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Good evening.
I'm Diane Simmons.
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In traffic news, heavy gridlock
on the 195 interchange.
3
00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,642
We now go live to Drunk Billy
in the Channel 5 Newscopter.
4
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:49,513
This just in.
5
00:00:49,581 --> 00:00:52,383
Channel 5 Newscopter pilot
Drunk Billy passed away today.
6
00:00:52,451 --> 00:00:54,051
In anticipation of this event,
7
00:00:54,119 --> 00:00:55,453
we put together a clip package
8
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:57,988
featuring some of Billy's
work for Channel 5 News.
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00:01:12,237 --> 00:01:15,072
"I'm still hungry,"
said the very hungry caterpillar.
10
00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:17,007
"but you've already..."
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00:01:20,679 --> 00:01:22,847
Drunk Billy will be missed.
12
00:01:22,914 --> 00:01:24,882
But what you shouldn't
miss is the Quahog Rodeo,
13
00:01:24,950 --> 00:01:26,484
coming to the
Civic Center this Friday.
14
00:01:26,551 --> 00:01:28,119
Tickets are on sale now.
15
00:01:28,186 --> 00:01:29,754
And for those of you who
are handy with a horse,
16
00:01:29,821 --> 00:01:31,489
entry spots are still open.
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00:01:31,556 --> 00:01:33,324
Oh, God, this seems like
the kind of thing Peter...
18
00:01:33,392 --> 00:01:34,625
Too late, Brian.
19
00:01:34,693 --> 00:01:36,227
Peter, you're gonna enter the rodeo?
20
00:01:36,294 --> 00:01:37,428
That's stupid.
21
00:01:37,496 --> 00:01:38,629
You don't know anything about horses,
22
00:01:38,697 --> 00:01:40,197
and you're in terrible shape.
23
00:01:40,265 --> 00:01:42,099
You know, that's the difference
between you and me, Lois.
24
00:01:42,167 --> 00:01:43,467
When life comes knocking at the door,
25
00:01:43,535 --> 00:01:44,802
you go and hide in the kitchen.
26
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I fling the door wide open and I say,
27
00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:48,038
"Peter Griffin here.
What do you got?"
28
00:01:48,106 --> 00:01:49,640
And if that don't convince you,
look at this.
29
00:01:49,708 --> 00:01:51,075
In this week's TV Guide, it says,
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00:01:51,143 --> 00:01:52,710
"Peter gets more than he bargained for
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when he joins the rodeo."
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Well, it's in The Guide.
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00:01:55,313 --> 00:01:56,881
Hey, can we make that a thing?
34
00:01:56,948 --> 00:01:58,716
Can we start calling TV Guide
"The Guide"?
35
00:01:58,784 --> 00:02:00,184
You know what?
I'm not even asking anymore.
36
00:02:00,252 --> 00:02:01,385
That's what we're doing.
37
00:02:01,453 --> 00:02:03,521
Who says I couldn't be a rodeo star?
38
00:02:03,588 --> 00:02:06,624
I got more cowboy blood
in me than Billy the Kid.
39
00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:12,396
♪ Well, he robbed his way
from Utah to Oklahoma ♪
40
00:02:12,464 --> 00:02:16,934
♪ and the law just could not
seem to track him down. ♪
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♪ And it served his legend well, ♪
42
00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,442
♪ for the folks, they loved to tell ♪
43
00:02:24,509 --> 00:02:29,046
♪ about when Billy the Kid
came to town. ♪
44
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Hyah!
45
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,435
Dad, what are you doing?!
46
00:03:24,503 --> 00:03:25,636
All right, Meg, this is only gonna hurt
47
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for about three weeks.
48
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What the hell?
49
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That there's my steer, Griffin.
50
00:03:37,382 --> 00:03:39,149
All right, Lois.
Go ahead. Say it.
51
00:03:40,352 --> 00:03:44,154
Chris, it's time for supper.
52
00:03:44,222 --> 00:03:45,623
Ho der, ho der, ho der!
53
00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:47,291
Ho der, ho der, ho der, ho der!
54
00:03:47,359 --> 00:03:49,593
Ho der, ho der, ho der!
Ho der, ho der!
55
00:03:49,661 --> 00:03:51,562
Ho der, ho der, ho der.
56
00:03:51,630 --> 00:03:54,265
Ho der, ho der, ho der.
57
00:03:54,332 --> 00:03:56,133
Ho der.
58
00:03:56,201 --> 00:03:59,003
All right. I am ready for the rodeo.
59
00:04:02,507 --> 00:04:04,842
Mom, when's it Dad's turn?
60
00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:06,076
I don't know, Chris.
61
00:04:06,144 --> 00:04:07,878
But I think we should
all pray for your father
62
00:04:07,946 --> 00:04:09,513
that he comes out of this uninjured.
63
00:04:09,581 --> 00:04:11,048
Those horses stink.
64
00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:12,583
And it's too hot in here.
65
00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:15,653
I fell asleep in the car,
so now I'm cranky.
66
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,721
This is a disgusting display.
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00:04:17,789 --> 00:04:19,023
Boy, you can say that again.
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00:04:19,090 --> 00:04:22,126
Nothing like a bunch of adult men
teasing animals for fun.
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00:04:22,193 --> 00:04:24,028
It's amazing that this is still legal.
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00:04:24,095 --> 00:04:25,329
The only reason I'm here
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00:04:25,397 --> 00:04:27,431
is 'cause my idiot friend is in the rodeo.
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00:04:27,499 --> 00:04:29,600
I only came 'cause I'm
writing a magazine article.
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00:04:29,668 --> 00:04:30,968
One of the competitors
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00:04:31,036 --> 00:04:33,203
is a thirteen-year-old
female riding prodigy.
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00:04:33,271 --> 00:04:35,005
Apparently she got
on the bull to miscarry,
76
00:04:35,073 --> 00:04:37,141
and found out she had a talent for it.
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00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:40,544
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,
give an indifferent East Coast welcome
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00:04:40,612 --> 00:04:43,414
to the newest bullrider, Peter the Kid!
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00:04:48,954 --> 00:04:50,955
You know what I am back at the ranch?
80
00:04:51,022 --> 00:04:52,856
I'm a breeding bull.
81
00:04:52,924 --> 00:04:54,458
W... what... what's that?
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00:04:54,526 --> 00:04:56,594
You gonna find out.
83
00:04:56,661 --> 00:04:57,695
Where you goin', fatty?
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We gonna have a party.
85
00:05:00,165 --> 00:05:01,398
No! No!
86
00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:08,172
No! No!
87
00:05:10,108 --> 00:05:11,909
So, what magazine do you write for?
88
00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:13,410
I'm the editor for Teen People.
89
00:05:13,478 --> 00:05:14,778
Editor?
90
00:05:14,846 --> 00:05:17,448
Well, gosh, you know,
I'm something of a writer myself.
91
00:05:17,515 --> 00:05:19,583
I... I wrote for The New Yorker
for a little while.
92
00:05:19,651 --> 00:05:21,051
Wow, that's impressive.
93
00:05:21,119 --> 00:05:22,152
Are you looking for work?
94
00:05:22,220 --> 00:05:23,554
Oh, no. No, no, no.
95
00:05:23,622 --> 00:05:25,389
I... I never have to
look too far for that.
96
00:05:25,457 --> 00:05:26,423
I... W... w...
what are you...
97
00:05:26,491 --> 00:05:27,958
What do you...
What... what do you got?
98
00:05:28,026 --> 00:05:29,793
Well, we're looking for
someone to write a piece
99
00:05:29,861 --> 00:05:31,028
on the everyday activities
100
00:05:31,096 --> 00:05:32,830
of the average American teenage girl.
101
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,832
Oh, I love teenage girls.
102
00:05:34,899 --> 00:05:36,233
It's all ahead of them, you know?
103
00:05:36,301 --> 00:05:37,735
They haven't turned into bitches yet.
104
00:05:37,802 --> 00:05:39,470
Oh, it's true.
105
00:05:39,537 --> 00:05:41,171
What happened to all of us?
106
00:05:41,239 --> 00:05:43,974
I got a house on the cape.
Maybe you come visit.
107
00:05:44,042 --> 00:05:45,476
Maybe.
108
00:05:45,543 --> 00:05:47,411
Maybe you call a few days in advance
109
00:05:47,479 --> 00:05:48,879
to give me time to get the house clean.
110
00:05:48,947 --> 00:05:50,014
Okay.
111
00:05:50,081 --> 00:05:51,248
Maybe you bring a blazer,
112
00:05:51,316 --> 00:05:53,350
so we can go to a wider
range of restaurants.
113
00:05:53,418 --> 00:05:54,752
I'll... I'll bring a blazer.
114
00:05:58,056 --> 00:05:59,289
You see this, Rupert?
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00:05:59,357 --> 00:06:01,191
Most children build a sand castle.
116
00:06:01,259 --> 00:06:04,662
But I'm building a sand retreat
for singles in their 30s.
117
00:06:04,729 --> 00:06:06,430
Hi, I'm jeremy.
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00:06:06,498 --> 00:06:08,332
I work in corporate finance.
119
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,868
Hi, I'm a French Canadian girl
120
00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:12,636
down here on my vacation.
121
00:06:12,704 --> 00:06:15,773
It's a big deal for me to
be down here on my own.
122
00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:18,208
I like the swimming pool with a bar in it
123
00:06:18,276 --> 00:06:21,145
'cause you can sit on a barstool
and you're in the water.
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00:06:21,212 --> 00:06:23,747
I like how all the food
and drink is included
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00:06:23,815 --> 00:06:25,215
in the price of the ticket.
126
00:06:25,283 --> 00:06:26,784
Yeah, that way you don't have
127
00:06:26,851 --> 00:06:29,119
to bring your cash
down from the room.
128
00:06:29,187 --> 00:06:31,388
Okay, I was just looking
for a friend of mine,
129
00:06:31,456 --> 00:06:33,090
so maybe I'll see you later.
130
00:06:33,158 --> 00:06:34,725
Good for you, Janine.
131
00:06:34,793 --> 00:06:38,228
You promised yourself you'd
talk to somebody and you did it.
132
00:06:38,296 --> 00:06:39,997
Brian, what are you doing up there?
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00:06:40,065 --> 00:06:40,998
Shh. I'm writing an article
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00:06:41,066 --> 00:06:43,067
on teenage girls for a magazine.
135
00:06:43,134 --> 00:06:45,169
I'm studying Meg to see
what goes on during her day.
136
00:06:45,236 --> 00:06:47,004
Well, be careful you don't
fall off that ladder.
137
00:06:47,072 --> 00:06:48,772
Not all dogs go to heaven.
138
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,441
So, says here you were involved
139
00:06:50,508 --> 00:06:52,176
in the plotting of September 11?
140
00:06:52,243 --> 00:06:55,479
Well, that's what they get
for supporting Israel.
141
00:06:55,547 --> 00:06:58,348
Hyuck, yuck, yuck. Gawsh.
142
00:06:58,416 --> 00:07:00,918
Okay, into the eternal pit of fire you go.
143
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:03,721
Wa-hoo-hoo-hoo-ee!
144
00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:11,295
You know, Brian, just because
you're writing a profile
145
00:07:11,362 --> 00:07:12,963
on teenage girls,
it doesn't mean you have
146
00:07:13,031 --> 00:07:16,266
to be a creepy stalker and
follow Meg around all day.
147
00:07:16,334 --> 00:07:17,534
It's called research, Stewie.
148
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I'm just being thorough.
149
00:07:18,570 --> 00:07:20,370
Where the hell is she going?
150
00:07:20,438 --> 00:07:21,672
There's nothing out
in this part of town.
151
00:07:25,543 --> 00:07:26,677
What is that, Brian?
152
00:07:26,745 --> 00:07:28,645
What is an adult correctional institute?
153
00:07:28,713 --> 00:07:29,747
It's a prison, Stewie.
154
00:07:29,814 --> 00:07:30,948
Ah.
155
00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:32,649
One would think
they could just say that.
156
00:07:36,888 --> 00:07:38,155
Hi, Meg.
157
00:07:38,223 --> 00:07:39,389
Hi, Luke.
158
00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,134
Oh, my God.
159
00:07:50,201 --> 00:07:52,302
Meg's dating a convict!
160
00:07:52,370 --> 00:07:54,671
Oh looks like Consuela's son is in prison.
161
00:07:54,739 --> 00:07:57,241
I see you soon, Rodrigo.
162
00:07:57,308 --> 00:07:59,143
Si, mama.
163
00:08:07,569 --> 00:08:09,269
It's really good to see you, Meg.
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00:08:09,337 --> 00:08:10,504
It's been a while.
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00:08:10,572 --> 00:08:12,172
I know. I'm sorry, Luke.
166
00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,607
It's just so hard to get over here
167
00:08:13,675 --> 00:08:15,142
without anybody finding out.
168
00:08:15,210 --> 00:08:17,077
Have you gotten all the letters
and hair that I've sent?
169
00:08:17,145 --> 00:08:18,312
It's the only thing
170
00:08:18,379 --> 00:08:19,880
that's getting me by, Meg.
Thank you.
171
00:08:19,948 --> 00:08:21,381
How'd your parole hearing go?
172
00:08:21,449 --> 00:08:22,783
Not good.
173
00:08:22,851 --> 00:08:24,685
Looks like I'm gonna be in
here another three years.
174
00:08:24,753 --> 00:08:26,153
Oh, Luke.
175
00:08:26,221 --> 00:08:28,021
Oh, I don't expect you
to wait for me, Meg.
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No, I will, Luke.
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00:08:29,190 --> 00:08:30,691
If it takes ten years or twenty years,
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00:08:30,759 --> 00:08:32,392
I will be here when you get out.
179
00:08:42,103 --> 00:08:43,637
Oh, my God!
180
00:08:43,705 --> 00:08:45,272
Meg's involved with a convict!
181
00:08:45,340 --> 00:08:47,307
Wow, Meg's like one of those crazy chicks
182
00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:49,510
who hooks up with an even crazier guy.
183
00:08:54,649 --> 00:08:56,016
Brian, you bastard!
184
00:08:56,084 --> 00:08:57,484
How could you do this to me?!
185
00:08:57,552 --> 00:08:59,286
I'm sorry, Meg. I had to tell them!
186
00:08:59,354 --> 00:09:00,921
Don't give him crap for this, Meg.
187
00:09:00,989 --> 00:09:03,090
He did exactly the right
thing by coming to us.
188
00:09:03,158 --> 00:09:05,159
Don't you know what kind of fire
189
00:09:05,226 --> 00:09:06,627
you're playing with,
dating a prisoner?
190
00:09:06,695 --> 00:09:08,662
Hold on, Lois.
This is some serious parenting.
191
00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:11,198
I'm gonna go put on
my Cosby sweater.
192
00:09:11,266 --> 00:09:12,967
Mom, you don't understand!
193
00:09:13,034 --> 00:09:15,669
Luke and I really
connect, very deeply!
194
00:09:15,737 --> 00:09:18,639
He's all alone in there,
and I'm all alone out here.
195
00:09:18,707 --> 00:09:20,674
In a way, we're both in prison.
196
00:09:20,742 --> 00:09:22,676
Well, Meg,
there's a big difference there.
197
00:09:22,744 --> 00:09:24,044
He's in prison for a reason.
198
00:09:24,112 --> 00:09:25,379
He broke the law!
199
00:09:25,447 --> 00:09:26,981
He robbed a convenience store
200
00:09:27,048 --> 00:09:29,216
to pay for medication for his mom.
201
00:09:29,284 --> 00:09:32,353
Oh, I'm sure he gave you a
very convincing sob story.
202
00:09:32,420 --> 00:09:34,855
It's not a sob story! It's true!
203
00:09:34,923 --> 00:09:36,457
Frankly, I don't care, Meg.
204
00:09:36,524 --> 00:09:38,325
I do not want you seeing him again!
205
00:09:38,393 --> 00:09:39,460
I can't find the sweater.
206
00:09:39,527 --> 00:09:40,928
How the hell did you even meet him?!
207
00:09:40,996 --> 00:09:42,596
We had a pen pal project at school,
208
00:09:42,664 --> 00:09:43,831
and when it was over,
209
00:09:43,898 --> 00:09:45,766
Luke and I just kind of
kept writing to each other.
210
00:09:45,834 --> 00:09:47,034
Well, it stops now!
211
00:09:47,102 --> 00:09:48,869
But, Mom, I love him!
212
00:09:48,937 --> 00:09:50,437
It stops now, Meg!
213
00:09:50,505 --> 00:09:52,272
Your mother's right, Meg.
You got to be careful
214
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:53,807
who you get involved with romantically.
215
00:09:55,043 --> 00:09:56,210
Hello?
216
00:09:56,277 --> 00:09:57,344
I'm in the mood for some coitus.
217
00:09:57,412 --> 00:09:58,812
Get over here.
218
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,047
I can't. I'm with my family.
219
00:10:00,115 --> 00:10:02,182
Pick up wine on the way.
220
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:04,551
Well, Angela, if I'm
really the only guy at work
221
00:10:04,619 --> 00:10:07,121
who can solve it,
I'll be right there.
222
00:10:15,230 --> 00:10:17,431
Luke!
223
00:10:17,499 --> 00:10:18,799
What are you doing here?!
224
00:10:18,867 --> 00:10:20,167
I escaped, Meg.
225
00:10:20,235 --> 00:10:21,568
I escaped 'cause I just couldn't bear
226
00:10:21,636 --> 00:10:22,903
another second away from you.
227
00:10:22,971 --> 00:10:24,972
My God, how did you get out?
228
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,940
I filed down a toothbrush to a fine point
229
00:10:27,008 --> 00:10:28,575
and stabbed the guard with the most kids.
230
00:10:28,643 --> 00:10:30,277
- What?!
- I'm just kidding.
231
00:10:30,345 --> 00:10:33,414
Oh. I'm still getting used
to your sense of humor.
232
00:10:33,481 --> 00:10:35,549
Actually, there was a
riot in the prison yard,
233
00:10:35,617 --> 00:10:36,817
and I slipped over the fence.
234
00:10:36,885 --> 00:10:38,752
Well, well, quick, get in
here before somebody sees you!
235
00:10:43,958 --> 00:10:46,827
Oh, Meg, I've wanted to
do that for so long.
236
00:10:46,895 --> 00:10:49,329
And it's nice to be in front
of someone for a change.
237
00:10:50,732 --> 00:10:53,233
Now I know that was a joke!
238
00:10:53,301 --> 00:10:54,501
Whatever.
239
00:10:54,569 --> 00:10:55,903
Hey, Meg?
240
00:10:55,970 --> 00:10:57,571
Can I talk to you for a second?
241
00:10:59,407 --> 00:11:02,443
Uh, yeah, come on in.
242
00:11:02,510 --> 00:11:06,380
Listen, uh, I feel like
I should explain myself
243
00:11:06,448 --> 00:11:07,648
a little bit here.
244
00:11:07,716 --> 00:11:09,983
I'm sorry I had to tell
Lois what was going on.
245
00:11:10,051 --> 00:11:11,552
You just, you gotta realize
246
00:11:11,619 --> 00:11:13,187
I was only thinking about
your safety and...
247
00:11:18,026 --> 00:11:20,127
Luke, you might as well come out now.
248
00:11:21,529 --> 00:11:23,564
Luke! What the...?
They let you out of jail?!
249
00:11:23,631 --> 00:11:25,265
Not exactly.
250
00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:28,135
He broke out to see me, Brian.
We're in love.
251
00:11:28,203 --> 00:11:29,536
Meg, are you crazy?!
252
00:11:29,604 --> 00:11:31,205
You can't harbor a fugitive.
That's a felony.
253
00:11:31,272 --> 00:11:32,272
Only if someone finds out.
254
00:11:32,340 --> 00:11:33,674
Are you gonna do it?
255
00:11:33,742 --> 00:11:35,142
Are you gonna tell on me again?
256
00:11:35,210 --> 00:11:36,343
Well, I... I...
257
00:11:36,411 --> 00:11:38,579
Brian, will you call me
on my Mickey Mouse phone?
258
00:11:38,646 --> 00:11:39,680
Wait a second.
259
00:11:39,748 --> 00:11:41,715
Why is that guy wearing
a prison jumpsuit?
260
00:11:41,783 --> 00:11:42,716
Think, Peter, think.
261
00:11:42,784 --> 00:11:45,085
Wait. Hang on.
262
00:11:45,153 --> 00:11:46,754
Sunday, Sunday... Here it is.
263
00:11:46,821 --> 00:11:48,489
"Peter gets more than he bargains for
264
00:11:48,556 --> 00:11:50,991
when he joins the rodeo."
Boy, did I.
265
00:11:51,059 --> 00:11:52,993
"And Meg dates a prison escapee"!
266
00:11:53,061 --> 00:11:55,028
Oh, no! Luke, run!
267
00:11:58,133 --> 00:11:59,566
Joe, it's Peter! Two things:
268
00:11:59,634 --> 00:12:02,269
First of all, when I was over
at your house the other day,
269
00:12:02,337 --> 00:12:04,605
I forgot to tell you how
much I like the rearrangement
270
00:12:04,672 --> 00:12:06,440
you and Bonnie did with
your living room furniture.
271
00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:07,975
Second of all, come outside!
272
00:12:08,042 --> 00:12:09,777
There's an escaped convict
running across the street!
273
00:12:24,459 --> 00:12:26,493
No, Luke, don't run downhill!
274
00:12:34,135 --> 00:12:36,436
You're going to jail, punk!
275
00:12:40,141 --> 00:12:42,176
No, Mr. Swanson,
you can't take him!
276
00:12:42,243 --> 00:12:43,577
Yes, I can, Meg.
277
00:12:43,645 --> 00:12:45,179
He's going back to jail.
278
00:12:45,246 --> 00:12:46,580
Well, if you're taking him to jail,
279
00:12:46,648 --> 00:12:47,915
you have to take me, too!
280
00:12:47,982 --> 00:12:49,249
I know. That's the plan.
281
00:12:49,317 --> 00:12:52,486
You're under arrest for
harboring an escaped convict.
282
00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:54,488
Oh, well, that's only
fair because after all,
283
00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:56,056
I did hide him from the...
284
00:12:56,124 --> 00:12:57,090
What?!
285
00:13:05,533 --> 00:13:06,667
Uh, hi.
286
00:13:06,734 --> 00:13:10,003
Did you also get caught
trying to vote in Ohio?
287
00:13:14,776 --> 00:13:16,043
Well, this is it.
288
00:13:16,110 --> 00:13:17,511
Meg gets out of jail today.
289
00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:19,813
Already? It seems like just
yesterday we rented her room
290
00:13:19,881 --> 00:13:22,783
to that fly that wants to leave,
but can't figure it out.
291
00:13:24,452 --> 00:13:25,485
Okay, now where now?
292
00:13:25,553 --> 00:13:26,520
Right there.
293
00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:27,955
I'm having some trouble here.
294
00:13:28,022 --> 00:13:29,790
It's right there!
It's right in front of you!
295
00:13:29,858 --> 00:13:31,925
Okay, I can hear you.
Volume's not a problem.
296
00:13:31,993 --> 00:13:33,861
I'm just not quite seeing
what you're referring to.
297
00:13:33,928 --> 00:13:35,329
Okay, then fly, fly out the window.
298
00:13:35,396 --> 00:13:37,164
Up here maybe? No, to your left!
299
00:13:37,232 --> 00:13:38,899
No, that's not it. That's just more wall.
300
00:13:38,967 --> 00:13:40,801
How many eyes do you have, huh?!
301
00:13:40,869 --> 00:13:43,337
Just two, same number as you,
but I can't, I'm not...
302
00:13:43,404 --> 00:13:44,771
Just go! Oh, my God!
303
00:13:44,839 --> 00:13:46,240
Whatever it is you're driving at,
304
00:13:46,307 --> 00:13:47,507
I'm just apparently not getting it...
305
00:13:47,575 --> 00:13:48,742
You're right there!
306
00:13:48,810 --> 00:13:50,244
...so I'm just gonna go back upstairs.
307
00:13:50,311 --> 00:13:52,880
I think we should all go
together to pick Meg up.
308
00:13:52,947 --> 00:13:55,282
She's probably a little fragile
after being in there so long,
309
00:13:55,350 --> 00:13:57,918
and I'm sure she'll be
heartened to see our faces.
310
00:13:59,687 --> 00:14:01,989
I'm home. You're all my bitches now.
311
00:14:03,658 --> 00:14:04,691
Okay.
312
00:14:11,094 --> 00:14:13,296
Meg! You look so different.
313
00:14:13,364 --> 00:14:14,330
How was prison?
314
00:14:14,398 --> 00:14:15,765
First question:
315
00:14:15,833 --> 00:14:18,134
Who's the biggest,
toughest guy in this house?
316
00:14:18,202 --> 00:14:20,103
Well, I don't like to
toot my own horn,
317
00:14:20,171 --> 00:14:21,738
but I believe I hold the distinction...
318
00:14:30,514 --> 00:14:32,315
My house now, bitch!
319
00:14:32,383 --> 00:14:33,850
Now who's the funniest?
320
00:14:33,918 --> 00:14:35,518
I know my way around a joke.
321
00:14:37,488 --> 00:14:38,888
For God's sake, Dad,
322
00:14:38,956 --> 00:14:41,324
Have some humility!
It'll save your life!
323
00:14:41,392 --> 00:14:45,428
There better be beer in the fridge.
324
00:14:45,496 --> 00:14:48,264
Boy, I liked her better when
she was more predictable...
325
00:14:48,332 --> 00:14:50,767
like the stock photos
on a corporate website.
326
00:14:50,835 --> 00:14:53,002
I'm a woman in a lab coat
wearing goggles,
327
00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:55,405
staring intently at a beaker
that I'm holding near my face.
328
00:14:55,473 --> 00:14:57,073
I'm a Latino in a hardhat,
329
00:14:57,141 --> 00:14:59,809
but I'm also wearing a tie
so you know I'm a supervisor.
330
00:14:59,877 --> 00:15:01,911
We're college students
listening to our professor,
331
00:15:01,979 --> 00:15:05,148
but the class is taking
place outside?!
332
00:15:12,223 --> 00:15:13,523
Hey.
333
00:15:13,591 --> 00:15:15,892
Meg! What the hell are you doing in here?!
334
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,961
- Shower time.
- Yeah, for me.
335
00:15:18,028 --> 00:15:20,130
Not... not for... What are you
doing with that loofah?
336
00:15:20,197 --> 00:15:21,097
Don't worry about it.
337
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,201
You told me not to
worry about it!
338
00:15:25,269 --> 00:15:27,704
I shoulda been worried
the whole time!
339
00:15:29,907 --> 00:15:33,076
Meg, honey?
I did all your laundry.
340
00:15:33,144 --> 00:15:36,079
Oh, my God, what is that smell?
341
00:15:36,147 --> 00:15:37,247
It's my poop bucket.
342
00:15:37,314 --> 00:15:38,481
What the hell?!
343
00:15:38,549 --> 00:15:40,817
I'm used to going to the
bathroom in my room.
344
00:15:40,885 --> 00:15:42,385
That's disgusting!
345
00:15:42,453 --> 00:15:44,854
No, you use the toilet
here like everyone else!
346
00:15:44,922 --> 00:15:46,623
- No.
- Ugh!
347
00:15:46,690 --> 00:15:48,091
God, it smells horrible!
348
00:15:48,159 --> 00:15:50,827
Well, can you at least empty
it each time you use it?
349
00:15:50,895 --> 00:15:52,428
I like to fill it up.
350
00:15:52,496 --> 00:15:53,830
I'm not making a million trips.
351
00:15:53,898 --> 00:15:57,200
Oh, my God, are you using
my shirts as toilet paper?
352
00:15:57,268 --> 00:15:58,368
Yeah. And I think
353
00:15:58,435 --> 00:16:00,737
I might need some right now.
354
00:16:00,804 --> 00:16:03,673
Get out now or stay and get weird.
355
00:16:03,741 --> 00:16:05,208
Your call, warden.
356
00:16:09,813 --> 00:16:11,548
Hey, who's the new dude?
357
00:16:11,615 --> 00:16:13,183
Oh, my God,
that's Meg Griffin!
358
00:16:13,250 --> 00:16:15,418
She just got out of prison!
359
00:16:15,486 --> 00:16:17,654
Hey, Meg,
what'd they put you in jail for,
360
00:16:17,721 --> 00:16:18,755
being ugly?
361
00:16:20,558 --> 00:16:21,991
Hey, Meg, what happened?
362
00:16:22,059 --> 00:16:23,826
Did you get out early
for fat behavior?
363
00:16:25,629 --> 00:16:26,829
Nice tattoo.
364
00:16:26,897 --> 00:16:28,598
Did you get your
butt hair braided, too,
365
00:16:28,666 --> 00:16:30,400
while you were in there?
366
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:32,635
What'd you do,
carve a gun out of soap
367
00:16:32,703 --> 00:16:35,371
and then not wash with it?
Ha-ha! P.U.
368
00:16:37,107 --> 00:16:39,642
Hey, Meg, are you gonna
take those soda cans
369
00:16:39,710 --> 00:16:41,611
to the Shaw-skank
Redemption Center?
370
00:16:55,926 --> 00:16:58,228
Peter, Meg's been
suspended from school.
371
00:16:58,295 --> 00:16:59,963
That's okay.
Whatever she wants to do.
372
00:17:00,030 --> 00:17:01,931
She cracked three kids' skulls open!
373
00:17:01,999 --> 00:17:03,800
Ever since she's gotten out of prison,
374
00:17:03,867 --> 00:17:05,602
she is completely out of control.
375
00:17:05,669 --> 00:17:07,070
Don't you see?
376
00:17:07,137 --> 00:17:09,072
That's what the penal
system does in this country.
377
00:17:09,139 --> 00:17:10,607
It turns small-time offenders
into hardened criminals.
378
00:17:10,674 --> 00:17:12,976
Look at Meg. They took
an innocent little girl
379
00:17:13,043 --> 00:17:15,378
and turned her into a psychotic,
sociopathic freak.
380
00:17:17,248 --> 00:17:18,514
What'd you say, Brian?
381
00:17:18,582 --> 00:17:21,017
Oh, I... I was just picking
up on something Lois said.
382
00:17:21,085 --> 00:17:22,585
What... what was it?
What'd you say, Lois?
383
00:17:22,653 --> 00:17:24,020
Something about Meg being a freak?
384
00:17:24,088 --> 00:17:26,189
Oh, no, I didn't say anything.
385
00:17:26,257 --> 00:17:27,857
Uh, Peter said something about Meg,
386
00:17:27,925 --> 00:17:29,626
which I completely disagree with.
387
00:17:29,693 --> 00:17:30,960
That... that... that wasn't me.
388
00:17:31,028 --> 00:17:32,662
Stewie was really laying
into Meg about something.
389
00:17:32,730 --> 00:17:33,563
Yeah, it was Stewie.
390
00:17:33,631 --> 00:17:34,697
Definitely Stewie.
391
00:17:34,765 --> 00:17:36,499
Oh, so now everyone understands me.
392
00:17:36,567 --> 00:17:39,035
Look, Meg,
we're just worried about you.
393
00:17:39,103 --> 00:17:41,170
Well, don't. I can take care of myself.
394
00:17:41,238 --> 00:17:43,239
I'll be outta here by the end of the week.
395
00:17:43,307 --> 00:17:45,141
Punch yourself in the face.
396
00:17:46,243 --> 00:17:47,477
Punch yourself in the face!
397
00:17:48,812 --> 00:17:50,613
All right, he doesn't know what he's doing.
398
00:17:50,681 --> 00:17:53,616
You, fatso, punch your baby in the fa...
399
00:17:53,684 --> 00:17:54,851
I did good, Meg?
400
00:17:54,918 --> 00:17:56,753
Shut up.
401
00:17:56,820 --> 00:17:59,789
I did good. I did good.
402
00:18:08,265 --> 00:18:09,465
Drive.
403
00:18:09,533 --> 00:18:12,068
Uh, any particular direction?
404
00:18:12,136 --> 00:18:13,136
That way.
405
00:18:15,639 --> 00:18:17,206
You're gonna help me get some money
406
00:18:17,274 --> 00:18:18,908
so I can get out of this town.
407
00:18:18,976 --> 00:18:20,376
Really? Where are you gonna go?
408
00:18:20,444 --> 00:18:22,545
I don't know. Somewhere far away.
409
00:18:22,613 --> 00:18:24,447
Maybe China.
410
00:18:24,515 --> 00:18:26,149
I hear they got Nascar there now.
411
00:18:34,024 --> 00:18:37,293
What kind of birdhouse can
you build with popsicles,
412
00:18:37,361 --> 00:18:38,728
roofies, and a mallet?
413
00:18:38,796 --> 00:18:42,432
It's for a rare African bird
called "Nunya business."
414
00:18:45,035 --> 00:18:46,736
Hi, Meg. Can I help you?
415
00:18:46,804 --> 00:18:48,838
Hands in the air, Goldman!
416
00:18:48,906 --> 00:18:51,007
Oh, my God, what are you doing?!
417
00:18:51,075 --> 00:18:52,008
Gimme your money!
418
00:18:52,076 --> 00:18:53,810
Here, here, just take this jar
419
00:18:53,877 --> 00:18:55,044
for the leukemia kids.
420
00:18:55,112 --> 00:18:56,646
I don't give it to 'em anyhow.
421
00:18:56,714 --> 00:18:58,014
Meg, put down the gun.
422
00:18:58,082 --> 00:18:59,682
Brian, get back in the car!
423
00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:03,186
Look, don't do this.
This isn't you, Meg.
424
00:19:03,253 --> 00:19:05,088
What happened to
the girl we used to know?
425
00:19:05,155 --> 00:19:07,023
The one that Luke fell in love with?
426
00:19:07,091 --> 00:19:08,391
The one he's expecting to see
427
00:19:08,459 --> 00:19:10,593
when he steps out of
that prison in fourty years?
428
00:19:10,661 --> 00:19:11,994
I don't care about Luke.
429
00:19:12,062 --> 00:19:14,430
I don't need him.
I don't need anyone!
430
00:19:14,498 --> 00:19:16,099
Look, if you don't
put the gun down,
431
00:19:16,166 --> 00:19:17,734
I'm gonna be forced
to call the police.
432
00:19:17,801 --> 00:19:19,235
Good! Call the police!
433
00:19:19,303 --> 00:19:20,370
I want you to!
434
00:19:20,437 --> 00:19:22,538
What do I care
if I go back to prison?
435
00:19:22,606 --> 00:19:23,873
Nobody cares about me anyway!
436
00:19:23,941 --> 00:19:25,641
You're wrong, Meg.
437
00:19:25,709 --> 00:19:27,377
I wanna show you something.
438
00:19:29,747 --> 00:19:32,215
Teen People?
439
00:19:32,282 --> 00:19:34,050
It's the article I wrote about you.
440
00:19:34,118 --> 00:19:36,452
You wrote an article about me?
441
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:37,520
They wanted a story
442
00:19:37,588 --> 00:19:39,288
about a typical teenage girl.
443
00:19:39,356 --> 00:19:43,025
Is it "A Fistful of Backne:
Tale of a Teenage Loser"?
444
00:19:43,093 --> 00:19:45,395
Yeah, they make the title.
Read paragraph three.
445
00:19:45,462 --> 00:19:47,163
This isn't a library, you know.
446
00:19:47,231 --> 00:19:49,665
"And in the face of every
adolescent challenge,
447
00:19:49,733 --> 00:19:51,968
"she looks at the world through hopeful eyes
448
00:19:52,035 --> 00:19:54,003
"and maintains an
uncommon resilience
449
00:19:54,071 --> 00:19:55,538
"that can only be admired.
450
00:19:55,606 --> 00:19:59,208
"In this sense, Meg Griffin is
not the typical American girl.
451
00:19:59,276 --> 00:20:02,545
She is far sweeter and
kinder than that."
452
00:20:02,613 --> 00:20:05,581
Oh, God, that is so nice, Brian.
453
00:20:05,649 --> 00:20:07,016
Did you mean all that?
454
00:20:07,084 --> 00:20:08,484
Of course I did.
455
00:20:08,552 --> 00:20:11,254
Oh, my God, I...
I can't believe I did this.
456
00:20:11,321 --> 00:20:14,590
I was just so tired of being
everyone's whipping girl
457
00:20:14,658 --> 00:20:17,059
that it felt kind of good
to do some of the whipping.
458
00:20:17,127 --> 00:20:18,795
Give me the gun, Meg.
459
00:20:21,598 --> 00:20:24,133
Thanks for reminding me
who I really am.
460
00:20:29,773 --> 00:20:31,507
Well, at least I didn't get robbed.
461
00:20:33,010 --> 00:20:36,446
And what can I do for you four
fine black gentlemen today?
462
00:20:40,617 --> 00:20:43,586
I got to say, Meg, I like you
so much better like this.
463
00:20:43,654 --> 00:20:45,021
Me, too, Meg.
464
00:20:45,088 --> 00:20:46,856
God, it must have been horrible in there.
465
00:20:46,924 --> 00:20:48,257
It wasn't so bad.
466
00:20:48,325 --> 00:20:49,992
- I met Wesley Snipes.
- Is that right?
467
00:20:50,060 --> 00:20:52,094
Yeah. Oh, and
you know what's funny?
468
00:20:52,162 --> 00:20:53,863
He was inmate 57, too.
469
00:20:53,931 --> 00:20:54,730
Huh?
470
00:20:54,798 --> 00:20:56,732
He was inmate 57?
471
00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,235
See, he did a movie called
Passenger 57.
472
00:20:59,303 --> 00:21:00,369
Ah.
473
00:21:00,437 --> 00:21:01,838
Well, terrific.
474
00:21:01,905 --> 00:21:04,106
Always end on a strong joke.
34528
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