All language subtitles for mental_1_Eng

So, what's going on?

I just lost my best friends.

What?

I just lost my best friends.

Yesterday, I...

What's that?

Yesterday, I took all the medicine
to kill myself.

I’ve lost everything.

Huh?

I’ve lost everything.

They said they don't want anything
to do with me anymore.

What?

They all said they never want
to see me again.

Oh, did they?

So, they actually said that?

I don't know what to do.

Have you experienced
this kind of thing before?

Yes, many times.

What?

Many times.

How did you overcome it then?

Before,

...it was me who left them.

You mean, you are in shock
because THEY left you this time?

It used to be YOU
who left your friends.

So, back then, they probably felt
the same way you do now.

Do you want to ask them why?

What do you mean?

Do you want to ask them...

What's the problem
they have with you?

You may want to ask them...

Do I ask them?

Yes. By all means.

It must be tough for you
not knowing why.

I just want to die.

Well, you can't just die...

...because you have to think of
your children, right?

Do you have any medicine left?

No.

You took it all?

Take care of yourself.

Next, please.

Thank you very much.

An Observational Film #2
by Kazuhiro Soda

MENTAL

Waiting Room
Smoking Permitted

I have bipolar disorder.

I usually come here to
see the doctor at 6:30 AM.

But this morning,
I was too depressed to drive.

So, I had to bother my mother,
and asked her to take me here.

I have this desire to...
well, to kill myself.

I would feel relief
if I could kill myself.

While watching my friends...

...committing suicide
one after another,

...I imagine that
they are now relieved.

Last July, my best friend
also committed suicide...

...by jumping from a tall building.

OK.

Is Ms. Sumida here?

I’ll go look for her.

If she’s not here, Mr. Fujii's next.

She's not here.

Mr. Fujii, it's your turn.

Consultation Room

How are you?

Well... I'm restless.

I’m agitated and...

...It's so hard to relax myself
during the day.

Sometimes, I feel
I should just kill myself...

...to end this suffering.

But in the evening
I chant sutras with my parents,

...and I start feeling relaxed.

Last night at dinner,
I told this to my parents.

They said maybe it's because
I don't have any work to do.

Of course, I do stuff like delivering
milk on Wednesday and Friday,

...but otherwise,
I have no set schedule.

That must be why I'm
restless, they said.

What's your opinion?

They might be right,

...but if I could do
what I really wanted...

...I wouldn't want to
kill myself, I guess.

If only I could do
what I wanted every day.

You chant and you have dinner
with your parents in the evening,

...but until then,
you're alone, right?

Yes, I'm alone.

That's when you feel irritated?

Right. I suffer when I'm alone.

When I’m with you or other people,
I feel calm.

It's solitude or loneliness that's
enormously painful for me, I guess.

'A destination to go and
a place to be are a reason to live. '

You may want to work
on your reason to live.

For example, can you come up with
a short term objective?

A short term objective?
What do you mean by that?

Like, “I'll complete this
and this in a week”

Wow, I've never thought about
that before. Not at all.

Can you create
something like that?

Like, “I'll finish reading this book.”

Finish reading a book?

I see. That could be
an objective, too, huh?

Why don't I try this...
listening to FEBC radio

...on the internet for two weeks?

I really like listening to that program
because it calms me.

That's a great objective for you.
Then, when you set a goal,

...tell it to me or one of your friends.

Like, “I'm going to do
such and such in a week.”

By telling your friends,

...you share your experience
with them.

Do you know what I mean?

So, like I can tell it to Sasaki?

That's right.

By doing that,
you connect with people.

People will also have something
to talk about with you.

Please think about a
“destination to go.”

Like a life destination? OK.

Destination to go
Place to be Reason to live

I am a thousand winds that blow...

This is a beautiful place, isn't it?
I love it when looking up.

Yes, I'm here about twice a week.

I come here even when
I don't have to see the doctor...

...because it's fun,
and it's a change of pace.

I should have put on lipstick today.

Dr. Yamamoto diagnosed me with
atypical psychosis and depression.

Depression is really painful.

You can't understand the pain
unless you've experienced it.

All you can think about is dying.

You can't eat, you can't take a bath,
you can't do anything.

It's so tough.

You have no idea how painful it is.

I constantly torture myself saying
«I’m no good, I’m no good.»

But only recently,
I began to be able to accept myself,

...just like Dr. Yamamoto
kept telling me.

Can you go in?
OK.

You said you received a letter?

Yes, a strange letter.
This is weird.

He's got my right address.

Dear Madame,

Autumn has come,
the season for sex.

Don't masturbate.
Just have sex.

Do you like smoking?
Yours, Hashimoto

This is sexual harassment, isn't it?
It's terrible.

I should ignore this, right?

I shouldn’t report it
to the police, should l?

What do YOU think you should do?

I think I should ignore it.

If something should happen,
I’ll leave this as evidence.

You haven't called him, right?

No way. I'll just
keep the letter for now.

Here you go.

Sueta, thank you for waiting.

One night?
Yes.

I’m not supposed to speak
to the other guests, right?

No, it's fine, you can.

This room.

Let's get some fresh air.
It's a bit stiffly.

And I've got to give you
a key to the room.

Can I go get it?
Yes.

See you later, then.

Why are you staying here tonight?

Well, I hear voices
when I'm at home.

They tell me to get out.

So, I slept on the street
for two days.

It was really hard.

So, I went to see a doctor
at Kawada mental hospital,

...but I didn't feel better.

I came here, and remembered
they had a short-stay facility,

...so I decided to use it.

But I'll go home tomorrow.

You slept on the street?
Yeah.

Where?

In a park.

I slept in a park.

Didn't you get bitten
by mosquitoes?
Yeah, I did.

What do the voices tell you?

They tell me to get out of my home.

They say I'm not needed there.

And lots of other things.

I was so terrified and left home on
Friday... no, on Saturday.

But I didn't have too much money,
so I slept in the park.

Whose voice is it?

I don't know. I don't recognize it,
but it's a man's voice.

Actually,
I kind of recognize his voice.

It sounds like my dad.

He left us more than 20 years ago,

...so I don't even remember his face.

But I remember his voice,
and that's what I hear I guess.

I’m glad I can sleep
here tonight, though.

Hello.
Yes.

This is your receipt, change,
and the key. It's for this door.

Was there an incident that originally
triggered your illness?

Yes. When I was around 20,

...I didn't get along with my mom.

Back then,
word processing was new,

...and I was taking
a class to learn how.

But I kept it a secret
from my mom...

...because she opposed
whatever I did.

But since I went there
every Sunday,

...she asked me why
I go out every Sunday.

I told her the truth,
and she was furious.

She locked me up in our house
to prevent me from going.

So I had to stop taking classes.

Then, she became ill.

She got uterine cancer
and had to be hospitalized.

Since my father wasn't around,

...I had to take care of everything.

I had to go to the hospital, talk to
the doctor, discuss treatments...

...things a mature adult
would take care of.

But I was only 24 at the time.

It was so overwhelming
and just too much.

One day, I bought a bunch of pills...

...and took them all to die.

Then, I felt sick to my stomach
and called a helpline.

They said, “How can I help you?”

I told them to please let me die.

I also told them
I opened the gas pipe.

They said to close it, but I didn't.

They traced the call,
came to my house,

...and took me to
Kawasaki Hospital.

The doctor there said
I should be hospitalized.

Since then,
I’ve been battling my illness.

But when I was married,

...my husband didn't let me
visit the mental hospital.

When we lost our first child,

...I got really sick and
was hospitalized again.

After I got out of the hospital,

...I continued to visit
the mental specialist,

...but I kept it a secret
from my husband,

...because he threatened to divorce
me if I kept visiting the hospital.

Eventually, I had to
stop seeing the doctor.

We were married for 12 years,

...but when it was over,
I became even sicker...

...and started having hallucinations.

So, I began to visit
this place, Chorale.

But then I was hospitalized again at
Kawada Mental Hospital for a year.

For a year?

Yeah, I was in and out.

I would take too much medicine, get
hospitalized, then get discharged...

...6 times in one year.

You mean, you wanted to
die all those times?

Right. But the doctor told me that
I can't kill myself by taking medicine.

He told me I shouldn’t even try.

Then, he tried to
push me out of the hospital.

I opposed leaving the hospital...

...because I didn't want to
be in my apartment.

I begged him to let me stay
until I got better,

...but he refused,
and abandoned me.

How did you lose your child?

Abuse.

Who abused him?

I did.

When the baby was 1 month old,

...my husband worked nights
as a truck driver.

While he was gone,
the baby kept crying.

I gave him milk, changed
his diaper, cradled him in my arms,

...but he never stopped crying.

I didn't know what to do.
It was really exhausting.

But my husband
never understood me.

Since the baby slept during the day,

...he never saw him really crying.

He said, “My ex-wife had
no problem raising kids.

You should be able to do it, too.”

But it was my first child,

...and even my mom
didn't help me at all.

I was all alone and helpless.

I took the baby to the I month exam,

...and realized that
he weighed less than before.

The doctor told me
that I'm a lousy mother,

...which made me really depressed.

I wish he could give me advice
rather than saying I’m a bad mother.

One day, I had a quarrel with
my husband before he left for work.

I was really desperate.

Then, the baby started crying,
and I covered his mouth.

He stopped moving,

...so I tried artificial respiration
but didn't work.

I called an ambulance,
and it slowed up with the police.

The cops handcuffed me,

...and took me to the station
to interrogate me.

At that time, my baby was
in a vegetable like state.

The doctor told me
he probably wouldn’t recover.

At best, he'll remain
a vegetable, he said.

A month later, they called me
because he was dying.

When we arrived, it was midnight.

We were hungry, so we
decided to have some take out.

My brother bought some
Tonkatsu bento boxes for us.

My mom and I, my brother,
and my husband were there.

When we were eating,

...the doctor said that
my baby had already died.

I believe he didn't tell us
when he was actually dying...

...because we would have been
too out of control.

We had a funeral,
took the bones home,

...and kept them at a Buddhist temple
since we had no family grave.

After that, every time
we visited the temple,

...my husband and I were dead silent.

And every time we had a fight,

...he accused me of ruining
our marriage by killing our child.

It's true I killed him,
but it made me so sad.

Really sad.

I was always weeping.

A cop told me that...

...I’ll be burdened
with my deed forever.

I can never forget what he said.

One year later,
I gave birth to my second child.

He's supposed to have a big brother,

...and I really wish I could
watch him growing up now.

Sometimes, I see my dead son
in my dreams.

He's in 8th grade, and he smiles at me.

I feel he might have forgiven me,

...but I know it's just wishful thinking.

These are the ingredients
for the soup.

Yamakawa, how should I cut this?

Well, it's up to you.

Oops, I spilled some coffee.

That's not good... hold it, hold it.

Just a moment. Let's stop the water.

What should I do?

It's OK. Now only water will drain.

Just wait a little bit.

Can I put this here?

Hello.

Hi, welcome.

480 yen, please.

Thank you for the exact change.

Mini Chora Menu
Macaroni au gratin
Vegetable soup

Do you want some parsley?
Yes.

Dream Studio "Pastel"

Milk

It's hot today, isn't it.

It sure is!

Sorry that I haven't been around lately.

Good morning.

I’m delivering milk.

Thank you.

bowwow!

Can I get change?
Sure.

That's for Kawai. 1880 yen.

Coffee purchasing.
April... May...

Pastel, the milk delivery service,
is profitable.

But Mini Chora, the restaurant,
is rather difficult.

If you didn't have any grants
from the government,

...could you still run them?

That would be hard.

If we continued to pay
patients the way we do,

...both Pastel and Mini Choral
would go under.

The Supporting Independence of
People with Disabilities (SIPD) Bill...

...will soon pass in the Diet,
so everything will be different.

The Diet is Discussing SIED Bill

Can Lawmakers Ease
the Anxiety of the Disabled?

First, an announcement.

Koseiren activists had
a meeting last Friday.

They decided to submit
a list of demands...

Reconsider the SIPD Bill!
They decided to submit
a list of demands...

Reconsider the SIPD Bill!!

Reconsider the SIED Bill!
...regarding the SIPD bill to
the Liberal Democratic Party,

...regarding the SIPD bill to
the Liberal Democratic Party,

...in addition to
Okayama city government.

Medical Expenses for the Disabled
Jump from "Zero" to "10%"

Medical Expenses forte Disabled
Jump from "Zero" to "10%"
If the SIPD bill becomes a law,

Medical Expenses for the Disabled
Jump from "Zero" to "10%"

Medical Expenses for the Disabled
Jump from "Zero" to "10%"
...we worry that medical expenses
for patients will increase,

...we worry that medical expenses
for patients will increase,

...and that many of you might not
be able to receive proper treatment...

...because you may choose
to see the doctor...

...Less frequently or
to take cheaper medicines.

Kojima here has a proposal.
No, it's Dr. Yamamoto's.

Is that so?

Anyway, Kojima consulted the doctor...

...because he's worried about life
after his parents are dead.

He wants to have a meeting...

...with people who share
the same anxiety.

He proposes having a discussion
while drinking sake at Ozeki.

I’m not sure what you mean.

Do you want to discuss things...

...we should prepare for
when our parents die?

Or, do we just express our general
anxiety in the meeting?

Well, I'm just worried.

Kojima, you'll chair the meeting, right?

I have no idea how to
survive if I’m left alone.

You mean, financially?

I’ll need breakfast, lunch, dinner...

Aha. You don't know
how much you'll need to live?

Right.

Your mother takes care of it now?
Yes.

I see.

The doctor told me
to make a copy and file it here.

I made a copy. Let's file it.

What's that?

An application for
“sickness & injury benefit.”

When you are sick and
need to stop working,

...the benefits can be paid
to the patients from...

...the government agency in
lieu of the salary they lost.

But you need a letter of
explanation from the doctor.

Usually, they pay you if the doctor
submits the necessary documents,

...but this time, they asked
for further details.

So, the doctor is
replying to their questions.

It's a lifeline for many patients.

Can I buy a ticket for
the Chorale year end party?

2,000 yen, please.

Here you go.

Can you sleep at night?

The drug you prescribed,
Perospirone...? It's way too strong.

Let's reduce Flunitrazepam to 1 mg.
Can you try that?

Let's also reduce Fluvoxamine
little by little.

Okay.

Thank you.

I’m suffering from... eating disorders.

Since I was little,

I’ve always had a problem
getting along with other people.

I felt something like
a balloon inside me...

...kept growing little by little.

At one point,

...somebody said
something really terrible to me,

...and the already
big balloon just exploded.

What he said just pushed my button.

What did he say to you?

He said my legs are fat.

I wanted to work somewhere,
but nobody hired me.

Dr. Yamamoto suggested...

...I learn to make prescriptions
to work in this room.

His suggestion made me happy...

...because I felt he trusted me enough...

...to work in this room that is off limits.

Here's Flunitrazepam... oops,
actually, it's Paxil.

I tried to take a walk yesterday,
but I couldn't.

Because of the drug?

Yes. It contained
some muscle relaxant.

Please hold.

Sasaki, a phone call from the National
Health Insurance Organization.

Oh, they must have an answer now.

Hello, this is Sasaki speaking.

Aha... Oh, I see.
Thank you very much.

Wow, it was bad news.

What did they say?

They said they reduced the drug
coverage from 42 days to 28 days.

What?

They just cut 14 days of Akineton...

...and Risperdal because
42 days is too long.

Is that what they said?

42 days is too long for the drugs.

Some patients like Negishi are
receiving too many days' worth.

They may get rid of them as well.

We need to be careful with the
Kurashiki city government.

They are tough.

Maybe it was a tough doctor.

It's sad because this was
the second review they had.

They reviewed things twice,
and said no.

They don't even listen to us.

We're gonna have the same problem with
many other patients losing medication.

Right. I don't know what to do.

If a pharmaceutical company
like us did the test,

...you may be suspicious
of some kind of bias.

But this test was done by
a public organization in the US,

...and the report was published
in the New England Journal.

Many university researchers
praise this test.

I see.

For chronic schizophrenia,
it is important for patients...

...to be able to keep taking
the medicine for a long time.

We believe Zyprexa is
best suited for their needs.

Please try it for some patients
with serious symptoms.

Thank you for your time.

Stomach medicine.

This one is for constipation. I tend to
get constipated because of the drugs.

This is to prevent panic attacks.

This is to take before I go to sleep.

The red ones are Vegetamin.

If you take too many, you could die.

I also take these white ones.

They're strong enough to put
a normal person to sleep for a few days.

You're not a normal person?
Well, I'm just too used to it.

This is an anti depressant.

This is a tranquilizer.

This... when you're agitated,
you take it.

Humans can't take this many drugs.

How do you pay for
all these medications?

Since I’m on welfare,
I don't have to pay.

But they're changing laws
to make us pay for 10%.

If that happens, we just won't survive.

Thanks a lot, PM Koizumi.

Actually, it took forever to receive
my first welfare checks.

It would have been OK if I was alone,

...but I have two kids to feed.

I had no choice but to sell my body,
wandering around the streets at night.

Back then I was slim a real beauty.

I’m now too fat for that,

...but I was attractive enough,
back then.

I negotiated a price
and earned some money at night.

It was so humiliating.

How old are your kids?

They are 13 and 11 ... no, 10 years old.

They live in this institution for children...

...which was established
by a Buddhist temple.

My kids call me once a week,

...and talk for 10 minutes each.

Dear Mommy, how are you?
Today is Valentine's Day!

My biggest wish in the world
is for Mommy to get well.

Enjoy the milk chocolate
from Hokkaido. Please be happy!

This letter is my little treasure.

Mom and my big sister

You're not alone.

This is me.

- You look so different.
- I know.

Can I speak to the camera?
Sure.

Junichiro, come back to me.

Who's that?

My son.

I haven’t seen him for 3 years now,
because I’m mentally ill.

Do you ever contact him?

He refuses my calls.

He doesn't pick up when you call?

Well, he hangs up
as soon as he hears my voice.

He must hate me so much.
He sometimes visits his grandmother.

I think he didn't like what he saw...

...when I was seriously sick.

But I wanna see him.

That's only natural.

Yeah, I miss him so much!

Welfare Designated Doctor

I’ve got to start
preparing for the landing...

...since I'll probably die
in about 20 to 30 years...

But meanwhile, I'm getting
nervous because...

...the government is even
cutting welfare.

I thought welfare was
our last resort to rely on,

...but it may be gone
when we need it most.

I don't feel any kindness
in society anymore.

There is nothing but
bad news all the time.

What happened to the idea
of moving to a remote village?

Become a farmer? I still like that idea.

The other day, I bumped into
my cousin who lives in a village,

...so I asked him, “how much cash
do you need to live for a month?”

He said, “60,000 yen.”

You mean, including the cost
of seedlings and fertilizer?

Well, he told me that...

...people in the village give you
their leftovers if you're new.

Wouldn’t it be OK
if you had connections?

You wouldn’t be all alone.

For mental patients like us,

...money can be
the best medicine sometimes.

It's true that money could make you
feel better, but only temporarily.

I know that money
can't solve everything.

But I believe it could solve
half of our problems.

I guess you're right...

Old Age / Childhood

Manhood / Productive Years

It goes around the circle.

Then death comes to end your life?

No, maybe it doesn't end there.

Childhood

Manhood

Old Age

Death

Death

Which one do you prefer?

I want to believe in this circular one.

It fits my Buddhist belief, too.

You're probably ready to switch
your philosophy to the circular one.

Yeah, I'm already preparing for landing.

You used to be going straight like this.

You see? Take it easy.

You're living with your parents.
So, your mom fixes your meals, right?

Do you want to try cooking?

What do you mean by
“luxurious food”?

Sushi.

Sushi? Hand shaped?

That's tough to make.

For example, you shouldn’t throw away
the outer leaves of the lettuce.