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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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[ENGINE RUMBLING]
3
00:00:10,450 --> 00:00:12,221
Tickets, please.
4
00:00:12,250 --> 00:00:15,800
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
5
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Barkeep. A drink for my colleague.
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00:00:20,090 --> 00:00:21,099
Do I know you?
7
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,129
I know the only reason
to travel by train
8
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is to travel with weapons.
9
00:00:24,530 --> 00:00:26,193
And we all know that
at the end of this line,
10
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there's only one creature worth killing.
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00:00:28,740 --> 00:00:31,630
The man in the white coat.
12
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:34,370
May as well take turns
exchanging stories.
13
00:00:34,380 --> 00:00:38,190
Mine begins on planet Ramamama.
14
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:39,360
Lower him into acid.
15
00:00:40,370 --> 00:00:44,319
Once he's dissolved, lower
someone else into acid.
16
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Is he dissolved?
17
00:00:46,330 --> 00:00:49,100
At least use the downtime
to reset the acid lowerer.
18
00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:51,430
I really don't like the
attitude around here.
19
00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:53,909
It's a very "lower me
into acid" attitude.
20
00:00:53,910 --> 00:00:55,306
[DOOR SLAMS OPEN]
21
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Who are you?
22
00:00:57,110 --> 00:00:58,350
[FARTS]
23
00:00:58,360 --> 00:00:59,643
How did you reach my sanctum?
24
00:00:59,650 --> 00:01:02,080
- [FARTS]
- All right, this is going in circles.
25
00:01:02,090 --> 00:01:03,230
Seize him!
26
00:01:04,180 --> 00:01:05,839
- Aah!
- Aah!
27
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,350
[ALL SHOUTING]
28
00:01:08,370 --> 00:01:12,470
♪ ♪
29
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:14,180
[GLASS SHATTERS]
30
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- Aah!
- Aah!
31
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[FARTING]
32
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Very well.
33
00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:24,000
Now I will fight you.
34
00:01:25,770 --> 00:01:27,850
Anyway, he tells a different
version of the story
35
00:01:27,860 --> 00:01:29,570
where I start crying or something.
36
00:01:29,580 --> 00:01:31,810
That's why he has to die.
37
00:01:31,820 --> 00:01:33,230
'Cause he's a liar.
38
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:34,339
So...
39
00:01:34,340 --> 00:01:36,450
why are you going to kill Rick Sanchez?
40
00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:37,850
Okay, I don't know who that is.
41
00:01:37,860 --> 00:01:39,590
I don't accept your weird leap in logic
42
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that has everyone on a
train going to kill one guy.
43
00:01:41,780 --> 00:01:42,960
And even if I did,
44
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,438
why would we take turns telling stories
45
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:45,948
about it like little
girls at a sleepover?
46
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If you're trying to be hurtful,
47
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you're doing a good job.
48
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:50,359
I'll take his turn.
49
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,330
Here's why I'm going
to kill Rick Sanchez.
50
00:01:52,340 --> 00:01:55,130
- You guys have fun with this.
- Dissolve to a clam-shaped sun
51
00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:56,900
rising over a giant beach.
52
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Whew. [SIGHS]
53
00:01:58,350 --> 00:02:00,230
By then, of course, he had left toys
54
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,430
and flesh drops for every one
of us in the spore-hive.
55
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,400
Ah, a newcomer! I suppose you think
56
00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:06,590
you have a better story
57
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:09,419
about how Rick Sanchez
saved Space Christmas.
58
00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:13,149
- What is with the Rick Sanchez obsession?
- [LAUGHTER]
59
00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:14,949
I think the best way to answer that
60
00:02:14,950 --> 00:02:16,970
is with my Christmas Rick Tale.
61
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Whoo!
62
00:02:20,020 --> 00:02:21,789
Could've used Rudolph tonight!
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Oh, thank God. I'm not too late.
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00:02:23,650 --> 00:02:24,948
I don't know how to thank you, Goomby.
65
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No need. You just go in
there and have a nice time.
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00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,070
I will. Thanks.
67
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:33,862
- [DOOR OPENS]
- Hey.
68
00:02:33,870 --> 00:02:35,439
Merry Christmas, Goomby.
69
00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:36,940
Merry Christmas, Rick.
70
00:02:36,950 --> 00:02:38,575
Oh. Uh...
71
00:02:38,580 --> 00:02:39,669
Oh, it's okay.
72
00:02:39,670 --> 00:02:41,328
I-I don't have to. Sorry if that was...
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00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:42,769
No. Um, um, I can ask.
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No, no, no, I don't wanna be a burden.
75
00:02:43,940 --> 00:02:45,509
Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, there's just...
76
00:02:45,510 --> 00:02:46,779
there's a lot of people. Family.
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00:02:46,780 --> 00:02:47,988
- I get it.
- You know? You're not mad?
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00:02:47,990 --> 00:02:50,309
Totally fine. Bye.
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00:02:50,310 --> 00:02:52,350
[WIND WHISTLING]
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[LAUGHTER]
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00:02:57,020 --> 00:02:58,680
That... Okay, none of my business,
82
00:02:58,690 --> 00:02:59,908
but he didn't even save
Christmas in that story.
83
00:02:59,910 --> 00:03:01,708
- Oh, how dare you!
- That doesn't mean I'm invested.
84
00:03:01,710 --> 00:03:03,859
Tell your Christmas Rick story!
85
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Step the hell back! Back!
86
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♪ ♪
87
00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:11,299
[PANTING]
88
00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:13,240
You start teeing up a
Rick Sanchez vignette,
89
00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:14,458
and you'll be doing
it through two holes.
90
00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:16,658
I'm just trying to figure out
what's going on with this train.
91
00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:18,364
- Do you remember getting on it?
- No.
92
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:19,533
First thing I remember is...
93
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Tickets, please.
94
00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:26,920
So, why did you date Rick Sanchez?
95
00:03:26,930 --> 00:03:28,880
- What?
- Oh, you don't have to pretend
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00:03:28,890 --> 00:03:31,160
you didn't date him. We all did.
97
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We get it. Low point in your life,
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rebound from an ex, et cetera.
99
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:36,383
No, really, who?
100
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:38,719
[CHUCKLES] Oh, exactly.
101
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:42,999
In fact, and get this,
when he met my family...
102
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,299
- [WOLF GROWLING]
- Aah!
103
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:45,600
[GRUNTING]
104
00:03:45,610 --> 00:03:47,799
Leah! Leah, check it out.
105
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,520
- Where'd you meet this, um...
- [SIGHS]
106
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:50,629
... sprite?
107
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:53,139
He's actually a human.
108
00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:55,709
But he invented portal tech?
109
00:03:55,710 --> 00:03:57,409
I am the concept of time.
110
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Jesus!
111
00:03:58,570 --> 00:03:59,639
I warned you not to do that.
112
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- I wasn't trying.
- You don't have to.
113
00:04:01,390 --> 00:04:02,840
The train is obviously amplifying
114
00:04:02,850 --> 00:04:04,630
and linking unrelated narrative fields.
115
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:05,669
Uh-huh...
116
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Morty? I told you if you found me again,
117
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identify yourself.
118
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I didn't know it was you.
119
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How did you not recognize me?
120
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:13,860
Didn't you create the disguises?
121
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When I create shit, it works, Morty.
122
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:16,899
It's called being talented.
123
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:18,199
Why can't we find the engine?
124
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,399
It's not a real train,
it's a story device.
125
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Literally. A literal literary device
126
00:04:22,770 --> 00:04:25,069
quite literally
metaphorically containing us.
127
00:04:25,070 --> 00:04:27,499
- A simulation.
- Worse. An anthology.
128
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,189
Okay, so how... how do we hijack it?
129
00:04:29,190 --> 00:04:30,670
Oh, Morty, it's been hijacked
130
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:31,808
for at least two full minutes.
131
00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:34,160
Are you not hearing this
insane conversation?
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Okay, Tickets Please Guy,
stop the anthology.
133
00:04:36,850 --> 00:04:38,949
If we wanted one-offs,
we'd do Interdimensional Cable,
134
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not some uptight, overwritten...
135
00:04:40,830 --> 00:04:42,349
- Rick?
- God damn!
136
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:43,819
Tickets, please.
137
00:04:43,820 --> 00:04:46,829
Dude, I'm sure you've got, like,
so many tickets at this point.
138
00:04:46,830 --> 00:04:49,289
Jesus! The Tickets Please guy is cut!
139
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:50,999
He... he... he's...
he's got those things.
140
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,090
W-what do you call them.
Uhm, cum gutters.
141
00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:54,568
- Morty, gross!
- That's what people call them.
142
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Gross people. I don't
want to have to picture
143
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cum so watery in such volumes that...
144
00:04:58,295 --> 00:05:00,040
Hey, hey, hey, stay back. I'll kick you.
145
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:01,802
I-I'll kick your shin, bro.
146
00:05:01,810 --> 00:05:02,900
- Aaah!
- Hey!
147
00:05:02,910 --> 00:05:05,530
I'll fuckin' cook and eat
your ticket-taking ass.
148
00:05:05,540 --> 00:05:07,570
- [COUGHS]
- Hey, I found a ticket.
149
00:05:07,580 --> 00:05:08,760
[COUGHS]
150
00:05:08,770 --> 00:05:11,449
Wow, you are just...
ladies and gentlemen,
151
00:05:11,450 --> 00:05:13,379
the Jackie Chan of human shielding.
152
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,000
Who takes the time
to get this good at...
153
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,019
Fuck this.
154
00:05:16,020 --> 00:05:17,420
- Aaah.
- Structural breach.
155
00:05:17,430 --> 00:05:18,599
Losing continuity.
156
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:19,800
Morty, hold on to something.
157
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Keep your head inside.
158
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,170
Aaah! [GASPS]
159
00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:27,327
- _
- [VIDEO GAMES BEEPING]
160
00:05:27,330 --> 00:05:28,710
Share with your sister, Josh.
161
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:29,788
Just because it's your birthday
162
00:05:29,790 --> 00:05:30,888
doesn't mean you can be an asshole.
163
00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:33,649
- You okay, Dad?
- Is this real?
164
00:05:33,650 --> 00:05:35,039
I doubt it, but you get what you get
165
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when you eat dinner in an arcade.
166
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I mean are you real, is life real?
167
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Okay, I'm calling the nurse
168
00:05:39,620 --> 00:05:40,788
because you are not doing this tonight.
169
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You're God damn right
170
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,009
- I'm not because...
- You are not doing this tonight!
171
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,339
This isn't real life!
172
00:05:45,340 --> 00:05:46,749
- Dad? Oh, my God!
- Honey. Sweetie.
173
00:05:46,750 --> 00:05:48,028
- What's happening?
- Give me your tickets.
174
00:05:48,030 --> 00:05:49,200
I... I need tickets.
175
00:05:49,210 --> 00:05:52,560
Everyone give me tickeeeeeettttttts!
176
00:05:52,570 --> 00:05:53,590
Aaaah!
177
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,356
Aaah!
178
00:05:57,910 --> 00:06:01,069
FEMALE VOICE: Emergency
continuity deployed.
179
00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:02,260
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
180
00:06:02,270 --> 00:06:03,370
[GROANS]
181
00:06:05,290 --> 00:06:06,939
- This could come in handy.
- Can't we just ride out the...
182
00:06:06,940 --> 00:06:08,749
Fuck you, I'd rather die.
183
00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:10,109
- [CRASHING]
- Train cops! Hands in the air!
184
00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:11,439
Tee up a story about Rick Sanchez!
185
00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,009
- He is Rick!
- Jesus Christ!
186
00:06:13,010 --> 00:06:14,360
Is that the Tickets Please Guy?
187
00:06:14,370 --> 00:06:15,705
Well, just the stub.
188
00:06:15,706 --> 00:06:17,040
- Too soon!
- Too soon!
189
00:06:17,050 --> 00:06:18,910
Don't move! Too soon!
190
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,039
So, what did the Train Cops do wrong?
191
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Shot... people?
192
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,409
- Shot passengers.
- Wrong.
193
00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:28,840
The passengers tampered with
the anthology's structure.
194
00:06:28,850 --> 00:06:30,229
Lethal response was permitted,
195
00:06:30,230 --> 00:06:32,559
but not with him holding that tank.
196
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,299
Let's take a look at what
they should have done.
197
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:35,529
Train cops! Hands in the air!
198
00:06:35,530 --> 00:06:37,750
- Drop the tank! Drop it!
- Drop it! Drop the tank.
199
00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:40,960
[APPLAUSE]
200
00:06:40,970 --> 00:06:42,100
Sorry to nitpick, sir,
201
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,360
but if there was a continuity explosion,
202
00:06:44,370 --> 00:06:45,750
isn't there always one?
203
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,770
And doesn't that mean those
two could be anywhere?
204
00:06:47,790 --> 00:06:49,709
What? No, you idiot, that... it's...
205
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,859
It's just a training video.
That didn't actually happen.
206
00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:54,100
- That's what you think.
- Hey. How'd you get here?
207
00:06:54,130 --> 00:06:56,088
Yeah, like we're the ones that
popped up out of nowhere?
208
00:06:56,090 --> 00:06:57,129
Fuck these guys.
209
00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:58,860
[GRUNTING]
210
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,699
Hey, what the hell? Your leg is healed.
211
00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:04,079
Yeah, it's a real free-for-all.
212
00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:05,089
Here we go.
213
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:07,039
Of course this thing is
just a fuckin' circle.
214
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,120
You'd think it was so
God damn complicated...
215
00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:11,570
Okay, here's where the
stupid vignettes were.
216
00:07:11,580 --> 00:07:13,308
God, imagine if that had
been the whole thing.
217
00:07:13,310 --> 00:07:17,062
So now we're here, and
the engine must be here.
218
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,839
I'll have to rig us a
couple of space suits
219
00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:20,619
that start failing around here
220
00:07:20,620 --> 00:07:22,200
so we can [BURPS] pay a heavy price
221
00:07:22,210 --> 00:07:23,849
for re-entering at this threshold.
222
00:07:23,850 --> 00:07:25,239
We have to leave the train?
223
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,949
We don't have to do anything, Morty.
224
00:07:26,950 --> 00:07:28,460
This is just a structural guide.
225
00:07:28,470 --> 00:07:30,530
We're obviously gonna
impart our own style.
226
00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:32,048
I don't like how meta
this is getting, Rick.
227
00:07:32,050 --> 00:07:33,349
Shut up, Morty. You're 14.
228
00:07:33,350 --> 00:07:34,859
You watch videos of people on YouTube
229
00:07:34,860 --> 00:07:36,519
reacting to fucking YouTube.
230
00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:37,899
I'll be the judge of
when we get too meta.
231
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:38,929
Holy shit.
232
00:07:38,930 --> 00:07:40,189
- How is he still breathing?
- Aah!
233
00:07:40,190 --> 00:07:42,520
He's suspended in
disbelief, slowly dying
234
00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:44,959
while living out an alternative
non-diagetic reality.
235
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,879
Geez, what a horrible way to die.
236
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:47,899
You don't know the half of it.
237
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,460
- Oh!
- [BOTH LAUGH]
238
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,509
You're on fuego with the
guy-torn-in-half bits, Rick.
239
00:07:51,510 --> 00:07:52,568
That one was organic, though.
240
00:07:52,570 --> 00:07:54,230
That's because you're naturally funny.
241
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,408
That... that's good old-fashioned
fun right there, you know?
242
00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,008
W-w-we don't need to
over-think shit, okay?
243
00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:59,800
Okay, buddy. Nice and grounded,
244
00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:01,854
- fully immersive from here on out.
- [RUMBLING]
245
00:08:01,855 --> 00:08:04,200
- Right after this.
- W-what's happening?
246
00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:05,590
Going into an act break.
247
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,490
♪ Not quite a bird ♪
248
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,680
♪ Not quite a person ♪
249
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:12,009
♪ Maybe what matters ♪
250
00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:14,509
♪ Is to love yourself first and ♪
251
00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:16,260
♪ Soar ♪
252
00:08:16,270 --> 00:08:18,240
♪ Child of air and land ♪
253
00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:20,279
♪ With wings and hands ♪
254
00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:22,239
♪ Yes, you're a bird and a person ♪
255
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,409
♪ I'm a bird and a person ♪
256
00:08:24,410 --> 00:08:26,381
♪ And more ♪
257
00:08:26,390 --> 00:08:28,060
Sure, that was a great moment,
258
00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:29,540
but it was hardly the best time
259
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:30,980
Rick and Morty were musical.
260
00:08:30,990 --> 00:08:32,340
- Who can forget the t...
- Hey.
261
00:08:32,350 --> 00:08:33,518
You guys think there's something weird
262
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:34,681
about this train?
263
00:08:34,690 --> 00:08:35,728
We've been here a really long time
264
00:08:35,730 --> 00:08:36,968
and nobody's taken our tickets.
265
00:08:36,970 --> 00:08:38,809
Aaah!
266
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:39,929
[ALL SCREAMING]
267
00:08:39,930 --> 00:08:41,760
Aaaah!
268
00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:44,039
The galaxy's greatest
scientists continue to ponder
269
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,859
the horrific figure known to
children as Floaty Blood Man.
270
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,443
But after three months, nobody
is any closer to the truth.
271
00:08:49,444 --> 00:08:51,509
For Cutesy Name News, I'm Uncle Nibbles.
272
00:08:51,510 --> 00:08:53,990
I can't believe Floaty
Bloody Man is real.
273
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,979
He's more than real, he's my new god.
274
00:08:55,980 --> 00:08:57,909
- Check it.
- Is that brand-new,
275
00:08:57,910 --> 00:09:00,069
- or is the blood just...
- Accurately depicted, yeah.
276
00:09:00,070 --> 00:09:02,010
His followers believe
the entire universe
277
00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:04,020
is Floaty Bloody Man's
nightmare as he dies
278
00:09:04,030 --> 00:09:05,620
in a time-dilated reality.
279
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:07,549
- So we could go at any minute.
- No.
280
00:09:07,550 --> 00:09:09,650
I'm part of the Floaty
Nogasm Brotherhood.
281
00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:10,979
We believe we're keeping him alive
282
00:09:10,980 --> 00:09:13,330
by redirecting our
suppressed sexual energies.
283
00:09:13,350 --> 00:09:14,869
You're staying a virgin
284
00:09:14,870 --> 00:09:17,439
just to keep the universe existing?
285
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:21,030
- That's... so attractive.
- It is?
286
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:22,870
Okay, look, let's just do it once.
287
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,560
[MOANING]
288
00:09:27,090 --> 00:09:28,760
Sorry.
289
00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:31,488
Aaah!
290
00:09:31,490 --> 00:09:33,320
- Happy now?
- He was suffering.
291
00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:35,078
Keep moving. We have to
get to the return threshold
292
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,350
before the ticking clock
on your suit gets to zero.
293
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:38,459
Why would you put ticking clock...
294
00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:39,628
Because if it's too easy to get there,
295
00:09:39,630 --> 00:09:40,639
we'll never get there.
296
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,899
If you don't want to be meta
stop, deconstructing shit.
297
00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:44,819
That's the thematic seal.
298
00:09:44,820 --> 00:09:46,569
Gotta find a way to disrupt it.
299
00:09:46,570 --> 00:09:49,710
Okay, Morty, tell a
story unrelated to us.
300
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,819
- Uh, what do...
- Stop thinking and do it!
301
00:09:51,820 --> 00:09:53,759
Uh, okay, uh, there was this...
302
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,320
My name is Mike Johnson.
That's good coffee.
303
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,429
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- Better get that door.
304
00:09:58,430 --> 00:10:00,370
Iiiiiiii, hello.
305
00:10:00,380 --> 00:10:01,650
I want your cookies.
306
00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:03,228
I'm hungry, I want your cookies.
307
00:10:03,229 --> 00:10:04,710
Scorpions, scorpions.
308
00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,644
There's scorpions outside. Get inside.
309
00:10:06,645 --> 00:10:08,024
What do they want from us?
310
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,100
They want food.
311
00:10:09,110 --> 00:10:10,859
- Me too.
- RICK: Okay, just stop.
312
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,419
I'm not a writer, okay?
313
00:10:12,420 --> 00:10:14,508
Relax, your story was supposed
to be awful and stupid.
314
00:10:14,510 --> 00:10:15,808
I just failed to predict how well
315
00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:17,099
that would mesh with the theme.
316
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,480
Think. Think.
317
00:10:18,490 --> 00:10:19,999
What kind of story would we never...
318
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,180
Morty, do you know what
the Bechdel Test is?
319
00:10:22,190 --> 00:10:23,569
- The what?
- For God's sake, Morty,
320
00:10:23,570 --> 00:10:25,370
the formula for measuring female agency
321
00:10:25,380 --> 00:10:27,430
in a story proposed by
lesbian cartoonist Allison...
322
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,249
what the hell are they
teaching you in that school?!
323
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:31,030
- Other stuff!
- Then you've killed us both!
324
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,050
Why is lesbian part of her job title?!
325
00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:34,400
Oh, now you're progressive?!
326
00:10:34,420 --> 00:10:36,350
- What is the test?!
- You have to tell...
327
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,290
- [BEEPING]
- [GAGGING]
328
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,489
Morty, Morty.
329
00:10:41,490 --> 00:10:44,019
Two women. They both have to have names
330
00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:46,019
and talk to each other
about something...
331
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,570
- Rick!
- ... other than a man...
332
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:48,939
Oh, Rick, listen to me.
333
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,270
Once upon a time,
334
00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,485
my mom and my sister... Listen to me!
335
00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:56,690
Mom, can I try your tea?
336
00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:58,430
Yes, Summer.
337
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,150
Yes. Try my tea.
338
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,479
It's so good. It's so warm.
339
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,620
Mom, can I talk to you
340
00:11:04,630 --> 00:11:06,150
about my special time?
341
00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:08,249
It's okay. I have one, too.
342
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,650
Mine is heavy today.
343
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:11,319
Mine is never light.
344
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,189
I love you ever since you were...
345
00:11:13,190 --> 00:11:14,489
mailed to me.
346
00:11:14,490 --> 00:11:16,092
By a doctor woman.
347
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:18,030
Your special time is your power.
348
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:19,929
It makes you strong like a boob.
349
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,119
Strong against what?
350
00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:23,290
Scorpions. Female Scorpions.
351
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:25,143
They're attacking outside. Come on.
352
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:29,620
Fight them with your heavy special time.
353
00:11:29,630 --> 00:11:30,689
You do it, too.
354
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,485
[EPIC MUSIC PLAYS]
355
00:11:33,490 --> 00:11:36,900
♪ ♪
356
00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:38,629
[CELLPHONES RING]
357
00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:39,640
- Hello?
- Hello?
358
00:11:39,650 --> 00:11:42,810
I'm that Supreme Court lady,
and you fucking did it.
359
00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:44,350
- We did it!
- We did it!
360
00:11:47,430 --> 00:11:49,249
[GRUNTS]
361
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,259
Great job, Morty.
362
00:11:51,260 --> 00:11:53,672
A feminist masterpiece. Hey, look.
363
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:00,529
Guess who's got two penises
and all the agency?
364
00:12:00,530 --> 00:12:02,530
Rick and Morty.
365
00:12:02,540 --> 00:12:03,710
Story Lord.
366
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:05,990
I should've known you were
behind this, and I did.
367
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,330
- Who is this guy?
- Ugh.
368
00:12:07,340 --> 00:12:09,209
He's like a Matrix Space Frasier.
369
00:12:09,210 --> 00:12:10,588
Let's get this fight over with, nerd.
370
00:12:10,590 --> 00:12:11,603
I've got shit to do.
371
00:12:11,604 --> 00:12:13,130
You of all people know, Rick,
372
00:12:13,140 --> 00:12:15,759
there can be no destination
without a journey.
373
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,779
I don't know that at all.
I regularly teleport.
374
00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:20,549
Oh, of course. No rules for you.
375
00:12:20,550 --> 00:12:22,169
Spiraling through the multiverse,
376
00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:25,230
burping semi-improvised dialogue
about how nothing matters,
377
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,729
so we may as well pull out
our dicks and rub them
378
00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:30,399
on fate's glaring teeth like
we're brushing fate's teeth,
379
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,810
but we're using your gross, dirty dick.
380
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:33,869
Must be nice.
381
00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:34,963
- [SLURPS]
- Nobody's stopping you.
382
00:12:34,964 --> 00:12:37,150
True. Not anymore.
383
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:38,341
[GRUNTS]
384
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:39,718
- Goddamn!
- We already did this.
385
00:12:39,719 --> 00:12:41,909
Oh, is this a double beat? Oh, well.
386
00:12:41,910 --> 00:12:43,888
Just how I adventure, dawg.
387
00:12:43,890 --> 00:12:44,899
This is more impressive
388
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:46,088
than the Tickets Please Guy, though.
389
00:12:46,090 --> 00:12:47,999
You are like 90% cum gutter.
390
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,640
It's called discipline. Watch this.
391
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,230
- God damn.
- Geez!
392
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,330
- Do we have to fight him?
- I don't want to.
393
00:12:55,340 --> 00:12:56,658
We surrender. We're not fighting.
394
00:12:56,660 --> 00:12:57,919
- [GRUNTING]
- Ow!
395
00:12:57,920 --> 00:12:58,950
Ow!
396
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,580
Fucking kick your ass.
397
00:13:00,590 --> 00:13:01,948
Ow!
398
00:13:01,950 --> 00:13:03,179
Oh!
399
00:13:03,180 --> 00:13:05,285
- [ALARM RINGING]
- Hey! Get back in your egg!
400
00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:08,378
- What the...
- Don't worry, Morty!
401
00:13:08,380 --> 00:13:09,458
Nothing out there is canon!
402
00:13:09,460 --> 00:13:11,039
[GRUNTS]
403
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,318
- We've got a pulse.
- Stay with me, Private.
404
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:14,069
Smith, listen to me. You were exposed
405
00:13:14,070 --> 00:13:16,419
to a chemical that is
altering your mind.
406
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:17,429
To beat it, you have to hold on...
407
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:20,139
- We're losing him.
- Aliens. Sarge?!
408
00:13:20,140 --> 00:13:22,620
Morty, never forget the
highest truth of all...
409
00:13:22,630 --> 00:13:24,290
you're getting your
ass kicked on a train.
410
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:25,710
[GRUNTS]
411
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,130
Professor Sanchez?
412
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,210
Did it work?
413
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:29,620
I wouldn't say that, Marcus.
414
00:13:29,650 --> 00:13:31,880
I'd say it fucking worked.
415
00:13:32,870 --> 00:13:35,489
100% time dilation and total immersion.
416
00:13:35,490 --> 00:13:36,566
Define "total."
417
00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:38,508
Marcus, I've been back in
reality for three hours,
418
00:13:38,510 --> 00:13:40,999
and I still have memories of
a completely different life.
419
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,920
I-I-I was a scientist still.
420
00:13:42,930 --> 00:13:44,769
I-I-I was... I-I-I had developed
421
00:13:44,770 --> 00:13:47,839
inter-dimensional travel,
I-I-I-I had a daughter.
422
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,350
I-I didn't have a mustache.
423
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:52,189
I-I was kinda funny sometimes,
424
00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:53,520
mostly burping.
425
00:13:53,530 --> 00:13:55,139
No more secret testing.
426
00:13:55,140 --> 00:13:56,399
I can help people now.
427
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,754
You've helped people.
428
00:13:57,755 --> 00:13:58,940
I've hurt more.
429
00:13:59,580 --> 00:14:01,450
- Aaah!
- P-P-Professor Sanchez.
430
00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:03,969
I-I'm Morty Smith from the...
the... the the 241st.
431
00:14:03,970 --> 00:14:05,730
They... they... put
your pill in our food.
432
00:14:05,740 --> 00:14:07,350
- It... it works.
- Call the police!
433
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,170
It's okay. It's okay. It's not real.
434
00:14:09,180 --> 00:14:10,719
N-n-n-n-nothing's real.
435
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,419
- I'm sorry, son.
- I-i-it's okay. You aren't real.
436
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,429
[ALL SCREAMING]
437
00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:18,149
God, you're right. I should
do more freeform stuff.
438
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:19,800
In you go.
439
00:14:19,810 --> 00:14:22,170
- What's happening?
- The reason I brought you here.
440
00:14:22,180 --> 00:14:23,690
I'll now fuel my anthology
441
00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:24,990
with your limitless potential,
442
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,200
propelling it to its final stop...
443
00:14:27,210 --> 00:14:28,827
beyond the fifth wall.
444
00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:33,830
You idiot. Our potential
isn't limitless.
445
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,158
You'll never break the fifth wall
before you've burnt us out.
446
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,919
Is that so? Oh, well. Win-win.
447
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,450
Rick, w-what's he doing?
448
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:43,100
He's trying to tap into
us, Morty. Resist.
449
00:14:43,820 --> 00:14:45,878
I can't believe you're finally
headed off to college.
450
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,810
Yeah, you know, it really felt like
you were gonna be 17 forever.
451
00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:50,729
For, like, 16 years, at least.
452
00:14:50,730 --> 00:14:53,050
I can't believe I'm
tearing up over this.
453
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:55,550
Jesus, Rick, you know,
you've really softened up.
454
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:56,899
It's a human moment, Morty.
455
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:58,479
It's a human moment.
456
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,191
- Aaah!
- Aaah! It hurts!
457
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,579
[CRASHING]
458
00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:08,741
Abradolph Lincoler?
I thought you were dead.
459
00:15:08,750 --> 00:15:11,620
I'm very much alive,
and I need your help.
460
00:15:11,630 --> 00:15:12,662
Yeah!
461
00:15:12,670 --> 00:15:14,690
Shit. He's taking the good stuff, Morty.
462
00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:16,290
Wait, is... is any of this canon?
463
00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:17,310
It could have been.
464
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:18,620
[CHUCKLES] Oh, dear.
465
00:15:18,630 --> 00:15:21,400
Are there things Rick Sanchez
holds sacred after all?
466
00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:23,548
[WHIRRING]
467
00:15:23,550 --> 00:15:24,740
[BOTH GROANING]
468
00:15:26,950 --> 00:15:28,539
[GRUNTS]
469
00:15:28,540 --> 00:15:29,870
How did you find us?
470
00:15:29,890 --> 00:15:31,230
[GRUNTING]
471
00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:32,450
I trusted you!
472
00:15:32,460 --> 00:15:35,190
Don't blame others for
your bad decisions.
473
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,230
[GRUNTING]
474
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,896
Resist, Morty!
475
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:39,470
Resist before he burns us out!
476
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,180
Oh, too late now!
477
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,349
What's wrong, Rick?
478
00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:44,736
Don't you want to see
how your story ends?!
479
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:46,349
[LAUGHS]
480
00:15:46,350 --> 00:15:52,529
♪ ♪
481
00:15:52,530 --> 00:15:56,240
[ALL SHOUTING]
482
00:15:58,010 --> 00:15:59,870
Holy shit, Rick. What do we...
483
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:01,248
There... there... there's now way out!
484
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:02,259
You're right, Morty.
485
00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:04,399
Sometimes it does seem
like there's no way out.
486
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,465
Like it's hopeless.
487
00:16:05,470 --> 00:16:08,051
But remember, there's always
someone there for us.
488
00:16:08,052 --> 00:16:09,450
- Who?
- My best friend
489
00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:11,619
and personal savior, Jesus Christ.
490
00:16:11,620 --> 00:16:13,472
What?! You... you don't believe in God.
491
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,849
But He believes in us, Morty.
492
00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:16,679
You know, I thought I was the inventor,
493
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,050
but the greatest invention of all
494
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,519
is the free gift of Eternal Life.
495
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,290
Is this... are you fucking with me?
496
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:22,482
[CHUCKLES] Oh, trust me, Morty.
497
00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:25,019
I've done plenty of effed
up stuff in my life.
498
00:16:25,020 --> 00:16:27,259
But it's never too
late to accept Christ.
499
00:16:27,260 --> 00:16:29,020
Jesus is always knocking at the door.
500
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,099
All we have to do is open it
501
00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:31,729
- and let Him into our hearts.
- How?
502
00:16:31,730 --> 00:16:33,149
I'm so glad you asked, Morty.
503
00:16:33,150 --> 00:16:35,299
Just close your eyes
and go to Him in prayer.
504
00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:36,309
Like this.
505
00:16:36,310 --> 00:16:37,739
- Heavenly Father.
- Heavenly Father.
506
00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:39,678
TOGETHER: Thank you for sending
your only begotten son.
507
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:42,090
What a second, no! What are you doing?!
508
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,279
Jesus, I accept you into my heart.
509
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:45,679
No! This sucks.
510
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,381
Stop! You guys would never do this.
511
00:16:47,382 --> 00:16:48,949
TOGETHER: Fill me with your Spirit.
512
00:16:48,950 --> 00:16:50,301
Make me a shining city
on a hill for you.
513
00:16:50,302 --> 00:16:52,490
- No! No!
- Make me born again.
514
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:54,160
- No!
- In Jesus's name, we pray.
515
00:16:54,170 --> 00:16:55,170
- Amen.
- Amen.
516
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,189
- Amen!
- You did it!
517
00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:58,619
- Way to go, Morty!
- Crossy.
518
00:16:58,620 --> 00:16:59,889
Bible-Saurus. You made it.
519
00:16:59,890 --> 00:17:01,896
We wouldn't miss this for anything!
520
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:03,272
You said it, Mr. Celery.
521
00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:05,229
What the fuck is all of this?!
522
00:17:05,230 --> 00:17:07,069
Greatest story ever told, Story Lord.
523
00:17:07,070 --> 00:17:08,929
No, it's not. It's awful!
524
00:17:08,930 --> 00:17:10,109
[WHOOSHING]
525
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:11,940
I beg your pardon?
526
00:17:11,950 --> 00:17:13,907
Ah!
527
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:15,243
Goddamn.
528
00:17:15,250 --> 00:17:17,989
- [ALL GASPING]
- My Lord and my God!
529
00:17:17,990 --> 00:17:19,248
- No! No! It sucks in here.
- Let's get the fuck outta here.
530
00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:21,079
Go, now.
531
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:22,579
Ugh. We're safe, Morty.
532
00:17:22,580 --> 00:17:24,249
Nobody ever wanted to see that shit.
533
00:17:24,250 --> 00:17:26,049
Wh-what's gonna happen to Story Lord?
534
00:17:26,050 --> 00:17:28,389
He gets to spend eternity
in every writer's hell...
535
00:17:28,390 --> 00:17:29,650
- the Bible.
- I don't know.
536
00:17:29,660 --> 00:17:31,510
Some people actually like that stuff.
537
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:32,800
Seems kind of cynical.
538
00:17:32,810 --> 00:17:34,759
I just don't like taking
cheap shots, you know?
539
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,559
Cheap shots? Morty, we were literally
540
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:37,959
saved by Jesus Christ.
541
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:39,800
Tell me in any way how that's offensive.
542
00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:40,950
This was a little confusing,
543
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:43,499
but I guess it brought us
closer together, you know?
544
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:44,999
Tested our demons.
545
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:46,658
Made us believe in
ourselves more than ever.
546
00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:47,900
Yeah. You're right, Morty.
547
00:17:47,910 --> 00:17:49,769
We got all that meta-canon
shit outta the way
548
00:17:49,770 --> 00:17:51,400
and now we can just be ourselves.
549
00:17:51,410 --> 00:17:54,180
Now what do you say we bring
this train into the station.
550
00:17:54,190 --> 00:18:02,860
♪ ♪
551
00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:06,752
Oh, shit.
552
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:08,296
MORTY: So what do you think?
553
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:09,799
Wow. Where did you get this thing?
554
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:11,400
The Citadel of Ricks Gift Shop.
555
00:18:11,410 --> 00:18:12,710
Do you really like it?
556
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,199
I didn't think you'd even care.
557
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,429
What? Morty. No. I love it.
558
00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:18,139
You did the most important thing.
559
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:19,430
You... you bought something.
560
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:20,969
- What?
- You bought something.
561
00:18:20,970 --> 00:18:23,669
With money. God. I love
money so much, Morty.
562
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,700
- Are you being sarcastic?
- Merchandise, Morty.
563
00:18:25,710 --> 00:18:28,399
Your only purpose in life is to
buy and consume merchandise.
564
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,019
And you did it. You went into a store...
565
00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:32,879
an actual honest to God store...
and you bought something.
566
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,879
You didn't ask questions or
raise ethical complaints.
567
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,998
You... you just looked straight
into the bleeding jaws
568
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,320
of capitalism and said
"Yes, daddy, please."
569
00:18:39,330 --> 00:18:41,412
And I'm... I'm so proud of you.
570
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:42,808
I only wish you could've bought more.
571
00:18:42,810 --> 00:18:45,332
I... I love buying
things so much, Morty.
572
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,670
Rick, are... are you...
573
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,086
do you need to go to the hospital?
574
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:50,260
I love you, Morty. Give Grandpa a kiss.
575
00:18:50,270 --> 00:18:52,170
Give... give... gimme...
give Grandpa a kiss.
576
00:18:52,180 --> 00:18:53,319
Lips if you want. What...
577
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:54,329
whatever you're comfortable with.
578
00:18:54,330 --> 00:18:55,343
Some cultures do that.
579
00:18:56,980 --> 00:18:58,169
That was sweet. Thank you.
580
00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:00,639
I... I love you. You're my little buddy.
581
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,120
Okay.
582
00:19:02,130 --> 00:19:03,849
Let's watch some Interdimensional Cable.
583
00:19:03,850 --> 00:19:05,379
[TELEVISION CLICKS, STATIC CRACKLES]
584
00:19:05,380 --> 00:19:06,940
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS]
585
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,730
So you're saying my father
586
00:19:10,740 --> 00:19:12,200
and His kingdom...
587
00:19:12,210 --> 00:19:15,150
Well, yes... it's based on the fusion
588
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,930
of a Sumerian god named "Ya"
589
00:19:16,940 --> 00:19:19,242
and a Mesopotamian god named "Way."
590
00:19:19,243 --> 00:19:22,050
And we're in a toy train?
591
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:23,370
Yes.
592
00:19:23,380 --> 00:19:24,808
It's enough to really make you question
593
00:19:24,810 --> 00:19:26,869
all of existence, isn't it?
594
00:19:26,870 --> 00:19:29,369
So what do you think
you're gonna do about it?
595
00:19:29,370 --> 00:19:32,569
I'm gonna do what I've always done.
596
00:19:32,570 --> 00:19:34,609
I'm gonna get the fuck outta here.
597
00:19:34,610 --> 00:19:38,919
Father of omens! Give
me blood beyond sight!
598
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,580
[CRACKLING]
599
00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:43,399
Hey, what the fuck Morty?
The train you got me
600
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,050
just completely derailed itself.
601
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:46,218
There's blood all over
the windows on it.
602
00:19:46,220 --> 00:19:48,670
Oh, man, I'm sorry, Rick.
I guess I'll return it.
603
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,049
Return... Are you insane?
604
00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:51,270
Did you hear nothing I said?
605
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:52,490
Buy another one, Morty.
606
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:53,570
Consume, Morty.
607
00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:55,929
Nobody's out there shopping
with this fucking virus.
608
00:19:55,930 --> 00:19:57,405
Where's your fucking wallet?!
609
00:19:57,406 --> 00:20:02,400
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
610
00:20:02,430 --> 00:20:07,248
♪ ♪
611
00:20:08,270 --> 00:20:16,382
♪ ♪
612
00:20:17,380 --> 00:20:26,960
♪ ♪
613
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,428
RICK: Tired of the
same boring adventures
614
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:31,620
with your dogshit Morty?
615
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:32,769
- Yeah!
- Aw. Geez.
616
00:20:32,770 --> 00:20:35,023
Then get ready for the
Citadel of Rick's Story Train.
617
00:20:35,024 --> 00:20:36,879
DEEP VOICE: Story Train. Story Train.
618
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,149
RICK: The Citadel of Rick's Story Train
619
00:20:38,150 --> 00:20:40,219
comes with car after
car of enemies, lovers,
620
00:20:40,220 --> 00:20:42,864
and Goomby, all grappling with
the nature of who you truly are.
621
00:20:42,865 --> 00:20:44,630
Rick is a god! Tickets Please.
622
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,369
Whoa! Watch out! It's Story Lord!
623
00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:47,453
Damn. He's jacked.
624
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:49,039
DEEP VOICE: Pure cum gutter.
625
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,269
RICK: And of course,
what story would be complete
626
00:20:50,270 --> 00:20:52,459
without the engineer of the
Greatest Story Ever Told.
627
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,599
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- JESUS: I have come not to judge
628
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:55,999
the world, but to save it.
629
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,438
RICK: And the best part
is, the fun never ends.
630
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,370
Thanks to the Rick-patented
anthology generator,
631
00:20:59,380 --> 00:21:00,870
you'll never run out of new stories
632
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:02,699
- and people to tell them.
- Are they alive?
633
00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:04,429
Of course. But not in
any ways that matter.
634
00:21:04,430 --> 00:21:06,682
DEEP VOICE: They. Have. No. Souls.
635
00:21:06,690 --> 00:21:08,349
Puppets. Of. Fate.
636
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:09,538
RICK: The Story Train. Available now
637
00:21:09,540 --> 00:21:11,149
in The Citadel of Ricks.
Buy it ironically.
638
00:21:11,150 --> 00:21:12,420
Buy it sincerely. Just buy it.
639
00:21:12,430 --> 00:21:13,708
Not buying it is an act of buying it.
640
00:21:13,710 --> 00:21:15,110
Buy it now. Look it up. It's real.
641
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:17,230
www.story-train.com.
642
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,479
On the Internet. It's there.
Buy it. Buy the train.
643
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:20,640
We want you to buy the train.
46343
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