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1
00:00:01,564 --> 00:00:04,754
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:08,193
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,285 --> 00:00:11,354
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,405 --> 00:00:14,324
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,375 --> 00:00:18,244
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,329 --> 00:00:21,197
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,248 --> 00:00:22,782
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,850 --> 00:00:24,167
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,218 --> 00:00:29,506
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:36,176 --> 00:00:38,010
Our top story tonight,
we continue to track
11
00:00:38,078 --> 00:00:40,046
the progress
of Hurricane Flozell.
12
00:00:40,113 --> 00:00:41,347
The National Weather Service
13
00:00:41,415 --> 00:00:43,316
has issued a Severe
Hurricane Advisory,
14
00:00:43,383 --> 00:00:45,618
and is urging everyone
to stay indoors
15
00:00:45,686 --> 00:00:47,470
for at least the next 36 hours.
16
00:00:47,554 --> 00:00:49,972
No...! What happened?!
17
00:00:50,057 --> 00:00:52,391
The wind must have knocked
the satellite dish loose.
18
00:00:52,459 --> 00:00:54,961
Aw, crap. And I was
going to watch G.I. Jose.
19
00:00:57,197 --> 00:00:59,065
Oh, no! You cut
your forehead!
20
00:00:59,132 --> 00:01:00,283
What do we do?
21
00:01:00,367 --> 00:01:01,317
Hey, kids...
22
00:01:01,385 --> 00:01:02,652
if you have
an open wound,
23
00:01:02,719 --> 00:01:04,387
get some dirt
or kitty litter
24
00:01:04,454 --> 00:01:06,589
and rub it in there
to stop the bleeding.
25
00:01:06,657 --> 00:01:09,592
Then get some sleep and wait
for the body to heal itself.
26
00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:10,993
Now we know.
27
00:01:11,061 --> 00:01:14,664
And like I always say:
"Remember, you know enough."
28
00:01:14,748 --> 00:01:16,893
♪ G.I. Jose! ♪
29
00:01:16,894 --> 00:01:20,394
♪ Family Guy 10x02 ♪
Seahorse Seashell Party
Original Air Date on October 2, 2011
30
00:01:23,831 --> 00:01:27,331
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
31
00:01:36,232 --> 00:01:37,291
Nice.
32
00:01:37,292 --> 00:01:38,392
Brian, what are you doing?
33
00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:39,393
Geez, Stewie.
34
00:01:39,444 --> 00:01:40,912
Scared the crap
out of me.
35
00:01:40,979 --> 00:01:42,446
Whatcha got there?
36
00:01:42,531 --> 00:01:44,115
Okay, I'll tell you;
37
00:01:44,199 --> 00:01:45,449
but you can't tell anyone.
38
00:01:45,517 --> 00:01:46,918
All-All right? You have to
be really cool about this.
39
00:01:46,985 --> 00:01:48,119
Yeah, of course.
40
00:01:48,186 --> 00:01:49,537
These are mushrooms.
41
00:01:49,605 --> 00:01:51,088
It's a psychedelic drug.
42
00:01:51,173 --> 00:01:54,342
Makes you see weird things
and feel happy for a few hours.
43
00:01:54,409 --> 00:01:56,827
I figure we're going to be
stuck inside f a while
44
00:01:56,895 --> 00:01:58,796
with this storm,
so it'll be a fun way
45
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,748
to pass the time.
Okay.
46
00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:02,166
Are you gonna be cool?
47
00:02:02,234 --> 00:02:03,551
Oh yeah, I'm totally
cool about that.
48
00:02:03,619 --> 00:02:05,086
I-I-I-I have a lot
of friends who do it,
49
00:02:05,153 --> 00:02:06,854
and they're willing to do
it around me all the time,
50
00:02:06,922 --> 00:02:08,306
because they know
I'm so cool about it
51
00:02:08,390 --> 00:02:09,523
and I don't judge them.
52
00:02:09,591 --> 00:02:11,909
So, you know,
go ahead...
53
00:02:14,947 --> 00:02:16,547
Well, here we go.
54
00:02:16,615 --> 00:02:17,832
Yup, that's what my
friends say, too.
55
00:02:17,899 --> 00:02:19,233
"Well, here we go."
56
00:02:19,301 --> 00:02:21,902
Oh... dude, I think
I can feel it, too.
57
00:02:21,970 --> 00:02:24,038
I'm gettin' a
context high.
58
00:02:34,716 --> 00:02:36,083
I'm bored.
59
00:02:36,134 --> 00:02:37,234
Yeah, this sucks.
60
00:02:37,302 --> 00:02:38,786
What are we supposed
to do all day?
61
00:02:38,837 --> 00:02:40,621
Well, how about
we play charades?
62
00:02:40,672 --> 00:02:42,423
Ooh! Yeah. O-okay.
Me first! Me first!
63
00:02:42,474 --> 00:02:45,109
Okay, it's a movie.
All right? Movie. Movie.
64
00:02:45,177 --> 00:02:47,061
Peter, there's no
talking in charades.
65
00:02:47,128 --> 00:02:48,145
O-Okay, sorry, sorry.
66
00:02:48,230 --> 00:02:49,563
Okay. (whispers) Movie.
67
00:02:49,631 --> 00:02:50,798
Peter!
Sorry. Sorry.
68
00:02:50,849 --> 00:02:52,333
Okay, one word.
69
00:02:52,401 --> 00:02:53,901
Peter, you're still talking!
70
00:02:53,968 --> 00:02:54,902
Okay, okay.
Right, right, right.
71
00:02:54,969 --> 00:02:57,137
Fletch.
72
00:02:57,189 --> 00:02:59,323
Is it Fletch?
It is Fletch.
73
00:03:04,179 --> 00:03:05,913
What do you
wanna do now?
74
00:03:05,981 --> 00:03:07,148
I got an idea.
75
00:03:07,215 --> 00:03:08,349
How about you all
sit there quietly
76
00:03:08,417 --> 00:03:09,684
while I make "Dad" noises?
77
00:03:27,002 --> 00:03:28,235
Brah-ha-hah!
78
00:03:28,303 --> 00:03:30,538
Brah-ha! Brah!
79
00:03:37,279 --> 00:03:38,379
Schumai.
80
00:03:45,654 --> 00:03:46,787
Myah!
81
00:03:48,022 --> 00:03:50,541
... go to the john.
82
00:03:58,133 --> 00:04:00,367
Boy, the rain's
really comin' down.
83
00:04:00,435 --> 00:04:02,536
I know, I've never seen
anything like it.
84
00:04:02,604 --> 00:04:05,873
But it's kinda nice for us all
to be together like this, huh?
85
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:35,569
♪ ♪
86
00:04:54,372 --> 00:04:55,823
So, what do you guys
wanna do now?
87
00:04:55,891 --> 00:04:58,258
Oh, hey, I know!
Let's play finger-bang.
88
00:04:58,310 --> 00:04:59,477
Bang! Bang!
89
00:04:59,561 --> 00:05:00,895
I'm gonna finger-
bang you, Chris.
90
00:05:00,946 --> 00:05:03,280
Not if I finger-bang
you first, Dad!
91
00:05:03,365 --> 00:05:04,765
Bang! Bang!
92
00:05:04,816 --> 00:05:07,201
I'm gonna finger-bang
the two of you at the same time.
93
00:05:07,285 --> 00:05:09,703
Bang! Bang!
Hey, me too! Bang!
94
00:05:09,788 --> 00:05:11,989
Oh, no one wants to get
finger-banged by you, Meg.
95
00:05:12,073 --> 00:05:13,958
Why don't you just go
do that to yourself, Meg?
96
00:05:14,025 --> 00:05:15,392
I think I'm gonna be sick.
97
00:05:17,445 --> 00:05:18,746
Brian?!
98
00:05:18,814 --> 00:05:20,414
I'm gonna cut
my ear off
99
00:05:20,482 --> 00:05:22,082
to prevent
World War Two.
100
00:05:24,336 --> 00:05:25,619
Oh, God! Oh, God!
101
00:05:32,110 --> 00:05:33,677
I wonder...
102
00:05:35,564 --> 00:05:36,647
Aha!
103
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:45,502
What the hell
were you trying to do, man?!
104
00:05:45,569 --> 00:05:47,254
Those mushrooms
are messin' you up!
105
00:05:47,338 --> 00:05:51,341
Lesbians and deaf women
wear the same clothes.
106
00:05:51,442 --> 00:05:52,709
Yeah, yeah, they
sure do, buddy.
107
00:05:52,777 --> 00:05:54,378
All right,
just stay calm, Brian.
108
00:05:54,445 --> 00:05:55,646
You'll get through this.
109
00:05:55,713 --> 00:05:58,215
I mean, you got through
seeing Lady Gaga naked.
110
00:05:59,867 --> 00:06:02,703
Okay, five minutes, Miss Ga--
gina big!
111
00:06:02,770 --> 00:06:04,721
And I will be right
back with your Evian.
112
00:06:04,772 --> 00:06:06,223
Don't worry, Brian.
113
00:06:06,274 --> 00:06:08,275
I'm gonna stay
by your side all night.
114
00:06:08,359 --> 00:06:10,310
All right? Shh. Shh.
115
00:06:10,395 --> 00:06:11,979
It's okay. It's okay.
116
00:06:12,063 --> 00:06:14,748
Do you like
my soothing voice?
117
00:06:14,816 --> 00:06:17,484
Do you like my soothing voice?
118
00:06:17,568 --> 00:06:20,287
Re-re-re-re-return the map.
119
00:06:20,371 --> 00:06:25,225
Re-re-re-re-return
what you have stolen from me.
120
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:30,497
♪ ♪
121
00:06:30,581 --> 00:06:33,300
No...!
122
00:06:41,042 --> 00:06:42,643
Oh, hey, I got an idea.
123
00:06:42,710 --> 00:06:43,910
Let's have a sing-a-long.
124
00:06:43,978 --> 00:06:46,747
Okay, I'm gonna sing
the opening chase music
125
00:06:46,814 --> 00:06:48,949
from Indiana Jonesand the Last Crusade.
126
00:06:49,017 --> 00:06:51,068
Feel free to join in.
127
00:07:13,825 --> 00:07:15,225
♪ ♪
128
00:07:43,121 --> 00:07:45,005
Dammit, Meg! Will you stop that?!
129
00:07:45,073 --> 00:07:46,323
That is so annoying!
130
00:07:46,391 --> 00:07:47,874
Oh... that was annoying?!
131
00:07:47,942 --> 00:07:49,993
What about your stupid,
obnoxious humming?!
132
00:07:50,061 --> 00:07:51,895
Meg, don't talk
to your father like that!
133
00:07:51,963 --> 00:07:53,480
Yeah, shut up, Meg.
134
00:07:53,548 --> 00:07:55,315
No! You shut
up, Chris!
135
00:07:55,383 --> 00:07:57,718
I am sick of all you guys
ganging up on me!
136
00:07:57,785 --> 00:08:00,253
You guys all think you're
so much better than me!
137
00:08:00,321 --> 00:08:03,190
Oh, Meg. That is
the least fancy thing
138
00:08:03,257 --> 00:08:04,791
I have ever heard.
139
00:08:11,182 --> 00:08:12,715
Shh. There, there, there.
140
00:08:12,767 --> 00:08:14,518
Everything's gonna be fine.
You're all right.
141
00:08:14,569 --> 00:08:16,052
I think I'm...
I think I'm dying.
142
00:08:17,054 --> 00:08:18,438
Jane Fonda.
143
00:08:18,506 --> 00:08:21,441
Is that... i-i-is that...
is that... is that right?
144
00:08:21,526 --> 00:08:23,827
Yeah, that's right, buddy.
Totally Jane Fonda.
145
00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:25,028
It's gonna be okay.
146
00:08:25,079 --> 00:08:27,247
Your pal Stewie
is right here.
147
00:08:30,668 --> 00:08:32,786
Just relax...
148
00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:38,408
and get some
rest...
149
00:08:53,441 --> 00:08:55,442
Brian.
150
00:08:56,594 --> 00:08:58,562
Hide!
151
00:08:58,613 --> 00:09:04,151
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
152
00:09:04,235 --> 00:09:05,986
♪ Round and round ♪
153
00:09:06,070 --> 00:09:08,738
♪ Round and round ♪
154
00:09:08,806 --> 00:09:14,010
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
155
00:09:14,061 --> 00:09:17,681
♪ All through the town ♪
Peanut!
156
00:09:19,717 --> 00:09:22,853
Peeper...
157
00:09:40,488 --> 00:09:45,158
Wanna have (hissing) sex...?
158
00:09:54,652 --> 00:09:57,287
Groggety!
159
00:10:10,384 --> 00:10:13,436
Slip... me some tongue.
160
00:10:13,504 --> 00:10:16,523
Did you try the chicken, buddy?
161
00:10:16,607 --> 00:10:18,808
I think you gave me worms,
Brian.
162
00:10:33,524 --> 00:10:36,226
Brian...
163
00:10:37,895 --> 00:10:40,530
Brian...
164
00:10:40,581 --> 00:10:43,550
Brian...
165
00:10:43,634 --> 00:10:46,303
Brian...
166
00:10:46,370 --> 00:10:48,038
Brian!
167
00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:50,657
Brian.
Uh, Stewie.
168
00:10:50,725 --> 00:10:52,175
Eh, uh... Stewie?
169
00:10:52,226 --> 00:10:53,310
Yeah, I'm right here.
170
00:10:53,377 --> 00:10:55,178
Oh, my God. Your lip
looks really weird.
171
00:10:55,229 --> 00:10:56,446
Can we fix that?
172
00:10:56,514 --> 00:10:59,849
L-Let's get that
out of there. Ew.
173
00:10:59,917 --> 00:11:01,601
Oh, I'm so thirsty.
174
00:11:01,686 --> 00:11:04,554
Let's get you downstairs
so you can drink some water.
175
00:11:07,341 --> 00:11:09,859
All right, let's go, buddy.
Let's get you some water.
176
00:11:11,562 --> 00:11:12,896
Okay, now-- Now, h-h-hold on.
Hold on.
177
00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:15,065
Let me put the bowl down first.
You're gonna spill it.
178
00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:19,970
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down. Slow down.
179
00:11:20,037 --> 00:11:22,205
Look, Meg, I don't know
what your problem is.
180
00:11:22,273 --> 00:11:24,090
I thought Dad's humming
was pretty entertaining.
181
00:11:24,175 --> 00:11:26,009
You know what?
This is what I'm talking about.
182
00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:27,627
This is a perfect example.
183
00:11:27,712 --> 00:11:29,045
You're my brother.
184
00:11:29,113 --> 00:11:30,547
You're supposed to
be on my side,
185
00:11:30,615 --> 00:11:32,081
and you're such
a bastard to me.
186
00:11:32,133 --> 00:11:33,700
How am I a bastard?!
187
00:11:33,768 --> 00:11:35,468
Oh, you want the full story?
188
00:11:35,536 --> 00:11:37,203
Meg, please.
Not now, Mom.
189
00:11:38,606 --> 00:11:40,707
I think Brian's getting
a little water in there.
190
00:11:40,775 --> 00:11:43,843
Chris, you treat me like you hate
me, and I don't know why.
191
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:45,979
You say hurtful things
to me constantly.
192
00:11:46,063 --> 00:11:48,231
Do you have any idea
what that feels like?
193
00:11:48,299 --> 00:11:49,933
What if I said
those things to you?
194
00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:52,369
What if I started calling
you a fat, zitty loser,
195
00:11:52,436 --> 00:11:53,903
who has no friends
196
00:11:53,971 --> 00:11:56,339
and smells like an old woman
who has birds for pets?
197
00:11:56,407 --> 00:11:58,241
Still drinkin'.
198
00:11:58,309 --> 00:11:59,709
Is it too much to ask
199
00:11:59,777 --> 00:12:02,145
to be treated with a little
decency from my brother?
200
00:12:02,213 --> 00:12:04,914
Maybe show me some
kind of kindness by not jumping
201
00:12:04,982 --> 00:12:07,250
on the "Let's get Meg"
family bandwagon?
202
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:10,186
Aw.
203
00:12:10,254 --> 00:12:11,838
Alright, Meg,
that's enough.
204
00:12:11,922 --> 00:12:13,974
You've had your little
dramatic outburst.
205
00:12:16,010 --> 00:12:17,727
Hey, I got an idea, Mom.
206
00:12:17,795 --> 00:12:19,646
How about we talk about
Chris' mother? Huh?
207
00:12:19,730 --> 00:12:21,598
Why don't we talk about you?
208
00:12:21,666 --> 00:12:23,183
Oh, for God's sake.
209
00:12:23,267 --> 00:12:25,301
Look, let's not turn this
into some big thing, okay?
210
00:12:26,487 --> 00:12:28,905
Oh... Oh...
211
00:12:28,972 --> 00:12:31,074
Oh, God, that feels
so much better.
212
00:12:31,142 --> 00:12:33,076
You know, Brian,
you may be a dog,
213
00:12:33,144 --> 00:12:35,111
but you're a
pretty cool cat.
214
00:12:35,179 --> 00:12:36,313
♪ Stewie just said that! ♪
215
00:12:36,380 --> 00:12:37,447
Take it home with ya!
216
00:12:38,683 --> 00:12:40,483
Hey...
217
00:12:40,534 --> 00:12:42,502
Hey, everyone.
218
00:12:42,570 --> 00:12:44,788
I'm sensing a lot
of negativity here.
219
00:12:44,855 --> 00:12:46,122
What's going on?
220
00:12:46,173 --> 00:12:48,625
Yes. You're right,
Brian. There is.
221
00:12:48,676 --> 00:12:50,927
Meg seems to think she's
taking some kind of stand here
222
00:12:50,994 --> 00:12:52,679
that's gonna make us all
feel like we're inadequate.
223
00:12:52,747 --> 00:12:54,981
My God, you're condescending.
224
00:12:55,049 --> 00:12:57,517
Geez, look at those two.
They're goin' at each other
225
00:12:57,601 --> 00:12:59,302
like an Italian guy
and a black woman.
226
00:13:01,972 --> 00:13:03,940
Hey, you can't park here!
227
00:13:04,007 --> 00:13:05,825
Excuse me?
228
00:13:05,893 --> 00:13:07,744
Having been officiallychallenged by her
229
00:13:07,812 --> 00:13:10,430
natural enemy, the black femaleprepares for combat
230
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,449
by taking off her many rings.
231
00:13:12,516 --> 00:13:15,485
Meanwhile, the Italian malelooks around to make sure
232
00:13:15,536 --> 00:13:17,320
the other Italianmales are indeed
233
00:13:17,371 --> 00:13:19,906
seeing what he is seeing.
234
00:13:19,990 --> 00:13:22,692
Sensing the impendingbattle, a flock of Jews
235
00:13:22,743 --> 00:13:25,628
flies quickly away,as avoiding confrontation
236
00:13:25,696 --> 00:13:27,580
is their bestchance for survival.
237
00:13:27,665 --> 00:13:29,416
♪ ♪
238
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:35,739
Look, the bottom line here,
Meg, is that you're just
239
00:13:35,806 --> 00:13:38,040
taking your own problems
out on everyone else.
240
00:13:38,092 --> 00:13:39,559
Oh, my problems?
241
00:13:39,643 --> 00:13:40,877
Oh, I see.
242
00:13:40,928 --> 00:13:43,263
Is this coming from
my role model mother?
243
00:13:43,347 --> 00:13:44,764
The shoplifter,
the drug addict,
244
00:13:44,849 --> 00:13:47,150
the porn star, the whore
who let Gene Simmons
245
00:13:47,217 --> 00:13:48,685
and Bill Clinton
go to town on her?
246
00:13:48,736 --> 00:13:50,403
Oh, so what?
247
00:13:50,488 --> 00:13:52,522
All those things
are behind me now.
248
00:13:52,573 --> 00:13:55,358
I'm a better person now
because of those experiences.
249
00:13:55,409 --> 00:13:57,444
Are you?
Are you a better person?
250
00:13:57,528 --> 00:13:59,779
What's your point, Meg?
My point is that with
251
00:13:59,864 --> 00:14:01,564
all the irresponsible, reckless,
252
00:14:01,615 --> 00:14:04,501
idiotic behavior in
your past, that somehow,
253
00:14:04,568 --> 00:14:09,172
somehow you have the nerve,
the arrogance to consistently
254
00:14:09,239 --> 00:14:11,574
and ruthlessly point
out my shortcomings.
255
00:14:11,625 --> 00:14:13,293
Alright, well, fine, okay?
256
00:14:13,377 --> 00:14:15,295
I'm not the perfect mother.
Who is?
257
00:14:15,379 --> 00:14:17,914
Oh, not only are you
not the perfect mother.
258
00:14:17,965 --> 00:14:19,966
You're the farthest thing from.
259
00:14:20,050 --> 00:14:23,586
From the moment you gave birth
to me, I had to trust you.
260
00:14:23,637 --> 00:14:25,588
I had no choice.
261
00:14:25,639 --> 00:14:27,524
I needed you to protect
me from the world.
262
00:14:27,591 --> 00:14:30,310
To... to be my guide, to help
me navigate the difficult,
263
00:14:30,394 --> 00:14:34,063
confusing, and vulnerable
journey to becoming a person.
264
00:14:34,115 --> 00:14:36,399
You have done none
of those things.
265
00:14:36,450 --> 00:14:39,536
You're my mother, and you
took a child's trust
266
00:14:39,603 --> 00:14:43,072
and smashed it into bits in
a 17-year-long mission
267
00:14:43,124 --> 00:14:46,042
to destroy something that
you killed a long time ago.
268
00:14:46,109 --> 00:14:48,378
And honestly, when
I turn 18...
269
00:14:48,445 --> 00:14:50,630
I-I don't know that I ever
want to see you again.
270
00:14:56,137 --> 00:14:58,004
Oh wow, everybody's
already tweeting
271
00:14:58,088 --> 00:14:59,255
"Stewie Just Said That."
272
00:14:59,323 --> 00:15:01,958
You're right.
273
00:15:02,009 --> 00:15:03,693
You're right. I'm
a terrible mother.
274
00:15:03,761 --> 00:15:05,728
I'm so sorry.
275
00:15:05,796 --> 00:15:08,014
I'm so, so sorry, Meg.
276
00:15:08,098 --> 00:15:10,266
Can you ever forgive me?
277
00:15:10,334 --> 00:15:12,235
Oh, God.
278
00:15:14,572 --> 00:15:16,606
And you never let Dad
stir the paint anymore,
279
00:15:16,657 --> 00:15:17,991
whatever that means.
280
00:15:18,075 --> 00:15:19,275
I didn't know you
knew that, Meg,
281
00:15:19,326 --> 00:15:20,310
but I'm glad
you brought it up.
282
00:15:27,185 --> 00:15:29,727
Oh, Meg, I don't
know what to say.
283
00:15:29,728 --> 00:15:32,959
All of those things you
said about me are true.
284
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,795
I have been a very
bad mother to you.
285
00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:37,848
I have no excuse.
286
00:15:37,932 --> 00:15:40,267
I just have this horrible,
overwhelming desire
287
00:15:40,318 --> 00:15:41,801
to point out faults in you.
288
00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:43,970
I don't know
where it comes from.
289
00:15:44,022 --> 00:15:46,139
Maybe it's because
I'm self-conscious
290
00:15:46,190 --> 00:15:48,358
about being a bad parent.
291
00:15:48,443 --> 00:15:50,643
I'm just, I'm so disgusted
with my behavior.
292
00:15:50,695 --> 00:15:52,379
And I'm so sorry, Meg.
293
00:15:52,447 --> 00:15:53,814
Yeah, you're a bitch.
294
00:15:53,881 --> 00:15:56,767
Well, you know, I, I been sorta
just hangin' back here,
295
00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:58,335
takin' all this in,
'cause I didn't think
296
00:15:58,403 --> 00:16:00,003
I had a dog in this fight,
297
00:16:00,071 --> 00:16:01,638
but my money's on
Harry Potter over there.
298
00:16:01,706 --> 00:16:03,656
Oh, you think
that's funny, fat ass?
299
00:16:03,708 --> 00:16:04,708
Well, I don't know
if it's funny.
300
00:16:04,792 --> 00:16:06,159
I-I think it's clever.
301
00:16:06,210 --> 00:16:08,495
I mean, y-y-you got
the big glasses there...
302
00:16:08,546 --> 00:16:10,681
I-I-I don't know. T-T-Tell me,
tell me what's on your mind.
303
00:16:10,765 --> 00:16:13,100
Oh, I'll tell you,
Mister Selfish-ass Dad.
304
00:16:13,167 --> 00:16:16,136
Hey. That's "Mister
Mister selfish-ass Dad"
305
00:16:16,187 --> 00:16:17,087
to you, young lady.
306
00:16:17,155 --> 00:16:19,005
Oh God, is she gonna do me next?
307
00:16:19,057 --> 00:16:21,058
You are completely selfish,
308
00:16:21,142 --> 00:16:23,193
and totally irresponsible
as a father.
309
00:16:23,261 --> 00:16:26,129
All right, I see what's
goin' on here.
310
00:16:26,197 --> 00:16:27,514
You're in love
with your old man.
311
00:16:27,582 --> 00:16:30,767
You have no education,
you have no interests,
312
00:16:30,835 --> 00:16:33,186
you just do whatever
reckless thing you want to do
313
00:16:33,237 --> 00:16:36,623
whenever you want to do it
without regard for anyone else.
314
00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:40,210
Oh, oh, and when you're not
terrorizing the community
315
00:16:40,294 --> 00:16:41,795
with your impulsive escapades,
316
00:16:41,863 --> 00:16:44,281
you're being a total
jerk to your family.
317
00:16:44,348 --> 00:16:47,918
You shove your daughter's face
in your ass and you fart on it.
318
00:16:47,985 --> 00:16:49,820
If someone
in the outside world
319
00:16:49,887 --> 00:16:53,006
could see the way you treat
me, you would be in jail!
320
00:16:53,074 --> 00:16:55,876
Oh, ha ha. Oh, this
is amusing to you.
321
00:16:55,943 --> 00:16:57,778
Well, see if you
find this funny.
322
00:16:57,845 --> 00:16:59,513
I like where this is going.
323
00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:01,815
You are a fat,
lazy, abusive,
324
00:17:01,883 --> 00:17:03,683
blue-collar
Irish Catholic dad
325
00:17:03,751 --> 00:17:05,519
who drinks way too much
326
00:17:05,586 --> 00:17:07,904
and barely makes enough
money to support his family.
327
00:17:07,972 --> 00:17:09,339
You've lived half your life,
328
00:17:09,407 --> 00:17:12,375
and you have nothing
to show for it.
329
00:17:12,443 --> 00:17:15,445
Your only arguable
accomplishments are your kids,
330
00:17:15,530 --> 00:17:18,698
and look at us; we're a disaster.
Eh, watch it.
331
00:17:18,766 --> 00:17:21,551
You're a total and
complete embarrassment
332
00:17:21,619 --> 00:17:23,687
in every possible way.
333
00:17:23,721 --> 00:17:26,056
Take a good look at yourself,
Peter Griffin.
334
00:17:26,124 --> 00:17:28,175
You're a waste of a man.
335
00:17:28,242 --> 00:17:32,045
Wait a second,
these are criticisms.
336
00:17:32,096 --> 00:17:33,513
Hey, Lois, tell her
to knock it off.
337
00:17:33,581 --> 00:17:36,099
Oh, and where the hell were you
when she was laying into me?
338
00:17:36,184 --> 00:17:37,968
I was thinking about
getting a fancy cane.
339
00:17:38,052 --> 00:17:39,870
Maybe getting more
attention from strangers.
340
00:17:39,937 --> 00:17:42,672
Have either of you guys
been listening to me?
341
00:17:42,740 --> 00:17:45,325
Do you both just have
your heads up your asses?
342
00:17:45,393 --> 00:17:48,061
Dad did! Look, he's got
crap on his ears!
343
00:17:48,112 --> 00:17:49,146
That's unrelated.
344
00:17:49,230 --> 00:17:50,430
Chris, I don't like
that language.
345
00:17:50,498 --> 00:17:52,232
Well, I don't like your cooking.
346
00:17:52,283 --> 00:17:54,117
Well, I don't like having
to literally empty
347
00:17:54,202 --> 00:17:56,486
the farts out of your pockets
whenever I do your laundry.
348
00:17:56,571 --> 00:17:57,988
You're the one
who's always cookin'
349
00:17:58,072 --> 00:17:59,790
Brussels sprouts
and broccoli.
350
00:17:59,874 --> 00:18:02,442
It's like an Irish
bar fight down there.
351
00:18:02,493 --> 00:18:04,944
You're from one town over,
so I hate your guts.
352
00:18:08,216 --> 00:18:10,950
Why don't we ever
get any good food?!
353
00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:12,752
Yeah, Bonnie gives
Joe Wonder Bread.
354
00:18:12,804 --> 00:18:14,588
Well, then go live
at Bonnie's house.
355
00:18:14,639 --> 00:18:16,006
Then I could
finally sleep in
356
00:18:16,090 --> 00:18:18,592
and not have to answer your
stupid questions at 5:00 a.m.
357
00:18:18,643 --> 00:18:20,760
My curiosity peaks
in the morning!
358
00:18:20,812 --> 00:18:22,145
You eat all my
Dannon yogurts!
359
00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:23,647
I don't see your
name on 'em!
360
00:18:23,731 --> 00:18:25,732
You don't even like them!
But you know I do,
361
00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,434
and you don't want
me to have them!
362
00:18:27,502 --> 00:18:29,069
You know, I've never
confronted you on it,
363
00:18:29,136 --> 00:18:30,737
but I've often thought
the same thing, Peter.
364
00:18:30,804 --> 00:18:32,772
Yeah, that's exactly
what he does!
365
00:18:32,824 --> 00:18:34,691
'Cause he's a selfish,
fat idiot!
366
00:18:34,775 --> 00:18:35,959
You shut up,
all of yous!
367
00:18:38,012 --> 00:18:40,747
I didn't ask to
be in this family!
368
00:18:42,533 --> 00:18:44,067
Ugh, I'll go get him.
369
00:18:44,168 --> 00:18:46,353
Peter? You
come back here!
370
00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:49,139
I faked all my orgasms!
371
00:18:53,211 --> 00:18:54,644
Hey.
372
00:18:54,712 --> 00:18:57,714
What's goin' on?
373
00:18:57,782 --> 00:19:00,400
You know, that was, uh,
that was pretty cool
374
00:19:00,468 --> 00:19:01,952
the way you finally
stood up to everybody.
375
00:19:02,019 --> 00:19:04,020
I don't know, Brian.
376
00:19:04,088 --> 00:19:06,089
I mean, I, I meant
every word of it, but...
377
00:19:06,157 --> 00:19:08,792
you saw what happened.
What do you mean?
378
00:19:08,860 --> 00:19:11,261
They all turned on each other
like a pack of wolves.
379
00:19:11,329 --> 00:19:13,296
Well, so what? That's
not your problem.
380
00:19:13,364 --> 00:19:15,665
Do you think it's
possible that...
381
00:19:15,733 --> 00:19:17,901
that this family can't
survive without some sort of
382
00:19:17,969 --> 00:19:20,020
lightning rod to absorb
all the dysfunction?
383
00:19:20,087 --> 00:19:21,521
Well, that's a...
384
00:19:21,589 --> 00:19:23,206
that's a theory, I guess.
385
00:19:23,274 --> 00:19:26,843
I mean, it-- it's not ideal,
but it's an important piece
386
00:19:26,911 --> 00:19:30,146
that maybe it's just my
lot in life to provide.
387
00:19:30,214 --> 00:19:33,350
Maybe if I feel bad,
they don't have to.
388
00:19:33,417 --> 00:19:35,452
Wow.
389
00:19:35,519 --> 00:19:37,837
You know, that's incredibly
noble and mature, Meg.
390
00:19:37,905 --> 00:19:39,506
You know, I think you might be
391
00:19:39,574 --> 00:19:41,207
the strongest person
in this house.
392
00:19:41,275 --> 00:19:42,576
You mean that, Brian?
393
00:19:42,643 --> 00:19:43,610
Absolutely.
394
00:19:47,832 --> 00:19:49,532
Mom? Dad?
395
00:19:53,704 --> 00:19:55,088
Dad?
Go away!
396
00:19:55,156 --> 00:19:56,823
Dad, come out of there.
397
00:19:56,891 --> 00:20:00,627
No! I don't deserve no better
than livin' with the shoes!
398
00:20:00,695 --> 00:20:02,295
Peter, there you are.
399
00:20:02,363 --> 00:20:04,164
You guys, I have
something to say.
400
00:20:04,231 --> 00:20:07,250
You're right.
It's all my fault.
401
00:20:07,318 --> 00:20:09,753
What?
Mom, you're an amazing mother
402
00:20:09,820 --> 00:20:12,289
and all the things I said
about you were out of anger,
403
00:20:12,356 --> 00:20:14,207
and I didn't mean any of them.
404
00:20:14,275 --> 00:20:17,110
Chris, you're an
outstanding brother.
405
00:20:17,178 --> 00:20:21,097
What I said about you was more
about me being a rotten sister.
406
00:20:21,182 --> 00:20:24,851
And Dad, I'm so sorry that
I made you feel this way.
407
00:20:24,919 --> 00:20:26,369
You don't deserve it.
408
00:20:26,437 --> 00:20:28,371
None of you have
done anything wrong.
409
00:20:28,439 --> 00:20:30,624
I took all my problems
out on you guys,
410
00:20:30,691 --> 00:20:32,492
and that wasn't fair.
411
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,795
Oh, so this was all about you,
it wasn't about us.
412
00:20:35,863 --> 00:20:36,963
Yeah.
413
00:20:37,031 --> 00:20:38,365
Alright, that makes sense.
414
00:20:38,432 --> 00:20:40,800
See, I thought it was
weird that I was a bad dad.
415
00:20:40,868 --> 00:20:42,702
Meg, how could you put
us all through that?
416
00:20:42,770 --> 00:20:44,304
I'm sorry, you guys.
417
00:20:44,372 --> 00:20:46,306
You're a (bleep) bitch!
418
00:20:46,374 --> 00:20:47,440
Yes.
419
00:20:47,491 --> 00:20:48,391
Yes, I am.
420
00:20:54,448 --> 00:20:57,430
Hi, I'm Stewie Griffin.
Tonight's Family Guy
421
00:20:57,431 --> 00:20:59,665
was a very special episode
about drug use.
422
00:21:00,046 --> 00:21:02,857
But the simple fact is,
it's no laughing matter.
423
00:21:03,141 --> 00:21:06,019
To learn more about drugs,
visit your local library.
424
00:21:06,337 --> 00:21:09,118
There's probably a guy behind
there who sells drugs.
425
00:21:09,442 --> 00:21:11,727
Good night.
426
00:21:11,795 --> 00:21:15,795
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
31351
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