All language subtitles for The.Split.S02E03.HDTV.x264-KETTLE[ettv].en

I believe it will be classed as
controlling and coercive behaviour.

Carrie has given a tabloid interview.

I want a divorce.

Not pregnant. Not pregnant any more...

Do you mind coming with me? I
just need to see in your bag.

It's not that I haven't
had the same thoughts.

- I have kids.
- People that you love.

Busted!

Why did you ask me not to leave?

Because I needed to know
if I had made a mistake.

Nina...

I'm there.

Hannah! Are you awake? I've made toast.

_

_

Oh, God.

- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -

How many weeks pregnant are you?

You know maths was
never my strong point.

Eight? Nine?

Though there was this
very sloppy drinks thingy

which culminated in a night
with Andy some time past that.

Andy? What, depressed Andy?

- Yoga Andy.
- Oh.

- Before Mark, after Rex.
- Wow.

And this is what I missed.

- That doesn't mean...
- No.

- Nina...
- I'd be a crap mum.

I don't even like kids much.

You're a 35-year-old lawyer.

Maybe this is the right time.

No.

I've got an appointment for
an abortion this afternoon.

- Does Rose... ?
- I can't.

It's hard, keeping a secret like that.

I... I'm not saying you have to,

- but it will weigh on you.
- Not yet.

Get showered.

Nathan's coming in for the Hansen
case. You got a shirt I can borrow?

Blue one, rail.

This isn't even your size.

- It's just stuff.
- Stuff?!

You were arrested last night.

Do you know what moves I had to throw

to get you off without even a caution?

- The lies I had to tell?!
- I said thank you.

This isn't a packet of
Refreshers on the way to school.

This... This is pathological.
You'd be struck off for this.

My God! Calm down.

This place is a tip, Nina. You're right,

you can't look after yourself.

We all have shit, Nina.

We all have shit!

- Please can we stop?
- Aren't you... ?

Aren't you close?

This is the fifth time in
12 hours. I've nothing left,

and the doctor said we needed to wait.

But you had your porn face on.

I've got a porn face?!
I've not got a porn face.

According to the app,
we could be ovulating

- this very second.
- Rose! A very nice Polish man...

- Oh, oh!
- Get out!

I'll tell him you're
getting dressed, or...

- Get out!
- cleaning your teeth!

Please! Aah!

Fi! Any comment on Carrie?
You on the sofa, mate?

Careful, yeah?

You keep looking at that sidebar of
shame, it'll rot your brain, mate.

Hey. You blur my kids' faces out,
or my lawyers will rip you apart.

_

Hey! Put it away.

Screen-free zone.

I want you in a hotel tonight.

Not happening.

Smile, babe. United front.

OK, first up, live radio.
They're going to ask about Carrie,

we'll kill it with love. Good
news, you've got Jo, she's geared up

and onside. We're going to drown
it with loads of positive coverage.

Haters going to hate, but we're
going to keep showing them the love.

- Ali, we need to raise the game here.
- I know. I'm on it.

So you've got back-to-back calls,
right? Couple of internationals.

- All very, very smart, very pro the show.
- You're a star.

Yeah. Uh, bit of heat from the network.

I've reassured, they're absolutely fine,

- we've just got to hold the party line on this.
- Yeah, I'll put in a call.

Fire back with the obvious
stuff, you know it's permanency,

commitment, quality brand.

You know, show them you
can roll with the punches.

It's just going to fade itself out,

as long as there's
nothing more to stoke it.

- Nah, we're golden.
- I can't do this.

Fi, they win

- if you let this crap spook you.
- Richie, you're not listening to me.

- Babe.
- Babe...

I've engaged a solicitor.

You've engaged a solicitor?

- Yes.
- No, no, no. You've had a couple of drinks

with a yummy mummy and
she's got in your ear, yeah?

So why don't you get some air.

Take one of your... rescue remedies.

Your next interview's in 20 minutes.

I'll do this week. I'll do
the show. But then we're done.

OK...

I'll say when we're done.

- So, shall I flag that?
- No, no, no. We're all good.

Listen, er...

find out everything you
can about a Hannah Stern.

Family lawyer.

NHD.

Yeah.

_

_

Morning!

Keen?

Ah, I come bearing gifts. Double-shot
latte and an almond croissant.

Thanks. Let him carry his own bundles.

It's fine.

Is Nina OK?

Ask me another.

Parents' evening tonight.
Vinnie's got the fear.

- You forgot.
- I did not forget.

You forgot!

Also, restaurant booked for tomorrow.

Anniversary! Yes, thank
you, this is a good feeling.

Relationship goals.

Lauren used to say I'd
forgotten every year.

- Not forgotten this year. "Thank you, Nathan."
- Thank you, Nathan.

Yeah, real smile, not fake smile.

- Can't we just do a takeaway?
- It's 20 years.

Wow.

Richie Hansen will have
got my letter this morning.

Petition will follow, but we're on.

And given this morning's press, it
won't be difficult to make a case

for divorce on the basis of
his unreasonable behaviour,

including his inappropriate
relationship with another woman.

But obviously, they're feeling the heat.

They're high-profile, it's volatile,

and all the signs are
he won't take this well.

She's keeping a record of his
coercive and controlling behaviour?

- We're naturally concerned for her wellbeing.
- Naturally.

She's obviously susceptible.

They've been together a long time.

Our client believes, er, Mr Hansen

will refuse to move
out of the family home.

He's yet to issue a
statement denying the affair.

Well, they want to preserve
their brand. Reassure the network.

Talking to our media team,

this is a story that's
only going to spiral.

There's been, er, rumours
about them, er, for a while.

Ah. The rumours.

Such a cliché,

women trapped in marriages
that they don't believe

they're worthy of getting out of.

Happy to compromise on
whatever crap behaviour

their spouse throws at them.

- Welcome to family law.
- Not just family law.

People put up with no end of
shit in every walk of life.

If Mr Hansen's, er,
refusing to move out...

Well, we can make an application
for a non-molestation order,

if you're worried about her safety.
Certainly, if she's frightened...

We can apply without notice.

Well, let's have it ready, and
I can discuss it with my client.

Do we know yet who he'll
get to represent him?

- It'll be one of the big five.
- Yeah, I'd pop for Melanie Aickman.

Melanie! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Dear Melanie. This is why
you brought me in so quickly.

Yeah, well, she poaches you every time.

Sorry, I've got another meeting.

OK. We can have the application ready

and in the district
judge's list by tomorrow.

Nathan.

I thought you were here.

I hear you're getting
married. Terrible idea.

And that's from an expert.

- Two weeks. I expect you there.
- Invite accepted.

Oh, er, bottom site,
languages and science

are both in the main hall.

And if I have to tell you again,

- we don't touch the wine.
- Ha.

- Parents' evening.
- Oh.

Dodged that ball.

You, er, didn't reply to my e-mail.

Tomorrow.

It was a choice between
a party and paintballing.

I decided she'd, er,

hate a party more, so...

Attendance is mandatory.

I mean, I don't give a shit, but

Hannah would kill me if you
weren't there. 20 years! China!

It's china. Not as in
the country, as in cup.

Er, the kids have taken
control. I'm trying not to look,

but I have a nasty suspicion
something's gone wrong.

Last night, there was a lot of

fist-punching gold cats
delivered by Amazon, so...

So the country, then.

Yeah. Opportunities for
racial stereotyping everywhere.

Don't tell Hannah.

Hopeless at keeping a
secret, no poker face.

Er, I'm collecting for
Hannah's anniversary present.

Ah. Er... yeah.

Seriously?!

What, every week?

OK, everyone, let's
do this with a smile.

Everybody downstairs.
Don't use the lifts.

Assembly point is directly opposite.

Ah, a vaper.

Yeah, well, the hard
stuff gets you arrested.

Chill, sister.

Someone taking an early lunch?

Can one man get more irritating?

_

_

_

We should be at the assembly point.

Christie.

What?

That's... That's it?

No. No. Shouldn't we at least talk?

Oh, you want to talk now?

Because you seemed
pretty clear last night.

Don't be like that. We
have to work together. We...

We have to find a way to push this on.

We have to do meetings
and interact, and if you

- behave the way you're behaving...
- Behaving?!

You're angry, and I get that, but...

- but this is our place of work...
- Oh, my God.

Did the last three
months just not happen?

It happened. I'm not
denying it happened.

But it's... It's 20 years. It's...

- Yeah.
- 20 years I've been with Nathan.

- Tomorrow.
- Yeah.

Add another five, and
it's 25 since we first met.

You want to celebrate that?

I... I'm sorry. I... I... I
don't know what I've been doing.

Christie.

I think you know exactly
what you've been doing.

I think you always do.

I think... I think you're ambitious.

I think you see something you
want, and you go for it, Hannah.

I think you saw me, and
you saw unfinished business.

Wow.

Is that the way you want to do this?

Is that what you're going to hurl now?

Why is it when a man calls
a woman ambitious, it's...

it's delivered like a negative?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm... I'm ambitious.

For my work. For the...

For the clients that I serve. But...

this? This? You think
this was about ambition?

Do you know how hard this is?

Have you ever loved two people?

I mean, really, like,
gut-wrenchingly loved two people.

Two people so it...

aches when you don't see them.

A... aches... when you think
of them with anyone else.

I love you.

I love you, Christie.

But Nathan won. Nathan wins.

My life wins. And I'm...

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

_

OK...

Moving day.

I'd better get going.

Ooh! Oops!

- God.
- What?

This bed is a health hazard.

The dump won't even take it.

- I think Nina was conceived on this.
- Ugh, too much information.

Makes good babies.

Sorry.

Clumsy, clumsy.

It's OK. You're born with
two million eggs at least.

- One of them's bound to...
- Hatch.

We're good. We're fine.

- And I'm late for Prof Ronnie.
- You still have a crush on him.

Purely professional.
And for your information,

last time I saw him,

- no Speedos, fully dressed.
- Ah, Mother, but what lies beneath?

Is that funny? Is she being funny?

I never get this girl's jokes.

Last of our post.

Anything interesting?

- Bills.
- Oh.

_

Will Parker.

And his new husband.

- Since when?
- Since yesterday.

- I thought he was still in rehab.
- Was. Is.

That's where they met. They're giddy.

Ahh, that's love for you.

I'm falling on the side of delusional.

- And I'm guessing his mother...
- Wants an annulment,

and taking no prisoners.

Would you like to burst
their bubble, or shall I?

The rules of rehab are perfectly clear.

You've known each other a week!

- Three months.
- They absconded.

They literally climbed over the wall.

- It's rehab, not Strangeways, Mother.
- Will you talk to him, Hannah, please?

- We love each other.
- OK.

Can we calm, please?

You are sectioned under the Mental
Health Act, for crying out loud!

That's grounds for
annulment right there.

Actually, the section expired
two weeks before the wedding.

And it wouldn't necessarily
make the marriage voidable.

The law doesn't prevent
someone from marrying

just because they're sectioned.

I have a letter from Will's
psychiatrist, affirming that

he lacked the mental capacity
to enter into the contract,

making his marriage null and void.

This letter has been
generated retrospectively.

It is inadmissible.

- Quite possibly criminal.
- Are there no lengths you won't go to?

Helen, you can't just
erase their relationship.

You're angry right now.

- Let's try to find a way forward.
- Well, then,

you tell his grandfather that
his only grandson and heir

is at risk of sharing,

with an intravenous drug user
he's known precisely 12 weeks,

a 7% stake in a business with
an annual turnover of 2 billion.

Can I have a ginger nut?

- If the papers get hold of this...
- Which they won't.

Because he owns every sleazy tabloid

that would even be remotely interested.

- Will...
- Haven't you ever been in love?

The simplest way to
protect Will's fortune

- would be a postnup.
- Which has all the legal integrity

- of an Amazon Wish List.
- Actually, no...

- Screw you, Mother.
- Really?

Stop. Please, stop.

I'll sign it.

I... I... I'll sign a postnup.

We'd advise you to get your own
representation before you do that.

Trust me, Helen, it really is
the best option. For everyone!

We'll draw it up, and
we'll start with that.

Rose moved out today.

And I seem to be left with a lot
of dust and a few lumpy mattresses.

And before you say downsize, don't.

Who wants to downsize?

I want bigger, bolder. More.

I want more.

That was always your fault line, Ruth.

Nothing was ever enough.

Rose was asking about you.

Ah?

Does she still have eyes like a Moomin?

Perhaps we should give them
something to really talk about.

Are you flirting with me, Prof Ronnie?

Always.

- Hi.
- Just one moment.

Well, is this going to take long?

I've been waiting half an
hour. Some of us have to work.

You know, you shouldn't
keep people waiting.

It's enough that people have
come here, and then you...

keep us waiting.

I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Great.

No...

No, I can't!

Fuck you!

No, I...

Do you want a tray for that?

Er... yeah. Thanks.

Are you feeding an army?

Yeah, something like that.

Your mother's going to meet us
there, so five-minute warning.

Coming.

You look nice.

- Richie...
- I'm not angry.

It's all calm.

We're just going to our
son's parents' evening, and...

this morning I received
a letter informing me

that my wife intends to divorce me.

Look...

I don't want anything from you.

Please make it easy for the kids.

Book into a hotel,
stay wherever you want.

I found you.

I... found... you.

I gave you a sound.

And you were still crap.

We're toxic.

- Living with you is toxic.
- I like that.

I like it when you're more forceful.

Why aren't you like
that more often, Fi? Hmm?

It's a turn-on.

You know, you're turning me on.

We're not divorced yet.

Me costaran los tiempos verbales

- mas de lo que deberian.
- Me cuestan los tiempos.

Sorry.

Tranquila. No nos conocemos
aun, soy Mateo Lopez.

Ooh, sorry, no. Useless with languages.

Por otro lado...

Soy los cojones del perro en espanol.

Though, my husband deludes
himself that he can speak Spanish.

I... I was just saying Liv's
great. Like, really great.

Because I know you found things
a little tough earlier this year.

A difficult time?

Yeah, er...

- things weren't great.
- Predicted grades!

I think we'd love to know
Liv's predicted grades.

Yeah.

El Capo was annoying.

- He was just...
- Being annoying.

- Did you know her grades were slipping?
- Not in Spanish.

Yeah, well, having a doe-eyed Latino

who looks 12 might be
something to do with it.

If it's improving her
languages, who cares?

Could one of my children please
just become a neurosurgeon?

Is that too much to ask?

Try and get on top of the homework.

I'm going to try and catch Fi Hansen.

Shit, don't leave me
alone. It's awkward enough.

Fine.

I'm starving. Do they never
have proper food at these things?

If you see any pretzels, do your bit.

Thank you.

I tried calling you this afternoon.

I wasn't sure if you'd be here. You OK?

I'm scared.

We've prepared a non-molestation order.

That's just a precaution.

But on your word, we present it
to the court and turn around in...

less than 24 hours.

And if you're really scared,

then you have my number on speed dial,

and I suggest you also call the police.

He won't move out. I've tried.

The network are getting edgy.
Everyone's running around

trying to dampen down the Carrie stuff.

That bloody show goes out
again in less than a week.

You know there are penalties
for bringing them into disrepute?

There's a whole list of
recommendations, apparently.

- Like what?
- Well, as ambassadors of the network,

it's our job to promote
the values of the company.

No-one can hold you to account
for wanting a divorce, Fi.

The kids have read everything.

You can do this.

You can do this.

- Hey!
- Oh.

Did Hannah tell you I got
those tickets? Next Saturday.

- You, me, the boys...
- Yeah, it's a great offer,

but sadly I'm going to have to decline.

You know, I always hoped
you weren't a prick.

Er, English Literature is
queuing round the block,

so Vinnie and Tilly
have moved on to German.

Ah, good move. Callum, why don't
you, er, go wait with Vinnie?

Where's your brother?

Hey... thanks for your letter.

Nothing like the personal touch.

This is not the place.

It's exactly the place.

We're both parents. Both
do anything for our kids.

I don't know what voodoo
you do around my wife,

but it's going to take a lot more
than a sheet of headed notepaper

- to intimidate...
- Intimidate? Oh, really?

- Hey!
- Look, this is finished.

Only just begun.

Hannah, er, Vinnie's waiting.

Don't ever touch my wife again,

or I will do more than
drag you through court.

I thought Tyler and I were
the only ones still here.

- Well...
- Drink?

Sure.

So is Tyler going to go
through my e-mails, too?

Only the work ones.

If you've nothing to hide...

you've nothing to fear.

Well, perhaps you should go through his.

Isn't that what you and
Ruth are doing for me?

All I'm saying is, how well

can you get to know
anyone in three months?

Well enough to know you want to
spend the rest of your life with them.

To be honest, I knew that
the first night I met him.

This is all... due diligence.

I should thank you.

If I hadn't been forced
to go to Chicago...

Glad it worked out for one of us.

So it WAS an affair of the heart.

Of the heart.

Oh, yeah.

I may even have lost my
head there for a while.

We're all guilty of that.

Night, Zander.

Hey.

What?

He seems nice.

Seńor Lopez.

You're so lame.

He's like... 30. That's gross.

Mm, that's ancient.

You should sleep.

I know you smoked it.

The zoot.

And I'm meant to be the child.

It was funny.

It's funny.

Not funny?

- It's bad. It's very... It's very, very bad.
- I heard you and Dad.

Giggling with him.

I'm sorry.

How can you forgive him?

How can you sit there
in the garden and do that

and just pretend what
he did doesn't matter?

It matters.

It just matters less than it did.

I don't know how.

But somehow it...

hurts less.

Give him a break, Liv. Hey?

Thank you.

For not being an arse.
That man is an arse.

Not a great benchmark,
but... I'll take it.

Your feet are freezing.

New moves.

I'll have to watch that.

Breakfast!

Be right down!

Proper coffee?

- Pain au chocolat ?
- Found them in the freezer.

Ah, yes. Best before, er, March 2018.

Jurassic.

They improve with age.

Happy anniversary, Mr Stern.

Mrs Stern.

- What does it say?
- Private things.

- Let me see.
- It's private.

It'll be disgusting.

That's mine!

I wasn't finished!

Hey, get off!

Give it to me!

It's Nina.

_

Where's the toolkit?

- We have a toolkit?
- Well, that says everything.

Meet you here for eight
and then we'll walk round.

- Uh-huh.
- I mean it! Eight!

Eight!

I thought the party was tonight.

A subtle misdirection.

Mm.

Why is there living room stuff
in the boxes marked kitchen?

Can't you find something better to do?

He's lost his Winterfell Castle.

Oh.

Don't come at me for
sex. I want a night off.

I'm serious.

Taking all the fun out of it,

- and it was the most fun thing we did together.
- Oh, come on!

Why have you got a box
full of DNA testing kits?

Say hello to Hannah.

- Hello, Hannah.
- Because.

- She's very evasive.
- You ready?

I have precisely one hour and
then the morning from hell.

Oh, James, do you have any pliers?

Ah, at last, someone
appreciates what I can do.

The gift that keeps on giving.

Nice wallpaper.

Yeah, I thought so. We're
keeping it. Très retro.

So...

weird theory, and stick
with me on this one.

I think Prof Ronnie's my dad.

- I only came for pliers.
- So,

I thought we'd just do a
DNA test and sort this...

- Delusion?
- Your word.

- or perfectly sane response out.
- Mm.

Did you know...

Dad divorced Mum on
the basis of adultery?

No, still bonkers.

Prof Ronnie, Mum, it's just weird.

Or the reason why they split up.

Dad left Mum 14 months
after I was born, because?

Their love child, obviously.

Your wife is bonkers.

- Finally.
- Thank you.

OK.

Let's do this.

Oh, God.

Get dressed.

Wowza.

Good shit.

You are going to remove all
of the tags from these clothes

and then you are going to
take them all to charity.

Really?

- All of them?
- Yes!

Why?

Fuck's sake.

Baby stuff?

Er, why would you... ?

Why would you take these?

Shit!

You're pregnant?

Bitch.

Why am I always the last to know?

Can I, er, look after it
while you're in prison?

Bring it in on visiting days?

- Rose...
- Yeah, I'm keeping it.

Of course you're keeping it!

Idiot. Ah, shit!

- Plaster?
- Er, bathroom.

Next to tampons.

I couldn't go through with it.

I was a year out of law
school and Ă‚ă5,000 in debt.

Nathan and I had just moved
into that, er, attic flat.

Clapton.

I was never going to get
a buggy up those stairs.

Afterwards, we went for
a curry in Brick Lane.

We've never been back there.

Why have we never been back there?

Hannah...

Nathan couldn't stop crying.

Said it was the vindaloo.

Oh, my God.

It was a choice, Nina.

Do you think I'm
making the right choice?

Yeah, it's...

the right choice.

Tyler has debts.

- Sizable debts.
- I know a business failed. How much?

Well, Christie and I are still
trying to get an exact figure,

but there will be a substantial

- number of zeros in it.
- Ruth?

Zander,

you're an attractive
proposition to any man.

But to someone in Tyler's situation,
you're a very attractive proposition.

What are you saying?

This may not be the time
to race into a marriage.

I'll be 44 next year.

For the larger part of the last 43,

I've been on my own.

I'm tired of being on my own.

So, a few zeros?

I can live with a few zeros.

- Zander...
- Just get it sorted.

So this is the draft paperwork.

Jordan gives up any
claim on your fortune

and that of your family,

and you to his.

In the event of a
failure of the marriage,

you'll both leave with only what
you brought into the partnership.

Helen.

- Er, we were just...
- Could I speak to my son for a moment, please?

- Er, yes...
- I've got nothing to say to you

- that they can't hear.
- We can just step outside...

So, we were just going over
the draft paperwork. Er...

obviously we still need
to get a copy to Jordan.

Jordan won't be signing his.

I informed your grandfather
of your marriage last night.

And Jordan's just accepted a very
large payment from the family trust.

In return, he has agreed to admit

that he was clearly under
the influence of narcotics

during your wedding.

Grounds for annulment.

You didn't.

Sweetheart...

Jordan? Can you call me, please?

He won't be returning your calls.

- How much?
- I'm sorry.

How much?

Wow.

That's a lot to give
a former drug addict.

It's not like it was going to last.
The whole thing was pure fantasy.

Will, are you in there?

I know what you want to do.

Look, I know you want to
go out and get blasted.

But, er, tomorrow, I promise you,

you'll wake up and the
self-hatred will be worse.

However bad it feels now...

I promise you, I've been there.

And none of it makes it better.

None of it stops the shit.

Only you can do that.

This is a terrible idea.

What is that thing?

This is what state of the
art looked like in 2009.

I wrote your mother a speech for
our ten-year anniversary party,

and I know it's on here somewhere.

You don't think Mum will notice
if you give the same speech?

- There.
- Ah, see, this is why we gave birth to you.

Technically, Mum did.

Interrailing, Glastonbury, South
America. It doesn't get tired.

You went to Glastonbury?

Before you monstrous children
came along and ruined everything,

your mother and I had
this thing called a life.

We went outdoors in the evening.

On occasion, we had actual fun.

Print. Yes! Thank you.

Thank you.

You need a shower.

Don't. Don't!

- Man smell. Man smell.
- No, get off!

Smell my man smell! Smell it! Smell it!

Hi. Can I help you?

Melanie Aickman. For Hannah Stern.

You have to see the coat she's
wearing. It is unbelievable.

Melanie.

- Melanie Aickman.
- Mm-hmm.

She gives good coat.

- I saw her talk once. She is truly inspirational.
- Ha.

- Did you speak to Zander?
- Not yet. I will.

But right now, it's heads down.

Tyler is prowling the
corridors, looking for prey.

OK.

But I will keep doing
what I can, Maggie.

So, obviously, we want to keep this as

straightforward as possible, but...

We're increasingly concerned
that Mr Hansen's not accepting

- his wife's desire to divorce.
- Let me stop you right there.

My client is more than
willing to co-operate.

He sees that his marriage
has reached an impasse

and that its continuation is untenable.

So looking at the,
er, press statement...

We've made some adjustments. Thank you.

Sadness? With hearts full of sadness?

Yeah, your version read, er...

a little cold.

"It's with hearts full of sadness

we have taken the decision
to reflect on our marriage."

"Reflect" that's too soft.

- "We've taken the decision to end our marriage."
- Ow.

- There's no movement on that.
- All right.

"Though it is a very difficult
decision, we are committed

- to working towards an... "
- Amicable separation.

"and would appreciate
at this painful time

that the press respect our
privacy as we take time to...

heal"?

Nice touch.

"We want to reassure our
fans that though for now... "

Cut "for now".

"we are going solo, we'll
always be With The Band."

That's so cheesy.

- Agreed.
- Killjoy.

Fine.

I appreciate that the last few days
have been particularly difficult

for both Mr and Mrs Hansen,
but you should be aware

that my client is, er,
concerned about her safety.

- We have prepared an application for a non
- molestation order

and will attend court with
it tomorrow, if needed.

For that reason, my client is
willing to relocate to a hotel.

Primarily, he is focused on the
welfare and happiness of his children

and keeping all this as
civilised as possible.

I'm sure Mrs Hansen and my client

don't want any further
details of their marriage

out on public display.

Details that could potentially
be embarrassing for both parties.

What details?

We both know that every
marriage has corners

that would rather not be
exposed to public glare.

I'm sure Mrs Hansen knows
what I'm talking about.

- You OK?
- Yeah.

- Just know his tactics.
- And we know his lawyers.

It's very typical of Melanie.

And they're just yanking your chain.

Promise he won't take the kids?

He can't do that.

You're a good mother, Fi. But...

if there's anything you
think we're missing...

A couple of dodgy parties
in the mid-noughties. But no.

I've been racking my brains. Honestly.

- We'll be in touch.
- Thanks.

Thanks again.

She's hiding something.

Most people are.

Does, er, Maggie seem a bit off to you?

- Off how?
- Just...

No, I'm being paranoid.

That's what secrets do to you.

Happy anniversary.

- Sorry!
- Sh...

Give me two minutes and we can go eat.

Sh!

Surprise!

You're Gorgeous by Babybird

China? Interesting.

Go with it. Happy anniversary.

I hate you.

Really hate you.

20 years. You've set the bar high.

Whoa!

- Mum...
- What?

- What are you wearing?
- I borrowed the tail from Tilly.

And everyone always
loves something glittery.

Ah, Christie!

Ruth.

Did no-one bother to dress up?

- Er, made in China.
- No.

- Christie!
- Hey.

Finally.

Have you heard the rumour?

Apparently, he's been having
lunches. Zander's very curious.

But I told him some things
are better left alone.

They're important things,

anniversaries.

Parties.

Remembering.

A chance to reflect on what's important.

Who's important.

I have.

Of course you have,
Hannah. You're not stupid.

You did a brave thing,

even if it's painful.

The right thing.

Your father and I
struggled to limp past ten.

Interesting little...
rumour I heard, too.

That Oscar divorced you
on the basis of adultery.

What is this fashion for calling
parents by their first names?

- I thought we left that behind in the '70s.
- Ruth.

We all have things we're
not proud of, Hannah.

If there's one thing I hope we've
all learnt from the past few months,

it's that it's never
one person to blame.

Do you know your front door's open?

Prof Ronnie.

Hannah.

- How nice, a man in a suit!
- Thank you.

Hannah! Vinnie's saying
he's swallowed an earbud.

So... sorry.

Oh, my God, Prof Ronnie!

- Hi!
- Rose!

James? James!

Er, it's, er, Prof Ronnie.

Oh. Right. Great.

- Am I being weird?
- Same hair. Same hair.

- He's grey.
- Get his glass.

- DNA!
- This is not The Pink Panther.

Oh, my God. Sorry, I'm so sorry.

There was an... er,
crack. James, can you...

get Ronnie some more, er, champagne?

You're fine.

Do you feel sick?

- No.
- It'll flush itself out.

Yeah.

It's Ronnie's.

You're crazy.

Or not so crazy. Rather
brilliant in my thinking.

If you think about it,
and to repeat myself,

you and Nina are both exceptional.

You know, academically, sportily,

- fertilit-ily.
- That's not a word.

I mean, both of you,
not a problem. Nina...

not even interested and then bam,

just slips into the whole,

"Oh, whoopsie, I can procreate."

Whereas I, you know...

For years we... we're never
careful. For years. Never.

And the one time I'm late...

doesn't stick.

- Never sticks.
- Rose...

Maybe I don't have

the marvellous, miraculous Defoe DNA.

OK, OK. OK.

OK. You're crazy.

Rose...

- Having a good time there?
- What is your problem?

No, seriously. There are many other
people you could be doing this to.

There's a whole party of people
just waiting to be irritated by you.

Look, I just don't like seeing
a good thing go to waste.

I'm pregnant.

- Pregnant.
- Yeah, well, even more reason.

You were good today, with Will.

It's a pity you didn't
listen to yourself.

Tyler! Disco queen! Woo!

I know I look like I love it.

It's all fake. Woo!

A decade ago, I gave a speech at our

ten-year anniversary party,

and it was a lot more exciting
than this one is going to be.

- Yep.
- Back then it was all backpacking in Bali,

and Daft Punk at Glastonbury, and, er,

- up all night at the Hacienda.
- Yeah.

Er, in the decade since, there
have been fewer adventures,

but the adventures we have had
have been, for the most part,

- dreadful.
- Oh!

I don't know whose idea
the European road trip was!

Yours. It was all yours.

Er, six countries in two weeks,

three kids in the back
of the car, and no Wi-Fi.

Worst holiday ever!

Er, there have been chicken
pox, er, appendicitis...

... deaths.

Fathers, twice.

- Er, mothers both...
- Be very careful.

still very much alive.

There's been huge sums spent on
football kits and leotards and...

and on takeaway food!
Thank you, Jade Garden!

Fun times, crap times.

But most of the time...

..it's been pretty ace.

You know, I've long thought
that marriage is like a...

Lemony Snicket story. It's a
series of unfortunate events.

The best we can do is just...

to cling to one another and hope...

... it works out for the best.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

Thank you. So...

to my...

My adjectives fail me.

To my wife, Hannah. To Hannah.

To Hannah!

Congratulations!

OOH!

- Take another one.
- Mm-hmm!

Oh, my God!

- Do this?
- Mmm.

Oh, no.

Send it.

- You think?
- Mm-hmm.

- Nice speech.
- Oh, damn you. Don't be nice.

You can't be nice as well.

I mean, look at you. You won the
goddamn genetic lottery. Shit.

Wow. That hurts. Is that real?

I remember life before
children, when, er,

gyms weren't just places you paid
membership for but never visited.

I just swim these days.

Hannah likes swimming.

Is that so?

I always envied you.

I mean, you arrived at law school
with your stories of your travelling,

and you knew every lyric to
every song by Radiohead...

No, not envy. I, er...

I hated you.

Ah, it's harsh, isn't
it? But it is true.

These things need to be said.

Actually...

I want to thank you. Because...

you pushed me on. You made
me work harder. For Hannah.

For my family.

- I am grateful.
- I hope you are.

Just don't hurt her again.

I'd love to stay, I really would...

You OK?

Longer conversation.

My Uber's here in two minutes.

Why did you never have any children?

What?

Wrong time. Wrong person.

Probably the right choice.

That's what Hannah said, the
first time she got pregnant.

And then she went on and had three.

- You're losing me here.
- I've got nothing against abortion,

but how do you know? Hannah
said that she just did.

Three months after she got married,

she just knew it was the
wrong time to have a baby,

so she had an abortion.

- What?!
- But I couldn't go through with it.

I'm going to do it.

Oh... I am going to have a kid.

This must be yours.

You take it.

Are you sure?

Is it true?

Nina just told me.

- A few months after the wedding?
- Told you what?

You were pregnant?

- Christie...
- You didn't tell me.

You didn't give me a chance to...

Wow.

It could have been mine.

Wow.

Christie... Christie! Chris... !

Go away.

Go away!

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