Original subtitles

Morning, Christopher.

You aII ready to finish high schooI?

Yeah, uh, I'm excited. Very excited.

Oh, I can see that.

Yo, two more weeks and we're high-schooI graduates.

Tick tock. You gonna ask Autumn out before the buzzer rings?

AII right. A, she has a boyfriend. B, he's a monster.

Come on, dude, take action.

I mean, you been spinning for her since Iike grade two.

Chris. Hey. Why don't you come and get yourseIf...

...one of mama's famous breakfast sandwiches?

Famous with who? DyIan got sick Iast time he had one.

Yeah, DyIan. You know, I worry about him.

Don't get me wrong, I Iike the boy and aII...

...but what's he gonna do after high schooI?

He never set himseIf up for his future.

Just made one bad mistake after another.

Not Iike you, superstar. Heh-heh-heh.

-So come on down, aII right? -AII right. I'II be down.

MELVIN: Move your butt. -I'II be down.

Oh, hey, man, um, about what he just said, don't....

I was just taIking to my mom. What's up?

Nothing, man.

HIGH SCHOOL GUY 1: Hey, hey, my man.

HIGH SCHOOL GUY 3: Yo, what up? -What's up, what's up?

HIGH SCHOOL GUY 2: Yo Chris,

Stomp and Deathgrave are outside taIking smack about you.

You need to check those fooIs, man.

WILLARD: You made out with her? -WeII, not exactIy.

Wait, what does that mean?

WeII, not at aII.

So, what did you do?

Ever hear of the fine art of conversation?

Oh, you suck.

Yo, man, you want sound? You want heavy?

You want 180 grams, my brother.

Yeah, 180 grams don't come cheap, though.

Yeah, what's cost when it comes to quaIity?

Show you something right now. CaII yourseIf a DJ.

What? What? What you got?

Boom! See this right here, bro.

It's weight, density.

Ain't no needIe gonna skip over that mo'fo.

NeedIe ain't gonna skip on me, period.

Yeah, because you ain't a reaI DJ. You pre-mix your shit on your iPad...

...when you shouId be doing it on the fIy.

Listen, I take the time to get shit right.

You Iet the whoIe cIub hear your mistakes.

Because I'm human.

-It's, uh, reaI. -Yeah, weII, it's imperfect.

That's why it's perfect.

STUDENT: Yo, it's on.

They caII me stomp, boy 'Cause that's what I do to you

Put you in your pIace And erase every cIue to ya

You don't have the heart Like stomp do

BattIe me and you'II be HeadIining the Fox News

They caII me Deathgrave 'Cause I'm the troubIin' type

And I'm handin'out obituaries When I'm on the mic

Man, I'm up for a fight say I'm buggin'you, right

Keep poppin' that Iip And you gon'see what it's Iike

You got bummy schooI gear 'Cause your pockets are Iight

Man, I'm shining up the haII 'Cause my pockets is right

Got your girI aIways taIkin' Like, ''It's nice ta see ya''

'Cause my cheese stays drippin' Like a sIice of pizza

Ho, step right up 'Cause DyIan's steaIin' the show

And you about to get dissed By my main man Chris

Hey, DyIan, I got this. This is Iight work.

If you stomp and he Deathgrave I'm the grim reaper

Make stomp stomp Deathgrave And put him in a sIeeper

six feet ya, ha Deeper than your mom's voice

Yo, she sound Iike Darth Vader on steroids Ha

I'm-a get this poppin'

Them ain't skinny jeans You're wearing your mama's stockings

And Deathgrave, man Your raps are so simpIe

The onIy thing you ever keep popping Is pimpIes

Yeah, I said it, you're done Get back to your fun

This battIe was over Before it even begun

-That's buIIshit. -That's what I'm taIking about!

Step off, boys. Maybe next time for the IittIe sisters.

DEATHGRAVE: Pfft.

-Yo, you got some wrong skiIIs, son. -It's aII you. It's aII you.

Yo, we got skiIIs, you know?

You reaIIy gonna waIk away from aII this for coIIege?

I'm not reaIIy waIking away from anything, man.

We can stiII do the rap thing, it just gotta be on the side.

So I been taIking to my boy Doobie.

He just started this gig at Kickpower Records in New York.

He's gonna get us in.

Look man, I toId you, Doobie's an intern.

And he does coke.

Yo, he onIy does ecstasy and weed.

-Okay. QUENTIN: That's not what happened!

-Why are her books in your bag, Quentin? -Because I was hoIding them for her.

AUTUMN: Why?

-That's my friend, and I'm into TwiIight now. -That's your friend.

-Yes. -You're into TwiIight now?

Yeah. Mm-hm.

ReaIIy?

-Yes. -Since when?

-No, stop and taIk to me. -Since today.

-Since today? -Yep.

Okay. You on Team Eric or Team Jacob?

WeII, first, I mean, you got Jacob, and he's aII that.

Then you got your Eric and he's so just kind of wishy washy and aII that, so...

-Heh. -I mean, whatever.

AII right. Who's Sookie Stackhouse?

The girI that's in Iove with both of them. WouIdn't be TwiIight without her.

You'd be right. If we were taIking about True BIood.

Take your fucking books.

CaII from my moms. I gotta take it.

I didn't hear it ring.

It's on vibrate.

Fuck, man.

Yo, what the fuck you Iooking at?

I ain't got no food for your fat ass.

Ugh. Watch out.

-SeriousIy, Quentin? QUENTIN: Deuces.

She's just so damn fine.

I'm so sorry.

How come the asshoIes get the good girIs, man?

DYLAN: AsshoIes roII the dice. Take risks.

-What shouId I say? -Think of something.

She's not just gonna put them up on the gIass.

You know, when you rapping, you Superman.

Music fade, tsk, CIark Kent.

Oh, reaIIy? Oh, for sure, okay.

Then watch me fIy.

Hey, uh, Autumn, Autumn, heh, how you Iiving, girI?

What's up?

-Been better. -Yeah.

You hear aII that?

Nah, except that he, uh, might be creeping with some ho...

...but ,you know, obviousIy the guy's into hoes...

Not saying that you're a ho.

The schooI's fuII of hoes, you know? Here a ho, there a ho, everywhere a ho-ho.

And then, poof. Ho be gone.

What are you saying, Chris?

Uh.... Heh.

I'm reaIIy trying to say I think you're a princess.

Yes! Whoo!

You're sweet.

I try.

-Bye. -Bye.

Dude, I thought you were toast with that ''ho be gone'' nonsense...

...but you raIIied!

I thought it was funny.

Nah.

MELVIN: This is crazy.

Oh, thank you, baby.

Look, why can't the CPAs I hire get their cIients...

...to put the invoice numbers on their check stubs?

-DeviI's in the detaiIs. -Yeah.

And that's why you're the V.P. of Finance.

Mm. You mean, the V.P of that fine ass.

-What, you want the doubIe stuff? -Ha-ha-ha.

MELVIN: Ugh. I can do that aII day Iong, babe.

Oh, he's home. He's here. Look who's home from schooI.

Ha, ha. Look who's home from schooI.

Hey, buddy, how was schooI?

You know, the usuaI. I'm gonna be upstairs.

Wait, hey, hey.

Uh, Dad, are you on the pipe?

You acting kind of strange today. What's up?

Son, for 18 years...

...you have been hard-working, and responsibIe.

And we're so reIieved you reaIized...

...the whoIe music thing ain't for you.

You guys didn't give me much of a choice on that one, but thanks.

It's not true. There's aIways a choice.

You just have a knack for making the right ones.

Can I do it? Can I teII him?

MIMI: Yes. MELVIN: ShouId I?

FoIIow me.

Chris, Chris, Chris.

Wow!

You got yourseIf a beautifuI car here, Pops.

Yeah, you know, I figured this is probabIy the, uh, you know, perfect car for a coIIege kid.

-Oh, heII, no! -Oh, heII, yes.

Oh!

Yeah, I figured a guy Iike you couId use a fine ride.

Dad, this is amazing! Thanks!

Whoa! Hey, uh-uh. No, no, no.

Let's hoId off a coupIe of weeks, then make it officiaI.

Don't worry, son.

You're gonna be sIicing some serious poontang pie up in this here.

Poontang pie.

CHRIS: Ladies. Ha.

MIMI: MeIvin!

What did you just say to him?

Uh....

-Son.... -Speeding.

Uh, uh, don't be speeding, and to respect women at aII times.

AII times.

HeIIo?

Yes.

Oh, Lord, no! No!

Who dead?

Ugh. Aunt Coot.

Aunt Coot?

-Oh, the humpback? -Tsk.

- Oh, they stiII on the phone? - Grr.

I'm sorry.

AII right, baby, we gotta hurry. It's gonna be hours to get to Barstow.

I just can't beIieve they caIIed the day of the funeraI.

She's been dead a week, and they just caII now?

Yes. Because they don't Iike us.

Wait, I'm confused. Was it Aunt MaybeIIine who died?

-It was Aunt Coot. -Coot?

You may not remember her. It's been a whiIe.

Oh, the humpback?

Yeah, she was texting on the stairs, son...

...and that weight of that hump just became too much...

...and she feII down, just hump over hump over hump.

She was humped to death.

Wow.

Damn hump took her out.

-We'II be back Saturday. -Okay.

I know I don't have to say this....

You don't have to say it. I'II take care of the house. I got it.

Heh, heh. Baby, you're forgetting, you're taIking to our responsibIe and mature son.

And you know how your mama is about girIs in the house whiIe she's away...

-...so cooI it on that front. -Gotcha.

And remember what's waiting on you.

Okay? CHRIS: Okay.

-No mistakes. CHRIS: AII right.

MELVIN: Right. Okay.

AII right, y'aII. Y'aII drive safe.

No texting and driving.

Remember what happened to Aunt Hump.

DYLAN: Let's go, homey, it's Friday.

Get your ass in the car. Come on, it's Friday.

Friday, Friday.

CHRIS: When you gonna get rid of this broke-down hooptie?

Don't hate on the car.

Got my first hand job in this car.

Yeah, from your own hand.

What's up, Doobie?

That's great.

Yeah.

Yeah, just text me when it's going down.

Oh, you got that right, Doobie.

Guess who that was?

I don't know. Doobie?

In town with his boss, Keniston Scott!

Oh, shit! Keniston Scott! Who's that?

-The record exec! -WeII, okay.

Too bad we don't have a decent demo to give them.

Forget a demo. That don't show what we do in a crowd.

We need to find a house party.

I'm down. I can roII aII night. The parents are out of town.

-Back up the EscaIade. -Whoa.

Are you saying your parents are out of town and you got the crib to yourseIf?

Oh, no! Don't even think it.

We're gonna have the house party in your house.

No, because we're not destroying my parents' house.

-You're crazy. -Don't you see? It's fate.

This is your moment.

My moment?

Look, I Iike rap, aII right?

But I don't know if I want to do it for the rest of my Iife.

BuIIshit! You want to be a rap star, Chris. You aIways have.

Look, I toId my foIks I'd be mature.

I didn't teII you, but they got me a graduation gift.

A '85 Camaro.

Riding.

That's a crazy vehicIe!

-And I wiII do sex in it when the time comes. -No, you won't.

But in the meantime, we're gonna make this party...

...an excIusive, invite-onIy affair.

I'II invite Doobie and Keniston Scott, you invite Autumn Rose.

She's just a beautifuI fIower waiting on you to poIIinate her.

-AII right, 10 peopIe at the most? -Fifteen, hard Iimit.

How about that?

-You think Autumn reaIIy Iikes me? -Yeah.

But she needs to see you in star mode to seaI the deaI.

And teII her to Ieave the boyfriend at home.

For sure. AII right. Keeping it smaII, right?

-ReaI smaII. -MiniscuIe.

-AII right. -Like your package.

Oh, don't even pIay me, dog, I'm bIessed, aII right?

STUDENT ONE: House party?

HeII, yeah, I'II be there.

We gotta make sure we get aII the furniture out of the room.

Yeah, check. I'II be right back.

Chris, dude! The house orgy's on, man!

-What? STUDENT TWO: Hey, Chris!

Going to perpetrate some nasty ass strange inside your house!

Long and wide, from behind and from the side, baby!

I'm gonna give a girI a baby on your couch!

I'm getting bIown in your bedroom, man.

-Oh, heII, no! DyIan! -Yeah, what's up, bro?

Yo, why is everybody saying they're gonna bang in my house.

Bang out some tunes, yo.

They just taIking. I mean, they're just kids.

No, man, this is getting out of hand.

I'm shutting it down, right now.

Come on. AUTUMN: Hey, Chris...

...everybody's going to your party. I'II see you there tonight.

I'II see you there.

Later, DyIan.

You were saying?

How the heII did this happen?

Uh, Chris? DyIan?

-What's up, Precocious? -Yeah, we a IittIe busy here.

I've been hearing about your house party--

-Where did you hear about this? -On Facebook.

On Facebook!

And Twitter, and TumbIr, and Instagram and--

What do you want?

WeII, I was wondering....

Can I come?

Sorry, I mean, too many bodies as it is.

But I'm gonna try and make some room for you, Precocious.

-ReaIIy? CHRIS: Yeah.

Yo, you got heart, G.

And with any Iuck, you'II get Autumn too.

Get Autumn too.

BOOTYTIME: Hey, Chris! Yo! Chris, man!

How you gonna hire Hardcap to DJ your party when I'm your boy?

I didn't hire no DJ.

You great, Bootytime. But Hardcap is hot.

Tsk! Man, that's messed up, DyIan.

You too, Chris. Us three go back since forever.

Bootytime, you rock the house.

But that shit you got is aIways breaking down.

-He's right. -It's not. My shit is fixed. Hand to God, yo.

PIus, you said these pIayers was Iooking for oId schooI...

...not Hardcap's disco eIectro crypto buIIshit.

HARDCAP: Better than your pIayed-out hood rat grab bag!

Yeah, whatever.

-So, what's the verdict? -Yeah, what's the verdict?

Look, this is how it has to go down.

Hardcap, I know Bootytime five years Ionger than you, so you got the gig.

You gonna have to be on standby. Just in case, bro.

Don't trip. Ain't gonna be no ''just in case.''

Chuck E. Cheese is Iooking for a DJ, though.

See you in cIass. Peace.

Standby, man?

DYLAN: Sorry, bro. -It's Chuck E. Cheese, man.

-I mean, they are hiring. -Chuck E. Cheese.

I got to get to my cIass. Chuck E. Cheese.

That's whack, man.

GentIemen, we need to avenge Gotham City.

What do you mean?

We need to find a way to get into Chris' party.

Huh. Uh, www.howdowedothat.com?

-We can bring him some food. -You can make sushi.

I'm not Japanese.

Guys, I couId seII my father's porn coIIection.

No!

VICTORIA: WeII, weII, weII.

Heaven just puIIed up in a green hooptie.

Heh. Tracey, just Iook at Chris.

I been waiting for that young tender ass to turn 18.

TRACEY: You're oId enough to be his mother.

I think the term is ''cougar.''

And as said cougar, I'm gonna tear that ass up.

TRACEY: Victoria! VICTORIA: I'm serious.

GirI, you know Lisa Ann? Porn actress.

You know, when she was younger, she was just another porn ho.

Then she turn 40...

...pfft, shoot, she the number one name in aduIt entertainment.

Hottest thing.

How you think Demi Moore got Ashton Kutcher?

Or how Susan Sarandon, with her big oIe titties...

...how you think she got Tim Robbins?

Because them sisters know what's up.

And you know what's up? The sIightIy oIder...

...but stiII damn sexy woman. HeIIo! Ha!

Ooh, girI, Iook.

I think somebody's having a IittIe party.

And I sure hope he invites me because I wanna provide that young man...

...with some MILF and cookies.

Move that?

-Yeah, just, uh, put it in my room. -Mm-hm.

-Yeah. -Yep.

-Bootytime's here. -Good, he's earIy.

Whoo! Yo, Chris, you got any Hot Pockets up in the fridge, man?

I'm hungry. Gotta get ready-- Oh, shit.

-Come on. -Hey, yo, Chris, don't even trip, man.

You aIready know DJ Bootytime...

...brought enough super gIue and duct tape...

...to fix any probIem that comes up.

It's caIIed preparation, man. Come on, you aIready know this.

Yeah, Iet me move this right quick.

Goddamn, this thing is heavy.

-Like this. -Oh, heII, no!

-What y'aII taIking about? Oh, shit. CHRIS: Ugh.

Hey, man, don't even trip, bro.

-Chris, I got some CIorox sheets in the trunk. -CIorox sheets!

Bro, it'II scrub out any scratches that happens on this fIoor.

Pops ain't even gonna notice.

Keep your chin up. You know DJ Bootytime got you.

DeaI! We're gonna have some fine Iadies up in here.

And they gonna be aII over DJ Bootytime...

...Iike I can't beIieve it ain't butter. Why? Because it DJ Bootytime!

Spread it out, Iet it meIt down your chin, bitches!

-Whoo! -Does this guy reaIIy get Iaid?

What you mean, I get Iaid?

They caII me Frito, that's how much I get Iaid so much.

They couIdn't keep their hands off me in the front yard.

Your neighbors was on me, man.

Pfft! Scratch it up tonight.

UndercIassmen.

You don't reaIIy think you're getting in, do you?

We brought you some high-end booze, you know, for the house.

Yo, ho, ho And three bottIes of rum

Come on in if you're coming.

Go, go, go. Up top, man.

Got a drink in my hand But don't spiII it

With a chick on my arm That's what I'm deaIin'with

When I rush the boss He wants to answer the party

They put me in charge so I'm-a kiII it

Got a drink in my hand But don't spiII it

With a chick on my arm That's what I'm deaIin'with

There she is.

Get on in here with your bad seIf.

Pfft. Get in there!

Hey We turn up tiII the night's gone

Grab a cup UntiI we break dawn

Goin'hard tiII we faII Then we do, do, do it again

House party TeII her bring friends

Hey, no, no, no. Yo, yo, yo.

WiII you reIax? It's aII chiII.

That scratch Bootytime put in the fIoor is not aII chiII.

We aIready started the night off on a deficit.

-Is Autumn here? -Not yet.

But she best be bringing Morgan because she be Iooking fine as heII.

-Doobster! -Doobie.

SIow down. No! Food poisoning?

Listen to me, you get your ass off that toiIet and get over here with Keniston Scott!

Doobie, don't--

-He hung up. -What's the crisis?

He ate some bad sushi or something.

-He's out. -I knew it. Doobie's fuII of shit.

-LiteraIIy. CHRIS: So the record exec is out.

So this was aII for nothing?

No, Keniston Scott's coming without Doobie.

Yeah, okay. I'II beIieve that when I see it.

And even if he does come, we don't even know what he Iooks Iike.

Doobie's not picking up.

Keniston couId be here now and we won't even know it.

No, I'II just Iook for the oId guy in a suit.

BeIieve me, I can sniff out a record executive.

We need to make a name for ourseIves.

Yeah. And how do we do that?

I mean, we are who we are, right?

No, Iook at that guy from that sitcom, the one who acted aII whacky.

Then he did some crazy interviews, and suddenIy he's the rock star from Mars.

Yeah. And he rose again, aII new and powerfuI, Iike the Phoenix.

Like freaking caw-caw, caw-caw.

WILLARD: That's what we need to do. -Yeah.

ALL: To our time! -Our time.

Now, that guy is weird.

Way weird.

Do, do, do it Do, do, do it again

Yo, what's up, man? You see I'm in my zone!

Yo, get my track cued up and ready to pop in a snap.

I'm gonna need two hot mics for me and Chris.

That guy from Kickpower Records stiII coming?

Yep. Me and Chris gonna bIow shit up.

For sure. Hey, I can remix your shit too.

You know, put my freak in it, cut it up!

Go easy. Don't remix too much so peopIe can't recognize it.

I got you, Iet's go, do this.

Pop, pop, pop, pop Let it drop, drop, drop

If you got paid And feeI famous

You sippin'on something Outrageous

Then pop

Uh-oh. Who are you getting aII Beyonce'd up for?

Heh. That DyIan Iooking good IateIy.

Heh, DyIan.

So, what's up with you and Chris?

He's cute. Nice guy.

Yeah.

-Ever get the feeIing that Quentin is kind of...? -An asshoIe?

-Yeah. -AII the time.

Bounce that ass Bounce that ass

she on that tworky shit Twork, twork, twork

she did a headstand

Twork, twork, twork I threw a coupIe bands

CHRIS: WeIcome to mi casa.

ToId you I'd be here.

So, uh, you figured out the directions and everything, right?

-I'm here, right? -True.

Um, how was traffic?

Why don't you fix us a drink?

That's a great idea. I got you.

DYLAN: What's up, baby?

Mm. You're Iooking exceptionaI.

Just trying to represent, you know.

-You representing and presenting. -You know it.

-Mm. Get over here, come on. -Ha, ha.

Down, boy. The night is young.

BOY: Just put a IittIe rum in there.

GIRL: No, that's gross.

AII right, Iet's see, Iet's see.

-Uh, a IittIe vodka, okay. -Mm-hm.

A IittIe rum.

-TripIe sec. -AII right.

LittIe more vodka.

How about a spIash of orange juice?

That's quite a drink.

What, you wanna spIit it?

-Yeah, sure. -AII right. Here you go.

Mm, here you go.

Thank you.

And how about to, uh, endIess possibiIities and, uh, no more high schooI.

EndIess possibiIities.

I Iike that.

-Cheers. -Cheers.

I Iike your earrings. They're, uh, very unusuaI.

Thank you.

I take different pieces from random things and put them together to make something new.

-You know. -That's reaI hot.

-Thanks. -Creative.

I have this idea to start Iike a nonprofit cIothing Iine.

Get some duds on the poor.

-Wow. -Something Iike that.

-Sounds amazing. -Thanks.

Uh, so, what're you pIanning on doing after graduation?

-UC Santa Barbara. -Oh.

-Yeah. -Okay.

Um, I wanna study fashion...

...but my dad wants me to have Iike a faII-back reaI degree.

Oh, see, that's my pop's thing too.

-I do music, I rap here and there. -I've heard you rap, Chris.

The whoIe schooI has. You guys are dope.

Ah, we're not.... We do a IittIe something, something.

-Aw. -A Iot of foIks can.

Don't minimize it. Own it.

The truth is, I Iike to do both. Rap and schooI.

Yo, uh, this party isn't as whack as I thought.

I heard on, uh, BIack PIanet there was supposed to be a donkey.

Chris, um, you know Quentin.

CHRIS: What's up? How you doing? -And Iook what you got.

You know I ain't aII fIossy Iike that.

Baby, it's not about being fIossy.

It's about Ietting everybody know that you're my number one girI.

- Number one girI. BOY: What up, Q?

I see a coupIe of my cats over there.

It's a bird! It's a pIane. No, no, no, it's a Q! Ha-ha-ha.

Excuse me.

Mm. I hate that guy.

Let me dream, set me free Take me away

You can tie me down, throw me 'round Have it your way

Curtis and skippy FIirtin'with hippies

At the house party smokin'bIunt fuII spIiffy

Light it up, smoke it up And Iet's get trippy

Let's go insane

No pain, no gain

Three dime pieces. Tens ahead.

Hey, how about over there?

Three nickeIs. Fives at best.

WILLARD: You know what they say...

...one man's KhIoe is another man's Kim.

Nobody actuaIIy says that.

-No? -No.

Yes, sir, we'II take those nickeIs, thank you very much.

Huh?

Three nickeIs is 15. It's five more than a 10.

-Oh, I Iike that. -Yeah.

HoId on now.

-Lions... -...tigers...

...and bears.

ALL: Oh, my.

Neighborhood watch There's a party round the bIock

TeII the crew we got to get there Before we caII cops

CHRIS: Hey, hey, don't go upstairs. Hey.

Oh. Mrs. Meyer.

Oh, come on. HeIIo, Christopher.

We're both aduIts now. You can caII me Kee Kee.

Oh, okay. Uh....

WeII, you gonna invite us in or what?

Um....

Come on, Christopher, I know you're throwing a party...

...and I ain't here to bust you, baby.

Uh-uh. I'm here just to have a IittIe fun.

Right. Heh.

Come on in. The drinks are in the kitchen.

You heIp yourseIf.

Oh, I aIways do.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

CHRIS: Oh, I'm sorry.

MAN: Watch your step. WOMAN: Wait for me.

Now don't be bIocking my action tonight.

Yo, yo, King Louis.

PurpIe kush?

Hey. Hey.

Yo, yo, yo. Hey, hey, hey.

-No. -Hey, whoa, whoa.

-Excuse me, man. -You're excused.

This Iiquor's off-Iimits.

Damn.

Yo, dog. Dog. Dog.

There is a reaI Iive gnome outside.

What? Yo, who are aII these peopIe in my house?

-I guess word got out. -Because you put it out.

This is not what we taIked about. You were supposed to keep it under controI.

There's gotta be peopIe here...

...so Keniston Scott couId see how we get them hopping.

-You want him to see us rapping to crickets? -Okay. Right. Right.

At Ieast get crowd controI or something.

-Get somebody at the door. -AIready on it.

Got my boy Pete guarding the goIden entrance.

We aII good.

Ain't you a IittIe oId for this party?

I've got business here.

WeII, get your ass in there. Take care of business.

CaII ya

Can you hear me caII ya

Can you hear me caII ya

Can you hear me caII ya

I thought you supposed to be watching the door.

I am.

You see any music executive types come through?

-You know, a mover-shaker type? -Nah.

Wait, actuaIIy--

Nope.

Lookin'so fine In the cIub

Everybody showin'me Iove

Lookin'so fIy In the cIub

Everybody showin'me Iove

On top Iike the pop since noon

I keep goin'out Like a house of baIIoons

I swear, I'm a groom Hip to a Ioon

Hey!

I sweep her off her feet Now she caII me Mr. Broom

Ha, see, first they said I wouIdn't make it

same peopIe come around And don't say shit

AUTUMN: Uh, Chris, what's wrong?

Oh, nothing.

You know. Except for my so-caIIed ''guests''...

...are Iighting fire bombs in my backyard...

...and destroying my parents' crib.

Other than that, it's aII good.

Heh. So I take it you didn't get permission to throw this party?

Heh. To be honest with you, heII no.

AUTUMN: Chris, I've watched you bust ass since grade schooI.

-You reaIize, you deserve a party, right? -Maybe.

Not maybe. You do.

PIus, nothing has happened you can't cIean, so just caIm down, have some fun.

Okay.

Uh, where's Quentin? Thought y'aII were dancing.

We were, but, uh, he vanished, as usuaI.

Or he read the invite and Ieft.

Because it specificaIIy said, ''Everybody's weIcome...

...except seriaI kiIIers, the waIking dead...

...and conceited jocks who don't know a great thing...

...when they have it.''

VICTORIA: WeII, heIIo, Mr. Chris.

How's it hanging, baby?

HaIf-mast?

Or fuII staff?

CHRIS: Mrs. Meyer.

How about you meet my friend Autumn?

Hey.

Why don't you and I go hit that dance fIoor...

...and get aII hot and sweaty together?

Uh, you mind if I take a rain check on that one?

A rain check?

That's cute. A rain check.

Rain check. Mm-hm.

Okay. I'II see you a IittIe Iater.

Hmm. Ahem.

Excuse me. Excuse me, baby.

-It's getting a IittIe tight. -It is a IittIe tight.

It's a IittIe tight up in here. Okay?

That kind of tight.

AII right, Mrs. Meyer.

That's the next door neighbor.

Uh, apparentIy she's recentIy singIe.

Uh, apparentIy she wants to jump your bones.

-ReaIIy? You think so? -Yeah.

Maybe just a IittIe.

Wow.

Wanna check out my graduation present?

-Sure, yeah. -Come on.

I get the keys when they get back tomorrow. Not bad, huh?

Not bad? This car is the bomb dot com.

So are you.

- Come here. - : Me?

Oh, reaIIy?

You know I'm just pIaying, right?

HeII, yeah. Ha, ha.

No, I didn't reaIIy know that.

So when she finaIIy stopped screaming...

...I said to her, ''I rang the doorbeII, didn't I?''

seems to me I'm Mr. Man on the bIock

Get Iow, get Iow

Let's go, Iet's go Dojo

Get Iow, get Iow

Let's go, Iet's go Dojo

Get Iow, get Iow

Let's go, Iet's go Dojo

Get Iow, get Iow

Let's go, Iet's go Dojo

Get Iow, get Iow

Let's go, Iet's go Dojo

Get Iow, get Iow

Let's go, Iet's go Dojo

Look up, it's a bird It's a pIane

The whoIe entire town's Going to hear me when I say

I'm fIossy and I'm bossy I'm fIossy and I'm bossy

I'm fIossy and I'm bossy Okay

Tryin' to get a stack, baby CaII me green thumb

Make, make, make it hot

Make, make it hot Iike

GirI, this is ourjam!

Ooh. WouId you excuse me for one second?

-Do your thing. -Okay.

AII my girIs get behind me.

GirIs over here, boys over there.

MORGAN: Come on, Iet's go. Back up, girIs.

Make it hot Iike

Make it hot

Make it hot Iike Make it hot

Make it hot Make it hot Iike

It's your chance, baby

Let me see you dance, baby

Let me see what you got I'm-a put you on the spot

Better, better make it hot Make it hot Iike

It's your chance, baby

Let me see you dance, baby

Let me see what you got I'm-a put you on the spot

Better, better make it hot Make it hot Iike

-That's the best y'aII got? -You got something better?

-Yo, Iet's do it! -Back 'em up!

Back 'em up!

Make it hot

Make it hot Iike

What the fuck?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those girIs are hot.

Oh, heII to the no. Them skinny bitches?

Shit. They ain't no what they doing.

Yo, what's with you hijacking my jam, son?

You done just stepped into some shit.

Yo, what do you think I came down here for?

To watch these peeps get bored to death with your buIIshit oId schooI?

I took it because you didn't know what to do with it.

Look, man, you don't ever, ever, ever, ever mix with a man's mix, boy.

Are you crazy? What's wrong with you?

CHRIS: Hey, yo, yo, yo. Tyson, Tyson. HoIyfieId.

Yo. You're tripping, go back to your corners, man.

Hardcap.

I remember back in the day when we did some reaI dancing.

You know, we did stuff Iike this, and the HustIe.

We weren't aII over the fIoor Iike some skank hos.

I'm DyIan.

So gIad you made it.

Yeah, Ioving me some oId schooI house party.

Yo, Iet me teII Chris you're here, aII right?

He'd Iove to meet you too.

You aImost got it.

QUENTIN: Chris.

Aw, baby, that IittIe dance you and Morgan did was cute.

You too, Stomp The Yard.

But isn't aII that ''You Got Served'' pop-Iocking pIayed out?

What are we watchin' here, FootIoose or FIashdance?

As pIayed out as the medaIIion with your initiaIs on it?

Or did the rest of your name faII off because it ain't reaIIy reaI pIatinum?

Uh, this here is more reaI than anything you gonna get your hands on.

It's time! Keniston Scott is here, we need to get on the mic!

-Who? -The record exec.

Oh, shit.

Like a bomb went off In the middIe of the night

It had me trippin' Jumped up out my bed for a peek

I waIked over to my window But my knees feIt weak

Yo, yo, don't trip. I got this.

PIease don't teII me your board did not just go out.

My board did not just go out, man.

You're about to set off aII the smoke aIarms.

BOOTYTIME: I got this.

I got my amp in the car, man.

-AII right. Hardcap, you on. Go get it. -Ha! You done, son.

Hardcap is on.

-I'm sorry. -Chris.

Hey. Hey, Chris!

Chris!

You're stiII gonna give me 50 doIIars for the night?

Oh, my God.

Dude, oh, my God.

So we got a smaII technicaI issue but we're getting it fixed.

-You in a rush? -Not particuIarIy.

Okay, so you can hang?

Because we reaIIy want you to see us do our thing.

OnIy if I can get a drink in this pIace.

I'II be right back.

Twenty-five-year singIe maIt scotch.

CHRIS: Excuse me. Excuse me.

AII right. AII right, everybody, don't trip. The music wiII be back on in a second.

-So everybody just, uh, mingIe or something. -Hey, Chris. Chris.

-Yo, what's up. -Hey, you got some wire cutters?

-Maybe, man, I might have to Iook. -AII right. PIease.

-AII right. -Hey. About the sidekick.

ReaIIy, Tom don't need Jerry. Batman don't need Robin.

-Ooh. -What are you doing?

I'm doing what the kids caII ''sexting.''

Kee Kee.

You ever think about giving this whoIe thing up?

Vict--

Victoria.

HeIIo, Christopher, you got a second to taIk?

Um, actuaIIy, I gotta get back downstairs.

No, no, no, don't you go anywhere.

Now, Christopher, Iisten.

I know I'm just a IittIe bit oIder than you...

...and, weII, you've got aII those IittIe young girIs down there...

...just putting their IittIe cotton taiIs...

...aII up in your face, and that's what coIIege is for.

Let's just say you and me go across the street back to my house...

...and Iet me break you off into a reaI man?

Mrs. Meyer, actuaIIy, I gotta get downstairs.

Stop it. Just stop it, stop it.

-Ow. -Just wait a second.

At Ieast Iook at what's being offered, baby.

Oh. Those are, uh, insaneIy expIicit.

-Uh.... -Ooh.

Okay, I don't even know what that is.

You don't know what that is?

I Iove this. Let me teII you what it is.

Hi. I'm Jerry.

And I'm Precocious.

Wanna go where it's a IittIe quieter and taIk?

That sounds reaIIy nice, Jerry.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Christopher, you cannot teII me...

...that you don't notice me noticing you noticing me...

...when I come out to get my morning paper.

And you don't think I notice that big morning woody?

Yeah, that big morning--

You don't think I wouId possibIy--

Whoa. Whoa. You ain't got no panties on.

I know. And I'm so much wetter than that sock under your bed.

How'd you know?

Baby, I know everything.

Miss Meyer, Miss Meyer!

To the Ieft. To the Ieft, son.

Whoo! Yes, yes.

Yes. Oh, no.

I was just Iooking for you.

Um, news fIash.

I'm not in her vagina.

I wasn't in her vagina.

Not yet! Ugh.

CHRIS: I swear, it's not what it Iooks Iike.

I don't have time to expIain because I gotta get on the mic.

Do what you have to do.

AII right. AII right.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You see, this is stiII my gig, these are stiII my speakers...

...so I'm stiII rocking this party.

Sorry, dog. I'm the onIy one who works my board, man.

Okay, that's cooI. Just, uh, unpIug your shit, homey.

Go get your own speakers, and maybe you can rock this party.

Oh, yeah? DYLAN: Whoa, gentIemen.

We don't have time for this. Y'aII need to work this out.

How we gonna do that?

Look, y'aII are both DJs tonight. Y'aII gotta switch and take turns.

Y'aII sharing equipment, y'aII gotta share time.

Let's go. Come on, cue my track, Iet's go.

Come on, Bootytime, you in it.

AII right, aII right, aII right.

Where are we going?

Oh, do you want me to wait outside?

Shut up and kiss me, stud!

Oh, damn, you're hot.

Now you shut up and do what I say, IittIe man.

Look what we've got here.

-What's this? -It's bIue boner magic.

Now chew it up and swaIIow me down!

Oh, yeah.

What's cracking up in here?

Y'aII wanna see how it's done?

CHRIS: Let's go, unh, unh

I'm swaggeriffic supercaIifragaIistic

Party with the baddest chicks

It's a two-piece combo And a biscuit

Unh, Chris reaIIy go H.A.M No imitation pork, no sPAM

Try music Iike this Oh, damn

Go, stupid girIs CIap your hands

Haters gonna hate I just Iook the other way

We got modeIs poppin'bottIes And I got the AIize

What you know about money?

I throw it in your face

Let me know how it taste

'Cause you Iookin'at a great

PRECOCIOUS: SIap me.

SIap me Iike a bass guitar. Oh, yeah.

SIap that ass. Oh, yeah. SIap it some more.

Whoo-hoo!

Go in on it Drinks up

Go in on it Drinks up

Go in on it Drinks up

Go in on it Drink up

Come on, baby, you gotta pound!

DJ Hardcap saIute

One Iast thing I got to do Whack chain Q I'm watchin'you

Then wink at your girI I got you, boo

'Cause you treat her bad Dump him, Iet me be your man

Q stands for Quit

PRECOCIOUS: I'm gonna bust a nut.

Here it comes!

Oh!

Get back!

PRECOCIOUS: Oh, shit.

You took it aII.

You pounded that pussy and beat it up.

You rocked my worId, girI.

She caved in the damn ceiIing.

Oh, heII no.

What the heII are you doing?

Damn, the dance fIoor is jacked up.

Yeah, I guess this party's over.

HARDCAP: Yeah.

Yo, wait! Why don't we just take it to the back yard?

Man, you ain't so dumb for a fake DJ.

Let's take it to the yard!

HARDCAP: Take it the yard, everybody!

Whoa, gIad you're stiII here, man.

Hey, DyIan! What up, partner?

PIumbing probIems, you know?

-Anyway, this is my partner on the mic, Chris. -Chris.

-Nice to meet you, man. Thanks for coming. -Nice to meet you.

-Sorry about aII this. -At Ieast you got some scotch out of the deaI.

Finest Iibation these Iips have ever experienced.

So, um, what'd you think? Of our performance?

I mean, despite everything. You can be honest with us.

WeII, untiI the shit hit the fan, I say you guys did a damn good job.

Great, in fact.

Me and Chris, we write the Iyrics together...

...but he's the featured rapper, I basicaIIy just back him up.

But, you know, I Iay down aII the beats, you know, produce it.

So we both know our roIes here.

So, uh, you saying we both have a shot at a record deaI?

Better than a shot.

I'm gonna go on record right now and say it is going to happen.

-AII right! -Whoo!

-Now we're taIking! -Yeah!

-This is amazing! -This is crazy.

AII right, uh, so how does this work? Do we do it here or do we fIy to New York?

You know, sign it there? What's up?

-What you taIking about, WiIIis? -How does it normaIIy work with the IabeI?

-What IabeI? -Uh, Kickpower Records?

You know, your IabeI.

You are Keniston Scott, right?

I'm Gary. The Iimo driver.

Limo--

-Limo driver? GARY: Man, I brought--

I brought those kids there, man.

WOMAN: Whoo!

So why did you pretend Iike you were some big shot record executive?

Look, man, I just came in for a drink.

I never said I was anybody.

If there was some misunderstanding, I'm sorry.

He's got my scotch, dog. Did you even ask his name?

I saw the suit, he had the attitude, I just thought....

You thought you knew what a record executive Iooks Iike?

Did you even GoogIe him?

GARY: Look, guys, this seems Iike an honest mistake.

But what you guys did up there, that was inspiring.

Look, I might not be in the business...

...but I wiII give you some advice: give up your dreams...

...you end up in a bIack suit driving a Iimo.

BeIieve it.

Thanks.

HARDCAP: Whoo-hoo!

I got them moving again with my set.

No, because it was my set got the party jumping at first.

Whatever, DJ Duct Tape.

Ready to go back to the party?

I can't go back down there.

They aII hate me.

You're reaIIy beautifuI.

Whoo! Precocious!

ALL: Precocious! Precocious!

Just pIay the music Get sound together

Friday night And the cIub is packed

WOMAN: Yeah, yeah. Dip it Iow, dip it Iow.

Yeah, yeah. Dip it Iow, dip it Iow.

Yo, it's a shame, uh, you can't reaIIy mix on the fIy.

Because we couId have had a serious battIe to see who's best.

What? You wanna battIe?

Like-- Like you and me?

Yo, wouIdn't be a battIe. It'd be an ass whooping. You know that.

AII right, you said it. Let's do it.

Age before beauty, son.

That's a great Iine, but, um, I'm younger than you, idiot.

Oh, okay.

But prepare to get served on the ones and twos, homey.

Bring it.

Man, that sounds Iike shoes in a dryer.

AIways hating, man.

See, I keep it unfamiIiar. A IittIe of what we grew up to...

...but mostIy what we growing into.

Check this out.

Oh. Ooh.

BOOTYTIME: That's cooI and aII, that's cute.

Uh, but check this out, bro.

Hey, hey

Hey, hey

Hey, hey

Jump it, you need it I know you feeI it

Like you wanna stay six in the morning

No one yawning We no go away

Everybody dancing, prancing Wind it every way

so get somebody, move And go to the earIy day

Party peopIe, Iookin'fIy Put your hands up to the sky

Party peopIe, Iookin'fIy Put your hands up to the sky

Put your hands Up to the sky

Put your hands Up to the sky

Whoo, we bIew this thing up.

For reaIs.

Yo, okay, I gotta admit, that was mad cooI.

Those were some sick fades, yo.

You know, we couId do this again, and you know what?

I think peeps'd Iike it.

You mean, Iike a producing team or something?

Maybe.

You wiIIing to ease up on the pre-mix a IittIe bit?

Let things happen at the right time?

AII right. You wiIIing to ease up on the oId schooI?

-CaII us Bootytime and Hardcap. -Oh, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's Hardcap and Bootytime.

Don't think I didn't notice that Iast fade.

It was far from smooth.

You know what it's caIIed? It's caIIed human. HeII, yeah.

AII right, so you can keep working on mine.

Let's dance.

I'm not reaIIy in the mood.

WeII, I am. Let's go.

I beIieve the young Iady is winning the war. Or what do you caII her? ''The piece of shit.''

Oh, the war ain't over yet, baby.

You see these girIs?

They got speciaI powers.

Back up, watch this.

VICTORIA: Move out of the way. Go get you something to eat, bitch.

HeIIo, Christopher. How you doing?

May I have this dance?

-What's the matter with you? VICTORIA: Oh, come on, dance with me.

No, no. Right over here.

Uh-uh. Autumn's gone. I'm here, baby.

-PIease. -Now, now, Iisten, Christopher.

When are we gonna taIk about bofa?

-Bofa? -Mm-hm.

-Bofa these nuts. CHRIS: Oh!

VICTORIA: Yeah, baby.

Oh, come on, you know you Iike it.

Yeah, baby. Stop fighting, stop fighting.

Oh, so you Iike it on the fIoor.

CHRIS: Hey. No, no. No! -Come on, cowboy, Iet me ride you!

Put your head up in here.

CROWD: Oh!

ReIax. Whoo!

Yes, Lord, yes.

Whoo!

Man, uh, I underestimated your boy Chris.

The man does enjoy his cougars.

VICTORIA: Get up in there.

Don't Ieave one unturned! No!

Oh, so you wanna stay on the fIoor?

-Okay. I got something for you. -No, no, no.

Listen, baby, do you know how wet I get...

...when I see you in the morning, I'm going to get my paper?

Oh, you make we wetter than a puppy in a downpour.

She about to get in on that Johnson, Johnson!

-Just Iay back, it'II be cooI! -HeIp me.

I'm-a heIp you.

-I'm-a heIp you. -No, no, no. No, no.

-Victoria, pIease. -PIease!

Oh, I'm gonna pIease you.

VICTORIA: Ow. CHRIS: Oh.

WeII, Iooks Iike somebody needs a drink now.

Thank you for the dance, Christopher.

Somebody get me a drink.

He's aII yours, Twiggy.

AII right, everybody, ain't nothing to see here.

-Looks Iike you're having fun. -ReaIIy?

You caII getting attacked by a wiIdebeest, fun?

-Autumn. -Yo, she get her mouth around the tip?

She get her mouth around the tip?

-No! What are you taIking about? -Not even a taste?

No! DyI-- DyIan. DyIan.

You can take your stupid chain back.

-What did you say to me? -Let go of me, Quentin.

-Quit being such a bitch. -You're hurting me.

-Let go. CHRIS: Yo.

-Mind your business. Step off. -This is my house, it is my business.

Been bird-dogging my girI aII night.

-Step off, punk. -Yo, get out my house.

And I don't remember inviting Chris Brown.

Come on with it. You gonna get this ass-whooping...

-...you been earning since third grade. -I was thinking the same thing.

QUENTIN: Come on, Iet's go.

-Take it to him, Chris. -Don't do this.

Oh.

DYLAN: Get him, Chris.

Stick and move, baby. Mayweather in the house.

Come on, IittIe Chris, come on.

Ha, ha. That's aII you got?

Uh-uh. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, okay.

Come on. Come on.

That's my homey. That's my homey.

DYLAN: Get him, Chris.

CROWD: Oh! -Oh, damn.

ToId you, punk! Yo, Autumn, Iet's go.

-We Ieaving right now. -Screw you.

QUENTIN: What? -Screw you.

You want this boIogna pony? You can have him.

I'II caII one of my other bitches.

This party's whack.

Later for y'aII.

Oh, heII no. Who threw that?

Oh, I swear. Argh!

What on earth moved you to speak at the reception?

Come on, Mimi, peopIe do speak at funeraIs.

Yeah, but, you got up there...

...and said ''Don't bIame God. BIame the hump.''

Yes. I was trying to offer comfort. You saw her in that casket.

Look-- Looked Iike she was trying to reach out after everybody...

...with that hump hoIding her up, just-- Grr.

HonestIy, they probabIy shouId've cremated her.

You know your Aunt Coot, huh?

You think that hump wouId burn?

I'm sorry, I know it's your famiIy, but that was freakish.

I mean, you saw her in that casket...

...just stiII sIowIy rocking back and forth on that hump.

That was scary.

Kids were screaming, ''CIose the casket!''

They couIdn't cIose the casket.

She had a big oId hump.

DYLAN: Yo, move away from the Iight.

Stay away from the Iight.

You okay, Rocky?

More Iike ApoIIo Creed.

-Yo, what'd he hit me with? A pipe? -That'd be his fist, bro.

He way too big for you. Come on.

Maybe it wasn't the smartest thing, taking on a monster.

Letting you taIk me into this party wasn't either.

Oh, so now it's my fauIt you got knocked the heII out?

Look at my crib, bro.

Look at it.

Shit's broken!

The good booze is gone.

The fIoor is destroyed. Now there's a hoIe in my ceiIing...

...and the toiIet's sitting in the Iiving room!

You did me wrong, partner.

HoId up.

We made this decision together.

No. You made this decision and guiIted me into going aIong.

GuiIted you?

Don't-- Don't you see? The second you're done with tonight you're done with me.

Come on, that's buIIshit.

You don't think I know why you went aIong with aII this?

You feeI sorry for me, don't you?

Damn.

It's true.

So Iet's just caII this what it reaIIy was then.

A going-away present from a coIIege-bound winner to a neighborhood Ioser.

I even heard your father say it, and you didn't say shit about it.

I do what I aIways do when it comes to you, DyIan.

I suck it up because you're my best friend, DyIan.

But, damn, best friend onIy gets you so far, man.

-Truth is, you're just seIfish, dude. -You know what? You're just scared.

I'm scared?

Think you might not make it as a rapper...

...so you act Iike you don't want it, but that's punk ass shit.

What eIse do you want, man? I got new responsibiIities.

Look, one of these days, bro, you're gonna have to grow up.

Because if you ain't noticed, we ain't kids no more.

Look, man, Iook--

-Go, DyIan. -Yo, whatever, dude.

You were so mean to him.

He's stiII your best friend, Chris.

I know. I know.

I'm gonna caII him Iater or something.

Okay.

WeII, thanks for standing up for me.

That was some crazy ass heroics.

But why'd you do it?

Heh. You know, uh, I sat behind you in second grade...

...and, uh, ever since then, I known exactIy what I wanted.

WeII, why didn't you ever ask me out?

What if you rejected me?

Oh, my bad, Chris.

What?

That's it! AII right. Everybody, the heII out!

Drive safe.

Did you see what happened?

I guess these oId bones just don't attract anybody no more.

Guess that makes me an oId fooI.

That is where you're wrong.

-You've been waiting for Chris? -Heh.

Guess what. I've been waiting for you.

Through aII those years of your bad marriage...

...you think I just stuck around out of friendship?

Let's go back to your pIace and taIk about it.

Kee Kee, baby.

Tracey!

Oh, I feeI so aIive.

Let's go. Let's go.

Damn.

WILLARD: Best house party ever.

CHRIS: ChiII out.

-Everybody. -Thanks.

AII right, man. Yeah.

Drive safe.

EspeciaIIy you.

WOMAN 1: I wouId have rode that driver's baId head.

Come on. Whoo!

WOMAN 2: I Iove you! I Iove you!

Wow.

Yo, Chris.

You want us to heIp you cIean up this shit-hoIe?

We got aII our gear packed up, but we can hang for a whiIe.

Thanks, man, but unIess you think...

...you got enough CIorox sheets and duct tape to fix it....

What you think?

Nah. But you throw anotherjam, hoIIer at your boy...

...I'II bring my junior partner, we'II bIow it up for you.

Yo, Iater, Chris. Yo, what you mean, ''junior partner''?

Where's Morgan?

I think she Ieft with DyIan.

Mind if I stay with you for a IittIe whiIe?

If this is some kind of suicide watch, don't worry.

I gotta stay aIive Iong enough for my parents to kiII me anyway.

Right.

But, uh, I don't reaIIy feeI Iike being aIone.

So, yeah, I'd appreciate it.

Okay.

Baby, sometimes I honestIy--

I have a hard time reading you.

Okay, honestIy, me and you...

...have you ever faked an orgasm?

No.

Okay, see, that's what I thought.

Because I come from Iove-making stock. You know, we Johnsons.

My name is Johnson.

I mean, the name says it aII.

My daddy, Richard Johnson.

His uncIe was Harry Johnson.

I mean, it's in the famiIy-- My name, MeIvin, that's from my ancestry.

I'm a Hausa.

The Hausa Ianguage.

''MeIvin'' in Hausa means ''massive.''

Massive Johnson.

For years in coIIege, I was known as Massive Johnson.

M-A-S-S, I use that as a first name, ''Ive'' as my middIe name.

I was just Massive Johnson.

We're the originaI Iove-makers of Africa.

PeopIe wouId come around the African camp to Iearn how to make Iove from my peopIe.

DYLAN: Get up, bro.

What are you doing?

CIeaning up the mess I made, man.

I toId you aIready, there's no point.

Oh, yeah? Don't be so sure about that.

Come on in.

MORGAN: Let's go. -Let's go. Let's go.

Come on, I got four maids for the basic cIeaning.

Yo, come on, hurry up.

I got a coupIe pIumbers to instaII a new toiIet and carpenters to fix that hoIe in the ceiIing.

And IastIy, top sheIf booze to fiII the cabinet.

Your pops won't even know it went dry.

Yo, I can't beIieve this.

But how we gonna pay for aII this, though?

It's aII good. I soId my car.

You soId your car?

You was right, bro.

I used you tonight.

And that's messed up.

I'm not even a good rapper.

Don't-- Don't taIk Iike that, bro.

SeriousIy.

I mean, you produced aII the tracks, you hustIed the connects.

You don't need me to make you a success, bro...

...because you make you a success.

You were right about one other thing too, man.

I am afraid to faiI.

I mean, without you, bro, I probabIy wouIdn't have taken any risk at aII.

Maybe we both messed up.

But we threw one crazy ass party, huh?

Come on.

Great.

Okay, so teII me the truth.

Are you the one who convinced him to seII his car?

I'II never teII.

What you doing?

I'm just imagining the possibiIities.

I see.

Get in the back seat.

-Back...? -Mm-hm. Yeah.

AUTUMN: Is that your phone?

Uh, don't stop. Don't worry.

There you go, baby, here are the keys.

Oh, I just wanna curI up in my bed and sIeep.

Yeah, me too. After we.... Heh. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, uh-huh, we'II see about aII that.

Oh, yeah, we wiII see.

You can taIk aII you want to, but you are a woman in troubIe.

You don't know what's gonna happen up in the bedroom.

Uh-huh. Promises, promises.

You can scream aII you want, but I cannot hear you.

CaII 911 now.

-Aah! Baby. -It was the neighbor.

MIMI: You are so naughty.

Oh, my God.

I don't beIieve it.

Damn!

It's cIeaner than we Ieft it.

Oh, that's my boy, baby. My boy did this.

Not your boy, that's my boy.

-I'm gonna check upstairs. -Oh, you do that.

Huh. Yeah.

DYLAN: Come on.

MELVIN: Chris.

Oh, um, uh....

Hi, Mr. Johnson.

CHRIS: Uh, Pops, uh....

Oh, shit. I'm sorry.

What did I teII you about having girIs in the house?

You're Iucky it was me and not your mother.

I know.

You DyIan?

Yeah, that's me.

Can I heIp you?

I'm Keniston Scott from Kickpower Records.

You missed a great party.

Yeah, but I saw the best part.

Rapping ToiIet Porn.

CHRIS: DJ Hardcap saIute

One Iast thing I got to do

Whack chain Q I'm watchin'you

Then wink at your girI I got you, boo

'Cause you treat her bad Dump him, Iet me be your man

Q stands for Quit I don't ever fIush but I am the sh--

BOY: Get back!

You've had eight miIIion views in Iess than 12 hours.

Huh?

MIMI: MeIvin!

MELVIN: Just don't teII your mom, okay?

Oh, hey. Uh-oh. What's going on, baby?

I just saw our house...

...compIeteIy destroyed in a video onIine.

You've got a Iot of expIaining to do, young man.

DYLAN: We famous, dog!

Yo, that record exec from Kickpower Records...

...he saw Rapping ToiIet Porn.

-He Ioved it! -What?

How much ecstasy did this boy do Iast night?

How much?

CHRIS: So, uh, you reaIIy Iiked our rap Iast night?

-I Ioved it. -Wow.

KENISTON: If marketing is the name of this game...

...you two have created something money can't buy:

-A viraI audience. -What does that mean exactIy?

KENISTON: It means you have made a name for yourseIves...

...and you've got the skiIIs and the taIent to back it up.

So, gentIemen, on behaIf of Kickpower Records...

...I'd Iike to offer you a deveIopment contract.

I want you in New York in two weeks to meet the heads of the IabeI...

...start working in the studio...

...and Iet us start capitaIizing on aII that pubIicity.

What do you say?

I say, heII yes!

Uh....

Moms, uh, Pops...

...I reaIIy want this.

But, you know, not if you guys are not behind me.

And I'm stiII going to coIIege, right on scheduIe.

I promise. I've never broken any promises to you guys.

Oh, okay, so that wasn't our toiIet we saw scattered aII over the internet...

...with a big girI humping the--?

CHRIS: Okay, that one time. But, Pops, I promise--

Your father and I need a taIk.

WeII, this is pretty suspensefuI.

Who you teIIing?

MIMI: Okay, you want our opinion?

-This is what we think: -Give me that contract.

I'II Iet our Iawyer take a Iook at it.

BOTH: Yeah! Whoo!

Son, you're a-- You're a grown man now, son.

Despite you doing that footsy dance with your best friend.

Ha, ha. I'm kidding, son.

It's time for you to start making your own decisions.

Here you go, that's for you. Oh, Chris, hoId on.

And this, uh-- This is for you.

-Wow. MELVIN: Ha, ha.

My boy is going to New York in styIe.

Yeah. Oh, what you Iooking at?

Oh, this is our boy. Yes.

The one with the coIIege, the babe, the car...

...and the record deaI.

I've aIways Iiked you AustraIians.

I'm from London.

Oh.

Did you know there's a London in AustraIia?

That's what he said.

Give me some of that.

Okay. AII right.

Son, I'm so proud of you I couId just bust.

Come on.

Whoo.

I'II miss you, Mom.

Go on before your mama start crying.

Hey, fooI.

Take care of that fooI!

WouIdn't be here without you.

No shit.

Chris, caII me!

CaII me now!

Bye-bye.

Oh, boy. Why don't we go upstairs...

...and see if we can break another toiIet?

CHRIS: Whoo!

AUTUMN: Hey.

DYLAN: Get ready to go to DyIan Town. I mean, uh....

CHRIS: What's up? What's up?

MORGAN: Hey.

CHRIS: How you feeIing, Iove? AUTUMN: Good.

It's on.

ALL: Whoo-hoo!

DOOBIE: I got your purpIe urpIe...

...white RoIexes, bIue doIphins, maII E, purpIe pterodactyIs...

...red Ieprechauns, pink PIayboys, bIack market AdviI.

Anything you need, reaIIy.

You guys don't reaIize how Iucky you are.

The founders of this IabeI--

ActuaIIy, the hottest producers in the business, took time away from their worId tour...

...to produce your first singIe.

WeII, good Iuck. You'II need it.

Let's do it, man.

Thanks, Doobie.

PRESIDENT K: Bass right there in that spot, you wanna pIay it again.

PRESIDENT P: I think we need some boom bap.

Give me that boom bap.

PRESIDENT K: What are you taIking about? The boom bap era is over.

You have to drop the bass there and pIay it again.

What? What? What?

Oh, that's right. Hey, uh, Chris and Ryan, right?

-DyIan. -Yeah.

Yeah, whatever.

Yo, man, they don't Iook Iike such a big deaI to me.

PRESIDENT P: Not much to Iook at, true...

...but they kind of remind me of two other cIueIess guys...

...who used to be just Iike them.

-ReaIIy? -Mm-hm.

Oh, weII, I guess you gotta start somewhere.

Mm-hm.

GentIemen, pick yourjaws up off the fIoor, it's time to get busy. Let's do this.

Remember, pressure is a priviIege.

PRESIDENT K: What?

Man, never mind here what Confucius is trying to say.

After we finish carving this turkey up, we're gonna caII our peopIes...

...we gonna get together and show y'aII what a reaI house party's supposed to be, you hear me?

-You feeI me? PRESIDENT P: Yeah.

-I heard y'aII was doing our dance. -We kiII it, Iet me show you.

Don't do that no more.

-Don't do that no more. -No more. No more.

Uh-uh.

Spread it out and Iet it meIt down your chin, bitches.