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1
00:00:07,650 --> 00:00:10,280
‐ Terry, will you hand me the deatomizer?
The Phillips one.
2
00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:11,910
The booster manifold is misaligned.
3
00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:15,440
‐ Man, hey, I took this quiz to find out
what Jet‐Skis fit my personality
4
00:00:15,450 --> 00:00:17,700
and turns out, all of them do.
Look at this.
5
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:19,990
KORVO: Ah, Terry, help!
‐ Oh, I'm sorry.
6
00:00:19,990 --> 00:00:21,490
‐ Oh, my beautiful body.
‐ Oh, God.
7
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:23,000
‐ Put me in the thing, Terry.
Put me in the medical thing.
8
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,000
‐ I don't‐‐ I don't know
what you're talking about.
9
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,550
‐ The thing with the red light.
‐ What thing, which thing, what thing?
10
00:00:25,540 --> 00:00:27,000
Which thing? Point to the thing.
‐ Right there.
11
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,620
Oh, God, I'm slipping away.
My one regret.
12
00:00:28,630 --> 00:00:30,970
I didn't read enough manuals.
Tell everyone you know
13
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,840
to take the time to read more manuals
or they'll regret‐‐
14
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:35,130
‐ Ah!
15
00:00:35,510 --> 00:00:37,140
‐ [pained groans]
16
00:00:40,930 --> 00:00:41,930
[ding]
17
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:44,680
‐ That didn't seem too bad, honestly.
18
00:00:45,020 --> 00:00:47,690
‐ You are so annoying.
I'm up there doing dangerous work.
19
00:00:48,980 --> 00:00:51,400
that it didn't seem too bad.
What else do you need, man?
20
00:00:53,110 --> 00:00:56,110
and you, you just, you make it worse.
‐ All right, look, breathe.
21
00:00:56,110 --> 00:00:58,940
The only thing that matters
is today we're gettin' a Jet‐Ski.
22
00:00:58,950 --> 00:01:01,290
By this afternoon, we're gonna be
jumpin' the wake,
23
00:01:01,290 --> 00:01:03,330
gleamin' the cube, dockin' the dog.
24
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:06,300
Bologna sandwich in one hand,
and a, and a Mountain Dew in the other.
25
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:11,590
I've gleamed many items before,
but never a cube.
26
00:01:11,590 --> 00:01:13,930
‐ It's gonna be fun in the sun
from now on.
27
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,130
A Jet‐Ski is exactly
what you need to relax.
28
00:01:16,130 --> 00:01:18,170
‐ You're right.
I‐I need to stop stressing out so much.
29
00:01:18,180 --> 00:01:21,520
I'm gooblering more than Zortex
at the Camoodian Eve parade.
30
00:01:21,510 --> 00:01:23,510
‐ Poof, whatever that means.
31
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:24,770
‐ Why are your jeans in the freezer?
32
00:01:31,820 --> 00:01:35,370
I allow myself a day
with blue fucking ice cubes?
33
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,270
[yells]
34
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,200
[retches]
35
00:01:42,910 --> 00:01:45,490
‐ Um, hey, little fella.
36
00:01:47,830 --> 00:01:48,660
‐ Get fucked!
37
00:01:53,090 --> 00:01:55,220
‐ What, what do the red ones do?
38
00:01:55,220 --> 00:01:57,510
‐ I don't know.
39
00:01:58,470 --> 00:02:00,520
KORVO:
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia.
40
00:02:00,510 --> 00:02:02,470
Until the asteroid hit.
41
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,050
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa
42
00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:07,980
and escaped into, uh, the space,
43
00:02:07,980 --> 00:02:10,400
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
44
00:02:11,190 --> 00:02:14,200
We crashed on Earth, stranding us
on an already overpopulated planet.
45
00:02:14,190 --> 00:02:15,980
That's right,
I've been talking this whole time.
46
00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:17,780
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
My name's Korvo.
47
00:02:17,780 --> 00:02:19,490
This is‐‐ this is my show.
I just dropped the Pupa.
48
00:02:19,490 --> 00:02:21,540
Do you see me?
This, this is ridiculous.
49
00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:23,530
I hate Earth.
It's a horrible home.
50
00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:25,870
People are stupid.
Everyone claims to like old people
51
00:02:25,870 --> 00:02:27,380
but they're not fucking them.
52
00:02:27,370 --> 00:02:29,410
I fuck old people all the time.
They love me.
53
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:33,960
♪
54
00:02:36,970 --> 00:02:38,760
‐ Hey, at lunch, do you wanna
see what happens
55
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:40,140
if we drink all the sodas at once?
56
00:02:40,130 --> 00:02:42,800
‐ There's a Coke Zero chance
I wanna do that.
57
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,970
I have to focus on getting in
with the cool kids.
58
00:02:44,970 --> 00:02:46,550
There's an opening
at their lunch table now.
59
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,480
Ricky Smalling's in an iron lung.
‐ Ricky was super cool.
60
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:53,690
He was dating two of the Stacis.
Each Staci is worth like ten Rebeccas.
61
00:02:53,690 --> 00:02:56,280
You think you can fill that power vacuum?
62
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:59,070
‐ My plan is to just slip into the seat,
do nothing,
63
00:02:59,070 --> 00:03:00,950
then eventually, it'll seem normal
that I'm there.
64
00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:05,200
to Cooper Barn's party
and I'll learn so much about humanity.
65
00:03:09,710 --> 00:03:13,590
‐ Well, if you're getting in with them,
I'm getting in with the Stacis.
66
00:03:13,590 --> 00:03:15,970
[quietly]
'Cause I'm afraid of them.
67
00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:17,760
‐ Okay, so I'm paraphrasing here.
68
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,720
‐ You know I love when
you motherfucking paraphrase.
69
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,310
Give it to me, baby.
‐ Most gooblers are passive non‐verbal
70
00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,840
stress creatures who dance and sing
and wander off
71
00:03:24,850 --> 00:03:26,940
to go see the world or whatever they do.
72
00:03:26,930 --> 00:03:29,640
The red gooblers only appear
every 100,000th goobler.
73
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,350
‐ I knew you gooblered too much.
74
00:03:31,350 --> 00:03:33,140
[shouting]
Why are you always so stressed?
75
00:03:33,150 --> 00:03:35,150
Why, why, why?
Come on, tell me, man.
76
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,230
Their sole goal in life
is to kill the host
77
00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,700
either by direct violence
or by stressing them out so much
78
00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:44,040
that their body goes into something
called fetal shock.
79
00:03:44,030 --> 00:03:46,070
It's where your brain turns into
a baby and then you die.
80
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,750
‐ Well, good luck with that, baby brain.
‐ This is your fault.
81
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:51,340
At least half of these gooblers
were because of stupid shit you've done.
82
00:03:51,330 --> 00:03:53,700
‐ Okay, okay, look.
Don't make another red goobler.
83
00:03:53,710 --> 00:03:56,090
He probably already forgot
about you anyway. Gooblers are dumb.
84
00:03:57,550 --> 00:03:59,470
"I'm going to mill you"?
‐ Oh, my God.
85
00:03:59,460 --> 00:04:01,420
I think he means kill.
‐ [cackles]
86
00:04:05,350 --> 00:04:07,430
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
87
00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:10,440
♪
88
00:04:11,350 --> 00:04:12,350
[school bell rings]
89
00:04:12,350 --> 00:04:15,430
‐ All right, some of you may have
noticed you're going through changes.
90
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,240
Like Paul over here.
It's okay, Paul.
91
00:04:18,230 --> 00:04:20,810
Puberty is something
that happens to all of us.
92
00:04:20,820 --> 00:04:24,620
It's completely natural
and if you're like me, comes very early.
93
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,790
‐ Oh, no.
Oh, oh.
94
00:04:31,450 --> 00:04:33,910
[gasps]
Puberty!
95
00:04:34,370 --> 00:04:37,290
[gasps] Staci K.
[gasps] Staci F.
96
00:04:37,790 --> 00:04:39,460
‐ Staci G. is out.
97
00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:41,080
She went into the woods
to look for Slenderman.
98
00:04:41,090 --> 00:04:43,350
‐ Ugh, she's such a slut for Slenderman.
99
00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:52,190
And then, she's gonna force you
to eat a tampon.
100
00:04:52,180 --> 00:04:55,260
‐ I've been slow cooking it all day.
101
00:04:55,270 --> 00:04:58,110
[whispers] In my vagina.
‐ Uh...
102
00:04:58,110 --> 00:04:59,490
uh, oh!
103
00:05:01,110 --> 00:05:01,910
[both gasp]
104
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:05,770
‐ Wow, you are, like, so beautiful.
105
00:05:05,780 --> 00:05:08,910
I'm sure you get asked this all the time,
but can I touch your face?
106
00:05:08,910 --> 00:05:12,790
‐ Uh, I do not get asked that
all the time, and yeah.
107
00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:14,460
Touch away, Staci K.
108
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,670
‐ Aiden, Braden, Jaeden, Mark.
‐ Dude, that's Ricky's seat.
109
00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:19,090
‐ Was Ricky's seat.
110
00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:23,330
‐ So I'm at Benihana with my parents,
and my Juul dies.
111
00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:25,970
And I'm like, oh, shit.
But then I realize,
112
00:05:25,970 --> 00:05:28,100
I can just vape the onion steam.
113
00:05:29,350 --> 00:05:31,100
What are you listening to?
The sex?
114
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:32,850
[quietly]
I need to tell you something.
115
00:05:34,430 --> 00:05:36,390
Let's go recharge our headphones
and jerk off.
116
00:05:36,390 --> 00:05:38,470
‐ All right, fellas, keep it tight.
I love you.
117
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,570
I mean, okay.
You just blew that for me!
118
00:05:41,570 --> 00:05:44,620
I was totally in.
This is my cool kid table.
119
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,650
You gotta find your own
cool kids to hang with.
120
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:49,360
Like, those guys.
‐ Those are cool kids?
121
00:05:49,370 --> 00:05:53,460
‐ Yeah. I heard Lady Gaga wore
that same cone to the Latin Grammys.
122
00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:55,320
So awesome.
Good luck.
123
00:05:55,330 --> 00:05:57,500
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
124
00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:59,590
♪
125
00:06:03,050 --> 00:06:04,090
‐ Okay, you ready?
126
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:07,790
We gotta meet the guy
selling us the Jet‐Ski in an hour.
127
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,890
His name is Trent.
I mean, how Trent is that?
128
00:06:09,890 --> 00:06:11,770
‐ Yes, Terry, I'm almost finished
fortifying the house
129
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,470
in case that
little red butthole comes back.
130
00:06:13,470 --> 00:06:16,220
‐ Oh, right, yeah, I should probably
seal up all my hidden doors then.
131
00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:18,270
‐ What hidden doors?
‐ I only have a couple, don't worry.
132
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,360
♪
133
00:06:27,450 --> 00:06:30,120
‐ Terry, that Wetzel's is a money pit.
It doesn't have any foot traffic.
134
00:06:30,110 --> 00:06:31,990
‐ It takes a year for a business
to be profitable, okay?
135
00:06:31,990 --> 00:06:34,030
‐ But free pretzel day
is right around the corner.
136
00:06:36,660 --> 00:06:38,740
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
137
00:06:42,630 --> 00:06:43,630
[gunshot]
138
00:06:50,430 --> 00:06:52,930
‐ Hey, watch the nose. It's new.
‐ Fuck you, Craig.
139
00:06:52,930 --> 00:06:55,390
‐ Listen to me.
You're not gonna believe this.
140
00:06:55,390 --> 00:06:58,650
I just had such a good experience
with two girls in the bathroom,
141
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,270
and it's all because of this.
‐ Nobody cares.
142
00:07:01,270 --> 00:07:02,390
What the hell is that?
143
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,400
‐ That's what I've
been trying to tell you.
144
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,660
It's my special flower.
145
00:07:06,650 --> 00:07:08,730
♪ uplifting music playing ♪
146
00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:11,660
♪
147
00:07:13,660 --> 00:07:15,660
‐ I'm sorry I hit you in the nads, man.
‐ No.
148
00:07:17,580 --> 00:07:19,500
I know she just got stung
by a bunch of bees.
149
00:07:21,790 --> 00:07:24,290
‐ You did this.
‐ Yep, totally her fault.
150
00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:27,420
Should we bully her until she decides
to pursue a career in the arts?
151
00:07:27,420 --> 00:07:28,460
‐ No, man, she's cool.
152
00:07:28,460 --> 00:07:30,460
Jesse, you should come
to the big party tonight.
153
00:07:30,470 --> 00:07:32,810
See you there?
‐ Ha, you betcha.
154
00:07:35,430 --> 00:07:37,810
I can't believe the court made me
choose between her and my kids.
155
00:07:37,810 --> 00:07:40,900
‐ Now this can do sick flips, right?
I mean, they have to be really sick.
156
00:07:40,890 --> 00:07:43,520
‐ Oh, yeah, they're sick, dude.
We had some great times together.
157
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,770
Ah, I just want to make sure
she goes to a good home, you know?
158
00:07:45,770 --> 00:07:47,730
‐ [loud bang]
‐ Red goobler got a gun!
159
00:07:48,530 --> 00:07:51,780
‐ That was a car backfiring, dude.
Is someone huntin' you?
160
00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:53,740
I'm not sure that's the right
home environment
161
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,040
for a refined vehicle like this.
162
00:07:57,540 --> 00:07:59,670
is a great deal, Trent.
‐ I hear that.
163
00:07:59,660 --> 00:08:01,490
[chuckles]
Hey, you guys want to sit on this honey?
164
00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:04,420
‐ Me first.
‐ No, I'm going first, Terry.
165
00:08:04,420 --> 00:08:05,260
‐ The fuck out of my way!
166
00:08:09,630 --> 00:08:11,710
‐ Damn it, I'm gonna tell Korvo and Terry.
167
00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:14,470
They're gonna chop it right off your head
and no one will like you anymore.
168
00:08:14,470 --> 00:08:16,230
‐ No, don't, please don't tell them.
169
00:08:16,220 --> 00:08:19,180
‐ When I get home,
I'm going to ruin your life.
170
00:08:19,180 --> 00:08:21,640
‐ Not if I get there first.
171
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:22,930
[horns honking]
172
00:08:22,940 --> 00:08:25,070
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
173
00:08:25,060 --> 00:08:28,060
♪
174
00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:40,790
[glass shatters]
175
00:08:40,790 --> 00:08:41,960
[woman screams]
176
00:08:45,540 --> 00:08:46,910
Yeah!
177
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:47,970
[screaming]
178
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,500
Oh, god, oh, help me.
179
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:51,500
[groaning]
180
00:09:01,350 --> 00:09:04,770
‐ He's lost too much of
what I'm really hoping is blood.
181
00:09:05,810 --> 00:09:06,680
‐ No!
182
00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:15,660
‐ Thanks for saving my life, I guess.
‐ Thanks for not dying.
183
00:09:15,660 --> 00:09:16,830
‐ I'm still gonna tattle!
184
00:09:18,070 --> 00:09:19,240
‐ Ah, jeez.
185
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,320
♪ somber music playing ♪
186
00:09:21,330 --> 00:09:24,330
♪
187
00:09:27,210 --> 00:09:29,130
‐ Yeah.
‐ Wait till you get her on the water.
188
00:09:29,130 --> 00:09:30,630
‐ This goes on the water?
What?
189
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:36,380
I'm gonna sell her to you guys.
‐ Uh, so should we take her now?
190
00:09:36,380 --> 00:09:39,010
‐ You mind if I drop her off?
I just wanted to get one last ride in.
191
00:09:41,140 --> 00:09:43,560
‐ I got the red goobler.
‐ Wait, are you guys weird?
192
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:45,270
‐ No, no, no.
Look, okay.
193
00:09:45,270 --> 00:09:47,650
We've been playing a game of tag with
our best friends for the past 20 years.
194
00:09:47,650 --> 00:09:49,320
It's actually brought us
much closer together.
195
00:09:49,310 --> 00:09:50,890
We'll see you at our house later.
Thanks for the Jet‐Ski.
196
00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:51,950
You're cool.
Bye!
197
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:54,450
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
198
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:57,480
♪
199
00:10:05,620 --> 00:10:07,490
‐ [auctioneering]
200
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:08,630
...SpongeBob Square Pants...
201
00:10:08,630 --> 00:10:10,630
[auctioneering]
202
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,500
‐ Oof, I am sorry.
I freaked out a little.
203
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:17,890
But the good news is
we have secured the Jet‐Ski
204
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,630
and it looks like
the red goobler is gone.
205
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,670
Terry, did you poach eggs?
206
00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:25,150
‐ No, I only like scrambled, fried,
hard boiled, soft boiled,
207
00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:27,100
sunny side, over easy,
over medium, over hard,
208
00:10:27,100 --> 00:10:28,810
Easter, green, Benedict,
McMuffin and deviled.
209
00:10:28,810 --> 00:10:30,890
‐ The red goobler was here!
‐ Oh, I also like frittatas.
210
00:10:33,940 --> 00:10:35,770
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
211
00:10:35,780 --> 00:10:37,950
He's whispering to
the memory foam mattress, Terry.
212
00:10:37,950 --> 00:10:39,910
What is he telling it?
What does that mattress remember?
213
00:10:39,910 --> 00:10:41,620
‐ He unboxed my "Hunger Games" Funkos.
214
00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:44,080
Ah, I was saving President Snow
for my YouTube channel.
215
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:45,580
Now it's not even worth half a Phasma.
216
00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:49,200
That's a mom show.
‐ The son of a bitch
217
00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:51,380
took my jeans out of the freezer.
‐ Uh, I did that.
218
00:10:51,380 --> 00:10:53,090
Oh, my God, Trent is gonna be here soon.
219
00:10:53,090 --> 00:10:55,180
If he sees that and thinks someone
has asked me to blow them,
220
00:10:55,170 --> 00:10:56,790
there's no way
he's gonna sell us the Jet‐Ski.
221
00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:58,930
‐ No, no, no, no.
Easy, big guy. Don't get stressed.
222
00:10:58,930 --> 00:11:00,890
That's what he wants, okay?
We still have time to clean it up.
223
00:11:00,890 --> 00:11:02,890
‐ We can't tell the replicants
anything about the red goobler.
224
00:11:02,890 --> 00:11:04,350
I know Yumyulack will have night terrors
225
00:11:04,350 --> 00:11:06,020
and he'll end up
sleeping in our bed again.
226
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:10,060
I prom...
[gasps]
227
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,680
Yumyulack, look.
228
00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:15,030
‐ I got one, too. It's beautiful.
‐ Meh.
229
00:11:15,020 --> 00:11:16,520
‐ We have to hide these
from Korvo and Terry.
230
00:11:16,530 --> 00:11:18,530
It'll freak them out.
Terry will have night terrors
231
00:11:18,530 --> 00:11:20,240
and he'll end up sleeping
in one of our beds again.
232
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,080
‐ What? I thought you said
it wasn't special.
233
00:11:22,070 --> 00:11:24,110
‐ Yeah, but now I have one, so it's cool.
234
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:27,120
This is our ticket to Cooper Barn's party.
‐ They're coming.
235
00:11:29,290 --> 00:11:31,920
‐ So, how was, uh, how was your day?
‐ Fine.
236
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,380
How was your day?
‐ Equally fine.
237
00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:34,800
Yep, there's no such thing
as a red goobler.
238
00:11:34,790 --> 00:11:36,500
‐ I was just saying the same thing
about head flowers.
239
00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:37,920
KORVO/YUMYULACK: What?
TERRY/JESSE: Nothing.
240
00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:40,510
‐ I knew this day would come, but, man.
241
00:11:40,510 --> 00:11:43,470
It is hard to say good‐bye to something
you have been inside of.
242
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,680
‐ Oh.
‐ I, I meant metaphorically.
243
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,900
You know, whatever, dude.
‐ Okay, well, uh, good luck
244
00:11:47,890 --> 00:11:50,260
with that whole thing, Trent.
Um, we gotta go.
245
00:11:50,270 --> 00:11:51,820
We're late to get our backs waxed.
246
00:11:52,690 --> 00:11:54,230
‐ Hurry, trap him in the garage.
247
00:11:55,820 --> 00:11:57,320
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, get him.
‐ [cackling]
248
00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:58,660
‐ God damn it.
Shit, shit, grab him.
249
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,630
‐ [shuddering breaths]
A small red man did this.
250
00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:10,700
[gasping]
251
00:12:10,710 --> 00:12:13,550
And I don't mean that as, like,
derogatory toward little people.
252
00:12:13,540 --> 00:12:14,490
[groans]
253
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,920
Or Native Americans, dude.
254
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,090
He was just actually tiny and‐‐ red‐‐
255
00:12:19,670 --> 00:12:21,630
‐ This is bad, Terry.
The red goobler set us up.
256
00:12:21,630 --> 00:12:23,300
‐ What are we gonna do?
I can't go to prison.
257
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:25,670
I don't have a butthole.
How will I smuggle in treats?
258
00:12:30,180 --> 00:12:34,140
But this town has a real problem
with unexplained high‐concept injuries.
259
00:12:34,150 --> 00:12:36,610
It's like we're cursed.
Damn.
260
00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:39,360
I'm sorry for your loss.
Was he a good friend?
261
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:42,070
‐ No, he was more than that.
He was a Jet‐Ski.
262
00:12:42,070 --> 00:12:44,370
♪ dance music playing ♪
263
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:46,780
‐ Wow, our first real‐life
high school party.
264
00:12:46,780 --> 00:12:48,200
It's just like I dreamed it would be.
265
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,450
Look, Cooper Barn's already freaking out
that people are trashing his house.
266
00:12:51,450 --> 00:12:53,700
‐ That's a family heirloom.
Get away from my dog.
267
00:12:53,710 --> 00:12:55,960
Brent, don't snort my dad's ashes.
Fuck!
268
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,720
‐ Classic Cooper.
‐ So you hang out with the Stacis
269
00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:00,670
while I make my move on the podcast guys.
270
00:13:00,670 --> 00:13:03,380
I wanna be toxically entrenched
in a clique by 8:00.
271
00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:06,390
‐ Whoo, Jesse.
‐ Yas, Jesse.
272
00:13:06,390 --> 00:13:08,770
‐ Hey, what are you doing here?
‐ Oh, uh...
273
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:09,930
[coughs]
274
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,390
‐ Dude, dude, dude,
psyched you're here, man.
275
00:13:13,390 --> 00:13:15,600
Love the headphones.
You're not a poser at all.
276
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:17,520
Do you wanna buy a van with me?
We could do road trips.
277
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,140
Oh, we could solve mys‐‐
we could turn it into a food van.
278
00:13:19,150 --> 00:13:21,820
Oh, my God, I'm operating
at such a different level, bro.
279
00:13:21,820 --> 00:13:24,740
‐ Um, I have read that a Nissan Odyssey
is a pretty sweet ride.
280
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,290
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
281
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,280
♪
282
00:13:44,970 --> 00:13:47,310
‐ For the millionth time, no.
Wait, is he on my back?
283
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:48,630
‐ No, you're clear.
284
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,520
Oh, man, is this
what life is like from now on?
285
00:13:50,510 --> 00:13:52,930
Just waiting for a ketchup packet
to stab us in the back?
286
00:13:52,930 --> 00:13:55,430
‐ We have to take the fight to him.
Just like Kevin McCallister,
287
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,440
we shall not go softly into the night.
288
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:59,780
He could be anywhere.
In the vents, under a lampshade,
289
00:13:59,770 --> 00:14:01,020
the other side of town.
‐ Hey, think about it.
290
00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:03,230
He's literally made of your stress.
‐ So?
291
00:14:03,230 --> 00:14:06,610
‐ So he's probably hiding out in the
most stressful place you can imagine.
292
00:14:06,610 --> 00:14:08,610
[wolf howls]
293
00:14:08,620 --> 00:14:10,660
This is your most stressful place?
‐ Yes.
294
00:14:10,660 --> 00:14:12,750
For starters, how do they
stay in business all year?
295
00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:14,070
It makes no sense financially.
296
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,210
The whole place smells like the inside
of a plastic bag.
297
00:14:16,210 --> 00:14:18,500
And for some reason,
they sell marked‐up PS4s.
298
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:20,880
Plus I'm afraid of skeletons.
Ah! See?
299
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,670
‐ Wait a minute, he's here.
I can sense it.
300
00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:24,470
Also, I can see him right there.
‐ [grunts]
301
00:14:24,460 --> 00:14:26,630
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
302
00:14:26,630 --> 00:14:29,170
♪
303
00:14:29,180 --> 00:14:30,890
Oh, great, now we have to pay for that.
304
00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:34,730
‐ Are you guys on molly?
‐ Molly is on molly,
305
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,470
but the rest of us are on Jesse.
306
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,110
‐ You want some of this?
307
00:14:41,150 --> 00:14:44,740
‐ Oh, yes, Jesse.
That's me, super cool.
308
00:14:44,730 --> 00:14:47,610
‐ Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
All I'm saying is think about it.
309
00:14:47,610 --> 00:14:49,530
Are you thinking about it?
Are you fucking thinking about it?
310
00:14:49,530 --> 00:14:50,610
‐ What am I thinking about?
‐ Our trip to the woods.
311
00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:52,040
‐ Self‐publishing an erotic cookbook.
‐ Getting married.
312
00:14:52,030 --> 00:14:54,200
‐ Yes, yes, and I'm not saying no,
but I need to think about it.
313
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,320
‐ I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot.
BOTH: Oh, yeah!
314
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:57,630
‐ Hey, you guys want to hear
a poem I just wrote?
315
00:14:57,620 --> 00:14:58,490
‐ Fuck yes, dude!
316
00:15:00,170 --> 00:15:03,130
‐ This is the greatest night ever.
I have a nickname.
317
00:15:03,130 --> 00:15:06,680
They're calling me Yummy Bear.
‐ You are such a Yummy Bear.
318
00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:08,630
That's so you.
‐ Right?
319
00:15:08,630 --> 00:15:11,170
Hey, uh, I'm sorry I've been such a dick.
320
00:15:11,180 --> 00:15:13,770
I know you just wanted to hang out
and I guess I was jealous.
321
00:15:14,390 --> 00:15:17,650
‐ You were a dick.
But it's okay now.
322
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,720
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
323
00:15:19,730 --> 00:15:22,440
♪
324
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,320
[grunting]
325
00:15:30,950 --> 00:15:32,490
[cackles]
326
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,330
‐ The makeup here is marked up
1,000 percent.
327
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:42,910
All these costumes are so slutty.
‐ Keep it together, Korvo.
328
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:44,460
He wants you stressed.
329
00:15:51,220 --> 00:15:52,470
[groans]
330
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,680
[babbling]
331
00:15:56,430 --> 00:15:57,510
‐ Where did he go?
332
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,480
[Red Goobler cackling]
333
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:04,470
This is so scary.
‐ [cackling]
334
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,370
[cackling continues]
335
00:16:20,290 --> 00:16:23,380
‐ So apparently I'm buying a van,
writing a cookbook,
336
00:16:23,370 --> 00:16:24,910
and maybe marrying Mark Melner.
337
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,340
‐ Lucky, I always thought
he'd make a good dad.
338
00:16:27,340 --> 00:16:29,510
Oh, hey, what's up, girl?
339
00:16:32,510 --> 00:16:33,850
[screams]
340
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,760
‐ What the heck?
Staci K?
341
00:16:37,970 --> 00:16:39,130
‐ I'll kill you!
342
00:16:39,140 --> 00:16:41,230
[all growling]
343
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,200
‐ Oh, shit, your dumb pollen
must have mixed with my cool pollen
344
00:16:50,190 --> 00:16:51,480
and turned everyone into crazies.
345
00:16:51,490 --> 00:16:53,830
‐ Ah! Cripes.
‐ Come on, let's get out of here.
346
00:16:53,820 --> 00:16:55,480
[grunting]
347
00:17:04,170 --> 00:17:05,960
‐ Stay calm.
You're the man, Korvo.
348
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,630
You're a sexy hunk.
Keep it together.
349
00:17:07,630 --> 00:17:09,840
TERRY: Korvo, where are you?
Don't stress, man.
350
00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:11,680
We can still get him.
Oh, my God!
351
00:17:11,670 --> 00:17:13,420
‐ What?
‐ They have mini Japanese Kit Kats
352
00:17:13,420 --> 00:17:14,340
in all sorts of flavors.
353
00:17:14,340 --> 00:17:16,130
[Red Goobler babbling]
354
00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:19,380
‐ No!
‐ Busted.
355
00:17:19,390 --> 00:17:20,980
‐ Check us out, bitch.
‐ [groans]
356
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:25,470
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
357
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,490
♪
358
00:17:36,530 --> 00:17:38,490
[rumbling]
359
00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:40,960
[animals clamoring]
360
00:17:42,910 --> 00:17:44,160
[Red Goobler babbling]
361
00:17:45,460 --> 00:17:47,340
‐ Explain to me again why
we aren't just killing this A‐hole.
362
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:49,330
‐ If we do then, in a way, he wins.
363
00:17:49,340 --> 00:17:51,760
Maybe by cutting him open
and studying his insides,
364
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:54,420
I can learn how to control my stress
instead of just avoiding it.
365
00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:55,880
‐ Aw, that's nice, Korvo.
366
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:57,750
But I still say we light
this little cunt on fire.
367
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,060
‐ Oh, language, Terry.
‐ Sorry.
368
00:17:59,050 --> 00:18:00,880
I'm just all jacked up
on green tea Kit Kats.
369
00:18:00,890 --> 00:18:03,900
‐ Uh, guys, we have a big problem
that Jesse caused.
370
00:18:03,890 --> 00:18:06,640
‐ We grew flowers on our heads.
We know it's a puberty thing
371
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,810
and that we're turning into adults.
‐ What's "poo‐berty"?
372
00:18:08,810 --> 00:18:12,100
‐ You know, when humans grow hair
and bleed out of their penises and stuff.
373
00:18:12,110 --> 00:18:13,200
‐ Oh, my God.
‐ Oh, that's awful.
374
00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:15,270
‐ You're not a human.
You don't get to have a puberty.
375
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:18,120
You grow into our size and then
eventually turn into a wise old tree.
376
00:18:18,110 --> 00:18:20,530
And if you're lucky,
someone uses your body to build a house.
377
00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:22,650
This is just fungus you get
from not washing your hands.
378
00:18:22,660 --> 00:18:24,790
‐ You gotta wash those hands.
‐ It's fine as long as you didn't let
379
00:18:24,790 --> 00:18:26,750
your pollens mix
and infect anyone, all right?
380
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:30,510
The only way to stop this infection
is to inject the serum under their skin.
381
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:33,080
But we can't let them bite us
or we'll turn crazy too.
382
00:18:33,090 --> 00:18:35,680
Which is why we have to use
these emergency medical weapons.
383
00:18:35,670 --> 00:18:37,380
‐ We get to cut people up?
‐ It doesn't hurt them.
384
00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:40,510
The cuts all heal themselves because
of the sci‐fi goo the blades emit.
385
00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:42,170
‐ Lame.
‐ But wouldn't it be safer
386
00:18:42,180 --> 00:18:43,690
to use, like, a dart or something?
387
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:44,840
‐ You want to use a dart?
Okay, yeah.
388
00:18:44,850 --> 00:18:46,810
Go ahead, use a dart.
This is way cooler than a dart.
389
00:18:46,810 --> 00:18:48,860
‐ Let's go stab some kids
and save some lives.
390
00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:50,970
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
391
00:18:50,980 --> 00:18:53,950
♪
392
00:18:53,940 --> 00:18:55,230
[screams]
393
00:19:03,870 --> 00:19:05,040
‐ Thank you.
394
00:19:05,370 --> 00:19:06,960
‐ Oh, eat it!
395
00:19:08,370 --> 00:19:10,200
Yes!
‐ Thanks, man.
396
00:19:14,210 --> 00:19:17,750
‐ I'm sorry, I'm healing you.
You're welcome, I love you.
397
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,180
‐ Wow, thanks.
398
00:19:31,650 --> 00:19:33,570
‐ Don't worry, they won't
remember any of this.
399
00:19:33,570 --> 00:19:35,570
‐ But they're gonna remember
I'm cool, right?
400
00:19:35,570 --> 00:19:37,570
‐ No, at best,
they'll remember that you aren't.
401
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,830
[grunting]
402
00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,630
‐ Oh, thanks, man.
‐ Yeah, no problem.
403
00:20:00,630 --> 00:20:02,710
♪ soft music playing ♪
404
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,340
[barking]
[quacking]
405
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:17,360
[bell rings]
406
00:20:17,940 --> 00:20:20,940
‐ Whoa, dude, what are you doing?
‐ Sitting with my party buds.
407
00:20:20,950 --> 00:20:22,700
Last night was crazy, right?
‐ Bro.
408
00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:26,250
This table's for air podders only.
‐ I could turn into a pod.
409
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:29,200
‐ No way, man.
Pod save this seat for someone else.
410
00:20:31,370 --> 00:20:34,450
‐ Sorry, Yummy Bear.
Same thing happened to me with the Stacis.
411
00:20:34,460 --> 00:20:37,590
They told me to take my flat ass
back to Planet Mexico.
412
00:20:37,590 --> 00:20:39,890
‐ Everyone who's awesome and cool
is such a jerk.
413
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,670
I'm a jerk all the time,
but it never gets me anywhere.
414
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:46,020
‐ Hey, uh, we heard you guys
were at that crazy party last night.
415
00:20:46,010 --> 00:20:47,630
‐ Who said it was crazy?
No one got stabbed.
416
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:50,230
‐ Oh, no, no, no.
We haven't been to any of those parties.
417
00:20:50,230 --> 00:20:51,690
We just want to hear about it.
418
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,470
‐ So first, we were all
hanging out at Barn's house.
419
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:58,150
‐ Was it in a real barn?
‐ No, it was Cooper Barn's house.
420
00:20:58,150 --> 00:21:02,660
Apparently, cool kids
call each other by their last name.
421
00:21:02,650 --> 00:21:03,980
ALL: Ooh.
422
00:21:09,410 --> 00:21:10,830
‐ [Red Goobler babbling]
‐ Ah!
423
00:21:14,620 --> 00:21:16,700
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
424
00:21:16,710 --> 00:21:18,590
♪
425
00:21:21,590 --> 00:21:26,010
‐ Wake up, you little slut.
It's time me and you had it out.
426
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,170
What the?
427
00:21:28,510 --> 00:21:29,760
[gasps]
428
00:21:30,060 --> 00:21:32,980
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
429
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:37,180
This is a regular goob‐‐
‐ Terry, have you seen my tennis racket?
430
00:21:37,770 --> 00:21:40,390
I've noticed that women who play tennis
are particularly dominant.
431
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,120
I have a better chance of
finding an assertive mate while‐‐
432
00:21:43,110 --> 00:21:45,020
What, where is the red goobler?
‐ I killed him.
433
00:21:45,030 --> 00:21:46,660
‐ Damn, Terry, that's cold.
‐ Yeah.
434
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:49,290
I just, um, I knew as long
as he was alive,
435
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:50,990
you would always worry
about him escaping,
436
00:21:50,990 --> 00:21:53,570
and I wanted you to have,
just, less stress in your life.
437
00:21:53,580 --> 00:21:56,000
I care about you, man.
So I chopped up his body
438
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,050
and I fed it to the pigs,
and I shot the pigs into space.
439
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,370
So don't worry, those pigs are safe.
No, they're not.
440
00:22:01,380 --> 00:22:03,930
‐ That is the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.
441
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:05,170
Thank you, Terry.
442
00:22:06,930 --> 00:22:09,430
Oh, I feel so relaxed.
I took a bath.
443
00:22:09,430 --> 00:22:11,270
Just a soak.
Didn't even wash my junk.
444
00:22:11,260 --> 00:22:13,510
Nobody's hunting me anymore
and it feels good, Terry.
445
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,360
It feels right.
‐ Uh, yep, feels great. Good night.
446
00:22:15,350 --> 00:22:18,720
‐ Ah, I will now enjoy
the stress‐free sleep of safety,
447
00:22:18,730 --> 00:22:21,030
knowing that no one out there
is playing the long game
448
00:22:21,020 --> 00:22:23,480
waiting for me to drop my guard,
or‐or anything like that.
449
00:22:23,860 --> 00:22:24,990
Ah.
450
00:22:25,990 --> 00:22:27,830
[babbling]
451
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,320
[seagulls cawing]
452
00:22:33,330 --> 00:22:35,420
♪ tense music playing ♪
453
00:22:35,410 --> 00:22:38,410
♪
454
00:22:43,500 --> 00:22:45,170
[cackling]
455
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,180
Pew‐pew, pew‐pew‐pew!
37307
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