All language subtitles for The.Split.S02E01.HDTV.x264-MTB

How many lengths today?

Um... - 40. - Slipping.

Pinch, punch, first of the month.
No returns.

You're so lame, Vinnie.

- Chin up, buttercup.
- You know, this is child labour, right?

What else could you possibly be for?

- Crisps constitute breakfast then?
- Race you to the tree.

- Vinnie, wait for me!
- We are terrible parents.

Why are your family always late?

I've got to be in court at nine.

OK. How do we, how do we do this?

I've never done this whole
dead dad stuff before.

- Can we just get on with it, please?
- Can we all just...?

Oh, God. Look.

- Oh, my God. - Take a handful.
- Gross. - Yeah.

Oh. - Look. - Urgh.

Or alternatively, use a cup.

- That's a good idea.
- Thanks.

- Right. Here we go.
- Not with your hands.

God.

I think someone
should say something.

No, not you. You wanted
to flush him down the loo.

Can we move this along?
I have a very busy day.

You do it.

- I don't... - Yes.
- I can't... Really?

Grandpa. Even though Grandma says
you were a dirty dog

and couldn't help yourself,
I thought you were all right.

And even though we didn't
know you for very long,

something is better than nothing.

- Ha.
- And thank you for the condom.

- Right.
- OK, Dad... Dad.

- Jesus.
- It's everywhere.

- To Oscar. - Oscar.
- Grandad. - Dad.

- Bye, Grandpa.
- Bye, Dad.

Grandpa's still stuck to the cup.

OK. All right. Cease and desist.

- Urgh, disgusting.
- Come here. - Oh, God.

- Bye, Grandad.
- I know. You OK?

Goodbye, Oscar.

Oh, yes.
That wonderful Defoe sentiment.

Condom? Really?
Ruth, are we seeing you tonight?

Tonight... I... I can't, Nathan.

- I have a meeting with a client.
- Well, rearrange.

James has put his photos
into a slide show and everything.

Oh, God. We'll definitely need wine.

There's nothing in the fridge.
Seriously.

Well, that's why Deliveroo
was invented.

Great. Great.

The Sullivan appeal. Have you
lodged the skeleton argument?

You know, it has to be filed within
14 days of your appellant's notice?

- Just a thought.
- Mother, when are you leaving again?

Hannah...

Does the D look a little small
to you?

- We've talked about this.
- Sorry.

Sorry. That's ridiculous.

- And again?
- Ridiculous.

I'm so hot.

Can we get these moved,
please? Meeting room four.

Thank you, Dee.

Christie, you're very early.
What have you got to hide?

Two prenups and a freezing
injunction but frisk me if you like.

- Hannah...
- Christie.

Don't forget, Mr Grayling tonight.

Yeah, I need to reschedule tonight.

Rose is back from travelling,
and we do this whole...

how the hell does this slide show
thing work,

whilst arguing the merits
of Indian takeaway over Thai.

- Yay.
- Sorry.

Really?
We've already cancelled twice.

Grayling, Grayling... Is he in...

- Shipping.
- I don't know a Grayling.

- Comes into town from...
- Time to time. - Time, yep.

Nathan just sprung it on me.

I got you something.

Ah, I don't think
they're going to fit me.

Humour me. Don't start
what you can't finish.

This way you can let
yourself in any time.

I dare you.

Hannah!

Um...
I will, er, bear that in mind.

Great. Good. Yep.

- Your nine o'clock is already here.
- Oh.

Fi Hansen. Total girl crush.

She came up in the service lift.

Love won't Leave You Alone?

Made up the entire soundtrack
to my teenage years.

Well, I've got two decades on you.

It's a... blur, post-Blur.

Right, I have to get these to court
for the Toynton Appeal.

Go, go, go, go.
I've got this.

Um, got it.

Sorry I'm early.
I could have circled one more time,

but I think my driver
just wanted to get me in.

I always freak out
there's going to be paps.

Ah, Hannah Stern.

Sorry, it's my youngest.

He's been up all night coughing

and now my nanny's saying
she wants to resign.

Sorry. Worst week to have
a show starting.

I'm With The Band.

I know.
Naff name for a show, isn't it?

I'm not crazy. Those trailers
have been haunting me in my sleep.

They're really pushing
the whole strip back,

back to basics, real music thing.

But, at the end of the day,
it's just another talent show

and who wants that?

Shit hits the fan at home

and I'm just meant to juggle
all of it sans nanny.

You'd think after five years,
she'd give me a bit more notice

than a week, wouldn't you?

Sorry.

It's OK.
- Kids are going to go ape shit.

- Mrs Hansen...
- Fi. Fi's fine.

How can I help you?

Er, no biggie, really. I was just
gassing with the girls

and someone said that
you're the best. It's my prenup.

It's been 14 years.

And Tabby, she's my guru and friend.

Long story short,
she got screwed, basically.

Husband turns out to be gay,
which is fine.

But when it came to her divorce,

apparently, the prenup
really matters

and she only got half
of what she felt she was owed.

So I just wanted to be sure that
I was protected, or provided for...

If you were to divorce.

No, no, no.

We've been together forever. No.

Sorry. It's just
more advice I wanted.

I haven't really read it
since I was married.

He's a brilliant dad.

Just when it comes
to our childcare arrangements,

he doesn't really... give a shit.

Um...

if it's any consolation,
my kids had crisps

and a chocolate bar for breakfast.

Oh! Now he's ranting that
I'm late for a fitting.

Sorry. They just pop up
on my calendar.

I can't really do this right now.
It's a really bad time.

I need to reschedule.

Take your time.

Call me whenever you're ready.

- Any time.
- Your son's Vinnie, Vinnie Stern.

My son's in his class, Callum.

Callum. Oh, of course. Sorry.

Callum. Yes. Yes, I know Callum.

I'm hopeless
with the whole mum thing.

I know no-one. I don't think
I've been to a cake sale

- since they were five.
- What's your secret?

You should know, anything we discuss
is held in the strictest confidence.

I knew who you were before I came.

I knew you were THAT Hannah Stern.

A friend of my sister's got stung

with the whole Indiana Ray thing,

so I just figured you'd understand.

That stuff sticks. We're
all clickbait at the end of the day.

Well, I'm sure people
are much more interested in you

than they are in me.

- Maggie... - Yeah.
- Will you show Mrs Hansen out?

- Sure. - Thanks.
- This way.

Oh, my God.
I hate you right now.

I didn't make us pregnant.

Are we pregnant?

Er, kind of did.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

No, I've changed my mind.

This is a bad idea.

You can't... No, this is your fault.

I can't... I can't do this.

No. Yes, you can.

- Oh, my gosh.
- And I will be there,

helping you get
that watermelon out of your vajoozi?

La, la, la, la, la. Not comforting.

Not comforting right now.

- I'm calling Hannah.
- No, we tell everyone together.

Yes. - Rose.

Yeah.
We tell everyone together.

- Milk's out.
- Thank you.

Er...
Do you mind if I walk with you?

Chloe Howell,
I'm one of the new pupils.

Business card - ahead of the curve.

I'm waiting to be assigned
to a supervising barrister.

- Oh, right. Well, officially...
- You haven't taken your decision yet,

which pupil you'll go with?

Not my decision.

I get what I'm given.

Even so, it's nice to be wanted.

I appreciate you probably
get this all the time

but I've read everything
you've written.

Ha! Well, that shouldn't
have taken too long.

Your arguments on heteronormativity,
intersectionality and surrogacy

are seriously progressive.

I just assumed you were younger.

Still a very conservative
institution, Frencham Street.

In a way, that's why I wanted
to come here. Shake it up a bit.

You do know that the total
percentage of black, Asian

and minority ethnic background
barristers is still only 12.7%.

I mean, you say
you've slashed the bias

towards the privately-educated
candidate

but just a reminder that
statistically I'm an anomaly

to have got this far.

Just wanted to get that in.

Good to know. I'll see you later.
2pm, my office.

Like I said, I don't choose.
Informed this morning.

Thanks. Rex, stop calling me.

Stop sending me late night
text messages and stop asking

for my forgiveness.

Congratulations. I'm really glad
that your pilot is going again.

I'm really glad that you're getting
on so well with your ex-wife,

but let's be clear,
if I ever see you again...

- There you are.
- Thanks... it will be too soon.

So just leave me to my shitty life

and go and enjoy
your beautiful new LA bubble.

Hello. Hello. Thank you. Thank you.

- How lovely.
- Thank you.

The new office looks great,

despite the fact
I can't work the coffee machine.

Rumour is true. I am back,

and you'll be pleased to know
that we are now fully functioning

- in midtown Chicago.
- Whoo!

I'd like to thank Ruth
for stepping into the fray

and smoothing over the merger,
in spite of her retirement.

We now set you free
with our gratitude and good wishes.

Nina, glad you could join us.

Incidentally, Ruth, congratulations
on your forthcoming award.

Attendance is mandatory,
so ringside seats all round.

Now go.

Run wild!

Moving on, I'd like to introduce
Tyler Donoghue.

- Hi. Great to be here, guys.
- Hi. - Hi.

Tyler is a management consultant
and one-time lawyer

who's going to help us here
for a while.

Ah, don't let the accent kid you.

Five years in Chicago,
three years in Toronto before that.

It's great to be here.
I've heard so much about you.

I specialise in mergers,
which can be a difficult time.

Two often very different
work cultures coming together

takes time, so team-building
where I can.

Well, we've made a few adjustments
and my hope is that everything

- is running smoothly now.
- Good to hear.

And again, thank you.

The plan is for Tyler to help us
oversee a programme of review.

Point up where we can rationalise.

Any new merger is an opportunity
to do due diligence,

scrutinise practice,
look to cut away fat.

He's on our side, really.

And so to business.
Hannah, Christie.

Yes. Flagged business today.

In particular,
the Lady Lexford prenup.

Ours is not to ask the reason why.
It may be her fourth...

- Fifth.
- ..fifth marriage. - Yeah.

Love finds where it falls.

Even if it falls
quite a lot for Lady Lexford.

Er, the Murray, Parson
and Lykvel divorce,

they all look like
they're heading to court.

Fallout from Indiana Ray's

still keeping business booming.

Extramarital affair website.

Client list leaked three months ago.

- The Ahmadi appeal.
- That's still going.

Well, we're wrapping it up
slowly, slowly.

Mr Ahmadi can be tricky.

And there are some clients that just
won't let one gracefully retire.

Anything else of interest?

Er, possible high profile client -
entertainment industry -

wanting to review her prenup.

She's 50% of a powerful brand, three
children, assets here and abroad,

a production company.
She's under the illusion

that she will share these assets.

But, on reviewing her prenup,
it doesn't look like that.

And it's one that I would
have advised her not to sign.

- Plus, it includes an NDA.
- Track it.

We want more high profile,
high revenue cases, please.

But clearly, you've been
managing beautifully.

I must remember to go away
more often.

I've missed you guys.

I think of you as my family
and, as family,

I wanted to share my good news.

Full disclosure. Tyler's not only
a very welcome addition

to the Noble Hale Defoe team,

we're getting married.

- Oh. - Wow.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.

- Congratulations.
- No. No, please, stop.

- That's brilliant. Congratulations.
- Thank you.

That's quite a souvenir.

Is it me, or is that
totally inappropriate?

Totally inappropriate.

He has tiny feet.

Oh, post these.

- Sure.
- I'll talk to her.

- Bishop Tony...
- Oh, I thought he was tomorrow.

- I did, too.
- Oh, God, Hannah, please, no.

I had two vodkas last night,
that's all, and I feel like crap.

Fine.

No delay. Straight into the intro.

Don't leave me hanging.

- Where are you?
- Just coming in now.

First verse, second verse.
Into chorus.

Bam-bam-bam-bam-bam. Bam!

Energy, yeah? You good?

Happy? Hey. OK.

What have we got? Er, no, no, no.

Silver. Let's go with the silver.

Silver always makes her skin pop
in the light, yeah?

Babe? Hey, smile.

I think I'm coming down
with whatever Dexter's got.

OK, let's go again. One more.

- Here we go.
- Why's she leaving? - Whoa, whoa.

Why does our nanny
suddenly want to go?

Grace...

Grace, can you be stand-in
for my gorgeous wife, please?

- Yeah, sure.
- Thank you.

Hey, why don't you, um...?

Why don't you go rest up?
I see you're starting to look

a little baggy round the eyes.

Don't forget we've got dinner
with Amazon tonight, yeah?

All right. Let's go through
that opening again.

Yeah? All right. Here we go.

We bill the usual six-minute units.

- These are all the partners.
- Yes. Down to the associates.

And you are...?

Junior solicitor,
though you may not know it.

I hang somewhere between
courier and assistant.

But, hey, that's five years
out of law school for you.

Helps when you have
your name above the door.

Enough said.

So you don't order according to
revenue, so you can clearly assess

who's bringing in what?

No.

We organise by partner.

OK. I'll also need
everyone's passwords,

just for their work e-mails.

Congratulations.

Being in Chicago raises your game.

You should try it.

I know you had your reasons
to stay in London, but tell me

you've managed to sort them out now.

I don't need drama.

Chicago was drama.

- No drama.
- Good.

- So we're on the same page.
- Mr Ahmadi, how's that racehorse?

- Wonderful.
- Khanomha lotfan az-in-taraf.

Oh, and thank you.

You're next, buddy.

After you.

You've left your brain
behind with a pilot.

And by the time you open your
parachute, you're hurtling down

towards the ground.

Standing with both feet
ready to land.

Wow. Sounds like hell.

Some might call it a death wish.

You've been married 48 years, Tony.

And, respectfully...

are you sure you want
to do this now?

Five children, 12 grandchildren.

This is not skydiving.

- It's on my list.
- Along with bungee jumping

from the San Francisco Bridge
and climbing Machu Picchu.

All of which you can do.

- I want to divorce my wife.
- And God won't mind?

God is not my jailer.

To each are given free will
to decide.

I've been to Thailand
and a lady bar,

and it's all proved
interesting and fine.

But now I want a divorce.

It's time.

It's number ten on my bucket list,
and I've exhausted the other nine.

- You love your wife.
- Yes.

- And you have a nice life with her.
- I do.

Then why do you want to
leave her now?

Because I can.

Because to do is to dare.

I'm not unhappy.

Neither do I wake
excited about my day.

Except when I think
of divorcing my wife.

And then the possibilities
seem endless.

Haven't you wanted
to shake things up?

I mean, do you look forward
to your day?

Um, not always.

I've been married to my wife
for 48 years,

and nothing untoward has happened.

I've risen up the ranks
of the Church, had children

and found my way.
But, over time, life calcifies.

To expect the promises
we made to one another

several decades ago
to still feel the same,

it's a tall ask.

And your wife?

I haven't told her yet. I will.

The most important thing
is that she's OK.

I want nothing.
I leave her everything.

We were, in fact, scheduled
to meet you tomorrow.

Why not give it 24 hours?
We can reconvene.

I won't change my mind.

What is faith but
a leap in the dark?

Really. We're all so afraid.

- 48 years.
- 48 or four.

- If he's unhappy.
- Can bishops even divorce?

Don't have a fundamental sense
of responsibility or duty.

God, we're all screwed when
the bishops start to walk out.

Nina, hi. Is this your office?

It is.

That's a lot of floor
space for one person.

Is it me or is he
really starting to grate?

Can you file this?

- Can't Maggie?
- She's not your assistant.

Yeah, and I hear
it's really starting to grate.

What, she said that? She said that.

I really don't like that man.

- Yes, but we don't say that out loud.
- Why can't I?

- Ah.
- OK, quick question.

You know that picture in Mum's
hallway of us and the neighbours

with Mum and Dad in the kaftan?

Mum, not Dad.

Oh, the one where Prof Ronnie
looks like a paedophile?

Exactly, yes. You look like Mum
and you look like Dad.

- I don't like anyone.
- Because you came with the monkeys.

Yada, yada, yada.

This conversation
is making no sense.

You should get some sleep
because you're jet-lagged.

Or, maybe you think about this stuff

when you're having a kid

because, officially, at
five weeks, the foetus is the size

of an apple seed, although, and
close your ears if you're queasy

when I say this. Um...

- Shit, I'm pregnant.
- No! - No!

By nine weeks,
he or she, it will have ear lobes.

He or she!

- And have hair follicles.
- That's so weird.

That's really creepy and amazing.

All right.

- People have babies.
- Mm. - It's no big deal.

I swear I've still got Dad's
ashes under my fingernails.

Mm.

OK, five seconds.
You get five seconds.

- Yes! - Yes!
- You're having a baby.

We're going to be aunties.

Yeah. You're having a baby.

What's wrong with you?

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

Girls. Girls, girls. Please.

I'm trying to start my meeting.

What is going on?

OK.

This place has gone to pot.

Your first six is always daunting,
but I'm sure you'll find your feet.

Thank you very much.

You ready?

So, er...

Chloe, what brought you
to the law?

The desire to effect change,
putting the clients first.

A belief in fairness, a certain
ethic to the way one lives.

OK, so that's the law school pitch.
Let's rewind and start again.

My parents divorced when I was five.

My mother remarried unhappily
when I was ten.

By the time I was 15,
I was helping her fill out forms

for housing benefits
to escape a marriage she never left

because she never found a lawyer
who could help her understand

there was a way out
from a kind of living death.

People stay in marriages
they're unhappy in.

In public, they're the couple
we all know and love

but, in private,
they've excused themselves.

The marriage is in a kind
of emotional and sexual limbo.

We even have a legal term for it.

A mensa et thoro -
from table and bed.

What we do - we help them escape.

- Rowing, that's unusual.
- All girls college.

Yeah.

Uh... Moving on... Um.

Buenas noches, Senor Lopez.

Hasta luego, Olivia.

- Olivia.
- He so wants you. - Shut up.

- Hi, Ralphy.
- Hey.

- How was your day?
- Good, thank you. Yours?

- Yeah, good.
- Good.

What did you learn?

We're studying Winston
Churchill in English.

- Ah, boring. Did you get any homework?
- No.

No? Oh, lucky you.

- Ralph. - Hey.
- In the car, baby.

It's fine.
I said till the end of the week.

Give me your keys.

Keys!

Hello, stranger. You still up
for book club at yours this week?

Yeah. Really looking forward to it.

I'll put it on the WhatsApp.
What time, eight?

- Sounds good.
- OK. See you.

You want to leave?
Why do you suddenly want to leave?

I don't want to do this now.

Please, Fi, will you just let me
get my stuff?

Stay in the car, Ralph. In the car.

- Why?
- You're upsetting the kids.

You've been with us, what?
Five years.

All of a sudden you want
to leave. No explanation.

Not to Richie, not to me, nothing.

That's my door key. Ralph has a
dentist appointment tomorrow at 6pm.

He needs another filling.
I don't know why, he just does.

Callum's at a friend's, and Dexter,
Dexter last had his medicine at...

- Why?
- Why do you think?

You know why.

You know, Fi.

- That's my handbag.
- You gave that to me.

Oh. Oh, my God. You're a liar.
You're right. You should leave.

I want you out. Take your purse,
and your skanky make-up,

and get out of our lives
because you steal.

- Fi, what?
- You steal.

It's all right. It's all right.

Mummy's OK.

Working late?

Oh, no, leave it open.

- I don't want people to think...
- Think what?

Fi Hansen. Interesting.

I saw her being sneaked
out the back way.

- Mm.
- Wow.

- Yeah.
- This is...

- Circa 2005.
- Oh, she won the jungle thing.

So you do watch those shows.

No, I have teenagers.
It's non-negotiable viewing.

Clause 8, no longer applicable.

Actually not enforceable,
and very unethical.

Yeah, agreed.

Fiona will make a commitment
to stay fit and active

and take care of her appearance.

- Signed under duress?
- Yeah. Two days before the wedding.

You could argue it refers
to the maintenance of their brand.

I don't see him agreeing
to work out.

He's a music producer.
He spends most of his life

behind a music desk.

That first album alone.
What was that boy band's name?

Three big guys, one little guy.

Damn. Sounds like a postcard.

Please, please tell me
Lauren listed this

in the unreasonable behaviour
particulars of your divorce.

Along with work addiction
and PlayStation at night.

You're not selling yourself
very well.

Already gone to the highest bidder.

- What?
- Beard.

You looked happy
with your sisters earlier.

- Rose is having a baby.
- Ah. Really? Mazel tov.

Well, it'll make tonight
more interesting.

- Yeah, I should be at...
- Grayling was wondering if tomorrow

that meeting...

Can we cool it with,
you know, the Grayling thing?

- Are you OK?
- Um, yeah.

Just... don't you ever feel guilty?

No.

Neither should you.

- How long have we got?
- Average wait for a Deliveroo.

And unto Mary a child was born.

Are you genetically predisposed
to just not being able

- to keep a secret?
- It's a medically proven fact.

It's not a good idea to shout
at a woman when she's pregnant.

- But beer's OK?
- I'm wetting the baby's head.

Rose...

- Genius.
- Thank you. Where's Hannah?

Late.

- In Between Days
- by The Cure

More plates.

- Sorry. I'm sorry.
- Ice cream?

What do you do with your day?

- Buenos noches, mama. - Hey.
- Why's your chin all red?

Er, chlorine. I think it's chlorine.

- Or the menopause.
- Thank you.

You smell like Polos.

Yay!

Oh, and this is Rose with
a Sri Lankan water buffalo.

- Interesting fact about water buffalo.
- Playing hooky? Ingenious.

Here we are.

My little girl.

Don't get too used to this.

Oh, this is interesting.

Someone doesn't like
the loss of attention.

I hope he's going to be tall, though
that somehow seems unlikely.

You are a horrible person.

- Who's the boy?
- Friend from school.

30 miles an hour they travel.

That's the last samosa,
you little shit!

You licked it!
That's so disgusting!

- Oh...
- Mmm, this is delicious.

It's interesting,
hormones make you hot.

At this stage?

Do you think it's going
to be a boy or a girl?

Oh, no, please.

No more girls.

Hey!

You know, they say you can tell how
many children you're going to have

- by the lines on your left hand.
- What?!

See, just down the side
of your little finger.

See, I've got three.

None. I've got none.

I've got five.

Well, it's definitely wrong,
Grandma,

else Mum would've had four -

unless you're planning
on having another one.

Are you not telling us something?

Thank you.

Hannah!

- Turn it off.
- Sorry.

Did you go to any temples?

Yeah. Yeah, we went to three.

I think it's going to be a boy.

Dad's last gift to me.

Is that right?

I got moths and a crematorium bill.

- I'll get it.
- If that's Barbara next door,

tell her we've already found God.

Sorry.

Sorry. Work thing overran.

I think you have our child.

- Yes. Yes.
- Callum.

- He's somewhere inside. Come in.
- OK. - Callum!

I don't think we've met. Richie.

- Hi.
- Curse of secondary school.

You know, years of play dates.

Can't get rid of the parents,
and then...

Then it's six months of dump and
drive and you hardly meet anyone!

- Fi. - Hannah.
- You get to dump and drive?

We're under strictest orders
to stay at least 200 yards away.

- Nathan.
- Richie.

I think I've met your nanny.

Oh, yeah. Who we've just fired.

- Oh.
- Mm. Stole a handbag.

- Mm!
- Oh, no. Unlucky.

- Hey, buster!
- Hey, Dad.

- Got all your stuff?
- Yeah. Just give me a second.

Just morphs and grows.

- I try to tame it, but...
- OK. Come on. Hey, look lively.

- Let's go. - Yes, Dad.
- Oh, that's hangry.

Been in the studio all day.
Poor love.

Yeah well, we've got to go home,
get changed, go back out again -

and they say there's
going to be dinner,

and you get there, it's
a couple of rank canapes...

This one, I think,
is coming down with something...

- It's doing the rounds.
- Mm.

- You an Arsenal fan?
- Fully paid up member.

Private box, mate.
Yeah, you should bring, um...

Vinnie.

To the next game. Seriously.
It'd be lovely to have you there.

Wow. Great. Great!

- Thank you.
- Come on, buddy boy.

- Thank you for having me.
- Yeah.

- All right. Nice to meet you guys.
- I'll see you out.

Lift it up mate, come on. It's late.

Can we just forget today?

I blame Tabby. Bloody shots.

Next thing you know,
I'm meeting a divorce lawyer!

Family law. I'm actually...
People call us that, but...

You left your paperwork.

Oh, no, don't give it to me now.
It's fine.

I'll get it couriered back
to your house tomorrow.

Fi! Fi!

Or if you prefer,
I have a window first thing.

There's a couple of points that
might be worth talking about.

- Let's go. What is she doing? Fi?!
- Sleep on it.

- Can we go home, please?
- If you're coming down with a cold,

your head might be clearer
in the morning.

We're reading that in book club.

Oh, yeah, er...

Jack Brodeur. Guilty pleasure.

OK. Night.

That was... Weird.

Oh, mother of God.

Thank you.

I have a feeling this is
going to be at my expense.

So, I was going through all
the old shit in my bedroom,

and I found these little gems.

Let me take you through
the many moods

- of Ruth Alice... - Wow!
- Why, thank you... Defoe.

Oh! Oh, wow.

That is a mullet worthy
of Kevin Keegan.

Who's Kevin Keegan?

- Oh, I despair.
- Dad had an earring?

- Yes, he did.
- Yeah, you're right.

Prof Ronnie does look like
a paedophile.

- With a touch of Fred West.
- No! I love Prof Ronnie.

Yeah, he was a very nice man.

Where's my glasses?
I never have my glasses.

We used to be quite friendly
with him and his wife for a bit.

- Bet you were - he's wearing Speedos!
- It was summer.

One would almost say dental floss.

That's the problem with your
generation - you all so prurient.

Look, we should make a bonfire.

No!

Why are all the photos of dad
always with Hannah or Rose?

There's not a single one
with just him with me.

- Yes, there is.
- No!

Look, there's you. There's Mum.

Even bloody Maya.

Um, sorry. Sorry. Um...

Rose wanted me to say something.

Now that you all know
that, indeed, we are with child...

I'd like to put to rest
the concerns

about my procreation ability...
Ha, ha!

Thank you, Nina.

And enjoy what we do best...

being a family.

Getting a little moist, there?

- Moist? Moist?
- Yeah!

Yes!

And, to second that,

I would like to personally say
bon voyage

to a shitty, shitty few months -

because I, for one,
am very grateful I'm still here.

There is nowhere else I'd rather be.

You're going to get really fat!

They seem nice.

- What does she do?
- Lawyer.

Family lawyer.

Hangry?

Hey, don't ever...

patronise me in front of people
like that again. Yeah?

Hm?

Are they running it?

Well, they've gone with
the handbag line, at least.

See, I told you I'd sort it.

Thank you.

Don't I always?

What if she goes to the press?

And says what?

Ooh... Ali? Yeah.

Yeah, I've just seen it.

No, she's fine!

Just make sure
it's shut down by morning.

No, they always do this.

They crank up the heat when they
know you've got a show going out.

Yeah, I know.

Well, it's your job to stay
on top of it, Ali.

I'll do my part.

Ha, what could go wrong?

Did you know that Richie
scored four times

in the Children In Need World Cup?

You show business whore.

I may maintain a healthy interest
in celebrity culture

from a socio-anthropological
point of view,

but to NOT would mean
we miss gems like this.

Fi Hansen came to see me
this morning.

- Oh, bang go those tickets.
- No, it was just advice.

Nothing more yet.

Dad? My allowance.

Ah, yes, we have considered
your application.

And...

What did I do wrong?

Nothing.

And her allowance is fine.

Stop trying so hard.

Stop trying to make everything OK.

Like tonight.

You don't need to make it
sound better.

You can't make it better.

Are you ever going to be able
to forgive me?

I'm working on it.

I'm THAT Hannah Stern.

And when people hear my name,

or talk amongst their friends,

that's what they say.

Do you know how humiliating that is?

Thanks.

The meeting with Mr
Grayling's back in.

You want me to confirm it
in the diary?

Already done.

She's here, by the way.

I haven't got long. I've got to be
in the studio in less than an hour.

OK.

I've marked it up.

No obligation.

But if I was to give any advice,
I would change the terms

of your prenup
by signing a post-nup.

I find this document disturbing,

not least because
whoever did advise you,

let you sign a suffocating NDA.

- Now there are...
- She didn't steal a handbag.

She slept with my husband.

I'm so embarrassed.

Don't be.

I'm THAT Hannah Stern.

It wasn't a nanny, but he did sleep
with her four times.

I'm sorry.

First time, it was with my PA.

Nice girl, from Cardiff.

Second time, an actress.

Never screw an actress.

But again, he shut it down.

Then, after that, I think
I just stopped looking.

It gets easier
the more you ignore it.

Only this time,
the kids really loved her,

love her.

So how do I get out?

He mustn't find out.

There are things that we can do,

things we can put in place to set

the process in motion.

You start by writing it
all down. Give it a title.

I'm old school.
I prefer a notebook.

But there are those that keep
it on their phone. A list.

Every woman should have one.
Give it a title.

Birthday list, things to do, Ocado,
whatever you like.

A record of his unreasonable
behaviour.

Anything you feel uncomfortable
with, anything you don't like.

We can prepare carefully
in order to minimise the impact

on you and the children.

Are you scared of him?

I love this place.

You brought me here.

I was 19 and wet behind the ears
and you took me in.

Three months in the post room
and on my last day

you brought me here and said,

"Don't give up the day job."

Thank God you didn't listen.

And now that's exactly
what you're asking of me.

Why don't you teach?

And before you say no,
you're too brilliant to go to waste.

If you need any contacts...

Thank you, Zander.
Very gracefully done, but I'm fine.

I have one or two of my own

I'm sure I can call upon.

Being engaged suits you.

And on that note, I may need
a favour from you.

I've asked Christie to join us.

I thought you'd made the dream team
for my pre-nup.

Excuse me?

I wonder if you could help me.

I've been waiting.

But the young lady said...

I'm Bishop Tony's wife.

Ah!

Um... Of course.

Why don't you take a seat?

I... erm...

I found that there's a meeting
in his diary

for today and I tried to call,

but I didn't know what to say.

I presumed it was a church
thing, but it's family law.

Mrs Venwell...
I found this list.

Well, I humoured his adventures,
but it's...

It's number ten.

It's number ten.

"Leave Amanda."

We've known one another
since we were children.

I thought we were happy.

He was shaving.

And then I just found him
on the floor

with his stupid list.

He's dead.

I'm so sorry.

Number 10... "Leave Amanda."

Was... Was he planning to?

I'm afraid we can't discuss that.

It's client confidentiality.

Everything.

"Leave Amanda everything."

We're family lawyers.

It was a probate matter.

That's what I thought. Yes.

Thank you.

That's...

Maggie, sorry...

Would you mind getting
Mrs Venwell a cup of tea?

What are you doing?

What?

We all have lists, Nina.

Things we want to do,
things we fantasise about,

but we don't just drop
them on people.

We take time.

We consider. We think
about the consequences.

We prepare to minimise
the heartbreak.

It's called calculated risk.

Or lying.

Right, I don't care
if you like it or not,

but it's spag bol for tea.

Hello?

Auntie Rose!

Coming.

- Help!
- I didn't do anything!

Rose?

In a minute. In a minute.
I'll be there a minute.

Oh, God.

Oh, shit.

Hey, love.
I might be late. I need a swim.

I'm going to head to the gym.

Rosie's dropped by
and she's feeding everyone.

She can stay until Liv
gets back from piano.

So, don't hurry if
you're stuck at work.

OK. Bye.

"Hey, love. Might be late. Need a
swim. I'm going to head to the gym.

Donde est mama?

Esta en la piscina!

Your accent is terrible.