All language subtitles for The.Trip.S04E04_English

EMMA: We've been here anyway.
YOLANDA: Yeah.

- ROB: Hello.
- There they are, hello.

Hello.

- YOLANDA: Hey, how are you?
- All right.

Nice to see you again.
Nice to see you again.

- Do we do both, hiya.
- Nice to see you, too.

- Hello.
- You all right? Nice to see you.

- Yeah, good, how are you?
- Very good.

- EMMA: Good.
- Nice to see you.

STEVE: You look fantastic.
YOLANDA: Thank you.

Right. Photograph.

Yes, at the Epidaurus, the theatre.

Since Greece is the birthplace of drama.

- Good.
- A bit on the nose.

Steve, it was your idea.

- Was it?
- Yeah.

(YOLANDA CHUCKLES)

- Uh, great. Let's do it.
- Okay. (CHUCKLES)

Okay. Give me a hand.

Do you want a hand?
Do you want Steve to help?

No, I'm all right, actually, thank you.

Sure, well, you know,
I don't wanna, you know,

tread on your newly empowered toes.

EMMA: Of course, well,
after you then, sir.

ROB: It's hot, if I was looking
for one word…

- YOLANDA: It's hot.
- … to describe this weather,

you'd be hard pushed to find a better
word than hot, wouldn't you?

STEVE: Mad dogs, English men, and…

ROB: Welshmen.

ROB: Ohh, it's very hot.

EMMA: I know it's hot.

- Masks.
- EMMA: Comedy. Tragedy.

STEVE: This is… They look like
BAFTAs, is that the idea?

EMMA: Yeah, it does look like a BAFTA.

Here we are,
you're on familiar ground.

I've got tragedy,
are you happy with that?

- Comedy?
- Um, I don't know. What do you reckon?

- I'd go with that.
- Comedy. You're known…

You're a titan of comedy.

I should have the smile because
of the number of BAFTAs I've won.

And I should have the frown
'cause I've spent a week with you.

- Come on, let's do it.
- On the other hand, Rob is known

for accessible light entertainment.
Smiley face.

Yeah.

And I'm now known for dramatic roles

- because I got a BAFTA nomination…
- (ROB SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

… for playing Stan Laurel.

For impersonating a comedian.

So we give it back to you.

I wasn't really
impersonating a comedian, though,

because BAFTA, the nomination
was for best acting…

- It certainly was. Mmm.
- … in a drama.

Guys, can you take off your hats.

ROB: What?
YOLANDA: Hats.

- EMMA: Take off your hats.
- Okay.

Right, I'm gonna burn without a hat.

Okay, well, we'll do it quickly.

- I'm not sure…
- Why is he on a higher level?

This is just exacerbating
the height thing.

You can go on the same level.

I don't think Rob
can be on the same level.

Oh, you're talking physically, I see.

- I've got it, Okay, yep, yep, yep.
- Oh, yes, yeah.

STEVE: What about these tourists?

YOLANDA: They won't appear in the photo.

- What?
- I'll paint them out of the photo.

- You'll paint them out?
- Yeah, yeah.

Can you paint Rob out?

- It's hot. It's hot.
- No, I can't.

Okay.

Try and do
like the proper Greek actors,

- like a proper drama.
- Oh, yeah.

As if we're all Greek actors. Right,
I'll stab you. That will come easy.

- Ready? Go on.
- Yeah, some kind of drama there.

- Yeah.
- Sing Goddess Achilles

rage black and murderous
that cost the Greeks incalculable pain.

And cast countless souls
of heroes into Hades'

- black, dark, pit.
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

- I am from BAFTA.
- (LAUGHTER)

And I'm afraid, your performance,
whilst impressive,

didn't quite meet the criteria.

♪ It's a tragedy

♪ When a feeling's gone
and you can't go on

♪ It's a tragedy

♪ When the morning cries
and you don't know why

♪ It's hard to bear

♪ With no one beside you
You're goin' nowhere ♪

STEVE: Can you sort of…

Yeah, but it's not a tragedy, is it?

That's just depression.

Well, that's what a doctor would say.

But Barry's not a doctor,
Barry's a wordsmith,

so he's employing his poetic licence.

♪ Tragedy ♪

Look at this rubbish here, look at that.

♪ When a feeling's gone
and you can't go on ♪

- Come on, come on, Greece.
- The bloody Greeks.

Come on, Greece, 2,500 years.

Hi, it's Emma.

Hello, hi, yeah.

I'm just checking that you're there,
we're about to pull in.

Great, brilliant, all right then. Fab.

Hi, Yugov.

- Hi, Emma, welcome.
- Nice to meet you, how you doing?

So you're gonna meet them
tomorrow with the car.

- Yes, yes.
- Yeah, Okay, brilliant. Thank you.

Where does the ferry go from?

- The ferry's down there on the right.
- EMMA: Okay, brilliant.

- Have a good time.
- Bye, Yugov. Thank you so much.

EMMA: There's no cars allowed on Hydra.

- Really?
- EMMA: Gotta get the ferry.

- That's good.
- EMMA: Yeah, it is good.

(SQUEALS)

- Hi.
- Hi.

I can take your bags?

Amazing. We're gonna stay at the Hydrea.

- Yes.
- Where is the Hydrea?

- It's over there, very near.
- Okay, great.

And you'll take it to reception?
All the bags?

Okay, brilliant, so everyone
just leave their bags.

MAN: Okay. Leave the bags.
EMMA: Okay.

STEVE: Thank you. Cheers, thanks.

You've got a trolley.

I'm not sure about donkeys.

A bit Shirley Valentine.

Tom Conti will turn up in a minute,
pretending to be Greek. (CHUCKLES)

Hello, everybody, hey, welcome
the island. Innit.

- He got an Oscar nomination for that.
- EMMA: Did he?

STEVE: Yeah.
ROB: I was doing Harry Enfield, Stavros.

This is very me.

Hello, hi.

- Hey, hello, welcome.
- We're here to check in. Hi.

How are you?
I'm Thanos, welcome to the island.

- Hi. Thank you.
- Welcome to our hotel.

How are you? Welcome.

Can I get everyone's passports?

Thank you very much.

We're going to Omilos restaurant,
do you know where it is?

Yeah, it's very close.

Just around the corner.

Brilliant, Okay, I'm starving,
shall we go there now?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

(SIZZLING)

EMMA: Ugh. Rather hot.

STEVE: It's hot enough
to boil a monkey's bum.

ROB: (IMITATES AL PACINO)
Very hot. A lot of heat.

EMMA: Yeah.

Everywhere. Heat. Look how hot it is.

(IMITATES PACINO) Can you do
his young voice, like when he was in…

- This is really nice quality wine.
- ROB: Yeah?

STEVE: Nice bottle of wine.

Seventy percent sauvignon
blanc and thirty percent…

STEVE: Sauvignon blanc.

- You disrespect the family.
- (LAUGHING)

You disrespect the family, Rob.

WAITER: Is there anyone
that would like to try it?

STEVE: Let the lady try,
let the lady try it, Rob.

EMMA: There we go.

Yes, lovely, thanks.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(IMITATES PACINO)
I'm in the dark here, Charlie.

Scent Of A Woman. I'm in the dark.

Where am I?

I'm putting my gun together.

- You look like you're…
- I look like I'm signing to someone.

Why do you do the licky
tongue thing? He doesn't do that.

You're like a lizard.

You gotta watch The Devil's Advocate,

the last scene, oh…

That's where I get it from.

- He doesn't do it like that.
- It doesn't resonate, the licking.

There's no… He doesn't do…
People don't go,

"Oh, yeah, cause Al Pacino was always
sticking his tongue out and looking…"

- No one's… No one…
- Such heat. Ohh.

Very deep.

Can't do him when he was younger,
you can't do Al Pacino in The Godfather,

you disrespect the family.

That's not him
in The Godfather, my friend.

- You disrespect the family.
- That's Joe Pesci.

- No, Joe Pesci is, you disrespect…
- You think that's funny?

You actually think I'm a clown?
You laugh at me?

What, I make you laugh?
I make you laugh.

I make you laugh? I amuse you?

I amuse you?

- Amuse?
- Amuse?

- I amuse you?
- I shot a moose. In upstate New York.

Oh, God, you're doing it.

- The young Al Pacino…
- But you don't do it, yeah…

Yeah.

You were just doing like this.
He's not like that. He's like…

- He's got, you know, it's a…
- My first wife said…

Sex without love is an empty experience.

But as empty experiences go,
it's one of the best.

The young Al Pacino had a much
softer voice, he talked like this.

In Dog Day Afternoon,
very soft, like that, very sing-song.

(IMITATES PACINO) Yeah, but you got
the pronunciation wrong.

- He said dawg day afternoon.
- Dog day afternoon.

- Dawg, you say dawg.
- Go listen my friend, go listen to it.

- He said dawg. It's not…
- Bobby got under the table, watch the…

He goes round with his gun,
"What's this, a squirrel?

"We got a squirrel. Get out of here."

(IN NORMAL VOICE) One of the bank
employees is hiding under the table.

- Yeah.
- He says… He's nervous, Al is nervous.

"What is this, a squirrel?
Get out of here, get out of here."

I will never challenge his Neil Kinnock.

I will never dream of it.
But the young Pacino,

and the old Pacino,
I think we're neck and neck.

Uh…

With the old one.

And I'm ahead with the young.
He does a better De Niro.

And that's how
the world should be, shouldn't it?

EMMA: It is how it works, isn't it?

- That's how the world should be.
- Some people are good at it.

STEVE: I, uh…

WAITER: So, right here we go,
the seabass carpaccio.

Here you are.

STEVE: Oh.

EMMA: Wow, amazing.
YOLANDA: Wow, it looks amazing.

EMMA: Delicious, thank you.
ROB: Thank you very much.

EMMA: Jackson Pollock.

STEVE: Seriously.
EMMA: Yeah.

- It's Okay, I don't think…
- Do you think he made it?

Like was he was over it
in the kitchen doing that?

Well, maybe Pollock
had a few carpaccios,

- and that was what inspired him.
- Just a little more. There we go.

STEVE: So, it's, sort of, the lemon
kind of, cooks it, doesn't it?

YOLANDA: It's really lemony.

- That is delicious. And it's also…
- EMMA: Oh, my God. So good.

… kind of what you want
in this heat, yeah?

YOLANDA: Hmm. Totally.

It's what you want in the heat.

(PANS CLATTERING)

- How are your kids, Rob?
- Good, thank you.

Good.

Um, Chloe is ten, Charlie is four.

- Wow.
- They're a handful.

- (CHUCKLES) Well…
- How's yours?

- Very well, thanks, she's four.
- Yeah?

Would you have another one,
do you think, at your age now?

I just think at a certain age it's
probably not fair on the kids, is it?

- You know.
- No.

Keep you young, though, look at Jagger.

Have you seen that clip of him
after he had his operation?

I've seen that where he's dancing
in front of a mirror.

Where he's dancing, yeah.
It's amazing.

STEVE: How long was it
after his operation?

I don't know, not long, here, look.

- YOLANDA: Pretty soon after.
- Really?

- YOLANDA: It's incredible.
- Let me have a look.

But he has many young children, right?

So he needs to keep fit.

So pretty soon he'll be
the only man in Britain

with an earlier bed time than his child.

(EMMA LAUGHS)

- Don't wanna go to bed.
- EMMA: Or in nappies.

I wanna stay up, watch The One Show.

- EMMA: He can share their nappies.
- (MOUTHING)

ROB: Hang on, he's found it,
I hope he has,

either that or he's having
some sort of a fit.

- (EMMA LAUGHING)
- I've… I knocked the screen off.

EMMA: Whoops, don't worry.
It's impressive though, right?

- It's very impressive.
- He's got a three-year-old.

- He's obviously a…
- Yeah.

Imagine him in the hospital.

(IMITATES MICK JAGGER) Can I just say,
this ward is like really noisy

and come on, keep it down.

What time is visiting hours?

When's the magazines coming around?
I've finished this one.

Here, see the bloke
in the next bed?

He's done nothing but complain
since he got here.

The nurses are, they're like,
angels, the nurses in here…

And he does nothing but complain.
I'm like, bloody hell, mate.

You know, you should be grateful
you're alive, you know what I mean.

And him over there.

He has no visitors, really sad.
No one comes to see him.

You all right? Hello! Yeah.

You doing all right? Yeah.

Do you think he was on the ward
at Papworth? Doubt it somehow.

Yeah no, he probably
had a private room, didn't he?

- Yeah.
- YOLANDA: Yeah, most likely.

Never mind I can't get no satisfaction,
I can't get no sleep. The bloody noise.

That one over there is moaning
and groaning all night. You know…

He's talking to himself.

No wonder he don't get any visitors,
I mean, he's a nightmare. Yeah.

But, you know, Keith's come to visit
and Ronny's come to visit,

- Would Keith go visit?
- and Charlie's come to visit.

- They've fallen out, haven't they?
- What?

EMMA: Didn't him and Keith
have a falling out?

No, no.

It's like me and him,
we get on, we love each other.

Yeah, we have a little… Me and Keith
we sometimes have a bit of a, you know.

He said he had a tiny todger, though.

Isn't that sort of hard
to come back from?

(IMITATES KEITH RICHARD)
No, no, he's absolutely fine.

Would you forgive Rob if he said that?

ROB: Sometimes…

Well, people would know
it wasn't true.

This cat's got the biggest todger.

When he goes swimming, right,
like when he's facing down…

It's like, he's dredging,
you know, it's like he's…

Oh God.

(LAUGHS WHEEZILY) That's what
Keith Richards… when he laughs…

(LAUGHS WHEEZILY)

It's like the last death throes
of Muttley. Yeah…

(LAUGHS WHEEZILY)

ROB: I mean, you… Ohh…

- So, right here we have…
- STEVE: Saved by the squid.

WAITER: The grilled octopus
with fava puree.

EMMA: Amazing.

And Valeriana leaves. And here we have
grilled squid with chorizo

- and cauliflower gravy, please.
- Wow.

- Wow.
- Thank you very much.

- How's your odyssey going?
- It's good. It's good.

We've been talking a lot
about Aristotle

and his theory of poetics.

Oh, yeah, all the Stotles,
Ari, Barry, Gary…

- (LAUGHTER)
- Yeah. You have the book.

- Are you familiar with this?
- No, I'm not, actually.

Rob wasn't till about a week ago,
but carry on.

He says, "Imitation comes…" Anthony
Hopkins. "Imitation comes naturally

- "to human beings from childhood."
- He always has to say…

EMMA: Yeah.
I wouldn't have got it though.

So does the universal pleasure
in imitations.

He sees imitation
as something to enjoy.

Yeah, quite right.

This journey of life
is all too brief, Emma.

- It really is. It is, Rob.
- Why not enjoy it?

Look at all the BAFTAs
and the Oscars recently.

There's a massive amount
of that is imitation,

whether it's Christian Bale
as Dick Cheney…

- Yeah.
- Steve Carell as Donald Rumsfeld.

- Yeah.
- Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon.

EMMA: Do you know what? Yeah.

Although I think Michael Sheen
was a better one as Frost.

- ROB: (IMITATES DAVID FROST) Hi.
- Yeah.

- Good evening.
- That's not a good David Frost.

I'm from Port Talbot.

Hello, good…
Hello, good evening and welcome.

- A younger version.
- There is, even in his old age,

- there was a crispness to the voice.
- ROB: That's Mick Jagger you're doing.

- He's doing Mick Jagger.
- Good evening and welcome.

Yeah, hello, good evening, we're gonna
start with Honky Tonk Women.

You can't… Is that… You can't do
David Frost and you can't accept that.

- Let's spend the night together.
- Let's spend…

Yeah, let's do the monster mash,
that's what you're sounding like.

Hello, good evening, and welcome.

That's not what I'm doing.

You can't do the crispness,
it's just beyond you,

so you have to do something different
as a caricature to make up for what…

Your impressions are never accurate,

they're always just
sort of slightly out of character…

EMMA: God, that's harsh.
STEVE: They're…

I think you've got to start
experimenting with his dosage again

because there was a period,
wasn't there, well, when he was good.

EMMA: That's harsh.
STEVE: It's true.

But you do have
to say the name frequently

when you do the impersonation.

Would you like me to ask the waiter
for some crayons and some paper?

So you can do some colouring
while we talk?

What about Rami Malek
as Freddie Mercury?

EMMA: He was very good.
ROB: Very good.

- YOLANDA: Extraordinary.
- Have either of you got a Mercury

up your sleeves?

- Let me tell you now…
- Oh, here we go.

- ROB: No, I haven't.
- No?

ROB: I… No, I don't know.
What's his voice?

♪ Anybody

♪ Find me somebody to love ♪

EMMA: It's not bad.
ROB: Yeah.

EMMA: It's good.

Robert Downey Jr as Charlie Chaplin?

Now, that's gotta be 20,
25 years ago, that?

- Yeah.
- ROB: Very good, very good.

Yeah, I've been offered, the role
of Charlie Chaplin in a new film.

- YOLANDA: Seriously?
- That script?

STEVE: Yeah.
EMMA: Oh, right, oh, my God.

When you say offered, actually offered
or they want you to come and read?

They… No, that,
I don't read any more, Rob.

- I bet you would if it was Spielberg.
- No, I don't.

- Scorsese.
- STEVE: I'd go and meet them

- and I'd go and talk to them.
- But you wouldn't read?

No, I wouldn't read, no.

Steve, they really want you to read.
"No."

- Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't.
- I admire that.

- So you would read? Okay.
- I would read.

But anyway, the thing is,
Charlie Chaplin is as good as an offer.

- But it's a…
- Okay, so another silent comedian.

- You could have a box set.
- Well, it's a… No.

Stan and Ollie II.
The Dictatorial Years.

- Stan and Ollie wasn't silent.
- Some of their stuff was.

Some of the very early stuff was,
but they're famous for their talkies.

It's another fine mess you've
got me into, you have to hear that.

- Was that a silent one?
- Well, it wasn't silent.

You have to hear the sentence, remember.

The one way out west, with
the blue ridge mountains of Virginia,

now tell me, was that a silent movie
or was that with sound.

So you're reinforcing my point,
the film I've been offered…

ROB: Yeah, tell us about it.

… is a film as Chaplin
making The Great Dictator.

I could see you as a dictator.

- Thank you.
- That's in your palette, I would say.

Yeah, well, you know,
I can humanise anybody.

I don't know about that.

- Yeah.
- ROB: So you'd be playing Hitler.

Now, that I would like to see.

No, I'd be playing Charlie Chaplin.

With a little moustache.
What would you look… Show me…

Put a little bit of something,
just do that with your finger.

Or stick a bit of squid there.

He won't thank you for that after.

He'll have a word with you later.

What the hell were you doing when…

When he said the thing
about the moustache, why? Why?

- EMMA: For the Hitler.
- Don't you work for me?

- … for God's sake.
- This is to pay your wages.

Why'd you make me look like Hitler?

Jesus, what, what, what… I might
as well have a man working for me.

Would you do the German voice?

What are you like with voices?
You good with voices?

Thanks, darling.

Um, I would do… I don't know,
I'm not… I've not…

I take my time.

(SPEAKS GERMAN)

I'd take my time.

And I'd just do something
that was approaching funny

but not cheap and disposable.

Have you heard my German porn voice?

- YOLANDA: German porn?
- Yeah.

- EMMA: I haven't had the pleasure.
- Wanna hear?

- I would love to hear it.
- YOLANDA: Please.

(SPEAKING GERMAN
WITH MOCK SEDUCTION)

Sounds quite tired.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

ROB: He's loving it, isn't he?
Look at that.

STEVE: I could do that.
YOLANDA: That's actually quite risky.

STEVE: Did I tell you about the time
I free climbed Helm Crag?

ROB: Yes, you did.
YOLANDA: What is he doing?

YOLANDA: Whoa.
EMMA: Oh, my God.

YOLANDA: That's bad.

ROB: You could be nastily
thrown against the rocks.

STEVE: I couldn't do that.

So, and here we have…

EMMA: Ah, oh, wow.

- Shellfishes.
- ROB: Nice.

- Thank you.
- WAITER: Enjoy.

- That looks so good.
- YOLANDA: Thank you.

- It looks lovely.
- STEVE: Oh, amazing.

Now this reminds me
of when the tide goes out.

Are we meant to just slurp this
like you would an oyster?

EMMA: I think you do.
ROB: What do you do with it?

STEVE: You do that, you do it like…

ROB: I think we do,
I think you do.

- My God.
- STEVE: Isn't it like just fresh oyster

that's like with that
smothered in garlic?

- EMMA: That is amazing.
- That is gorgeous.

Why did it take Odysseus
so long to get back from Troy?

It's not that far.

He was blown off course
and got distracted.

Spent seven years on an island
being massaged by Calypso.

- Exactly.
- Easily done.

- Yeah.
- Promising him immortality if he'd stay

but, of course,
he couldn't stay because…

- He wants to get home to…
- … he had a wife, a child and a father

that he wanted to get back to
and he eventually went back to them.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Hey, how is your dad?

He's Okay.
Well, he's not okay, but…

EMMA: Isn't he?

- But, you know, Joe is with him…
- EMMA: Okay.

Which is good.

But he's found it quite difficult
being alone

since my mum died.

EMMA: I'm sorry.

But, yeah, he's staying with his mum.

- EMMA: Is he?
- Yeah.

Well, Joe is a credit to her,
and you, of course.

- Thank you.
- (EMMA CHUCKLES)

The thing about ancient Greek poetry is
it was originally set to music.

That, the lyrics, you see,
that's where they say lyric poetry.

Yeah, yeah.

Yes, but the most important bit
in the story he's missed out

'cause I told him the story.

- Okay.
- FYI.

- These poems were done to music.
- ROB: Yeah, like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But he's gonna tell you
about the lyre.

STEVE: A lyre.
YOLANDA: A lyre, yeah.

Lyric comes from the word lyre
which is a thing like this. Actually…

- Like a small guitar, like a violin.
- I know what a lyre is.

It's sort of… Brrrung.

Leonard Cohen did it the other way round
'cause he wrote poetry

and then to get the poetry
more out there,

he started setting it to music.

- Well, that is what they did.
- That's what I just said.

- Rob has just said.
- But didn't they start…

- But didn't they start…
- They didn't start with the music,

- they started with the poetry.
- Yes.

So, if you think, so Sappho,
you know Sappho, yes?

- Yes, I know Sappho.
- That's very much like Leonard Cohen

or Alanis Morissette or Neil Diamond
or anybody you want to…

Hands up who's met Neil Diamond,
just me.

- You know, that's…
- EMMA: You haven't met Neil…

I did a… You probably didn't watch it.

- I did an ITV special with Neil Diamond,
- EMMA: Did you?

I spent five days with him in New York.

- About four years ago.
- Really? Wow.

Went to Brooklyn with him.

♪ Honey pie

Martin Sheen sings
the very best of Neil Diamond.

♪ You're gonna make them cry ♪

What are you doing now?

Well, I don't really try to do my…
To do my…

- Not when it's not good. No.
- STEVE: My Neil Diamond.

Well, no, I'm not… I can do,
but I'm not a bad one.

- No, it's not a bad one.
- STEVE: Love on the Rocks.

♪ Anal surprise ♪

What, anal surprise?
That's what everyone used to sing.

Is that what you said?
I wasn't laughing at that,

- I was laughing at the impression.
- EMMA: The impression.

ROB: I was laughing at the voice.

♪ Ain't no surprise

♪ Money it talks

♪ Money talks ♪

That's what I said.

STEVE: You don't…

♪ It don't sing and dance
and it don't walk ♪

You do the technical voice
but you never have any real volume.

One minute you say
I don't do the technical thing,

then you say I do a caricature,
now I'm doing it.

It's like a little, look…
It's like little Neil Diamond in a box.

That would be…

- You don't really…
- That would be this…

(RECITES LYRICS IN SMALL MAN VOICE)

Totally surreal.

STEVE: Well,
that's just little man in a box

doing the lyrics to a Neil Diamond song.

- He, but he had it…
- ROB: Thank you, Emma.

He had a little… Come on.

♪ Maybe tonight

- ♪ Maybe tonight
- STEVE: ♪ Maybe tonight ♪

Well, let's do it at the same time.

- Yeah?
- Can you do the high notes?

- ROB: Give me a challenge.
- No, well, it's…

♪ Hello again, hello ♪

It's gotta go down.

EMMA: I think it's gonna go up.

♪ I think about you every night

- ♪ Sweet Caroline
- ♪ Sweet Caroline

- STEVE: ♪ Sweet Caroline
- ♪ Sweet Caroline

♪ Good times never seemed so good

♪ Sweet Caroline

♪ Good times, good times
never seemed so good

♪ I've been inclined, boop, boop, boo

♪ To believe they never would ♪

EMMA: What delights do you have for us?
STEVE: Oh, my goodness me.

EMMA: Wow.
STEVE: Wow, what?

- Yeah.
- Is there really another course?

WAITER: There you are. Please enjoy.
ROB: Thank you.

- WAITER: You're welcome.
- Wow.

ROB: Thank you very much.

- WAITER: Here you are, sir.
- Thank you.

WAITER: Enjoy.
EMMA: Delicious.

YOLANDA: I love Greece,
the history, the culture.

Did you notice they are playing
Oedipus tonight at the Epidaurus?

- Really?
- When I first saw that theatre,

I thought it was called
not the Epidaurus but the epidural.

Aristophanes,
2,500 years old, his material,

that's older than Rob's material.

That's…

It's longer than you've been
doing Partridge, isn't it?

What's that? 27 years?
That's a hell of a long time.

Yeah, well, always
new material though, Rob.

My favourite Greek philosopher
is Epicurus.

So, let's be clear on this.
A lot of people when they come up to me,

the question I get asked
the most is about Steve.

What's he really like?
Is the first one, all right.

And the next one is,
who's his favourite Greek philosopher?

(LAUGHTER)

- Rob, we'd love to know.
- EMMA: I can imagine.

He's played his cards pretty
close to his chest, who is it, Rob?

Is it Aristotle? Is it Socrates?
I say, I can't tell you.

It's interesting,
that he makes fun of that,

but the reason that's funny is because
the idea of one of Rob's audience

knowing anything
about Greek philosophy is ridiculous.

They're old enough
to know Steve, aren't they?

They're old enough to know.

- Such a ridiculous idea.
- Maybe they were around

at the time it happened,
how about that?

Well, that's you, that'd be…

I'm making a genuine observation

that I would reckon most of the people
in your audience don't know

diddly squat about Greek philosophy
or Greek mythology.

We are epicureans,
we're enjoying food and wine.

You know, people think
about epicurean pleasure

as being something like,
just hedonistic delighting in the moment

but it's more than that.

Epicurus said there were
two kinds of pleasure,

there was kinetic pleasure,
and static pleasure.

Kinetic pleasure would be
being cold outside, you're very cold,

and you go inside
and there's a lovely warm fire.

Whereas static pleasure
is not to be too cold or too hot,

but to be in a room that has the correct
temperature, so you are comfortable.

So, I'm static and you're kinetic,
is that what you're saying?

STEVE: Exactly.
ROB: Is that where you're going here?

I would rather be static,
I don't want peaks and troughs.

EMMA: You probably like little peaks
and troughs, don't you?

Thank you. Exactly. Little ones.

YOLANDA: Just not extreme ones.

But I don't want… I don't wanna be
a cork in the ocean, you know?

I might go for a dive later, if you…

- Really?
- Yeah.

Okay.

I can't do a backflip
like that, but I can swallow dive.

What's swallow dive?

Well, you have to put
your arms out like this

because if you do this,
if you do it from a great height,

- if you do this,
- Yeah.

you just go over onto your back,
so you have to…

Your centre of gravity,
at your chest, right,

doing this, and then bring your arms in
at the last minute, yeah.

YOLANDA: Okay.

Hey, Chloe. How you doing?
You all right?

I'm good.

Good, how was school today?

Hey, Joe, it's Dad.

Hi, Dad. I've just been
to see Granddad.

All right, go on.

He's a bit woozy,
they've had to run a few more tests.

ROB: Are you gonna miss Mummy
when she comes out?

Yeah.

I'm gonna go back in
to see him tonight.

Brilliant. That's good.

Yeah, Mum's gonna drive me.

Great, that's fantastic. How is she?

No, she's good, yeah,
yeah, she said to say hello.

Okay, well, yeah,
say hello back to her, so…

And thank you for, obviously,
stepping into the fray.

It'll be fun
with Granny though, won't it?

Yeah, good forehead,
darling, well done. Hello.

Good luck.

(IMITATES RIGSBY)
Miss Jones. Miss Jones,

you look wonderful tonight,
Miss Jones.

Thank you, as do you.

The Himalayas
are unmistakeable, Miss Jones.

Yeah.

Would you join me, Miss Jones,
on the terrace for a drink? Would you?

I'm just wondering where
Leonard Cohen's house might have been.

He had a house on here,
do you think he's got a blue plaque,

"Leonard Cohen lived here"?

Oh, yes, I would think so. I mean,
Lennon and McCartney had them.

Bravo!

It's not really high enough
to do a proper swallow dive.

No, I think that was perfect.

Well, actually it's rather…
This is a very difficult dive.

You've got to arch your back, you see,

and if you don't get
the right entry, it's lethal.

God.

You know they're gonna have
fireworks later?

How do you know?

Because I've been here before.

STEVE: I thought you were
being metaphorical.

- (FIREWORKS WHISTLE)
- (CHEERING)