Original subtitles

Red Average: (A) Final report of bad school grades.(syn.''flunked'',''failed'')

(B)My life.

First day of school

That moron face is Condoro,

CONDORO. 17 years old. THlRD A my best friend since l was two...

...he's been poor since living with his mom, so he is all day at my place...

...if it wasn't for us,

Condoro, masculine, 1.(Chilean slang) We call him Condoro since his...

''''''Miscalculation. 2. Roberto's friend. '''' birth was a miscalculation...''

Condoro's father

Condoro's mom

Condoro

Sing like a man, fag.

Marcos. 21 Years old. FOURTH B He just turned 22...

...and he's still in school.

He hasn't been expelled because his old man is practically the owner

Marcos flunked four times. His only hobby is to bother...

Condoro, Papitas and me.

Papitas is the last one in the school's list.

Papitas. 16 years old. THlRD A Three year's ago it was found...

...he had a mental deficiency like Forrest Gump.

''''''My dad's profession'''' He lost all the respect he had...''

...when he said that his dad exported potatoes for living.

The freakiest thing is that his dad made it to theAsian market...

...with a successful spot with a gayish character named Gattin...

My cat is cute and munches potatoes.

Papitas is not a bad person and since his dad became a millionaire...

...by exporting potatoes to Belgium, we like him more every day.

His only problem is that he never leave us alone... and like Condoro...

...would say... this dweeb is only good for scaring girls away.

And talking about girls: Marcela. The grade's bitch. The first one...

Marcela. 17 years old. Third A

...to get tits, so the first on to inspire me when l started masturbating.

, Marcela boils the water, but doesn't serve the tea.

Well at least not with me. She's like the typical chick...

...that goes out with older guys, with car, with a life...

...like Fele, the asshole.

Fele. 19 years old. Fourth B Fele is the enemy. He flunked out

a supposedly prestigious school...

...and ended up at this dump.

e fucked all the chicks from my generation.

How? Using all his neo-hippie style, his poncho bought at the store...

...and his supposed artistic sensibility. The typical dude who...

Roberto. 17 years old. THlRD A And finally, me: Roberto Rodriguez.

ACADEMlC EXCELLENCY : ROBERTO RODRlGUEZ. My plan is simple. Finish school...

...draw and edit a monthly comic independently...

...after a year, sell part of the rights to a big editorial,

after two or three years, publish it in the international market...

''''''THE STRANGE OBESlTY OF THE BElNG'''' ...sell the adaptation for millions...''

''''''THE STRANGE OBESlTY OFTHE BElNG''''''

...and depending on the box ofice hit, say that it was always meant to be...

...the first chapter of a trilogy

Have a sexy wife ten years younger, who wouldn't mind lesbian trios.

But well, before that, l have to get out of here.

Some people say that school is the best time of your life.

lf that's so, l can't imagine what the worst would be like.

''RED AVERAGE ''''Chronicle of How to Survive at School''

Silence, silence, silence!

Manolo Manolo is our homeroom teacher.

He has always hated Condoro and me,

maybe because he thinks we're cute and successful.

Silence!

l am going to call the roll!

The one who doesn't answer will be marked absent.

Present.

Right here.

Drop that gum!

Here, teacher.

The little pair doing their thing.

-Fags, semen drawls out your ass! -Silence. Silence please!

not, you'll go to detention!

Dweeb!

What are you hiding, Mr. Rodriguez? Show me that paper.

, Which one?

ls this your idea of fun, Mr. Rodriguez?

We're headed to a good start. You, come and sit here.

You're going to thank me for this, seeing how your performance goes...

Every year we dreamed with an incredible girl crossing that door..

...saying she was our new classmate.

Five years ago

But not.

Four years ago Only failed genetic experiments...

Three years ago Fat, ugly and full of pimples...

Two years ago ...or rejected circus freaks...

One year ago ...l had lost hope...

...until suddenly and with no warning...

-Hi -Yes?

-ls this Third grade A, isn't it? -Yes...

Sorry for being late. l was at the office.

And what do you need?

Classes. l am the new student.

...she arrived.

Come here!

She's Cristina. From Spain, our Mother land.

l hope you will all make her feel like at home.

Seat down next to the fat one with glasses.

Let's see if a woman can shape you up, Rodriguez.

Cristina. She was... actually, l don't know anything about her

l mean, only her name was enough to want to get her a beach house,

many kids and three Labradors dogs.

The only problem was that l couldn't speak to her.

Are you OK?

ls that The Dark Room?

Can l see it?

Never a woman asked me for a comic. Worse: never a woman touched me...

...without making me feel that l need to run to the bathroom to masturbate.

l've never seen this edition. The 37th edition, isn't it?

Do you know it?

lt's the only one that l need to complete my collection.

lt's a limited special edition.

Mr. Rodriguez, please stop flirting with her and pay attention.

-See how she speaks like a porno star? -All porno's are dubbed in Spain...

Oh, Cristina, yes move your pussy!

That l will fill it with my milk...

-What's up, guys? -What do you care, fucking Papitas?

Do l have to explain things to you 'cause you're rich, mother fucker?

Check out how fast you've lost her.

Fele is talking to the Spanish girl. That asshole is God.

Do you have a ride?

l think the 442 is the one l need, no?

l'll give you a ride, so we can talk.

The new chick is looking hot.

''''''Juanita's Orgies'''' ''''The Dark Room''''''

Fele must be already totally fucking her from behind.

Yes, Cristina!

-What's with Fele? Do you like him? -Yes.

Fuck, what a fagget.

He's attractive for women, no?

lf you were a chick he would turn you on.

He's like all gentleman, sensitive, poetic... besides he's got a car.

l don't get how all of them are so fucking stupid that they give the time...

...to that fucking neo-hippie, with that look...

...''l-haven't-shower-in-three-days- and-l-am-a-hunk-anyway.''

He's a son of a bitch. He fucked up the lives of every chick.

lt's alright. They're bitches.

What are we doing wrong? Why girls don't dig dudes like us?

-Wanna dance with me? -No.

-Wanna dance with me? -No.

-Wanna dance with me? -No.

Check out the positive side. Now we got new material for masturbating.

Cristina?

-Condorin... -You've lost.

Yes. Any problem?

Condorin, l was...

Unless you're in love. No one does it thinking in the chick you love.

How many times have you fallen in love?

-Not one. You think l am a fag? -And where did you get that from?

-Have you masturbated thinking in Marcela?

Sure.

-ln Chofi? -Yes.

-ln Claudia? -Also.

-ln her? -Not... yet.

-ln the Art teacher? -Every day.

-ln Pilar? -She needs to get rid of some weight.

-ln Conny? -Of course.

-ln Chechu? -Are you crazy? She's awful.

-She has big tits. -Her face is disgusting.

-And in your mom? -What's your problem, asshole?

-ln mine? -Don't bullshit me.

-She was hot. She was on Miss Chile. -You've told me a thousand times.

-ln your cousin? -Sick asshole, she's fourteen.

Big fucking deal. My mom had me at that age.

That's why you came out stupid.

My head hurts. l feel bad. Where are my panties?

-Did you pay for the three of us? -Yes. Did you see l seized them up?

No. And hurry, we're all finished.

Won't you feel like masturbating with Cristina?

lt's not that she won't turn me on, today when she touched my hand...

...l felt like it could be something special... more special.

More special, you're like a fagget with feelings.

Get this: women will never dig us, they're there so we can masturbate.

-Let's see... what do want in a woman? -To understand me, love me and that...

...from now and then let you ejaculate her on her face... is that it?

They're now looking for hunkies.

Not even when hell's frozen over would they dig a weirdo deformed like you.

Why not?

l bet you that this chick will be fucking Fele like hell.

entiende... no estan en edad de descubrir tu maravilloso mundo interior

want to draw comics...

...or that you know Star Wars by heart.

At this age, chicks only want to fuck with hot dudes, thin, and good vibes.

Not with fatties with glasses and pimples.

l bet you that you're wrong.

l bet you your entire collection of The Dark Room that from now until the...

-...end of the year she won't go out with you. -Ok, but if not, you give me back my pictures...

-OK? -OK.

And me? Can l bet too?

Take the trays...

Guys...

Hi, Grandpa!

-Dude, go home. -There's no electricity.

-lt's not my fault that you're poor -You can't be so mean, friend.

Roberto, it's so cold! Open up, please!

-Fuck, your grandpa is doing bad. -lf my mother hears you, she'd kill you.

l am going to the kitchen, can you watch him?

Roberto, your grandpa...

...is acting weird.

Leave him alone! Relax!

Roberto, your grandpa is dying! Call an ambulance!

Come on grandpa! Come back! 1,2,3...

Stop it, idiot, stop! Stop! Get out, fucker.

-What are you doing? -Get out, fucker!

-What are you doing, asshole? -Your grandpa is dying!

-Calm down! Calm down! -Dude, your grandpa...

Like he's on morphine, he wants to get noticed,

he thinks it's fun to play dead, but, nothing is going on, relax.

l didn't know.

Forgive me, grandpa.

Come here, l am not your grandpa, moron....

My grandfather

When he was 20, he inherited land and married my grandma,

she died when she gave birth to my mom... He decided to overcome depression...

...getting involved with lots of girls and by getting drunk.

He fucked up the family's fortune. Everything went to hell when he...

...decided to bet his last land to impress a couple of bitches.

, The place was called Chuquicamata.

Actually, the largest copper mine of the world.

And when he was diagnosed with cancer, he came to live with us.

Fuck that Cristina is hot...

...and that Spanish accent, Spanish girls are bitches and liberals...

...l am at school alone,

and she comes in, she gets close to me,

she takes her tie off, she sits on the desk...

She puts her leg on me, grabs my tie...

...we're about to kiss, we're about...

...fucking shit. l can't.

-When did you masturbated last? -Dad.

This morning, l was in the shower,

l grabbed the liquid soap...

Be quiet, kid!

Let him tell me his stuff!

-Condoro, you ate everything! -Sure, you're too fat.

-To what grade did you make it? -Third year of high school, grandpa.

-What is that? -ln your time, fifth year, dad.

My mother...My mother is more neurotic every day,

because of my grandfather's illness,

we never thought he'd last so long, she only wants him dead, so can rest.

-At your age, l wasn't a virgin. -Dad!

What? l was telling them what they need to know. Common!

You are big now. You have to stop wasting time...

...and have to jump on one of of your little classmates.

Dad, please. The kid.

Robertito... .. is too fat.

No one would want to be his girlfriend like that.

You see you're fatso?

-Grandpa, my classmates are air-headed. -What's ''airheads''?

Sillies, dad.

Do you want them in bed or to solve math?

For Math. lt's looking bad this year.

This boy is stupid! See what he says?

-Do you want me to hit him again? -Don't be silly.

Hurry up fucking pig, you gotta pay for our lunch.

-Hi! -Hi!

-How are you? -Fine, and you?

Me, OK.

ls that good? Vegetables in Chile are awesome.

There's no food on your plate. You went straight to this stupid girl.

My name is Cristina.

l know, the Spanish style co�o, fuck, eat my pussy!

What's up with the little Spanish? Are you going to fuck her or not?

Did you tell her that we put a price on her pussy?

-Thank you. -Sorry, sometimes l can't control it.

Hey, last time l couldn't give you this.

-Cristina, can we do lunch together? -Sure...

Son of the bitch!

Fele-two, Roberto-zero.

Hello?

Am l dead?

No, you are at the nurse's office.

And Ms. Berta?

-She had an accident. She fell. -ls she alright?

l don't think so, it was from a fourth floor.

l am Miss Bravo, the new nurse. Let's see what you have.

Get up a bit. Like that. Very good.

Are you OK?

What is this? Does it hurt?

No? Brave kid

Does this hurt? Calm down.

-What's your name? -l am called Papitas.

Papitas? Well, be brave.

You know, we'll have to give you an injection.

Why?

And where did you get that mouth from?

, Condorin, you should go to the nurse's office.

l'd never on earth fucking go to that deformed old Berta, she has a shitty..

...breathe and Rasta hair sticking out her nose.

No, she's no longer there.

There's a new young lady who is much prettier.

With your taste with woman, it must be another pig... and much older

Papitas, why don't you spy on them?

-Won't Fede get mad? -Who cares, do you like him?

Yes...

But, tell me, from which part of Madrid?

-Where have you been? -l've been to Madrid many times.

-l love Madrid -The Ventas zone.

-Do you know it? -Yes, yes.

-Right? -l love it, it's a green area...

No, it's in the M-30.

-But, l love it. -lt's pretty.

Tell me about your family, your people.

That's why l am in Chile...

...my dad died some months ago, since my mother is Chilean,

she decided to come back to Chile, to start a new life,

to forget a little.

-l am sorry. -Thank you.

l am very sorry about your old man. That's bad.

My mother and l had a very bad time, but we're better now

-And what did your old man do? -He was a bullfighter.

No way!

He was a bullfighter.

My mother met him when he came to Chile for a television program.

They went to live in Spain and a year later l was born.

When he retired, he used his fame to put a restaurant called Ear Cutter..

Three months ago, he put a mechanical bull in his place...

And decided to try it.

Ol�! Ol�! Come bull,

Come, come bastard!

Come bull, come bull!

Two minutes later, he had a heart attack.

-You have a friend here in Chile. -Thanks.

Do you know what l do when l get sad?

What?

l sing.

You can sing?

And what kind of music?

Milan�s, Serrat, Rodriguez,

Bos�... nothing too pop.

Sing me something.

Common, sing a bit.

No, l am aphonic.

-Really? -Really.

For me singing is like very intimate,

l can only sing in front of people that l really love, get it?

l to need feel comfortable, since singing for me is...

...very, very important.

l would love to sing to you, but not here.

Cristina told... him about his dad...

...his dad was a bullfighter..

And one day, at a bar, there was a mechanical bull...

Cristina!

-A bullfighter? -What, Roberto?

-Do you remember that faggy movie? -What's up Robertito?

Talk to Her.

What's up?

The only cool part was when the bull tore up the bullfighter and...

...there was blood and everything. She was left in comma,

that's was wonderful, the only good thing about that movie.

Was it something l said?

What happened? Why are they holding hands?

See? He's going to fuck her... again.

-Do me a favor. Bring me Whiskey. -But grandfather, mom said no...

Don't be a pain in the ass, please...

One more little glass won't do anything to me.

Do you see me drunk?

l am sober! Give me the Whiskey!

Give it to me! Hurry Up!

What's wrong with you?

You look like you're a 100 years old. Give it to me!

This is good medicine!

This is good medicine!

-What's wrong with you? -Nothing, grandfather... nothing.

Such pretty women!

l regret that it won't get hard anymore...

Can l ask you something?

Sure.

Grandmother... was... was she hot?

Of course, she was hot.

But she was a lady, silly. A lady.

And how did you end up marrying her?

l have no idea.

We went to the movies.

Your grandma, was ahead of her times.

There, she sucked it...

...no, no, she masturbated me.

lt was so good. l fell in love with her.

When you meet the woman of your life,

there are always vultures.

-And what did you do with them? -l got rid of the enemy.

lt was the enemy. l fought with them!

l declared war. l fought!

Calm down, grandpa.

But yes,

opportunities must be taken.

Because later on they're gone... and never come back.

Give me the...

Grandfather, this is not fun...

Grandpa, grandpa, grandpa!

Your grandfather pulled this stuff of playing dead too far.

That night my granpda died of a heart attack.

My mother was depressed, and stayed at home for three months.

promised in his memory, that l'd get Cristina.

l'll get rid of the enemy

-Good morning! -Good morning!

-l don't hear you! -Good morning, Mr. Massera!

How did the little Chileans wake up?

Do you feel like masturbating or coming out as world champions?

Let's see, you!

Like masturbating, Mr. Massera.

Are you stupid?

You pretend that l will play fool in front of the class.

Come on! Get up!

Come here! Fast!

-Give me 120. -Masturbations?

Go down, give me 120 push ups. There you go.

1,2... everyone listen to me... 3...

Fuck, those tits...

Massera He has a torturer's blood,

who always used Condoro and me, for his educational experiments.

Gentlemen, right now we willimagine that...

...these two dweebs are two soccer balls,

the one who throws them farther away, makes it to the next grade.

Let's play!

118, 119...

120. Move your ass!

Gentlemen, today we will play soccer!

A sport that you don't know..

...that you don't understand, since you never made it to world champions!

We'll choose captains.

Fele, Marcos. Choose some.

How are you doing, kids?

Are you fucking any of those?

What a hunk! What a hunk!

You choose one!

Don't pick him, he's really bad.

Choose another one!

He plays well, come here.

Come on! Put some energy! We don't have all day!

Some team you got! They're all awful.

Let's do this!Attention please,

Marcos' team, take your T-shirts out. Got it?

-Do we have to? -Are you ashamed, Rodriguez?

Don't be stupid! Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go! Go white and blue!

Go white and blue! Go white and blue!

Fuck!

Common Fele, play it!

The enemy must be eliminated.

Goal!

-Fele, what did Rodriguez do to you? -Nothing!

-l saw him pushing you to the floor -Well.

-Does it hurt? -A bit, my leg.

-You made a goal -Just lucky, l am really bad.

-And you dedicated it to me. -Of course, to whom else!

Roberto was trying to foul him the entire game.

l saw him, l told him no too, not to have bad intentions.

He doesn't like you together.

At this school people are like into surrealism.

-Yes. -Surrealism.

l see. Let's go.

Be careful.

Brother, dude...

...sorry lf l hurt you.

Really. My apologies. Be strong, my brother!

Shall l take you to the nurse's office?

No, l'll stand up own my own.

My ear is clogged.

Let's see.

lt's the other one.

Could l get treatment at my place? My back hurts too.

Thanks for everything! l feel better.

-Hello! -Hi, Mr. Manolo.

l'll be at Chemistry's class.

What's up Papitas?

My friend Roberto fell at soccer and he's not well.

-And where's your friend? -l am worst, look.

-l don't see anything. -There's a splinter, there.

But...

-Does it hurt a lot? -Yes.

Comme here. Let's check it out. Come and sit here.

lt could be a splinter. We must open that cut.

OK? Be still.

Be still, l'll take it out.

Shut up!

Shut up!

Look at me l'll just

Leave everything

Take me from here

Nothing was working...

The only thing left is to spy on the enemy...

l didn't have my own life, and l started living theirs.

More than winning the bet, it was about to be near Cristina...

There was love in the air, and all pointed to...

...Fele and Cristina about to fuck.

-ln your parents' bedroom? -They'll come back late, l told you.

-No, Fele, not here. -Yes, here.

l am not... No, Fele.

l don't know what's my problem, but l was on a bus to Feles'home.

Even worse: l was carrying binoculars.

Fele, turn off the light.

That's why love, Listen to this song

More than a song

lt's an action guide

That guarantees a

Different love An alternative love

Son of the bitch! Son of the bitch!

-No, Fele... stop... -Cristina, l am too horny.

Me too but... stop!

Do you have any condoms?

-What? -Do you have condoms?

-Why the fuck you don't take pills? -Son of the bitch!

-Common, honey! -OK, OK.

l am sorry.

l love you,l respect you.

Take your dress off.

Just a little bit. Just a bit.

Take your clothes off!

lt hurts! Get out!

What was that?

Stop, stop, stop!

Go to the bathroom! Go, go my love!

Son of the bitch! They'll find us.

Be still, relax!

Now, we'll do it.

-l have a little present for you...-Yes?

lt's so strong. You will have to learn how to walk...

-What is it? -Viagra!

-What are you doing here? -Toilet paper.

-Weren't you at Marco's? -Not.

Toilet paper? Look at your face!

-Why are your eyes red? -l was sleeping, dad.

What have you been smoking?

What are you doing? l am not a good role model?

Are you OK? You look prettier.

You look like a mermaid, beautiful.

Asshole.

l am sorry... l didn't know they'd come back so early...

-Do you trust me? -No.

Cristina...

Birds are singing...

My life crumbles in front of you ln front of you

l saw you You saw me

And our love is growing

ln the water like a crab

All started

To pound

Our relationship Love between a woman and a man

ln 37 days more, you will be perfect.

Water, l need water!

No, water would ruin your skin.

You can only drink...

...natural soy extracts.

Stop there, Gym-Man!

You won't pull this one this,piggy

You won't pull this out...

Strange Obesity of the Being...

l see a light. Father, mother...?

Why have you abandoned me?

l don't feel my freaking legs!

God, it wasn't my fault!

My hero.

-Are we going to fly? -No, to bounce.

-lt's so good that you found me. -l would never lose you.

-l'd like to know who you are. -l am a friend.

You saved me, Gym-Man wanted me to be perfect.

-You already are. -You are so...

-Fat? -No... especial.

You are here to study, not to sleep, Mr. Rodriguez!

This can't be! We've got the test results.

The average was 414...

...we were the lowest score among all the schools.

Silence! Silence! Silence, please! Silence!

There's almost no time left for the test, l'd love to see how you feel next year...

-Teacher! Teacher! -What's the matter?

What happened on your neck?

Get out. You're suspended.

-But l didn't do anything... -Get out! Out!

Excuse me, teacher, may l announce something to the class?

You have a minute, Mr. Delgado.

Saturday, l'll have my birthday party at my home,

you're all invited.

And l will have lots of little delicious things...

Shut up fag, smelly pig, go back to your town, moron!

...there's going to be... rum and pisco.

And beers!

Hi, Roberto! Hey...

Fucking Fele, it can't be like this.

Roberto, stop it! You're drunk!

-Give me the bottle! -Get out, asshole!

Really, stop it! You're fat, ugly, deformed

-And pathetic, but don't be a fool.-Shut up!

-Don't be a fool, you're drunk. -l am not drunk, stop bothering me!

You know what happened last party with the dog...

-The same thing again! -Really?

Let's go and sit down!

You should sit down.

Shut, up, you don'tknow how to control situations!

Cristina, l wanted to tell you something...

l am dancing with my girlfriend, OK? Another day, split.

-Girlfriend? -Yes. My girlfriend.

Congratulations.

l am the Strange Obesity of the Being!

Somebody take this fat home. Go home, go home.

Roberto, you're drunk.

Go home, go home!

That' what you wanted? Let's go!

Cristina! Roberto! Common!

Cristina, l love you and... l want to sing to you,

a song, like the kind you like...

l will leave my oceans for you...

Fag, learn how to sing, mother fucker!

Take this asshole home, please!

Take him home! Take him home!

Let's go fag!

l will be your lover

My badly broken heart

For a silver river

For ever, l will be your love hero

OK, that's what you wanted? l won't pick you up.

-Condorin, help me. -OK. Let's carry him.

Let's kick the shit out of him.

Take it easy, easy. There's almost no time left for the black list.

-What are you talking about? -Nothing, nothing...

Let's go and dance somewhere else? Come on, come on.

My love, precious, let's make love?

Fuck you are a bitch.

Hey! Here, look.

God?

Don't be silly, l am your grandpa.

Grandfather...

it's the only way to get in her pants...

She'll never give me the time of the day,

l've tried everything.

Everything but telling her what you feel.

That's the only way to find your place in life's circle.

l've already told her what l felt.

Not in the right way.

Not in the right way...

But, grandfather? Grandfather?

Fele, stop it. You know what...

-What? -l was thinking in Roberto.

Even tough he's lame... it looks to me that he was brave...

-Brave? -Yes.

l am only waiting for the year to end,

so l can beat the shit out of him.

What were you talking with Marcos, about the black list?

lt's a game. The last grade says farewell to the lower grades.

There's a list of names and we draw crosses next to each name,

if you have more crosses, more terrible things will happen, get it?

-And what do they do to them? -Shake them a bit...

Shave their heads... throw mud to others...

And to some, like Roberto, they beat the shit out of them.

-What's up? -Nothing.

-What's up? -Stop it.

-Stop it. -What's up?

l don't want too!

lt's OK. lt's OK.

Do you like someone else?

Look at me! Do you like someone else?

You don't get it, right?

All women, are the same. They are all...

l don't want to.

Sometimes l'd just like you to hold my hand.

To fuck your hand?

Son of the bitch! Son of the bitch!

Fele... l am pregnant.

lt's a joke?

-And... who's the father? -Son of the bitch!

You never know. l don't know what you do all day

Cristina, Roberto wants to talk with the asshole and you.

What does he want? -l don't know. He'll start crying.

Are you OK?

Sorry, Cristina. l know l am lame...

You are not lame.

Why not? l am on the floor,

puked, wet...

Well, yes. You're a bit lame.

l know that we'll never be together...

Why? Because l am freak.

People like you don't go with people like me.

Don't feel bad.

l just wanted you to know how l felt.

-Are you staying or leaving? -l am staying!

ls there something left to drink at this party?

There's nothing left here. But there may be some Whiskey left at my house.

My grandfather left me a lot of it.

-Whiskey? -Yes.

-At your place? -Eh... yes.

The Strange Obesity ofThe Being

And... could we go?

You should make a comic based on your life.

lsn't easier to write about what really happens in your life?

Sure, but nothing happens in my life.

Who'd read something like that?

-ls that me? -Yes.

l got you this, like you told me you didn't have it...

But if you yourself told me that it was out of print.

Well, this one is mine, but l'd like you to have it.

Nobody has ever gave me something like this.

Do you feel alright?

-Roberto... -Yes

-Can l tell you something? -Yes.

-l am late one month. -Where to?

Fuck, what do you mean where?

l am pregnant...

And what are you going to do?

l don't know...

l think l could have an abortion.

l will help you with anything you need.

Thanks. But it's my problem.

-And what's Fele going to do? -He's a son of a bitch...

The Dark Room

Fele...

Hey, Roberto!

Use this chance and feel her. Touch her!

Common grandfather, leave...

Grandfather, leave!

Touch her! Use this chance!

Common! Go to hell!

And why should l have to help you?

Marcela, really... Roberto, please...

...this is the second time we speak in ten years.

Why would l help you? Stop it.

You know more than anybody about this topic.

OK.

Here, you are fucked up. You can't do an abortion...

The baby is too grown up, about to give birth,

Here's about to get out...

Here, it's like with three months. You can still do an abortion...

Basic education: $0 dollars First, intrauterine aspiration...

They stick a vacuum in there...

A propeller goes in there, it turns tearing inside...

Then, pills injection...

They give it to you, and makes this to come out,

like fluid, it's a hormonal thing, you get your period again.

What would happened to her with the pills?

That!

''''''BLACK LlST'''' Papitas, Papitas...''

How come four? Do you like him?

Condoro, Condoro, Condoro...

-How many for Condoro? -Five.

How come five for that poor fat?

-Why more than Papitas? -He's always checking out Marcelas's tits.

lf it was because of that, Roberto would be dead.

l was told he was hanging out with Marcelita.

And he has also been seen every day with Cristina...

How pathetic...

OK. Roberto... How many to Roberto?

Shut up, assholes!

The Law, the Law!

This is the cheapest.

Are we going to do an abortion or a salad?

You stick this inside...

1/2 kg Celery $1 dollar Doing like this. You scrap it,

like a spoon, you take it out...

take it out, it will flow, and you clean it...

ls there anything more subtle?

-You said you didn't have any money. - l can get some.

Tell me before, next time.

Very bad!

Now is your turn.

Mr. Delgado, this it's not what you think!

Do you have an appointment?

-lt's me, Doc. -Marcelita, hurry up!

Doctor's visit with accent Let's see!

from Miami: $70 dollars Why, do you like fatties now?

-lt's all joking, kid. -He called you fat!

-Let's check the patience's health. -Doctor...

Silence.

This is critical, your tits are hard.

Good joke, kid Come here, seriously now.

Marcela, go to the table and open your legs.

-lt's not me. ls for a friend of his. -l see.

Then...

Like you already did things to me, we wanted to ask you for a discount.

Of course, a discount.

lf you don't have money, you can pay like Marcela.

With flesh.

-lt's a joke. -He's lying.

Relax, dweeb.

Relax, kid. Relax.

-And how old is your girlfriend? -Seventeen.

Seventeen, OK.

And when did she menstruated last?

l have no idea.

No idea.

With this info, she'd be ready for surgery...

maybe...

Tomorrow morning.

Don't you need to know anything else?

That will do.

There's a small detail...

You have to sign this paper...

-What is it? -lt's very important.

Health lnsurance: Courtesy of the House

lt releases me from any responsibility.

This kind of surgery is dangerous.

Your girlfriend's life is at risk,

but so is my career.

My license may be revoked.

So... No, dude, it's a joke!

lt was a joke.

l was joking. Nothing ever happens.

And... how much would it cost?

Because you're Marcela's friend and l adore her...

Teeth Whitening:$1000 dollars ...$1000 dollars.

-$1000 dollars? -No, l don't have that money.

Stop, we have cheaper solutions...

Medical Receipt: $10 dollars But, l wouldn't recommend it.

Market's price forThe Dark Room: $1000 dollars

$50 dollars.

Sales price: $50 dollars

You're crazy, Jabba. The entire collection is about $200.

Besides they're original from Spain not the Mexican version badly pasted.

OK, but they're not sealed.

Some pages are folded, Others glued.

-But who's going to notice that? -Them.

That's less than $2 dollars per comic. l took three years to buy all these and...

..four times more expensive.

You need the money. Not me.

Ulcer Pills: $70

Your teacher couldn't come to classes,

''''''Uses andAbuses of E-mail'''' so l'll teach you the computer lesson.''

''''''Uses andAbuses of E-mail'''' so l'll teach you the computer lesson.''

Today we will learn the wonderful world of the electronic mail.

Don't go in the lnternet looking for things unrelated to the subject.

Last week, some students were looking at naked women...

Let's go, mother fuckers!

Open! Open!

lt's the time.

Black list! Black list!

Calm down!

Calm down, calm down. lf you stay inside nothing will happen to you.

Order. We need order. Don't go out at the break.

This is intolerable, l am going to see what do they want.

-Silence, silence! -Roberto, Roberto!

Aren't you big to be playing at seize the school?

-Roberto, Roberto! -Stop! Stop!

We have something to tell you!

lf we hand them in Roberto, would they leave us alone?

Papitas, Condoro, Roberto!

Take them out, so they won't hurt us.

-Get out! Get out! -Shut up! Shut up!

Hurry up, fucking Papitas!

lt seems that we lost them. Let's go to the exit.

Help me, dude! No, see you!

Take his pants off! Shave him!

Roberto! There's Roberto, dude!

Let go of me! Let go of me!

Let go of me! Let go of me!

Open the door, fucking fag!

lt seems that your finally acknowledge your sex, fag.

Open the door... we're only about to beat the shit out of you.

''The door is opened. Are you happy now? ''

How brave, my prince charming. so brave...

Why don't you fuck someone else?

You don't get it. l had a fucking time this year.

My grandpa died, you put me on the black list and...

Stop, Fele.

OK. Really. lt was a hard year.

We didn't realize about your grandpa...

This shitty black list is stupid...

How cool you are now, asshole...

What's this shit?

Don't touch that, no!

Don't touch that!

Just kick me, it won't change the fact that you're...

...so stupid to flunk fourth grade like for the fifth time.

Now you're crying, dude. Now, you start crying.

Are you horny with the Spanish girl?

Are you horny with the Spanish girl, fucker?

She will never give you the time of the day...

Because you're a pathetic obese shit.

A pathetic sad dude!

The enemy must be eliminated. The enemy must be eliminated.

What the fuck is with you? You wanna bleed some more?

Repeat what you told me.

Say it again!

She would never give the time of the day

to a sad pathetic obese like you.

-ls that it? -That's it.

Check, at least l am not a fucking fag who runs away like you.

l am in love with Cristina and l like being with her..

...even nothing will ever happen,

l'd rather be her loser-friend than her supposedly boyfriend,

and fuck her life.

-What did you say? -What you heard, mother fucker

-What did you do to him? -Nothing, is just a game.

You are a son of a bitch... Get it?

-Come here. The show is over. -What show?

-Let's go, moving to detention... -lt's a game...

With this behavior l see it very hard for you to graduate.

-Don't grab me like that. -You are refusing to go, move.

Don't say a word.

Some time later...

-l brought you something. -What is it?

-A comic. -How romantic.

Open it!

Red Average, Roberto Rodriguez's Opera Prima.

l can't believe it. lt's me!

Me neither. They put me on the cover.

And asked me for four more numbers.

At the end, our life was reduced to a comic.

Well, there are worse things.

l have to go.

Wait...

Nothing. l just want you to know that...

...it would be awful for you to stay alone because of me...

l would do anything for you.

lncluding being normal.

l would never ask you for that.

l really have to go.

l love you Roberto, take care.

Say bye to your uncle, honey

Bye.

Dude, stop her. Tell her you love her...

...that she's the woman of your life.

Cristina, if you care about me, turn around.

Please, turn around, just once.

Shit, turn around.

Cristina, turn around. Please, turn around.

Turn around, turn around.

Please, turn around, turn around.

Turn around, turn around, turn around.

Shit.

What's up with Cristina?

Nothing. She's gone.

Are you feeling bad?

No.

Do you think l am a fag?

Well, when you touch my leg with the stick shift, l do.

Two days before l knew she was leaving, she told me that lf...

...she had to grade everything that happened...

...to her during last year she would give it an F,

but thanks to me the average went up.

Sure, it sounded like a postpartum stupidity, but it sounded logical.

lf life would be a big exam, for sure l'd cheat.

lf for everything that l do l'd get grades, l'd be about to flunk.

But Cristina raised my average and made me pass.

By ourselves, we wouldn't have gotten even a D, but together

l don't know how, we got out getting a Red average.

Do we get the metallic balls, now?