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1
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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
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We have just returned from the talkies.
3
00:00:14,559 --> 00:00:16,761
They should never have added sound.
4
00:00:16,763 --> 00:00:19,796
There was pop music and people
talking all the way through it.
5
00:00:19,798 --> 00:00:21,099
We had to watch it like this.
6
00:00:21,101 --> 00:00:24,102
I mean, it was better, but I
had no idea what was going on.
7
00:00:24,104 --> 00:00:26,705
I like to read when I'm
watching the pictures.
8
00:00:26,707 --> 00:00:29,774
- And then I can...
- Laszlo.
9
00:00:29,776 --> 00:00:31,542
- Hello?
- Hello.
10
00:00:31,544 --> 00:00:34,212
Do you hear this? There is a
voice coming from the sewer.
11
00:00:34,214 --> 00:00:35,279
Laszlo.
12
00:00:35,281 --> 00:00:36,948
"Laszlo". It's saying my name.
13
00:00:36,950 --> 00:00:38,482
You won't be able to hear
that 'cause you don't have
14
00:00:38,484 --> 00:00:40,086
the finely attuned ears that we do.
15
00:00:40,088 --> 00:00:43,054
Excuse me, good evening.
Are you in the sewer?
16
00:00:43,056 --> 00:00:44,288
Yes.
17
00:00:44,290 --> 00:00:45,389
- Yes, it says.
- Oh.
18
00:00:45,391 --> 00:00:48,794
Come into the sewer.
19
00:00:48,796 --> 00:00:50,762
- In the sewer?
- Yes, yes.
20
00:00:50,764 --> 00:00:52,763
I don't think so, me old boy.
21
00:00:52,765 --> 00:00:56,232
Come. Please.
22
00:00:56,234 --> 00:00:57,701
We're in a sewer.
23
00:00:57,703 --> 00:01:00,370
Quite why we're in a
sewer, I've no idea.
24
00:01:00,372 --> 00:01:02,372
Because we've been
invited here, darling.
25
00:01:02,374 --> 00:01:04,240
What, to walk through
a shit pipe? Please.
26
00:01:04,242 --> 00:01:06,743
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
27
00:01:06,745 --> 00:01:08,611
What in hell's house was that?
28
00:01:10,182 --> 00:01:12,448
Show yourself.
29
00:01:12,450 --> 00:01:14,984
- Hello?
- Be you vampire?
30
00:01:14,986 --> 00:01:16,119
Rude.
31
00:01:16,121 --> 00:01:18,889
What was that?
32
00:01:18,891 --> 00:01:22,659
Huh? Hello? Excuse me.
33
00:01:22,661 --> 00:01:26,596
We mean no harm, we're just
w-walking in your shit pipe.
34
00:01:26,598 --> 00:01:28,431
Don't worry, my darling,
I shall protect you.
35
00:01:28,433 --> 00:01:30,233
You're just pushing me in front of you.
36
00:01:30,235 --> 00:01:32,435
- I know what I'm doing.
- What, putting me in front
37
00:01:32,437 --> 00:01:34,938
- to get the danger first?
- Who is that?
38
00:01:36,408 --> 00:01:39,741
You're kidding.
Simon the fucking Devious.
39
00:01:39,743 --> 00:01:41,579
Yes. It's me.
40
00:01:41,581 --> 00:01:43,481
I was never in any doubt.
41
00:01:43,483 --> 00:01:45,647
You just said you
didn't know who it was.
42
00:02:21,352 --> 00:02:25,287
One of the best ways
to drain people's energy
43
00:02:25,289 --> 00:02:28,156
now-a-days is via the Internet.
44
00:02:28,158 --> 00:02:31,192
This woman is a astrophysicist.
45
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:35,830
"Actually, this is not how space works.
46
00:02:35,832 --> 00:02:37,899
Read a book".
47
00:02:37,901 --> 00:02:39,468
Now I just wait
48
00:02:39,470 --> 00:02:41,703
for the comments to come in.
49
00:02:41,705 --> 00:02:44,640
"Hey, can you mansplain any louder?"
50
00:02:44,642 --> 00:02:46,275
Yeah, sure.
51
00:02:46,277 --> 00:02:49,512
These are all different
accounts that I have set up.
52
00:02:49,514 --> 00:02:52,614
The energy you get this
way isn't quite as pure,
53
00:02:52,616 --> 00:02:55,484
but if you do enough of
it, it'll fill you up.
54
00:02:55,486 --> 00:02:57,886
"Shanghai sucked.
55
00:02:57,888 --> 00:03:01,222
Where was the Chinatown?"
56
00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:04,683
"Jason Mraz is just too weird for me".
57
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,987
"Jesus actually hates horses".
58
00:03:07,989 --> 00:03:12,059
"Childhood obesity? LMFO".
59
00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:14,903
When they call you a dumbass,
you know you've got them.
60
00:03:14,905 --> 00:03:17,371
They called me a dumbass.
61
00:03:17,373 --> 00:03:20,441
"Women are getting too tall".
62
00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:24,217
You can drain their
energy via social media
63
00:03:24,219 --> 00:03:26,480
without having to even be near them.
64
00:03:26,482 --> 00:03:28,149
"That is racist".
65
00:03:28,151 --> 00:03:30,185
You are correct, it is.
66
00:03:30,187 --> 00:03:31,385
Oh, yeah.
67
00:03:31,387 --> 00:03:34,187
Yeah, yeah. Oh, they hate me.
68
00:03:34,189 --> 00:03:37,090
It's surprisingly simple
to get total strangers
69
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,392
completely furious with you.
70
00:03:38,394 --> 00:03:40,528
"I should get a life".
71
00:03:42,198 --> 00:03:44,198
Come, come, come in.
72
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,467
It's a beautiful song, isn't it?
73
00:03:46,469 --> 00:03:47,702
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, great.
74
00:03:47,704 --> 00:03:49,470
- Um...
- We got to go.
75
00:03:49,472 --> 00:03:51,860
Y-You remember, uh, Count Rapula,
76
00:03:51,862 --> 00:03:53,774
from my crew?
77
00:03:53,776 --> 00:03:55,476
- ♪ Sewer dwelling... ♪
- Oh, God.
78
00:03:55,478 --> 00:03:57,678
♪ Deeper than hell, and subterranean ♪
79
00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,313
♪ Hotter than uranium ♪
80
00:03:59,315 --> 00:04:01,482
♪ Playing 'em from the cranium. ♪
81
00:04:01,484 --> 00:04:03,684
Yes, "straight from the
cranium". How does he do it?
82
00:04:03,686 --> 00:04:07,988
I think he pre-writes the raps
and pretends they're freestyled.
83
00:04:07,990 --> 00:04:09,089
And Carol.
84
00:04:09,091 --> 00:04:12,159
Uh, where is my dear Carol? Is she here?
85
00:04:12,161 --> 00:04:14,161
Good heavens.
86
00:04:14,163 --> 00:04:16,497
Ah, there she is.
87
00:04:16,499 --> 00:04:18,866
A vision, isn't she?
88
00:04:18,868 --> 00:04:22,870
And that is, well, about
the extent of the crew now.
89
00:04:22,872 --> 00:04:24,971
Most of them left after...
90
00:04:24,973 --> 00:04:29,509
Are you aware that...
my nightclub exploded?
91
00:04:29,511 --> 00:04:30,677
Um...
92
00:04:30,679 --> 00:04:32,512
- Touch the sky!
- Touch the sky.
93
00:04:32,514 --> 00:04:34,280
- Shit!
- Shit!
94
00:04:34,282 --> 00:04:36,315
I think my hat's probably cursed.
95
00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:37,484
No.
96
00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:41,454
Yes, well, it exploded
and I lost my home.
97
00:04:41,456 --> 00:04:45,492
I was found in the wreckage
by the ambulance people.
98
00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:46,792
Is that you in there, Simon?
99
00:04:46,794 --> 00:04:49,596
Well, I'm gonna take my hat back,
you crispy piece of shit.
100
00:04:51,099 --> 00:04:53,767
Just going to turn this off.
101
00:04:53,769 --> 00:04:57,604
I don't know how to play
the piano, so I use a Zune.
102
00:04:58,606 --> 00:05:02,141
- How did I survive, you ask?
- I didn't ask.
103
00:05:02,143 --> 00:05:03,410
No one asked.
104
00:05:03,412 --> 00:05:06,007
I used what little strength I had
105
00:05:06,009 --> 00:05:10,315
and wandered the
sewers of New York City,
106
00:05:10,317 --> 00:05:12,941
eventually connecting with Carol...
107
00:05:12,943 --> 00:05:14,787
... who's been great.
108
00:05:14,789 --> 00:05:18,857
And then I found Rapula by
sending him psychic messages.
109
00:05:18,859 --> 00:05:21,760
- Uh, you e-mailed me.
- And I e-mailed him as well.
110
00:05:21,762 --> 00:05:25,263
And now it is to my great shame
111
00:05:25,265 --> 00:05:28,366
that you find me here...
112
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- In the sewer.
- ... in Staten Island.
113
00:05:30,304 --> 00:05:33,305
But what matters is that you are here.
114
00:05:33,307 --> 00:05:35,513
- Yeah, listen, this has been fantastic.
- Oh, yeah.
115
00:05:35,515 --> 00:05:37,744
- It's been great seeing you.
- You should come at anytime.
116
00:05:37,746 --> 00:05:39,311
Nandor would love to see all of you.
117
00:05:39,313 --> 00:05:42,048
Disgusting. Why did
you invite the prick?
118
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:45,350
I felt sorry for the wretched
creature. His home is a sewer!
119
00:05:45,352 --> 00:05:47,553
He's not gonna come here.
He'll be too embarrassed.
120
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,487
He has some dignity, at least.
121
00:05:49,489 --> 00:05:52,899
Well, well, well. We beat you here.
122
00:05:52,901 --> 00:05:55,994
We have visitors, so
that's a nice surprise.
123
00:05:55,996 --> 00:05:57,282
We took the sewers, of course.
124
00:05:57,284 --> 00:05:58,964
It's a straight shot from our place.
125
00:05:58,966 --> 00:06:01,967
Now we are here in your lovely home.
126
00:06:01,969 --> 00:06:05,603
Carol. It is lovely.
127
00:06:05,605 --> 00:06:07,439
These are our hosts. Be nice.
128
00:06:07,441 --> 00:06:10,175
And to reiterate, do not eat.
129
00:06:10,177 --> 00:06:11,937
If possible.
130
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,044
How do you resist?
131
00:06:13,046 --> 00:06:15,046
Well, it used to be difficult to resist,
132
00:06:15,048 --> 00:06:17,182
but after a while, you start to wonder
133
00:06:17,184 --> 00:06:19,117
why hasn't anyone eaten him?
134
00:06:19,119 --> 00:06:21,987
He's like the last doughnut
in the display cabinet.
135
00:06:21,989 --> 00:06:23,721
Carol. Carol!
136
00:06:23,723 --> 00:06:25,323
Do not eat. Something wrong.
137
00:06:25,325 --> 00:06:27,392
Up, up, up, up, up, up, up.
138
00:06:27,394 --> 00:06:29,241
You want to show Carol your room?
139
00:06:29,243 --> 00:06:31,086
No. I don't think she'd like that.
140
00:06:31,088 --> 00:06:33,598
Would you like to see Guillermo's room?
141
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,678
She's going to eat him
if she goes to the room.
142
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,279
Okay, probably better not.
143
00:06:42,325 --> 00:06:44,326
We keep spare coffins down here.
144
00:06:44,328 --> 00:06:46,021
There might be something,
if you're lucky.
145
00:06:46,023 --> 00:06:47,090
Come this way.
146
00:06:47,092 --> 00:06:49,067
Oh, that would be so kind.
147
00:06:49,069 --> 00:06:50,992
- Ah.
- Oh.
148
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,194
Hello, Elvis.
149
00:06:52,196 --> 00:06:54,396
♪ Mm... ♪
150
00:06:54,398 --> 00:06:56,376
- Hey.
- I made him into a vampire
151
00:06:56,378 --> 00:06:57,834
back in the 1970s.
152
00:06:57,836 --> 00:06:59,370
He sometimes uses this room,
153
00:06:59,372 --> 00:07:01,306
which you can see, he's
doing some recording.
154
00:07:01,308 --> 00:07:03,810
- So it's probably best if we...
- Hello, The King.
155
00:07:03,812 --> 00:07:05,874
Yeah, yes. Back up the stairs.
156
00:07:05,876 --> 00:07:07,810
- Sorry, Elvis.
- It's all right.
157
00:07:07,812 --> 00:07:10,314
♪ Drinking that big ol' blood, baby. ♪
158
00:07:10,316 --> 00:07:11,883
Really, we'll sleep anywhere.
159
00:07:11,885 --> 00:07:14,505
In the rafters. I could
construct a makeshift coffin
160
00:07:14,507 --> 00:07:16,184
out of discarded planks.
161
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:19,088
Uh, honestly, you are
just such a true friend.
162
00:07:20,126 --> 00:07:23,791
It is very sad to see
Simon so decrepit and weak.
163
00:07:23,793 --> 00:07:24,893
No, it's not.
164
00:07:24,895 --> 00:07:26,363
It's about time he ate shit.
165
00:07:26,365 --> 00:07:27,631
It's partially our fault.
166
00:07:27,633 --> 00:07:30,200
Because of your bloody
cursed, stupid hat.
167
00:07:30,202 --> 00:07:31,302
It's ruined him.
168
00:07:31,304 --> 00:07:33,522
That thing makes men go crazy.
169
00:07:33,524 --> 00:07:35,112
Well, we needn't worry
about that anymore.
170
00:07:35,114 --> 00:07:36,248
We don't know where the hat is.
171
00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:37,834
- Right?
- Well, exactly. Exactly.
172
00:07:37,836 --> 00:07:39,897
The hat is gone, so we
don't need to worry about it.
173
00:07:39,899 --> 00:07:41,617
- Thank goodness.
- Yep.
174
00:07:41,619 --> 00:07:44,787
There's some kind of human nerd
175
00:07:44,789 --> 00:07:47,356
who is telling people to ignore me.
176
00:07:47,358 --> 00:07:50,626
I mean, he's getting my accounts
suspended left and right.
177
00:07:50,628 --> 00:07:52,662
This will not stand.
178
00:07:52,664 --> 00:07:55,465
I mean, he's stealing my food now.
179
00:07:56,906 --> 00:08:00,402
He just told people that I
live in my mother's basement.
180
00:08:00,404 --> 00:08:06,576
"Actually, I live in my
own basement, dumbass".
181
00:08:06,578 --> 00:08:09,011
Fire.
182
00:08:10,247 --> 00:08:12,982
Oh, no. H-He's getting to me.
183
00:08:12,984 --> 00:08:16,819
Simon the Devious, he thinks
I don't know what he's up to,
184
00:08:16,821 --> 00:08:18,487
but I do.
185
00:08:18,489 --> 00:08:20,122
There he goes.
186
00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:21,356
Follow me. Quick, quick, quick, quick.
187
00:08:21,358 --> 00:08:23,476
Look. Running away.
188
00:08:23,478 --> 00:08:26,596
Ah... He's only here to steal my hat.
189
00:08:26,598 --> 00:08:27,863
I got you.
190
00:08:27,865 --> 00:08:30,399
He's gone into the cellar.
191
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:33,702
We need to catch him in the act.
192
00:08:33,704 --> 00:08:35,036
There you are!
193
00:08:35,038 --> 00:08:37,238
- The game's up, old chum.
- Oh...
194
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,341
Nothing's changed since New York City.
195
00:08:39,343 --> 00:08:42,010
- I don't know what you're talking about...
- Really, you smug bastard?
196
00:08:42,012 --> 00:08:43,212
What's behind your back?
197
00:08:43,214 --> 00:08:44,811
Just the rope, I think.
198
00:08:44,813 --> 00:08:47,048
Show me.
199
00:08:47,050 --> 00:08:48,449
Yeah.
200
00:08:48,451 --> 00:08:50,001
- Get in the hall.
- Laszlo, I...
201
00:08:50,003 --> 00:08:51,720
- What's going on?
- Everyone come down.
202
00:08:51,722 --> 00:08:53,187
Th-There's been a misunderstanding.
203
00:08:53,189 --> 00:08:55,323
- What is it? What is it?
- This.
204
00:08:55,325 --> 00:08:58,224
- This thief.
- Thief? Chop his hands off.
205
00:08:58,226 --> 00:08:59,399
Don't embarrass him.
206
00:08:59,401 --> 00:09:02,206
Laszlo, my love. He's not gonna get me.
207
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,499
I'm yours, baby. Chill out.
208
00:09:04,501 --> 00:09:07,136
- I'm yours forever.
- Uncover that now.
209
00:09:07,138 --> 00:09:09,303
I-I'd really prefer not to, if possible.
210
00:09:09,305 --> 00:09:10,605
Yeah, I bet you wouldn't.
211
00:09:10,607 --> 00:09:11,705
Well, look at that.
212
00:09:11,707 --> 00:09:13,841
Oh.
213
00:09:13,843 --> 00:09:15,680
Lovely. Very...
214
00:09:15,682 --> 00:09:16,944
Very cool.
215
00:09:16,946 --> 00:09:18,578
- Gorgeous.
- What the fuck is it?
216
00:09:18,580 --> 00:09:19,680
Yes, what is it?
217
00:09:19,682 --> 00:09:20,914
It's a bat.
218
00:09:20,916 --> 00:09:23,284
I made it myself from sewer trash.
219
00:09:23,286 --> 00:09:25,187
It's just a small gift to say thank you
220
00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:28,755
for allowing me and my
reduced crew to stay with you.
221
00:09:28,757 --> 00:09:31,695
I just wanted to say thank
you for not abandoning me
222
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,528
- when everyone else had.
- Oh.
223
00:09:33,530 --> 00:09:35,358
Simon, you don't need to say any more.
224
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,798
That is so pathetic and truly lovely.
225
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:38,999
Thank you.
226
00:09:40,135 --> 00:09:41,436
Well, I'm sorry.
227
00:09:41,438 --> 00:09:42,537
What was that?
228
00:09:42,539 --> 00:09:43,871
I said I'm sorry.
229
00:09:43,873 --> 00:09:45,073
Couldn't quite hear that.
230
00:09:45,075 --> 00:09:46,435
No, I couldn't hear it, either.
231
00:09:46,437 --> 00:09:48,373
I said I'm sorry.
232
00:09:48,375 --> 00:09:51,043
Well, the good news is
you get to keep your hands.
233
00:09:54,616 --> 00:09:56,550
Everyone's asleep, so...
234
00:09:56,552 --> 00:09:59,392
you know, I get a little
bit of peace and quiet...
235
00:09:59,394 --> 00:10:01,354
Chinga!
236
00:10:03,759 --> 00:10:06,593
She startled me.
237
00:10:06,595 --> 00:10:09,129
Mierda!
238
00:10:09,131 --> 00:10:10,566
Hey, Carol.
239
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:13,368
I know what you are.
240
00:10:15,137 --> 00:10:17,671
Hopefully not lunch.
241
00:10:19,274 --> 00:10:20,574
Master?
242
00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:22,748
You are a slayer.
243
00:10:22,750 --> 00:10:24,250
What? Why did you say that?
244
00:10:24,252 --> 00:10:25,445
I... No.
245
00:10:25,447 --> 00:10:28,715
I smell the death on you.
246
00:10:28,717 --> 00:10:31,951
Oh, that, that's just
my body spray. It's Axe.
247
00:10:31,953 --> 00:10:33,688
Killer of vampires.
248
00:10:33,690 --> 00:10:35,288
Carol, stop saying that, okay?
249
00:10:35,290 --> 00:10:36,923
I'm gonna be a vampire just like you.
250
00:10:41,062 --> 00:10:42,962
Sounded like
251
00:10:42,964 --> 00:10:45,532
Guillermo just took a
tumble down the steps.
252
00:10:45,534 --> 00:10:48,535
Maybe I should, uh...
253
00:10:48,537 --> 00:10:51,037
F... Asshole.
254
00:10:51,039 --> 00:10:54,006
"If my dick is a pencil,
255
00:10:54,008 --> 00:10:57,809
then why am I using
a keyboard to write?"
256
00:10:57,811 --> 00:10:59,077
Fire.
257
00:11:02,750 --> 00:11:05,384
Oh, wow. You're really strong.
258
00:11:05,386 --> 00:11:07,185
I'm really impressed.
259
00:11:10,591 --> 00:11:11,823
Slayer.
260
00:11:11,825 --> 00:11:14,025
Don't call me that.
261
00:11:21,369 --> 00:11:23,068
Slayer.
262
00:11:25,773 --> 00:11:27,239
Slayer...
263
00:11:36,884 --> 00:11:38,250
I don't feel good about that.
264
00:11:38,252 --> 00:11:40,585
Something bad's gonna happen, isn't it?
265
00:11:41,789 --> 00:11:43,321
It's just me, Guillermo.
266
00:11:43,323 --> 00:11:44,424
Hello, sir.
267
00:11:44,426 --> 00:11:46,457
I heard a horrible feminine shrieking.
268
00:11:46,459 --> 00:11:49,327
- Were you having a nightmare?
- You could say that.
269
00:11:49,329 --> 00:11:52,565
Uh... Guillermo, why is there
all this dust on the floor
270
00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:54,699
in the shape of a body?
271
00:11:54,701 --> 00:11:57,568
Were you trying to make
a girlfriend out of dust?
272
00:11:57,570 --> 00:12:00,571
- No, the vacuum broke and...
- It is a very messy but cool idea.
273
00:12:00,573 --> 00:12:02,573
Reminds me of Carol.
274
00:12:02,575 --> 00:12:07,311
You know, how she's kind of
like that shape and that smell...
275
00:12:07,313 --> 00:12:09,780
Guillermo?
276
00:12:09,782 --> 00:12:11,982
Did you kill Carol?
277
00:12:11,984 --> 00:12:14,985
It was an accident. I'm sorry, sir.
278
00:12:14,987 --> 00:12:18,422
Oh, no. You killed a vampire.
279
00:12:18,424 --> 00:12:21,792
That's very frowned upon
amongst the vampire community.
280
00:12:21,794 --> 00:12:23,294
- Is it?
- Yes.
281
00:12:23,296 --> 00:12:24,911
Simon's not going to like the fact
282
00:12:24,913 --> 00:12:26,224
that you've killed one of his crew.
283
00:12:26,226 --> 00:12:28,665
- He's only got a little crew.
- I know. I know.
284
00:12:28,667 --> 00:12:31,035
You must not say anything about
this to anyone, understand?
285
00:12:31,037 --> 00:12:33,403
- I won't.
- Because it reflects badly on me,
286
00:12:33,405 --> 00:12:35,906
- and you will be killed.
- Okay, then I definitely won't.
287
00:12:35,908 --> 00:12:39,409
All right... vampire killer.
288
00:12:40,779 --> 00:12:42,245
Only joking. Clean it up.
289
00:12:42,247 --> 00:12:43,714
You got it, sir.
290
00:13:09,162 --> 00:13:11,362
I searched his name, I didn't get much.
291
00:13:13,132 --> 00:13:16,561
But I found his eBay profile.
He used his actual e-mail.
292
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,663
Hacked that and I found some photos.
293
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:20,966
One of which had a
Pennsylvania watermark.
294
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:22,968
So I traced that back
to another account.
295
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,736
Found his actual location,
296
00:13:24,738 --> 00:13:28,473
an Internet café in
Medford, Massachusetts.
297
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:29,841
Rookie mistake.
298
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,910
Also, he did DM me,
299
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,413
saying he wanted to kick my
ass and gave me his address.
300
00:13:34,415 --> 00:13:37,349
So another rookie mistake.
301
00:13:37,351 --> 00:13:39,051
Waiting on my driver now.
302
00:13:39,053 --> 00:13:40,352
- Hello.
- Hey.
303
00:13:40,354 --> 00:13:41,888
Mind if I sit up front?
304
00:13:41,890 --> 00:13:43,788
And that's why you have to
be careful on the Internet.
305
00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:46,724
There's creeps out there
that'll find out where you live.
306
00:13:46,726 --> 00:13:49,260
I mean, you really need
to encrypt everything.
307
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:51,262
Okay, I'm gonna speed up.
308
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,864
House meeting.
309
00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,732
- To the foyer. House meeting.
- House meeting?
310
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,612
The fuck does he think he is?
311
00:13:56,614 --> 00:13:58,536
- No, it's night.
- It's not his house.
312
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:01,639
Ah, yes, thank you all for
coming to the house meeting.
313
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:05,699
I wanted to say thank you, for
staying here has replenished
314
00:14:05,701 --> 00:14:08,412
my heart and my soul and my body.
315
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:12,029
And I am forever grateful to
all of you for your hospitality.
316
00:14:12,031 --> 00:14:16,608
But onto some more difficult news.
317
00:14:16,610 --> 00:14:19,256
Carol has gone missing.
318
00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:22,465
She seems to have slipped
away in the dead of night,
319
00:14:22,467 --> 00:14:24,061
abandoning me...
320
00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:26,263
- Oh, no.
- ... like so many others have.
321
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:27,963
Guillermo?
322
00:14:27,965 --> 00:14:30,734
- Hmm?
- You seem relieved.
323
00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:31,935
Hmm?
324
00:14:31,937 --> 00:14:35,672
I think I know why you are relieved.
325
00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:37,975
Why?
326
00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:40,978
Because Carol...
327
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:43,480
wanted to eat you.
328
00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:46,282
That's so flattering.
329
00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:48,687
She really did not like you.
330
00:14:48,689 --> 00:14:50,456
I don't know why.
331
00:14:50,458 --> 00:14:53,590
Probably because he's such a downer.
332
00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:54,892
- Indeed.
- Yeah, that's true.
333
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,227
Yes, I noticed that.
334
00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:59,930
I just have one...
335
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:01,765
one final question.
336
00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:02,799
Yes?
337
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:05,869
Where is the hat?
338
00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:07,271
I bloody knew it.
339
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:08,541
I want that hat!
340
00:15:08,543 --> 00:15:09,943
Which hat?
341
00:15:09,945 --> 00:15:13,308
- This hat?
- Yes. Give me the hat!
342
00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:15,754
- No chance, Simon.
- You gave it to me as a gift.
343
00:15:15,756 --> 00:15:19,907
You took it by force
from me in New York City.
344
00:15:19,909 --> 00:15:23,986
Yes, and it looked better
on me in New York City.
345
00:15:23,988 --> 00:15:25,821
And it will be mine!
346
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:31,360
I could've sworn that
I left that door open.
347
00:15:31,362 --> 00:15:33,896
Devious!
348
00:15:33,898 --> 00:15:36,766
Meet thy maker!
349
00:15:36,768 --> 00:15:38,100
Ha!
350
00:15:38,102 --> 00:15:41,437
I caught your arrow with ease.
351
00:15:41,439 --> 00:15:43,839
Ooh!
352
00:15:43,841 --> 00:15:45,812
I caught it inside my hand.
353
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:48,945
- Do you need a bandage?
- No, it's the fucking hat.
354
00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:51,313
I'll be taking this!
355
00:15:51,315 --> 00:15:52,847
I want that hat! I want to feel
356
00:15:52,849 --> 00:15:55,484
the sweet embrace of a
witch's sphincter against my...
357
00:15:55,486 --> 00:15:57,549
- Idiot.
- Where are you, Simon?
358
00:15:57,551 --> 00:15:59,118
This isn't about the hat.
359
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,590
It's about...
360
00:16:01,592 --> 00:16:03,192
Ooh! Ow.
361
00:16:04,328 --> 00:16:07,062
You kept the hat! You bloody plonker!
362
00:16:07,064 --> 00:16:08,664
- Fuck me.
- And now look at you,
363
00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:11,133
bouncing off the cars
like a bouncing idiot.
364
00:16:11,135 --> 00:16:13,868
- Fucking hell!
- Is he gonna be all right?
365
00:16:15,172 --> 00:16:16,305
- Shit.
- There.
366
00:16:16,307 --> 00:16:18,691
Bat!
367
00:16:18,693 --> 00:16:20,909
Once again, into the shit pipe.
368
00:16:20,911 --> 00:16:24,212
I saw that he logged into the
café computer after hours.
369
00:16:24,214 --> 00:16:26,114
I think he lives here.
370
00:16:26,116 --> 00:16:27,948
What am I doing?
371
00:16:27,950 --> 00:16:30,784
I mean, I-I'm stalking some poor schmuck
372
00:16:30,786 --> 00:16:32,886
whose only outlet is his computer?
373
00:16:32,888 --> 00:16:34,188
Nah, this is stupid.
374
00:16:34,190 --> 00:16:35,756
It's gone too far.
375
00:16:38,361 --> 00:16:41,061
Uh, he-he messaged me.
376
00:16:41,063 --> 00:16:43,931
"Colin Robinson, I know you are here.
377
00:16:43,933 --> 00:16:48,569
Meet me in the alleyway, you loser".
378
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,039
I'm gonna teach this little beef jerky
379
00:16:52,041 --> 00:16:53,474
a thing or two about boredom.
380
00:16:53,476 --> 00:16:55,376
Stupid little jerk-chicken human.
381
00:16:55,378 --> 00:16:56,577
This troll.
382
00:16:58,813 --> 00:17:00,013
Oh.
383
00:17:05,854 --> 00:17:09,289
You don't look like your online photo.
384
00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:17,564
Shh. I'm echolocating. Shh!
385
00:17:22,137 --> 00:17:24,904
Laszlo, stop it!
386
00:17:24,906 --> 00:17:26,873
- Go, go.
- Laszlo?
387
00:17:26,875 --> 00:17:29,809
You've been annoying me, Colin Robinson.
388
00:17:29,811 --> 00:17:31,811
Yeah, well, you've been troll...
389
00:17:31,813 --> 00:17:34,346
- trolling me.
- Excuse me, I'm a troll.
390
00:17:34,348 --> 00:17:36,015
I do not like the term "trolling".
391
00:17:36,017 --> 00:17:38,685
Well, it's not really
up for you to decide.
392
00:17:38,687 --> 00:17:40,720
- I mean, that's current slang.
- Well, I think it is
393
00:17:40,722 --> 00:17:41,954
because I am a troll.
394
00:17:41,956 --> 00:17:43,489
It's an offensive term.
395
00:17:43,491 --> 00:17:45,025
Well, that's what it means, so...
396
00:17:45,027 --> 00:17:47,359
- That's not what it means.
- It does mean that.
397
00:17:47,361 --> 00:17:50,529
If you need me to look it up in
Webster's and show you, I will.
398
00:17:50,531 --> 00:17:53,333
- You're basically just a big...
- Don't say it.
399
00:17:53,335 --> 00:17:56,561
My being a troll is not
related to my online trolling.
400
00:17:56,563 --> 00:17:59,806
I-I'm sorry that people
use the term "trolling".
401
00:17:59,808 --> 00:18:01,833
- Don't use the word.
- But when you're a troll
402
00:18:01,835 --> 00:18:03,743
- and you troll, then you're trolling.
- If you say it, I'll hit you.
403
00:18:03,745 --> 00:18:06,411
It's a bat battle.
404
00:18:06,413 --> 00:18:08,947
It's a hat battle.
405
00:18:08,949 --> 00:18:10,949
♪ Hey, yo, battly, battly,
flappity flap bat... ♪
406
00:18:10,951 --> 00:18:13,719
R-Rapula, no, no. "Flappity flap"?
407
00:18:13,721 --> 00:18:16,521
Human form!
408
00:18:18,826 --> 00:18:20,425
Bat!
409
00:18:22,329 --> 00:18:24,262
This doesn't hurt. Not bothered by it.
410
00:18:25,265 --> 00:18:27,432
- Yeah! Simon the bat!
- Bat!
411
00:18:27,434 --> 00:18:29,067
Go, Laszlo!
412
00:18:29,069 --> 00:18:31,189
- Which one's Laszlo?
- I don't know. Go, Laszlo!
413
00:18:36,688 --> 00:18:39,504
- Human form.
- Ooh, boy.
414
00:18:39,506 --> 00:18:42,900
- My arms are tired.
- You can't win, Devious.
415
00:18:42,902 --> 00:18:44,968
It is you who is outnumbered this time.
416
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:47,137
Oh, am I?
417
00:18:47,139 --> 00:18:48,612
Oh, shit.
418
00:18:48,614 --> 00:18:50,725
You remember my crew, don't you?
419
00:18:50,727 --> 00:18:52,408
There's Gunthrapal,
420
00:18:52,410 --> 00:18:54,612
Klaglad the Exsanguinator
421
00:18:54,614 --> 00:18:56,481
and of course, Wesley Sykes.
422
00:18:56,483 --> 00:18:58,517
You lying piece of asshole!
423
00:18:58,519 --> 00:19:02,252
Impusa, the Freak sisters,
424
00:19:02,254 --> 00:19:05,989
Ken... the zombie of
my former accountant.
425
00:19:05,991 --> 00:19:10,561
Some of our newer members,
Neil, Patrick and Harris.
426
00:19:10,563 --> 00:19:12,029
You son of a bastard!
427
00:19:12,031 --> 00:19:13,698
He's planned the whole
thing, look at him.
428
00:19:13,700 --> 00:19:15,632
And Elvis.
429
00:19:15,634 --> 00:19:17,267
What?
430
00:19:17,269 --> 00:19:19,512
- Hey.
- Elvis, you traitor.
431
00:19:19,514 --> 00:19:21,303
You only just met him last night.
432
00:19:21,305 --> 00:19:23,172
King, how could you do this?
433
00:19:23,174 --> 00:19:25,274
It was me who made you a vampire.
434
00:19:25,276 --> 00:19:26,442
It is what it is.
435
00:19:26,444 --> 00:19:28,545
Ain't that the truth, Elvis?
436
00:19:28,547 --> 00:19:29,948
And Carol.
437
00:19:29,950 --> 00:19:31,784
Has anyone seen Carol?
438
00:19:31,786 --> 00:19:34,706
Shh. Guillermo, don't mention
that you vampire-slayed.
439
00:19:34,708 --> 00:19:37,201
- It's a bad look for me.
- Sorry, I-I'm hearing you whispering.
440
00:19:37,203 --> 00:19:39,689
- Are you speaking of Carol?
- Uh, no, no.
441
00:19:39,691 --> 00:19:41,629
Do you know where Carol is?
442
00:19:41,631 --> 00:19:43,986
Probably somewhere alive.
443
00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,402
Okay.
444
00:19:46,404 --> 00:19:50,275
And so that's why you find,
on the Manhattan Bridge,
445
00:19:50,277 --> 00:19:52,001
a little more flexibility,
446
00:19:52,003 --> 00:19:54,770
as opposed to, say, the
George Washington Bridge,
447
00:19:54,772 --> 00:19:57,606
whose steel towers are far more rigid.
448
00:19:57,608 --> 00:19:58,673
Right.
449
00:19:58,675 --> 00:20:00,887
Guess I thought you would
be interested in that,
450
00:20:00,889 --> 00:20:04,213
being a troll, that little
bit of bridge history.
451
00:20:04,215 --> 00:20:07,015
Bridge-story, if you will.
452
00:20:07,017 --> 00:20:09,184
Come on, Simon, you don't even know
453
00:20:09,186 --> 00:20:12,254
why you want that stupid, stupid hat!
454
00:20:12,256 --> 00:20:13,878
I want what Laszlo has.
455
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,024
What you and Nadja have.
456
00:20:16,026 --> 00:20:18,093
You have each other and that is...
457
00:20:18,095 --> 00:20:20,395
- Is true love.
- ... enough, it's enough.
458
00:20:20,397 --> 00:20:22,931
You're willing to settle,
and I envy that.
459
00:20:22,933 --> 00:20:24,699
♪ Visibly shaken, heart is achin'... ♪
460
00:20:24,701 --> 00:20:26,502
Rapula, you know I love the raps,
461
00:20:26,504 --> 00:20:28,903
but not right now... I
find it distracting, okay?
462
00:20:28,905 --> 00:20:31,723
So just... Nothing satisfies me.
463
00:20:31,725 --> 00:20:35,568
My crew, i-it does not
fulfill me as it once did.
464
00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:39,046
Uh, I don't know who some
of these people even are.
465
00:20:39,048 --> 00:20:41,549
This guy, I don't know him.
466
00:20:41,551 --> 00:20:45,081
Look at my ex-accountant,
Ken, the zombie.
467
00:20:45,083 --> 00:20:46,089
Ah...
468
00:20:46,091 --> 00:20:48,388
Ah, indeed, Ken.
469
00:20:48,390 --> 00:20:51,792
You don't need this very ugly headwear.
470
00:20:51,794 --> 00:20:53,561
It's too big for your face.
471
00:20:53,563 --> 00:20:56,025
It also has a giant curse on it!
472
00:20:56,027 --> 00:21:00,255
Well, now I want it a little
bit less, but I-I still want it,
473
00:21:00,257 --> 00:21:02,403
so I will... oh.
474
00:21:02,405 --> 00:21:04,937
Seems as though my foot
is caught in the grating.
475
00:21:04,939 --> 00:21:07,285
No, it seems as though my foot has fused
476
00:21:07,287 --> 00:21:10,109
with the metal when I
transformed from a bat.
477
00:21:10,111 --> 00:21:11,378
Ooh, boy.
478
00:21:11,380 --> 00:21:12,679
- Ooh, it's quite...
- You know what?
479
00:21:12,681 --> 00:21:14,214
- That looks quite...
- This is disgusting.
480
00:21:14,216 --> 00:21:15,415
... quite grisly and intense.
481
00:21:15,417 --> 00:21:16,583
You keep the hat.
482
00:21:16,585 --> 00:21:17,651
- Just keep it.
- It's quite painful.
483
00:21:17,653 --> 00:21:19,586
We're off.
484
00:21:19,588 --> 00:21:21,488
Ooh, I seem to be sinking.
485
00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:23,250
Count Rapula, please help me.
486
00:21:23,252 --> 00:21:24,878
I'm sorry me and the
crew ain't enough for you.
487
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,533
Oh, I've hurt Rapula and the whole crew.
488
00:21:27,535 --> 00:21:29,939
What's all this talk about
you not being fulfilled by us?
489
00:21:29,941 --> 00:21:32,076
I-I didn't mean that, Elvis, please.
490
00:21:32,078 --> 00:21:34,279
- Oh... bye. I'm finished.
- Please, Elvis.
491
00:21:34,281 --> 00:21:36,803
What... Neil? Patrick? Harris?
492
00:21:36,805 --> 00:21:39,305
No, you can't even make
eye contact with me.
493
00:21:39,307 --> 00:21:42,808
You wait here. If that
hat reappears, grab it.
494
00:21:42,810 --> 00:21:44,476
Carol? What about Carol?
495
00:21:44,478 --> 00:21:46,945
Guillermo didn't kill her!
496
00:21:46,947 --> 00:21:50,583
Why would you phrase it like that?
497
00:21:50,585 --> 00:21:52,751
Did you see how I threw
the suspicion from you?
498
00:21:52,753 --> 00:21:54,687
- No, you threw the suspicion on me, Master.
- Help.
499
00:21:54,689 --> 00:21:55,992
- Help me, please.
- Damn it.
500
00:21:55,994 --> 00:21:57,623
Is he gonna drown down there?
501
00:21:57,625 --> 00:22:00,792
Why are you so interested in
how vampires are killed now?
502
00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:05,431
I'm not.
503
00:22:05,433 --> 00:22:07,566
I'm just, I just asked a question.
504
00:22:15,308 --> 00:22:18,843
And so, I just would like to apologize
505
00:22:18,845 --> 00:22:23,080
for any hurtful things
that I may have said to you.
506
00:22:23,082 --> 00:22:26,684
And, uh, oh, look, the sun's coming up.
507
00:22:26,686 --> 00:22:30,920
Don't you knuckleheads
turn to stone when the...
508
00:22:30,922 --> 00:22:32,856
Yep, there it is.
509
00:22:32,858 --> 00:22:36,059
Guess I kept you talking too long.
510
00:22:36,061 --> 00:22:38,795
The sun came up.
511
00:22:38,797 --> 00:22:40,430
This guy turned to stone.
512
00:22:40,432 --> 00:22:43,667
Sorry, Fred Mercury,
but I am the champion.
513
00:22:47,139 --> 00:22:50,106
Shit.
514
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,080
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