Original subtitles

Hi, my name is Katrina Collins.

I live in Portland

and I think I'd be the ideal candidate

to be on the next season of

the Real World.

Hi, my name is Katrina Collins

I live in Portland

and I think I'd be the ideal candidate

to be on the next season of

the Real World

I've been watching the show

ever since I was a kid.

And its always felt like I'm watching

an exact replica of my own life.

Sort of like a dramatic reenactment

except instead of actors

playing the role of famous people

is real people

playing the role of me.

I work at a dog shelter, taking care of dogs

and I have a boyfriend named Brian

who I've been dating for five years

and I'm totally crazy about.

...Fifty-six...

Y'know, I just don't understand what they

need this information for.

And besides, don't you think

they could call around and just ask the stores

how many different brands of milk they carry?

Its like the fact that somebody would decide

"Hey, we need to hire somebody

to drive all around town

to count milk jugs for us," pretty much

explains how screwed up the world is.

I guess its better than that stupid

office job they had me doing last month.

All I did there was make copies

for twenty hours straight.

And the machine broke down every ten minutes.

That's why my hands

still smell like that ink loner.

Hey, thanks again for letting me

use the car.

- Oh, you're welcome Eli.

- So I don't think it will take

as long tomorrow.

- I hope not Eli.

- Um, I'll be by about 9

if you wanna come.

- Well, I'll see how Heel.

- Alright.

Alright, well thanks for today.

- My pleasure.

Hey, you want to come in the house?

I want to show you a new setup I got

for the soap films

I discovered

that the best light source

for the soap films

is the sun.

And this room

has the best light in the house

So...

Come over here

You put that into there.

And then you go over there.

And you edit it.

- And the camera here...

sends the image through these cables

over there.

Really cool.

I hope you don't plan on using

the sink anytime soon.

- Do you want to

turn that light oh'?

- Sure

- Look at that.

- Whoa

All this from reflections of a bubble...

- That's right

- You have one unheard message

First message sent

today at 1:18pm

- A free DVR

- If you don't know what a DVR is

press 1 on your phone

and a rep will tell you all about it.

Its awesome technology

that will change the way you watch TV.

Basically, if you still have a

cable provider-.

- Breaking hearts...

Breaking Hearts

someone has to be sent home.

Hi girls

We've had a long journey

but unfortunately I only have

two roses left.

Clarissa

We've had some really good times

like our trip on the yacht.

Or our long walks

on the candle-lit beach

So this one is easy,

you get a rose...

Megan...

you know how special you are to me

and I want to keep the specialness

going for as long as it can.

And each day, I feel that

we get connected stronger and stronger

So this last rose...

This last rose is for you Megan

- I just can't believe this

I thought what we had was real

I felt it

And I thought he felt it, too.

I was ready to spend the rest of

my life with him.

I just don't understand.

- Stay tuned for scenes from next week's

episode of...

"The Single Guy."

- Okay, so...

Check this out-

I've figured out how to eat out

for every meal of the day

for less than six bucks total.

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Okay, so...

For breakfast,

all you really need is cofiee, right?

So you just...

...head over to stumptown.

Get the bottomless cup.

By your second cup of coffee,

you've pretty much forgotten about eating

breakfast.

And they're cool there, you can pretty much

hang out as long as you want.

And then for lunch, go over to the

Happy Monday Thai Buffet.

Get the lunch special #3, for $3.25.

And the lunch special #3 I'm pretty sure

is actually like...

the leftovers from the previous day's

lunch special No.1

But, good things come to those who wait

my friend.

Now, the best place for dinner is

you go to La Sirenita

and you get the soft tostada.

It's $1.75, and its huge.

Totally fills you up, and you're done.

Less than six bucks.

And on the weekends,

you can hit the Natural Food store

and get all those free samples

that they give out.

You can kill like one meal right there.

- I've, ah.

Got a razor blade that I've

gotten over 2,000 shaves with it.

I've been thinking about sending it in to

the Guiness Book of World Records

- Okay, now, what?

- Well, you know

a shaver.

One of them, one of them...

double-bladed things

- The old-fashioned kind --

I think its a Bick.

- Yeah

I've been using it now

for six years

and I've never had to sharpen it.

- That's pretty cool, Otis.

- Yeah

- This depression ain't gonna have any impact

OH US.

- Good god, that's a lot of fucking milk.

The freshest milk is always in the back.

- Excuse me

Can I help you?

Help me?

Not unless you can tell me how many

quarts, gallons, half-gallons

of Dairy-Gold Sunshine

and Happy Cow Milk you have in your case.

Um...

Can I ask you to wait here for

just a moment?

- Yeah, sure - Thanks.

- Hello, there. Excuse me.

Can I, ah, help you with anything?

- Not unless you can tell me how many

cartons of milk you have in your dairy case today.

- And why do you need to know

how many cartons of milk are in there?

- That's an excellent question.

I really have no idea why.

It makes no sense, but

they don't pay me to ask questions, so...

- Are you with the health board, because

I didn't get a notice you were coming.

No sir, my name is Eli

I'm with manforce.

They sent me last year to be the Easter Bunny

and now they've sent me to count the milk.

- That was you?

- I'm gonna have to ask you to leave

the building immediately.

Oh...

it looks like your pen is leaking.

- That's old, actually.

I don't know when that happened.

Months ago maybe.

- Come on, let's go.

- Dear Katrina Collins,

Congratulations.

We would like to invite you

to participate in our workshops

and audition for several new

reality television programs.

Please come to the Beaverton Town Mall

on Wednesday, October 15th

for your chance to join our team

and audition for some of the best

and most exciting reality television shows

being produced today.

Bring a copy of your most recent

headshois, video audition tapes, and resumes

as we will be offering critiques

and analysis on how you

can improve your auditioning skills

and become a better reality TV participant

We look forward to meeting you.

Sincerely, Joe Prescott.

President, Talent Services America

Awesome, I better get started.

Okay, I'm gonna need some supplies.

- Come in.

- Hi, uh, hi.

Mr. Bear?

I'm sorry to bother you, but

something was donated

that I...l...

I don't think was meant to be donated.

- Another stash of money?

- No, um.

Its, its a little girl.

- What?

- Well, um, I mean --

- What is that?

- Its the ashes of a little girl.

- Where did it come from?

- I just found it, I don't know what

to do with it.

- Well, who knows? I guess we have to

do something about it.

- Its someone's child.

- Hi, this is Tom Bear at the East Side

Recieving Center.

We found something in our donations today

that we are unsure of what to do with.

- Well, it appears to be a cremation urn with

a person's remains in it.

Yes. Ashes.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

Hi, Mr. Bradshaw, this is --

Oh, I see.

Okay.

Thank you very much.

They say we should contact the police

and let them know

and wait to see if someone comes to claim it.

- Where, where do we keep it?

- I suppose you could put it just right there.

If it were donated on accident

then the owner will track it down.

They probably just don't realize

what they did.

I'll call the police and report it.

I'll tell them.

- Hey, this is Brian. Leave me a message.

- Hey, where are you?

Why aren't you calling me back?

- Hi, this is Brian...

- Have a nice day.

People I swear...

Honey, are you okay?

You look terrible.

- I'm okay, I didn't sleep very well last night.

Um, do you know what the story is with

the new dog in pod 14?

- Oh, the poor thing.

Someone just dumped him here Sunday night.

Tied up to the front door.

He's in bad shape.

Are you sure you're okay?

I don't know.

I love you so much.

- I'm excited to meet your grandma.

- Yeah, she's excited to meet you, too.

Wait...

Isn't she... I can't remember if...

- The phone's ringing...

Aren't you going to answer it?

Yeah. Where is the phone?

Where's the phone?

Where are my pants?

- Hello?

- Eli...

The phone. Do you wanna get it?

- What?

- The telephone. I think its Manforce,

do you want to get it?

- Yeah, hold on.

- The company is called Metro Estate Movers

and their office is at:

822 Southeast Water Street.

Your contact there is Noel.

- Okay. Noel.

822 Southeast Water.

Alright, I'll head right over.

- Have a good day at work!

- Thank you.

-822 Southeast --

-228, 467

-822 Southeast Water Street

- Man, with all this temping

its almost like you have a real job.

- Yeah and it totally sucks, too.

- Aw. So much for your theory

of the unemployed blissful life style.

- Yeah, well these student loan people

are starting to circle like sharks.

Its starting to look like I might

need to do something with my life.

- Like temping?

- That's harsh, Aubrey.

No, I want to be a subtitute teacher.

But I can't get my teaching certificate

until I get my degree.

I can't go back to school until

I get this debt payed off.

- Sounds like a viscious cycle.

- Totally.

- If only Chloey would get me a

production assistant job on one of her film shoots.

- Wouldn't that go against your

anti-corporate stance?

After all the crap you've given me

about working for the evil corporate

media machine?

- These debt collectors are making me

rethink the whole anti-corporate thing.

Or...

Maybe I can just work on commercials

for bikes.

Or community gardening centers or something.

- Yeah...

When's the last time you saw a community

gardening commercial?

- Well, even if they made those

I doubt they'd be the jobs that pay

20 bucks an hour

What am I saying?

As if I'll ever make 20 bucks an hour.

Shit, now watch... I'm gonna be late

for my 9-dollar-an-hour furniture moving job.

- Hey, its your turn to take out the

recyclables this week.

And I should have the bills figured out

in the next day or two.

And tell mystery roommate if you

see her too.

Oh nice. Good work.

- Dude, I've got money to lose. Absolutely.

Correction, I have money to win.

Thank you very much.

- Is this Metro State Movers?

- Yeah, just hang on for a minute.

Yeah, I'm game if you are!

Yeah, I got chips

No, actual betting chips.

I'll bring some doritos, too. I don't care. Fuck it.

Chips and chicks man, that's what I'm telling you.

Beer and bitches. Can't go wrong.

- Hey, is this a good place to park?

- Sure

- What's wrong with that?

I don't care how old they are --

alright, that's a lie, nevermind...

Alright man, I'll call you back.

Yeah, Hall & Oates just showed up.

Yeah, I'll call you back. Later.

Classic.

Let's go.

You're driving, you have a license, right?

- Yeah

Alright ladies, file in.

- Yeah? Come in.

- Hi Mr. Bear. I'm sorry to bother you, but

has anyone called about the urn?

No, I haven't heard anything yet, but

I talked to someone at the police department

and they put a notice in their

lost and found department.

So I'm sure someone will call soon.

- What will we do if no one comes for it?

- I don't think you have to worry yourself

about that.

Its been reported.

Alright ladies, here's the deal -

We're going to clear everything out of this

house today.

And we're gonna do it in two stages.

First, I'm going to go through everything

and mark all the good stuff with a sticker.

This is the stuff we're going to keep.

It should be packed up carefully.

Once we have the good stuff packed up,

we'll get the rest of the shit loaded

and get the fuck out of here.

There are boxes and packing supplies

in the back of the truck, so why don't

you guys open it up, and bring that stuff in.

K?

Then go ahead and get that piece of shit

out of here.

- Whoa, dude.

Shouldn't we warm up or something

before we lift this?

- Come on, princess. We got all day

to warm up.

- Alright

- So how long you been working with this guy?

- Well, I got there two minutes before you, so

- So you're with Manforce?

Well, I hate to think of it in terms of

being "with" Manforce, but

yeah, that's who called me this morning

and turned me on to this englightening

experience.

- Oh yeah? Whatever, dude.

Whenever you're ready there, we can do this.

- My name's Eli, by the way.

- Dale.

- Pleasure

- So what do we do with this stuff?

- Either throw it away, or give it to charity.

If its not obviously trash,

put it in a box

and write "donation" on it.

- Okay, and the dirty dishes...

I mean, do you want to wash them

or throw them out?

- No. Fuck.

Just throw them in the donation box.

They don't care if its dirty.

Besides, they hire retarded people to

clean this stuff.

Don't throw anything away you don't have to.

It costs money to take shit to the dump.

But donating shit to charity is tax deductible

- So what's the deal? Who left all this

stuff here anyway?

- Some old lady's house who just died.

Daughter lives in LA and doesn't have time

to deal with it.

What about stufi with red stickers then?

I sell them.

On ebay. I make a killing.

I don't make dick on the furniture removal.

I underbid everyone else, just so I can

get to the stuff first.

- So you're the reason there's nothing cool

at the thrift stores any more?

So...

Why do you work temp labor jobs?

I mean, I've never been able to figure

out why anybody would want to do this.

- I don't know.

I think I've been having a hard time

committing to anything.

- Shit, I know how that is.

But with me - its women

There's just too many of them.

Probably one of them now.

This dipshit...

What's up dickweed?

Haha, no, man I'm moving a house today

Yeah, man, totally bummed.

Hey sounds good, bring the babes.

Bitches and hoes, you know how I roll.

Oh nice!

Dude, I just found the old lady's

liquor cabinet.

Looks like this is going to be a

fun weekend.

Hey, hand me one of those boxes.

Hell yeah, but I ain't sharing with you bitch.

Yeah, because you're a fucking lightweight?

Haha

Yeah, keep dreaming.

Damn, I think granny liked drinking, huh?

Fucking alcoholic bitch.

Good for her.

Alright, leave this here. Don't touch it.

Start cleaning out the fridge, just

throw everything in a big trashbag

I'm going to start going through this bitch's clothes

Start working on the bathroom when you're

done with the fridge.

Don't you touch that fucking liquor.

I don't want that shit on my truck.

Just leave it on the curb.

Where's your little boyfriend?

Huh?

- That other dude, is he inside taking a shit

or something?

- I don't know, I thought he was out

here on the truck.

- That shithead.

He's probably inside jerking off or something.

YO!

Dude, we got work to do, what the fuck!

Dude, you better not be sleeping on the job.

- I think his name's Dale.

I don't give a flying fuck!

Oh, God fucking damnit!

Goddamn Fuck.

Jesus Fucking Christ!

Dale, where the fuck are you?

Dale!

Fuck!

Fucking prick.

Dale, where the fuck are you?

Jesus titty fucking Christ!

Fucking damnit!

Dale, where the fuck are you?

God!

I'm not paying shit, your man just

stole my property and vanished.

No, I didn't give it to him, he just

snuck off with a box full of liquor.

I don't know where the hell he went!

Manforce, more like shitforce.

Do you have anyone working there

who's not a complete fuck up?

I have no problem coming down there right now.

No, fuck you!

- Every now and then I get a little bit lonely

and you never come around

- Every now and then I get a little bit tired

listening to the sound of my tears

Every now and then I get a little bit

nen/ous that the best of all the years

have gone by.

Every now and then I get a little bit

terrified and then I see the look in your eyes.

Every now and then I fall apart.

Every now and then I fall apart

and I need you more tonight

yeah, I need you more than ever.

If you only hold me tight

we'll be holding on forever.

Yeah, we'll always be making it right

we can never be wrong

together we can make it to the end

of the line

Your love is like a shadow on me

all the time

Need you tonight.

Always in the dark,

we're living in a powder cake and giving off

sparks

I really need you tonight.

Forever's going to start tonight...

Forever's going to start to...

Once upon a time I was falling in love

Now I'm only falling apart...

Nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart

- Judy, hey, Its Katrina

I'm looking at today's paperwork and it says

that Buster is on the unadoptable list.

Is this a mistake?

Yeah, dog C57

But it must be a mistake.

Buster's the sweetest dog here.

Everybody loves Buster.

I know, I know... Really,

Buster's different.

He really is the best dog here.

Please you have to take him off the list.

Fine.

We have to get you adopted Buster.

- Now I don't know how much longer

I can handle this temping.

Why don't you get me a PA job?

I mean it seems a whole lot like temping

just better pay and less crazy people.

- I've told you you need a car to be a PA.

- And I have Otis's car

- Yeah, I can't really imagine a producer

being impressed with a PA who's driving

his grandpa around everywhere.

Or step-grandpa, whatever he is...

Being a PA is a lot of work

Its really stressful.

If there's one thing you've made clear

its that you don't like working.

- Well, I suppose I can't argue with that.

I still think this whole "have to

have a car" thing is kind of fascist, though

Y'know I just need to make some money

so I can go back to school

This working stufi is killing me.

So where's Aubrey?

I know you didn't plan this meal for me.

We got in a big fight last night.

And now she's giving me the silent

treatment.

She totally freaked out about my

new Myspace persona.

- Don't you guys have like 80 of those?

- This one got her really jealous

for some reason.

You know how irrational she gets

sometimes.

I've been corresponding with this

one particular guy who's like a

45-year-old high school teacher

and he thinks I'm one of his students.

- Yeah, see Chloey, that is a little

fucked up.

- I know but

its like I've gotten addicted to performing

under a fake persona.

When I shed my identity I

can do anything.

- Yeah, actually, I know how that goes.

But for me its karaoke.

Diamond Dave on the mic.

Here I am...

Rock you like a hurricane

- When's the last time you actually sang karaoke?

Excluding all the times that you practice

in your bedroom, of course.

- What?

Are you stoned or something? I do not

practice karaoke in my bedroom.

- Whatever. I guess you just get so

swept up by the emotional power of

Total Eclipse of the Hean

you don't realize you're belting it out at

the top of your lungs.

- Total Eclipse of the Heart is one of

the most underrated songs of all time.

- I know, I know.

But seriously when is the last time

you actually went out and sang karaoke?

I go out. I go out and do karaoke

all the time.

Remember that night at the Alibi

when those girls tried to depants me?

I had the whole place singing along.

- Yeah, that was a good night for you.

But it was like two years ago.

Have you actually sang karaoke

since then? Publicly?

- Well, you know, I don't want to

wear out my audience or anything.

- Oh, yes. I can definitely see the

danger in that.

- I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Bear, but

Has there been any calls about Kelly?

Kelly?

- Well, um, you know, the urn.

The ashes of the little girl.

- Oh. No, no one's called.

You know, its possible the owner

passed away.

I wouldn't worry yourself about it.

Its been reported, so

let headquarters deal with it.

- Yes, Mr. Bear.

Crap

- That looks so good on you.

- You like it?

- Oh, I love it.

- I saw Brian today with his new girlfriend.

This all happened so fast.

I have to stop checking his e-mail.

I need to think of something else

and just get my mind off this.

I need to work on my audition video.

I need to stay focused on that.

- I found this sign for a missing urn

that someone at the thrift store found

At first I thought it was kind of funny

but now I just think its really sad...

I wonder how many urns get lost.

- I guess an urn is like a family

heirloom or something.

But I wouldn't want something like that

handed down to me.

Its a lot of responsibility having

an urn.

You can't just throw it away or

sell it at a garage sale or something

Maybe that's what happened with this one.

Maybe it was too much for someone

and it got too sad, and they had

to push it away.

I don't know

It'd be sad to be the person

in there.

Like some sad ghost that nobody wanted

around any more.

Kind of like the dogs on the

unadoptable list.

OK, Hold on a second.

Hey! Wake Up!

I got a job for you.

A P.A. job.

- What time is it?

- I got a P.A. job for you

Are you available tomorrow?

Just say "yes."

- Available?

Yeah, sure...

OK. I think he can do it.

I'll fill him in and call you back.

Alright, bye.

OK, check it out dude...

I got the perfect P.A. job

for you.

We're shooting a commercial

on the coast, on Friday

on the beach,

and the director just realized

that the look of the beach

is going to change all day

as the tide comes in.

So we need someone to go

out there and get footage of it

at various times throughout the day

and then bring the tapes back

so he can see it.

- OK, now... What is it?

- Sounds perfect, right?

You can even bring Otis along!

He can keep you company.

- OK, you want me to drive out to

the coast, and videotape a beach

all day?

- Yeah. A specific beach. But, yeah.

- And I get paid to do this?

- Yep. Standard rate. Two hundred a day.

- Two Hundred bucks?

- Yeah. And they'll even give you

gas money. And you can use

my camera.

- OK... So what's the commercial about?

Some life insurance company...

It's just going to be like a typical

American family hanging out on the beach

while some voiceover talks about

protecting the ones you love.

- Whoa...

This sounds like the sort of

fucked up shit I'm totally qualified to do.

- OK. good!

But this is for real, man.

You can't mess around.

It's my ass on the line.

You've got to be out there

really early. Like 7:00 a.m.

Come back when the sun sets,

and give me the tapes.

- OK.

- Are you positive you can

get Otis' car?

- Yeah. Probably.

I mean it's not like he has

anything else going on. So...

OK. I've got to go...

I'll see you tonight,

and I'll give you my camera.

- OK, cool.

- OK.

Hello, this is Chloe.

Otis, pick up the phone...

Crap.

Otis?

Otis...

Otis. It's me, Eli...

You left your front door unlocked again.

Otis?

Otis?

Otis.

Otis.

Otis.

Hey.

Well, hello there

- What are you doing back here?

- Well I was doing some recording

and this is the quietest place

in the house.

- Cool. What are you recording?

- I was doing a narration for the

soap film.

- Oh, cool...

- Yeah.

You uhh,

want to go in the kitchen?

- Sure.

- Look at these images

that I,

that I recorded yesterday.

They're amazing.

- Man...

- You know, the world of soap...

It's...

It's incredible.

That there are whole worlds

inside there.

That. That one there...

It's no bigger than a fingernail.

- Otis, it's really, really cool.

It looks great.

- So Katrina...

Why do you want to be

on a reality television show?

Well...

I guess when you're on

a reality T.V. show.

It just seems like

everything is more important

When somebody has a breakdown it's really

sad and dramatic.

And everybody feels really bad for the person

When you have a breakdown by yourself

it's just sad.

No one really notices

OF cares

I hear you've been going through

a difficult breakup

Would you like to talk about that?

It's been the worst experience of my life.

I went from being totally in love

to toally heartbroken

in a matter of hours.

I caught him cheating on me.

And how did you catch him

cheating on you?

I know the password to his email account

I figured it out by reading emails

that he sent to his best friend.

He has the same password for everything.

His emails, his MySpace,

his bank account.

I figured it out a long time ago,

but

I didn't make it a habit

of spying on him.

Just a couple times when he

was acting strange.

I guess I never really did trust him.

And are you still spying on him?

Yeah...

I guess so.

I know I shouldn't be

but I can't help it.

Why?

What is it that you hope to find?

I guess I just want to find some indiction

that he misses me,

that he feels bad and guilty,

and that he thinks he made a mistake.

And is that what you've found?

No.

It's been the exact opposite.

It's like,

being able to read somebody's mind,

but only finding out things that you

wish you didn't know about.

What is it that you want to do with your life?

Right now I just want to get out of my head.

I want to turn these thoughts off.

I can't stop thinking about this.

This is driving me crazy.

And is that why

you want to be on a reality T.V. show?

- Here we are, on the beach. 7:30 a.m.

Cold and misty here, on the beach.

Whew...

It's chilly out there man.

- I bet it is.

- OK, so if I have to go out there

every half hour...

That basically means,

8:05 I'll go back out.

- You know, your grandma and I

came here once.

Well, a whole bunch of us did,

from the center.

That was when they were doing those,

those "field trips."

- Wait, you came to this exact spot?

- Yeah.

I remember... I remember that rock.

- Which one? The big one?

- Yeah.

- Huh. You know, I think I actually

I think I remember her talking about that.

That trip.

- She loved to go out in the world.

- Oh she loved it. Any kind of road trip...

- Yeah.

- She was fun.

You look nice today, Otis.

That's a great suit you have on there.

- Oh, well...

Thank you, Eli.

I thought I should

look my best.

- So what's this?

- Oh it's the, uhh...

It's the soap film.

- Oh, yeah...

- So you finished it?

- I don't know whether it'll ever be finished,

but uhh, that's the sample.

- Cool.

- I was wondering...

Do you think we could...

give that to one of the people from the

film company?

Oh...

Y'know, its just us today.

Yeah, they're coming out on Friday to

do the commercial, but its just you

and me today.

You know, I could give that to Chloey though

and maybe she can pass it on to them.

.OkaV-

- Is that why you got all dressed up today, then?

- No, no...

-ls Chloey your girlfriend?

- No, nope. She's ah...

She's my roommate.

She got me this job though.

We're just friends.

- Do you uh...

Do you have a girlfriend now?

- No, I don't.

Why not?

- Well, I... y'know...

I think its just... Its hard to meet people.

Y'know?

And I have a bad habit of

falling in love with lesbians.

Lesbians?

- Yeah. You know, lesbians, like, um

women who like other women.

- Oh, right. Right. Lesbians.

- How about you?

Any new love interests?

- Oh...

No, no more for me.

Eli, I'm through dating.

- Yeah? I thought, ah,

there must be a lot of nice ladies at the

senior center.

Who would love to be your dance partner.

- I've loved two...

two amazing women in my life

I outlived both of them.

I can't go through that again.

- I'm sorry man, I was just..

I guess I was kidding or something...

- No, its okay.

- Y'know, when my grandpa died

I was so worried about my grandma.

Just...scared that she would be alone

and lonely...and sad for the rest of her life.

Y'know?

And then you came along and

you were so good to her.

I mean, you picked her up.

And made her so happy

you really took care of her.

- Y'know I've just always wanted to

thank you for that.

- It was good for both of us.

- We'd, we'd both been through the same

thing and...

well we

we helped each other get over it.

- Yeah.

- Hi, I'm Katrina Collins - I got this

letter in the mail.

Is this where I'm suppose to be?

- Yeah, this is the place.

Just get in line over there.

- Hello? Yes, hi.

I'm sorry to bother you.

I'm calling to find out if anyone

at this number knew, or was related to,

Kelly Ann Langston.

Kelly...Ann...Langston

I'm calling to see if

anyone at this number may have known her.

No, no, its okay.

I'm sorry to bother you...

Thank you...

- The question, I know

that each and everyone of you is asking

yourself right now is...

Do I have what it takes

to be on reality television?

Well, I'm here to tell you

that the answer...

is yes!

Okay?

Yes to you...

Yes to you...

Yes to you...

Yeah, yes to you...

Yes to all of you.

See, because the very fact that you're here

right now means that you've passed

the first test, which is...

Does this person have the motivation

to do it?

I know - there's a lot of people out there

they talk and they talk

about doing it, alright?

But you got out of bed this

morning and stood up and said

I am going to do it!

Right? Okay, so why

why don't you say that to me right now?

"I am going to do it!"

- I am going to do it!

'Again!

I am going to do it!

Huh?

- I am going to do it!

- OK.

So now does anyone else have any more

questions about motivation?

I didn't think so.

OK, so now we know we have the motivation

But now...

How do we know

if we have that special something?

That certain thing

that reality T.v. show directors

are looking for.

That's what we're here to talk about, today.

That

is why Talent Services America

is here, in Beaverton Oregon.

OK?

OK, did everyone bring

their headshots and audition videos?

I hope so, OK?

Because we're going to be looking at those

and we're going to be going over

the detailed specifics

about how you can present yourself

in ways that you never thought possible.

OK?

[Music From Instructional Video Begins Playing]

- I like traveling,

SCUBA diving, volleyball,

and pretty much all sons of adventure.

So please consider me for your reality T.V. show.

Because I won't let you down!

Chrissy...

that

Was

excellent.

OK?

You looked great.

I really felt like I got to know you

and

you're clearly a natural.

The camerawork was a little bit shaky

but that's nothing we can't fix.

OK?

But what I'd really like to know

is what would happen if one of our

Hollywood makeup artists

got their hands on you.

OK?

Don't get me wrong, you look great.

But.

Like I was telling Tina earlier,

video cameras can be very unforgiving

OK? That's why it's important that we

have a professional makeup artist

OK? But excellent, excellent work.

- Thank you so much.

Making the video was so much fun.

It was like I was keeping a diary, or something.

- Yeah.

Yeah, well, you really revealed yourself.

OK? That's tough.

I should know.

Really, really good work.

So, who do we have next?

Katrina Collins?

Katrina, where you at?

Oh, OK...

Well, let's see what you've got for us.

- Hi. My name is Katrina Collins.

I live in Port

- We'll just skip through the intro

since we're pressed for time.

- Gured out why I want to be on

a reality T. V. show so badly.

At first I thought it would just be fun

like this big adventure I could go on,

and my friends could watch.

And now it's different

Reading Brian's email is like watching him

on reality T.V.

I think I want him to see me in the same way.

I want him to see me moving on

and having fun.

- What's that on her head?

- And maybe I want him to be jealous.

I don't know. I don't want him to

completely forget about me.

OK.

Here is an example

of a video that is very heartfelt,

but might not be

best suited for an audition tape.

Katrina,

I'd really like to see what you could come up with,

with one of our

professional videographers.

We really want to figure out

what you're all about.

OK?

Like, what drives Katrina?

Alright?

Plus I think you could use a little bit of help

with makeup and wardrobe,

just to bring out your inner beauty. OK?

But uhh, I love the crazy bear hat

that you were wearing, though.

I mean, where on Earth did you find that, huh?

OK, now we're getting close to lunchtime

so what I want to do now is share with you

some information about becoming a member

of our team.

And I also want to talk to you about

a special deal that you won't find listed

on these sheets.

We decided that, today only, we're going to

ofier a special deal that includes our

full representation package,

with headshois and video audition tape,

all for the phenomenally ridiculous price of

One hundred and ninety nine dollars.

OK. We take all major credit cards

and we get started today.

Yeah.

- Are we going to actually audition for

any shows today?

- That's the beauty of it.

When you sign up with us

you're actually auditioning for

several shows at once.

OK?

And I personally make sure

that your information

is put in front of the top casting directors

in the business

- But we have to pay for this stuff first?

- Well, think about it like you're making

an investment in your future.

Kind of like going to college.

OK. So once you fill out your forms

give them back to us,

and then we're going to break for lunch.

Be back here by one o'clock.

There is a fantastic food court outside.

And I think there's a

And I think there's a

meatball sandwhich in my future.

I can smell my name on it.

- Hey, look.

Is that woman,

is that woman spreading ashes?

She is, look.

- Yeah.

That's how I want to go.

Just spread my ashes on the water.

Matter of fact, this would be a good place.

- Now Otis, you can't go dying on me.

Who's car would I borrow?

- Well it won't be too long, Eli.

What are you talking about?

You're doing great.

What, you're only 84.

I bet you'll live to be 100 before you know it.

Oh God, I hope not.

I don't want to be 100.

You know I've seen a lot of things in my life

and met a lot of people

I've had a good life.

- You know what? I better get out there.

- Oh yeah. It's 10:05.

- Yeah. The tide is coming in too.

Alright, another shot here.

Hey Eli, it's Chloe.

So hey, the director got excited about the color

of the changing leaves and decided to

change the commercial to a

Sunday drive through the forest.

So, sorry you spent all day out there for nothing.

I mean, don't worry

you'll still get paid and all.

I would've called you on your cell phone,

but you don't have a cell phone.

But yeah, sorry about

all of the food in the kitchen.

That's for the shoot tomorrow,

so don't eat it. Bye.

- Welcome to the world of the unbelievable.

Join us as we explore the fascinating world

of soap film

and all its splendid charms

We have replaced a standard hand-held

magnifier with a video camera

in order to capture the natural, unfettered

beauty unique to soap film.

[Turns off video]

.H6y-

I haven't seen you in a while.

I was starting to think

you didn't live here any more.

- Thanks.

- How's it going?

OK. I guess

- Are you collecting stuffed animals now?

- No.

These are for a new project.

I'm going to make things with them.

I realized today that I totally need to change

what I'm doing with my life.

- Ah. I know what you mean.

I think I had one of those days too.

- Have you, uhh. Umm.

Nevermind.

Hey!

Huh?

- Nothing

- Have you ever had your heart broken?

- Yeah. I think so.

- How long does it last?

And how long does it take to get better?

- I don't know.

I mean, it depends, I guess.

Sometimes I think it might just last forever.

- I hope not.

- Umm. Hey.

You want to go get lunch tomorrow?

There's this really great Thai place

I was planning on going to.

- Maybe.

I like Thai food.