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1
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:14,479
...have decided to withhold comment
pending further investigation.
2
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:16,519
Officials at NASA
released a joint statement...
3
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,679
with the national weather service this
afternoon saying they,re monitoring...
4
00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:21,239
what's being called a celestial event ,
5
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,159
moving over the southwestern
part of the countrv.
6
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:25,199
No details are available
at the present time,
7
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:28,759
but they did say that the atmosphere would
be producing extreme weather systems...
8
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,239
in response to increased magnetic activity
from space.
9
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:39,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
10
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:52,079
Yeah, Angel's talented,
did you see her in "Wick Dipper V"?
11
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,519
I don't think so. Is it new?
12
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:59,199
Fairly new. She did some
fine ball work in that. - That's nice.
13
00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:03,839
And she told me, she was
honored to have you as a coach.
14
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,319
Coach.
15
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,879
I think our makeup girl
has a little crush on you.
16
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,999
Please. This bus ride
is nauseating enough.
17
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,839
Oh, fuck off. Ron's twice the man you are.
18
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,999
When we get up to the cabins, I want to
show you something I've been working on.
19
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,839
You found a new way to hold a boom.
20
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:54,439
Come on, I'm just a sound guy
like you're just a black man.
21
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:59,239
No, I think I'm on to something. I think
it's going to revolutionize the industry.
22
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,679
Viva la revolucion.
23
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,519
Cynical bastard. Where's your joy?
24
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,479
Hey, Pop, how much longer?
25
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,319
About forty-five minutes, give or take.
26
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,719
I'd like to drop you all off and get back
down before the snowstorm hits.
27
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,679
Oh, snowball fights.
28
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:28,079
Radio says it's to be a whopper.
Biggest since 1938.
29
00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:31,919
Yeah, what were you, like, sixty then?
- Come on, leave the guy alone.
30
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,079
I was talking to you.
31
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:43,519
Anyone know when we're getting paid?
32
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,999
Same as always, Hon,
half up front and half when we wrap.
33
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:49,199
Jim said there will be checks
when we arrive.
34
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:52,319
Thank God.
I could really use that six grand.
35
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:56,439
Six thousand.
She's making six thousand?
36
00:02:56,520 --> 00:03:00,639
What has she done, maybe hundred, hundred
fifty movies? She's just a beginner.
37
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,199
Oh. That's so unfair.
38
00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,039
Yeah, we're almost there.
39
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,359
What?
40
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:12,199
We're doing it here cause I want to get
this thing done without all the agents...
41
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:15,359
and boyfriends looking over my
shoulder every fucking minute.
42
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:21,959
Don't worry, we'll get it made. I said
we'll get it made. Hello. Fuck. Jack?
43
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,559
End of the line.
44
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,079
Get me to a shower immediately.
45
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,399
Oh, it's so pretty here.
46
00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,399
That's everything.
47
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,479
Thanks, Pal.
48
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:18,199
Benjamin Franklin? Well, thank you.
49
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,679
So, you folks are making a picture, eh?
- Yeah.
50
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:25,159
Oh, I sure do love the movies.
Is it a thriller?
51
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,599
Yeah, thrills a plenty.
52
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,079
Wait till I tell Mother.
53
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:35,479
Listen, now I'll never hear the end
of it if I don't get the details right.
54
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,519
Mind me asking?
- By all means.
55
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:42,159
Your cock is nine inches, that right?
- Nine and three quarters.
56
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:46,319
Oh. I owe her ten dollars.
- I'm sorry.
57
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,399
Oh, no harm done.
58
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,279
I'll be back to pick you all up on Sunday.
59
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,679
Unless of course the roads
are snowed in, in which case,
60
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:54,999
you'll have to wait
a day or two till it melts.
61
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,639
But there's plenty
of food in there in the pantry.
62
00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,399
Oh, and I started the generator before
I came and picked you folks up,
63
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,319
so ah, your rooms should
be nice and toasty by now.
64
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,679
Hey, Pops, are we
the only ones on the mountain?
65
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:11,359
Ah, nope, there's ah, fellow lives over
on the other side, ah, name's Mohtz.
66
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:16,519
Comes down for supplies
and what not every few months.
67
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,559
He pretty much keeps to himself,
68
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,919
he's been there ever since
he came back from Vietnam.
69
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,479
What's that?
70
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,439
Oh, that's an old communications tower.
71
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:33,559
This whole mountain was used by the
army as a lookout after Pearl Harbor.
72
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,919
Making sure no Japs come a calling.
73
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:39,039
Okay, people, grab a cabin and pretty up.
74
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,639
I want to do Ron and Wanda's
first scene before dinner.
75
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,519
We're setting up in the main cabin.
76
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,879
Good luck folks, stay warm.
77
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,679
Hey, maybe we can roast
some marshmallows ...
78
00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,479
Hey!
- Roast that, Nerd-Boy.
79
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,119
Excuse me, I have the luggage ...
80
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:09,199
Is there anything else you need,
Mr. Jeremy? - Oh, no thank you. Ah ...
81
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:11,479
Laura.
- Laura, I'm sorry.
82
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:15,479
So many names over the years, you know.
- Historic years.
83
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:19,439
Yeah, some would say prehistoric.
- That's just awful.
84
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,319
Raw talent like yours is ageless,
85
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,159
and anyone who says otherwise
they can just shut the hell up.
86
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:29,999
Why, thank you, Laura. So, how long
have you been working in hardcore?
87
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,399
A few years. I used to do
makeup for the Olson twins,
88
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,879
and one of them told me about
a film called, "Lord of the Cockrings".
89
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,959
Gilligan, you and the skipper
here take the bunks.
90
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:46,799
Sure thing. I don't mind taking the top.
- Appreciate it.
91
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:53,439
Have you guys think Wanda is as cute as I
do. I don't know, I'm kind of digging her.
92
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,359
She's a sweet kid.
- Think she'd go out with me?
93
00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:01,759
Dude. She's going to blow you
in an hour and a half. And me.
94
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,999
It's totally different.
95
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,679
lt is ten minutes after the hour,
96
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:10,719
and they still don't know what that thing
is in the sky,
97
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,439
so if l were you, l'd stay indoors, folks.
Z97 FM.
98
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,639
Your room looks just like mine.
99
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,279
Kind of cozy, huh?
100
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,879
This is just like camp.
101
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,479
What's that?
- Lidocaine.
102
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,839
Stubble always hurts when
I'm getting my pussy eaten.
103
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:37,679
So I spray it on right before the scene.
- Now that's using your noodle.
104
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:43,119
Thanks. But I'm sure you have some
of your own tricks of the trade.
105
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:46,199
Yeah. I've got a great one.
106
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:50,039
So if I'm doing this video where
I have to lick a guys asshole,
107
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:54,799
I hit myself in the head with a piece of
wood, five times really hard, right there.
108
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,559
What does that do?
109
00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:02,599
It disables the olfactory
bulb in my limbic system.
110
00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,319
I can't smell anything
for twelve straight hours.
111
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:12,559
So I ask the director to make sure all my
ass-licking scenes are on the same day.
112
00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,639
Cool.
- Works.
113
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:21,919
Come in.
114
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:29,679
Hey, hey.
Okay, what's the matter?
115
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:35,559
Been put out to pasture, Ron.
- What are you talking about?
116
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:39,359
I never should have come here.
I don't know what I was thinking.
117
00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:42,719
I guess I was hoping maybe
I could fill in for somebody,
118
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:48,119
or maybe they'd add a scene
just because, because I was here.
119
00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:53,479
Pretty deluded, huh?
- Not at all.
120
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,959
I'm the worst kind of diva,
an out-of-work one.
121
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,679
Truth is, I don't belong
in hardcore anymore,
122
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,199
you know there's no
room for a woman my age.
123
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,879
Do you remember the first
film we ever did together?
124
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:14,759
Um ...
"Women in Love" 1979.
125
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,519
I played your fiancé.
- Right.
126
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,519
28 years later I'm here to tell you...
127
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,239
that the years have made
you only more beautiful.
128
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:23,479
Right.
129
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:27,159
What you're lacking is confidence,
and that is a shame.
130
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,439
Ronny, do you know how
tough it is to be confident...
131
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,359
when half the girls
on the set call you Mom?
132
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:35,319
That shouldn't matter. How you feel,
that's what matters. Look at me.
133
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,599
I don't look like a porn star,
except for my cock.
134
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,759
But, I play the fool, and I get the joke,
135
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,959
I'm in on it, and that
makes it kind of hip.
136
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,599
And I try to bring a different character
into the role that I play,
137
00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:48,999
and that gives me confidence.
138
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:53,879
But I can't suck my own dick anymore.
- Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
139
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:59,199
With the added weight and the back pains,
all I can do is kiss the tip.
140
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,639
That's more like it.
141
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:10,319
Let me tell you something Veronica,
you have something really special.
142
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:15,239
That I have found very hard to resist.
- Thanks, Ronny.
143
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,479
You know, I do wish Jim
would put me in the movie,
144
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:22,599
I think I've got a few surprises left.
- What are you waiting for?
145
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,959
Why don't you go talk to him?
146
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:28,359
I guess maybe he just
needs to be persuaded?
147
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:32,999
Maybe he needs your secret weapon.
- Maybe I'll show him.
148
00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:39,559
Atta girl, remember, you are a porn star,
show him what porn stars are made of.
149
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,919
Thank you, Ronny.
150
00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,799
Hey there, coach. Shouldn't you be running
lines with Wanda or something?
151
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:08,639
She knows her lines. I know her lines.
152
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,359
Don't start with me, Veronica,
we've been through this.
153
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,359
Yeah, I know, we've talked and talked.
154
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:18,839
But, I just don't think talking is getting
us anywhere. Do you? - Huh?
155
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,479
Oh.
156
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,239
Whatever.
157
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:35,479
I've fucked them all, but if you think you
can make a case, the floor is yours.
158
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,039
I prefer the desk.
159
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,199
Come on, give it to me.
160
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:58,399
Oh. That's it. Hold it right there.
- What? Oh, oh. What are you doing?
161
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,359
Oh, what I was trained to do,
what I was born to do.
162
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,719
But how? We're not even moving
and you're massaging ...
163
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:06,679
They're called kiggles, Jimbo.
Muscles in the vagina.
164
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:10,559
Every woman has them,
but I know how to move them. - Ah, ah, ah.
165
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,959
Like a concert pianist, moving their
fingers. You like it don't you?
166
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:18,199
Yeah, it's good. Oh, goddamn,
I'm going to shoot. I'm going to shoot.
167
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,319
No. You're not.
- What?
168
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:24,239
Let it go, I'm gonna, I'm gonna cream.
- No. Not 'til you put me in the movie.
169
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:28,239
Oh, I can't handle this, please, I'm ready
please. - Put me in the movie.
170
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,559
Oh, okay, you're in. You're in the movie.
- First scene?
171
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,399
Okay, you're in. Please!
172
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,079
See you on set.
173
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:01,839
Points!
174
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,519
We're going in twenty minutes.
Lance, Rock, I need you in makeup.
175
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,999
Laura is set up in her cabin.
Jonah, you almost ready?
176
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,319
Almost.
177
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,599
Hey, Pointdexter, I'm paying you to hold
the boom, not play video games.
178
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,359
Put your toys away.
179
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,639
Jawohl, Herr Direktor.
180
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,639
What's that you working on anyway?
- Ah, program I designed.
181
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:31,159
Nothing special except that it might
change the world, as we know it.
182
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:35,239
What's it do?
- Ah, what's it do, he asks?
183
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,559
Sit down, sit down.
I think you're going to like this.
184
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,359
This is a neuro-tactile simulator.
185
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,959
A what?
- A neural tact ...
186
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:51,959
It's a doohickey, and so now all you have
to do is answer one simple question.
187
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,159
Shoot.
188
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:57,239
If you could fuck anyone,
in ah, any orifice,
189
00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,599
who would it be and,
ah, how would you do it?
190
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:04,079
Oh, that's easy. Anna Nicole Smith's tits,
when they were alive.
191
00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:09,119
Ah, no see, I need, I need an orifice.
- Paris Hilton in the mouth.
192
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:13,239
Paris Hilton. Paris Hilton.
193
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,999
Now, I'll need you to put your
big buddy inside that thing...
194
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,359
before I run the program.
195
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,599
Hold on there, partner, I don't
want to fuck with my livelihood.
196
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:23,839
You do fuck with your livelihood.
197
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:27,839
It's perfectly safe,
it's been tested many, many times.
198
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,639
Well.
- And cleaned.
199
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:32,319
Okay.
200
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,479
Ah, holy shit!
201
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:49,679
Oh, this is great.
So this is what it would feel like.
202
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:52,079
Pretty good, huh?
203
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:56,399
Hold on a second, Einstein. You expect us
to believe he's fucking Paris Hilton.
204
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:58,079
Ah, in the mouth.
205
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:01,479
If you want her in the ass,
I'd have to change the settings.
206
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,759
And pick up some brownie mix.
- Oh, not yet. Oh.
207
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,559
This is the real thing, boys.
208
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,879
See, I've got two thousand
celebrities in my database.
209
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:15,319
I organized the data consisting of three
dimensional measurements, fluid content,
210
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:19,599
skin tone and, ah, muscle strength,
all of which is available on the internet,
211
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,439
and then I wrote a program to
send the information to that thing...
212
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,759
which is nothing more than
a bunch of moving sponges,
213
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,839
mineral oil and an adjustable aperture.
So, for all intents and purposes.
214
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:32,479
I'm fucking Paris Hilton.
- In the mouth.
215
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:42,039
Let's do it again for Christ sakes.
"Wet Dream Girls" scene one, take five.
216
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,759
And action.
217
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:50,999
So, are you going to be our new manager?
218
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:57,999
It looks that way, yes. In the meantime,
may I audition your pussy? - Okay.
219
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,279
Yeah. Hey, hey, hey.
220
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:08,559
Ah, hold on, hold on a second.
Wait, wait, damn it.
221
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,559
Hey, old man,
what the fuck is wrong with you?
222
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:15,439
I just need about maybe twenty minutes.
I need a little bit of air, that's all.
223
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,479
Are you okay, Ron?
- Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
224
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,999
Okay, that's lunch, back in twenty.
225
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:25,919
Ron, get your shit together, this movie's
getting made with or without you.
226
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:56,039
You all right?
- I miss the good old days, Jonah.
227
00:16:56,120 --> 00:17:00,519
You know, the sets, the lights,
when a script had an actual story line,
228
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,399
and wasn't some fuck film knock off,
of whatever the current hit was.
229
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:07,599
You weren't moved by "Schindler's Fist?"
230
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,399
We were given actual trailers
to hang out in. - Is that right?
231
00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:15,479
We were treated like stars.
Hell, we were stars.
232
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:21,359
Now I feel like some schmuck caught on
tape, in some dumb-ass reality show.
233
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:27,479
Well, back to the grind as it were.
- Yep.
234
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:31,959
Tell Jim I'll be in the truck getting
his filters, will you? - All right.
235
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,119
Hey, Jonah!
236
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,919
Shooting star.
237
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:34,199
Alright, ready to go?
- Yeah, as ready as I'll ever be.
238
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:40,799
...thought so, too, but if it smells bad,
it's probably not cancer.
239
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,239
Okay, let's do this before
the next fuckin' century please.
240
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:50,839
Ron, are you with us now?
- Yeah. I feel a lot better. Let's go.
241
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:54,959
That's more like it. Jonah.
- Okay.
242
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,199
Ready.
243
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:59,439
Okay, places, and roll...
- Hold on, I hear wind.
244
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:04,439
Good for you, roll tape.
Speed. And action.
245
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:11,599
Oh, oh, oh. Oh, yeah.
246
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:14,719
Yeah.
247
00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:20,239
Oh God, you're going to pass this audition
with flying colors, you know that.
248
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,079
Do you like it?
249
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:27,439
Okay, Ron, Veronica, doggy style. Jonah,
let's get two shots from in front of her.
250
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:34,679
Oh, that's it, yeah, fuck me from behind.
- I can't wait to.
251
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,919
I'm going to roll you like a carpet,
252
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,439
ride you like a Harley and
flip you like a cheese omelet.
253
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:42,719
Oh, you sweet talker you.
- What did Lee Strausberg used to say?
254
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:46,319
Breath, character, focus.
- Breath, yeah.
255
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:51,959
How long is it going to take to relight?
- Ready.
256
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,159
Okay, Ron, take off your sweater.
- I'm not wearing a sweater.
257
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,399
Okay, and action.
258
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:03,279
Oh, yeah, oh, oh.
- Oh, yeah.
259
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,879
That's it. - You'll pass this audition.
You're the best.
260
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,759
Oh, yes. Fuck me.
- Oh, lady.
261
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:15,239
Yeah, fuck me.
Do I get the job, huh?
262
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,159
Oh.
263
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:23,119
Careful, tiger.
- Oh, oh, oh.
264
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,959
Something's wrong with Ronny!
- Oh, oh, oh.
265
00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:48,319
Fuck!
266
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,879
What is it, Jonah? Is she okay?
267
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,239
Oh, she's hemorrhaging badly.
- Well do something, we're losing time.
268
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,399
Check her purse,
maybe there's a tampon in there.
269
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:06,079
Oh, this is just perfect. God damn it,
I can't believe this is happening to me.
270
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,959
Shut the fuck up, will you?
271
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,119
Here you go.
272
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:20,679
We're going to need a bigger tampon.
273
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,679
Fuck.
274
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:29,399
Hurry, T.J.
275
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:47,319
All right, that should hold it.
Let's put her on the couch.
276
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,759
Where, where's Ron?
- Over there.
277
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:07,799
Holy shit.
- What the hell?
278
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:11,599
Correct me if I'm wrong,
but he's missing his dick.
279
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:18,399
You know what I'm saying, I don't see
his dick. - What the fuck you just say?
280
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,999
Ron, can you hear me.
- It's cold.
281
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:23,959
Get a blanket.
282
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,799
There you go. Hang in there.
283
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:37,599
Hey, Jonah, remember when
I fucked that girl that time?
284
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:59,839
I don't understand, where the fuck is
his dick? - How the hell should I know?
285
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:03,639
Well, it just didn't get up and walk away.
- Actually, it did.
286
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:08,199
Camera's been rolling all this time.
I checked the play back.
287
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:13,759
Now watch Ron. He's trying to get our
attention. He had a pretty good reason.
288
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,919
Look. Look at his dick.
289
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:25,559
What about her?
290
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,079
The bleeding's stopped.
She's just in shock.
291
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,679
Did you check her snatch,
maybe it's gone, too.
292
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,519
How the fuck
is a snatch going to run away?
293
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,159
Oh, pardon me, but I'm still trying to
understand how a dick did it,
294
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:36,599
because I didn't think that they could.
295
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,999
I wonder where it went?
296
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,159
Oh, yeah.
297
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:58,799
Oh, damn, yes, give it to me.
298
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:03,559
Oh, oh, oh.
299
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:12,359
Oh, fuck, yeah, slap that ass.
300
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,599
Oh yeah, give it to me, fuck me.
301
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,879
Fuck me.
302
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:22,119
Shit.
303
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:31,639
Harder.
Fuck me harder. Fuck me harder.
304
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:36,279
Give it to me, baby.
Yeah. Just like that. Fuck me.
305
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,199
Fuck me harder, fuck me harder.
306
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:07,439
Angel, I'm trying to do my homework. Could
you please rehearse somewhere else?
307
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,719
It's just that I've got a midterm...
308
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:32,999
Gin!
- Shit.
309
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,999
That's three in a row.
- Yeah, thanks, I didn't realize that.
310
00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:49,119
Don't you think Ron
has the cutest mustache? - Yeah.
311
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,959
There's a dick in Angel's mouth.
312
00:25:56,880 --> 00:25:58,079
Yeah?
313
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:04,839
No, no, you don't understand.
It's not attached to anyone.
314
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,719
Oh, I'm sorry,
I was just putting on my ...
315
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:22,159
Oh, oh, oh. Oh, yeah...
316
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:29,679
Holy shit.
- Oh my God.
317
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:47,479
Jesus! Now that's what I call giving head.
318
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,559
You insensitive creep!
- Come on, man.
319
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:57,159
Okay, okay, keep your panties on.
You saying a disembodied dick did this?
320
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:01,239
Do you think I'd make that up?
- What should we do?
321
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:10,719
We got to do something with this body.
- There's a dumpster out back.
322
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:12,679
He's a human being,
not a fuckin' pizza box.
323
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:15,839
We can pack him in the snow until
we can get an ambulance up here.
324
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,879
Now how do you propose we do that?
325
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:21,479
There are no phone lines up here,
and my cell doesn't get a signal.
326
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:22,839
It doesn't matter.
327
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:27,199
No one's coming up and down this mountain
any time soon. Not in this storm.
328
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:30,999
We'll pack him in the snow,
until it blows over. Come on.
329
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,759
Jonah, I can't touch dead bodies.
330
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:38,119
I'm about a minute away
from passing out as it is.
331
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:43,159
Hey, I didn't even like the guy.
- Fine.
332
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,919
Take him around the side.
I don't want to be stepping on him.
333
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,039
You can't just leave.
- Watch me.
334
00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:01,119
You'll never make it down the mountain.
335
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:05,279
I'll take my chances with the mountain. I
won't take my chances with a killer dick.
336
00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:06,519
Coward!
337
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,079
You got to be fucking kidding me.
338
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:33,959
Help us.
- Oh my god! Help us, guys.
339
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:36,919
We need help.
- We need some help. She's dead.
340
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,959
A dick went through the back of her head.
There's a hole in it. - Shut up.
341
00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:42,759
Now, what happened?
342
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,199
I know you're gonna think I'm crazy.
343
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,039
I just saw a disembodied
dick in Angel's mouth.
344
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:49,639
It was choking her and it killed her.
The dick went through her head.
345
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:51,559
You should have seen the size of the hole,
thing's got to be huge.
346
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:55,079
Just calm down a bit, now where's Rock?
- He left in your Z.
347
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:56,519
Motherfuck.
348
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,319
What about the makeup girl,
Linda, Lorna, ah, Laura!
349
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:01,439
She was with us, but I don't know.
350
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,439
Hey.
- Are you okay?
351
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,999
I'm fine, why?
- What happened to Veronica?
352
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,159
Nothing, she's just sleeping.
353
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,359
Is she dead? What happened?
- Would you just stop it, it's ...
354
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:17,679
T.J., what's going on here?
- Nothing is... Hey, that's my Z.
355
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:40,999
Jonah!
- No!
356
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,519
Jonah's out there, remember.
- Fuck Jonah.
357
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:48,639
He's probably already dead, it's the dick!
- The only dick I see is you. Lance!
358
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:50,199
Oh, great.
359
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,119
Fuck me? Fuck you!
360
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,999
I should throw your sorry ass out there.
- I'm sorry. I didn't mean...
361
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,199
Holy shit, that's the dick.
362
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:16,919
Wait a minute.
363
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:23,399
S...O...S.
364
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:26,279
You telling me it knows Morse code?
365
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,719
If it does I'm ready for death,
but I think somebody's out there.
366
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:42,719
Who is he?
- Look at his jacket.
367
00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:45,839
I'm assuming this is our neighbor from the
other side of the mountain. Mohtz.
368
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:49,039
Jesus, he must have walked all the way
here. It's amazing he's not dead.
369
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:51,279
He's close. Get him to a chair.
370
00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:55,799
This is insane.
371
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,599
Even if he is this guy, look at him,
he's probably some Vietnam lunatic.
372
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:02,199
What do you want us to do, huh?
Send him home with a goodie bag?
373
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:07,039
Don't we have enough shit to deal with?
Besides, there's not enough food for him.
374
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:08,239
Oh, there's plenty.
375
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:12,999
Especially now that
we lost Angel and Rock.
376
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:17,879
Wait, we're missing somebody.
- Where's Ron?
377
00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:36,039
I want to get off this mountain
as much as you do, okay.
378
00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:38,279
But this blizzard is
forcing us to stay here.
379
00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,719
So, why can't we just continue
working and... - Working?
380
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:42,919
You're out of your fucking mind?
- Hey, nineteen year old!
381
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,559
I don't care how hung you are,
if you talk to me like that again,
382
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,919
you've made your last fuck film.
- Look, he's right.
383
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:51,479
The picture is not our priority right now.
- Hey, speak for yourself.
384
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,639
If I don't get this film made,
I'm going to lose some limbs here.
385
00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:57,119
Man, if you don't shut up, you're going to
lose them a lot sooner.
386
00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:00,879
What about the communications tower? Maybe
we can go over there and radio for help.
387
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:02,999
In this weather, nah, it's way too far.
388
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,079
Well, what's his face made it from
the other side of the mountain.
389
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:06,359
And I think it's stopped snowing.
390
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,719
Yeah, but the temperature's dropped what,
20 degrees since then?
391
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:10,399
It's suicide, but be my guest.
392
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:14,759
What are you going to do about Ron's dick?
Are we safe in here?
393
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,839
Guess we'll find out.
- What does it want?
394
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,799
Why don't you ask it? Maybe it talks, too.
395
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:24,719
You know, when I went to the truck to get
those filters, I saw something in the sky.
396
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:28,159
Ron saw it, too.
It's almost like a shooting star.
397
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,199
And I saw a really bright light,
just outside that door.
398
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:34,119
I could see it from my cabin,
but I just thought it was one of yours.
399
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:37,039
I don't have lights that bright.
- What did Ron say about it?
400
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:40,559
Nothing, but, he was acting kind of
strange when I got back from the truck.
401
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:44,239
Why?
- Maybe nothing, maybe everything.
402
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:48,239
I have a theory.
403
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:51,999
It's a little way out, but I saw a dick
scurry out of the tail pipe today,
404
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:55,479
so I'm willing to consider
just about everything. - Go on.
405
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,399
The shooting star, the bright light,
406
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,959
Ron acts weird, and his dick
takes off running. - And killing.
407
00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:07,039
Yes, I haven't forgotten that.
And killing.
408
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:12,959
What if that shooting star
was some alien life form...
409
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:17,759
that invaded Ron and took control of
his dick? - Ah, give me a fuckin' break.
410
00:34:18,240 --> 00:34:20,919
I don't know, I'm just rifling here,
411
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,479
but it seems to be only natural that, ah,
412
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:27,599
if an alien wanted to take over the
planet, it would need to seed it.
413
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:31,079
A dick?
- Well, not just any dick.
414
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:34,199
One that had access to as
many vaginas as possible...
415
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:37,799
and could penetrate them as deeply
as someone like Ron could.
416
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:40,719
Maybe it even knows who's
capable of conceiving right now,
417
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:44,279
and sees anyone who isn't as a threat.
- So, you're saying it scouted Ron?
418
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:47,799
I don't know, I'm tired, but maybe it did.
419
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:52,119
Hey, Mister X files. Why just the dick,
why not all of Ron?
420
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,679
Women don't usually fuck dicks
that aren't attached to men.
421
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,959
Unless they're battery operated. - I don't
think it's interested in wooing anybody,
422
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,119
ah, it just wants to replicate.
423
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:02,039
And it clearly doesn't mind using force.
424
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:07,879
To the alien, everything but the dick
is baggage. - We got to kill it.
425
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:09,079
No.
426
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:17,079
I just mean, can't we trap it or
something? Maybe it's just scared.
427
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:21,799
You didn't see what that thing
did to Angel. It was horrible.
428
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:26,679
So, how are we going to do it?
- I'll kill it for you.
429
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,399
It's a death machine, smart.
430
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:40,279
You've got to outthink it.
Never saw one that big though.
431
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:44,639
You've seen it before?
- One.
432
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:50,839
Well, care to elaborate, old-timer?
- No.
433
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,839
Then what the hell are you doing here?
434
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:59,359
Saw that streak of light from my cabin
on the other side. - The shooting star.
435
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:06,079
You can call it whatever you want to,
but that's not what it is.
436
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:08,119
What are we doing listening to this guy.
437
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,719
He probably thinks he's in the jungle for
Christ sakes. - Why don't you shut up?
438
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:17,759
So, you know what it was?
- Your man there already knows.
439
00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:19,959
So it's a Martian?
440
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:23,399
Sweetheart, I don't have
its mailing address or anything,
441
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:29,079
but I can tell you one thing, it's not
from this God forsaken planet.
442
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,999
You said you know how to kill it. How?
443
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:39,879
Whatever it was, whatever it's gonna be,
right now, it's a dick.
444
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:42,599
Brilliant.
445
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:49,119
And therefore, subject to
the physiology of one. - Bright boy.
446
00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:53,199
Oh, of course, of course.
447
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:58,319
It seems to kill during an act of
penetration, meaning it's erect,
448
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,999
but okay, but what about after that?
449
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:06,559
If it's a dick, it needs a refractory
period, right? - So what?
450
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:11,439
So that's when it's spent.
That's when it's vulnerable.
451
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:14,359
I just call it a rest period.
452
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:18,879
So, we just need to get it
to blow its load, but then what?
453
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:25,799
Circumcise it to oblivion, with an axe.
Should have one in your shed.
454
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:29,559
How are we going to get it to come?
- She's a porn star, she can fuck it.
455
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:30,639
Hey!
- Fuck you!
456
00:37:30,720 --> 00:37:34,839
No one's fucking it.
- At least, no one human.
457
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:36,839
Come again.
458
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,639
I'll set up the neural tactile simulator.
- Good.
459
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:42,559
The what?
- We'll explain later.
460
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:48,159
Right now, we need to get that axe.
Someone has to go to the shed and get it.
461
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:57,359
Choose.
462
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:06,079
There's only four, what about him?
- The man's frost-bitten.
463
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:09,639
And he volunteered to kill it.
Who's gonna go first?
464
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,599
Hail Mary full of grace.
465
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,239
Oh, fuck that, I'm not going out
there with that thing on the lose.
466
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:40,319
Stop calling it a thing. It's got a name,
Ron. It's Ron Jeremy.
467
00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:43,799
Hey, weird girl, I don't care if it's
Ron McDonald, I'm staying right here.
468
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:47,479
Give me a reason.
- Okay. Okay. Okay.
469
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:55,199
I'll give you fifty bucks if you go
out there for me. - No thanks.
470
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:59,959
Two hundred. A thousand? Thousand?
Thousand dollars, anyone?
471
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,239
Bundle up.
- Fine.
472
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:09,159
If any of you think you're
working in fuck films again...
473
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:14,079
At least give me something to protect
myself. - There's a shovel out there.
474
00:39:14,160 --> 00:39:17,399
That's all I had when I was
waiting for you to let me in.
475
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:24,039
If I were you I'd hold a tight asshole.
- Couldn't get any tighter.
476
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:40,639
Okay. Whatever the fuck you are.
You want me? Here I am.
477
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:46,519
Just going to the shed to get the axe.
478
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:50,519
That's gonna bobbit
you back to outer space. Yeah.
479
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,079
Hey. I could help you.
480
00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:07,039
I produce movies.
481
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:12,799
I know a lot of women, do pretty kinky
shit for a little coke, what do you say?
482
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:18,439
Ah, fuck you.
483
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:46,319
So it's a trap, huh?
- It's a simulated vagina.
484
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:51,919
They're all traps.
- Nope, no issues there.
485
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,559
Lance, come here for a sec.
486
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:03,239
Hold it right there.
487
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:09,759
Think we'll make it out of here?
- Your guess is as good as mine.
488
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:13,759
This is my first adult film.
All my friends said not to do it.
489
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:18,159
They said I'd get aids. I told them
everyone gets tested now.
490
00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:20,719
Jonah, come take a look at this.
491
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:28,799
That's my light meter.
- Ah. It was your light meter. Walk away.
492
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:35,119
Good, now walk back but faster.
493
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:42,599
How about that, part Boom guy,
part MacGyver.
494
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:46,879
You made a motion sensor
out of a light meter?
495
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:48,999
It's not such a stretch
if you think about it.
496
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:51,959
I mean, what is light but, ah,
electromagnetic motion.
497
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:53,959
I just recalibrated the sensitivity...
498
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:57,199
and installed an audio trip for the beep
from one of my microphones.
499
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:00,319
This is for the kitchen?
- For the kitchen, yes.
500
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:04,199
Now we'll know if it's near, see,
no surprises.
501
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:06,959
Good job.
502
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:20,479
Wanda, you okay?
503
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:23,559
Oh sweet. You my friend are
getting me the fuck out of here.
504
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:29,079
It's empty. God damn it.
505
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:47,519
What the fuck?
506
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:06,679
Hey, Wanda, don't worry,
we're going to make it.
507
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:12,639
That's more than we can say for Angel
and Ron. Even Rock didn't deserve to die.
508
00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:16,159
Well, you haven't known him long enough.
509
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:26,919
That's more like it. I love your laugh,
it's, ah, I don't know, like music.
510
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:28,999
Really?
511
00:44:29,880 --> 00:44:32,559
This may sound kind of stupid and all,
512
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:36,039
but on the bus over here
I was writing a song for you.
513
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:40,519
You were?
- Want to hear it?
514
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:42,159
Yeah.
515
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:47,919
l know a pretty girl named ¤anda
516
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:53,519
She's someone that l'm a¤ully fond-a...
517
00:44:53,720 --> 00:44:56,359
Well, that's all I got so far.
518
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:02,839
When we get home, safe and sound,
if it's okay with you,
519
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:08,319
I'd like to call you up on the phone,
and ask you for a proper date.
520
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,319
I'd like that.
521
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:28,399
Oh, I want to see you.
522
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:32,839
I think I saw a flashlight in the cabinet.
- Oh, yeah, here it is.
523
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:37,319
Thanks. Hey, there doesn't seem
to be a switch on this thing.
524
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:43,359
How are you supposed to turn it on?
- I think you probably have to suck it.
525
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:57,279
Okay, let's do this.
526
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:05,559
T.J., put your stuff in the kitchen.
Mohtz, I got a chair in there for you.
527
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:11,719
It could be a long night. Laura, I'm going
to need the panties you have on.
528
00:46:12,200 --> 00:46:14,919
Uh, okay.
529
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:23,479
Fellas.
530
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:39,559
Sweetheart, I make porn, I don't see what
makes your change purse so special.
531
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,279
You're pretty proud of yourself there,
aren't you?
532
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:48,679
Well, it might not make millions,
but it just might save our lives.
533
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:55,439
This'll do.
- How do you know it's going to show?
534
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:01,479
It'll show.
535
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:06,639
I'm going to watch over the women here.
- Good, sure looks like they need you.
536
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:10,279
Wake me up when it's over.
- Where are Lance and Wanda?
537
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:14,519
I saw them going to the bathroom together.
- Hey, party time.
538
00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:18,359
Fine. Let's leave them alone.
539
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:22,519
Hey, Jonah, I don't think I'm ready
for this. I'm feeling a little jumpy.
540
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:27,239
Yeah, I could use a drink.
- Abracadabra.
541
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:46,359
Home, home on the range, where the...
542
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:51,599
Ah, I forgot the rest of it. Come on man,
don't bogart the whiskey.
543
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:56,479
It makes sense.
- What?
544
00:47:57,160 --> 00:48:02,639
Why it's here, why it chose Earth.
We practically broadcast commercials.
545
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:03,999
English.
546
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:08,599
Think of all the satellite signals we send
out into space on a daily basis.
547
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:12,159
Billions of them, each one saying, ah, hey
folks, Earth here.
548
00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:14,439
Now, of all the broadcasting that goes on,
on the planet,
549
00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:17,719
fifty percent of it's got to be porn.
I mean, that's probably conservative.
550
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:20,519
And of that fifty percent, half of
it's got to feature Ron Jeremy.
551
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:24,759
They were just looking for, ah,
a familiar face. Well, not a face.
552
00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:34,559
That tattoo there on your arm is,
ah, Airborne? - 182nd. Gulf War.
553
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:40,999
405th Infantry, outside Danang.
554
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:45,879
Whole platoon got wiped out,
but it wasn't Charlie.
555
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:50,119
You're shitting me.
Friendly fire killed your whole platoon?
556
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:52,639
No, no, not exactly.
557
00:48:56,200 --> 00:49:00,399
One night me and
the CO are pulling guard duty,
558
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:04,039
and we're sharing a joint, Thai stick.
559
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:09,199
I'm really stoned and, ah, all of
a sudden we see this streak of light.
560
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:16,519
And it looked like it landed maybe
about two clicks, northeast of camp.
561
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:19,679
So, the CO says I'm going to check it out.
562
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:23,559
Go ahead Cap, more dooby for me,
so off he goes.
563
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:29,279
It could have been ten minutes or two
hours, I don't know, I was stoned.
564
00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:32,719
He comes back,
and I noticed he's acting weird.
565
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:37,599
But now, no problem,
it's just the Thai stick kicking in.
566
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:43,959
Well, man, pretty soon he starts jumping
around like his pants are on fire.
567
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:48,199
I'm not shitting you, you know, and he,
off comes his pants, rips them off,
568
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:52,719
he rips his skivvies off, now I got my CO
standing there in front of me,
569
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:56,119
butt naked from the waist down.
570
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:04,279
And then something happened, man,
that boot camp did not prepare me for.
571
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:15,359
This guy's pecker, his dick, ripped itself
off his body and headed for the tent.
572
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:19,639
So, the CO's screamin' like
hell pretty soon I can't hear him,
573
00:50:19,720 --> 00:50:23,639
because the screams
are now coming from the tent.
574
00:50:23,720 --> 00:50:26,519
Wanna know what hell sounds like?
575
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:33,519
I think it sounds like thirty
men getting massacred by a dick.
576
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:38,879
So, ah, I went over and hid
behind a rock for about an hour...
577
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:45,119
and I had to listen to my
whole platoon being murdered.
578
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:50,279
And I heard one guy get a shot off,
but then I heard him getting killed.
579
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:53,799
After it stopped ...
580
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:56,279
I very cautiously, believe me,
581
00:50:56,360 --> 00:51:00,679
crept into the tent to get a radio
to get some air support and...
582
00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:06,799
I see the dick,
lying there on a sleeping bag,
583
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:12,119
and it looks like it's looking back at me,
but it looked you know, fucking weak, man,
584
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:14,519
and it was like in this ah,
you know, shriveled...
585
00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:18,199
What kind of period is that you called it?
- A refractory period.
586
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:20,119
Yeah, yeah.
587
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:23,879
You know, I could have killed it right
then but I was so stoned,
588
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:26,719
I was afraid I'd miss,
and on the other hand,
589
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:29,639
I knew it was just a matter of time before
it would be,
590
00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:32,039
you know, back in action again.
591
00:51:32,320 --> 00:51:35,319
So, without taking my eyes off of it,
592
00:51:35,840 --> 00:51:39,639
I get a radio and I have
them chopper in two Saigon whores.
593
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:45,559
So for the next half hour,
I'm holding my weapon on this dick,
594
00:51:45,640 --> 00:51:50,919
now I figured it won't know I'm stoned, so
he won't jump me, you know.
595
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:54,199
So, chopper arrived just in time,
thank God,
596
00:51:54,280 --> 00:51:58,559
because now the dick
was getting big and hard.
597
00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:02,399
So I tell the two whores, look,
I'll do anything, man.
598
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:04,039
I'll take you to the States,
anything,
599
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:06,959
if you just lie down there
and spread your legs for me.
600
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:08,799
Well, I guess States was the magic word,
601
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:13,359
because you never saw two whores take
their panties off so quick in your life.
602
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:19,399
Now, the dick must have smelled dinner,
because it makes a beeline for the whores.
603
00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:23,439
So, I watch. And I wait. And I watch.
604
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:28,719
Finally, finally, I grabbed it and I went
outside and I threw it in a bunker.
605
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:34,159
God, Jesus Christ, man, about ten seconds
later, out runs about fifteen gooks.
606
00:52:34,240 --> 00:52:39,879
And I could have nailed every one of them,
but no, I made a priority decision.
607
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:44,079
Threw in a grenade.
Fire in the hole, fa-foom!
608
00:52:45,240 --> 00:52:51,039
Well, guess what, now it's raining dick.
Yeah, raining dick.
609
00:52:55,360 --> 00:53:01,159
I crawled into a whiskey bottle
when I got back to the States,
610
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:04,399
and I've been there ever since.
611
00:53:17,120 --> 00:53:22,559
Okay, this thing's ready for action.
- Good, what about you?
612
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:27,239
Well, I'm certainly drunk.
- Good enough.
613
00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:37,279
Hey, if this thing manages to get
out of the kitchen somehow,
614
00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:41,239
the women in that room are sitting ducks.
- Jim's in there.
615
00:53:43,680 --> 00:53:44,999
Right.
616
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:52,519
Rest easy, friend,
man and machine are on the job.
617
00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:56,879
But just in case,
seal us in from the outside.
618
00:53:57,800 --> 00:53:59,559
Good luck.
619
00:54:58,680 --> 00:55:01,279
It moves like an inchworm.
620
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:05,279
Like a nine-inch worm.
621
00:55:07,200 --> 00:55:08,799
Here we go.
622
00:55:09,720 --> 00:55:15,279
Come to Uma. Come on. Come on.
623
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:30,919
When I get out of here,
I'd like to try that.
624
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:35,799
Almost there. Almost.
625
00:55:36,680 --> 00:55:37,719
And ...
626
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,039
Oh shit, oh shit.
627
00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:45,879
No, no, no, no, no, no!
- What's wrong?
628
00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:48,399
Uh, it's crashing,
there's nothing I can do.
629
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:52,879
Damn it!
- Pull it out.
630
00:55:52,960 --> 00:55:55,319
I can't do that.
- Pull it out, fucker!
631
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:59,639
No. - Goddamnit, I said pull it out,
you fucking cocksucking pussy!
632
00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:04,919
Kill the fucker!
- Shit, I fucking missed!
633
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:07,159
Jesus, hurry up again before it gets ...
634
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:12,559
Oh, no, no, no, we keep
forgetting it's Ron Jeremy's dick.
635
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:23,559
Fuck. Kill it!
- It's on your neck.
636
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:26,879
I know that. Kill it!
- I can't do that.
637
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:29,759
Chop my motherfucking head off!
638
00:56:41,720 --> 00:56:44,919
What the fuck? Oh my god,
somebody get me out of here. Please!
639
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:47,679
Please, Jonah, Jim, anybody.
Please, get me out of here!
640
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:51,519
Get me the fuck out of here right now,
please, oh my god, the door!
641
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:54,199
What's going on?
- Hurry, goddamn it.
642
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:56,359
Oh my God.
- Get me the fuck out of here!
643
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:58,839
You trying to get us killed?
- Back off.
644
00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:16,679
What's happening?
- Must be the generator.
645
00:57:16,760 --> 00:57:19,519
It's been working over time,
could be out of gas.
646
00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:22,759
Where the fuck are we going to get gas?
We'll freeze to death.
647
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:25,559
I got an extra five-gallon
gas can in my truck.
648
00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:29,159
I'll do it.
649
00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:32,239
Oh, you will?
When did you grow balls?
650
00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:34,279
Well, someone's got to
stay and protect them.
651
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:38,439
If that thing gets through this door, I'm
gonna be too busy shitting in my pants.
652
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:40,199
Okay, let's go.
653
00:57:54,800 --> 00:57:58,559
Guys, guys, I'm okay now,
you can open the door.
654
00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:00,399
What the hell?
655
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:04,519
Seriously guys, I'm fine, come on, please
open the door. I'm stuck in here.
656
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:06,119
No.
- What?
657
00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:09,599
I don't think that's T.J. talking.
- Who is it?
658
00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:14,199
It's that thing.
Must be animating him or something.
659
00:58:14,280 --> 00:58:16,839
Come on, guys, open the door.
660
00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:24,999
It's in his ass, it's running him from
his ass. What do you want from us?
661
00:58:25,080 --> 00:58:27,399
I want you to open the door.
- Who are you?
662
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:30,719
Open the door.
- Fuck you.
663
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:32,919
You will not survive.
664
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:36,919
What the hell?
665
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:45,239
Son of a bitch.
666
00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:48,399
I'm going to be sick.
I'm going to be sick.
667
00:58:48,840 --> 00:58:50,519
Oh, oh, oh.
668
01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:12,159
Come on, come on.
669
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:48,079
Oh, oh, oh.
670
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:22,039
This isn't over. We just need to
keep warm until the snow melts.
671
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:29,079
They know we're out here.
Someone will come get us.
672
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:35,599
Who are you trying to convince?
673
01:01:39,360 --> 01:01:40,519
No.
674
01:01:41,200 --> 01:01:47,679
Take it. I went to boot camp in Alaska.
I learned to ignore the cold.
675
01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:02,439
Boy, you know, it's really cold
when you can see the heat.
676
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:07,759
You mean your breath.
- No, over there.
677
01:02:08,600 --> 01:02:11,839
Where?
- It's coming from the floor.
678
01:02:24,560 --> 01:02:27,399
Give me a flashlight.
679
01:02:31,760 --> 01:02:34,119
I'll be damned.
- What is it?
680
01:02:34,440 --> 01:02:37,199
Must be an underground passageway.
681
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:41,359
There's a ladder that comes
right up to the floor here.
682
01:02:41,440 --> 01:02:43,879
Got to be ten degrees
warmer down there, too.
683
01:02:43,960 --> 01:02:47,079
Where does it go?
- I don't know.
684
01:02:47,360 --> 01:02:52,759
What did that bus driver say?
We're on an old army base, right? - Right.
685
01:02:53,080 --> 01:02:56,679
I wonder if these cabins are connected,
and maybe ...
686
01:02:56,760 --> 01:03:00,359
We can get to the radio control tower.
- I said maybe.
687
01:03:00,440 --> 01:03:03,879
And even if we did,
we don't know if it still works.
688
01:03:03,960 --> 01:03:08,999
But at least we won't freeze to death,
or be sitting ducks for that thing.
689
01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:12,279
It's not a thing.
690
01:03:12,360 --> 01:03:15,839
Yes, it is. Now listen to me, Ron's dead.
691
01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:18,919
You can go around to the side
of the cabin and see for yourself.
692
01:03:19,000 --> 01:03:24,399
I know you dug him, and that may be his
dick out there, but it's a mass murderer.
693
01:03:25,320 --> 01:03:31,879
What about Veronica?
We can't just leave her here all alone.
694
01:03:35,800 --> 01:03:39,079
Get my light meter off the kitchen table.
695
01:03:57,200 --> 01:03:59,319
Okay, we're ready.
696
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:06,039
Help me.
- Grab her legs. I got it. Ready?
697
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:16,519
Got her?
- Yeah.
698
01:04:23,400 --> 01:04:26,279
Radio tower should be this way. Let's go.
699
01:04:45,880 --> 01:04:47,399
Hold on.
700
01:04:48,560 --> 01:04:50,439
How much further?
701
01:04:53,080 --> 01:04:58,279
I don't know. Maybe one hundred,
two hundred yards?
702
01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:04,199
What's that?
703
01:05:06,480 --> 01:05:09,599
Maybe nothing. Stand still.
704
01:05:13,280 --> 01:05:14,639
Shit.
- What?
705
01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:16,679
Something's coming.
706
01:05:22,400 --> 01:05:24,119
It's a rat.
707
01:05:27,960 --> 01:05:30,879
Strange, looks kind of dead.
708
01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:41,399
Let's go.
709
01:06:06,960 --> 01:06:09,679
This has to be it.
710
01:06:22,560 --> 01:06:24,439
Get her up, get her up.
711
01:06:40,280 --> 01:06:43,239
All right. Let's go. I got her.
712
01:07:04,920 --> 01:07:06,639
Here goes nothing.
713
01:07:09,440 --> 01:07:11,759
Mayday, Mayday. If anyone can hear me.
714
01:07:11,840 --> 01:07:13,679
There are three of us on
top of Lookout Mountain.
715
01:07:13,760 --> 01:07:17,599
One of us is seriously injured and we're
stuck in the snow. Six others are dead.
716
01:07:17,680 --> 01:07:19,119
We're being stalked by a ...
717
01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:28,279
Are you out of your fucking mind,
you just killed us.
718
01:07:28,360 --> 01:07:30,519
Maybe not.
719
01:07:35,240 --> 01:07:37,199
How long you been awake?
720
01:07:37,280 --> 01:07:41,799
I heard your Mayday-call.
Oh, oh. Who's in me?
721
01:07:43,040 --> 01:07:46,079
You have a tampon, you were hemorrhaging.
722
01:07:48,760 --> 01:07:53,919
What is that?
- It's Ron's dick, minus Ron.
723
01:07:54,400 --> 01:08:00,319
What? Is Ron okay?
- Not really. He's dead.
724
01:08:01,920 --> 01:08:07,039
Oh, oh, oh, my God. Oh God. Oh.
725
01:08:18,880 --> 01:08:23,159
Kids, did I ever tell you
what I can do with my keggles.
726
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:25,839
Your what?
- They don't call it a trap for nothing.
727
01:08:25,920 --> 01:08:30,239
But I call it my C-clamp. Trust me.
I can stop a bullet with it.
728
01:08:31,080 --> 01:08:35,119
The banging stopped.
Do you think he went away?
729
01:08:35,200 --> 01:08:38,399
It's probably got a headache.
730
01:08:38,600 --> 01:08:42,439
But I can bring him back.
731
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:46,319
Ron could never resist me.
732
01:08:46,680 --> 01:08:49,639
Yeah, well,
he almost killed you last time.
733
01:08:49,920 --> 01:08:54,279
But this time I'll be ready for him.
- No. No.
734
01:09:01,400 --> 01:09:03,199
Go on now.
735
01:09:03,280 --> 01:09:07,639
In a few days, we'll meet at the Burgandy
Room, have drinks and laugh about this.
736
01:09:11,440 --> 01:09:12,759
Go on.
737
01:09:15,960 --> 01:09:18,359
Anybody see it?
738
01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:21,759
I do.
739
01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:33,319
Sweet Mother of God.
740
01:09:40,640 --> 01:09:42,519
Jonah. Get it!
741
01:09:46,320 --> 01:09:47,719
Hit it!
742
01:09:50,400 --> 01:09:51,719
Jonah!
743
01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:09,559
Enough. If there's any part of Ron
left in you, this is what you want.
744
01:10:12,040 --> 01:10:14,159
Smell good?
745
01:10:14,320 --> 01:10:16,879
You bet your ass it does.
746
01:10:19,120 --> 01:10:22,759
That's it. Get it and come.
747
01:10:25,280 --> 01:10:28,599
Oh, good.
748
01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:33,119
You're good. How about a little massage?
749
01:10:33,200 --> 01:10:37,399
Oh that's it.
Good, oh baby.
750
01:10:37,480 --> 01:10:40,839
Come on. Oh, oh, oh. Come on.
751
01:10:48,880 --> 01:10:51,559
It wants to come.
- How do you know?
752
01:10:51,920 --> 01:10:55,599
Can't fuck a guy two thousand times,
and not know a thing like that.
753
01:10:55,680 --> 01:10:58,119
Go on, kill it.
- Okay.
754
01:10:58,720 --> 01:11:00,839
What are you doing?
755
01:11:00,920 --> 01:11:05,079
I'm clamping down its head,
preventing it from coming.
756
01:11:05,160 --> 01:11:07,839
It's gonna explode.
I thought you were going to kill it.
757
01:11:07,920 --> 01:11:11,359
I'm going to kill it.
But I'm checking out, too.
758
01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:13,199
What? Why?
759
01:11:13,280 --> 01:11:17,799
Because the world's no place for
senior citizens. - You're forty-seven.
760
01:11:17,880 --> 01:11:22,319
Yeah, but in porn star years
it's more like a hundred and three.
761
01:11:22,400 --> 01:11:25,759
And I am a porn star.
762
01:11:27,680 --> 01:11:31,759
Get out of here.
- Oh my God, it's going to explode.
763
01:11:31,840 --> 01:11:34,759
Veronica, let it come.
764
01:11:35,320 --> 01:11:38,999
Hurry. Oh, oh, oh.
765
01:12:43,680 --> 01:12:48,479
Where are we?
- Toolshed.
766
01:12:52,800 --> 01:12:54,479
How?
767
01:12:54,560 --> 01:12:58,919
Snow melted enough, for me
to carry you down the mountain.
768
01:12:59,560 --> 01:13:01,759
Thanks to that.
769
01:13:08,400 --> 01:13:09,959
Rain.
770
01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:12,119
Not rain.
771
01:13:15,560 --> 01:13:17,039
Ron.
772
01:13:18,305 --> 01:13:24,327
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