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1
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Back in The 80's,
National Anthem Vacation
2
00:00:02,861 --> 00:00:05,462
was the best road-trip comedy ever.
3
00:00:05,497 --> 00:00:07,965
Yep, the Griswold family
tore across America,
4
00:00:07,999 --> 00:00:10,367
and no one loved it more than my mom.
5
00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:13,904
Yes! This movie has
everything I love and deserve!
6
00:00:13,938 --> 00:00:16,140
So pack your bags so I can unpack them
7
00:00:16,174 --> 00:00:18,208
and then repack them again properly
8
00:00:18,243 --> 00:00:21,678
because the Goldbergs
are going on vacation!
9
00:00:21,713 --> 00:00:22,913
I don't know, Mom.
10
00:00:22,947 --> 00:00:25,349
That family's trip seemed
super stressful and difficult.
11
00:00:25,383 --> 00:00:26,750
And they like each other.
12
00:00:26,785 --> 00:00:28,252
But we have one week left
13
00:00:28,286 --> 00:00:30,754
before Barry and Erica
jet off to college.
14
00:00:30,789 --> 00:00:31,889
It's 10 minutes away.
15
00:00:31,923 --> 00:00:33,123
On nice days, I might walk.
16
00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:36,059
And Adam's starting life as
a high-school upperclassman.
17
00:00:36,094 --> 00:00:37,628
Now when the juniors throw food at me...
18
00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,329
They'll be my peers.
19
00:00:39,364 --> 00:00:41,532
- Such a dork.
- You shame us daily.
20
00:00:41,566 --> 00:00:45,102
So we're gonna take one last
unforgettable family vacation
21
00:00:45,136 --> 00:00:47,971
before everybody starts the
next big chapter in their lives!
22
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,139
What do you say?
23
00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,908
We love you, but pass.
24
00:00:50,942 --> 00:00:54,011
You're gonna pass on
a trip to Disneyland?
25
00:00:54,045 --> 00:00:56,380
- Oh, balls!
- I love you now!
26
00:00:56,414 --> 00:00:58,382
Ah, that's right! Embrace your mama!
27
00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,083
Star Wars just opened a ride there!
28
00:01:00,118 --> 00:01:01,351
It's called "Star Tours"!
29
00:01:01,386 --> 00:01:03,320
You get to travel to
the forest moon of Endor!
30
00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:05,689
Well, I "Endor" you. Boop!
31
00:01:05,723 --> 00:01:07,424
Even you can't ruin this.
32
00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:10,327
Star Wars teaming up with
Disney is just so big!
33
00:01:10,361 --> 00:01:12,729
Sure, I wish they'd dedicate
a whole land to Star Wars,
34
00:01:12,764 --> 00:01:14,731
but that's just a little boy's dream!
35
00:01:14,766 --> 00:01:16,733
Barry?
36
00:01:16,768 --> 00:01:19,536
Wanna give mama a huggy 'cause
she's the best in the game?
37
00:01:19,571 --> 00:01:21,338
I'm not going to Disneyland!
38
00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:23,807
I'm a grown adult man
who will be starting
39
00:01:23,842 --> 00:01:26,076
a fully accredited university in a week.
40
00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:27,978
But you love that Snow White.
41
00:01:28,012 --> 00:01:30,247
You've had a crush on
her since you could talk.
42
00:01:30,281 --> 00:01:31,615
Which was late for your age.
43
00:01:31,649 --> 00:01:32,850
But still.
44
00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,284
Sure, Ms. White has pretty hair
45
00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:36,186
and she's patient with those dwarves
46
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:37,754
in a way you know you'd
just vibe with her,
47
00:01:37,789 --> 00:01:39,089
but not at all!
48
00:01:39,123 --> 00:01:40,224
Who cares!
49
00:01:40,258 --> 00:01:42,059
I can't believe we're
flying to California!
50
00:01:42,093 --> 00:01:44,061
Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!
51
00:01:44,095 --> 00:01:45,762
That won't give me enough time
52
00:01:45,797 --> 00:01:47,264
squished together with my squishies.
53
00:01:47,298 --> 00:01:48,999
We're driving!
54
00:01:49,033 --> 00:01:51,301
To the airport and then we're flying?
55
00:01:51,336 --> 00:01:52,703
When will I learn not to hug
56
00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:54,538
until I hear all of the details?
57
00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:56,940
It'll be just like the Griswolds.
We're gonna see America!
58
00:01:56,975 --> 00:01:58,909
This America? I've seen it.
59
00:01:58,943 --> 00:02:00,444
It's all corn.
60
00:02:00,478 --> 00:02:03,947
Look, I just finished following the
Grateful Dead in a van with Geoff.
61
00:02:03,982 --> 00:02:05,949
- I'm not going back out there.
- Me neither!
62
00:02:05,984 --> 00:02:07,951
If you don't, I won't pay for college.
63
00:02:07,986 --> 00:02:09,319
Yay, everyone's in!
64
00:02:09,354 --> 00:02:10,587
What's all the noise?
65
00:02:10,622 --> 00:02:12,723
I can barely hear myself
eat my creme cookies.
66
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,391
We're driving to Disneyland!
67
00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:16,360
I get the feeling I
don't have a say in this.
68
00:02:16,394 --> 00:02:18,295
Hmm, I get that feeling, too! Yay!
69
00:02:18,329 --> 00:02:19,463
Why did I come in here?
70
00:02:19,497 --> 00:02:20,998
And I got a Polaroid
71
00:02:21,032 --> 00:02:22,566
so I can take a photo diary of our trip!
72
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,634
Come on, squeeze together.
73
00:02:23,668 --> 00:02:25,135
I don't want to be near your dad.
74
00:02:25,169 --> 00:02:26,603
He smells like coffee and onions.
75
00:02:26,638 --> 00:02:29,506
Squeeze in. You ain't exactly
cinnamon and sugar, sweetheart.
76
00:02:29,540 --> 00:02:31,475
I don't know where my body
ends and Adam's begins.
77
00:02:31,509 --> 00:02:33,577
This trip is already the worst
thing that's ever happened to me!
78
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:35,112
Just take the damn picture!
79
00:02:35,146 --> 00:02:40,617
Synced and Corrected by YesCool
www.addic7ed.com
80
00:02:40,652 --> 00:02:43,287
It was the last week of
summer, 1980-something,
81
00:02:43,321 --> 00:02:44,988
and the Goldbergs were
about to hit the road.
82
00:02:45,023 --> 00:02:47,658
Of course that meant my dad
was excited about one thing,
83
00:02:47,692 --> 00:02:48,892
saving money.
84
00:02:48,927 --> 00:02:50,260
Lose the bathrobe.
85
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:54,031
It's a traditional Jedi
cloak revered the galaxy over.
86
00:02:54,065 --> 00:02:56,433
Well, I'd revere a
tank top if I were you,
87
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:58,568
because I'm not using
the air conditioning.
88
00:02:58,603 --> 00:03:00,637
You're not cheaping out
on this trip, Murray.
89
00:03:00,672 --> 00:03:02,139
We have to make it perfect
90
00:03:02,173 --> 00:03:03,740
so that no matter how old they get
91
00:03:03,775 --> 00:03:05,309
or where they are in the world,
92
00:03:05,343 --> 00:03:07,210
they'll want to do
this for years to come.
93
00:03:07,245 --> 00:03:08,845
An annual trip?
94
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:10,480
I was just sitting, enjoying my cookies.
95
00:03:10,515 --> 00:03:12,382
Now our financial future is in doubt?
96
00:03:12,417 --> 00:03:13,884
Good news, everyone!
97
00:03:13,918 --> 00:03:15,619
I'm bringing my banjo.
98
00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:17,220
- No.
- Roger that.
99
00:03:17,255 --> 00:03:19,790
Attention, uneducated masses!
100
00:03:19,824 --> 00:03:21,124
As you all know,
101
00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:22,859
I'll be attending college in a week,
102
00:03:22,894 --> 00:03:24,661
so I need to be in tip-top shape...
103
00:03:24,696 --> 00:03:26,063
Mind and body.
104
00:03:26,097 --> 00:03:27,364
Is that why you're holding
105
00:03:27,398 --> 00:03:29,566
your mom's titanium leg pretzel?
106
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,168
This thigh-blasting machine
107
00:03:31,202 --> 00:03:32,970
is my ticket to physical dominance.
108
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,838
Just do your dumb thing in the car.
109
00:03:34,872 --> 00:03:36,306
Where's your sister?
We got to get going.
110
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:37,674
Saying goodbye to her boyfriend.
111
00:03:37,709 --> 00:03:38,976
You really don't want to come
112
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,511
and be jammed in a station
wagon with my family for a week?
113
00:03:41,546 --> 00:03:42,846
And I answered my own question.
114
00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,047
Look, I'll be on the road, too.
115
00:03:44,082 --> 00:03:45,949
The Dead have four more
concerts left this summer.
116
00:03:45,984 --> 00:03:47,718
I'm hoping by the last
one, I finally like them.
117
00:03:47,752 --> 00:03:49,886
Erica! Let's go!
118
00:03:49,921 --> 00:03:51,455
Um...
119
00:03:51,489 --> 00:03:53,824
One more thing, we need to talk.
120
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:54,891
Oh? What is it?
121
00:03:54,926 --> 00:03:55,993
Erica!
122
00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,060
Gas is burning!
123
00:03:57,095 --> 00:03:58,195
You know what? It's nothing.
124
00:03:58,229 --> 00:03:59,629
It... It can wait until after your trip.
125
00:03:59,664 --> 00:04:01,665
I don't want to spoil it.
126
00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:04,034
I better get moving, too. B-bye!
127
00:04:04,068 --> 00:04:05,802
Erica!
128
00:04:05,837 --> 00:04:07,137
We're doing it!
129
00:04:07,171 --> 00:04:09,239
The Goldbergs are going on vacation!
130
00:04:14,412 --> 00:04:16,146
We couldn't even leave!
131
00:04:16,180 --> 00:04:17,914
But eventually we did.
132
00:04:17,949 --> 00:04:20,117
And once we hit the highway,
it was smooth sailing.
133
00:04:20,151 --> 00:04:22,953
Of course, there were
some bumps inside the car.
134
00:04:22,987 --> 00:04:25,055
Gah! You keep smashing into me! Stop it!
135
00:04:25,089 --> 00:04:26,723
No can do, Ad-Rock.
136
00:04:26,758 --> 00:04:29,359
And be warned, as my
muscles grow, expand,
137
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:31,561
and explode outward,
I'll need more space.
138
00:04:31,596 --> 00:04:33,230
Why do I always have
to sit in the middle?
139
00:04:33,264 --> 00:04:34,965
'Cause windows are for college men,
140
00:04:34,999 --> 00:04:36,333
not high school losers!
141
00:04:36,367 --> 00:04:38,402
Yeah, you keep calling
yourself a college man,
142
00:04:38,436 --> 00:04:40,670
but come next week, you're
in for a rude awakening.
143
00:04:40,705 --> 00:04:41,838
What's that supposed to mean?
144
00:04:41,873 --> 00:04:43,607
It means you might be in college,
145
00:04:43,641 --> 00:04:45,409
but you're just gonna
be a lowly freshman,
146
00:04:45,443 --> 00:04:47,377
totally starting from scratch socially.
147
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,913
Have you not seen the work
I've been doing on my thighs?
148
00:04:49,947 --> 00:04:51,181
College is gonna love me.
149
00:04:51,215 --> 00:04:53,717
Or the safety of the
only world you've known
150
00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:54,785
will have vanished,
151
00:04:54,819 --> 00:04:56,686
and you'll discover
that there's no place
152
00:04:56,721 --> 00:04:59,790
for an emotionally out-of-control
doof with a thigh device.
153
00:04:59,824 --> 00:05:02,092
What? I am not an emotionally
out-of-control doof!
154
00:05:02,126 --> 00:05:03,160
You are!
155
00:05:03,194 --> 00:05:04,795
Adam, quit working your brother up.
156
00:05:04,829 --> 00:05:05,996
He's gonna strain his groin.
157
00:05:06,030 --> 00:05:08,098
Erica, switch seats with me, please.
158
00:05:08,132 --> 00:05:10,934
Hey, if a guy says he
needs to talk, is that bad?
159
00:05:10,968 --> 00:05:12,936
Ooh. Is that a good "ooh"?
160
00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:14,805
Uh. Is that a good "uh"?
161
00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:16,139
You and Geoff are toast!
162
00:05:16,174 --> 00:05:18,542
And not good toast with
tons of marmalade and butter.
163
00:05:18,576 --> 00:05:21,011
Bad toast that's burnt
and breaking up with you.
164
00:05:21,045 --> 00:05:22,946
He's not breaking up with me!
165
00:05:22,980 --> 00:05:24,648
He just got real serious,
166
00:05:24,682 --> 00:05:26,483
and then said he didn't
want to ruin my vacation
167
00:05:26,517 --> 00:05:28,552
by telling me something
and sped off and...
168
00:05:28,586 --> 00:05:30,053
Oh, my God, Geoff's breaking up with me!
169
00:05:30,088 --> 00:05:31,088
You should call him.
170
00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,389
How? He's on the road, too!
171
00:05:32,423 --> 00:05:34,091
I guess you just won't know for a week.
172
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,892
But hey, look on the bright side...
173
00:05:35,927 --> 00:05:37,027
Star Wars.
174
00:05:37,061 --> 00:05:38,095
Yeah, that sounds fun
175
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:40,797
and so much more important
than my relationship!
176
00:05:40,832 --> 00:05:42,065
You know what's fun?
177
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:43,600
A sing-along!
178
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:44,768
Oh, come on!
179
00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:46,937
I'll start us all off.
180
00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,638
? Row, row, row your boat
181
00:05:48,673 --> 00:05:50,273
? Gently down the stream
182
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,341
Jump in!
183
00:05:51,375 --> 00:05:53,143
? Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
184
00:05:53,177 --> 00:05:54,277
? Life is but a dream
185
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:55,345
Anyone now!
186
00:05:55,379 --> 00:05:57,314
? Row, row, row your boat
187
00:05:57,348 --> 00:05:58,815
? Gently down the stream
188
00:05:58,850 --> 00:06:00,083
There's your cue!
189
00:06:00,118 --> 00:06:01,651
? Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
190
00:06:01,686 --> 00:06:02,752
? Life is but a dream
191
00:06:02,787 --> 00:06:03,820
Make it yours.
192
00:06:03,855 --> 00:06:05,755
? Row, row, row your boat
193
00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:07,157
? Gently down the stream
194
00:06:07,191 --> 00:06:08,258
Just the girls!
195
00:06:08,292 --> 00:06:10,227
? Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
196
00:06:10,261 --> 00:06:14,564
? Life is
but a dre-e-e-am
197
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:17,801
That was great!
198
00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:21,004
Yep, our vacation
was off to a slow start.
199
00:06:21,038 --> 00:06:22,772
But somewhere along the open road,
200
00:06:22,807 --> 00:06:25,242
things were about to
kick into high gear.
201
00:06:25,276 --> 00:06:27,310
What the hell is this nut job doing?
202
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,579
Hey! Go around!
203
00:06:29,614 --> 00:06:31,948
I think she's flirting with you, Murray.
204
00:06:31,983 --> 00:06:34,251
Whoa, it's just like in the movie!
205
00:06:34,285 --> 00:06:35,485
But when you see it in real life,
206
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,920
it just comes off as wildly reckless!
207
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,923
You're being very aggressive!
208
00:06:39,957 --> 00:06:41,291
He's spoken for!
209
00:06:41,325 --> 00:06:42,359
Show her your wedding ring!
210
00:06:42,393 --> 00:06:44,361
I think she's eyeballing me.
211
00:06:44,395 --> 00:06:45,695
Move your melon, Murray,
212
00:06:45,730 --> 00:06:48,198
so I can enchant her with a coy wink.
213
00:06:48,232 --> 00:06:49,332
This can't be real.
214
00:06:50,835 --> 00:06:52,335
Oh, it's real, all right.
215
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:55,038
My fruit guy's nephew was
seduced by a road hussy
216
00:06:55,072 --> 00:06:56,640
and he woke up in a bathtub
217
00:06:56,674 --> 00:06:59,543
missing his kidney,
spleen, corneas, and rectum.
218
00:06:59,577 --> 00:07:01,244
There are road hussies?
219
00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:02,646
Geoff's on the road!
220
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:03,713
And single.
221
00:07:03,748 --> 00:07:04,915
We don't know that!
222
00:07:07,418 --> 00:07:09,686
As Pops' blonde beauty sped away,
223
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,588
we headed towards our first pit stop,
224
00:07:11,622 --> 00:07:13,190
the Old West.
225
00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:16,660
See, back in 1980-something,
it was 1880-something.
226
00:07:16,694 --> 00:07:19,162
Would you look at this place?
227
00:07:19,197 --> 00:07:21,264
It's like stepping back in time!
228
00:07:21,299 --> 00:07:23,700
The hotel room prices
are certainly up-to-date.
229
00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:25,068
Howdy, folks.
230
00:07:25,102 --> 00:07:28,705
Welcome to Durango
Gulch, population 237.
231
00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:30,307
Oops.
232
00:07:30,341 --> 00:07:32,108
Looks like 236.
233
00:07:32,143 --> 00:07:33,677
Funny stuff, Quick Draw McGraw.
234
00:07:33,711 --> 00:07:35,212
But, um, where's the pay phones?
235
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,047
It's the 19th century, ma'am.
236
00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:40,350
I don't reckon to know what hifalutin
contraption you're speaking about.
237
00:07:40,384 --> 00:07:42,686
Okay, so you're just
gonna keep doing the thing?
238
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,421
Great. I'll be in the saloon.
239
00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:48,391
Ooh, looks like we
got a real cowboy here.
240
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:49,926
You just step off the trail, pardner?
241
00:07:49,961 --> 00:07:51,962
I'm walking like this
because I blasted my thighs
242
00:07:51,996 --> 00:07:54,097
with unbridled intensity for 300 miles.
243
00:07:54,131 --> 00:07:55,565
How would you two little wranglers
244
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,234
like to be my deputies?
245
00:07:58,502 --> 00:08:00,537
"Little wrangler"?
246
00:08:00,571 --> 00:08:03,440
I'm a man who could grow
twice the mustache you have
247
00:08:03,474 --> 00:08:05,275
except then you'd be humiliated,
248
00:08:05,309 --> 00:08:06,376
and I'd become sheriff,
249
00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:08,144
and I don't want that responsibility.
250
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,481
Ohh... Ow, ow. Ohh.
251
00:08:11,515 --> 00:08:14,651
Not cool, man! Not cool!
252
00:08:14,685 --> 00:08:17,287
Yeah, I don't think he totally
gets what this place is.
253
00:08:18,823 --> 00:08:20,624
There's no way he's breaking up with me.
254
00:08:20,658 --> 00:08:22,826
I mean, look at me. I'm a catch.
255
00:08:22,860 --> 00:08:24,828
I guess I am a little bossy,
256
00:08:24,862 --> 00:08:26,229
but what man doesn't like that?
257
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,066
Damn it! He's so leaving me!
258
00:08:30,101 --> 00:08:31,067
Love isn't real!
259
00:08:31,102 --> 00:08:32,535
Neither is your ID.
260
00:08:32,570 --> 00:08:33,970
Oh, sure, you don't have phones,
261
00:08:34,005 --> 00:08:35,772
but you check my fake driver's license?
262
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:36,873
Pick a century!
263
00:08:40,511 --> 00:08:42,946
Yo, wanna go ride a
dead-eyed mule in a circle?
264
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,314
It's super sad!
265
00:08:44,348 --> 00:08:47,217
No! I'm not going on some dumb
kid's ride. Just leave me alone.
266
00:08:47,251 --> 00:08:49,719
Are you really still upset
that I accurately suggested
267
00:08:49,754 --> 00:08:51,855
you're not ready for the
next major step in your life?
268
00:08:51,889 --> 00:08:55,292
Please, your devastating
words had no effect on me.
269
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:56,760
I know I'm a man!
270
00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:00,764
Oh, no!
271
00:09:00,798 --> 00:09:03,133
Bandits have surrounded the stagecoach!
272
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,200
And I'm gonna prove it!
273
00:09:04,235 --> 00:09:06,136
Is there one man brave enough
274
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:09,005
to stop these banditos
with this here lasso?
275
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:12,175
I am that one man, Fake Sheriff.
276
00:09:12,209 --> 00:09:13,910
You know your way around a rope, son?
277
00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:15,211
Of course I know ropes.
278
00:09:15,246 --> 00:09:17,480
I've played tug-of-war
and the board game Clue...
279
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:20,183
But we lost that piece,
so we use an old checker.
280
00:09:20,217 --> 00:09:23,353
Now just swing this thing
in a slow circular pattern.
281
00:09:24,722 --> 00:09:25,789
Yah!
282
00:09:25,823 --> 00:09:27,524
Yah!
283
00:09:27,558 --> 00:09:28,625
Yah!
284
00:09:28,659 --> 00:09:30,327
Yah! Yah!
285
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:34,531
Is that one of those
cheap plate-glass windows
286
00:09:34,565 --> 00:09:35,999
that cowboys are
always crashing through?
287
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:37,200
It is not.
288
00:09:39,003 --> 00:09:40,403
Morons!
289
00:09:40,438 --> 00:09:43,673
I mean, who gets kicked out
of an imaginary Western town?
290
00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,508
Those rooms were non-refundable!
291
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,843
Well, this is just perfect.
292
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,411
Where are we supposed to stay tonight?
293
00:09:48,446 --> 00:09:50,513
Don't you worry about me.
294
00:09:54,952 --> 00:09:57,087
Hey, Al. Ready to go?
295
00:09:57,121 --> 00:09:58,555
You know it, sweetie.
296
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,990
I'm gonna miss you guys.
297
00:10:01,025 --> 00:10:02,826
You know, you're welcome to stay.
298
00:10:02,860 --> 00:10:05,061
I'm being polite. Punch it!
299
00:10:07,164 --> 00:10:08,298
Okay.
300
00:10:08,332 --> 00:10:10,133
We're still together mostly.
301
00:10:10,167 --> 00:10:12,469
Don't worry, I've already thought of
302
00:10:12,503 --> 00:10:14,304
a cheap, available
place for us to sleep.
303
00:10:14,338 --> 00:10:17,173
That night, our
hotel didn't have four stars.
304
00:10:17,208 --> 00:10:18,341
It had four wheels.
305
00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:20,009
Stop fluffing me, I'm not a pillow!
306
00:10:20,044 --> 00:10:21,111
Then get softer!
307
00:10:21,145 --> 00:10:23,246
Will you two dopes shut up?
308
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:26,015
My God, this trip sucks.
309
00:10:26,050 --> 00:10:27,817
At least it's the last one
we'll ever take together.
310
00:10:27,852 --> 00:10:30,987
Until Mom forces us to do
this all again next year.
311
00:10:31,021 --> 00:10:33,757
Dummy, we're going off to college.
312
00:10:33,791 --> 00:10:36,159
We're not doing this again. Ever.
313
00:10:36,193 --> 00:10:38,428
Yeah, we're not just moving out.
314
00:10:38,462 --> 00:10:40,330
We're moving on for good.
315
00:10:40,364 --> 00:10:42,432
In that moment,
I realized our family
316
00:10:42,466 --> 00:10:44,467
was truly going their separate ways.
317
00:10:44,502 --> 00:10:46,770
No more crazy adventures
with my brother or sister.
318
00:10:46,804 --> 00:10:48,438
And no more middle seat.
319
00:10:48,472 --> 00:10:50,006
I'm okay with it.
320
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,375
But there was one person who
would never be okay with it.
321
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,795
Our family vacation was
still on truck for Disneyland,
322
00:10:55,814 --> 00:10:58,115
but my mom's mind was
on a different path.
323
00:10:58,149 --> 00:10:59,783
Murray, the kids aren't
gonna go away to college
324
00:10:59,818 --> 00:11:02,019
- and never come back, right?
- I dunno.
325
00:11:02,053 --> 00:11:03,787
Sure they're growing
up, but they love us
326
00:11:03,822 --> 00:11:06,423
- and want to stay in our lives forever!
- I dunno.
327
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:08,692
My children will spend
every summer with me
328
00:11:08,726 --> 00:11:10,294
until the day I die!
329
00:11:10,328 --> 00:11:11,829
And even then, they're
gonna carry my urn
330
00:11:11,863 --> 00:11:13,597
on every vacation they ever take.
331
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,833
- Of course!
- Well, you're finally agreeing with me?
332
00:11:15,867 --> 00:11:17,835
Of course they're
screwing me at the pump!
333
00:11:17,869 --> 00:11:19,870
$9 to fill up a tank?
334
00:11:19,904 --> 00:11:23,240
Our babies are choosing to
de-latch from our collective bosom
335
00:11:23,274 --> 00:11:25,876
and all you care about is gas mileage!
336
00:11:25,910 --> 00:11:27,111
What do you want from me?
337
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,846
I don't know what those
morons are gonna do.
338
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:30,247
But I do know they're here now,
339
00:11:30,281 --> 00:11:33,016
so let's, uh, drive
around or, uh, whatever.
340
00:11:33,051 --> 00:11:34,151
That's right!
341
00:11:34,185 --> 00:11:35,619
They're with us now!
342
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,754
So if we make this trip extra special,
343
00:11:37,789 --> 00:11:39,490
they're gonna want
to come back for more!
344
00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:41,258
Yeah, I dunno.
345
00:11:41,292 --> 00:11:43,660
As my mom was trying
to keep her family together,
346
00:11:43,695 --> 00:11:46,864
my sister was trying to keep her
relationship from falling apart.
347
00:11:46,898 --> 00:11:48,599
Hey, Geoff, it's Erica.
348
00:11:48,633 --> 00:11:51,969
Just checking in to see what
you meant by, "We need to talk."
349
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:55,038
Probably just wanted to
say how we have no problems
350
00:11:55,073 --> 00:11:56,807
and we're a perfect couple.
351
00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,543
Okay, well, have fun on the road, bye!
352
00:11:59,577 --> 00:12:02,346
Unfortunately, she couldn't
leave just one message.
353
00:12:02,380 --> 00:12:04,748
Here's what "We need
to talk" means to me.
354
00:12:04,782 --> 00:12:06,250
It means we have a problem.
355
00:12:06,284 --> 00:12:07,551
So is... Is it me?
356
00:12:07,585 --> 00:12:08,919
You're the problem, Geoff!
357
00:12:08,953 --> 00:12:10,521
Maybe I don't want you!
358
00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:12,256
Come back to me, my widdle Geoffy-weffy.
359
00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:13,357
You're a butt!
360
00:12:13,391 --> 00:12:15,125
And not just the tiny part of the butt,
361
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:16,226
but the whole mound.
362
00:12:16,261 --> 00:12:18,795
The cheeks, the smelly
region, all of it.
363
00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:21,999
Okey-doke. I think I got it.
364
00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:23,100
Thanks, Dr. Schwartz.
365
00:12:23,134 --> 00:12:24,268
Oh, I almost forgot.
366
00:12:24,302 --> 00:12:26,170
Geoffrey called and passed
on a message of his own.
367
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:27,271
What did he say?
368
00:12:27,305 --> 00:12:29,673
He said he needs to tell you in person,
369
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,975
but it's big and possibly upsetting.
370
00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:34,077
That doesn't help at all. It
just makes everything worse!
371
00:12:34,112 --> 00:12:35,412
Sure thing, honey. Bye now.
372
00:12:37,448 --> 00:12:38,849
Why didn't you get a slushie?
373
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,384
They had your favorite... Blue.
374
00:12:40,418 --> 00:12:43,020
Real men don't drink
that delicious crap.
375
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,488
They drink boiling-hot coffee.
376
00:12:44,522 --> 00:12:45,889
But you hate coffee.
377
00:12:45,924 --> 00:12:47,858
That was Yesterday Barry.
378
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:50,494
But now my taste buds and
skittish tummy have matured.
379
00:12:52,764 --> 00:12:54,665
How could you put this in your body?
380
00:12:54,699 --> 00:12:56,700
Ugh!
381
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,068
I love it.
382
00:12:58,102 --> 00:13:01,205
Okay, Bar, clearly I freaked
you out about starting college...
383
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:02,439
I'm not freaked out!
384
00:13:02,473 --> 00:13:03,774
If anything, I'm freaked in!
385
00:13:03,808 --> 00:13:06,109
- That doesn't mean anything.
- You don't mean anything!
386
00:13:06,144 --> 00:13:08,178
You're a tiny boy who
doesn't know the struggles
387
00:13:08,213 --> 00:13:10,714
of a fully grown college gentleman!
388
00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:13,650
Hot! Hot!
389
00:13:16,454 --> 00:13:18,088
This is hard to watch.
390
00:13:18,122 --> 00:13:20,557
But the good news is we'll
be in Anaheim in two days.
391
00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:21,925
Change of plans!
392
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:25,095
I've got a surefire way to make
sure everybody loves this vacation...
393
00:13:25,129 --> 00:13:27,064
Make it way longer!
394
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,365
Oh, balls.
395
00:13:28,399 --> 00:13:31,535
We are gonna hit every major
attraction from here to California.
396
00:13:31,569 --> 00:13:32,703
But that'll take forever.
397
00:13:32,737 --> 00:13:34,137
What about my "Star Tours" ride?
398
00:13:34,172 --> 00:13:37,341
Schmoopie, it's about the
journey, not the destination.
399
00:13:37,375 --> 00:13:39,776
Ha! You have to appreciate the journey!
400
00:13:39,811 --> 00:13:42,546
Ah, see? Barry's excited! Who else?
401
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:44,948
Might as well, my
relationship is probably over.
402
00:13:44,983 --> 00:13:46,950
See? Another one of my
babies didn't say no!
403
00:13:46,985 --> 00:13:48,018
Murray?
404
00:13:48,052 --> 00:13:49,519
I don't care what we
do, as long as it's free.
405
00:13:49,554 --> 00:13:50,621
Ah! See?
406
00:13:50,655 --> 00:13:53,690
Everyone's in and happy
and we're making memories,
407
00:13:53,725 --> 00:13:56,360
and this is gonna be the
best Goldbergs vacation ever!
408
00:13:57,695 --> 00:13:59,630
Say, "Cheese"!
409
00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:02,199
And so we saw America.
410
00:14:02,233 --> 00:14:04,801
In all its weird and magnificent glory.
411
00:14:04,836 --> 00:14:06,937
There were sculptures made of cars,
412
00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:08,805
mountains made of faces,
413
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:11,008
one big hole.
414
00:14:11,042 --> 00:14:12,809
But what took our breath away the most
415
00:14:12,844 --> 00:14:15,746
was the crappy motel our
dad insisted staying at.
416
00:14:15,780 --> 00:14:18,282
This is the kind of motel
where people live full-time.
417
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:19,516
Uh, it's gross.
418
00:14:19,550 --> 00:14:20,817
It's cozy.
419
00:14:20,852 --> 00:14:22,486
There's police tape around the pool.
420
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:26,023
That shows the police have
already been here. So it's safe.
421
00:14:26,057 --> 00:14:28,191
Look! They got one of those
Magic Fingers bed massagers.
422
00:14:28,226 --> 00:14:29,293
No!
423
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:30,927
Nobody touch anything
424
00:14:30,962 --> 00:14:32,929
until I hit it with
some Lysol Pine action.
425
00:14:32,964 --> 00:14:34,298
I'm turning it on!
426
00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:36,600
My thighs and tummy
muscles are still sore!
427
00:14:38,036 --> 00:14:40,871
Let's soothe my aching bones!
428
00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:44,608
Lemme turn it down.
429
00:14:46,244 --> 00:14:47,678
Damn it, moron!
430
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:49,079
They don't have any more rooms!
431
00:14:49,113 --> 00:14:51,348
What do you do with these things?
432
00:14:51,382 --> 00:14:53,950
I've got a super fun idea
that solves everything!
433
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,287
Who can sleep like this?
434
00:14:57,322 --> 00:14:59,890
Yeah, we barely
slept a wink that night.
435
00:14:59,924 --> 00:15:01,558
And we were so exhausted
the next morning,
436
00:15:01,592 --> 00:15:03,393
everyone passed out in the car.
437
00:15:03,428 --> 00:15:04,828
And I mean everyone.
438
00:15:24,782 --> 00:15:27,250
Do you think this will
affect our time at Disneyland?
439
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,555
Barry, this is all your fault!
440
00:15:31,589 --> 00:15:33,323
You and your stupid bed massager.
441
00:15:33,358 --> 00:15:35,692
I know! I'm not a man!
442
00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:38,895
I'm starting college, but the
truth is I still feel like a boy.
443
00:15:38,930 --> 00:15:40,530
Like sad, pathetic little Adam here.
444
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:41,598
Hey!
445
00:15:41,632 --> 00:15:42,766
Will you shut up?
446
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:43,934
I mean, look at this!
447
00:15:43,968 --> 00:15:46,036
Now I'll never get to a
phone and learn the truth
448
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:47,471
that I definitely don't wanna know!
449
00:15:47,505 --> 00:15:48,605
My God!
450
00:15:48,639 --> 00:15:50,707
You're both just selfish jerks!
451
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:51,875
You know, I actually thought
452
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:54,244
I was gonna miss you next
year, but good riddance!
453
00:15:54,278 --> 00:15:55,412
Stop!
454
00:15:55,446 --> 00:15:56,747
Tell me the truth...
455
00:15:56,781 --> 00:15:59,816
Are you all gonna head out the door
for college and never look back?
456
00:16:01,953 --> 00:16:03,587
I see.
457
00:16:04,722 --> 00:16:07,557
Every one of these
pictures breaks my heart.
458
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,760
You all look sad or angry or miserable.
459
00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:11,762
And that is not what I wanted.
460
00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:13,797
Bevy... No!
461
00:16:13,831 --> 00:16:15,966
Let's just go home and be done with it.
462
00:16:17,001 --> 00:16:19,069
I can't take another
day of family vacation
463
00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,171
if this is the last
one I'm ever gonna have.
464
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,628
Our car and our Mom were broken,
465
00:16:26,927 --> 00:16:28,861
and all we wanted was to go home.
466
00:16:28,895 --> 00:16:30,563
I thought we had more
suitcases than this.
467
00:16:30,597 --> 00:16:31,630
We did.
468
00:16:31,665 --> 00:16:33,032
At least this horrible trip is over.
469
00:16:33,066 --> 00:16:35,601
But it wasn't. Not for my dad.
470
00:16:35,635 --> 00:16:38,704
He was about to head down
a road we never expected.
471
00:16:38,738 --> 00:16:40,306
You know what I think?
472
00:16:40,340 --> 00:16:41,941
I think you're all [BLEEP] in the head.
473
00:16:41,975 --> 00:16:43,642
- Whoa!
- Motel language!
474
00:16:43,677 --> 00:16:44,777
You're just gonna give up?
475
00:16:44,811 --> 00:16:45,844
- Yeah.
- Kinda.
476
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,079
Do we have a choice?
477
00:16:47,113 --> 00:16:49,982
Your mom worked her ass off
to plan you a great vacation,
478
00:16:50,016 --> 00:16:51,684
and I didn't know why.
479
00:16:51,718 --> 00:16:53,319
But, damn it, I do now.
480
00:16:54,354 --> 00:16:55,654
Murray, what are you saying?
481
00:16:55,689 --> 00:16:57,456
I'm not sure about the future,
482
00:16:57,490 --> 00:16:59,692
but right here, right now,
483
00:16:59,726 --> 00:17:02,494
there's no amount of
money I wouldn't spend
484
00:17:02,529 --> 00:17:04,530
for my family to have a great vacation.
485
00:17:04,564 --> 00:17:05,698
Dad's suddenly thoughtful!
486
00:17:05,732 --> 00:17:07,199
He must've banged his
head in the accident!
487
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:08,300
Are you serious?
488
00:17:08,335 --> 00:17:10,603
To keep this family together,
489
00:17:10,637 --> 00:17:12,638
I would spend every last penny.
490
00:17:14,608 --> 00:17:16,041
Hey, Goldbergs, need a lift?
491
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:17,943
Thank God! Everybody get in! Come on!
492
00:17:17,978 --> 00:17:19,812
Geoff! How did you find us?
493
00:17:19,846 --> 00:17:22,081
Well, you left my dad a lot
of very upsetting messages,
494
00:17:22,115 --> 00:17:23,882
so I drove here as fast as I could.
495
00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:25,851
I followed your suitcases
like bread crumbs!
496
00:17:25,885 --> 00:17:27,753
So, what did you want
to talk to me about?
497
00:17:29,856 --> 00:17:31,090
Well...
498
00:17:31,124 --> 00:17:34,627
I had such an amazing time
doing nothing this summer,
499
00:17:34,661 --> 00:17:37,162
that I want it to continue.
500
00:17:37,197 --> 00:17:38,564
I'm not going to school in the fall.
501
00:17:39,165 --> 00:17:40,699
Oh, my God! That's it?
502
00:17:40,734 --> 00:17:43,202
Well, yeah. I mean,
it's a pretty big deal.
503
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:44,536
My dad's not thrilled.
504
00:17:44,571 --> 00:17:45,838
And your messages didn't exactly
505
00:17:45,872 --> 00:17:47,506
fill him with hope for my future.
506
00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:49,642
You jerk! I thought you
were breaking up with me!
507
00:17:49,676 --> 00:17:51,076
What? Never.
508
00:17:51,111 --> 00:17:52,778
You're the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.
509
00:17:53,413 --> 00:17:54,913
I never doubted it.
510
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:57,416
Turns out some
trips are about finding your way,
511
00:17:57,450 --> 00:17:59,551
and not losing track
of where you're headed.
512
00:17:59,586 --> 00:18:03,355
- Hey, Bar. About what I said.
- No, you were right.
513
00:18:03,390 --> 00:18:04,590
I'm not ready for college.
514
00:18:04,624 --> 00:18:05,724
Of course you are.
515
00:18:05,759 --> 00:18:07,426
You're Big Tasty.
516
00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:10,596
You attack everything you do
with the full force of your being.
517
00:18:10,630 --> 00:18:13,265
Trust me, college is gonna
be a piece of cake for you.
518
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,600
You really think so?
519
00:18:14,634 --> 00:18:15,768
I know so.
520
00:18:16,569 --> 00:18:17,870
Thanks, Ad-Rock.
521
00:18:17,904 --> 00:18:20,372
Venturing out can be scary,
522
00:18:20,407 --> 00:18:21,573
but it's easier to take that trek
523
00:18:21,608 --> 00:18:23,442
when you're riding with
the people you love.
524
00:18:23,476 --> 00:18:25,844
Family vacations are hard.
525
00:18:25,879 --> 00:18:28,814
They're stressful and expensive,
526
00:18:28,848 --> 00:18:30,749
and uncomfortable.
527
00:18:30,784 --> 00:18:32,251
But the thing that makes them great
528
00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,687
are the memories of
doing it all together.
529
00:18:34,721 --> 00:18:36,221
We're really here.
530
00:18:37,057 --> 00:18:38,090
Thank you, Mama.
531
00:18:38,892 --> 00:18:40,426
Anything for you, schmoo.
532
00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:42,695
Maybe next year we can
go to Walt Disney World.
533
00:18:42,729 --> 00:18:43,762
That sounds pretty cool.
534
00:18:43,797 --> 00:18:44,930
Yeah, I guess I'd try it.
535
00:18:44,964 --> 00:18:47,166
Wait... You guys would
wanna do this again?
536
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,734
I'm open to it.
537
00:18:48,768 --> 00:18:51,070
Ah! My schmoopies will
be with me forever!
538
00:18:53,473 --> 00:18:55,541
Are we too late?
539
00:18:55,575 --> 00:18:58,310
- We got lost.
- Intentionally.
540
00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:00,279
Just in time, Pops!
We're running for it!
541
00:19:18,998 --> 00:19:21,333
Oh, sorry, park's closed.
542
00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:23,669
What? Oh, no! Someone do something!
543
00:19:23,703 --> 00:19:25,337
I'm here!
544
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:27,906
Don't worry, schmoo. Mama's got this.
545
00:19:27,941 --> 00:19:29,041
In that moment,
546
00:19:29,075 --> 00:19:30,642
Beverly Goldberg did
what she did best...
547
00:19:30,677 --> 00:19:33,045
She lied her ass off.
548
00:19:33,079 --> 00:19:35,848
She told elaborate, far-fetched
tales of our journey.
549
00:19:35,882 --> 00:19:38,217
Apparently, we were
attacked by bald eagles
550
00:19:38,251 --> 00:19:40,119
and a motorcycle gang?
551
00:19:40,153 --> 00:19:43,122
There was a tornado, and then a tsunami.
552
00:19:43,156 --> 00:19:45,524
And then another tornado.
553
00:19:45,558 --> 00:19:49,194
She wove a tapestry of lies
so intricate, so beautiful,
554
00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,330
by the end, none of
us knew what was real.
555
00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:52,898
...and that is when little Adam
556
00:19:52,932 --> 00:19:55,968
had to help his grandpa
by sucking out the venom.
557
00:19:56,002 --> 00:19:59,204
Wow, you guys have been
through a whole lot as a family.
558
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:01,340
And you know what? I had no idea
there were zebras in Arizona.
559
00:20:01,374 --> 00:20:03,242
Zebras are the piranhas of the sand.
560
00:20:03,276 --> 00:20:05,911
Well, you know what? All I
meant was the park is closed now.
561
00:20:05,945 --> 00:20:07,279
But it opens in 15 minutes.
562
00:20:08,748 --> 00:20:10,682
Why didn't you say something?
563
00:20:10,717 --> 00:20:12,451
Well, I tried, but you
were going on and on and on.
564
00:20:12,485 --> 00:20:14,286
But go on in! Come on,
the park's all yours!
565
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,054
Rusty, you're the best!
566
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:17,890
Let's do it, Adam! Let's
go ride "Star Tours"!
567
00:20:17,924 --> 00:20:19,258
No, no!
568
00:20:19,292 --> 00:20:22,127
I think I know something that would
be more fun for the whole family.
569
00:20:23,630 --> 00:20:26,598
We finally made it
to the happiest place on Earth.
570
00:20:26,633 --> 00:20:29,034
And as magical as it
was, thanks to my mom,
571
00:20:29,068 --> 00:20:32,171
I realized the best part
of the Goldberg vacation
572
00:20:32,205 --> 00:20:33,539
was the journey.
573
00:20:33,573 --> 00:20:36,375
To this day, we still
travel as a family.
574
00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:38,343
Of course, it never gets easier,
575
00:20:38,378 --> 00:20:40,512
but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
576
00:20:52,653 --> 00:20:54,470
_
577
00:20:54,471 --> 00:20:58,111
Synced and Corrected by YesCool
www.addic7ed.com
578
00:20:58,112 --> 00:21:00,247
_
579
00:21:01,324 --> 00:21:02,386
Wakey, Wakey.
580
00:21:03,834 --> 00:21:04,928
Get out. I was just dreaming on
581
00:21:04,929 --> 00:21:06,022
scoring a touchdown for the Eagles!
582
00:21:06,585 --> 00:21:07,729
But I brought you breakfast.
583
00:21:08,149 --> 00:21:09,507
Well, finally! I've been trying to
584
00:21:09,508 --> 00:21:10,865
take my meals in my room for years.
585
00:21:10,866 --> 00:21:15,345
Give me! This is awhole lot of liquids.
586
00:21:15,346 --> 00:21:19,926
Oh, No! Adam, stop! I shouldn't
587
00:21:19,927 --> 00:21:24,506
have stold it from the hotel!
588
00:21:24,507 --> 00:21:25,507
Yeah, I'm gonna miss you!
42864
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