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1
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There's an old saying:
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"Why buy the cow
when you can get the milk for free?"
3
00:00:29,907 --> 00:00:34,154
It's a fascinating philosophical query,
marriage versus sex.
4
00:00:34,328 --> 00:00:36,404
And if you're considering the former...
5
00:00:36,580 --> 00:00:38,656
...odds are you'll hear the saying
from a friend...
6
00:00:38,749 --> 00:00:41,750
...who claims to be getting
an abundant amount of the latter.
7
00:00:44,296 --> 00:00:46,965
And incidentally, it's bullshit.
8
00:00:47,132 --> 00:00:49,540
Bullshit. You think this is bullshit.
9
00:00:51,970 --> 00:00:54,639
- Yeah.
- Well, it isn't.
10
00:00:54,723 --> 00:00:58,008
After five years, I think
I have the right to broach the subject.
11
00:00:58,101 --> 00:00:59,299
So you broach and we talk.
12
00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:01,684
You don't have to go
and give me an ultimatum.
13
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:05,147
Don't use that word. I hate that word.
14
00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:09,359
I'm not too fond of it either,
but what else would you call this?
15
00:01:09,946 --> 00:01:11,274
A deadline.
16
00:01:49,316 --> 00:01:50,645
So I'm a little indecisive.
17
00:01:50,734 --> 00:01:53,225
That doesn't mean you have to hold
a gun to my head.
18
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,609
- Sorry.
- Don't be so melodramatic.
19
00:01:55,697 --> 00:01:57,405
That's why I'm taking this transfer.
20
00:01:57,491 --> 00:02:00,326
I'll be 3,000 miles away.
I can't hold a gun to your head.
21
00:02:00,410 --> 00:02:03,446
- Stop saying that!
- Shit.
22
00:02:04,414 --> 00:02:09,455
Admit it. You're using this transfer thing
as an ultim... Deadline.
23
00:02:10,795 --> 00:02:15,172
Okay. So I wouldn't have signed up for it
if you hadn't freaked on Tyler's news.
24
00:02:16,259 --> 00:02:17,207
Hello.
25
00:02:17,301 --> 00:02:19,377
David! What's up, what's up?
26
00:02:22,014 --> 00:02:24,220
Tyler, you are wasted. Sarah.
27
00:02:24,934 --> 00:02:27,056
Damn. How'd you know, my brother?
28
00:02:27,436 --> 00:02:30,639
- The faux urban street slang.
- Nigger, please!
29
00:02:30,731 --> 00:02:35,108
- What time is it back there, like 2:00?
- You know this city never sleeps.
30
00:02:35,193 --> 00:02:37,352
Y'all be counting on your sheep.
31
00:02:37,529 --> 00:02:41,823
Listen, man,
I met the most amazing woman.
32
00:02:41,992 --> 00:02:43,699
- She is...
- Fly?
33
00:02:43,868 --> 00:02:45,742
Better than fly. She's super fly.
34
00:02:45,828 --> 00:02:49,114
What did I tell you about drinking and
dating? Go to bed and sleep her off.
35
00:02:49,207 --> 00:02:50,665
We're getting married!
36
00:02:51,501 --> 00:02:52,876
What?
37
00:02:53,461 --> 00:02:56,034
You got to meet her, you and Sarah.
She's like...
38
00:02:56,213 --> 00:02:59,463
- Super fly?
- Better than super fly, man.
39
00:02:59,633 --> 00:03:01,211
She's the one.
40
00:03:01,385 --> 00:03:04,968
You know how they say
that you can just tell? David?
41
00:03:05,430 --> 00:03:07,553
You still there, bitch?
42
00:03:07,641 --> 00:03:12,101
- Yeah, I'm here. I'm just...
- This is it, man. It just hit me.
43
00:03:12,270 --> 00:03:16,766
It was like a blinding realisation.
Like pure truth.
44
00:03:17,817 --> 00:03:21,685
Anyway, you and Sarah got to meet her.
You're gonna love her. Her name's Julie.
45
00:03:21,779 --> 00:03:24,151
She's sweet, she's beautiful...
46
00:03:24,824 --> 00:03:26,982
...she's "chocolicious"...
47
00:03:28,452 --> 00:03:31,786
Tyler? Hello! Tyler, you okay?
48
00:03:37,586 --> 00:03:38,997
Sounds like true love.
49
00:03:40,088 --> 00:03:43,422
So you are leaving me alone
to deal with this for two months.
50
00:03:43,592 --> 00:03:46,083
You need to be alone to deal with this.
51
00:03:46,261 --> 00:03:49,760
Which is why I strongly advise you
against consulting with Mike.
52
00:03:54,060 --> 00:03:57,678
Bellissimo. Magnifico.
53
00:03:59,190 --> 00:04:02,191
You are so hot!
54
00:04:03,402 --> 00:04:04,316
You beast.
55
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:07,522
Is that Ricky Martin over there?
56
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,024
God, no. It's Mike Hanson.
57
00:04:12,244 --> 00:04:17,321
You're beautiful. Modesty, now. Modesty.
58
00:04:17,499 --> 00:04:20,037
I love you. No words.
59
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:29,673
No, I'm not. Yes, I am.
Don't do it. I'm doing it.
60
00:04:29,761 --> 00:04:31,041
Don't do it.
61
00:04:31,888 --> 00:04:33,050
I did it.
62
00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:44,354
I'd do me.
63
00:04:45,484 --> 00:04:49,149
- Oh, man! The "testy" tuck again?
- Do you like what you see?
64
00:04:51,156 --> 00:04:53,362
- No?
- Would you put on some clothes?
65
00:04:53,533 --> 00:04:55,526
We only got two hours
of "Happy Hour" left.
66
00:04:55,619 --> 00:04:57,576
Let me just get my towel, okay?
67
00:04:59,789 --> 00:05:02,245
Got it. There we go.
68
00:05:02,584 --> 00:05:05,419
You got issues, I mean, real issues.
69
00:05:06,296 --> 00:05:09,415
He may be your friend,
but he's no Deepak Chopra.
70
00:05:09,507 --> 00:05:11,914
He is also not running off to New York.
71
00:05:13,511 --> 00:05:18,054
Use this time to make an informed
decision or none of this'll mean anything.
72
00:05:18,224 --> 00:05:20,430
I can't let this not mean anything.
73
00:05:37,826 --> 00:05:39,783
So you love her, right?
74
00:05:39,869 --> 00:05:42,277
- Of course I love her.
- There you go.
75
00:05:42,914 --> 00:05:44,953
Let's not get carried away here, guys.
76
00:05:45,041 --> 00:05:48,125
No one's doubting your love for each other.
77
00:05:48,294 --> 00:05:50,666
A blind man could smell your love.
78
00:05:50,838 --> 00:05:53,245
- But this is a major...
- Huge.
79
00:05:53,424 --> 00:05:56,875
No, colossal, thing you're considering here.
80
00:05:57,428 --> 00:06:00,263
As your friend,
it's my duty to ask the tough questions.
81
00:06:00,347 --> 00:06:02,386
- What?
- Sex.
82
00:06:03,183 --> 00:06:06,137
- Sex is still good?
- The sex is awesome.
83
00:06:06,228 --> 00:06:09,145
I've got no complaints
about what we have.
84
00:06:09,230 --> 00:06:10,974
It would be a lot easier if I did.
85
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:12,892
It's got to be something.
You waited five years.
86
00:06:13,067 --> 00:06:15,819
- So what is it?
- It's nothing. Let's drop it.
87
00:06:15,904 --> 00:06:20,446
We're your friends. We want to help you.
But we can't do it unless you let us in!
88
00:06:20,533 --> 00:06:22,110
It's no one thing!
89
00:06:22,201 --> 00:06:24,657
There's a lot of factors
in these kind of situations.
90
00:06:24,745 --> 00:06:29,656
- So what is it? Give us one.
- Other women, all right?
91
00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:31,541
You've had other women? How many?
92
00:06:33,587 --> 00:06:36,256
I'm not quite sure that I've had enough.
93
00:06:36,423 --> 00:06:40,919
- That's ridiculous. How many is enough?
- Twice your age.
94
00:06:41,094 --> 00:06:44,095
It's not about quantity, it's about quality.
95
00:06:44,264 --> 00:06:46,933
What's wrong with going
for both quality and quantity?
96
00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:50,266
Being the best he can be,
that's the American way.
97
00:06:53,731 --> 00:06:54,976
Foul.
98
00:06:55,066 --> 00:06:56,394
- Foul?
- It's foul.
99
00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:59,485
- What foul?
- Humping before the shot.
100
00:06:59,695 --> 00:07:01,688
- I was humping you?
- Prison-style.
101
00:07:01,906 --> 00:07:04,029
Whatever. If I was humping you,
you'd know it.
102
00:07:04,325 --> 00:07:05,819
- Would I?
- Yeah, you'd know it.
103
00:07:05,909 --> 00:07:07,819
You'd feel it. I wasn't humping you.
104
00:07:07,911 --> 00:07:09,703
- Deep, right?
- Yep.
105
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,456
A little help?
106
00:07:24,802 --> 00:07:27,720
The thing is,
I never expected to feel empowered.
107
00:07:28,473 --> 00:07:31,308
For better, for worse,
something is set into motion...
108
00:07:31,392 --> 00:07:34,975
...and I set it off.
Am I a manipulative bitch or what?
109
00:07:35,271 --> 00:07:36,765
Welcome to my world.
110
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:40,307
You should feel empowered.
It wasn't easy, but it had to be done.
111
00:07:40,401 --> 00:07:42,689
What was the alternative, to keep waiting?
112
00:07:42,778 --> 00:07:46,277
It's not like the sex gets better
with every passing year. Am I right?
113
00:07:47,908 --> 00:07:50,659
I'm sorry that was so quick.
I'm kind of beat.
114
00:07:50,744 --> 00:07:53,413
That's okay.
Orgasms are overrated anyway.
115
00:07:53,622 --> 00:07:55,116
Hey, South Park is on.
116
00:07:55,665 --> 00:07:59,034
You had the courage
to look him in the eye and say:
117
00:07:59,127 --> 00:08:01,914
"Buddy boy,
it's time to shit or get off the pot."
118
00:08:02,005 --> 00:08:05,171
And marrying me would be the "shit" part
of that colourful analogy?
119
00:08:05,258 --> 00:08:06,171
Thanks.
120
00:08:13,432 --> 00:08:15,757
I'm sorry, I don't get it. Sarah is hot.
121
00:08:15,851 --> 00:08:19,184
Behind every good-looking chick is a guy
who's tired of nailing her.
122
00:08:19,563 --> 00:08:22,398
- Am I right, Davey?
- No, you're wrong, asshole.
123
00:08:22,482 --> 00:08:26,231
So who's missing from your repertoire:
Cowgirls, wilder chicks, the Amish, what?
124
00:08:26,319 --> 00:08:29,106
It's not like that.
Let's just drop it, all right?
125
00:08:32,534 --> 00:08:36,448
- Do you guys believe in "the one"?
- As in one soul mate?
126
00:08:36,537 --> 00:08:38,744
The perfect match that completes us,
makes us whole?
127
00:08:38,831 --> 00:08:40,907
- Exactly.
- Hell, no.
128
00:08:41,083 --> 00:08:43,954
I don't know. But if there's such a thing
and Sarah's it...
129
00:08:44,128 --> 00:08:48,291
...then that means it's inevitable.
It's a lock, right? It's like destiny.
130
00:08:49,008 --> 00:08:50,288
I guess so.
131
00:08:50,801 --> 00:08:56,008
Okay. So, if it's inevitable,
why rush into it?
132
00:08:57,182 --> 00:09:01,132
- You're still not telling us everything.
- Of course, I'm not. You're my friends.
133
00:09:01,728 --> 00:09:05,311
- It's stupid, it's stupid.
- Come on, help us help you.
134
00:09:05,398 --> 00:09:06,892
Please, man.
135
00:09:12,113 --> 00:09:16,157
Okay. I'm going to tell you guys
a little story.
136
00:09:16,492 --> 00:09:20,572
I have never told anyone this before. Ever.
137
00:09:27,086 --> 00:09:29,078
When I was 18 years old...
138
00:09:29,922 --> 00:09:32,922
...my family and I were flying home...
139
00:09:33,008 --> 00:09:36,840
...from a vacation we took
in the Caribbean. It was a fun time.
140
00:09:38,221 --> 00:09:40,677
Very nice beaches. Club Med.
141
00:09:49,107 --> 00:09:51,016
We were in line to get on board...
142
00:09:51,192 --> 00:09:54,691
...when I happened to glance over
to the gate across from us...
143
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:58,990
...and that's when I saw her.
144
00:10:03,579 --> 00:10:08,157
She glowed.
It was like a light all around her.
145
00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:10,743
It was blinding.
146
00:10:13,922 --> 00:10:17,836
I swear I have never felt anything
that powerful before or since.
147
00:10:19,135 --> 00:10:21,293
Something about her sucked me
away from the plane...
148
00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:23,261
...and drew me right back to her.
149
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:26,849
There she was.
150
00:10:29,812 --> 00:10:32,896
With strength I wish I still possessed...
151
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:35,223
...I floated towards her.
152
00:10:37,319 --> 00:10:40,486
I introduced myself and told her how I felt.
153
00:10:43,784 --> 00:10:45,159
I gave her my address...
154
00:10:45,243 --> 00:10:48,577
...and told her if she felt it too,
she should write.
155
00:10:53,543 --> 00:10:55,251
Young blood had him some balls.
156
00:10:55,420 --> 00:10:58,374
I had no choice.
I was being driven by a higher power.
157
00:10:58,548 --> 00:11:02,296
Call it "the lightning bolt,"
call it a connection, destiny, whatever.
158
00:11:02,385 --> 00:11:04,626
- So did she write you?
- Not at first.
159
00:11:07,765 --> 00:11:11,015
Every day I'd check that mailbox.
160
00:11:11,769 --> 00:11:14,010
I checked all that summer, and nothing.
161
00:11:16,815 --> 00:11:20,184
Then one day, it came.
162
00:11:29,661 --> 00:11:33,195
It was more than I could've hoped for.
She professed her love to me.
163
00:11:33,289 --> 00:11:35,661
She said that she, too,
got a jolt down her spine...
164
00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:37,292
...that glorious day we first met.
165
00:11:37,376 --> 00:11:40,128
It was more beautiful and poetic
than she was...
166
00:11:40,212 --> 00:11:42,584
...which I didn't think was possible
at the time.
167
00:11:45,134 --> 00:11:46,794
I immediately wrote her back.
168
00:11:46,885 --> 00:11:49,637
I told her that I wanted us
to run away together...
169
00:11:49,805 --> 00:11:53,387
...make love under the stars. Make babies.
170
00:11:56,811 --> 00:11:59,053
It was clear to both of us.
171
00:12:00,065 --> 00:12:03,729
We belonged together.
172
00:12:04,110 --> 00:12:07,313
No fear, no doubt.
173
00:12:08,156 --> 00:12:11,192
- Perfect.
- Young love.
174
00:12:11,659 --> 00:12:13,865
Too young. As it turned out.
175
00:12:21,418 --> 00:12:24,419
Apparently she was an amazingly...
176
00:12:24,922 --> 00:12:26,499
...hyper-developed 11-year-old girl.
177
00:12:27,132 --> 00:12:28,412
- What?
- Eleven?
178
00:12:28,675 --> 00:12:30,418
Her parents found my letters and...
179
00:12:30,510 --> 00:12:33,961
...quite understandably freaked out.
180
00:12:35,098 --> 00:12:37,505
They contacted our local authorities...
181
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:41,099
...who swiftly moved in to stop
the town's budding paedophile.
182
00:12:41,437 --> 00:12:45,055
They made my father promise that
his sicko son...
183
00:12:45,149 --> 00:12:47,640
...would cease contact
with any more little girls.
184
00:12:47,735 --> 00:12:50,652
They left him to scream at me
for over an hour about...
185
00:12:50,738 --> 00:12:54,866
...how I could flush any chances
of a political career down the toilet.
186
00:12:56,827 --> 00:13:00,160
- That's a fucked up story, man.
- You're the only people I've ever told.
187
00:13:00,497 --> 00:13:04,660
Can you keep it that way?
It makes you seem kind of creepy.
188
00:13:10,673 --> 00:13:11,918
David Collins Graphics.
189
00:13:12,217 --> 00:13:15,052
- Hey.
- Sarah, hey, how are you?
190
00:13:15,345 --> 00:13:17,503
I just thought I'd call
and see how you were.
191
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:20,301
I'm fine. How are you? How's New York?
192
00:13:20,391 --> 00:13:25,017
Busy. But the city is so incredible.
I wish you were here with me. Oops, shit.
193
00:13:25,813 --> 00:13:27,604
"Oops, shit," what? Why "Oops, shit"?
194
00:13:27,690 --> 00:13:30,097
I made a list of all the things
I wasn't going to...
195
00:13:30,192 --> 00:13:32,647
...say to you like, "I miss you.
I wish you were here."
196
00:13:32,736 --> 00:13:33,934
So how are you?
197
00:13:34,196 --> 00:13:37,031
Miss you. Wish you were here, all that.
198
00:13:39,117 --> 00:13:40,528
I talked to Tyler.
199
00:13:40,827 --> 00:13:44,113
He and I are going to try
to get together for dinner.
200
00:13:44,414 --> 00:13:46,323
So maybe I'll get to meet the fiancee.
201
00:13:46,416 --> 00:13:49,167
Great. Be sure and thank them
for ruining my life.
202
00:13:52,755 --> 00:13:55,839
Listen, I just wanted to let you know
that I made it here okay.
203
00:13:56,425 --> 00:13:58,750
Oh. Is that it?
204
00:13:58,844 --> 00:14:03,056
Well, I got to get back to work.
So I should go.
205
00:14:03,557 --> 00:14:06,511
Yeah, me, too.
206
00:14:09,438 --> 00:14:12,889
Okay. 'Bye, David.
207
00:14:22,116 --> 00:14:24,109
I'm just saying,
it's been a week and a half now...
208
00:14:24,285 --> 00:14:26,954
...and all you've done is sit around
the apartment. It's no good.
209
00:14:27,538 --> 00:14:30,029
She wants me to give the situation
serious thought...
210
00:14:30,124 --> 00:14:33,409
...that's exactly what I'm trying to do.
Finish it, Tiny!
211
00:14:34,628 --> 00:14:37,463
And how's that working out so far?
Been doing a lot of thinking?
212
00:14:37,548 --> 00:14:40,039
No! You are useless!
213
00:14:43,095 --> 00:14:46,179
- What was that? He can't do that.
- Actually, I think he can.
214
00:14:46,807 --> 00:14:48,515
She wants me to make
an informed decision...
215
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:49,845
...and I'm gonna respect that.
216
00:14:49,935 --> 00:14:52,307
No, what she wants is for you
to wallow around your apartment...
217
00:14:52,395 --> 00:14:56,179
...like some socially-retarded hermit.
Ante up. Who do you like?
218
00:14:56,399 --> 00:14:59,850
- Give me $5 on Super Thong.
- I'm gonna take the one with the nice rack.
219
00:15:01,404 --> 00:15:05,947
She is banking on your misery, bro,
hoping you'll sit around bumming out.
220
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,368
That's got to hurt.
221
00:15:08,452 --> 00:15:11,453
And that, my friend,
is how you make an uninformed decision.
222
00:15:12,998 --> 00:15:15,406
You want to make
a truly informed decision?
223
00:15:15,584 --> 00:15:17,956
Get off your ass and
go see what it's like out there.
224
00:15:18,045 --> 00:15:19,325
Get in the game.
225
00:15:19,421 --> 00:15:22,754
The game? I.e. Hitting
the meat market clubs with you.
226
00:15:23,049 --> 00:15:26,299
No. Hitting them with me and Jonesy.
227
00:15:29,514 --> 00:15:31,921
There are some major fundamental
problems I have with...
228
00:15:32,016 --> 00:15:34,887
..."Why buy the cow when you can get
the milk for free?" conundrum.
229
00:15:37,522 --> 00:15:40,191
For one thing, women are not cows.
230
00:15:40,358 --> 00:15:43,524
And by that I mean, not so generic.
231
00:15:43,694 --> 00:15:45,687
I think most reasonable people
would agree...
232
00:15:45,863 --> 00:15:50,655
...that a cow is a cow is a cow.
This is not true of women.
233
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,700
Things might be simpler if it were.
234
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:05,705
- Yo, Mike!
- Excuse me.
235
00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:07,295
Scotch.
236
00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:09,965
- It's packed.
- Yeah, busy.
237
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,462
- Thank you.
- Excuse me.
238
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:15,805
You might have offered to help me.
239
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:19,184
If you please? A beer for my friend?
240
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,855
Thank you.
I'm sorry to do this to you, but I got to go.
241
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,484
- Hey, asshole, what is your problem?
- You shouldn't drink anymore.
242
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:30,570
- Why shouldn't I? I just got here.
- Because you're driving me home.
243
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,989
- Oh, God.
- Oh, God.
244
00:16:40,248 --> 00:16:42,240
- Hey.
- Buy you a drink?
245
00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:45,916
- Actually, I'm think I'm gonna leave.
- You aren't married, are you?
246
00:16:46,087 --> 00:16:48,756
- Not yet. You better hurry, though.
- Another round.
247
00:16:49,215 --> 00:16:51,338
- Did Mikey show?
- Yes.
248
00:16:53,761 --> 00:16:55,634
Cute. How'd he play?
249
00:16:55,763 --> 00:16:59,630
Actually, I think he used the
"You're less than nothing to me" strategy.
250
00:17:01,935 --> 00:17:03,928
It never fails, man.
251
00:17:05,313 --> 00:17:08,433
- You miss her, huh?
- Are you kidding?
252
00:17:08,733 --> 00:17:12,149
Surrounded by all these available women?
More than ever.
253
00:17:13,446 --> 00:17:15,937
I know the feeling, only worse.
254
00:17:16,324 --> 00:17:20,024
Imagine feeling like that in this place
without having anybody to miss.
255
00:17:23,331 --> 00:17:24,493
How you doing?
256
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,288
You ready to go?
257
00:17:30,838 --> 00:17:33,708
Okay, so you had a close encounter
with something.
258
00:17:33,799 --> 00:17:35,791
You saw the light in the airport.
259
00:17:35,968 --> 00:17:38,541
And 10 years later,
it's still messing with your head.
260
00:17:38,637 --> 00:17:41,044
It was important.
It set the bar for me on some level.
261
00:17:41,139 --> 00:17:42,088
Is that so bad?
262
00:17:42,182 --> 00:17:44,340
It's bad if it keeps you from hooking up
with a woman...
263
00:17:44,434 --> 00:17:47,803
...who's attractive, smart,
and of legal, consenting age.
264
00:17:48,104 --> 00:17:50,595
What if she's still out there?
Don't I owe it to myself...
265
00:17:50,690 --> 00:17:51,721
...to try and find her?
266
00:17:51,816 --> 00:17:53,725
You're hunting Sasquatch.
267
00:17:54,318 --> 00:17:57,937
- See. There she is.
- The shadow lady?
268
00:17:58,322 --> 00:18:00,114
She's a Sasquatch?
269
00:18:00,283 --> 00:18:03,153
She's a myth. The perfect woman.
270
00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:06,789
A figment of our dumb-ass
male imagination.
271
00:18:06,914 --> 00:18:10,080
Slap a face on the shadow bitch,
and she ceases to be perfect...
272
00:18:10,626 --> 00:18:12,168
...because she becomes real.
273
00:18:18,425 --> 00:18:22,718
- So what exactly is all this crap?
- It's market research.
274
00:18:23,179 --> 00:18:26,346
Insurance for the creatives who came up
with this shitty campaign.
275
00:18:26,933 --> 00:18:29,091
If I can coerce a focus group...
276
00:18:29,185 --> 00:18:31,261
...to say that a picture of
an anorexic model...
277
00:18:31,354 --> 00:18:33,430
...bottle-feeding two large men
in diapers...
278
00:18:33,522 --> 00:18:36,974
...makes them want to buy a pair of jeans,
then I've done my job.
279
00:18:37,068 --> 00:18:39,523
That is a twisted way to make a living.
280
00:18:39,612 --> 00:18:42,233
I know.
But at least it's the fashion biz, right?
281
00:18:42,323 --> 00:18:44,280
So why don't you just move here?
282
00:18:45,909 --> 00:18:49,741
- I don't know. Maybe I will.
- Who is that?
283
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:55,540
- It's Mr. Hahn. My boss.
- And you get paid?
284
00:18:55,627 --> 00:18:57,251
Look at it mathematically.
285
00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:01,417
If just one person hooks up with somebody
who isn't their soul mate...
286
00:19:01,716 --> 00:19:05,548
...you got a chain reaction that
screws it up for everybody on the planet.
287
00:19:05,636 --> 00:19:08,721
Your soul mate ends up with someone
else's who settles for someone else's...
288
00:19:08,889 --> 00:19:11,048
Which makes it all the more important
to find the right person.
289
00:19:11,225 --> 00:19:13,716
It's a glass-half-empty,
glass-half-full scenario.
290
00:19:13,894 --> 00:19:17,061
If you ask me, the glass is half full of crap.
291
00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:19,147
You sure you don't want any
late night eats?
292
00:19:19,233 --> 00:19:20,976
No. I'm out of here. Take care, man.
293
00:19:32,412 --> 00:19:34,654
- You got a problem?
- How's the chili?
294
00:19:34,747 --> 00:19:36,621
I'd give my right arm for a bowl.
295
00:19:40,711 --> 00:19:42,751
I'll hand that... I'll have that.
296
00:20:20,791 --> 00:20:23,709
Oh, my God. My God, that was the glow.
297
00:20:23,878 --> 00:20:26,368
That was the feeling you got in the airport.
It's happening again.
298
00:20:26,630 --> 00:20:28,539
I'm gonna do this. Can you do this?
299
00:20:28,632 --> 00:20:30,957
You've done it before,
you can do it again. Go!
300
00:20:31,051 --> 00:20:35,547
I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do this.
Can you? Can you?
301
00:20:36,598 --> 00:20:38,176
Don't let her get away.
302
00:20:44,314 --> 00:20:47,564
- Where did she go? Where did that girl go?
- What's your problem?
303
00:20:48,151 --> 00:20:50,642
She left, crap sack.
304
00:20:57,076 --> 00:20:58,238
Creep.
305
00:21:01,372 --> 00:21:03,578
Wait up! Stop! Stop!
306
00:21:04,416 --> 00:21:07,832
Stop! Wait up! Don't go! Don't!
307
00:21:20,348 --> 00:21:22,803
Quick Match Personals. May I help you?
308
00:21:22,892 --> 00:21:25,348
I'd like to place a personal ad.
309
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,927
I'm sorry, can you please speak up?
310
00:21:28,022 --> 00:21:31,972
A personal ad.
I want to place a personal...
311
00:21:36,822 --> 00:21:38,945
Hello. Is anyone there?
312
00:21:40,450 --> 00:21:41,613
Hello?
313
00:21:42,619 --> 00:21:47,281
I'm sorry. I dropped the phone. I'm here.
This is my first time.
314
00:21:49,459 --> 00:21:51,037
Okay. Here goes.
315
00:21:54,547 --> 00:21:56,089
Wanted...
316
00:21:57,633 --> 00:21:59,543
...soul mate.
317
00:21:59,719 --> 00:22:04,796
Potential soul mate looking
for his soul mate.
318
00:22:05,182 --> 00:22:07,139
You, soul-mate material.
319
00:22:07,226 --> 00:22:10,227
Me, open, intelligent, and...
320
00:22:11,271 --> 00:22:12,351
Soul-matey?
321
00:22:13,399 --> 00:22:14,015
Yes.
322
00:22:31,165 --> 00:22:33,703
Who's dead? Somebody better be dead.
323
00:22:33,793 --> 00:22:36,366
Hey, Tyler, it's Mikey. Did I wake you?
324
00:22:36,546 --> 00:22:37,625
What time is it?
325
00:22:37,713 --> 00:22:39,872
It's 1:00 in the morning, 4:00 to you.
Sorry, man.
326
00:22:40,257 --> 00:22:42,001
What's wrong? What happened?
327
00:22:42,176 --> 00:22:45,093
- Nothing. I just wanted to talk.
- At 4:00 in the morning?
328
00:22:46,263 --> 00:22:47,426
It's cheaper.
329
00:22:49,641 --> 00:22:53,721
Listen, Ty, how'd you do it?
330
00:22:53,812 --> 00:22:56,766
- How'd I do what?
- How did you, you know...
331
00:22:57,732 --> 00:23:00,021
How did you find somebody
who made the cut?
332
00:23:00,110 --> 00:23:04,606
I don't know. It was just this
feeling that hit me.
333
00:23:05,031 --> 00:23:09,159
Like a blinding realisation, like pure truth.
334
00:23:12,705 --> 00:23:16,204
- Mikey, what is this all about?
- Nothing.
335
00:23:16,792 --> 00:23:20,837
Nothing. Forget it. Congratulations.
336
00:23:21,130 --> 00:23:22,540
- Mike?
- Yeah?
337
00:23:22,631 --> 00:23:24,789
Pull this shit again,
you don't get to be my best man.
338
00:23:25,175 --> 00:23:27,547
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
339
00:23:29,304 --> 00:23:31,629
Always a best man, never a man.
340
00:23:58,665 --> 00:24:01,156
Oh, my God, this is so exciting.
341
00:24:01,251 --> 00:24:03,493
I think I just met
Naomi Campbell's hair person.
342
00:24:04,171 --> 00:24:06,744
So, anything I should be doing?
343
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,128
This is the glamorous world
of Market Research.
344
00:24:09,301 --> 00:24:11,293
We just sit around
until somebody wonders.
345
00:24:11,469 --> 00:24:13,343
Why are those men wearing diapers?
346
00:24:17,517 --> 00:24:20,186
I guess I can answer
that question for you, sir.
347
00:24:20,269 --> 00:24:22,345
- You can answer that?
- Yes.
348
00:24:22,521 --> 00:24:25,308
We did research in the Midwest
which indicated...
349
00:24:25,483 --> 00:24:28,234
...that our target market was
getting younger and younger...
350
00:24:28,402 --> 00:24:29,647
...as you can see.
351
00:24:29,820 --> 00:24:33,189
Our focus groups taught us that
it'd be wise to do a preemptive strike...
352
00:24:33,282 --> 00:24:37,279
...and showcase young imagery
in our new campaigns.
353
00:24:37,869 --> 00:24:40,158
I see and this explains
why I'm spending $2 million...
354
00:24:40,247 --> 00:24:43,781
...putting grown men in Huggies.
You realise if I did this in my basement...
355
00:24:43,875 --> 00:24:46,081
...and post them on the internet,
I'd be arrested.
356
00:24:47,378 --> 00:24:49,371
Also save a lot of money.
357
00:24:52,550 --> 00:24:54,092
What are you doing for lunch?
358
00:24:57,388 --> 00:25:01,386
I'm sorry Julie couldn't make it tonight.
She really does want to meet you.
359
00:25:01,559 --> 00:25:03,219
- Me, too.
- Yeah.
360
00:25:03,519 --> 00:25:07,599
But at least now you can tell me
how all of this happened.
361
00:25:08,690 --> 00:25:12,818
- You used to refer to marriage as...
- I know, cruel and unusual punishment.
362
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:17,780
- It's her. She just hit me like a truck.
- But you were ready for it, right?
363
00:25:17,866 --> 00:25:21,994
- You were wandering around in traffic?
- Yeah, I guess it was in traffic.
364
00:25:22,162 --> 00:25:25,412
I mean, if it can happen to me,
it can happen to anybody. Right?
365
00:25:25,915 --> 00:25:28,786
Anybody who isn't Mike, of course.
366
00:25:29,544 --> 00:25:32,248
I actually got a strange call
from Mike the other day.
367
00:25:32,338 --> 00:25:35,504
I think he seemed genuinely concerned
not to have somebody in his life.
368
00:25:35,591 --> 00:25:37,418
Mike, in a relationship?
369
00:25:37,510 --> 00:25:39,585
Isn't that one of the signs
of the Apocalypse?
370
00:25:39,678 --> 00:25:41,137
Nostradamus actually predicted it.
371
00:25:41,221 --> 00:25:43,547
He said, in the latter part
of the twentieth century...
372
00:25:43,891 --> 00:25:46,560
..."the lone cock would crow no more."
373
00:25:49,688 --> 00:25:50,767
That's scary.
374
00:25:50,856 --> 00:25:54,271
Why do you think David's so reluctant
to take the next step with me?
375
00:25:54,651 --> 00:25:57,486
Oh, David.
376
00:25:59,656 --> 00:26:02,989
I was playing the field,
and I got burned out on it.
377
00:26:04,410 --> 00:26:07,281
David hasn't exactly been out
playing the field.
378
00:26:08,372 --> 00:26:12,156
- He's been playing house with me.
- A fun game.
379
00:26:14,795 --> 00:26:16,704
So let me get this straight.
380
00:26:16,922 --> 00:26:20,872
By working in a relationship
with this guy for the past five years...
381
00:26:21,134 --> 00:26:24,005
...I have actually undermined
any possibility of a future with him?
382
00:26:24,096 --> 00:26:26,883
Yeah. Maybe. I don't know.
383
00:26:27,432 --> 00:26:28,760
David's a really sharp guy...
384
00:26:28,850 --> 00:26:30,641
...and I think he'll probably come
to his senses.
385
00:26:31,186 --> 00:26:34,186
- I mean, you're all he wants.
- I'm all he knows.
386
00:26:35,481 --> 00:26:36,810
That can work.
387
00:26:38,151 --> 00:26:41,650
David, it's me.
It's late and you're not home.
388
00:26:41,737 --> 00:26:44,738
That's good. I hope you're out having fun.
389
00:26:46,075 --> 00:26:47,569
I know this sounds weird...
390
00:26:47,660 --> 00:26:50,067
...but if you need to see other women
to figure this out...
391
00:26:50,162 --> 00:26:51,407
...I can handle it.
392
00:26:51,497 --> 00:26:55,364
Maybe it's being here on my own
or from asking you for a decision.
393
00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:58,074
I've gained a new perspective on things.
394
00:26:58,462 --> 00:27:01,332
I think it's important for us to explore
whatever options we need to.
395
00:27:01,423 --> 00:27:05,420
So, if that's part of it for you
just know that I understand.
396
00:27:14,644 --> 00:27:17,313
I know what you mean.
She second-guessed our move.
397
00:27:17,813 --> 00:27:20,221
She's even more cunning than I thought.
She's good.
398
00:27:20,316 --> 00:27:22,024
You're lucky I'm on board.
399
00:27:22,109 --> 00:27:25,727
It's not like her. Why would she say it's
okay to go out with other women?
400
00:27:25,821 --> 00:27:27,730
Why indeed?
401
00:27:33,662 --> 00:27:36,781
Shouldn't you be out there
playing wingman for Jonesy?
402
00:27:36,873 --> 00:27:38,533
Oh, please.
403
00:27:39,542 --> 00:27:41,535
I never realised you were so picky.
404
00:27:41,711 --> 00:27:44,202
You think I'm one of these
assy scam hounds?
405
00:27:44,380 --> 00:27:46,124
I have very particular tastes.
406
00:27:46,215 --> 00:27:48,504
A strict list of qualities
I look for in a woman.
407
00:27:48,593 --> 00:27:52,044
I'm not just fucking around out here.
What?
408
00:27:52,138 --> 00:27:54,130
Seriously, all this play I get?
409
00:27:54,306 --> 00:27:58,636
I'm not wasting my time. It's practice.
410
00:27:59,561 --> 00:28:03,641
- It's practice for the big game.
- Maybe it's not a game.
411
00:28:04,733 --> 00:28:07,769
You've been off the circuit too long.
Of course, it's a game.
412
00:28:07,861 --> 00:28:10,103
It's better than a game, it's a sport.
413
00:28:10,197 --> 00:28:13,400
It's better than a sport, even.
It's sport fishing.
414
00:28:14,576 --> 00:28:16,615
Case in point.
415
00:28:16,911 --> 00:28:19,829
Look at him.
See those chicks he's wasting it on.
416
00:28:19,998 --> 00:28:22,405
Hi, ladies! Those are bass.
417
00:28:23,084 --> 00:28:25,539
And we all go bass fishing
from time to time.
418
00:28:25,628 --> 00:28:28,712
Hell, you can get really good at it
with practice.
419
00:28:29,256 --> 00:28:32,672
But while he's spending all his time
hooking up with bottom feeders...
420
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:36,010
...the crucial skills he'll need
to hook his wife are atrophying.
421
00:28:36,180 --> 00:28:39,845
You see, scamming is like fishing.
422
00:28:41,143 --> 00:28:44,926
If your dream girl were a fish,
what would she be?
423
00:28:45,814 --> 00:28:48,684
- I don't know, a tuna?
- Yeah! No.
424
00:28:48,983 --> 00:28:50,264
A marlin.
425
00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:52,685
A big trophy fish.
426
00:28:52,862 --> 00:28:55,353
To catch a marlin,
you must use entirely different skills.
427
00:28:55,448 --> 00:28:59,066
You don't go out marlin fishing with
a sorry-ass fold-out pole, six-pound test.
428
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:00,535
That'll do for bass.
429
00:29:00,620 --> 00:29:02,577
But it sure as shit
isn't gonna land a marlin.
430
00:29:02,663 --> 00:29:06,246
You have to up your game.
Know where the elusive beauties lie.
431
00:29:06,333 --> 00:29:09,418
You gotta know where to fish.
They're rare, brother. They're rare.
432
00:29:09,503 --> 00:29:11,958
Most days you don't catch shit.
But when you do...
433
00:29:13,131 --> 00:29:14,460
Wham!
434
00:29:15,968 --> 00:29:18,755
The two of you are back
at the dock taking pictures.
435
00:29:19,554 --> 00:29:21,428
Okay, another huge flaw I have...
436
00:29:21,514 --> 00:29:24,551
...with "Why buy the cow when you can
get the milk for free?"...
437
00:29:24,642 --> 00:29:26,801
...is simply this. Milk is not free.
438
00:29:26,895 --> 00:29:29,053
The point is,
if you're hankering for some milk...
439
00:29:29,147 --> 00:29:31,472
...one way or another,
you're gonna have to pay for it!
440
00:30:02,762 --> 00:30:05,467
You digging this, Davey?
I told you I'd make it up to you.
441
00:30:05,556 --> 00:30:09,056
Please point out which
of these lovely young ladies is a marlin.
442
00:30:09,143 --> 00:30:11,100
We're done fishing for the day.
443
00:30:11,270 --> 00:30:15,731
We're at the aquarium now,
checking out the exotic fishies.
444
00:30:16,233 --> 00:30:19,020
Look, Davey. They even got
one of those petting tanks.
445
00:30:19,611 --> 00:30:21,687
Oh, my God.
446
00:30:21,989 --> 00:30:24,859
I have already told him all about you,
and his friend is totally hot.
447
00:30:25,033 --> 00:30:27,109
Sarah, come on.
You have got to get my back.
448
00:30:27,202 --> 00:30:29,159
I have been after this guy
for almost a week.
449
00:30:29,246 --> 00:30:32,246
They're gonna be here in an hour.
So, come on, just get my back.
450
00:30:32,582 --> 00:30:36,165
I have to go. I'll do what I can. 'Bye.
451
00:30:38,171 --> 00:30:40,294
- Hi.
- Hey.
452
00:30:40,548 --> 00:30:43,917
Have you given any thought
to our conversation the other day?
453
00:30:44,010 --> 00:30:46,465
It's all I've been thinking about.
454
00:30:46,637 --> 00:30:50,635
But the problem is,
I'm involved with someone back in LA.
455
00:30:51,058 --> 00:30:53,810
But I'm not sure what's happening with us.
456
00:30:53,894 --> 00:30:56,385
I just need a little more time
to figure it out. Is that okay?
457
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,686
Of course. Just don't take too long.
458
00:31:17,291 --> 00:31:19,083
Gosh, a dollar.
459
00:31:19,168 --> 00:31:21,493
Now I can quit stripping,
go back to vet school...
460
00:31:21,587 --> 00:31:23,295
...and save my sick pony.
461
00:31:25,591 --> 00:31:28,757
Thanks, Mike. You're a prince.
462
00:31:30,262 --> 00:31:31,922
- Amy!
- David, you know her!
463
00:31:32,014 --> 00:31:33,556
Holy shit! It is Amy.
464
00:31:34,349 --> 00:31:36,840
Give me a sec.
I have to make one last go-around.
465
00:31:36,935 --> 00:31:38,133
You guys know her?
466
00:31:38,311 --> 00:31:40,387
From school.
I can't believe this is happening.
467
00:31:40,564 --> 00:31:44,228
- I can't believe this is happening.
- She looks great.
468
00:31:44,317 --> 00:31:49,193
- She definitely lost that "Freshman 15."
- She looks hot. Damn!
469
00:31:49,364 --> 00:31:52,115
Hey, you guys. How are you two?
470
00:31:53,492 --> 00:31:56,577
- You work here? This is awesome.
- No, Mike, I'm just hanging.
471
00:31:56,662 --> 00:32:00,576
- This is such a surprise.
- Yeah. You look good, David.
472
00:32:01,584 --> 00:32:03,991
Amy, this is Jonesy. Jonesy, this is Amy.
473
00:32:04,503 --> 00:32:06,958
- How you doing?
- Pleasure to meet you.
474
00:32:07,881 --> 00:32:09,423
The pleasure is all mine.
475
00:32:09,508 --> 00:32:12,841
Why don't you turn it down a notch?
You're channelling Barry White again.
476
00:32:12,928 --> 00:32:15,383
Was she this hot when you two
were dating?
477
00:32:15,472 --> 00:32:17,429
- He went out with a stripper?
- Yeah.
478
00:32:17,515 --> 00:32:19,472
Actually, no.
I was just a freshman back then...
479
00:32:19,559 --> 00:32:21,137
...studying to be a stripper.
480
00:32:21,853 --> 00:32:25,186
David helped me bone up
on my pole-dancing exam.
481
00:32:25,565 --> 00:32:27,142
Can I buy you a drink for old times' sake?
482
00:32:27,233 --> 00:32:28,692
- Yeah.
- Come on.
483
00:32:34,156 --> 00:32:36,030
They're going to do it.
484
00:32:42,581 --> 00:32:46,365
I often wonder how long we would've
lasted if I hadn't broken up with you.
485
00:32:46,543 --> 00:32:49,959
Two and a half days. I was gonna
dump you right after my last final.
486
00:32:50,046 --> 00:32:53,166
I didn't have the time to get into
a big emotional thing with you.
487
00:32:53,967 --> 00:32:57,501
- I had to study.
- What a relief.
488
00:32:57,595 --> 00:32:59,173
This whole time,
I thought I broke your heart.
489
00:32:59,263 --> 00:33:02,513
Give me a break. We weren't in love
or anything. We were just having fun.
490
00:33:02,808 --> 00:33:06,473
- There were no expectations back then.
- Give me a hand with this.
491
00:33:07,104 --> 00:33:10,105
I mean, when did that change?
492
00:33:11,984 --> 00:33:13,608
It didn't. You did.
493
00:33:13,694 --> 00:33:16,813
It only seems different now
because you outgrew it.
494
00:33:18,031 --> 00:33:20,403
- I don't know.
- I do.
495
00:33:21,451 --> 00:33:23,658
Look at your dick-with-ears friend there.
496
00:33:23,745 --> 00:33:26,580
Do you think that Amy chick
would take the bid?
497
00:33:26,665 --> 00:33:30,365
- I thought that was Dave's old flame.
- Key word: "was."
498
00:33:30,835 --> 00:33:33,041
Damn it! I bet I could have had her.
499
00:33:33,129 --> 00:33:35,287
When she was going out
with your best friend.
500
00:33:35,381 --> 00:33:37,255
Yeah, that would have been real cool.
501
00:33:37,341 --> 00:33:38,373
You bet.
502
00:33:38,593 --> 00:33:41,297
Although, I'm sure she wasn't as hot then.
503
00:33:47,184 --> 00:33:50,304
- You look unbelievable.
- Thanks.
504
00:33:52,606 --> 00:33:56,057
When did it get so difficult
to figure out what I want?
505
00:33:56,151 --> 00:33:58,689
If you're like most people, darlin'...
506
00:33:59,070 --> 00:34:02,439
...right around the time you found
something worth wanting.
507
00:34:03,616 --> 00:34:05,573
Hand me that dildo, will you?
508
00:35:02,547 --> 00:35:04,006
She circled my ad.
509
00:35:12,599 --> 00:35:14,390
She circled my ad!
510
00:35:23,985 --> 00:35:28,148
Quick Match mailbox number 247.
511
00:35:28,405 --> 00:35:32,070
You have 32 messages.
512
00:35:32,242 --> 00:35:35,243
To play unheard messages, press three.
513
00:35:35,412 --> 00:35:38,164
To delete messages, press two.
514
00:35:39,166 --> 00:35:43,294
Hola, soul mate.
I have searched for you for a long time.
515
00:35:43,879 --> 00:35:45,670
I think we should get together.
516
00:35:45,755 --> 00:35:50,666
I have dark hair,
dark eyes and a nipple key ring.
517
00:35:51,177 --> 00:35:54,628
I'm a maid, so I have lots of keys.
518
00:35:55,973 --> 00:35:57,515
Your ad intrigued me, soul mate.
519
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,969
A little about myself:
I love dressing up and getting down.
520
00:36:01,228 --> 00:36:03,137
I'm a walking contradiction...
521
00:36:03,230 --> 00:36:05,306
...open-minded, yet lactose intolerant.
522
00:36:05,399 --> 00:36:08,684
And I yearn for someone
who enjoys big surprises.
523
00:36:08,986 --> 00:36:10,017
Call me.
524
00:36:26,878 --> 00:36:30,211
If you'd like to make a call,
please hang up and try again.
525
00:36:57,907 --> 00:37:00,825
Hello, David.
I've been waiting for your call...
526
00:37:01,035 --> 00:37:03,657
...ever since I saw you
in that Mexican restaurant.
527
00:37:03,746 --> 00:37:05,573
I've fantasised about us.
528
00:37:05,915 --> 00:37:10,873
- Our bodies entwined and covered in salsa.
- Salsa!
529
00:37:11,337 --> 00:37:13,662
We're destined to be together, David.
530
00:37:14,215 --> 00:37:17,915
- It's just like...
- Chips and salsa.
531
00:37:18,177 --> 00:37:19,505
That's right.
532
00:37:21,096 --> 00:37:24,679
And now... That's my other line. Hold on.
533
00:37:25,350 --> 00:37:28,304
- Hello.
- David, it's Mike. You there? Pick up.
534
00:37:31,773 --> 00:37:34,346
Come on, pick up, David.
This is important.
535
00:37:36,736 --> 00:37:39,737
- Mike.
- David, it's happened to me.
536
00:37:40,364 --> 00:37:43,614
Congratulations.
Look, I'm really not feeling very...
537
00:37:43,743 --> 00:37:45,534
No! Listen, David.
538
00:37:45,703 --> 00:37:48,657
I'm lying naked, in a strange bed...
539
00:37:49,873 --> 00:37:52,625
...staring at the most beautiful woman...
540
00:37:52,710 --> 00:37:55,082
...I have ever seen in my entire life.
541
00:37:55,712 --> 00:37:58,417
Tell her I said, "Hi."
I've really got to go now.
542
00:37:58,507 --> 00:38:02,456
She's not here.
I'm looking at her picture, okay?
543
00:38:03,553 --> 00:38:06,507
Damn marlin jumped right into my boat,
caught me unawares.
544
00:38:06,598 --> 00:38:08,175
What are you talking about?
545
00:38:08,266 --> 00:38:12,477
That whole after-hours rave?
Complete blank.
546
00:38:12,562 --> 00:38:15,895
The last solid memory I have
was drinking some green, glowy shit...
547
00:38:15,982 --> 00:38:18,140
...from a test tube
and dancing like a bastard.
548
00:38:18,234 --> 00:38:19,776
- But, David...
- What?
549
00:38:19,902 --> 00:38:22,310
Something magical happened
in this room last night.
550
00:38:22,404 --> 00:38:23,602
Something...
551
00:38:25,366 --> 00:38:26,860
...bigger than sex.
552
00:38:28,994 --> 00:38:32,826
- Although sex was definitely a factor.
- But you don't remember.
553
00:38:33,123 --> 00:38:35,495
No. Last night's a total blur.
But listen to me.
554
00:38:35,584 --> 00:38:37,956
I woke up this morning and I've got...
555
00:38:41,464 --> 00:38:44,133
...the feeling.
- Is it a burning sensation?
556
00:38:44,467 --> 00:38:46,507
No, David. The feeling...
557
00:38:46,594 --> 00:38:49,630
...when you just know the pure,
blinding truth stuff.
558
00:38:49,847 --> 00:38:51,389
I've met her, David.
559
00:38:52,183 --> 00:38:55,386
For the first time in my life,
I think I'm in love. Me.
560
00:38:57,146 --> 00:38:59,815
Shit. Here she comes.
Moment of truth. 'Bye.
561
00:39:06,863 --> 00:39:08,607
Good morning, sunshine!
562
00:39:10,826 --> 00:39:12,699
Is that for me?
563
00:39:14,496 --> 00:39:16,654
Whoops. You've been, deflowered.
564
00:39:17,916 --> 00:39:21,581
I can't believe you're even up
after that performance last night.
565
00:39:21,794 --> 00:39:24,416
In my book,
you deserve to sleep for a week.
566
00:39:27,008 --> 00:39:28,336
Hungover and clumsy.
567
00:39:28,426 --> 00:39:31,462
I'll take care of that.
You just save your strength.
568
00:39:33,180 --> 00:39:34,758
- The bathroom?
- What?
569
00:39:35,265 --> 00:39:39,643
- The bathroom. I don't feel too well.
- It's right around the corner, lover.
570
00:39:41,021 --> 00:39:45,766
You pretty boys are all the same.
Strong stamina and weak stomachs.
571
00:39:48,236 --> 00:39:49,647
It's right there.
572
00:40:11,967 --> 00:40:13,426
You okay in there?
573
00:40:17,014 --> 00:40:18,424
This isn't happening.
574
00:40:18,515 --> 00:40:20,757
- Michael?
- Just a sec!
575
00:40:26,731 --> 00:40:30,017
Laura was pretty impressed
with you last night...
576
00:40:30,735 --> 00:40:33,902
...even before you two started
waking the neighbourhood.
577
00:40:34,113 --> 00:40:37,612
I'm into chicks. I love chicks.
578
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:42,280
Breasts, legs, long hair.
579
00:40:45,082 --> 00:40:46,280
And breasts.
580
00:40:47,084 --> 00:40:49,575
I've never seen her
make breakfast for herself.
581
00:40:49,670 --> 00:40:51,793
And we've been roommates
for three years.
582
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,715
Laura ran to the store
to get you some B12...
583
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:56,210
...and she should be back soon.
584
00:40:56,301 --> 00:40:59,504
Dad. Sit down.
585
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:04,631
I'm gay.
586
00:41:05,268 --> 00:41:08,850
No! Or I was fucked up or experimenting.
587
00:41:08,980 --> 00:41:11,186
You know, like Mom's college years.
588
00:41:12,483 --> 00:41:14,641
Oh, God, it is genetic.
589
00:41:23,494 --> 00:41:25,652
Michael, I'll be out on the deck, okay?
590
00:41:25,746 --> 00:41:29,280
When you're done, let's talk.
591
00:41:29,708 --> 00:41:32,744
After what happened last night...
592
00:41:32,836 --> 00:41:35,623
...it would mean a lot to me
if we got to know each other better.
593
00:41:35,714 --> 00:41:38,798
Yeah! You bet! I'll be right out!
594
00:41:40,510 --> 00:41:42,087
Jumpy little breeder.
595
00:41:55,607 --> 00:41:56,521
Shit!
596
00:42:45,071 --> 00:42:47,028
Stop it! You're scalding me!
597
00:43:05,716 --> 00:43:08,586
Wow! That was just like Spiderman!
598
00:43:12,472 --> 00:43:15,259
Actually, kid, I am Spiderman...
599
00:43:15,350 --> 00:43:17,508
...and I lost my costume. I need your shirt.
600
00:43:17,602 --> 00:43:18,847
Sure, Spidey.
601
00:43:19,270 --> 00:43:21,097
- This is so cool.
- Yeah.
602
00:43:23,483 --> 00:43:25,641
I'll give you a little hand here.
603
00:43:27,695 --> 00:43:30,067
Billy! Get away from that man!
604
00:43:30,239 --> 00:43:34,948
No, no, no. Sir, I can explain.
No, it's not this.
605
00:43:36,245 --> 00:43:39,329
Sir!
606
00:43:42,918 --> 00:43:44,293
Sick son of a...
607
00:43:44,544 --> 00:43:46,288
No, no.
608
00:43:46,463 --> 00:43:50,543
Daddy, no. Don't shoot Spidey.
He's my special friend.
609
00:43:52,010 --> 00:43:55,176
Billy! Stop, drop and roll!
610
00:43:56,431 --> 00:43:57,629
Don't do it!
611
00:44:03,563 --> 00:44:05,436
Run, Spidey, run!
612
00:44:15,866 --> 00:44:17,989
Okay, dog, it's Snausage time.
613
00:45:02,869 --> 00:45:05,027
This country has just gone to shit.
614
00:45:05,538 --> 00:45:08,409
Damn. Look at that little sodomite go.
615
00:45:16,424 --> 00:45:19,128
Nice work, Laura. Another asshole.
616
00:45:40,196 --> 00:45:41,821
Hello, is Susan there?
617
00:45:43,283 --> 00:45:47,066
Hi, Susan. My name is David.
You answered my personal ad a couple...
618
00:45:48,079 --> 00:45:51,495
Yeah, that's the one. That's me.
619
00:45:51,666 --> 00:45:55,081
Hi, how are you?
Nice to talk to you. Listen...
620
00:45:56,503 --> 00:46:00,204
...I think we should probably
get together sometime soon.
621
00:46:00,883 --> 00:46:04,002
Hi, Cynthia. How are you? David.
That's right. Soul mate guy.
622
00:46:04,094 --> 00:46:06,632
What do you say,
Papa Shan, 5:00, Tuesday?
623
00:46:06,930 --> 00:46:10,465
All right. We'll see you then.
Going to hell.
624
00:46:11,059 --> 00:46:14,558
Hi, Kathleen. I got it. Tuesday, Papa Shan.
625
00:46:14,729 --> 00:46:16,638
Tuesday, Papa Shan, 5:00?
626
00:46:16,731 --> 00:46:18,273
I don't know. Papa Shan, 5:00, Tuesday?
627
00:46:26,699 --> 00:46:31,111
Hi. Excuse me.
You aren't David by any chance, are you?
628
00:46:32,371 --> 00:46:34,245
No. No. Sorry.
629
00:46:38,252 --> 00:46:40,493
I'm going straight to hell for this.
630
00:46:42,130 --> 00:46:43,838
- David?
- It's Ralph.
631
00:46:44,883 --> 00:46:46,163
Close enough.
632
00:46:56,352 --> 00:46:58,143
Sorry, I'm meeting someone.
633
00:46:59,355 --> 00:47:01,182
I have to get out of here.
634
00:47:02,650 --> 00:47:06,350
- Hi, David.
- Nicole, what are you doing in LA?
635
00:47:06,528 --> 00:47:09,482
I'm in town for my cousin's bar mitzvah.
What are you doing?
636
00:47:09,573 --> 00:47:11,898
I'm leaving.
637
00:47:13,452 --> 00:47:16,655
This place is such a meat market.
It's a total singles scene.
638
00:47:16,747 --> 00:47:20,495
- Did you just call him David?
- Yeah. That is his name.
639
00:47:20,584 --> 00:47:23,121
It's my nickname.
My close friends call me that.
640
00:47:23,211 --> 00:47:27,422
- David, what are you talking about?
- Who the hell has David for a nickname?
641
00:47:28,424 --> 00:47:32,125
I do. It's short for Davidian.
Branch Davidian.
642
00:47:32,762 --> 00:47:36,711
- Are you here to meet a David, too?
- Yeah. Who are you?
643
00:47:36,849 --> 00:47:39,554
Did you answer an ad in
Quick Match Personals?
644
00:47:40,186 --> 00:47:43,056
- David, do you know these women?
- You son of a...
645
00:47:43,564 --> 00:47:45,307
Soul mate, my ass!
646
00:47:54,950 --> 00:47:56,325
Stop it, please!
647
00:47:57,494 --> 00:47:59,985
Excuse me, I'm supposed to meet
someone here named...
648
00:48:00,079 --> 00:48:04,575
Some shit monkey invited four women
from the same dating service!
649
00:48:04,667 --> 00:48:06,078
Why? Why?
650
00:48:06,169 --> 00:48:08,410
Look, just get down here, all right?
651
00:48:08,504 --> 00:48:11,209
And send ambulances, lots of them.
652
00:48:12,425 --> 00:48:13,800
I'm sorry!
653
00:48:14,468 --> 00:48:19,759
I'm sorry! I've been a bad boy! I'm sorry!
654
00:48:20,349 --> 00:48:22,341
How does it look? Is it bad?
655
00:48:25,228 --> 00:48:29,689
No. You're good.
So, we're about the same age.
656
00:48:29,774 --> 00:48:32,894
Tell me, how does one develop
such intense hatred for women...
657
00:48:32,986 --> 00:48:34,314
...in a short amount of time?
658
00:48:34,404 --> 00:48:37,073
Publicly humiliating four women
you've never met before?
659
00:48:37,156 --> 00:48:39,647
I thought maybe I had met
one of them before.
660
00:48:39,742 --> 00:48:40,940
I was wrong.
661
00:48:42,787 --> 00:48:46,701
Go ahead, call Sarah.
Rat my miserable ass out.
662
00:48:49,752 --> 00:48:50,866
Forget it.
663
00:48:51,211 --> 00:48:55,209
I'd lash out at an entire gender too
if I had your problems.
664
00:48:55,299 --> 00:48:56,709
It must be tough.
665
00:48:59,261 --> 00:49:02,879
You're the last person I would have
expected sympathy from on all this.
666
00:49:03,140 --> 00:49:06,306
It can't be easy. Especially now.
667
00:49:07,894 --> 00:49:09,518
What do you mean, now?
668
00:49:12,190 --> 00:49:14,099
Maybe you'd better call her.
669
00:49:21,282 --> 00:49:22,693
Sarah, pick up the damn...
670
00:49:22,783 --> 00:49:25,108
- Hello.
- Hello, Sarah?
671
00:49:25,327 --> 00:49:28,613
This is Amber. I work with Sarah.
Can I take a message?
672
00:49:28,997 --> 00:49:30,540
I need to know where she is.
673
00:49:30,624 --> 00:49:33,329
She left a little early today.
Had a dinner engagement.
674
00:49:33,418 --> 00:49:34,663
An appointment.
675
00:49:35,379 --> 00:49:37,252
- With who?
- Who is this?
676
00:49:38,340 --> 00:49:40,297
This is her boyfriend, David.
677
00:49:40,592 --> 00:49:43,379
I didn't know she had a boyfriend.
678
00:49:43,762 --> 00:49:45,339
She does.
679
00:49:45,889 --> 00:49:48,462
Listen, I'm sorry.
I really don't know who you are...
680
00:49:48,558 --> 00:49:51,227
...but I'd appreciate it
if you told me who she was...
681
00:49:51,310 --> 00:49:54,596
She's out with Andrew. Mr. Hahn.
682
00:49:56,941 --> 00:49:59,182
- Mr. Hung?
- Yeah, the big guy.
683
00:50:02,071 --> 00:50:03,695
Are you sure you're her boyfriend?
684
00:50:05,073 --> 00:50:08,738
I mean, she knows that you're
her boyfriend and everything right?
685
00:50:30,806 --> 00:50:32,965
So how long have you been married?
686
00:50:33,934 --> 00:50:37,433
- Seven years.
- Must be nice to have that kind of security.
687
00:50:38,188 --> 00:50:40,596
I'm the poster boy for happily married.
688
00:50:41,525 --> 00:50:44,016
But security,
that's a rare thing these days...
689
00:50:44,111 --> 00:50:45,439
...especially in marriage.
690
00:50:45,529 --> 00:50:48,316
That's a sombre outlook for
the happily-married, poster boy.
691
00:50:48,406 --> 00:50:50,316
Fifty percent divorce rate in the US.
692
00:50:50,408 --> 00:50:53,492
The only security you have
in this world is yourself.
693
00:50:53,828 --> 00:50:56,829
The point I'm making, Sarah,
is your talent is yours alone.
694
00:50:56,915 --> 00:51:00,497
And you do have talent, Sarah.
Your designs are amazing.
695
00:51:01,794 --> 00:51:05,080
Only you can decide what you want to do
with that talent.
696
00:51:06,757 --> 00:51:09,165
- I just wish it were simpler.
- Simpler?
697
00:51:10,135 --> 00:51:13,136
I'm offering you a job in New York
doing what you love doing.
698
00:51:13,222 --> 00:51:16,139
I know. And it's a dream come true.
699
00:51:16,725 --> 00:51:19,263
Dreams don't come true very often.
700
00:51:21,980 --> 00:51:24,269
Maybe it's not supposed to be simple.
701
00:51:36,619 --> 00:51:40,202
Bellissimo. Magnifico.
702
00:51:42,208 --> 00:51:43,832
Mike, it's me. Where you been, man?
703
00:51:43,959 --> 00:51:46,533
I haven't heard from you since
you met your true love.
704
00:51:47,338 --> 00:51:48,666
I've really got to talk to you.
705
00:51:48,756 --> 00:51:52,705
So why don't you just pick up the phone
and give me a call between orgasms, okay?
706
00:52:30,587 --> 00:52:33,256
From the makers of the hit videos,
Are You Gay?
707
00:52:33,340 --> 00:52:35,462
...and So You Think You're Gay...
708
00:52:35,550 --> 00:52:37,958
...United Homosexual Headquarters
presents...
709
00:52:38,094 --> 00:52:40,336
...Just How Gay Are You?
710
00:52:47,770 --> 00:52:49,928
Hello. I'm Tim Chadway...
711
00:52:50,022 --> 00:52:52,691
...President of United Homosexual
Headquarters.
712
00:52:53,150 --> 00:52:54,810
My buddies call me Timbo.
713
00:52:54,902 --> 00:52:56,693
You know, like millions of Americans...
714
00:52:56,779 --> 00:52:59,945
...you're probably wondering just
how gay are you?
715
00:53:00,115 --> 00:53:01,740
That's an important question.
716
00:53:01,825 --> 00:53:04,742
But, come on,
the answer is pretty obvious, isn't it?
717
00:53:06,204 --> 00:53:07,615
Face it, chief.
718
00:53:07,706 --> 00:53:11,490
If you're watching me now,
you are pretty damn gay.
719
00:53:12,168 --> 00:53:13,413
But that's okay.
720
00:53:13,503 --> 00:53:15,958
Because, you see,
here at the Headquarters...
721
00:53:16,047 --> 00:53:19,131
...we specialise in making your
journey out of the closet...
722
00:53:19,217 --> 00:53:21,174
...as smooth as possible.
723
00:53:21,260 --> 00:53:23,585
From our handy Gay Pride Starter Kit...
724
00:53:23,679 --> 00:53:26,253
...to those convenient,
"I'm here, I'm queer...
725
00:53:26,348 --> 00:53:31,176
"...stop by sometime for a beer"
change-of-sexual-orientation post cards...
726
00:53:31,270 --> 00:53:33,725
...you'll be out and about in no time.
727
00:53:33,814 --> 00:53:35,723
Your family and friends will admire you...
728
00:53:35,816 --> 00:53:39,648
...for your ability to make that transition
with style and flair.
729
00:53:50,997 --> 00:53:54,330
- I still can't believe it.
- Why don't you just call her?
730
00:53:54,500 --> 00:53:56,576
You don't even know for sure
what's going on.
731
00:53:56,669 --> 00:53:58,792
If she wants to talk, she can give me a call.
732
00:53:58,879 --> 00:54:00,671
I'm done sitting around like a sucker.
733
00:54:00,756 --> 00:54:03,591
- You got to stop being hard on yourself.
- Mike was right.
734
00:54:03,676 --> 00:54:07,294
If I'm gonna make an informed decision,
it's time I started getting busy.
735
00:54:08,347 --> 00:54:11,929
Wait a minute. What's this bar
that Mike wants us to meet him at?
736
00:54:14,269 --> 00:54:15,597
"The Cock Pit."
737
00:54:16,855 --> 00:54:20,058
You might want to wait till tomorrow night
to start getting busy.
738
00:54:20,150 --> 00:54:21,478
Why is that?
739
00:54:23,862 --> 00:54:26,269
Because tonight,
we're drinking in Boys' Town.
740
00:54:27,365 --> 00:54:29,986
A lot of guys claim they
practically knew it in the womb.
741
00:54:30,076 --> 00:54:31,534
Like something was wrong...
742
00:54:31,619 --> 00:54:34,536
...they felt different than all
the other fetuses.
743
00:54:34,872 --> 00:54:36,414
How did you figure it out?
744
00:54:36,499 --> 00:54:38,824
After a string of girlfriends...
745
00:54:38,918 --> 00:54:41,455
...a couple ex-wives,
and a Great Dane or two...
746
00:54:41,545 --> 00:54:44,001
...I started thinking, "Hey, maybe it's me."
747
00:54:45,340 --> 00:54:47,712
- Was that difficult for you?
- Sure.
748
00:54:47,801 --> 00:54:52,427
Most terrifying thing that you can do
is look inside yourself carefully, honestly.
749
00:54:52,514 --> 00:54:54,423
But you have to do it, Michael.
750
00:54:54,516 --> 00:54:58,015
And when I did,
it was a feeling that just hit me.
751
00:54:58,436 --> 00:55:01,935
A blinding realisation like pure truth.
752
00:55:03,441 --> 00:55:06,976
- Mike, what's up?
- Guys, hey! Sit down.
753
00:55:08,571 --> 00:55:11,062
- Are you aware that this is a...
- A gay bar?
754
00:55:11,157 --> 00:55:13,908
It's okay to say it. And yes, I know.
755
00:55:14,118 --> 00:55:16,787
But I like it, I think.
756
00:55:18,163 --> 00:55:22,243
I'm trying to, anyway.
Stanley! A beer for my friends, please.
757
00:55:24,336 --> 00:55:26,412
- I get it. I get it.
- You do?
758
00:55:26,505 --> 00:55:30,004
He's trying to go the distance
with that chick he met at After Hours.
759
00:55:30,091 --> 00:55:32,629
Right. Avoiding places that
tempt you to stray...
760
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:34,592
...off the gilded path of monogamy.
761
00:55:34,929 --> 00:55:38,049
I can't wait to meet this girl.
She must really be something.
762
00:55:38,141 --> 00:55:39,683
She didn't...
763
00:55:41,185 --> 00:55:44,352
...turn out to be the person
I thought she was.
764
00:55:46,190 --> 00:55:50,187
- Sorry, man.
- I'm sorry. She sounded different.
765
00:55:50,611 --> 00:55:52,687
Let's just drop it, okay?
766
00:55:54,615 --> 00:55:56,940
So what's up with this bar?
767
00:55:57,034 --> 00:55:59,655
This isn't really our kind of place.
768
00:56:00,787 --> 00:56:05,283
What do you mean?
It's got beer. It's got bar stools.
769
00:56:05,375 --> 00:56:08,541
- What more do you need, Jonesy?
- How about women?
770
00:56:09,295 --> 00:56:10,754
I'm shocked.
771
00:56:10,922 --> 00:56:13,591
I never would have pegged you two
as homophobes.
772
00:56:13,674 --> 00:56:17,458
What the hell do you guys have
against gay people, anyway?
773
00:56:18,179 --> 00:56:21,879
We've got nothing against gays.
Some of my best friends' friends are gay.
774
00:56:22,057 --> 00:56:23,552
That's right.
775
00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:39,189
- Holy shit.
- What's that?
776
00:56:39,282 --> 00:56:42,200
The Mikey Chronicles, man.
The Sacred Scam Scrolls.
777
00:56:42,577 --> 00:56:44,036
This is the black book?
778
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:46,789
I want you to have it, David.
I don't need it anymore.
779
00:56:46,956 --> 00:56:50,123
Look at all these numbers.
What are these little black diamonds?
780
00:56:50,209 --> 00:56:52,996
Stick to the blue squares.
I'd hate to see you get hurt.
781
00:56:53,087 --> 00:56:54,665
This is bigger than I thought.
782
00:56:54,755 --> 00:56:58,254
That chick must have really snuck up
from behind and nailed you.
783
00:57:12,981 --> 00:57:13,894
David?
784
00:57:13,982 --> 00:57:16,021
You must be Nikki.
I hope I'm not too early.
785
00:57:16,109 --> 00:57:18,101
- So you're a friend of Mike's?
- Yeah.
786
00:57:21,781 --> 00:57:23,690
David, Mike owes me $200.
787
00:57:24,659 --> 00:57:25,654
Is cash okay?
788
00:57:36,295 --> 00:57:37,291
Hi.
789
00:57:38,964 --> 00:57:40,292
Come on in.
790
00:58:17,167 --> 00:58:19,160
David. What are you doing here?
791
00:58:23,340 --> 00:58:27,717
If you're this upset, then why has
it taken you two weeks to call me back?
792
00:58:27,802 --> 00:58:30,258
I've been busy.
793
00:58:30,388 --> 00:58:32,427
Never mind that. Who's this guy?
794
00:58:32,557 --> 00:58:35,890
He's my boss. And all he did was
offer me a new position.
795
00:58:35,977 --> 00:58:39,476
What's the matter, our old positions
aren't good enough for you anymore?
796
00:58:39,563 --> 00:58:41,022
As a designer.
797
00:58:41,106 --> 00:58:44,641
He wants an answer,
but I told him I had to talk to you first.
798
00:58:44,735 --> 00:58:46,692
This is about more than a job offer.
799
00:58:46,779 --> 00:58:49,067
You tell me to explore,
to meet other women.
800
00:58:49,156 --> 00:58:50,733
That's got nothing to do with this.
801
00:58:50,824 --> 00:58:53,576
I can't make a decision until I know
all the variables...
802
00:58:53,660 --> 00:58:55,653
...one of which is still in your hands.
803
00:58:55,954 --> 00:58:57,946
Great. So now I'm just a variable.
804
00:59:00,208 --> 00:59:03,375
This has just gotten more complicated.
805
00:59:05,129 --> 00:59:08,581
Why don't you just admit it?
You love it there.
806
00:59:08,674 --> 00:59:12,339
You don't want to say no to this offer
and I'm not going to be a reason you do.
807
00:59:12,428 --> 00:59:16,757
Look, if you already have made up
your mind, then say so.
808
00:59:17,474 --> 00:59:20,226
But don't try to hide behind
some noble gesture...
809
00:59:20,310 --> 00:59:21,769
...of not holding me back.
810
00:59:22,437 --> 00:59:24,145
Why don't we be fair here?
811
00:59:24,231 --> 00:59:27,481
Things have changed, Sarah.
This is no longer just my decision.
812
00:59:27,567 --> 00:59:30,485
You're right, it isn't.
And that's why I'm coming home early.
813
00:59:31,488 --> 00:59:32,437
What?
814
00:59:32,530 --> 00:59:34,902
They're paying for me
to come home and talk to you.
815
00:59:34,991 --> 00:59:36,616
They really want me, David.
816
00:59:36,701 --> 00:59:38,658
Possibly more than you do.
817
00:59:48,421 --> 00:59:50,413
Oh, shit.
818
01:00:01,099 --> 01:00:02,510
Dave!
819
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:10,600
What's up, man?
De-bachelorising for the little lady.
820
01:00:10,692 --> 01:00:13,811
She gets back today. What's up?
You didn't get me a coffee?
821
01:00:13,903 --> 01:00:15,362
I didn't know how you took it.
822
01:00:15,446 --> 01:00:17,818
But here, I grabbed your mail
on the way in.
823
01:00:17,907 --> 01:00:19,366
So what's the verdict?
824
01:00:19,450 --> 01:00:22,367
I get to comb the thrift stores
for a new, used suit or what?
825
01:00:22,453 --> 01:00:25,370
Not yet. I'm just as confused as ever.
826
01:00:42,514 --> 01:00:44,008
Are you all right?
827
01:00:45,642 --> 01:00:47,883
- Just lock up when you leave.
- What?
828
01:00:57,403 --> 01:00:59,360
I wasn't sure if you'd be here.
829
01:00:59,447 --> 01:01:01,902
I'm here. Where else would I be?
830
01:01:03,325 --> 01:01:05,946
- What's this?
- I'm going to New York.
831
01:01:09,748 --> 01:01:10,779
What?
832
01:01:13,335 --> 01:01:15,411
- What?
- There's somebody I got to see.
833
01:01:15,503 --> 01:01:18,588
- What are you talking about?
- Options, remember? Just in case.
834
01:01:18,757 --> 01:01:20,085
You're out of options!
835
01:01:20,175 --> 01:01:23,259
This means staying here or going back.
These are your options.
836
01:01:23,386 --> 01:01:25,675
- Sarah.
- No, listen.
837
01:01:25,888 --> 01:01:29,138
Listen to me carefully.
I flew back here for one reason...
838
01:01:29,225 --> 01:01:33,222
...and that was to give you a chance
to talk me out of taking this job.
839
01:01:33,687 --> 01:01:36,095
I can't do that until I do this.
840
01:01:38,275 --> 01:01:42,059
I won't be here when you get back.
I swear to God, I won't.
841
01:01:43,155 --> 01:01:44,898
This is it, David.
842
01:01:46,533 --> 01:01:47,944
I know.
843
01:02:00,630 --> 01:02:04,627
There are times in life when you have
to make extremely difficult choices.
844
01:02:05,051 --> 01:02:08,799
And there are times when it seems like
you don't have a choice at all.
845
01:02:08,888 --> 01:02:10,596
Like those rare moments...
846
01:02:10,681 --> 01:02:14,216
...when your only option practically
shows up in your mailbox.
847
01:02:23,485 --> 01:02:25,109
- David!
- Tyler.
848
01:02:27,030 --> 01:02:28,524
I'm psyched you're here.
849
01:02:28,615 --> 01:02:31,188
- You look great.
- It really means a lot to me.
850
01:02:31,743 --> 01:02:34,993
- So what the hell are you doing here?
- I know it's sudden.
851
01:02:35,079 --> 01:02:36,704
I just wanted to see you.
852
01:02:36,789 --> 01:02:40,158
Things are gonna start getting crazy
for you and Julie.
853
01:02:40,376 --> 01:02:43,377
And I wanted to see you. Both of you.
854
01:02:43,671 --> 01:02:45,710
I talked to Sarah, you know.
855
01:02:45,881 --> 01:02:49,001
She said that you guys met up
when she was in town.
856
01:02:49,426 --> 01:02:52,344
No. I talked to her about three hours ago.
857
01:02:52,429 --> 01:02:55,134
She called,
while you were in the air, from LA.
858
01:02:55,849 --> 01:02:59,348
- She's freaking out.
- Everything's fine.
859
01:02:59,436 --> 01:03:02,271
I know what you're going through.
It's a scary leap.
860
01:03:02,355 --> 01:03:04,763
The trick is you have to let go
of your fears...
861
01:03:04,858 --> 01:03:07,527
...and just kind of go for it.
862
01:03:08,444 --> 01:03:12,027
Believe me, the worst thing you can do
is lose the right girl...
863
01:03:12,115 --> 01:03:13,739
...because of a fear of commitment.
864
01:03:13,824 --> 01:03:16,315
The worst thing you can do
is marry the wrong girl...
865
01:03:16,410 --> 01:03:18,035
...because of a fear of loneliness.
866
01:03:22,374 --> 01:03:25,708
I can't wait for you to meet her.
I've told her all about you.
867
01:03:25,794 --> 01:03:26,660
You have?
868
01:03:26,753 --> 01:03:29,588
Yeah. I told her about all you guys.
I had to warn her.
869
01:03:29,673 --> 01:03:32,342
Even my name?
You didn't mention my name.
870
01:03:33,635 --> 01:03:35,711
No, of course not your name.
871
01:03:35,804 --> 01:03:39,137
We refer to you all by your general nature,
like the Indians.
872
01:03:39,224 --> 01:03:40,718
Mike is "Fucks Whatever Moves."
873
01:03:40,808 --> 01:03:42,682
You're
"Dances Around Major Life Decisions."
874
01:03:42,769 --> 01:03:44,975
What'd she say,
when you mentioned my name?
875
01:03:45,271 --> 01:03:47,098
- What is wrong with you?
- I'm sorry.
876
01:03:47,732 --> 01:03:50,816
What would she possibly say about...
Oh, there she is.
877
01:04:14,466 --> 01:04:16,588
This is David. David, this is Julie.
878
01:04:16,676 --> 01:04:20,127
So nice to finally meet you.
I feel like I already know you.
879
01:04:20,513 --> 01:04:23,300
- I feel the same way.
- Isn't she beautiful?
880
01:04:23,432 --> 01:04:26,102
You look like I did first time
I laid eyes on her.
881
01:04:26,394 --> 01:04:27,804
I just knew right away.
882
01:04:27,895 --> 01:04:30,184
It hit me like a blinding realisation, like...
883
01:04:30,272 --> 01:04:31,683
Pure truth.
884
01:04:33,067 --> 01:04:34,691
Was he always this sappy?
885
01:04:34,777 --> 01:04:38,192
- Since I met you, baby.
- Will you order me a drink?
886
01:04:38,614 --> 01:04:41,235
I'm going to go to the ladies' room.
Excuse me.
887
01:04:48,456 --> 01:04:52,584
Now you know, buddy.
Now you understand.
888
01:05:31,080 --> 01:05:33,998
That's it. This guy Jeff works
at Tyler's firm...
889
01:05:34,292 --> 01:05:36,414
...knew my roommate,
and they hooked us up.
890
01:05:36,502 --> 01:05:37,961
End of story.
891
01:05:39,255 --> 01:05:43,122
That's... Wow, what a story.
892
01:05:44,343 --> 01:05:46,834
The important thing is
that you ended up together?
893
01:05:47,262 --> 01:05:48,211
Yeah.
894
01:05:48,305 --> 01:05:51,056
I mean, think of all the people
you've met in your lives.
895
01:05:51,141 --> 01:05:53,383
All the paths taken, not taken.
896
01:05:53,935 --> 01:05:57,684
You can probably trace back to
your very first romantic memory.
897
01:05:58,481 --> 01:06:01,767
- Lf you tried.
- Oh, yeah. Fifth grade drama class.
898
01:06:02,735 --> 01:06:06,899
Miss Liska had us lie on the ground
and pretend we were driftwood.
899
01:06:07,156 --> 01:06:09,564
And then as she walked
around the "beach"...
900
01:06:10,117 --> 01:06:12,988
...she would step over us...
- We get it.
901
01:06:13,245 --> 01:06:14,574
That's nice, sweetie.
902
01:06:16,957 --> 01:06:18,700
What about you, Julie?
903
01:06:23,463 --> 01:06:25,372
Oh, no. The airport guy?
904
01:06:25,465 --> 01:06:29,878
The airport guy?
What about the airport guy?
905
01:06:29,970 --> 01:06:33,753
- Tell me about this airport guy.
- It's okay, honey.
906
01:06:33,932 --> 01:06:35,592
He's a friend.
907
01:06:40,855 --> 01:06:42,053
Okay.
908
01:06:43,858 --> 01:06:47,690
I was travelling with my family once.
909
01:06:47,862 --> 01:06:49,320
We were in an airport...
910
01:06:49,488 --> 01:06:52,857
...and this guy came up to me
from out of nowhere.
911
01:06:56,703 --> 01:07:00,037
And he started,
saying all these strange things to me...
912
01:07:00,123 --> 01:07:02,579
...about how he felt something
when he saw me...
913
01:07:02,667 --> 01:07:04,660
...and he wondered if I felt it, too.
914
01:07:04,753 --> 01:07:07,670
I didn't know what to say,
so I just kind of smiled at him.
915
01:07:07,756 --> 01:07:09,214
He gave me his address...
916
01:07:09,299 --> 01:07:11,968
...and asked, if I felt the same
I should write him.
917
01:07:12,051 --> 01:07:15,385
And as he walked away,
I had this frozen grin on my face.
918
01:07:15,555 --> 01:07:18,508
I didn't want to agitate him or anything.
919
01:07:18,683 --> 01:07:21,220
I was terrified
that he was going to hurt me.
920
01:07:21,519 --> 01:07:23,974
Can you believe that?
How old were you, honey?
921
01:07:24,063 --> 01:07:26,102
- Eleven.
- Eleven years old.
922
01:07:26,190 --> 01:07:28,515
If that son of a bitch
were here right now...
923
01:07:28,609 --> 01:07:29,889
But you wrote him!
924
01:07:30,986 --> 01:07:35,897
I mean, did you ever write him?
925
01:07:36,074 --> 01:07:39,075
No. Of course not.
926
01:07:43,706 --> 01:07:46,541
Honey, do you want me to finish the story
for you?
927
01:07:46,626 --> 01:07:48,286
- There's more?
- Yeah.
928
01:07:48,378 --> 01:07:51,248
No, it's okay. I can do this.
929
01:07:52,381 --> 01:07:56,295
So as soon as the guy was gone
I threw the address away.
930
01:07:57,261 --> 01:08:00,879
But what I didn't know at the
time was that my little sister Katie...
931
01:08:01,181 --> 01:08:03,637
...who was two years younger than me...
932
01:08:04,143 --> 01:08:06,894
...saw everything.
933
01:08:10,148 --> 01:08:12,022
She wanted to be like me.
934
01:08:12,108 --> 01:08:16,936
She worshipped me
and she started writing this creep, as me.
935
01:08:18,156 --> 01:08:20,528
She even sent him my picture.
936
01:08:20,617 --> 01:08:23,107
Then, of course, when he wrote back...
937
01:08:23,286 --> 01:08:26,571
...weird stuff about how
he wanted to run away with her...
938
01:08:26,664 --> 01:08:27,944
...and make babies.
939
01:08:28,040 --> 01:08:30,163
Can you imagine that? Make babies?
940
01:08:30,251 --> 01:08:32,872
And this is before the Internet.
What a sicko.
941
01:08:33,420 --> 01:08:35,792
- I'm sorry, honey. Are you all right?
- But...
942
01:08:38,092 --> 01:08:40,547
...did you ever find out who this guy was?
943
01:08:41,261 --> 01:08:43,218
My parents did.
944
01:08:43,472 --> 01:08:44,752
Sort of.
945
01:08:44,931 --> 01:08:48,680
They overheard Katie
bragging to me about her boyfriend.
946
01:08:48,810 --> 01:08:50,470
She had mentioned it before...
947
01:08:50,603 --> 01:08:54,138
...so we just assumed it was
this imaginary play friend or something.
948
01:08:54,232 --> 01:08:58,146
But when she started telling me about how
he'd promised to run away with her...
949
01:08:58,236 --> 01:09:00,394
...and make love to her...
950
01:09:00,530 --> 01:09:02,652
- Under the stars.
...they stepped in.
951
01:09:03,616 --> 01:09:05,407
She was only nine.
952
01:09:06,660 --> 01:09:08,949
So my dad called the authorities...
953
01:09:09,914 --> 01:09:11,823
...gave them the guy's address...
954
01:09:11,915 --> 01:09:15,284
...and, as was his style,
told us to forget the whole thing!
955
01:09:16,795 --> 01:09:18,788
It wasn't until years later...
956
01:09:18,964 --> 01:09:22,664
...that I realized the guy
thought he was writing me.
957
01:09:23,051 --> 01:09:26,502
And then I pieced it together,
and I remembered the airport incident.
958
01:09:26,763 --> 01:09:28,174
But I never told anyone.
959
01:09:33,561 --> 01:09:34,889
I have to go.
960
01:09:36,355 --> 01:09:38,893
- Are you all right?
- Where are you going?
961
01:09:39,317 --> 01:09:41,986
I have to... Thank you for the...
962
01:09:43,696 --> 01:09:46,732
Congratulations with... Good-bye.
963
01:09:54,039 --> 01:09:55,367
I'd seen the light.
964
01:09:55,540 --> 01:09:59,039
It was this glaringly-obvious,
blind realisation...
965
01:09:59,336 --> 01:10:00,580
...like pure truth.
966
01:10:00,670 --> 01:10:04,964
And it was not about anyone in particular,
but about people in general.
967
01:10:06,217 --> 01:10:10,879
I realised at that moment
there is no such thing as "the one."
968
01:10:11,055 --> 01:10:14,887
It's more of a mind-boggling,
whole hell of a lot of potential ones.
969
01:10:15,059 --> 01:10:19,222
And while that should be comforting,
it was actually pretty terrifying.
970
01:10:20,189 --> 01:10:23,225
We'd all like to kick back
and wait for some magical force...
971
01:10:23,317 --> 01:10:26,353
...to show us who we should spend
the rest of our lives with.
972
01:10:26,445 --> 01:10:27,607
But the truth is...
973
01:10:27,696 --> 01:10:30,650
...there isn't a lightning bolt
to slap you on the ass...
974
01:10:30,740 --> 01:10:33,575
...and tell you to pick
this person over all others.
975
01:10:33,660 --> 01:10:36,067
If anything, it's like the rain.
976
01:10:37,413 --> 01:10:39,205
Rain falls all the time.
977
01:10:39,290 --> 01:10:42,208
Sometimes you're prepared for it,
sometimes you're not.
978
01:10:42,293 --> 01:10:46,338
Depending where you are when it hits
you either get caught or you don't.
979
01:10:46,923 --> 01:10:50,541
In fact, most of us usually try like hell
to avoid it.
980
01:10:51,927 --> 01:10:54,383
You might miss the bus.
You might catch the bus.
981
01:10:54,471 --> 01:10:57,342
Maybe you remembered your umbrella,
maybe you didn't.
982
01:10:57,724 --> 01:10:59,267
No big signs.
983
01:10:59,351 --> 01:11:02,601
Just random,
torrential bursts of opportunity.
984
01:11:04,106 --> 01:11:07,889
And that's the most fate can do.
The rest is up to us.
985
01:11:08,526 --> 01:11:11,148
And now, by the power vested in me...
986
01:11:12,405 --> 01:11:15,441
...I now pronounce you husband and wife.
987
01:11:16,909 --> 01:11:18,368
You may kiss the bride.
988
01:12:00,826 --> 01:12:04,277
So the eternal bachelor
was the first one to go.
989
01:12:04,371 --> 01:12:06,909
I don't think I'll ever understand men.
990
01:12:09,501 --> 01:12:12,039
- You look amazing.
- Thanks.
991
01:12:13,171 --> 01:12:15,460
I'm very happy for you. I mean it.
992
01:12:16,508 --> 01:12:18,002
Thanks.
993
01:12:18,260 --> 01:12:20,548
I had a tough time for those
first few months.
994
01:12:20,637 --> 01:12:21,835
It was really hard.
995
01:12:21,930 --> 01:12:24,634
But then I had to take Nicole
to the emergency room...
996
01:12:24,766 --> 01:12:27,932
...to get her stomach pumped again
and there he was.
997
01:12:29,187 --> 01:12:30,515
Our eyes just met...
998
01:12:30,605 --> 01:12:35,266
...and it was like
this indescribable feeling like...
999
01:12:35,359 --> 01:12:38,443
I get it. Not that happy yet.
1000
01:12:43,534 --> 01:12:46,285
It's terrific you found someone
who deserves you.
1001
01:12:47,913 --> 01:12:51,780
But I'd be lying
if I said I didn't miss our friendship.
1002
01:13:22,571 --> 01:13:26,070
Okay. I think it's time
to stir things up on the dance floor.
1003
01:13:26,283 --> 01:13:27,231
Join me?
1004
01:13:27,325 --> 01:13:30,326
I think I'll pass.
I didn't bring any singles with me.
1005
01:13:31,079 --> 01:13:32,158
Joke.
1006
01:13:32,288 --> 01:13:35,989
Please remember there are
impressionable children out there.
1007
01:13:36,084 --> 01:13:38,206
- Let's keep it PG-13.
- No problem.
1008
01:13:38,544 --> 01:13:40,169
Hand me that dildo, will you?
1009
01:13:44,800 --> 01:13:45,915
- Amy.
- Yeah.
1010
01:13:46,010 --> 01:13:49,260
- Haven't seen her since college.
- She's great.
1011
01:13:49,847 --> 01:13:53,975
- You two...
- No. We're just friends.
1012
01:13:57,229 --> 01:14:00,598
I saw that goofy-looking bastard
that Sarah's with.
1013
01:14:00,690 --> 01:14:05,019
That guy, he's like missing
a chromosome or something.
1014
01:14:05,570 --> 01:14:08,606
- What a freak.
- We both know he's an attractive guy.
1015
01:14:09,949 --> 01:14:11,360
But, thank you for trying.
1016
01:14:13,828 --> 01:14:15,867
I bet he's no brain surgeon.
1017
01:14:17,832 --> 01:14:19,160
Shit. Really?
1018
01:14:20,751 --> 01:14:22,293
There you are.
1019
01:14:23,337 --> 01:14:24,748
Baby, you remember David.
1020
01:14:24,880 --> 01:14:27,453
You met him at the restaurant
a couple months ago.
1021
01:14:27,549 --> 01:14:29,874
Glad you didn't have to rush out
early today.
1022
01:14:30,552 --> 01:14:32,130
It was a beautiful ceremony.
1023
01:14:32,220 --> 01:14:35,138
Thank you. I'm just glad
my little sister got to catch the end.
1024
01:14:35,223 --> 01:14:37,346
Katie showed up? Honey, that's great.
1025
01:14:37,434 --> 01:14:39,972
I didn't think she would make it.
What happened?
1026
01:14:40,061 --> 01:14:42,054
- Your sister is here?
- Yeah.
1027
01:14:42,522 --> 01:14:46,566
But she doesn't like weddings.
She never got over that airport guy.
1028
01:14:46,651 --> 01:14:49,320
- The paedophile, the sicko.
- Asshole.
1029
01:14:49,487 --> 01:14:51,230
Honey, settle down.
1030
01:14:52,239 --> 01:14:54,647
You know I should really
introduce you two.
1031
01:14:55,534 --> 01:14:58,072
- You would totally hit it off.
- What a great idea.
1032
01:14:58,162 --> 01:15:01,613
- Why don't you go get her?
- No, no. That's not necessary.
1033
01:15:01,999 --> 01:15:06,245
- Virgin. Hot.
- I think I see her. Stay here.
1034
01:15:06,336 --> 01:15:07,581
I'll be right back.
1035
01:15:07,671 --> 01:15:11,751
What's the matter? You look like you did
the night at the restaurant when you...
1036
01:15:11,841 --> 01:15:13,004
I have to go.
1037
01:15:13,510 --> 01:15:14,672
...bolted.
1038
01:15:34,488 --> 01:15:37,691
- Lightning Taxi.
- Hi. I need a cab. Fast.
1039
01:15:40,452 --> 01:15:43,488
Ladies and gentlemen at this time,
Mike Hanson, the best man...
1040
01:15:43,580 --> 01:15:46,249
...would like to make a toast
to Julie and Tyler.
1041
01:15:49,627 --> 01:15:51,122
All right, thank you.
1042
01:15:52,297 --> 01:15:54,206
Thank you.
1043
01:16:00,054 --> 01:16:01,632
Many of you don't know me...
1044
01:16:01,722 --> 01:16:06,301
...but I had the pleasure of being...
1045
01:16:06,977 --> 01:16:09,682
...Tyler's roommate
in our fraternity house at school.
1046
01:16:09,772 --> 01:16:14,813
Yeah, you were! Phi Lamb!
Who's my boy, Mikey? You're my boy!
1047
01:16:16,653 --> 01:16:19,820
And today I have the privilege...
1048
01:16:20,824 --> 01:16:23,196
...of being the best man in his wedding.
1049
01:16:23,660 --> 01:16:28,286
Suffice it to say, I was shocked
to hear that he was getting married.
1050
01:16:28,748 --> 01:16:32,413
But over time as I talked to him
on the phone...
1051
01:16:33,377 --> 01:16:34,788
...I began to understand.
1052
01:16:34,879 --> 01:16:38,295
We used to do everything together.
We were joined at the hip.
1053
01:16:38,382 --> 01:16:41,217
It struck me that
what these two people were doing...
1054
01:16:41,302 --> 01:16:44,006
...was giving themselves in to...
1055
01:16:45,556 --> 01:16:47,513
...a blinding realisation.
1056
01:16:48,392 --> 01:16:49,720
Pure truth.
1057
01:16:50,477 --> 01:16:55,186
They stood before everyone they knew
and confessed their new found selves.
1058
01:16:55,273 --> 01:16:59,105
I don't know,
but witnessing such strength...
1059
01:16:59,277 --> 01:17:01,602
...and courage in my friends...
1060
01:17:02,155 --> 01:17:05,072
...inspires me in a way
which I can barely put into words.
1061
01:17:11,289 --> 01:17:14,740
You see, while many of you
don't know me...
1062
01:17:15,125 --> 01:17:17,248
...the rest of you only think you do.
1063
01:17:17,544 --> 01:17:20,878
The truth is you're about to meet
Mike Hanson for the first time.
1064
01:17:23,383 --> 01:17:25,376
My name is Mike Hanson...
1065
01:17:26,553 --> 01:17:28,380
...and I'm a raging homosexual.
1066
01:17:34,936 --> 01:17:36,560
Thank you.
1067
01:17:40,733 --> 01:17:43,402
I didn't really know him that well.
1068
01:17:45,571 --> 01:17:48,821
And let's give it up to the newlyweds.
Congrats, guys.
1069
01:17:58,041 --> 01:17:59,666
Hit it.
1070
01:18:12,680 --> 01:18:15,349
Why does everybody keep trying
to set me up?
1071
01:18:15,516 --> 01:18:17,556
They're never him.
1072
01:18:17,727 --> 01:18:19,933
Katie, please come out and meet him.
1073
01:18:30,656 --> 01:18:32,648
You look amazing.
1074
01:18:34,284 --> 01:18:37,071
All right, let's go meet this guy.
1075
01:18:42,917 --> 01:18:44,827
Ladies! There you are!
1076
01:18:45,378 --> 01:18:48,545
- Katie, I'm so glad that you could make it.
- Thank you.
1077
01:18:49,382 --> 01:18:52,548
- We have to go. The limo is here.
- Wait. Have you seen David?
1078
01:18:53,469 --> 01:18:57,217
No. I think he left with Mike and Amy
because I haven't seen them, either.
1079
01:18:57,306 --> 01:18:59,631
But you know what?
We should forget about them.
1080
01:18:59,725 --> 01:19:02,263
I'm gonna meet you up front.
We really have to go.
1081
01:19:02,895 --> 01:19:05,599
- It's okay. You just go.
- No. You're coming with us.
1082
01:19:05,689 --> 01:19:08,643
No. It's your day. Don't worry about me.
I'll be fine.
1083
01:19:08,734 --> 01:19:11,225
- Are you sure?
- Positive. Just go, all right?
1084
01:19:11,319 --> 01:19:13,146
- Love you.
- Love you, too.
1085
01:19:17,450 --> 01:19:20,237
So, I don't mean to belittle
your big announcement...
1086
01:19:20,328 --> 01:19:22,819
...but come on, Mike,
you never even worked retail.
1087
01:19:23,081 --> 01:19:24,456
It makes sense.
1088
01:19:24,540 --> 01:19:28,455
All my life I've treated women like dirt,
never letting them get too close...
1089
01:19:28,544 --> 01:19:30,335
...just using and cruising.
1090
01:19:31,130 --> 01:19:33,502
That doesn't make you a homosexual.
1091
01:19:33,924 --> 01:19:35,917
It makes you an asshole.
1092
01:19:46,686 --> 01:19:50,731
- Excuse me, are you waiting for someone?
- No, I'm not waiting, I'm not waiting.
1093
01:19:50,899 --> 01:19:53,224
Wait a minute, that's my cab! That's my...
1094
01:20:18,634 --> 01:20:20,507
These insolent swine!
1095
01:20:20,886 --> 01:20:24,052
They call you and they tell you
to come right away. Big hurry!
1096
01:20:24,139 --> 01:20:25,882
And you come, they're not there.
1097
01:20:36,609 --> 01:20:39,278
And I feel like...
How do you say, "assholes"?
1098
01:20:39,362 --> 01:20:40,772
Yeah, I know the feeling.
1099
01:20:42,198 --> 01:20:45,317
You know the feeling?
Do you know the feeling?
1100
01:20:51,748 --> 01:20:54,156
So it was nice wedding, yes?
1101
01:20:55,752 --> 01:20:57,626
No, not again!
1102
01:21:00,423 --> 01:21:01,337
My God!
1103
01:21:02,217 --> 01:21:03,759
No, no. Please get up.
1104
01:21:08,514 --> 01:21:10,174
Are you all right?
1105
01:21:25,906 --> 01:21:28,112
It's you.
1106
01:21:30,035 --> 01:21:32,704
I have been looking everywhere for you.
1107
01:21:36,958 --> 01:21:38,749
What took you so long?
1108
01:21:55,059 --> 01:21:57,846
I feel all tingly inside.
1109
01:21:58,479 --> 01:22:00,886
I know. So do I.
1110
01:22:01,440 --> 01:22:03,479
No, in a scary way.
1111
01:22:06,278 --> 01:22:09,278
Right. We should get you to a hospital.
1112
01:22:32,344 --> 01:22:34,004
What are you doing?
1113
01:22:34,596 --> 01:22:36,256
You said you were gay.
1114
01:22:36,348 --> 01:22:37,926
Yeah, and your point is?
90116
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