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1
00:00:06,084 --> 00:00:07,843
'Hello? Hey, Rob, it's Steve.
'Hiya.'
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'How are you?' Good. Listen,
are you free next week to go away?
3
00:00:12,806 --> 00:00:13,885
'Where?'
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00:00:13,886 --> 00:00:16,685
It's kind of a tour, a tour of
the north. A restaurant tour.
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00:00:16,686 --> 00:00:18,725
Really good restaurants. 'Right.'
6
00:00:18,726 --> 00:00:21,845
'Why me?' Mischa can't come
and I don't want to go alone.
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00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:27,326
I've asked other people,
but they're all too busy.
8
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,367
It's a job!
I'm not asking you to go on holiday
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00:00:29,369 --> 00:00:32,968
with me or anything weird -
it's for The Observer magazine.
10
00:00:32,969 --> 00:00:35,608
So, you know, do you want to come?
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00:00:35,610 --> 00:00:40,209
This programme contains
some strong language.
12
00:00:40,210 --> 00:00:42,529
Why are we going so early?
13
00:00:42,531 --> 00:00:47,770
Because I want to take in
Bolton Abbey, and then squeeze in...
14
00:00:47,772 --> 00:00:52,651
Do a breakfast instead of lunch, and
then quickly say hi to my parents.
15
00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:55,651
You don't mind...? Do you mind
coming to say hi? Physically?
16
00:00:55,654 --> 00:00:58,333
Yes. Actually visit them?
I can't leave you in the car!
17
00:00:58,334 --> 00:01:02,453
You could bring me a lemonade
and a packet of crisps!
18
00:01:02,455 --> 00:01:06,334
Leave the window like that
so I don't get too hot. And we, and we can come...
19
00:01:06,335 --> 00:01:09,814
I'll bring my parents and your nose
is through the gap like that!
20
00:01:09,816 --> 00:01:13,056
You say, "I would bring
him in, but he might make a mess."
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"From Bolton's old monastic tower
22
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"The bells ring loud
with gladsome power
23
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"The sun shines bright,
the fields are gay
24
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"With people in their best array
25
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"Of stole and doublet,
hood and scarf
26
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"Along the banks of crystal wharf
27
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"And thus in joyous mood they hie
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"To Bolton's mouldering priory!"
29
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Sir Ian McKellen. Come,
we shall walk together.
30
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Is that why you went to
bed early last night so you could learn that poem? Yes!
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Mission accomplished!
32
00:01:57,065 --> 00:01:58,664
I don't know why you quote...
33
00:01:58,665 --> 00:02:02,104
You weren't interested in Wordsworth
before we went on this trip!
34
00:02:02,106 --> 00:02:06,025
Or Bolton Abbey! This is lovely.
This is fantastic. I know it is.
35
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,825
I liked Bolton Abbey before
you liked Bolton Abbey!
36
00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:11,267
Why'd you have to do it
in Ian McKellen's voice?
37
00:02:11,267 --> 00:02:13,866
What would have been nice is if
you'd learnt that poem,
38
00:02:13,868 --> 00:02:16,947
which I appreciate, even thought
it was meant to intimidate me,
39
00:02:16,949 --> 00:02:20,948
if you'd got up this morning
and said the poem in your own voice and meant the words.
40
00:02:20,949 --> 00:02:23,228
I chose a voice to suit the mood.
41
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:27,389
I felt Sir Ian, coming
as he does from Bolton, would be perfectly suited.
42
00:02:27,391 --> 00:02:28,990
It's a different Bolton, Rob.
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Yeah, all right.
It's the same word!
44
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I thought he would be perfectly
suited for here.
45
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And it is incredible. I mean look,
that is in credible.
46
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I'm standing on a grave. Sorry.
47
00:02:40,314 --> 00:02:43,353
Will you be buried
or will you be cremated?
48
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I think I would,
I would like to be buried so that I have a headstone like Elvis.
49
00:02:48,995 --> 00:02:52,634
Mmm hmm. But I think that when
you have a headstone
50
00:02:52,636 --> 00:02:56,595
and you're in a place it puts
great pressure on your family,
51
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the surviving family, to visit you.
52
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I'd be happy if you... If you...
I'm happy with either.
53
00:03:02,597 --> 00:03:07,916
If they buried you or cremated you,
they would both suit me fine.
54
00:03:07,918 --> 00:03:11,877
Would you come to my funeral?
Would you turn up, do you think?
55
00:03:11,879 --> 00:03:13,838
Course I would! Would you? Yeah!
56
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,159
If only to pad out the numbers,
you know!
57
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You know when, you know when, um,
when someone dies and they go to
58
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the funeral and they say, "We
should have done this when he was alive! He would have loved this!"?
59
00:03:25,922 --> 00:03:29,961
Mmm. What, cremated him?!
60
00:03:29,963 --> 00:03:32,402
No. You know hearing,
hearing the eulogies.
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That's what I'll say at your funeral.
We should have done this when he was alive! Cremated him!
62
00:03:37,044 --> 00:03:40,883
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! No riposte
from you, cos you're dead.
63
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AS MAN IN A BOX: I don't think you
should say that!
64
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In a box!
65
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You wouldn't be able to come back
with your man in a box,
66
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even though it would be fantastic
if you had, cos you'd be in a coffin.
67
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It would have been the perfect
place to do it!
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00:03:53,127 --> 00:03:56,286
I would literally be a man
in the box. I know, it would have been great.
69
00:03:56,288 --> 00:04:00,447
I'll be safe in the knowledge
that I'll go, "Great, I can do that and he won't come
70
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:05,127
back with his man in a box,
which would have been brilliant, but he can't cos he is brown bread!"
71
00:04:05,130 --> 00:04:07,929
I'd be there. I'd be there.
I'd be at your funeral.
72
00:04:07,930 --> 00:04:13,129
And now from one
of Rob's very closest friends.
73
00:04:13,131 --> 00:04:16,570
You'll know him, of course,
as TV's Alan Partridge.
74
00:04:16,572 --> 00:04:25,011
And he has asked specifically
to come up and take 25, 30 minutes to talk about his friend Rob.
75
00:04:25,014 --> 00:04:28,853
Ladies and gentlemen...
S... Shush! Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Coogan.
76
00:04:28,854 --> 00:04:33,813
Oh, you may also know Steve
from some of his very good Art House films
77
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:38,095
that have been very well reviewed
by some of the broadsheet newspapers, Steve Coogan!
78
00:04:39,616 --> 00:04:41,535
Thanks. Thank you.
79
00:04:41,536 --> 00:04:45,495
A-ha! Somebody will shout that out,
one of my Welsh relatives.
80
00:04:45,497 --> 00:04:47,736
Yes, yes...
81
00:04:47,738 --> 00:04:50,537
Alan Partridge.
82
00:04:50,538 --> 00:04:53,257
Very much alive compared with,
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00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:57,418
with our good departed friend
Rob Brydon.
84
00:04:57,420 --> 00:05:01,179
Rob was an interesting guy.
85
00:05:01,180 --> 00:05:04,419
Very funny, very entertaining and...
86
00:05:04,421 --> 00:05:08,100
and yet at the same time
there was something...
87
00:05:08,101 --> 00:05:11,860
that... Although he made me laugh and
made us all laugh I think,
88
00:05:11,862 --> 00:05:17,421
there was something about him that
was lost, something about him that seemed...
89
00:05:17,423 --> 00:05:21,262
unable to,
to confront the reality of life.
90
00:05:21,264 --> 00:05:26,143
And so when I think of Rob I,
I think of him with both
91
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a smile at some of the funny, pithy
one-liners he would come out with on Radio Four panel shows,
92
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but also for the man inside,
93
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because behind every little pithy,
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vaguely amusing joke
is a cry for help.
95
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But let's not remember him...
96
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Not gonna finish there, are you?
Jesus Christ!
97
00:05:51,269 --> 00:05:53,428
I won't finish there, no!
98
00:05:53,430 --> 00:05:59,309
No, OK. But, but... but, of course,
let's not remember a man
99
00:05:59,311 --> 00:06:04,230
who has lost desperately trying to
legitimise his life by doing silly
100
00:06:04,232 --> 00:06:09,431
voices constantly and not confronting
the truth, let's remember the other side of Rob. The entertainer.
101
00:06:09,433 --> 00:06:11,192
The Rob Brydon, the entertainer.
102
00:06:11,193 --> 00:06:14,992
Yes. Yes.
The Brydon who gave some levity...
103
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Yes. ..to our life and helped us
avoid confronting the harsh realities,
104
00:06:21,235 --> 00:06:25,274
and helped us avoid looking at the
brutal reality of what life is...
105
00:06:25,276 --> 00:06:28,155
All right, talk about some
of the characters!
106
00:06:28,157 --> 00:06:29,796
OK! Oh...
107
00:06:29,796 --> 00:06:32,115
Who can forget
his Tom Jones impression?
108
00:06:32,117 --> 00:06:34,676
Who can forget that?
109
00:06:34,678 --> 00:06:38,117
AS TOM: "Think I'd better die now."
You could say that!
110
00:06:38,118 --> 00:06:41,917
Yes. Huh, think I'd better die now!
That's good. Yeah, I know.
111
00:06:41,919 --> 00:06:44,958
I'll take over when you're dead.
There'll be plenty of...
112
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:49,359
I'll do plenty of Tom Jones
when you're dead! Don't worry about that.
113
00:06:49,361 --> 00:06:52,680
Ah, why thank you! I'm...
Ah, you're welcome.
114
00:06:52,681 --> 00:06:57,840
But there'll be affection there.
I'd... I wouldn't... I would never stick the knife in.
115
00:06:57,842 --> 00:06:59,841
I might just like tickle
you with a knife.
116
00:06:59,843 --> 00:07:02,442
That's all good sport! Good sport.
Exactly!
117
00:07:02,443 --> 00:07:04,322
Should it go the other way...
118
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,642
It's OK. I'm not asking you
to do that.
119
00:07:06,644 --> 00:07:08,644
Let's, let's, let's move on. Come on.
120
00:07:10,444 --> 00:07:13,443
No, I'm just saying if it did...
Yeah, that's all right.
121
00:07:13,445 --> 00:07:15,084
I would be...
I don't need to know!
122
00:07:15,085 --> 00:07:17,484
I'd rather that it be a mystery!
123
00:07:17,486 --> 00:07:22,165
I think if you do die before me
it will probably be murder.
124
00:07:22,166 --> 00:07:23,725
Can you leap,
can you vault this fence?
125
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Yes. Go on, vault it.
126
00:07:25,407 --> 00:07:27,447
Vault that fence now!
127
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Wait a minute...
128
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Ready?
129
00:07:37,649 --> 00:07:39,648
Ah. OK.
130
00:07:39,650 --> 00:07:42,369
Wait, whoa, whoa. Hang on.
131
00:07:42,371 --> 00:07:44,211
Watch... Watch me.
132
00:07:51,252 --> 00:07:53,011
Uh! Oh!
133
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Bloody hell!
134
00:07:54,573 --> 00:07:56,133
Are you all right? Yep.
135
00:07:57,693 --> 00:08:00,172
Whoa, don't run it!
136
00:08:00,174 --> 00:08:01,813
What?! Don't run! Why!
137
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:05,133
There'll be moss! Fucking hell!
138
00:08:05,135 --> 00:08:07,654
Jesus Christ. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
139
00:08:07,656 --> 00:08:12,415
You've got stuck halfway
towards your destination!
140
00:08:12,416 --> 00:08:15,976
You're stuck in a metaphor! I'm not!
141
00:08:17,937 --> 00:08:20,217
You'll ne... Aw! Ooh!
142
00:08:23,499 --> 00:08:25,258
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
143
00:08:25,259 --> 00:08:27,659
Ah!
144
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:31,539
Fuck! It's a metaphor!
145
00:08:31,540 --> 00:08:36,259
That is not a metaphor!
Fuck!
146
00:08:36,260 --> 00:08:37,580
Fuck!
147
00:08:39,302 --> 00:08:41,621
You looked at home in the water.
148
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:45,500
I could see you perhaps branching
out into more action roles,
149
00:08:45,503 --> 00:08:49,223
do you know what I mean,
as opposed to playing the klutz?
150
00:09:01,146 --> 00:09:04,465
KITCHEN CLATTER
151
00:09:04,466 --> 00:09:08,785
Do you know what, I like this...
I like... This is beautiful light.
152
00:09:08,787 --> 00:09:12,186
Very nice light, this.
Like a ski holiday.
153
00:09:12,187 --> 00:09:14,346
It's very apres ski.
Yeah. It feels apres ski.
154
00:09:14,348 --> 00:09:16,307
No, during ski. Eh? Dure ski.
155
00:09:16,308 --> 00:09:20,867
Yes. Yeah, yes, a lunch break in
the middle of a skiing trip, yeah.
156
00:09:20,869 --> 00:09:22,948
Good morning, gents.
Good morning!
157
00:09:22,950 --> 00:09:25,830
Would you like an orange juice?
I'll... Yes, please!
158
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:35,310
But it's nice when you have snow.
It makes you look healthy.
159
00:09:35,312 --> 00:09:37,111
But this light isn't
very good for me.
160
00:09:37,112 --> 00:09:39,431
What does my skin look like
in this light?
161
00:09:39,433 --> 00:09:41,432
Well, you know, it's...
It's uneven.
162
00:09:41,433 --> 00:09:45,233
It's like the surface of the moon...
Fascinating!
163
00:09:50,514 --> 00:09:53,353
Scrambled egg, no mushrooms?
That's me.
164
00:09:53,356 --> 00:09:55,035
Look at that!
Thank you very much!
165
00:09:55,036 --> 00:09:56,995
Enjoy your meals. Thank you.
166
00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:58,915
People tell me I've got a...
167
00:09:58,916 --> 00:10:02,835
If I have a moan about my skin
they say, "Oh, but it gives you character!". It does.
168
00:10:02,837 --> 00:10:06,516
You've got a lot of character(!)
Enough for an episode of Cranford!
169
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:09,517
You're a character actor.
It's character. I'm a leading man.
170
00:10:09,518 --> 00:10:11,917
We've been over this, you know.
171
00:10:11,919 --> 00:10:16,278
I'm Dustin Hoffman! I'm a
leading man with a character actor's body and face.
172
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,519
OK! Yeah, no that's a fair point!
It's a valid point!
173
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,679
It is a valid point.
I'll take it on the chin.
174
00:10:21,681 --> 00:10:24,080
Which is difficult for me,
but easy for you.
175
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:26,840
Could land a plane on mine. Yeah.
176
00:10:26,842 --> 00:10:31,761
Wwwrrrrhhh. Wwwrrrhhh. Mmm.
A small chin enables you to do it with women very well.
177
00:10:31,763 --> 00:10:35,082
How come you've left
your black pudding!
178
00:10:35,083 --> 00:10:41,402
I don't dislike it, but I'm never,
I'm never sure about it. I just naturally don't go to it.
179
00:10:41,405 --> 00:10:44,244
It's cos there's a risk involved.
It's a taboo.
180
00:10:44,245 --> 00:10:45,924
Mmm.
181
00:10:45,926 --> 00:10:47,605
Mmm! Mwah-ha-ha!
182
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:49,845
This is just...
183
00:10:49,846 --> 00:10:52,125
really...
184
00:10:52,127 --> 00:10:54,566
glorious!
185
00:10:54,567 --> 00:10:58,926
It's a sunny day in England
with a fried breakfast. It doesn't get much better.
186
00:10:58,928 --> 00:11:02,327
This is nice. But if I'm being
very honest with you,
187
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,328
I'm looking forward
to being home now.
188
00:11:04,329 --> 00:11:06,968
Mate, you and me both!
189
00:11:06,969 --> 00:11:09,888
The most important thing
to me is that I have...
190
00:11:09,890 --> 00:11:13,769
that my children are healthy...
Oh, yeah, I mean that... that I'm healthy so I can be there for them.
191
00:11:13,771 --> 00:11:16,930
That's more important than any work,
any award...
192
00:11:16,931 --> 00:11:19,290
And puts everything in perspective.
193
00:11:19,292 --> 00:11:22,451
You'd throw away all your awards.
I'd throw them in a river!
194
00:11:22,453 --> 00:11:26,172
If you could exchange them for
knowing your children would live a happy life?
195
00:11:26,173 --> 00:11:30,652
I would happily throw
all my awards in a river.
196
00:11:30,654 --> 00:11:33,173
Not the sea. Corrosion.
197
00:11:33,174 --> 00:11:35,053
No, but if I threw them in a river,
198
00:11:35,055 --> 00:11:40,814
if push came to shove I could hire
a team of scuba divers to retrieve them.
199
00:11:40,816 --> 00:11:43,735
But, you know, the gesture's
the important thing.
200
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:47,335
family's more important.
No, family's more important. Of course it is.
201
00:11:47,337 --> 00:11:51,496
If it was a choice between winning
an award and my child being healthy...
202
00:11:51,498 --> 00:11:54,057
Yeah. I would absolutely
you know throw them all.
203
00:11:54,058 --> 00:11:57,577
Yeah. Other way around. What if...
204
00:11:57,579 --> 00:12:03,498
If you were to allow your child
to have an illness, right, you could win...
205
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,979
Say a BAFTA, you could have
a film BAFTA if...
206
00:12:05,981 --> 00:12:10,980
No, of course not! An illness
the child would recover from but would have some discomfort. No!
207
00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:12,860
That's a disgusting idea!
208
00:12:12,861 --> 00:12:16,740
Let me up the stakes.
Oscar, Best Actor.
209
00:12:16,743 --> 00:12:19,782
Eh, Best Actor, Steve Coogan?
What to have an ill child?
210
00:12:19,783 --> 00:12:23,783
Of course not! Well, well hang on,
well... Not, not a... What kind of illness?
211
00:12:25,305 --> 00:12:27,904
Appendicitis.
212
00:12:27,905 --> 00:12:30,584
What you mean... So they get,
"Oh, my stomach!
213
00:12:30,585 --> 00:12:33,184
Where's Dad?"
"Oh, he's on location."
214
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:35,825
"It's really hurting.
Really hurting. Argh!"
215
00:12:35,826 --> 00:12:39,265
Doctor comes in, off to hospital,
bang, bang, "Oh, I'm weak,"
216
00:12:39,267 --> 00:12:44,747
then they're better. Meanwhile,
"Academy Award Winner, Steve Coogan..."
217
00:12:49,789 --> 00:12:51,309
Well?
218
00:12:54,110 --> 00:12:56,309
Well, now we, now we glimpse
the real man.
219
00:12:56,310 --> 00:12:59,190
What do you mean? I'm just
thinking it through!
220
00:13:01,311 --> 00:13:04,791
I think the answer's probably
I still wouldn't probably.
221
00:13:06,992 --> 00:13:09,911
Very nice. Yeah. If the weather
was like this all the...
222
00:13:09,913 --> 00:13:12,192
All finished, gents?
Ah, yes. Perfect.
223
00:13:12,193 --> 00:13:14,072
Could we, could we have the bill?
Yeah, sure.
224
00:13:14,073 --> 00:13:15,752
L'addition, s'il vous plait.
225
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:18,352
Will do. Merci.
226
00:13:18,354 --> 00:13:19,514
Grazie.
227
00:13:23,916 --> 00:13:25,955
The bill there, gents.
Ah. Excellent.
228
00:13:25,956 --> 00:13:29,355
My dad will take care of that(!)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.
229
00:13:29,356 --> 00:13:33,355
Funny because it's not...
It's so outlandish.
230
00:13:33,358 --> 00:13:35,117
Combien y at-il?
231
00:13:35,118 --> 00:13:42,717
Il est... Look at that, that's,
that's the cheapest meal we've had so far and, in some ways, the best!
232
00:13:42,719 --> 00:13:46,638
I mean, not in every way but in some
ways it's just...
233
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:50,760
How much? �24.40. Seriously? Yeah!
234
00:13:51,921 --> 00:13:59,361
THEY HUM SYMPHONY NO. 9
"FROM THE NEW WORLD" by DVORAK
235
00:14:09,324 --> 00:14:11,243
Very nice.
236
00:14:11,244 --> 00:14:14,244
Yeah, it's a lovely, a lovely
place to grow up, you know.
237
00:14:19,246 --> 00:14:22,925
Hello, hello! Hiya.
Hello! Nice to see you!
238
00:14:22,926 --> 00:14:24,525
Yeah, nice to see you. Hello!
239
00:14:24,527 --> 00:14:28,486
This is Rob. This is my mum.
Hello, Rob! Lovely to meet you.
240
00:14:28,488 --> 00:14:33,167
Molly. Nice to see you. Hello!
Oh, what a lovely house!
241
00:14:33,168 --> 00:14:35,047
This is Bernard, my dad.
242
00:14:35,049 --> 00:14:37,608
This is Rob, Rob Brydon.
Hello, Bernard.
243
00:14:37,609 --> 00:14:41,208
I was just saying what
a lovely house it is. Rob Brydon off the telly.
244
00:14:41,210 --> 00:14:43,609
Straightaway look.
Hall of fame.
245
00:14:43,610 --> 00:14:46,049
Yeah. Oh, and a daughter!
246
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:49,610
She's a bonny lass! That's not
our daughter, that's our Steven!
247
00:14:49,612 --> 00:14:51,451
He's just trying to be funny, Dad.
248
00:14:51,452 --> 00:14:53,771
Oh! Making a joke, yeah.
249
00:14:53,773 --> 00:14:55,932
Well, he is funny.
Well, on occasions(!)
250
00:14:55,933 --> 00:14:58,092
Would you like anything to eat?
251
00:14:58,094 --> 00:15:02,253
And you have to answer without
hesitation, deviation or repetition.
252
00:15:02,254 --> 00:15:07,853
Well, of all the beverages that I
have consumed the one that I have enjoyed the most and would perhaps
253
00:15:07,855 --> 00:15:14,414
desire at this particular moment
would be an English breakfast tea, or perhaps a plate of biscuits...
254
00:15:14,416 --> 00:15:16,335
Err! Err! You said "a" twice.
255
00:15:16,337 --> 00:15:18,616
Well, that doesn't count! Why not?
256
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:22,536
When you're doing it on the radio
you're just meant to be witty and entertaining.
257
00:15:22,538 --> 00:15:26,177
Well, we're not on the radio!
We're in my mum and dad's living room!
258
00:15:26,179 --> 00:15:30,538
Steve never liked these things
growing up. He didn't like games. Really?
259
00:15:30,540 --> 00:15:33,619
I didn't like sport games.
Physical, physical games.
260
00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:38,219
I liked mental games. Come,
come, Mr Bond, you enjoy playing Just A Minute just as much as I do!
261
00:15:38,221 --> 00:15:41,260
Err! Repetition of come and just.
262
00:15:41,261 --> 00:15:45,020
Fair. Fair point. We saw your show
when it came to Oldham. Did you?
263
00:15:45,022 --> 00:15:50,061
Yes, we did! Loved it!
What was your favourite part? They can't think...!
264
00:15:50,063 --> 00:15:53,542
Can't remember! Small angry man in
the box. Small man in a box?
265
00:15:53,544 --> 00:15:55,103
Yeah! Ah! Yeah.
266
00:15:55,104 --> 00:15:59,903
I wonder what the small angry man
in a box would be saying if he were here right now!
267
00:15:59,904 --> 00:16:03,343
He'd say it's wonderful!
All right, that's enough.
268
00:16:03,345 --> 00:16:05,104
He's, he's very... It's very good.
269
00:16:05,105 --> 00:16:07,464
It is impressive.
I'll go and make the tea.
270
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,065
Oh, thank you very much.
Ah, this is great.
271
00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:12,866
Come on, come on through into...
Oh, conservatory!
272
00:16:12,867 --> 00:16:17,267
Into the garden. No, not
the conservatory. It's lovely. Oh, no politics, thank you!
273
00:16:21,349 --> 00:16:25,268
Right, here we are, tea for
the troops! Lovely. OK! Well...
274
00:16:25,269 --> 00:16:28,068
AS HUGH GRANT:
This really is excellent.
275
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:33,070
Crikey, crikey, gosh, this is...
I've been to four weddings and a funeral recently
276
00:16:33,071 --> 00:16:37,550
and not had, gosh, quite,
quite such a substantial brew.
277
00:16:37,552 --> 00:16:42,191
Dear, dear(!) That's how you started,
didn't you, Steve, with impressions?
278
00:16:42,193 --> 00:16:44,112
It is, yeah, yeah. Moved on now?
Mmm!
279
00:16:44,113 --> 00:16:46,912
Well, quit while you're ahead.
Move on to more.
280
00:16:46,914 --> 00:16:49,273
It was a shock to all of us
when he started performing.
281
00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:52,113
We thought it would be Deborah
or Martin. Really?
282
00:16:52,115 --> 00:16:55,634
They were always the funny ones.
Yeah, you were always the quiet one.
283
00:16:55,635 --> 00:17:00,074
I was in my own little world.
I was sort of... Escape... I was a daydreamer.
284
00:17:00,076 --> 00:17:04,315
AS WOODY ALLEN: I used to daydream
constantly as a kid growing up in New York
285
00:17:04,317 --> 00:17:08,636
and I never thought, you know,
I'd ever become a great comedian.
286
00:17:08,638 --> 00:17:11,037
You know I just never figured
I would...
287
00:17:11,038 --> 00:17:14,637
AS SEAN CONNERY: Whereas I when
I was growing up in Edinburgh,
288
00:17:14,639 --> 00:17:19,518
before I became Commander James Bond
for me, I was quite withdrawn also.
289
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,319
AS MICHAEL CAINE: I, on the other
hand, grew up in the East End,
290
00:17:22,321 --> 00:17:24,960
and all I ever wanted to do
was blow the bloody doors off.
291
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,840
I've had to put up with
this all week.
292
00:17:26,841 --> 00:17:29,000
It must be exhausting!
293
00:17:29,001 --> 00:17:31,240
Ah, not really.
Exhausting for everyone!
294
00:17:31,242 --> 00:17:33,321
Why don't you stop for lunch?
295
00:17:33,322 --> 00:17:36,361
Yes, that would be lovely!
Well, no, we should push on really.
296
00:17:36,363 --> 00:17:39,162
Yeah. Oh, nice. Right.
What route are you taking?
297
00:17:39,164 --> 00:17:46,523
The... Well, I'm getting on the M60
clockwise and then on the M56, M6.
298
00:17:46,526 --> 00:17:52,965
You want to watch that. Why?
There's roadworks all the way from junction 24 to 27. It's terrible.
299
00:17:52,966 --> 00:17:55,765
Really? You'd be better
off going anti-clockwise.
300
00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:57,526
Right. OK. Yeah.
301
00:17:57,527 --> 00:18:02,606
Yes, well it's as broad as it's long,
isn't it, so, yeah, I'll do that. Good. Good. Yeah.
302
00:18:02,608 --> 00:18:05,567
Really nice to meet you. God bless.
And you. Bye bye.
303
00:18:05,568 --> 00:18:07,167
All right, see you, Mum.
304
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,048
Hello. Lovely to see you.
305
00:18:09,049 --> 00:18:11,768
How's Mischa? She's in America.
306
00:18:11,769 --> 00:18:15,528
She is at the moment, yeah. Oh! We,
we thought she'd be coming with you.
307
00:18:15,531 --> 00:18:19,370
And we're going through a bit
of a hiatus. Oh, dear! Rob's the substitute girlfriend.
308
00:18:19,371 --> 00:18:21,130
Oh. Oh! Oh, I hope not!
309
00:18:21,131 --> 00:18:24,490
No, nothing like that, yeah.
How is work? Anything coming up?
310
00:18:24,492 --> 00:18:28,531
Yeah, I've got a TV series in,
in America possibly, so... Really!
311
00:18:28,533 --> 00:18:31,572
Great! But it would mean
spending a lot of time over there,
312
00:18:31,574 --> 00:18:32,733
that's the problem.
313
00:18:32,733 --> 00:18:35,212
If you need anybody
to carry your bags then...
314
00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:37,013
All right, OK. Yeah.
315
00:18:37,014 --> 00:18:38,573
See you, Dad. Ta da. Right, yeah.
316
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:41,494
Ah. Right. Bye. Now listen,
you take care of yourself.
317
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:43,014
Nothing to worry about.
318
00:18:43,016 --> 00:18:46,135
Everything's fine.
Bye, love. Bye. See you.
319
00:18:46,137 --> 00:18:48,816
The car's locked. What?
Locked.
320
00:18:48,817 --> 00:18:50,577
Ah, sorry, I thought I'd pressed it.
321
00:18:55,778 --> 00:18:57,778
See you.
322
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,499
BEEPS HORN
Bye!
323
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:11,380
Come on, let's get in.
324
00:19:13,741 --> 00:19:16,780
I've been thinking about
the reviews. Have you?
325
00:19:16,782 --> 00:19:18,821
Mmm hmm. Urgh! I haven't.
326
00:19:18,822 --> 00:19:21,061
The Inn at Whitewell was the first
one. Yeah.
327
00:19:21,063 --> 00:19:23,582
Yes, it was the first one.
328
00:19:23,584 --> 00:19:27,663
All right,
so I thought we could start with
329
00:19:27,664 --> 00:19:31,304
"an attractive setting
with welcoming staff."
330
00:19:32,825 --> 00:19:35,624
Or, "a welcoming setting
with attractive staff!"
331
00:19:35,625 --> 00:19:38,064
Friendly food, tasty bar staff.
332
00:19:38,066 --> 00:19:41,545
Staff welcomed us with
open arms and legs.
333
00:19:41,547 --> 00:19:44,467
Yeah, all right, I know
what that's a reference to.
334
00:19:45,987 --> 00:19:48,226
Have you made a decision
about America?
335
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:50,147
Will you stay or will you go?
336
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,507
I'm not...
I don't, I don't know.
337
00:19:52,509 --> 00:19:55,748
I love Mischa and I want
to be with her, but...
338
00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:58,069
I don't want to talk
about it to be honest.
339
00:19:58,070 --> 00:19:59,829
You don't want to talk about it?
340
00:19:59,830 --> 00:20:02,629
Do you want to talk about
the things you've gone through?
341
00:20:02,630 --> 00:20:06,709
Though it's hurting me,
now it's history.
342
00:20:06,712 --> 00:20:08,591
? Now it's history
343
00:20:08,592 --> 00:20:12,071
BOTH SING:
I've played all my cards
344
00:20:12,072 --> 00:20:15,511
? And that's what you've done too
345
00:20:15,513 --> 00:20:18,832
? Nothing more to say
346
00:20:18,834 --> 00:20:22,153
? No more ace to play
347
00:20:22,155 --> 00:20:25,234
? Tell me does she kiss
348
00:20:25,235 --> 00:20:28,234
? Like I used to kiss you... ?
349
00:20:28,236 --> 00:20:30,315
There's a shiver down my arms
when I hear that.
350
00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:32,635
? Does it feel the same?
351
00:20:32,637 --> 00:20:36,316
? When she calls your name?
352
00:20:36,317 --> 00:20:39,716
? I was in your arms...
353
00:20:39,718 --> 00:20:43,237
Thinking I belong there.
Thinking I'd be stronger...
354
00:20:43,239 --> 00:20:46,118
Building me a fence.
355
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,038
I figured it made sense...
Made, made sense.
356
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:49,798
? Building me a fence.
357
00:20:49,799 --> 00:20:51,718
? Da ah ah ah
Building me a home
358
00:20:51,721 --> 00:20:53,960
thinking I'd be strong there...
359
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:54,999
? Building me a home
360
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:59,239
? Thinking I belong... ?
Be strong there...
361
00:20:59,241 --> 00:21:02,600
? Ah ah ah ah.
? But I was a fool. Fool.
362
00:21:02,602 --> 00:21:05,521
? Playing by the rules.
363
00:21:05,522 --> 00:21:09,161
? The winner takes it all!
364
00:21:09,164 --> 00:21:13,363
? The winner takes it all!
365
00:21:13,364 --> 00:21:16,803
? The winner takes it all!
366
00:21:16,805 --> 00:21:24,684
? The winner...
OPERATIC: Takes it all-l-l-l-l!
367
00:21:24,686 --> 00:21:26,965
Uh! Wow. Well, I was up there.
368
00:21:26,967 --> 00:21:28,606
Yeah. I was up there.
369
00:21:28,607 --> 00:21:30,966
I think you strained a little.
I did strain.
370
00:21:30,968 --> 00:21:33,087
But I have a wonderful range.
I could have done opera.
371
00:21:33,088 --> 00:21:37,767
How many octaves?
I don't know! Five. Five. How much is an octave?
372
00:21:37,769 --> 00:21:39,648
Five! Five! All right, two.
373
00:21:39,650 --> 00:21:42,969
For two...
Pavarotti struggles to do five!
374
00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:45,849
One. One. I do one.
Three. I do...
375
00:21:45,851 --> 00:21:48,210
I don't know how much an octave is!
376
00:21:48,211 --> 00:21:51,250
Well, if you said octave
just get your lowest note.
377
00:21:51,252 --> 00:21:53,571
La. La. Hang on, wait, wait,
that's not it.
378
00:21:53,571 --> 00:21:58,370
Get your lowest, get your...
Well, yes! Lowwww...
379
00:21:58,373 --> 00:21:59,772
OK, do an octave up.
380
00:21:59,774 --> 00:22:02,333
Owww... No, do an octave up.
381
00:22:02,334 --> 00:22:05,053
Well, how much is an octave?
382
00:22:05,054 --> 00:22:07,693
It's just the same note
but an octave higher.
383
00:22:07,695 --> 00:22:11,574
I don't know how to do that. Listen!
Bah! Bah! That's an octave up!
384
00:22:11,575 --> 00:22:13,894
Right, but don't do it
as Roger Moore.
385
00:22:13,896 --> 00:22:20,055
A-h-h-h-h! Come, come, Mr Bond,
you enjoy singing an octave just as much as I do!
386
00:22:20,057 --> 00:22:25,416
When I sing an octave up,
I sing it for Queen and country.
387
00:22:25,418 --> 00:22:27,497
Although I admit singing
an octave up...
388
00:22:27,498 --> 00:22:30,497
I admit singing an octave up
with you would be a pleasure.
389
00:22:30,499 --> 00:22:33,498
It's doh, ray, me, fah, soh, la,
ti, doh and next doh is an octave up!
390
00:22:33,499 --> 00:22:36,738
? Doh, ray, me, fah, soh,
la, ti, doh!
391
00:22:36,740 --> 00:22:39,539
That's an octave up from the first
doh! Shh, shush. Uh.
392
00:22:39,541 --> 00:22:43,660
? Doh, ray, me, fah, soh,
la, ti, doh! ?
393
00:22:43,662 --> 00:22:46,341
No! What?!
394
00:22:46,342 --> 00:22:50,861
? Doh, ray, me, fah, soh,
la, ti, doh!
395
00:22:50,863 --> 00:22:54,862
? Doh, ray, me, fah, soh, la,
396
00:22:54,864 --> 00:22:56,903
? Ti, doh! ?
397
00:22:56,904 --> 00:22:58,503
Three!
398
00:22:58,504 --> 00:23:00,383
Three.
399
00:23:00,385 --> 00:23:01,905
Three!
400
00:23:03,825 --> 00:23:05,864
? Is the magic number. ?
401
00:23:05,865 --> 00:23:08,384
Three.
402
00:23:08,386 --> 00:23:11,305
? Three times a lady. ?
403
00:23:11,307 --> 00:23:13,386
Doh, doh.
404
00:23:13,387 --> 00:23:15,507
Doh.
405
00:23:17,347 --> 00:23:18,906
Doh, ray...
406
00:23:18,908 --> 00:23:20,507
Terry Wogan is doing it now!
407
00:23:20,508 --> 00:23:22,787
Doh, doh, doh.
408
00:23:22,789 --> 00:23:24,908
Next, you'll be doing
the Floral Dance!
409
00:23:24,909 --> 00:23:29,188
? Doh, doh, ray, me, fah, soh, la,
ti, doh! Ray, me, fah, soh, la, ti, doh!
410
00:23:29,190 --> 00:23:32,309
? Ray, me, fah, soh, la, ti, doh!
Ray, me, fah, so, la, ti... ?
411
00:23:32,311 --> 00:23:34,670
That's not! Oh, fuck!
412
00:23:34,671 --> 00:23:37,550
You're terrible! Terrible!
I beat you.
413
00:23:37,552 --> 00:23:41,032
I beat you, I beat you. I... Yeah.
414
00:23:55,876 --> 00:23:59,235
You all right with your bags?
415
00:23:59,235 --> 00:24:02,154
Right!
Well, thank you very much.
416
00:24:02,157 --> 00:24:05,276
Thank you very much!
I really appreciate you doing this.
417
00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,716
Let's have a hug. OK. Right.
418
00:24:07,717 --> 00:24:10,276
Rrrhhh! Right, cheers, mate.
No, no... Really good.
419
00:24:10,278 --> 00:24:14,157
I enjoyed it a lot and, and, yeah.
Right, well...
420
00:24:14,158 --> 00:24:17,157
You're a good, you're a good bloke,
I don't care what they say about you.
421
00:24:17,159 --> 00:24:19,398
I'll see you. OK, mate.
422
00:24:19,399 --> 00:24:23,318
Give me a ring and we'll, you know,
we'll get together.
423
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,559
All right, mate.
We could... All right, bye bye!
424
00:24:25,561 --> 00:24:29,880
Bye bye!
TOOTS HORN
425
00:24:29,881 --> 00:24:35,400
Ah! Hello! The traveller returns.
426
00:24:35,403 --> 00:24:39,362
Ah! Hello. Ooh! Sorry. Hello!
I've missed you! Yeah!
427
00:24:39,363 --> 00:24:42,483
We've both missed you.
428
00:25:15,291 --> 00:25:19,011
MELANCHOLY PIANO MUSIC
429
00:26:11,020 --> 00:26:13,979
So how was he?
He was his usual self.
430
00:26:13,982 --> 00:26:16,022
His usual self.
431
00:26:29,344 --> 00:26:32,984
This is Mischa. Shut up!
432
00:26:33,865 --> 00:26:37,184
Mmm, this is delightful.
433
00:26:37,185 --> 00:26:39,464
AS RONNIE CORBETT:
One of the most delightful meals.
434
00:26:39,466 --> 00:26:42,265
One of the most... one of the most
delightful homecomings,
435
00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:44,867
I've ever enjoyed, ha ha ha.
436
00:26:45,707 --> 00:26:50,746
Mmm. Well, it did stick to the bottom
of the pan a bit, but...
437
00:26:50,748 --> 00:26:52,587
Did it? Yeah.
438
00:26:52,589 --> 00:26:55,348
Yes, I might have to give
you a bloody good spanking.
439
00:26:55,349 --> 00:26:59,189
AS HUGH GRANT: I was rather hoping
I might stick to the bottom of your pan later!
440
00:27:08,072 --> 00:27:11,232
ANSWERPHONE PICKS UP
441
00:27:16,834 --> 00:27:19,953
Hi, Emma. This is Steve calling.
442
00:27:19,954 --> 00:27:23,313
Just to say I've thought
it over and I, I...
443
00:27:23,314 --> 00:27:26,873
I'm not gonna do the HBO pilot.
444
00:27:26,875 --> 00:27:29,114
I'm not gonna spend
seven years in the US.
445
00:27:29,116 --> 00:27:33,236
I've got kids. Yeah, that's it. Bye.
446
00:27:34,716 --> 00:27:36,675
Mmm! Mmm!
447
00:27:36,677 --> 00:27:39,836
I don't like... I don't like
being away from you. No.
448
00:27:39,838 --> 00:27:41,957
I don't like you being away from me.
449
00:27:41,958 --> 00:27:43,837
Oh, hello, there we are.
450
00:27:43,839 --> 00:27:46,999
There we go. All present and correct.
Mmm.
451
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:58,999
I think three days should be
the maximum that I stay away for.
452
00:28:00,594 --> 00:28:04,674
Mmm. Not this long. Mmm.
453
00:28:04,724 --> 00:28:09,274
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