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1
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:11,827
Hello. Steve? It's Rob.
Oh, hey, hey.
2
00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:15,473
How's the show going? Just finished,
just started the hiatus.
3
00:00:15,476 --> 00:00:17,075
Yeah, I know, I spoke to your agent.
4
00:00:17,076 --> 00:00:19,395
Listen, The Observer wants us
to do more restaurant reviews,
5
00:00:19,397 --> 00:00:20,852
another six lunches. Really?
6
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:26,253
But this time in Italy. La bella
Italia, yeah? What do you think?
7
00:00:26,256 --> 00:00:28,488
Well...
They'll fly you to Europe.
8
00:00:28,491 --> 00:00:31,611
First class?
No, they're offering business.
9
00:00:36,134 --> 00:00:39,613
Shall I compare thee
to a summer's day?
10
00:00:39,616 --> 00:00:44,215
Thou art more beautiful
and more temperate.
11
00:00:44,218 --> 00:00:46,897
Rough winds do shake
the darling buds of May
12
00:00:46,899 --> 00:00:51,058
and summer's lease
has all too short a date.
13
00:00:51,060 --> 00:00:52,699
Aren't those lines
of Mr Shakespeare?
14
00:00:52,701 --> 00:00:56,181
Yes, I don't like
to quote my own work.
15
00:00:57,943 --> 00:00:59,543
Aha!
16
00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:25,912
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.
17
00:01:32,236 --> 00:01:35,516
You OK?
Yes, fine.
18
00:01:37,118 --> 00:01:40,037
How was last night?
Fine.
19
00:01:40,039 --> 00:01:41,798
Can you elaborate?
20
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,759
I don't want to talk about it and
that's not the cue for an ABBA song.
21
00:01:45,761 --> 00:01:49,640
Well, I think when most people say
they don't want to talk about it,
22
00:01:49,642 --> 00:01:52,081
it means it didn't go very well,
but with you,
23
00:01:52,084 --> 00:01:55,563
I'd infer that it went pretty well.
24
00:01:55,565 --> 00:01:57,165
Yeah, too well.
25
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,967
Very green, isn't it?
26
00:02:02,968 --> 00:02:04,087
It is.
27
00:02:04,088 --> 00:02:05,487
Molta verde.
28
00:02:05,489 --> 00:02:10,328
Giuseppe Verdi sounds
very fancy, Joe Green.
29
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:11,610
Joe Green.
30
00:02:11,611 --> 00:02:15,050
Roberto Brydone. Sounds classier
than Rob Brydon, doesn't it?
31
00:02:15,053 --> 00:02:16,932
Yeah.
Stefano Coggani.
32
00:02:16,933 --> 00:02:19,932
Yeah, I prefer my name
in Spanish, Esteban. What is it?
33
00:02:19,934 --> 00:02:21,253
SPANISH ACCENT: Esteban.
34
00:02:21,255 --> 00:02:23,254
You sound like a bull fighter.
35
00:02:23,256 --> 00:02:26,255
The bull is...
muy morte.
36
00:02:26,257 --> 00:02:29,776
No, no morte el toro! You bring
home the bull, we milk the bull.
37
00:02:29,778 --> 00:02:32,337
Don't milk... We don't milk
the bull, we milk the cow.
38
00:02:32,339 --> 00:02:34,178
Yeah, we don't want to milk
a bull, Rob,
39
00:02:34,180 --> 00:02:37,419
not after what happened last time.
That was a misunderstanding.
40
00:02:37,421 --> 00:02:41,500
You know that was a simple
misunderstanding, I was just... happened to be on the farm.
41
00:02:41,503 --> 00:02:43,823
I've always been an animal lover,
you know that.
42
00:02:50,986 --> 00:02:52,666
Right, just a quick one.
43
00:02:54,747 --> 00:02:59,546
Look at that hair. George Michael
in the Careless Whisper video.
44
00:02:59,550 --> 00:03:01,430
Why do we have to do this?
45
00:03:03,151 --> 00:03:05,391
A picture is worth a thousand words.
46
00:03:08,953 --> 00:03:10,912
It's not how I imagined it would be.
47
00:03:10,914 --> 00:03:13,393
I've never seen so many deck chairs.
48
00:03:13,395 --> 00:03:15,114
Really reminiscent of Rhyl.
49
00:03:15,115 --> 00:03:17,195
Ever played the Sun Centre in Rhyl?
50
00:03:19,198 --> 00:03:21,638
No. No, that's on my to do list.
51
00:03:24,319 --> 00:03:27,078
See, you've got Shelley there
on his funeral pyre.
52
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,479
Byron staring wistfully into space,
that's Trelawney,
53
00:03:29,481 --> 00:03:31,560
he's the guy that commissioned
the boat so...
54
00:03:31,562 --> 00:03:33,161
Oh, that's a bit awkward.
55
00:03:33,162 --> 00:03:34,681
Hence he's staring at his feet.
56
00:03:34,683 --> 00:03:37,522
They wouldn't sue in those days,
not like they do now.
57
00:03:37,524 --> 00:03:40,403
Have you been injured at work
while composing romantic poetry
58
00:03:40,406 --> 00:03:46,805
on a boat, call now. 0800 471 471,
you could win up to �5,000.
59
00:03:46,808 --> 00:03:48,527
Like Mr Shelley.
60
00:03:48,528 --> 00:03:50,047
Guineas, yes.
61
00:03:50,049 --> 00:03:54,608
You could win up to 5,000 guineas,
like Mr Shelley from the UK.
62
00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:56,729
They wouldn't call it the UK.
63
00:03:56,731 --> 00:03:59,490
Like Mr Shelley from Great Britain.
64
00:03:59,493 --> 00:04:02,252
But this is a very idealised
version of everything,
65
00:04:02,253 --> 00:04:05,012
I mean he wouldn't have
looked like that, he'd been
66
00:04:05,015 --> 00:04:08,934
bobbing around for two weeks so he'd
have been bloated beyond belief.
67
00:04:08,936 --> 00:04:12,055
Yeah, everything looks better
in a painting, doesn't it?
68
00:04:12,057 --> 00:04:16,856
I sometimes think that one day I
will be, and so will you, on a slab.
69
00:04:16,860 --> 00:04:19,739
Yep. You'll have a little tag round
your toe
70
00:04:19,741 --> 00:04:22,740
and somebody will be there
embalming you.
71
00:04:22,742 --> 00:04:25,741
Yeah. Do you ever think that?
Because it is going to happen.
72
00:04:25,742 --> 00:04:28,861
Unless you're lost at sea and
we can't find you, which is unlikely.
73
00:04:28,864 --> 00:04:33,983
You will one day lie on a slab.
You will, you will!
74
00:04:33,986 --> 00:04:37,345
It's better to accept it,
you're going to be on a slab.
75
00:04:37,347 --> 00:04:41,226
And then, and you'll be naked,
then somebody else will dress you.
76
00:04:41,229 --> 00:04:44,148
Yeah well, I... I would imagine with
you that will happen sometime
77
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:46,589
before you actually die,
somebody else dressing you.
78
00:04:46,591 --> 00:04:50,190
I see you in your later years,
having to be dressed.
79
00:04:50,192 --> 00:04:53,111
I will, and I'll be dressed
by a very attractive young nurse.
80
00:04:53,114 --> 00:04:55,193
Yeah, but you'll be able to do
nothing with her,
81
00:04:55,194 --> 00:04:57,313
absolutely nothing with her,
because your mind,
82
00:04:57,315 --> 00:04:59,994
you'll be like The Diving Bell and
the Butterfly, and your mind
83
00:04:59,996 --> 00:05:03,955
will still be as active as it is now.
I'll still be able to sort of clasp her hand as she walks away.
84
00:05:03,957 --> 00:05:07,916
No, you won't. There'll be no groping
at all and that will absolutely kill you from the inside,
85
00:05:07,919 --> 00:05:11,198
because she'll lean over you knowing,
and she'll taunt you with her breasts
86
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,959
and there'll be nothing you can do
and I'd love to be there.
87
00:05:13,961 --> 00:05:16,920
I would love to be there.
I don't know what films you've been watching.
88
00:05:16,922 --> 00:05:18,641
Do you know what I do?
I read for Steve.
89
00:05:18,643 --> 00:05:20,722
Have you heard what Rob Brydon
does for Steve?
90
00:05:20,724 --> 00:05:23,643
Steve is more or less a vegetable,
but Rob goes every day and reads,
91
00:05:23,645 --> 00:05:26,244
and the only reason I do it is to be
there watching you unable
92
00:05:26,246 --> 00:05:30,286
to reach out to your Filipino nurse.
Knowing how much it's hurting you.
93
00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:34,727
Now Trelawney is worried,
94
00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:39,369
because he's concerned that Byron
is going to take Shelley's skull
95
00:05:39,371 --> 00:05:42,290
because he already had a skull
which he used to drink from.
96
00:05:42,293 --> 00:05:44,252
Yeah, you see, that lets Byron down,
97
00:05:44,253 --> 00:05:46,932
because all that sort of great
passionate poetry
98
00:05:46,934 --> 00:05:50,013
and then you find out he's drinking
from a novelty mug.
99
00:05:50,015 --> 00:05:52,734
I would use your skull,
not as a novelty mug.
100
00:05:52,736 --> 00:05:56,855
I would saw off the top, like you do
when you eat from a monkey.
101
00:05:56,858 --> 00:05:59,537
And I would mount it
on the dashboard of my car.
102
00:05:59,538 --> 00:06:01,217
Keep the top as a lid.
103
00:06:01,220 --> 00:06:03,899
Yes, and use it as a cup holder
104
00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:07,219
and put on the best of Partridge
on the MP3 player.
105
00:06:07,221 --> 00:06:11,180
I'd laugh my head off while looking
at your head, literally off,
106
00:06:11,184 --> 00:06:15,903
pop the latte into your head, and if
I was entertaining someone I'd say...
107
00:06:15,905 --> 00:06:18,264
They'd sit there, I mean your work
is great, they'd say,
108
00:06:18,266 --> 00:06:21,185
"Isn't he funny?" I'd say, "Not just
funny, he's holding my coffee."
109
00:06:21,187 --> 00:06:23,906
Did you know there's another bloke
who died on the boat with him?
110
00:06:23,908 --> 00:06:26,627
Yes, and they buried him,
they burned him the day before.
111
00:06:26,629 --> 00:06:29,068
Yeah.
The warm-up man.
112
00:06:29,070 --> 00:06:30,909
Forgotten. A footnote in history.
113
00:06:30,911 --> 00:06:33,510
If you die with somebody
more famous than you...
114
00:06:33,512 --> 00:06:35,711
It is terrible, like Diana...
Mother Teresa.
115
00:06:35,713 --> 00:06:37,993
Mother Teresa.
Nobody mentions Mother Teresa.
116
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:42,113
Right, I shall drive
as per our agreement.
117
00:06:42,116 --> 00:06:46,515
You can have the new experience
of being a passenger.
118
00:06:46,516 --> 00:06:50,115
You sure? It's not new. I've been
chauffeur driven many times before.
119
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:55,957
We are going to Palazzo Lanfranchi
in Pisa, where Byron lived,
120
00:06:55,961 --> 00:07:01,200
and it is on the
Lungarno Galileo Galilei.
121
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:05,322
I'm now in fourth gear, OK?
Is that all right?
122
00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:08,323
All I said was reverse
is next to first,
123
00:07:08,325 --> 00:07:10,844
it's very easy to select it
unwittingly.
124
00:07:10,846 --> 00:07:14,446
I'm not slagging you off, I'm
alerting you to what might happen.
125
00:07:15,728 --> 00:07:17,487
Crossing the Rubicon here.
126
00:07:17,488 --> 00:07:19,887
No, this is the Arno.
127
00:07:19,889 --> 00:07:24,049
Look, we're in Pisa. Can we go
and see the Leaning Tower?
128
00:07:25,332 --> 00:07:29,851
Galileo used the tower of Pisa
to illustrate gravity.
129
00:07:29,854 --> 00:07:32,533
In all seriousness,
Galileo was a great, great man.
130
00:07:32,534 --> 00:07:34,413
Can't go left there,
there are bollards.
131
00:07:34,416 --> 00:07:36,215
Vilified by the church, persecuted.
132
00:07:36,216 --> 00:07:37,735
Why can you not turn left?
133
00:07:37,736 --> 00:07:40,535
As was Marconi, because the church
always persecutes people
134
00:07:40,538 --> 00:07:42,337
who come up
with scientific solutions.
135
00:07:42,338 --> 00:07:45,057
Not even a proper road,
there are umbrellas in there.
136
00:07:45,060 --> 00:07:48,059
And then years later, of course,
completely vindicated.
137
00:07:48,061 --> 00:07:50,660
That's telling me to go there,
that's telling me I can't.
138
00:07:50,661 --> 00:07:53,701
Oh, hang on. In right here.
Go there, go there, go there.
139
00:07:58,985 --> 00:08:00,704
Why do backs sweat so much?
140
00:08:00,705 --> 00:08:03,624
Because you get hot in the car and
you're pressed up against leather,
141
00:08:03,626 --> 00:08:05,545
so you're bound to sweat, aren't you?
142
00:08:05,547 --> 00:08:07,826
Yeah, but that's this fashion
for leather seats,
143
00:08:07,828 --> 00:08:09,987
never happened with velour.
144
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:15,148
Jaguar blow cold air through the
seats to make your back cool
145
00:08:15,150 --> 00:08:17,429
and I used to think that was
an indulgence,
146
00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:19,271
but I might get one now, get a Jag.
147
00:08:22,234 --> 00:08:24,513
Palazzo Lanfranchi.
Byron lived here.
148
00:08:24,515 --> 00:08:27,074
Palazzo... Anne Franki?
149
00:08:27,075 --> 00:08:28,474
Lanfranchi.
150
00:08:28,476 --> 00:08:31,155
I thought that was in Amsterdami.
Are you sure it's Byron's?
151
00:08:31,156 --> 00:08:32,675
There's no plaque.
152
00:08:32,677 --> 00:08:34,076
Please take a photograph.
153
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,997
I'm just asking why
there's no plaque.
154
00:08:35,999 --> 00:08:39,638
I don't know why there's no plaque
but please take the photograph.
155
00:08:39,641 --> 00:08:41,760
Ask this lady.
156
00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:43,880
Oh, scusi, sorry. Palazzo Lanfranchi?
157
00:08:43,882 --> 00:08:46,361
Si, yes.
Did Byron live here?
158
00:08:46,363 --> 00:08:49,562
No, Byron lived on the other,
in the other Palazzo Lanfranchi,
159
00:08:49,564 --> 00:08:51,363
they had so many palaces.
160
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:53,084
Right, and Shelley, where was...?
161
00:08:53,085 --> 00:08:55,524
Shelley lived over there,
where you see the ruins?
162
00:08:55,527 --> 00:08:57,326
There's no palaces any more.
163
00:08:57,327 --> 00:08:59,806
Si. Si, grazie. Arrivederci.
164
00:08:59,808 --> 00:09:02,367
Grazie mille.
165
00:09:02,369 --> 00:09:04,289
Aw, she ignored you.
166
00:09:07,011 --> 00:09:08,330
Where are we going now?
167
00:09:08,332 --> 00:09:12,972
It's in the dossier, the sexed-up
dossier in the rear of the car.
168
00:09:17,615 --> 00:09:19,175
OK.
169
00:09:20,656 --> 00:09:23,455
"Set in a wooded hill overlooking
the valley below
170
00:09:23,457 --> 00:09:25,616
"in the heart of Tuscany,
La Suvera in Pievescola
171
00:09:25,617 --> 00:09:28,696
"is an historic villa full
of precious antiques and heirlooms.
172
00:09:28,699 --> 00:09:31,698
Do James Mason.
173
00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:34,179
AS JAMES MASON:
"In the heart of Tuscany,
174
00:09:34,181 --> 00:09:37,340
"La Suvera in Pievescola is an
historic villa
175
00:09:37,342 --> 00:09:40,301
"full of precious
antiques and heirlooms."
176
00:09:40,304 --> 00:09:43,303
Could we now please have
Mr Neil Kinnock?
177
00:09:43,305 --> 00:09:46,104
AS NEIL KINNOCK: Oh, all right.
"Once a medieval fortress
178
00:09:46,105 --> 00:09:48,304
"and later a papal palace."
179
00:09:48,306 --> 00:09:50,385
That's the best thing you do.
That is the best...
180
00:09:50,387 --> 00:09:52,507
The best thing I do?
That's the best thing you do.
181
00:09:56,550 --> 00:09:58,229
The sign says go the other way.
182
00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:00,429
Yeah, but the Sat Nav
said go this way.
183
00:10:00,431 --> 00:10:03,550
No, I think the signs were right
and I'm the navigator.
184
00:10:03,552 --> 00:10:06,191
It would help if
we got over 40 miles an hour.
185
00:10:06,193 --> 00:10:09,992
All right. See I changed down then.
186
00:10:09,995 --> 00:10:13,635
Yeah, I loved the crunch sound that
you made when you did it as well.
187
00:10:14,836 --> 00:10:18,036
I'm hungry, so let's just stop
at the first place we come to.
188
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:25,879
Oh! Oh, come on, somewhere, please.
189
00:10:25,881 --> 00:10:29,040
You can see things,
you can see villages or towns
190
00:10:29,042 --> 00:10:30,481
but you never actually get to them.
191
00:10:30,483 --> 00:10:33,443
Eventually, eventually we'll...
I'll sniff one out.
192
00:10:37,485 --> 00:10:39,165
Trattoria Albana.
193
00:10:44,489 --> 00:10:46,729
Thank God for that, food.
194
00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:51,050
Care to explain this?
195
00:10:52,411 --> 00:10:54,850
IN PETE AND DUD VOICE:
'Ere, what are you doing
196
00:10:54,852 --> 00:10:58,131
with the Casanova's autobiography
in your sandwich box?
197
00:10:58,134 --> 00:10:59,733
It's just research, that's all.
198
00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:04,533
Just going to plump up the articles
with a bit of culture, you know.
199
00:11:04,536 --> 00:11:08,055
This is just extracts.
The full thing is 800 pages.
200
00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:11,137
How long was your book?
Your autobiography?
201
00:11:11,139 --> 00:11:14,018
I can't remember.
300, 200 and something? 300?
202
00:11:14,020 --> 00:11:15,979
200 of that's got to have
been padding.
203
00:11:15,980 --> 00:11:18,139
There's not much padding.
I'll be honest with you.
204
00:11:18,141 --> 00:11:19,980
Have you read it?
No, of course not, no.
205
00:11:19,981 --> 00:11:23,220
I mean I've skimmed the index in
WH Smith's, saved myself the �1.99.
206
00:11:23,223 --> 00:11:26,582
And seeing your name, you weren't
tempted to dip in and have a look?
207
00:11:26,584 --> 00:11:28,863
No, I saw it. I just wanted
to make sure I got a mention.
208
00:11:28,865 --> 00:11:30,544
Yeah, I speak very highly of you,
yes.
209
00:11:30,546 --> 00:11:33,505
I'm sure you do, didn't doubt it,
that's why I didn't need to check.
210
00:11:33,507 --> 00:11:35,627
Prego. Grazie.
211
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:39,627
Ideally he'd open it,
but there we are, it's a start.
212
00:11:39,629 --> 00:11:41,828
Yeah, well, you got to pay
extra for that.
213
00:11:41,830 --> 00:11:45,069
No, it's good.
It's about 300 pages long,
214
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:49,590
I only go up to winning
the British Comedy Award.
215
00:11:49,593 --> 00:11:51,872
For the first time.
216
00:11:51,874 --> 00:11:53,873
Well, how many have you won?
217
00:11:53,875 --> 00:11:55,114
Three.
218
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,354
Really?
219
00:11:56,355 --> 00:11:57,794
You cheeky bugger.
Wow.
220
00:11:57,796 --> 00:12:00,955
Look at that genuine shock.
Genuine shock, you bastard.
221
00:12:00,957 --> 00:12:02,796
I'm genuinely shocked - three?
222
00:12:02,798 --> 00:12:05,197
Can you mask your genuine shock?
There's an idea.
223
00:12:05,199 --> 00:12:06,399
Grazie.
224
00:12:11,802 --> 00:12:14,601
Seven. That's how many.
225
00:12:14,602 --> 00:12:17,521
I thought I'd answer the silent
question that was hovering.
226
00:12:17,524 --> 00:12:19,444
Which is... Buono, buono, bene.
227
00:12:24,607 --> 00:12:27,606
What could you possibly write
about that could fill,
228
00:12:27,608 --> 00:12:29,687
what was it, 100 pages?
229
00:12:29,688 --> 00:12:32,527
300. 300 pages, I mean,
I don't know what you...?
230
00:12:32,529 --> 00:12:34,968
Well, since you asked.
231
00:12:34,970 --> 00:12:40,049
I was born 3rd May, 1965,
South Wales, Swansea.
232
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:42,451
Are these the highlights?
233
00:12:42,453 --> 00:12:45,972
In a little nursing home called,
ironically enough, The Bryn,
234
00:12:45,975 --> 00:12:49,534
given the great accolades
I would enjoy later in my life
235
00:12:49,537 --> 00:12:52,056
playing a character
of that same name.
236
00:12:52,057 --> 00:12:55,536
"Bryn" means "hill" in Welsh,
and I've often wondered how different
237
00:12:55,539 --> 00:12:58,738
my life would have been if my mother
had chosen instead
238
00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:01,499
the nearby James Bond Home for
Expectant Mothers,
239
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:02,819
so I start with a gag.
240
00:13:02,821 --> 00:13:05,060
And this made the final edition?
241
00:13:05,062 --> 00:13:08,661
My parents were young when they had
me, my father a car salesman.
242
00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:11,663
We lived in Baglan,
near Port Talbot.
243
00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:13,984
I'm a bit worried there's been
crossed wires here
244
00:13:13,986 --> 00:13:16,585
because you seem to have started
telling me your life story.
245
00:13:16,586 --> 00:13:18,025
I'm reciting the book.
246
00:13:18,027 --> 00:13:20,227
We're still on page one
so settle in.
247
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,109
Have you written yours then?
248
00:13:26,110 --> 00:13:27,829
No. No, I haven't.
249
00:13:27,831 --> 00:13:29,990
I've written the Partridge
autobiography -
250
00:13:29,992 --> 00:13:32,111
I, Partridge,
We Need to Talk About Alan.
251
00:13:32,113 --> 00:13:35,753
Do we?
Yeah. Very successful. I mean very.
252
00:13:37,955 --> 00:13:43,755
Five stars. I don't know
if I've seen more five-star reviews.
253
00:13:48,079 --> 00:13:51,798
Ah. Ravioli, pasta.
254
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:55,919
Remind me at some point to tell
you about the time I co-piloted
255
00:13:55,921 --> 00:13:59,320
a fighter jet from RAF Norfolk.
Not now but another time.
256
00:13:59,323 --> 00:14:02,762
No, you've already told me that
story, on more than one occasion.
257
00:14:02,764 --> 00:14:05,163
No, I probably gave you
the bullet points.
258
00:14:05,165 --> 00:14:07,724
No, it was quite extensive.
We've got time here so...
259
00:14:07,726 --> 00:14:10,165
No, we haven't. We really haven't.
260
00:14:10,167 --> 00:14:12,926
This is good. You know we're not that
far from the hotel,
261
00:14:12,928 --> 00:14:14,887
you know that, don't you?
About ten miles.
262
00:14:14,889 --> 00:14:16,928
I know. Because I checked a thing
called a map.
263
00:14:16,930 --> 00:14:19,129
That's what they used to use
in the olden days, Rob.
264
00:14:19,131 --> 00:14:22,010
Fine, so when we get to the hotel,
we'll enjoy the hotel.
265
00:14:22,012 --> 00:14:24,011
Yeah, we could have been
eating there now.
266
00:14:24,012 --> 00:14:25,651
This is good,
what's wrong with this?
267
00:14:25,654 --> 00:14:27,854
Nothing wrong with this.
This is good ravioli.
268
00:14:31,255 --> 00:14:35,774
"He possessed two of the most
important ingredients of greatness,
269
00:14:35,777 --> 00:14:39,176
"total self-confidence
and super-abundant energy.
270
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:43,737
"He feared nobody, he was equally
at home in a palace or a tavern."
271
00:14:43,740 --> 00:14:46,499
Tick, tick, tick.
"A church or a brothel." Tick.
272
00:14:46,501 --> 00:14:49,740
"He was totally devoid of a sense of
morality, love for him..."
273
00:14:49,742 --> 00:14:53,581
Well that's not me. "..had no
connection with evil, it meant pleasure pure and simple."
274
00:14:53,583 --> 00:14:55,742
That's not me
I've got a moral compass.
275
00:14:55,744 --> 00:14:58,823
Oh, yes, you have a moral compass,
it's just you don't know where it is.
276
00:14:58,825 --> 00:15:01,384
I do have a moral compass
and if you gave me three days,
277
00:15:01,387 --> 00:15:03,506
I could find it in the attic.
278
00:15:03,507 --> 00:15:06,186
When was the last time
you found yourself wondering,
279
00:15:06,189 --> 00:15:08,588
"Oh, I wonder
where my moral compass is?
280
00:15:08,589 --> 00:15:09,788
"I could do with it now."
281
00:15:09,790 --> 00:15:12,189
When I've needed it,
I've managed to root it out.
282
00:15:12,191 --> 00:15:14,510
But when? What sort of occasions
would they have been?
283
00:15:14,512 --> 00:15:15,951
This is what I'm curious to know.
284
00:15:15,952 --> 00:15:18,751
OK, when I appeared before
the Leveson Inquiry,
285
00:15:18,754 --> 00:15:21,393
I think I probably laid my hands
on my moral compass then.
286
00:15:21,394 --> 00:15:25,393
Cost me �450,000 in legal fees when
I tried to sue News International
287
00:15:25,396 --> 00:15:28,115
and it doesn't make you very
popular with certain people.
288
00:15:28,117 --> 00:15:29,916
But you know it's the right thing
to do,
289
00:15:29,917 --> 00:15:32,557
so that's why I'm different
from Casanova.
290
00:15:39,841 --> 00:15:43,320
Byron had a... 17-year-old mistress.
291
00:15:43,323 --> 00:15:47,042
She was married to a 60-year-old
nobleman and they all lived together,
292
00:15:47,044 --> 00:15:49,923
everybody knew about it,
and of course, they were then exiled
293
00:15:49,926 --> 00:15:53,245
to Pisa because they were
fighting for the Carbonari.
294
00:15:53,247 --> 00:15:54,766
Really? Yeah.
295
00:15:54,767 --> 00:15:56,686
I mean I like Carbonara
but you know...
296
00:15:56,688 --> 00:15:58,767
Would you fight for one?
No. No?
297
00:15:58,768 --> 00:16:00,967
No, I mean Italian food's nice
but it's not that good.
298
00:16:00,969 --> 00:16:03,208
Do you know what I'd fight for?
I'd fight for a curry.
299
00:16:03,210 --> 00:16:05,849
I might fight after a curry.
I'd fight for a seafood linguine,
300
00:16:05,852 --> 00:16:07,331
I think, that would get my gander.
301
00:16:07,332 --> 00:16:10,051
Yeah, a good spag bol, I wouldn't
fight but you know, I'd...
302
00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,053
Stamp your feet?
303
00:16:11,055 --> 00:16:14,173
No, I'd flick someone on the side
of their ear, quite painfully.
304
00:16:14,175 --> 00:16:15,694
Flick someone like at school.
305
00:16:15,696 --> 00:16:17,655
Like that, like that.
"Ah, fuck off."
306
00:16:17,656 --> 00:16:20,415
Boys at school used to do that,
didn't they? I used to hate that.
307
00:16:20,417 --> 00:16:23,056
Were you a flicker or were you...?
I was a flicker and a flickee.
308
00:16:23,059 --> 00:16:25,258
I was neither, but I watched
at the side
309
00:16:25,259 --> 00:16:27,178
and I saw the flickers and I felt...
310
00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:30,859
I felt what they were doing was wrong
and I felt sympathy for the flicked.
311
00:16:30,861 --> 00:16:32,260
And the afflicted?
312
00:16:32,262 --> 00:16:33,781
For the afflicted, yes.
313
00:16:33,783 --> 00:16:36,222
No, I got in there, you know,
and I was, you know.
314
00:16:36,223 --> 00:16:40,262
Oh, yeah, you saw injustice
and you went in to sort it out.
315
00:16:40,265 --> 00:16:42,824
I did, you know. All right.
316
00:16:42,826 --> 00:16:45,625
Did you front a campaign
called Flicked Off?
317
00:16:45,626 --> 00:16:48,186
Protecting the victims of flicking.
318
00:16:55,991 --> 00:16:57,511
Grazie.
Prego.
319
00:16:59,272 --> 00:17:00,391
Hello.
320
00:17:00,393 --> 00:17:02,192
Hey, how's it going?
321
00:17:02,193 --> 00:17:05,352
Great, great, we're a bit... Well,
it's all right, we're a bit lost.
322
00:17:05,354 --> 00:17:07,633
Oh, dear, well,
I'm sorry to hear that.
323
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:10,834
I'm just calling to remind you
that I'm coming out tomorrow.
324
00:17:10,837 --> 00:17:12,636
Oh, great, that's good.
325
00:17:12,637 --> 00:17:14,636
With Yolanda, the photographer.
326
00:17:14,638 --> 00:17:16,997
What, the same photographer
as last time?
327
00:17:16,999 --> 00:17:20,158
Yeah, yeah. Is that OK?
328
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,959
Well, who booked her?
329
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,199
I don't know, I think it was
the Observer.
330
00:17:24,201 --> 00:17:27,360
Is that a problem? Because I can
always try to change it.
331
00:17:27,362 --> 00:17:29,201
No, no, that would be rude.
332
00:17:29,204 --> 00:17:31,083
I'm sure it'll be fine.
333
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:33,283
All right, great... for you.
334
00:17:33,285 --> 00:17:36,644
All right, well, listen,
I'll see you tomorrow.
335
00:17:36,647 --> 00:17:39,407
Can't wait.
All right, lovey. Take care, ta-ra.
336
00:17:44,529 --> 00:17:47,368
So our photographer
who's coming tomorrow
337
00:17:47,371 --> 00:17:50,370
is the same one we had last time.
338
00:17:50,372 --> 00:17:52,851
Really?
Yeah. Yolanda.
339
00:17:52,853 --> 00:17:54,612
The one you slept with?
340
00:17:54,613 --> 00:17:56,012
Yeah.
341
00:17:56,014 --> 00:17:58,133
Is that going to be awkward?
342
00:17:58,135 --> 00:17:59,734
Be interesting.
343
00:17:59,735 --> 00:18:01,375
How do you do it?
344
00:18:03,097 --> 00:18:05,216
Just take your trousers off...
345
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:08,056
Serious question.
And your underpants, socks optional.
346
00:18:08,058 --> 00:18:10,817
I'm seriously asking you,
how do you do it?
347
00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:13,739
It's reputation.
You're famous?
348
00:18:13,741 --> 00:18:18,220
No, although I don't see any reason
to not use everything
349
00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:19,742
you've got in your arsenal.
350
00:18:19,743 --> 00:18:22,502
People say, "Oh, she only slept
with you because you're famous."
351
00:18:22,504 --> 00:18:26,023
And you say, "They only slept with
you because you're good looking and young."
352
00:18:26,025 --> 00:18:29,184
They sleep with me because of
my semi-justified reputation
353
00:18:29,187 --> 00:18:30,746
for being something of a Lothario.
354
00:18:30,747 --> 00:18:34,906
But it was the same with
Byron and Shelley, Casanova.
355
00:18:34,909 --> 00:18:38,588
Byron said he felt like he was 60
because he'd had so many affairs,
356
00:18:38,590 --> 00:18:41,509
36 when he died.
Yeah, well, he's still...
357
00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:43,590
Ten years younger than us, and a bit.
358
00:18:43,592 --> 00:18:47,991
So we are more than ten years
older than him now
359
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:52,153
when he was complaining
about how old he felt.
360
00:18:52,155 --> 00:18:54,194
We're ten years ahead of that.
361
00:18:54,196 --> 00:18:56,355
His girlfriend was still
half his age.
362
00:18:56,357 --> 00:19:00,596
When he was in pieces, Shelley
fell in love with a 17-year-old.
363
00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:02,679
She was only 17.
364
00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:07,399
AS MICHAEL CAINE: She was only,
she was only 16 years old.
365
00:19:07,401 --> 00:19:10,440
AS MICHAEL CAINE: No, she was
only 17 years old.
366
00:19:10,443 --> 00:19:11,962
Sounds good.
367
00:19:11,963 --> 00:19:13,442
Do you miss Misha?
368
00:19:13,443 --> 00:19:16,042
Misha was in her mid-20s,
you know that, don't you?
369
00:19:16,045 --> 00:19:17,484
Yeah, I'm saying she's younger.
370
00:19:17,485 --> 00:19:19,764
But it's not like a connection
with the 17-year-old.
371
00:19:19,766 --> 00:19:22,045
No, I was trying to ask you
a serious question
372
00:19:22,047 --> 00:19:24,407
in a sensitive way.
Do you miss her?
373
00:19:26,849 --> 00:19:28,289
Yes.
374
00:19:29,770 --> 00:19:33,129
She's the last chance I had
to have a real, you know...
375
00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:37,050
We came together through
our mutual enthusiasm
376
00:19:37,053 --> 00:19:42,212
for sexual intercourse,
and that could easily have evolved
377
00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:46,493
into a family and children and
growing old but...
378
00:19:46,496 --> 00:19:48,576
it was not to be.
379
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:53,618
I try not to think about it really,
otherwise I get depressed.
380
00:19:55,099 --> 00:19:57,698
What's the optimum age for a woman,
for a man's partner?
381
00:19:57,701 --> 00:20:02,060
We'll age.
Most men, mid-20s. 26, maybe?
382
00:20:02,063 --> 00:20:06,342
You know, old enough to be a woman
and have a rounded view of life,
383
00:20:06,344 --> 00:20:09,783
but young enough not to have
acquired baggage
384
00:20:09,785 --> 00:20:12,624
that they then off load onto you.
385
00:20:12,627 --> 00:20:16,066
As I grow older, I've looked
at a photo album the other day,
386
00:20:16,067 --> 00:20:19,866
as I get older in the pictures,
my girlfriend stays the same age.
387
00:20:19,869 --> 00:20:22,829
They're like Doctor Whos,
they just keep changing.
388
00:20:26,151 --> 00:20:28,990
Would you like to drive,
because I've had a lot to drink.
389
00:20:28,992 --> 00:20:30,711
I will drive because I...
390
00:20:30,713 --> 00:20:33,152
But would you drive in an orderly
manner, not as if
391
00:20:33,154 --> 00:20:36,233
you're Emerson Fittipaldi taking
part in the Paris-Dakar Rally
392
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:40,275
and not instructing me on how
you change down before a corner.
393
00:20:40,277 --> 00:20:43,076
I will neither drive like
Emerson Fittipaldi,
394
00:20:43,078 --> 00:20:45,957
neither will I drive
like a district nurse.
395
00:20:45,959 --> 00:20:48,119
I will drive briskly but safely.
396
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,359
How do you rate the wild boar?
397
00:20:51,361 --> 00:20:53,080
Very nice, quite aggressive.
398
00:20:53,082 --> 00:20:55,201
An aggressive meat.
399
00:20:55,203 --> 00:20:57,122
They come at you.
Yeah.
400
00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:59,802
Once they're on the plate,
you're safe, I think, as a rule.
401
00:20:59,804 --> 00:21:01,323
Grazie.
402
00:21:01,325 --> 00:21:03,565
I'll get this, Steve, please.
403
00:21:05,246 --> 00:21:08,005
It's time to play, Guess The Amount.
404
00:21:08,008 --> 00:21:09,807
Contestant today is Steve Coogan.
405
00:21:09,808 --> 00:21:11,807
The Observer's picking
up the tab.
406
00:21:11,809 --> 00:21:12,968
Yeah, all right.
407
00:21:12,969 --> 00:21:15,728
Steve comes from the town of Pedantry
in the North of England.
408
00:21:15,731 --> 00:21:20,290
Steve, is the amount,
A - 76.50 euro,
409
00:21:20,292 --> 00:21:22,691
B - 350 euro,
410
00:21:22,693 --> 00:21:26,652
or C - 2,475,000 euro.
411
00:21:26,654 --> 00:21:29,453
Remember, Steve I can only take
your first answer.
412
00:21:29,456 --> 00:21:31,095
A.
413
00:21:31,096 --> 00:21:33,975
Is the right answer, you're going
home richer, well done.
414
00:21:33,977 --> 00:21:35,296
Good night, everybody.
415
00:21:35,298 --> 00:21:38,897
That's good. That's the wine
as well, everything in there.
416
00:21:38,900 --> 00:21:42,059
But it is in the middle of nowhere,
you know what I mean? Yes, I know.
417
00:21:42,061 --> 00:21:44,900
Factor in taxi fares,
it would be 300 euro.
418
00:21:44,901 --> 00:21:47,500
("You Oughta Know"
by Alanis Morissette plays)
419
00:21:47,503 --> 00:21:49,702
ROB SINGING ALONG:
Is she perverted like me?
420
00:21:49,704 --> 00:21:53,063
? Would she go down on you
in a theatre? ?
421
00:21:53,065 --> 00:21:56,384
You're stretching all the vowel
sounds out. It's very staccato.
422
00:21:56,387 --> 00:21:58,306
"Du, du, du, du, du, du,"
423
00:21:58,307 --> 00:22:00,626
you're doing,
"da, da, de da, de da."
424
00:22:00,628 --> 00:22:02,347
Oh, I'm sorry!
425
00:22:02,348 --> 00:22:04,987
"La, la, la." Her whole thing
is anger.
426
00:22:04,989 --> 00:22:08,268
Anger comes out like a machine gun,
a rapid "da, da, da, da."
427
00:22:08,270 --> 00:22:10,989
Our new coach on the voice,
Steve Coogan.
428
00:22:10,992 --> 00:22:15,391
If you've never been angry because
a man has dumped you, because...
429
00:22:15,394 --> 00:22:19,353
Well, of course I have.
How can you be so insensitive?
430
00:22:19,355 --> 00:22:22,634
Of course I have,
and I think you know who he was.
431
00:22:22,636 --> 00:22:23,955
Well, channel it. Channel it.
432
00:22:23,957 --> 00:22:26,876
I think you know only too well
which incident I'm referring to.
433
00:22:26,878 --> 00:22:28,797
Look me in the eye
and tell me you don't.
434
00:22:28,798 --> 00:22:32,677
It's not fair to deny me
435
00:22:32,681 --> 00:22:37,240
STEVE AS ROGER MOORE:
And I'm here to remind you
436
00:22:37,242 --> 00:22:41,441
Of the mess you left
when you went away
437
00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:45,242
? It's not fair to remind you... ?
438
00:22:45,245 --> 00:22:48,604
Roger Moore sings the very best
of Alanis Morissette,
439
00:22:48,607 --> 00:22:50,846
including You Oughta Know.
440
00:22:50,848 --> 00:22:54,687
You seem very calm
441
00:22:54,689 --> 00:22:58,448
? Things seem peaceful now... ?
442
00:22:58,450 --> 00:23:01,250
Oh, like being at home.
443
00:23:02,691 --> 00:23:04,171
Like all your fans.
444
00:23:06,253 --> 00:23:09,292
ROB SINGS: Cos the love that you
gave that we made wasn't able
445
00:23:09,294 --> 00:23:12,573
To make it enough for you
to be open wide
446
00:23:12,575 --> 00:23:14,614
? Open wide! ?
447
00:23:14,616 --> 00:23:17,415
She doesn't say open wide
again like that, ever.
448
00:23:17,418 --> 00:23:18,737
? Open wide. ?
449
00:23:18,737 --> 00:23:21,256
Could we sing it
without you correcting me?
450
00:23:21,259 --> 00:23:23,738
But you're still alive
451
00:23:23,740 --> 00:23:26,259
And I'm here
452
00:23:26,260 --> 00:23:28,179
To remind you
453
00:23:28,182 --> 00:23:32,461
of the mess you left
when you went away
454
00:23:32,463 --> 00:23:34,902
It's not fair
455
00:23:34,904 --> 00:23:36,983
To deny me
456
00:23:36,984 --> 00:23:39,503
? Of the cross I bear... ?
457
00:23:39,506 --> 00:23:41,825
Wow, look at that.
Isn't that beautiful?
458
00:23:41,827 --> 00:23:44,427
Yeah.
459
00:23:45,788 --> 00:23:50,187
So you have reserved the Duke
of Genoa suite and Napoleon suite.
460
00:23:50,190 --> 00:23:51,589
Which is bigger?
461
00:23:51,591 --> 00:23:53,110
Oh, both are very nice.
462
00:23:53,111 --> 00:23:56,230
Yeah.
I think I should have the Napoleon.
463
00:23:56,232 --> 00:23:59,272
If it's based on height.
Or complex.
464
00:24:01,034 --> 00:24:02,473
This is your sitting room.
465
00:24:02,474 --> 00:24:03,714
Right.
466
00:24:04,835 --> 00:24:06,475
And this is your bedroom.
467
00:24:08,957 --> 00:24:11,476
You have a beautiful view.
468
00:24:11,478 --> 00:24:16,077
Wow, that is... stunning.
469
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:19,279
I'm going to show
your friend his room.
470
00:24:19,281 --> 00:24:22,080
OK, of course, yeah.
471
00:24:22,082 --> 00:24:25,121
I like your uniform.
You look like an air stewardess.
472
00:24:25,123 --> 00:24:28,483
That's, that's... in a good way.
473
00:24:33,726 --> 00:24:35,206
And this is your room.
474
00:24:36,368 --> 00:24:37,527
Amazing.
475
00:24:37,528 --> 00:24:39,327
Yes, it's my favourite room.
476
00:24:39,329 --> 00:24:40,289
Yeah, I'll bet.
477
00:24:57,015 --> 00:24:59,054
Hi, Rob, it's Donna.
478
00:24:59,056 --> 00:25:03,015
I'm just calling to check you got
my e-mail with the script pages?
479
00:25:03,018 --> 00:25:06,377
No, I haven't. What is it?
What's the part?
480
00:25:06,379 --> 00:25:09,218
It's a really good part.
It's a supporting role,
481
00:25:09,220 --> 00:25:12,099
but you're going to be great in it
because it's very sympathetic
482
00:25:12,101 --> 00:25:14,660
and people will love you in it,
really.
483
00:25:14,662 --> 00:25:16,981
You'll be playing
an accountant for the Mob.
484
00:25:16,983 --> 00:25:19,262
Oh, brilliant, all right. Comedy?
485
00:25:19,264 --> 00:25:21,783
No, it's a thriller.
486
00:25:21,785 --> 00:25:23,704
Really, why me?
487
00:25:23,705 --> 00:25:27,704
You're perfect for the part.
You look like an accountant,
488
00:25:27,708 --> 00:25:31,467
and also you're totally unknown
in America, which is what they want.
489
00:25:31,469 --> 00:25:33,508
Yes, very good.
490
00:25:33,509 --> 00:25:36,108
Yes, you've got to put yourself
on tape and e-mail me.
491
00:25:36,111 --> 00:25:39,310
Yeah, I can do that.
I can have it with you by tomorrow.
492
00:25:39,312 --> 00:25:41,631
Oh, this is good news,
this is exciting.
493
00:25:41,633 --> 00:25:44,552
It is. It is exciting, yeah.
How's Steve?
494
00:25:44,554 --> 00:25:47,473
He's fine, he's fine.
He's a bit pissed off
495
00:25:47,475 --> 00:25:51,555
about the show ending, but other than
that, you know, same as ever.
496
00:26:05,441 --> 00:26:07,000
Che bella palazzo.
497
00:26:07,002 --> 00:26:11,242
It's the sort of place
that Byron would have rented.
498
00:26:13,845 --> 00:26:16,404
Ciao, buonasera.
499
00:26:16,406 --> 00:26:17,885
Buonasera. Buonasera.
500
00:26:17,887 --> 00:26:20,126
She's got a lovely gait.
501
00:26:20,128 --> 00:26:22,128
Probably padlocked.
502
00:26:24,169 --> 00:26:25,328
Oh, yes.
503
00:26:25,330 --> 00:26:30,169
There's very little separating
Byron from Brydon.
504
00:26:30,171 --> 00:26:32,491
Yeah.
Just a D. That's all there is.
505
00:26:34,453 --> 00:26:37,732
Yeah, but the almost anagram
of your names
506
00:26:37,734 --> 00:26:41,093
is the only thing that you would
have shared, isn't it,
507
00:26:41,095 --> 00:26:45,174
because what Byron represented
is probably the antithesis of you,
508
00:26:45,177 --> 00:26:48,776
because he was shaking the tree
from the word go,
509
00:26:48,779 --> 00:26:53,018
until when he popped his clogs,
and that ain't you, mate. And...
510
00:26:53,020 --> 00:26:56,939
I'm not a risk taker. I'll admit
that, although I have played Risk.
511
00:26:56,941 --> 00:26:58,900
And he's a good swimmer.
512
00:26:58,902 --> 00:27:00,461
Again, yeah, yeah.
513
00:27:00,463 --> 00:27:03,742
He struggled with his weight
when he was in Italy,
514
00:27:03,744 --> 00:27:05,983
not many people know that about him,
he was a bloater.
515
00:27:05,985 --> 00:27:09,104
OK, so maybe now, Rob, we're finding
something more solid.
516
00:27:09,106 --> 00:27:12,385
Like him,
I am fighting the Carbonara.
517
00:27:12,388 --> 00:27:13,547
Oh, this is lovely.
518
00:27:13,548 --> 00:27:16,828
You could sit here for a good seven
or eight minutes more.
519
00:27:18,910 --> 00:27:23,950
("Go No More A-Roving"
by Leonard Cohen plays)
520
00:27:29,954 --> 00:27:32,913
AS AL PACINO: You know when
I imagined where we'd be,
521
00:27:32,915 --> 00:27:35,154
ten years ago, this is it.
522
00:27:35,156 --> 00:27:40,675
When I imagined where we'd be,
ten years ago,
523
00:27:40,678 --> 00:27:43,997
this is what I wanted.
524
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,399
AS DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I love you.
I love this city, I love this house.
525
00:27:47,401 --> 00:27:51,240
AS MARLON BRANDO: Now when I imagined
where we'd be, ten years ago,
526
00:27:51,242 --> 00:27:53,521
this is what I wanted.
527
00:27:53,523 --> 00:27:55,962
You know. You know.
528
00:27:55,964 --> 00:28:02,404
IN VARIOUS VOICES: You know.
You know. You know.
529
00:28:09,529 --> 00:28:12,688
AS WOODY ALLEN: There's too much
going on, I can't just close the door
530
00:28:12,690 --> 00:28:16,930
and leave it behind, you know.
My head has to be out there.
531
00:28:21,774 --> 00:28:25,093
IN SIGMUND FREUD VOICE: I think it is
very unlikely you'll get this part
532
00:28:25,096 --> 00:28:28,175
and you have to come to terms with
it I'm afraid, it's very unlikely.
533
00:28:28,177 --> 00:28:29,336
I know.
534
00:28:29,337 --> 00:28:31,176
Well, why you bother then?
535
00:28:31,178 --> 00:28:32,937
Oh, you know, give it a go.
536
00:28:32,938 --> 00:28:34,857
But I think it's very unlikely.
537
00:28:34,859 --> 00:28:36,338
I know.
538
00:28:36,340 --> 00:28:38,579
Then why are you doing it?
539
00:28:38,581 --> 00:28:40,981
AS SEAN CONNERY: Why are you
doing it, you fucking idiot?
540
00:28:43,063 --> 00:28:44,862
Because I think I might get it.
541
00:28:44,863 --> 00:28:47,182
I think it's very unlikely
that you'll get it.
542
00:28:47,184 --> 00:28:48,823
Why?
543
00:28:48,824 --> 00:28:51,823
Because you are an inferior talent.
544
00:28:51,826 --> 00:28:53,585
Really? You think so.
545
00:28:53,586 --> 00:28:55,385
Yes, I do.
546
00:28:55,387 --> 00:28:57,266
Well, I can hardly hear you.
547
00:28:57,267 --> 00:28:58,786
Why is that?
548
00:28:58,788 --> 00:29:02,027
Because your head is up
your fucking arse.
549
00:29:03,645 --> 00:29:08,444
The night was made for loving
550
00:29:08,445 --> 00:29:14,964
And the day returns too soon
551
00:29:14,965 --> 00:29:21,124
Yet we'll go no more a-roving
552
00:29:21,125 --> 00:29:26,684
by the light of the moon
553
00:29:26,685 --> 00:29:30,445
? We'll go no more a-roving... ?
554
00:29:30,495 --> 00:29:35,045
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