Original subtitles

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(CROWS CAW)

(GUNFIRE)

(EXPLOSION)

(GUNFIRE IN THE DISTANCE)

(BIRDS TWEET NOISILY)

(HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING)

(GRAVEL CRUNCHES UNDERFOOT)

(HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING)

MAN: Bitte.

(CAMERA CLICKS)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

Nein, nein, die andere.

Oh...

Gut.

Ja, gut.

(BIRDS CHIRP)

(HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

- (CAMERA WHIRS AND CLICKS) - (PEOPLE APPLAUD)

(GUN CLICKS)

(LEAVES RUSTLE)

(PHEASANT'S WINGS FLAP)

(PHEASANT SQUAWKS)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(GUNSHOT)

(HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING)

I was bored!

Bored? You're a liar!

- I am sorry... - Sorry?

You tried to shoot the greatest man the world has ever seen

and you say you are sorry?

It was a sporting stalk.

I'm sorry because you don't have the wit to understand...

I went to school in England.

You say I don't understand English?

You understand English!

You just don't understand Englishmen!

(IMPACT GRUNT)

- How did you get here? - I walked.

- Walked? - Safest way.

- Walked from where? - Poland.

- That's over 200 miles! - I go to a good bootmaker.

Sneyd, in Clifford Street.

You are an agent of British Foreign Office intelligence.

Actually not.

I've seen little sign of intelligence

in the British Foreign Office for a very long time.

You had a gun

with a bullet in the breach.

A very high powered, very expensive gun.

One has to be properly equipped.

A stalk isn't a stalk without the weapon.

You may as well have an egg and spoon race without a spoon.

And a bullet? Does one have to have a bullet?

Habits are habits. Rules are rules!

It wouldn't have been cricket, otherwise.

Life is not a game of cricket, my friend.

No.

Pity.

Who sent you?

The truth.

You wouldn't know the truth if it kicked you!

(HE WHIMPERS)

I'm a free individual. I came on my own.

I am what my passport declares.

On page one, you will see what His Majesty's Foreign Secretary

requests and requires of any foreigners into whose hands I may fall.

I suggest you read it carefully!

Your passport.

"Sir Robert". (HE SCOFFS)

You think we don't know a forgery when we see one?

It is mine, actually.

Get one of your chappies to call and confirm.

Connections are very slow from here.

We can pull out your fingernails while we wait.

("BLUTROSE ROSEN" PLAYS THROUGH GRAMOPHONE)

♪ Blutrose Rosen... ♪

♪ ...erzählen mir von dir ♪

♪ Märchen der Liebe von Sehnsucht ♪

♪ Und sie verraten so vieles mir ♪

♪ Ihr süßer Duft... ♪

♪ ...ist wie ein sehnsuchtsvoller Ruf ♪

♪ Ein Ruf aus weiter Ferne... ♪

♪ ...blutrote Rosen ♪

♪ Weit über Land und Meer ♪

♪ Trägt mir ihr Zauber... ♪

(TELEPHONE RECEIVER DINGS)

I did tell you it was genuine.

You tried to kill him.

You? Why?

- A man in your position. - In my position?

An aristocrat, an English gentleman.

I would've thought you would have been on our side, if anyone would

- Sir Robert. - On your side?

As it is.

- I'm a bit of a problem. - A nuisance, not a problem.

You can't just put me up against a wall, can you?

- We are not barbarians. - Because there'd be questions.

- I don't think so. - Oh, but there will, you see

and you know there will.

- My uncle... - Is a close friend

of our ambassador in London. Oh, yeah.

Very close.

It's time you grew up, Sir Robert. The world is changing.

Yes, for the worse.

We must find a way of disposing of you that doesn't upset your uncle.

Well...

the author of "Rough Shooting", the great hunter.

While a house guest, a welcomed house guest

at a weekend shoot among the new leaders of the world, whom he so much admired

Sir Robert, unfortunately, went off on his own and suffered...

the mishap which lead to his death.

His body has been returned to London with every mark of respect.

It will be interred in the family tomb.

I'm sure The Times will give you at least half a column.

And what do you think the blessed Foreign Office will make

of a body without fingernails?

Will they take that as a mark of respect on the part of the New Order?

Good point, Sir Robert.

May I tell you my little scenario?

As a gentleman hunter you would, of course be unable

to leave a wounded animal without finishing it off.

Thank you.

So, having wounded a wild boar during the course of a boring afternoon...

Oh, my God! The English sense of humour never travels, does it?

You followed it cross country to here.

You cornered it, it charged, you were caught off balance

and really it's most unfortunate, almost idiotic...

You managed to grab the edge of the cliff

of course, tearing your fingernails

to shreds in your frantic efforts to redress the situation.

But...

I fear, in vain.

What a lot of trouble you are going to, I must say.

HUNTER: Cut above the usual cut-throat, aren't you?

(BOAR THUDS)

Now we come to your part in the scenario, Sir Robert.

Believe me, "this hurts me as much as it hurts you"

as we used to say at Charterhouse.

Did you really?

Mousy little middle-class school.

- We can't all go to Eton. - Thank God!

Oh, chuck me over and have done with it!

The scenario, Sir Robert, the scenario.

Think of your uncle. Such a family man.

We must convince him that it was an accident.

Isn't that what we agreed?

(EFFORT GRUNTS)

We'll come back in the morning with a couple of honest peasants

to find the body.

The more stupid the witnesses are

the more likely the British are to believe them.

We must leave you now, Sir Robert.

The Fuhrer likes to dine promptly

and it's getting late.

(TREE BRANCHES SNAP)

(MILITARY-STYLE MUSIC)

Move!

Move!

Move, you lump!

(HE GROANS)

Gods!

Shh!

I know you're there, Sir Robert!

Hm? Gone to ground.

Am I right? Gone to ground.

Isn't that what a hunted beast does?

Goes to ground?

(HE WHISTLES)

But the human animal, being more clever

thinks that the running water will cover his tracks.

(HE SNIGGERS)

Poor Sir Robert.

HE SHOUTS: We'll soon catch you up, Sir Robert!

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(FISHING REEL SQUEAKS)

Excellent.

Excuse me, mein Herr.

Nicht sprecht Deutsch.

You don't speak English by any chance, I suppose?

You are English?

Yes, and a sportsman, like yourself.

Afraid I've had a bit of bother.

- Accident? - In fact, not.

How did you get here?

Make 'em yourself?

- Of course. - Good man.

Look here, I need a few things, I'm afraid.

It's asking a lot, I know.

I come out here in the mornings, early.

Because before the sun comes up...

Oh, yes.

It's still paradise.

Isn't it?

What is it you are wanting?

Clothes, gloves, shaving tackle, if possible.

Old stuff, nothing they can trace back to you if I'm... if I'm caught.

There's money in my pocket, or should be, if you can get your hand in.

I can't, without... difficulty.

- English? - Yes.

I won't tell you who I am or what I've done.

It's better you shouldn't know.

But I've shaken them off.

I know that because I've been holed up here for a couple of days...

I needed a bit of... well...

peace and quiet.

Sorry to spoil your sport.

I forget something, I'll go back.

Hunting, shooting and fishing.

Do rather tend to dominate things.

(ENGINE CHUGS)

Good man!

I also brought some food.

Yes, I could certainly eat.

Milk with brandy. Drink.

- You are Jew? - Me?

Good heavens, certainly not. A Jew?

Good heavens, no.

Get changed.

Then you lie in the bottom of the boat

and I will get you across.

You speak amazing English, sir.

I was three years a prisoner of war.

Were you, really?

I was lucky.

In Lanarkshire.

Lovely spot.

Not in January.

No, no. On the nippy side then, I must say.

How will you go from here?

Yes...

How far to the, um...

to the, uh...

mouth of the river?

I'm hoping with any luck I'll find a ship.

My problem is getting down river, of course.

Now, they're liable to be watching

the roads and so forth.

But the um, the river...

I don't like the English.

Now we...

we can be an acquired taste...

Take the boat.

That's very royal of you.

If you are caught, I shall say you stole it.

Which I shall endorse.

If you're not, I shall tell my wife I sold it.

In which case, you'll need to buy a new one.

Yes.

I, uh...

I appreciate this, mein Herr.

- Scum! - I'm sorry?

Those people.

You have about 50 miles to go.

Go slowly.

Yes.

Slowly does it.

- If anything does. - There's a rod in the boat.

I hope you have some luck.

I shan't shake your hand because...

my hand isn't really up to it.

But I salute you.

You're a sportsman.

(ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYS)

- Dankeschön. - Bitte.

SEAMAN 1: Right. "Two minutes, the lot", that's what you said.

And if I do it?

You get the five bob.

Otherwise, I get it. A bet's a bet!

Whose two minutes, yours or mine?

Forgive me, but you sound you people as though as you need a time keeper.

I said you was British!

Didn't I say he was British? Soon as you came in, sir.

And I thought the same about both of you.

Two minutes? That's the bet?

- Gentleman's decision's final. Agreed? - Agreed.

Right, ready?

Go!

Sailing tonight?

I am. Nobby isn't.

Condition he'll be in, it's just as well, I shouldn't wonder.

(SEAMAN SIGHS)

I'm going home with, uh...

Oh, very nice.

British ship?

British tub...

The Welsh Maid, number two dock.

You can't miss her.

Cleanest, smartest bit of scrap metal in the harbour.

- What's old man like? - He's like the old man.

No one like him.

Old-school. Everything by the book.

Luckily, old Vaner's is a bit more human.

- Vaner? Is that the mate? - Right.

Not easy, mind. But fair.

I have to give him that.

I mean he can be a right swine, if you know what I mean, sir, but...

fair with it.

HUNTER MUMBLES: Yes.

Are you looking for a ship, sir?

Yes, I am, rather.

Don't bother buying The Welsh Maid, that's my advice.

Hey, how long's he had, sir?

Oh, good heavens!

SEAMAN GROANS AND MUMBLES

Time's up!

Ah, you gave him too long, sir!

- You gave him too long! - I've done it!

- No! - Come on!

HUNTER: Look, look, it's my fault, so let me settle both sides.

It's only cricket!

Another round on me.

♪ Roll me over in the clover ♪

♪ Roll me over, lay me down and do it again ♪

Sing for the love of God, you sods, sing!

THEY ALL SING: ♪ Now this is number one ♪

♪ And the fun has just begun ♪

♪ Roll me over, lay me down and do it again ♪

♪ Roll me over, in the clover ♪

♪ Roll me over, lay me down and do it again ♪

♪ Now, this is number two and my hand is on her shoe ♪

♪ Roll me over, lay me down and do it again ♪

♪ Roll me over... ♪ - See you later, mates!

- SEAMAN 1: OK then, mate. - SEAMAN 2: Right you are, mate.

- Mr Vaner on board? - I think he is, sir, yes.

Who shall I say asked?

Just tell him I'd like a word with him, would you?

If possible...

So you're old Vaner.

I'm Vaner.

Robert Hunter. How do you do?

The cook seems to think we know each other.

I hear you're sailing tonight.

And?

I've had a bit of trouble with our friends the sausage eaters.

I need a passage rather badly.

Can't be done. No accommodation.

Try a liner.

Would if I could, but I can't.

The old man's a stickler, I'm afraid.

When he comes back I know what he'll say.

You don't look like a stickler, Mr Vaner.

Show me where I can hide, and on my word on it

no one will see me before, during or after we make it to England.

I hate to dramatise, but it's literally life or death.

- They knocked you about. - Yes, they did rather.

They knock everybody about, women included...

Yes, women included.

Better things to be done with women than knock them about.

I think you're probably right.

I'll tell you what we've got.

A spare water tank, empty. If you fancy it for a few days.

A few days... Where do we dock?

Right up river. Wandsworth.

Wandsworth, do you really? I don't think I've ever been to Wandsworth.

There's always a first time, isn't there?

I'll show you your quarters.

(DOOR CLUNKS OPEN)

(SIREN WAILS)

Eine Angelrute!

That's a bit of luck, sir. Just your size.

I'll have to screw you down.

So, here's some rations and the best of luck.

I'll disconnect the overflow pipe, give you a bit of ventilation, OK?

It's an opening into the captain's cabin, actually

so you can hear him singing Rock of Ages in the tub

and I hope you survive that.

POLICEMAN (IN GERMAN ACCENT): Hello there!

See you in Wandsworth.

(LID CLATTERS SHUT)

CAPTAIN: What's this, Mr Vaner?

Evening, sir. They want to search the ship.

Did they see what ensign we fly, Mr Vaner?

- This is a British ship! - POLICEMAN: We are looking for a criminal.

CAPTAIN: No one searches this ship without my say so.

- Any stranger's on board, Mr Vaner? - No, sir.

If my officer says there's no one, there's no one.

I'm not gonna miss that tide.

(WATER RUNS)

CAPTAIN SINGS: ♪ Rock of ages cleft for me ♪

♪ Let me hide myself in Thee ♪

♪ Let the water and the blood ♪

♪ Rock of ages cleft for me ♪

♪ Let me hide myself in Thee. ♪

(SCREWS SQUEAK)

(SEAGULLS SQUAWK)

Thought I'd let you see a patch of grey sky, sir.

Prove you're back where you belong.

HUNTER: Thank you, Mr Vaner.

VANER: The old man is getting his Sunday best on so we must be here.

Not too bored?

No. I recited the whole of the Ancient Mariner just to see if I could.

Did you, indeed?

Well, I dare say your troubles are over now, sir.

England! Home and beauty!

(REGAL-LIKE MUSIC)

HUNTER: Hello, Uncle.

That's as may be.

Now, what the devil have you been up to, Bobbety?

HUNTER: It sounds as if you know.

It sounds as if I don't want to know.

HUNTER: Know what?

People telephoning at all hours, hauling me out in the middle of a rubber.

Can I say where you are?

How can I possibly say where you are and count trumps at the same time?

It's no business of mine where you are.

You know, I've even had, what's his name...

Champagne Charlie on the line.

I'd simply no idea that you were on the German Embassy's dining list. Hm?

I thought I would be safe when I got home. It seems I'm not out of the wood yet.

You know, you're a fool, Bobbety, you're a fool!

What's happened to your eye?

Someone stubbed his cigar in it.

Huh?

Uncle, I'm a fool who happens to be in a mess.

Not for the first time.

Who did this?

A follower of your friend Adolf.

What? The Mad Muller?

Well, I know he does employ some pretty funny folk, but...

that's going a bit far.

What exactly did you do?

Pointed a gun at his master.

What?

They followed me to England. I didn't think they'd do that.

They're even watching my digs.

Are they, though?

Look, Bobbety, you'd better clear out right away.

Yes, that's my advice. Just you buzz off.

Buzz off somewhere... to Saskatchewan or some place.

Yes, Saskatchewan. Where is Saskatchewan, by the way?

- Canada. - Huh?

Good God. Because you have made an outsize mess of things, Bobbety.

Outsize, and Neville is furious.

- Neville? - Yes, Nev...

HE SIGHS The Prime Minister.

Oh, that Neville.

Oh, I know, I know he may look like a middle class denture salesman

but he is, after all, His Majesty's first minister

and he is furious!

Or so I've been told because I...

I can't see that it makes much difference to his appearance.

Uncle, what you think I should do?

Bobbety, I'm a member of the government.

How should I know what people should do, hm?

Uncle, uncle, uncle...

I am serious.

You're no more serious than I am.

Do you realise you could be extradited?

If it's officially known that you're still in the country

you could be sent back in chains, if they requested it.

Bobbety, you see, shooting heads of state

is never in season.

Even if they are jumped-up corporals, they are protected!

Like... like ospreys.

So, you know what you are, Bobbety?

You're an outlaw.

Hm, you are an outlaw.

What do you suggest I do?

Do?

What any fellow with a shred of decency does when he blots his copybook.

You'll make yourself scarce and not embarrass your friends

or your sovereign.

Do you realise that this country could be involved in a war over this?

It may be involved in a war, anyway.

No, no, no, nonsense, nonsense.

Neville has this Hitler fellow mesmerised.

You wait and see.

They are out to kill me.

No. No.

No, you're exaggerating, Bobbety.

This chappie you saw was probably just some bookie's runner.

- Yes. In Mayfair? - Yes, in Mayfair.

Things are not what they were.

(HE CHUCKLES)

Then, they never were, were they? Hm?

Oh, my poor boy.

You know, I remember warning you once before not to be provocative.

That's not a matter I'm prepared to discuss and you know it.

But I liked her.

I loved her.

Sorry, sorry. Best keep off the subject.

So...

You're telling me to go to Hell, is that it?

Oh, why not?

There's no place like it in my experience.

Bobbety, I'm only sorry I'm not young enough to go with you.

You won't tell anyone you'd seen me?

Don't be insulting, Bobbety.

- Robert! - Saul.

Good Heavens!

You look like an advertisement!

Actually I thought I looked rather democratic.

I bought the rig in what they call a "department store".

Fact is, I rather think I'm being followed.

Curious you should turn up, as a matter of fact.

- It's rather a case of "speak of the devil". - Oh?

And why should you be doing that?

Because we've had some very odd enquires about you.

Does the name "Quive-Smith" mean anything to you?

Quive-Smith? Quive-Smith. Nothing. Anything to eat?

Only my lunch.

A few gull's eggs and a half bottle of Moet-Chandon '28.

You are welcome to them.

Or there's the typist's biscuits...

elastic-sided Petit Beurre.

(BELL DINGS)

He's a Major

and he says he's by way of being an old companion-in-arms of yours.

A Lancer? English is he?

Couldn't be more so.

The fact my name was Abrahams

got him severe congestion of the larynx.

Oh, he said he knew you

and that he is the bearer of, as they say

"information to your advantage."

An inheritance. Some fellow soldier.

The Colonel, no doubt, left me the regimental silver?

I don't think.

Bring in my champagne and gull's eggs for Sir Robert, please, Mr Peale.

HUNTER: Quive-Smith?

Never heard of him.

Anything else funny going on?

Anything else, Mr Peale?

Not directly, sir.

Only we do have a queer customer outside, feeding the ducks.

Been there all week, sir, during office hours

and I hear there's another one just turned up in Theobald street.

He's been seen having a chat with the duck-feeding gentleman

during the last couple of minutes or so.

Since Sir Robert's taxi drew up.

They've broken cover.

My gaudy plumage.

It pays to advertise.

I'll get the refreshments, sir. See what else anyone knows.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Where does Peale get his information?

From leaning out of the window all day?

No, no, the Union.

Union?

Private detectives' Union.

They spot outsiders in no time.

I'm sorry to say the divorce business being what it is

we have to brief as many of them as we do barristers.

They like to keep on the right side of Mr Peale.

What've you been up to?

I took a pot at your chum, Adolf.

Adolf?

Adolf?

Adolf.

You must be loopy.

You know why, Saul.

No one else does, but you do.

Rebecca.

You shouldn't blame yourself, Robert.

I blame myself.

And I blame them.

She knew what she was doing.

So did I, and I should have stopped her.

You couldn't have.

Anyway...

(DOOR OPENS)

Here we are, Sir Robert.

Seems they're still there, sir.

If I may suggest, sir

I'll accompany you when you go out.

I doubt they'll try anything in the street.

Not if there are two of us.

Still pack your right hook, do you, Mr Peale?

I never go anywhere without it, sir.

Robert, are you getting absent-minded in your old age?

Trying to eat gull's eggs with your gloves on.

I have my reasons.

My hands still aren't too pretty to look at.

Then I won't look at them.

Better still, allow me.

(PLATE CLATTERS)

(SAUL TAPS THE EGG ON HIS DESK)

Now, what are we gonna do about you?

Well, don't suggest anything legal because there isn't anything.

My uncle's made that very clear.

Neville and his chums would ship me back to our friends as soon as look at me.

Sooner.

I want to settle my affairs

and I need all the cash you can muster. I may be, as they say

"underground for some time".

No trouble there.

You, um... you keep cash in the office, do you?

When your name is Abrahams, my dear Robert

you may eat with the best people

and even sleep with one or two of them when they're in the mood

but you don't trust them.

Not ever... not entirely.

It may be peace in your time

but I don't think it is likely to remain peace in mine.

Oh, Saul, for God's sake, you're as English as I am!

And you're half-Irish.

Here's a body belt with 2,000 quid in it

and a 100 in sovereigns.

Any fellow Hebrew of mine will give you a decent rate for gold wherever you are.

Saul, you're an ass!

Now, what about the land?

The documents are ready.

Do you want the present tenants to inherit in the event of your death

subject to the creation of a joint trust

for their heirs. Wasn't that it?

- Good man. - Here we are.

Splendid, splendid...

Now, one more thing.

If a coroner should sit on my body and conclude suicide

don't believe one word of it.

- I'll go down personally. - You'll do no such thing!

A corpse isn't worth the fuss.

Just remember.

I shall do that.

I promise.

- Get yourself another one, won't you? - On your account. Don't you worry.

(BELL DINGS)

Here's one of them, sir.

And here, unless I'm much mistaken, comes the gallant Major.

At the gallop.

He has a good tailor, I'll say that for him.

HUNTER: Failing a taxi cab, one takes a tube, I believe it's called.

Would you escort me, Mr Peale?

PEALE: My pleasure, Sir Robert.

(NEWSPAPER VENDOR SHOUTS)

NEWSPAPER VENDOR: Read all about it!

Take a shilling one, sir.

- A shilling one, please. - (COINS CLATTER)

- Good luck! - And you, sir.

Now!

How do I get to, uh...

Wimbledon Park?

Well, sir, you go via Leicester Square, and Charing Cross.

TICKET CLERK: How much time have you got? It's a little complicated.

All the time in the world.

Ticket, sir.

I'm in a hurry, damn you!

...to the northern line. That will take you to Charing Cross.

- Yes. - Charing Cross, the district line.

That will take you all the way to Wimbledon Park.

Over there, sir.

TRAIN GUARD: Mind the doors!

Funny the way it always does that, what?

One must have patience.

(LIFT HISSES)

(FOOTSTEPS ECHO)

- (FEET SHUFFLE) - (ELECTRICITY BUZZES)

(MAN GROANS)

(TRAIN WHISTLE SOUNDS)

Sir Robert! What a pleasure to see you!

You're quite wrong, Jessel! You haven't seen me.

Sir Robert?

I'm not here, Jessel and you haven't seen me since my last trip.

Of course not, Sir Robert.

Now, here's a list of things I need.

(HE SIGHS)

- Billhook? - Mm-hm.

What about a firearm?

No, Jessel I don't think I'll play it that way.

Quite right, Sir Robert.

I'm not a criminal, Jessel.

Off on another of your trips, I presume, Sir Robert?

When you get the stuff, I'll be at the entrance of Wimbledon station.

- (TRAIN WHISTLE SOUNDS) - NEWSMAN: Star News and Standard!

NEWSMAN: Horrible murder! Read all about it!

- Star News and... - Standard.

There you are, guv.

Thank you.

Star News and Standard!

Horrible murder, read all about it!

HUNTER (VO): The Metropolitan Police wish to interview

a tall, well-dressed gentleman in his early forties.

The booking clerk described him

as having no fingernails on his right hand.

(STEAM TRAIN CHUGS)

I came as quick as I knew how, Sir Robert.

But the West End...

They've got police, and I don't know what, everywhere.

I suppose it's those Bolshies again.

Thank you, Jessel.

- Will you be alright, Sir Robert? - Oh, yes, and meanwhile...

Of course.

(TRAIN CHUGS)

Even I don't know who I am.

(TRAIN HISSES)

HUNTER: I never hunted with the Cattistock. Why not?

Why not?

I was only in Dorset once before in my life.

Do let's stop. I'm sweltering!

Five minutes. We don't wanna get left behind.

Pub's shut. Give us the water.

Oh, I'm red hot, really I am!

(SHE SIGHS)

(MAN SNIFFS)

Do I look funny?

Funny? You? No. Why?

SHE MOUTHS: That man.

- What a frankly superb conveyance! - Sorry?

The bike. I've never seen anything quite like it.

There isn't anything quite like it.

Gerald built it.

HUNTER: Gerald?

- I'm Gerald. - HUNTER: Oh, how do you do?

Yes, now, you'll never believe this, but I've been...

hunting high and low for a thing like this.

Oh, Gerald was thinking of manufacturing them.

Weren't you, Gerald? As a business.

I have given the matter some consideration.

Yes, I don't doubt. Now...

how much would a thing like this cost?

What? Er... 15 quid.

- That much? - About.

Fifteen quid? You said you could make...

HE CHUCKLES

Well, frankly, it's academic.

- Sorry? - Point is, I need the bike right away.

Oh, well, we live in Leicester.

Do you really? I have an uncle who lives near Leicester.

Oh, how lovely! Would I know him?

- I don't think so. - We'll have to go home on the train.

Well, I'm very sorry if I've spoiled your holidays.

Oh, well...

Suppose we said...

twenty pounds... cash

to compensate you for the inconvenience?

Twenty pounds?

Or shall we say guineas? What do you say?

- I shall be sorry to let her go. - HUNTER: In other words...?

Done!

Thank you.

Here's five...

(BIKE BELL TINKLES)

(CROWS CAW)

HUNTER (VO): No one will ever find us. No one. Ever!

This is ours. Forever.

It's ours, but not forever, Robert.

I must go back.

I must.

You know I must.

The world won't go away. Not even for us.

Damn the world!

They trust me...

They rely on me.

I must.

- Without me... - Without you...?

Not yet, Rebecca.

Not yet.

Darling Bobs...

(CHINKING NOISE)

(HE WHISTLES)

(HE INHALES DEEPLY)

(HE CONTINUES WHISTLING)

"She walks in beauty, like the night"

"Of cloudless climes and starry skies"

"And all that's best of dark..."

"...and bright"

"Meet in her aspect and her eyes."

(CAT MEOWS)

HUNTER: Hello, puss.

Ah, you like that, don't you?

Can't call you Puss, you bugger.

No... What... Dark?

Asmodeus?

Yeah. Asmodeus.

(HE SINGS TO HIMSELF)

(BIKE CLUNKS AND SQUEAKS)

Oh, Foulsham, Professor Foulsham. There may be a parcel for me.

No, sorry. No parcel of that name at all, sorry.

Is there a letter then?

Well, there you are! Foulsham.

Kettle's boiling, Mum.

Excuse me.

HUNTER READS: "A sinister stranger without fingernails..."

"...is haunting Dorset this week". - GIRL: But Mum...

POST MISTRESS: I want my cup of tea!

You do as you're told! - (WOMAN SLAPS GIRL)

- May I have my letter, please? - You'll have to wait.

- Ma'am, kindly satisfy yourself. - Now, you keep away from me!

This letter is indeed addressed to me

and I regret to tell you... - I shall scream.

I don't doubt it.

Your behaviour is unworthy of a position of trust

and I feel in duty bound to report it.

So good day to you, ma'am!

(SIRENS RING)

VOICE OF SAUL (VO): As your legal advisor, my opinion

pedestrian as it may be, is that you should go to the police

tell them the truth and be damned to your addled ideas

of duty and honour.

If England is embarrassed by your existence

so much the worse for England.

Noblesse does not always oblige.

No.

Only when you wish it didn't.

INSPECTOR: Birley, March!

There he is! After him!

(STEAM TRAIN CHUGS)

MAN (VO): Of course, Major Quive-Smith!

A man in your position, I'm happy to tell you what I know.

The local constabulary almost nabbed him in Dorset.

The sub-post mistress had her suspicions aroused

but the locals reacted a shade slow

and well, he was away before they got to him.

He won't be within 100 miles

if you want an expert opinion.

QUIVE-SMITH (VO): When it comes to an expert opinion

I think I'll rely on Sir Robert's.

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

Thank you, Muller.

(BIRDS TWEET)

(HE SIGHS)

QUIVE-SMITH (VO): The rule is simple and infallible.

Find his waterhole

and patience will surely bring your quarry within your sights.

(TENSE MUSIC)

Sir Robert?

(GUNSHOT)

Sieg heil!

- Major, look out! - LOUD MEOW

(GUNSHOT)

QUIVE-SMITH: Come back! Come back, you idiot!

Some stupid animal, and you go and make a fool of yourself!

I'm no country man, Major.

You're no man at all!

- He better be dead. - He is Major, I saw...

QUIVE-SMITH: Well, the dead man appears to have gone to ground, doesn't he.

Well, I'm not prepared to root around in the dark for a wounded rat.

Discipline, Quive-Smith. Discipline, discipline.

(HE SIGHS)

Thirty-eight.

(BULLET CLINKS)

- (HE SIGHS) - Close, Robert. Close.

"An elephant separated from the herd is known as a rogue male."

"He is isolated..."

"...and he is dangerous."

"The Almighty..."

"...looks after the rogue male."

We hope.

We hope.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

- Oh, Mr Drake? - Eh?

I'm Quive-Smith. Your wife and I spoke on the telephone.

Oh, yes, Major, indeed.

Not much of a day for sport, I'm afraid.

I'm a patient man, Mr Drake. I'm willing to wait.

- Is there much about? - Not a lot.

Not up here.

I haven't seen so much as a robin out there all summer.

Oh?

- Persian cat up there. - (HE LAUGHS)

You can't trap him, you can't shoot him.

Oh, yes... Well, I'd like to see that room if I may, your wife talked about.

(CAT MEOWS)

(CAT MEOWS)

Hello, Asmodeus! You smelt the sardines, didn't you, eh?

Not up outside then, eh?

What's up outside?

You and me, what a pair, eh?

What a pair, you old villain.

"One shade the more, one ray the less"

"Had half impaired the nameless grace"

"Which waves in every raven tress"

"Or softly lightens o'er her face..."

Well, we'll just have to sweat it out, my pretty.

We'll just have to sweat it out.

Mr Quive-Smith?

I must say your mum does cook the most delicious apple crumble!

- Would you like some more? - Oh...

Oh, yes... Just a little.

Thanks, that's fine.

Uh, no, thanks.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(CAT MEOWS)

Hello, Asmodeus!

Yes, it's not exactly a bed of roses, is it Asmodeus?

Messy beast man, isn't he?

Well...

Have they gone or haven't they?

Have they gone or haven't they?

(CAT MEOWS)

Oh, they must have, mustn't they?

(TENSE MUSIC)

("BLUTROSE ROSEN" PLAYS DISTORTEDLY)

(SONG FADES OUT)

(HIGH-PITCHED SCREECHING)

(HE CRASHES TO THE GROUND)

FARMER: It's that beggerin' murderer after my cheeses again, you see if it isn't...

Into t'barn and down t'dairy. I knew 'e was a stealing of 'em.

I don't really think so, you know, Mr Drake.

DRAKE: How'd that 'appen then? Of itself, d'ye think?

(WOOD SPLINTERS)

Look at that. That's death-watch beetle you've got in that.

I came across it once, in the East Riding.

Tithe barn.

Chap fell right through the roof and broke his neck, poor fellow.

I shouldn't fret yourself.

You're right, Major.

Mornin's time enough to worry.

QUIVE-SMITH: Quite right, Mr Drake. Good night.

(LIGHT CLUNKS)

(DUCK QUACKS)

(DUCKS QUACK FRANTICALLY)

QUIVE-SMITH (VO): A wise hunter

does not disturb frightened game at night.

Thank you, Sir Robert.

(CROWS CAW)

(CAT MEOWS)

HUNTER (MUFFLED): Asmodeus?

(CAT MEOWS)

HUNTER: Asmodeus?

Asmodeus?

(HUNTER TUTS AND WHISTLES)

- (METAL CLINKS) - (EARTH TUMBLES DOWN)

(TENSE MUSIC)

(EARTH TUMBLES DOWN)

(HE KICKS THE TRAP DOOR)

(KICKING CONTINUES)

Sir Robert?

Sir Robert?

Can you hear me?

I hear you.

- How are you? - Surviving!

You had a lucky escape...

temporarily, however.

One doesn't abandon a wounded beast, does one?

One finishes it off.

It wouldn't be cricket otherwise, would it?

(HE SNIGGERS)

What?

I didn't speak.

Shall I tell you something funny?

While my capacity for laughter is somewhat limited at the moment

you can try.

QUIVE-SMITH: The night you lost patience...

Last night, by George! Wasn't it?

- I didn't lose patience! - The night you lost patience!

I'd already given Drake notice that we were off.

I'd already decided that you'd got clean away.

Oh, I knew that you were somewhere about.

But we'd been searching down by the spring and down in the old quarry

and I concluded that we'd missed the bus.

Funny, isn't it?

Hilarious.

- Shall we get down to business? - Business!

What business? If you're going to kill me, kill me!

Oh, my dear fellow.

I don't want you to die.

You could always donate me to Whipsnade Zoo, I suppose.

(HE CHUCKLES)

There will be no need for anything as drastic as that, I don't think

Sir Robert, at this particular juncture, no.

If my friends take my advice, and they might well...

they'll tell me to let you go back into circulation

just as if nothing had happened.

On certain conditions.

HUNTER: Look here!

You won't get any more out of me than your Gestapo did!

So don't waste your time!

My Gestapo?

They're not mine.

I am as British as you are.

Now what exactly do you want?

Well, I don't want to deceive you in any way, Sir Robert.

So I think I'd better get back to my friends

and clear with them exactly what I propose we should do.

You won't mind hanging on for a day or two, will you?

I can't get out.

But I don't suppose you'll be coming in.

I assume you're familiar with the end game known as stale mate?

(HE SNIGGERS UNDER HIS BREATH)

Well, it's staler for you than it is for me, Sir Robert

if we must raise the subject.

Look, let's not play bluff, shall we?

You have only one course, and that is to resign gracefully.

Oh, and please don't try burrowing your way out

by some ingenious new route.

My chap is going to be out here whenever I'm not

and he has such a nervous disposition he'd probably shoot the moon

if it came up unexpectedly.

We'll talk tomorrow.

Pleasant dreams.

(WATER SPLASHES)

QUIVE-SMITH: Sir Robert?

Sir Robert?

QUIVE-SMITH: Are you there?

I'm still here!

Sound man.

Because I've got some good news for you.

We shall have you out of there inside the hour.

QUIVE-SMITH: You'll be free to go home, to your place.

You'll be in time for the first of the pheasant.

I'm very glad it's worked out this way.

I was sure it would.

I have enormous respect for you, personally, you know, Sir Robert.

You're a member of a party, Major, which respects nothing

but power and brute force!

And you're a man to go into the jungle with, Sir Robert!

And that's the highest tribute I can offer.

Our party needs men like you!

Now, what is it exactly that you want me to do?

It's time you told me.

I have a piece of paper out here.

Here, bring it here, Muller.

What I'll do

is I'll shove it down your blow hole

on the end of a stick.

Alright...

Got it?

First catch your mouse, and then give him the cheese.

Absolutely right!

Absolutely right!

Oh, this is rubbish!

The British Government knew nothing whatsoever about my trip

and you know that perfectly well!

Look I'm not going to argue the toss, one way or the other

about what anyone actually knew or didn't know.

Your uncle's in the Cabinet.

Who's really going to believe that you weren't given the nod?

- Weren't you? - No.

Look...

I am as British as you are, Sir Robert.

I wish this country great.

Just as you do.

That document will never see the light of day

unless Neville, and the Jews force us into war

and then only to prove to public opinion

to the people of Britain

that it's a war that's been forced on the Fuhrer

by pansy boys and weeping willies.

I don't sign lies!

QUIVE-SMITH: Truth! What is the truth when it comes down to it?

What is true is the truth!

QUIVE-SMITH: And what is the truth about this, so-called sporting stalk?

I wanted to see if it could be done.

You wanted to kill, I presume, because you thought it would help.

- Help? - Your country.

- If you like... - In other words...

even if the Government, the politicos, knew nothing about you

you were, as it were, acting for Britain.

- I don't see what all this matters! - I'm sure you do, Sir Robert.

You mentioned signing lies. It happens to be the truth

that I'm asking you to sign. - I don't agree!

But your actions agree, Sir Robert, which is more to the point.

Let us say that your motives were patriotic.

That makes them the same as mine.

You and I, Sir Robert, belong on the same side.

We are two of a kind!

Don't assume that because we both go to a good tailor

we're on the same side. We are not!

Look, you're either going to do as I say or say your prayers.

It's as simple as that.

- Sign and be done with it, or else... - Suddenly, you're in a great hurry.

Well, I can't stand around here talking all day, I shall get cramp.

Breathe some more of that lovely fresh air you've got in there, my dear fellow

and tell me how it feels in the morning.

(CAT MEOWS)

(CAT MEOWS)

(GUNSHOTS)

QUIVE-SMITH: Some company for you.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)

"A mind at peace with all below"

"A heart whose love is innocent!"

I hope by tomorrow you'll be in the mood to be sensible.

By then, the atmosphere in there ought to be conducive to reason.

REBECCA (VO): I must go back.

They trust me.

They rely on me, I must.

REBECCA (VO): Without me...

HUNTER: Without you...?

Not yet, Rebecca.

HE IMITATES A GUN: Pchook!

He'll be sorry, Asmodeus, old friend.

He'll be sorry.

(TINS CLATTER NOISILY)

(SCRAPING SOUND)

It's a splendid morning, Mr Drake.

Rain later I shouldn't wonder.

Yes, well, I shall profit from it while I can.

(HE WHISTLES)

You can cut along now and get some grub.

QUIVE-SMITH: And cheer up!

I don't suppose you'll be needed much longer.

Morning.

- Sir Robert! - HUNTER: Yes.

I said "good morning".

- Did you? - Manners, my dear fellow, manners!

QUIVE-SMITH: One must preserve the proprieties, you know.

How are you this morning?

Reasonable.

The air out here is splendid this morning.

How is it in there?

QUIVE-SMITH: Sir Robert?

I'm still here.

You know, honestly, Sir Robert, I never imagined a man like you

could be so thoroughly unreasonable.

Didn't know that reason was something you cared much about.

Oh, this is a nonsense, you know, submitting yourself to this.

It's pure perversity, it really is.

You know, Major...

I've been thinking.

QUIVE-SMITH: Purpose of the exercise, my dear fellow.

Even if I... I sign this famous document of yours

whatever use will it be? No one's going to see it.

There isn't going to be a war. Your Fuhrer has promised

and we... we all know that, if a man like that gives his promise...

QUIVE-SMITH: I told you, it is a pure formality.

Unless someone on your side gets up to some nonsense

and tries to foment a war against this country's natural allies...

You see...

Sir Robert?

HUNTER: What about...?

What about...?

What?

QUIVE-SMITH: What about what?

This chappie of yours...

- QUIVE SMITH: Chappie? - HUNTER: Your chappie!

How much does he know?

How do I know I'm not going to be blackmailed?

QUIVE-SMITH: He's a Swiss.

Forget him!

The Swiss are people of quite astonishing dullness and rapacity, my dear fellow.

A combination nurtured by

generations of democratic government and milk chocolate.

I... I'm rather fond of both.

Humbug, Sir Robert.

The British Lion is losing his teeth on account of the one

and his will to fight because of his addiction to the other.

Why prolong this ludicrous debate?

Sign!

Sign and then...

You're a natural leader, Sir Robert.

I know it, you know it.

QUIVE-SMITH: Now, what place do you have amongst the rats and the rabbits?

My place amongst the rats and the rabbits is, I assure you, none of my choosing.

So you want the world to belong to the Jews and the niggers, do you?

Cos that's what democracy is.

Mr Roosevelt and his yankeedoodles

or the Great Russian bear sprawled across Europe

with England between its paws!

HUNTER: I don't know, I don't know... I...

I can't breathe. I can't think!

QUIVE-SMITH: Sign the paper, man!

You can think later.

(HE CHUCKLES)

I've got a bottle of bubbly in the car.

I've bust the pen!

QUIVE-SMITH LAUGHS

Bust the pen? You are an ass!

A pen is the least of our problems!

- (QUIVE-SMITH LAUGHS) - (WEAPON FIRES)

(TENSE MUSIC)

Here I am, Major...

- So you are. - Wha...?

MULLER: Don't kill me, sir!

- Name? - Muller, sir.

Muller, of course...

Well, you certainly took to the work, didn't you, Muller?

Burying a fellow human being alive came quite naturally to you, didn't it?

I thought you were one of the Major's men, sir.

He said you were.

Oh, sir, my wife...

Want to see her again?

My God, sir, I swear...

Yeah, well then swear quietly, or better still, save your breath.

You've got work to do.

HUNTER: Go on, man, pull him right in!

My God, sir!

Very cosy!

(HE SIGHS DEEPLY)

HUNTER: A bit airless is it, in there?

Yes, sorry about that.

MULLER: I won't say anything, sir. Ever.

To anyone. You can trust me.

Yes, I can, can't I.

Depressing, really, now here's what we do.

After dark we'll toddle down to the farm

because we have to collect our gear, don't we?

- But won't they... - It looks like rain.

I shall wait in the car, like a gentleman, and you will fetch out the bags.

HUNTER: The Major and I, as he so often used to remark, are two of a kind

at least, to the casual eye.

HUNTER: Sorry to dash off, but all good things must come to an end.

- Goodbye, Major! - HUNTER: Goodbye dear

and remember, don't bring out your queen too soon.

GIRL: I'll remember, Major.

Premature exposure can sometimes be fatal.

DRAKE: Bye then, Major.

I'd like to give you a kiss, Major!

HUNTER: You mustn't catch a cold, my dear. Now, just stay in the dry.

Bye, bye, now. Bye bye.

Don't get too wet!

(AIR RAID SIRENS WAIL)

VOICE OF NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN: I have to tell you now

that no such undertaking has been received

and that consequently

this country is at war with Germany.

Anyway, Neville asked me would I care to renounce my duties.

(HE CHUCKLES)

And frankly, since I've never quite known what these were

I readily agreed. So, yeah.

Oh, there you are, Bobbety!

I wondered when you'd surface.

I expected you a bit sooner, to be honest.

Oh, yes, but I couldn't find a taxi cab.

Ah, then of course, that explains it.

Because I had a word with Winston

and he says that if you care to pop round by the Admiralty

he has an idea that might be rather up your street.

Fine. I'll toddle round.

Yes, do that, do that... Oh, and Bobbety.

You know that spot of bother you talked to me about, hm?

Well, now it seems that their nibs have passed the word, informally of course

that the whole thing can now be...

unofficially regarded as officially...

Dead and buried?

Hm...

Yes, if you like, if you like.

Fine, well, I'll go and see Winston.

Yes, do that and get him to give you a good job right away

before he gets kicked out.

Because, you know, I don't think he's going to last very long...

OK. Thanks, Uncle.

Oh, and Bobbety, I'll be at the Athenaeum later

if you feel like a little plain supper

and some middle class company, hm?

Thank you, Uncle.

(HE LAUGHS)

You know, that's my nephew, Bobbety.

Oh, he's a splendid fellow.

But so silly.

Do you know what he did a while back, hm?

Oh, you're just not going to believe this, but he actually tried to pot Hitler!

(HE CHUCKLES)

And missed. Very odd.

He's usually quite a decent shot.

GERMAN SOLDIER (VO): Abteilung...

halt!

Gewehr auf!

Feuer!

(GUNSHOT RINGS OUT)

HUNTER (VO): My plans are far advanced.

I recognise that I may not get away alive

but this time I shall not hesitate.

And that is really all that matters to me...

without you.

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