Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:27,543 --> 00:00:33,125
SMALL TOWN KILLERS
2
00:00:46,584 --> 00:00:47,708
Well...
3
00:00:47,834 --> 00:00:50,750
So, all you think about is sex?
4
00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:53,375
His head is bursting with sex thoughts.
5
00:00:53,501 --> 00:00:58,875
Gritt, let's let Ib answer for himself.
I think Ib is able to.
6
00:00:59,001 --> 00:01:03,708
Well, answer for yourself, Ib. Tell
Aniannani that your head is full of sex.
7
00:01:03,834 --> 00:01:08,375
No, no, I do sometimes have
other thoughts in my head.
8
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:11,541
If I ask him to water the plants,
he gets a hard-on.
9
00:01:11,667 --> 00:01:15,125
- Oh?
- He can't even reach the window sill.
10
00:01:15,251 --> 00:01:17,541
Oh my.
11
00:01:17,667 --> 00:01:20,875
It's only because
I think she's so gorgeous.
12
00:01:21,001 --> 00:01:25,666
Well, that's great, Gritt.
Isn't it?
13
00:01:25,792 --> 00:01:30,708
You have a man who wants you.
I'm sure many women would envy you that.
14
00:01:30,834 --> 00:01:34,375
Sure, but does everything have
to be about sex all the time?
15
00:01:34,501 --> 00:01:37,375
The public domain is crammed with sex.
16
00:01:37,501 --> 00:01:40,208
- You can't even open a magazine.
- No...
17
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:44,708
If I go online to find a good offer,
I get a picture of a wiener.
18
00:01:45,834 --> 00:01:46,916
Yuckie.
19
00:01:47,042 --> 00:01:50,291
And if you can't even
go to your own house -
20
00:01:50,417 --> 00:01:54,041
- and lie down in your own bed without
being confronted with sex there, too...
21
00:01:54,167 --> 00:01:57,791
Where the devil will it end?
22
00:01:58,501 --> 00:02:02,625
Hi there, you hot piece of ass.
23
00:02:02,751 --> 00:02:05,291
Hi.
24
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,666
So, who are you then?
25
00:02:07,792 --> 00:02:10,666
Oh, I'm just Ingrid's ass.
26
00:02:10,792 --> 00:02:12,583
Oh, I see.
27
00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:16,791
How would you like me to grope you?
28
00:02:16,917 --> 00:02:18,458
Well, go ahead.
29
00:02:18,584 --> 00:02:23,916
Stop talking to my butt as if
it's a pet. You'll confuse Little Per.
30
00:02:24,042 --> 00:02:27,041
You're making me nervous.
It's sick, Edward.
31
00:02:27,167 --> 00:02:29,477
Why do you have to rehearse
that fancy-pants dance every night?
32
00:02:29,501 --> 00:02:33,083
Fancy-pants dance?
Salsa is an art form.
33
00:02:33,209 --> 00:02:37,458
But then again, your head isn't filled
with art but stone wool, more like it.
34
00:02:37,584 --> 00:02:41,791
When was the last time we fucked?
When was it?
35
00:02:41,917 --> 00:02:46,000
- Do you know your Danish history?
- Sure. I live with the Grauballe Man.
36
00:02:46,084 --> 00:02:49,916
- That bog body gets more sex than me.
- Call Ib.
37
00:02:50,042 --> 00:02:54,625
- I'm not in the mood for sex with Ib.
- Don't you have to go to work?
38
00:02:54,751 --> 00:02:58,125
You and Ib and your wieners.
39
00:02:58,251 --> 00:03:01,833
Maybe they'll let you
have a go after work.
40
00:04:20,251 --> 00:04:22,916
Don't be embarrassed about being a man.
41
00:04:23,042 --> 00:04:26,833
But I think about sex all the time.
42
00:04:29,042 --> 00:04:31,625
It's because you never get laid.
43
00:04:31,751 --> 00:04:35,250
If you did, you wouldn't
think about it all the time.
44
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:36,500
It's like breathing.
45
00:04:36,626 --> 00:04:40,791
If you were sitting in a submarine
running out of oxygen -
46
00:04:40,917 --> 00:04:43,000
- you'd think about breathing
all the time.
47
00:04:43,126 --> 00:04:46,541
Women don't understand
that sex is our way of breathing.
48
00:04:46,667 --> 00:04:49,000
Our dick is kinda like our third lung.
49
00:04:50,417 --> 00:04:54,250
Gritt still wants to have kids,
but I'm not keen on it.
50
00:04:54,376 --> 00:04:58,500
Of course not. They climb into bed
and lie in the crack.
51
00:04:58,626 --> 00:05:04,333
Kids are crap.
There's no upside to it. None at all.
52
00:05:04,459 --> 00:05:07,458
There's nothing doing with Ingrid.
She doesn't want to have sex.
53
00:05:07,584 --> 00:05:10,416
Even if I promise
it'll only take 15 seconds.
54
00:05:10,542 --> 00:05:14,791
So, problems at home?
55
00:05:14,917 --> 00:05:18,500
The bricks are on back order,
Mrs. Hansen. It's a load of bull.
56
00:05:18,626 --> 00:05:21,250
But aren't bricks always available?
57
00:05:21,376 --> 00:05:25,416
Bricks aren't just bricks,
as I've told you once before.
58
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:30,916
- I just need a new wall.
- Right, and Rome was built in a day.
59
00:05:31,042 --> 00:05:35,541
I clean forgot.
Thanks for reminding me, Mrs. Hansen.
60
00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:37,125
Thanks a lot.
61
00:05:37,251 --> 00:05:40,125
There are two kinds of customers.
62
00:05:40,251 --> 00:05:43,041
With one kind,
you're only in it for the cool cash.
63
00:05:43,167 --> 00:05:46,250
With the other kind, like you,
you put your heart into it.
64
00:05:46,376 --> 00:05:49,833
- And finish the job!
- Yes, absolutely.
65
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:53,583
Van Gogh didn't paint for the money.
He painted with his heart.
66
00:05:53,709 --> 00:05:57,875
Are you quite sure
you've got time for this?
67
00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:02,000
Hey, there's our radio and stuff.
68
00:06:02,084 --> 00:06:05,916
We wouldn't leave our radio and stuff
here if we weren't working here.
69
00:06:06,042 --> 00:06:09,416
Ib has been on the phone all morning
about those bricks.
70
00:06:09,542 --> 00:06:13,000
We almost gave up on you,
but then, your radio and stuff are here.
71
00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:17,458
- Honestly, have you got time for this?
- No...
72
00:06:17,584 --> 00:06:20,041
- Look, Steen.
- Henrik.
73
00:06:20,167 --> 00:06:24,916
There are two kinds of customers. With
one kind, you're in it for the cash.
74
00:06:25,042 --> 00:06:27,875
- With the other, you put this into it.
- Your heart.
75
00:06:28,001 --> 00:06:30,250
That's what you said a month ago.
76
00:06:36,042 --> 00:06:40,625
I thought you wanted the bill dealt with
under the table.
77
00:06:44,001 --> 00:06:48,833
Didn't they want the bill dealt with
under the table? I thought so.
78
00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:55,125
But, Steen,
we'll do it by the book. No worries.
79
00:06:55,251 --> 00:06:59,166
It's gonna cost you, but if you want
to upgrade to Business Class -
80
00:06:59,292 --> 00:07:03,416
- we'll do it. We can upgrade Steen
and Pernille to Business Class, right?
81
00:07:03,542 --> 00:07:09,916
Sure. You get to sit up front with
champagne and silverware everywhere.
82
00:07:10,042 --> 00:07:13,500
No, no, that's not
what we want, right, Henrik?
83
00:07:13,626 --> 00:07:16,083
No, no.
84
00:07:16,209 --> 00:07:21,083
- We'll just wait.
- Or we can wait. Whatever you want.
85
00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:27,000
We've filled the book for the next six
months. How manyjobs are undeclared?
86
00:07:27,126 --> 00:07:29,541
Just about half a million kroner.
87
00:07:33,709 --> 00:07:37,583
Ingrid is faking it the other way round.
88
00:07:37,709 --> 00:07:41,000
- The few times I get to sneak it in.
- The other way round?
89
00:07:41,126 --> 00:07:46,208
She pretends not to come, but she does.
I can tell that she's coming, Ib.
90
00:07:46,334 --> 00:07:50,250
She stuffs her hand in her mouth
and thinks I don't notice.
91
00:07:53,042 --> 00:07:57,625
But she's coming alright.
She's coming hard.
92
00:07:57,751 --> 00:08:01,041
- But why does she do that?
- So I won't see I give her pleasure.
93
00:08:01,167 --> 00:08:03,750
Oh no, Heinz.
94
00:08:07,876 --> 00:08:11,041
Hey there, Laurel and Hardy.
Hans and Fritz.
95
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:14,500
Or what are the names of
the two guys from Dumb and Dumber?
96
00:08:14,626 --> 00:08:19,000
- Harry and Lloyd.
- Exactly. How's life, Harry and Lloyd?
97
00:08:19,084 --> 00:08:23,708
Careful or you might shoot yourself
in the thigh with that thing.
98
00:08:23,834 --> 00:08:27,750
This thing...
is a Korth Combat. 357 Magnum.
99
00:08:27,876 --> 00:08:31,500
It goes by another name, too.
"Responsibility".
100
00:08:31,626 --> 00:08:34,106
The responsibility for making sure
citizens can sleep at night.
101
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:37,750
- Do you tuck in?
- Terrorists don't sleep at night.
102
00:08:37,876 --> 00:08:40,458
Some people have to be vigilant, 24-7.
103
00:08:40,584 --> 00:08:44,750
You may very well ask:
What's gonna happen in Nibe?
104
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:50,458
We go to work, watch X Factor, drive
scummy cars and eat humid sandwiches.
105
00:08:50,584 --> 00:08:53,000
Peace and quiet everywhere.
106
00:08:53,126 --> 00:08:55,458
But that's just
what they want us to believe.
107
00:08:55,584 --> 00:08:58,916
Nibe doesn't even show up
on Google Earth.
108
00:08:59,042 --> 00:09:03,208
It's one big grey pixel. The little
yellow man can't move an inch.
109
00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:08,833
Anyway, what would the terrorists
blow up? The local bus stop?
110
00:09:12,126 --> 00:09:16,750
- What do you need all those radios for?
- You can learn a lot from the radio.
111
00:09:16,876 --> 00:09:20,083
I just checked up on your tax returns.
112
00:09:20,209 --> 00:09:25,000
Your little juggernaut of a company
sure rakes in money.
113
00:09:25,084 --> 00:09:28,000
- 125,000 kroner a year.
- That much?
114
00:09:28,126 --> 00:09:30,458
Not bad.
115
00:09:30,584 --> 00:09:33,083
You're frigging pathetic.
116
00:09:33,209 --> 00:09:37,000
Your wives drive Mercedes
and dance in high heels with Malte -
117
00:09:37,126 --> 00:09:41,041
- while you sit here looking like a
couple of early retirees from Bulgaria.
118
00:09:41,167 --> 00:09:45,125
Dumb and Dumber.
Don't make me laugh.
119
00:09:50,209 --> 00:09:53,791
Your right tail light is out.
Have a nice day.
120
00:09:55,751 --> 00:09:59,791
Come here, my angels.
Come.
121
00:10:00,709 --> 00:10:06,583
We may be in a small town,
but we don't think small -
122
00:10:06,709 --> 00:10:10,166
- because salsa is in-ter-na-tio-nal.
123
00:10:10,292 --> 00:10:14,583
Understand? When we shake
our booties to salsa in Nibe -
124
00:10:14,709 --> 00:10:18,666
- they shake their booties
to salsa in Cuba or Rio -
125
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:21,000
- in exactly the same way.
126
00:10:21,126 --> 00:10:25,250
We're one big family.
One big pulse -
127
00:10:25,376 --> 00:10:29,083
- beating away inside of us -
128
00:10:29,209 --> 00:10:32,416
- men and women.
129
00:10:33,209 --> 00:10:37,916
We started this class
when fate brought me to Nibe.
130
00:10:38,042 --> 00:10:44,291
And I saw all these withered Danes
under the grey sky.
131
00:10:45,417 --> 00:10:47,208
Then something happened.
132
00:10:47,334 --> 00:10:52,208
Suddenly you grew
into goddamn towering tulips.
133
00:10:52,334 --> 00:10:56,166
Up through the frozen earth,
and you blossomed -
134
00:10:56,292 --> 00:11:00,791
- and tasted
the sweet pain of the salsa.
135
00:11:02,084 --> 00:11:05,708
Desire and sensuality.
136
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:12,791
And now, dear friends,
it's time to "haul ass", as you say.
137
00:11:12,917 --> 00:11:16,000
- Are you ready to haul ass?
- Yes!
138
00:11:16,667 --> 00:11:19,375
Five, six, seven, eight.
139
00:11:28,751 --> 00:11:32,250
Come to Papa!
140
00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:45,166
Salsa for Papi!
141
00:11:54,292 --> 00:11:57,708
Malte is such a breath offresh air.
142
00:11:57,834 --> 00:12:01,500
It doesn't matter if you're from
Nibe or Hollywood.
143
00:12:01,626 --> 00:12:04,916
You grow with him.
I feel I've grown.
144
00:12:05,042 --> 00:12:07,791
Malte has helped us grow, hasn't he?
145
00:12:07,917 --> 00:12:12,291
If Malte wasn't gay,
I bet he'd be a fantastic lover.
146
00:12:12,417 --> 00:12:13,291
Hey!
147
00:12:13,417 --> 00:12:16,083
You can be a good lover
even though you're abnormal.
148
00:12:16,209 --> 00:12:19,875
- Got anything against gays?
- Edward's afraid of gays.
149
00:12:20,001 --> 00:12:24,500
I just don't get gay sex.
Two little bald men headbutting away.
150
00:12:24,626 --> 00:12:28,000
- Men have a hole too.
- Made for something else.
151
00:12:28,084 --> 00:12:31,125
Oh, I don't know.
Ib often circles around that hole.
152
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,583
- Come on, Gritt!
- Like a hungry cat around a p�t�.
153
00:12:34,709 --> 00:12:37,625
But that's one way
to avoid having children.
154
00:12:37,751 --> 00:12:41,000
When Edward and I loved each other,
we talked about children, too -
155
00:12:41,084 --> 00:12:43,041
- but then we got Little Per.
156
00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:47,583
- Little Per is your surrogate child.
- Hell no!
157
00:12:47,709 --> 00:12:52,916
Is it wrong, if your husband's sperm
quality is okay, to look for a donor?
158
00:12:53,042 --> 00:12:58,583
Women should be free to use the sperm
they want. And Ib doesn't want kids.
159
00:12:58,709 --> 00:13:02,458
Try talking a bit louder.
Table 5 can't hear you.
160
00:13:02,584 --> 00:13:06,000
- It must be hard with a guy his size.
- For fuck's sake!
161
00:13:06,126 --> 00:13:11,625
I often think about it when I see you
side by side. He's huge and you're tiny.
162
00:13:11,751 --> 00:13:14,250
- How does he...
- Get it in?
163
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:18,833
- Yes, technically.
- Well, he only manages to peek in.
164
00:13:19,001 --> 00:13:23,208
- Kinda like the Little Match Girl.
- "Hullo!"
165
00:13:26,251 --> 00:13:29,125
In a little turtleneck.
166
00:13:30,626 --> 00:13:35,375
It's all down to position. No guy can
get in from all corners of the world.
167
00:13:35,501 --> 00:13:38,875
And it's down to how wide
the woman can spread her legs.
168
00:13:39,001 --> 00:13:42,333
- What do you mean, Edward?
- Is this wine sour?
169
00:13:42,459 --> 00:13:48,000
It's sour!
Bent, what kind of red wine is this?
170
00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:53,083
It is...
171
00:13:53,209 --> 00:13:56,500
It is...
172
00:13:58,334 --> 00:14:00,500
It is -
173
00:14:00,626 --> 00:14:03,208
- a red wine.
174
00:14:03,334 --> 00:14:07,583
- Well, I can see that. It's red.
- Leave Bent alone.
175
00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:11,250
- Fine, Bent. Thanks.
- You're welcome.
176
00:14:11,376 --> 00:14:15,333
Who the hell hires a spazz as a waiter?
How does he serve soup?
177
00:14:15,459 --> 00:14:20,250
- I'd like to announce to the table...
- Good thing he isn't a brain surgeon.
178
00:14:20,376 --> 00:14:25,583
I have no problem spreading my legs.
I could do the splits until recently.
179
00:14:25,709 --> 00:14:30,166
Gritt's parents thought for a long time
that Gritt would become a model -
180
00:14:30,292 --> 00:14:34,791
- but then she stopped growing
at the age of 12.
181
00:14:37,292 --> 00:14:39,333
Right!
182
00:14:39,459 --> 00:14:44,000
I guess five-foot tall models
aren't in huge demand -
183
00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:47,875
- unless it's for a hobbit movie.
184
00:14:49,459 --> 00:14:54,500
But hey, good for fairy Malte
that he makes you grow and grow -
185
00:14:54,626 --> 00:14:58,458
- and believe that Hollywood
is located in the church -
186
00:14:58,584 --> 00:15:02,083
- every day between 8 and 10 p. m.
187
00:15:13,709 --> 00:15:18,208
- Ib, we're done with this shit.
- What do you mean?
188
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:23,666
Heinz is right.
We are Dumb and Dumber.
189
00:15:25,001 --> 00:15:29,375
But we're still young, Ib.
We've got money -
190
00:15:29,501 --> 00:15:34,333
- and we've worked our asses off
ever since we got kicked out of school.
191
00:15:34,459 --> 00:15:38,166
Let's go to Phuket.
We can live like kings there.
192
00:15:38,292 --> 00:15:40,500
We deserve better.
193
00:15:40,626 --> 00:15:45,666
I didn't like the atmosphere in there.
It got a little embarrassing.
194
00:15:45,792 --> 00:15:50,041
Yeah, just a little perhaps.
You're right, Ib.
195
00:15:50,167 --> 00:15:54,250
And we won't get any pussy tonight,
anyway.
196
00:15:57,501 --> 00:15:59,666
Precisely.
197
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:05,000
We lead an empty and pussy-less life.
198
00:16:09,376 --> 00:16:12,250
- Let's get a divorce.
- You mean that?
199
00:16:12,376 --> 00:16:14,333
I sure as hell do!
200
00:16:19,167 --> 00:16:22,250
- Who recommended me to you?
- No one.
201
00:16:22,376 --> 00:16:25,083
You were the cheapest hit
on PriceRunner.
202
00:16:26,376 --> 00:16:31,041
- You want a divorce?
- Yes. It's gone all Bulgarian on us.
203
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:34,750
- It's gotten boring.
- Any infidelity?
204
00:16:34,876 --> 00:16:39,000
Not unless dancing with a sissy Swede
qualifies as infidelity.
205
00:16:39,084 --> 00:16:42,375
- So is that you?
- Me?
206
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:45,000
Who dances around
with a sissy Swede?
207
00:16:45,084 --> 00:16:48,000
We're not the ones getting a divorce.
Hell no.
208
00:16:48,126 --> 00:16:53,208
- No, we're married to our wife.
- To the same woman? But you can't!
209
00:16:53,334 --> 00:16:56,083
- No, we've got one each.
- I see.
210
00:16:56,209 --> 00:17:00,208
So you want to divorce your wives
so you two can get married?
211
00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:03,000
No, we just want to divorce them.
212
00:17:03,084 --> 00:17:06,666
We thought we'd save money
if we chipped in.
213
00:17:06,792 --> 00:17:10,833
- Chipped in?
- Yeah, for you.
214
00:17:12,001 --> 00:17:16,833
- Yes, well, the divorce rules...
- Let me just say one thing.
215
00:17:17,001 --> 00:17:21,375
We want to take good care of the girls.
They must never want for anything.
216
00:17:21,501 --> 00:17:24,500
They haven't lifted a finger
in ten years -
217
00:17:24,626 --> 00:17:28,625
- but we won't leave them in the ditch
without a penny.
218
00:17:28,751 --> 00:17:32,500
- I agree.
- The rules are simple.
219
00:17:32,626 --> 00:17:37,333
- You share everything.
- Sure. They should have their share.
220
00:17:37,459 --> 00:17:41,250
When I look at your assets -
221
00:17:41,376 --> 00:17:46,250
- it all looks pretty good.
Two cars...
222
00:17:46,376 --> 00:17:49,333
Houses...
223
00:17:50,459 --> 00:17:54,791
Property valuation, bills -
224
00:17:54,917 --> 00:17:59,833
- and all of that. You have
pretty large pension savings, huh?
225
00:18:00,792 --> 00:18:03,333
And... Oh, not bad.
226
00:18:03,459 --> 00:18:05,291
All in all...
227
00:18:06,334 --> 00:18:07,625
Yes!
228
00:18:08,917 --> 00:18:12,541
- 2.5 for each.
- Thousand?
229
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:16,833
- But that's not a whole lot.
- Million.
230
00:18:17,001 --> 00:18:20,750
You have a large equity in your houses
seeing as you built them yourselves.
231
00:18:20,876 --> 00:18:27,333
Add to that alimony amounting
to 4-5,000 kroner a month, minimum.
232
00:18:28,792 --> 00:18:33,625
I hope you feel it was worth it.
On the other hand...
233
00:18:37,001 --> 00:18:40,416
...you got the lawyer cheaper.
234
00:18:42,334 --> 00:18:43,833
Well, I have a meeting now.
235
00:18:44,001 --> 00:18:48,875
Feel free to hang around
and recover from the blow.
236
00:18:49,001 --> 00:18:52,041
Kleenex.
Chipped in...!
237
00:18:52,751 --> 00:18:56,000
- Edward...
- I think I'm going to be sick, Ib.
238
00:18:56,084 --> 00:19:00,458
We've got the undeclared money.
Nobody knows about that.
239
00:19:04,001 --> 00:19:07,666
Of course!
Ib, we've got the undeclared money.
240
00:19:16,626 --> 00:19:18,916
What the hell is going on?
241
00:19:19,042 --> 00:19:22,041
Oh my lord!
242
00:19:24,001 --> 00:19:27,041
She's on her knees.
243
00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:33,916
That's fucking disgusting.
It's not fair.
244
00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:36,750
He's not even handsome.
245
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:41,458
- Please repeat that.
- Well, that's the lie of the land.
246
00:19:41,584 --> 00:19:44,916
We've reached the end-station.
You'll get some hard cash -
247
00:19:45,042 --> 00:19:49,625
- and we'll skip the lawyer crap
that only serves to confuse you.
248
00:19:49,751 --> 00:19:54,791
- Please say it one more time.
- Well, we've reached the end-station.
249
00:19:54,917 --> 00:20:00,000
You'll get some hard cash and we'll skip
the lawyer crap that only confuses you.
250
00:20:00,126 --> 00:20:05,125
- It what?
- Confuses you. All that paperwork...
251
00:20:05,251 --> 00:20:08,125
Do I look like an idiot?
Huh?
252
00:20:08,251 --> 00:20:11,916
We have assets worth
five million kroner.
253
00:20:12,042 --> 00:20:16,291
Add to that maximum alimony,
not to mention all the undeclared money.
254
00:20:16,417 --> 00:20:19,833
- What undeclared money do you mean?
- What undeclared money?
255
00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:24,166
- There isn't any undeclared money.
- It's in the fridge in the cellar.
256
00:20:25,209 --> 00:20:27,708
What cellar?
257
00:20:30,709 --> 00:20:32,916
Well, that...
258
00:20:34,251 --> 00:20:38,083
That's the fridge in the cellar.
You're spying on us?
259
00:20:38,209 --> 00:20:41,791
As you said,
we've reached the end-station -
260
00:20:41,917 --> 00:20:45,250
- so one of us has to get off
and walk back -
261
00:20:45,376 --> 00:20:50,708
- and it's only fair that it's you.
You always wear sensible work shoes.
262
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:53,250
I'm more of a stiletto girl.
263
00:20:56,751 --> 00:21:00,000
- Piglet.
- Yes?
264
00:21:10,417 --> 00:21:13,291
I know this may come as a shock.
265
00:21:13,417 --> 00:21:17,583
How odd!
Ingrid's getting divorced today, too.
266
00:21:20,376 --> 00:21:24,000
Our money. All our money!
267
00:21:26,292 --> 00:21:29,625
We had it all!
268
00:21:29,751 --> 00:21:35,291
Let's just drop the whole idea
and get a sex life online.
269
00:21:35,417 --> 00:21:36,625
- No!
- Yes!
270
00:21:36,751 --> 00:21:40,708
Sex involves both hands.
271
00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:43,750
Both hands!
272
00:21:46,709 --> 00:21:49,083
Both hands!
273
00:21:49,209 --> 00:21:53,250
If only they'd never existed.
274
00:21:53,376 --> 00:21:57,708
It would be so much easier to get
divorced if they weren't there.
275
00:21:57,834 --> 00:22:02,166
You don't have to give half
of everything to someone -
276
00:22:02,292 --> 00:22:07,208
- if they aren't there. If none of us
existed, we wouldn't have a problem.
277
00:22:11,001 --> 00:22:15,666
- Do you know what you're saying?
- Yes! No...
278
00:22:15,792 --> 00:22:18,375
If they weren't here...
279
00:22:18,501 --> 00:22:24,000
- How about we hire a hitman?
- Yes.
280
00:22:24,084 --> 00:22:27,250
- From the east. From Russia.
- Yes!
281
00:22:27,376 --> 00:22:31,833
They're sick in the head.
And they're broke.
282
00:22:32,001 --> 00:22:33,916
We'll send for one.
283
00:22:34,042 --> 00:22:36,291
Bang bang.
284
00:22:36,417 --> 00:22:40,666
Wham bang thank you ma'am.
285
00:22:49,292 --> 00:22:51,750
Edward...
286
00:23:12,876 --> 00:23:16,125
Yeah, a guy from the East.
287
00:25:33,751 --> 00:25:38,916
Hello.
Hi, Edward. So you're awake?
288
00:25:39,042 --> 00:25:44,125
No, he's been asleep for 48 hours.
Or maybe he's dead. I didn't check.
289
00:25:46,084 --> 00:25:48,625
Are you dead?
290
00:25:51,084 --> 00:25:54,541
- You hired a Russian hitman!
- I was drunk!
291
00:25:54,667 --> 00:25:59,041
So was I, but I didn't hire
a goddamn Russian hitman!
292
00:25:59,167 --> 00:26:01,916
A Russian hitman.
I'm going insane!
293
00:26:02,042 --> 00:26:04,083
Stupid, stupid Edward!
294
00:26:04,209 --> 00:26:06,000
Gritt, I'm sorry!
295
00:26:06,084 --> 00:26:08,000
Stupid, stupid Edward!
296
00:26:08,126 --> 00:26:12,541
Shit! You're gonna have
to call it off. It's as simple as that.
297
00:26:12,667 --> 00:26:15,000
Write and call the whole thing off.
298
00:26:15,084 --> 00:26:18,916
I told you already, I tried.
The link expired.
299
00:26:19,042 --> 00:26:24,000
You pay half, and the link expires.
That's the deal when you hire a hitman.
300
00:26:24,084 --> 00:26:28,000
All that's left is this.
Igor Lad... whatever.
301
00:26:28,126 --> 00:26:31,291
Arrival from Kiev 2:45 p. m.
302
00:26:31,417 --> 00:26:34,750
He's on his way?!
303
00:26:34,876 --> 00:26:39,000
Maybe he won't recognize us.
All he knows is that we live in Nibe -
304
00:26:39,084 --> 00:26:43,541
- and there are lots of people in Nibe.
A whole lot.
305
00:26:43,667 --> 00:26:46,833
There are people living in Nibe
in all kinds of houses.
306
00:26:47,001 --> 00:26:50,041
But he's got the email address
and the name.
307
00:26:50,167 --> 00:26:55,000
He knows exactly where to go.
He's a professional killer, Ib.
308
00:26:55,126 --> 00:26:58,583
I've got it. Let's go to the airport
and tell him it's a misunderstanding.
309
00:26:58,709 --> 00:27:03,708
Good idea. We'll give him a decent tip
and say it's all a misunderstanding.
310
00:27:04,459 --> 00:27:06,250
How hard can it be?
311
00:27:25,126 --> 00:27:30,041
- What if 100 dollars isn't enough?
- Hell, it's a year's income in Russia.
312
00:27:30,167 --> 00:27:34,000
- Got the return ticket?
- Yup. Moscow 6:45 p. m.
313
00:27:34,084 --> 00:27:38,666
- Good. And then this never happened.
- It already never happened.
314
00:27:38,792 --> 00:27:42,458
We'll treat him to a steak
and a couple of bottles of Rioja -
315
00:27:42,584 --> 00:27:45,250
- and there you have it.
316
00:27:59,042 --> 00:28:01,458
Oh my...
317
00:28:04,792 --> 00:28:07,375
He sure is drunk.
318
00:28:07,501 --> 00:28:11,166
I'll give him that.
Impressive.
319
00:28:34,459 --> 00:28:38,416
My friends...
My friends.
320
00:28:56,167 --> 00:28:57,167
Hi.
321
00:28:57,292 --> 00:29:01,583
- Is he a friend of yours?
- Nah, we don't really know him.
322
00:29:01,709 --> 00:29:05,083
- Then why are you holding his name?
- Well...
323
00:29:05,209 --> 00:29:08,625
- What's his business here?
- We're builders.
324
00:29:08,751 --> 00:29:14,250
- Igor's here to help us... build.
- Nothing illegal.
325
00:29:14,376 --> 00:29:19,208
But we don't need him after all,
so we've bought him a return ticket.
326
00:29:19,334 --> 00:29:22,750
No way.
He's not flying in that state.
327
00:29:22,876 --> 00:29:26,000
Get him out of here.
Immediately!
328
00:29:31,126 --> 00:29:36,833
We'll take a taxi to the Scandic.
We won't draw attention in a taxi.
329
00:29:37,001 --> 00:29:40,291
We'll get him a room, pour
some coffee on him to sober him up -
330
00:29:40,417 --> 00:29:43,291
- and then we go back here,
he flies back home -
331
00:29:43,417 --> 00:29:46,166
- we go home.
It never happened.
332
00:30:05,251 --> 00:30:09,583
Your friend is okay, right?
He can't puke in my taxi...
333
00:30:09,709 --> 00:30:11,916
I'm gonna get really mad.
334
00:30:12,042 --> 00:30:16,250
He's from Russia.
They hardly ever puke.
335
00:30:16,376 --> 00:30:18,208
Infidel Russian.
336
00:30:18,334 --> 00:30:21,750
Godless pig eater,
drunk, foolish dog!
337
00:30:21,876 --> 00:30:25,375
I curse you to hell -
338
00:30:25,501 --> 00:30:29,708
- and I'm going to take a long,
expensive detour to steal your money!
339
00:30:31,001 --> 00:30:33,791
You damn Taliban bastard.
340
00:30:33,917 --> 00:30:37,833
I curse you and your family
and hope you burn in hell.
341
00:30:38,001 --> 00:30:41,000
You talking to me,
you Russian son of a bitch?
342
00:30:41,126 --> 00:30:45,333
I'm going to pull out your intestines
through your filthy throat -
343
00:30:45,459 --> 00:30:48,208
- and hang you in the nearest tree!
344
00:30:48,334 --> 00:30:52,583
Damn you! I'm going to do that to you,
you filthy shit-for-brains!
345
00:30:52,709 --> 00:30:54,666
Stop... stop.
346
00:30:54,792 --> 00:30:57,875
You son of a bitch! I'm going
to kill you, you crazy bastard!
347
00:30:58,001 --> 00:31:01,666
- Stop the car!
- What stop?! Where stop?!
348
00:31:01,792 --> 00:31:04,125
You crazy Russian!
349
00:31:04,251 --> 00:31:08,666
I'll kill you good! We kicked
your entire family out of your country!
350
00:31:10,876 --> 00:31:12,208
Come here, you...!
351
00:31:21,876 --> 00:31:27,125
I can't deal with all that negative
energy in such a confined space.
352
00:31:27,251 --> 00:31:31,083
So much... hatred
between people, Edward.
353
00:31:31,209 --> 00:31:36,458
We're going to sober him up,
and then we're going home.
354
00:31:44,126 --> 00:31:47,250
Well, let's get... going.
355
00:31:48,209 --> 00:31:50,875
Taliban monkey not so loud anymore.
356
00:31:51,001 --> 00:31:53,791
But you don't worry, you my friends.
Igor kill for free.
357
00:31:53,917 --> 00:31:57,333
Besides, he don't care.
He wasn't happy.
358
00:31:57,459 --> 00:32:02,791
Now, I promise he's much happier now
with his 72 fucking virgins.
359
00:32:02,917 --> 00:32:07,208
Now he's happier.
Now he's with his virgins. I'm sorry.
360
00:32:13,251 --> 00:32:16,750
For fuck's sake.
Ib, this isn't happening, is it?
361
00:32:16,876 --> 00:32:20,625
We're going to jail on account of a
drunk Russian that we don't even know.
362
00:32:20,751 --> 00:32:25,791
Edward, we have to take him home with
us. And we can't just leave the body.
363
00:32:25,917 --> 00:32:29,250
- Someone's gonna find him.
- Someone?
364
00:32:29,376 --> 00:32:33,083
That poor immigrant guy and his
immigrant kids who are now fatherless.
365
00:32:33,209 --> 00:32:37,000
Maybe he's a fucking ISIS who whips
his family with the Quran every night.
366
00:32:37,084 --> 00:32:41,083
But you don't know that!
Prejudice... bah!
367
00:32:41,209 --> 00:32:44,500
Well, Igor, let's go.
368
00:33:11,542 --> 00:33:14,916
- Let's go get a beer at the inn.
- But what if the girls come home?
369
00:33:15,042 --> 00:33:18,000
Gritt said they were sleeping at your
place. It's just you and me tonight.
370
00:33:27,459 --> 00:33:30,750
Are there any real men left?
371
00:33:31,709 --> 00:33:34,916
I really want a child.
372
00:33:35,042 --> 00:33:38,375
I'm going on 40, and my ovaries
are beginning to look like prunes.
373
00:33:41,626 --> 00:33:44,500
Soon I can only have kids
with nuchal folds.
374
00:33:44,626 --> 00:33:45,791
Yuck!
375
00:33:54,042 --> 00:33:59,583
- I thought we were going to my place.
- You never have any wine.
376
00:34:02,042 --> 00:34:04,375
Will we be happy without them?
377
00:34:04,501 --> 00:34:07,875
Oh, come on.
We're gonna have a ball!
378
00:34:08,001 --> 00:34:11,291
You'll meet other men who look you
in the eye instead of ogling your ass.
379
00:34:11,417 --> 00:34:16,291
Who can dance, think and go
to the art museum and watch PBS -
380
00:34:16,417 --> 00:34:20,416
- and who talk about other stuff
than stone wool.
381
00:34:30,459 --> 00:34:33,625
- Is this the reception?
- Is he one of their Poles?
382
00:34:34,792 --> 00:34:38,208
- Where is the mini bar?
- How dare he prance in like that?
383
00:34:38,334 --> 00:34:42,875
They stay in the cellar from time
to time, but they never come upstairs.
384
00:34:48,084 --> 00:34:53,000
Life is nothing without beauty and love.
Love is what makes you happy -
385
00:34:53,084 --> 00:34:55,916
- and if you're not happy,
there is no reason to live.
386
00:34:56,042 --> 00:34:59,875
So when Igor meets two beautiful women,
he sees lots of love -
387
00:35:00,001 --> 00:35:03,750
- and that makes him very happy.
388
00:35:03,876 --> 00:35:07,000
And I do not say that because I'm drunk.
389
00:35:07,084 --> 00:35:10,791
Igor is always drunk
and sees ugly women all the time.
390
00:35:10,917 --> 00:35:16,041
But you are very, very,
very beautiful.
391
00:35:17,084 --> 00:35:20,083
Who says you can leave your cellar?
392
00:35:21,126 --> 00:35:24,458
Who says you can leave your cellar?
393
00:35:26,292 --> 00:35:28,541
You are so hungry woman.
394
00:35:28,667 --> 00:35:34,000
You are like a juicy wet oasis. An oasis
just waiting to feed a thirsty man -
395
00:35:34,126 --> 00:35:39,000
- but you, so beautiful, where is your
thirsty man? No one drinks from you.
396
00:35:39,084 --> 00:35:42,791
And you, beautiful.
Like a painting by Da Vinci.
397
00:35:42,917 --> 00:35:45,875
Please come. Please.
398
00:35:46,001 --> 00:35:48,000
Please!
399
00:35:48,084 --> 00:35:52,750
Where is your man to see
your secret smile, beautiful lips?
400
00:35:52,876 --> 00:35:56,583
I like it very much.
Beautiful.
401
00:35:57,251 --> 00:35:59,750
Thank you.
402
00:35:59,876 --> 00:36:03,541
- Well, Malte, our dance teacher...
- Dance teacher?
403
00:36:03,667 --> 00:36:08,000
He thinks we are very passionate.
He's a Swede.
404
00:36:08,084 --> 00:36:12,750
Gay, of course, and sometimes
he compares us to two tulips.
405
00:36:12,876 --> 00:36:17,875
You tulips? But tulip is nothing
but the stupid vegetable.
406
00:36:18,001 --> 00:36:24,125
You are not vegetables!
You are women made offlesh and blood!
407
00:36:27,209 --> 00:36:30,916
- This is for every virgin I ever loved.
- Oh my.
408
00:36:31,042 --> 00:36:35,125
She feels a little pain
and I see the tear in her eye.
409
00:36:35,251 --> 00:36:39,750
And Igor says:
If she feels a little pain -
410
00:36:39,876 --> 00:36:43,375
- so Igor shall feel a little pain, too.
411
00:36:43,501 --> 00:36:47,541
So I stab myself every time with knife,
very painful.
412
00:36:47,667 --> 00:36:53,583
You know, guys from the Eastern bloc
can be very romantic.
413
00:36:53,709 --> 00:36:58,208
- You can say that again.
- Very.
414
00:37:00,459 --> 00:37:02,208
Can I...
415
00:37:04,626 --> 00:37:07,000
What's this?
416
00:37:07,084 --> 00:37:10,916
- It's also women you...?
- No.
417
00:37:11,042 --> 00:37:15,041
This is all the men I killed.
418
00:37:15,167 --> 00:37:19,541
- What?
- So you really tried to kill somebody?
419
00:37:19,667 --> 00:37:22,000
- Okay.
- How is it?
420
00:37:22,084 --> 00:37:24,916
- To kill somebody?
- Yes.
421
00:37:26,459 --> 00:37:28,375
Oh, it's nothing.
422
00:37:28,501 --> 00:37:31,875
First they breathe,
then they don't breathe.
423
00:37:32,751 --> 00:37:37,333
So, you stay long here in Nibe?
424
00:37:39,001 --> 00:37:41,833
As long as it takes.
425
00:37:42,001 --> 00:37:46,166
- Do you know Ib and Edward?
- Yes.
426
00:37:46,292 --> 00:37:48,500
They are my new friends.
427
00:37:48,626 --> 00:37:52,250
- You keep secrets with me?
- Of course.
428
00:37:52,376 --> 00:37:56,750
Wives not make them happy anymore.
429
00:37:58,084 --> 00:38:00,458
What do you precisely mean by that?
430
00:38:00,584 --> 00:38:04,625
Igor help them
not to be unhappy anymore.
431
00:38:04,751 --> 00:38:06,583
How?
432
00:38:06,709 --> 00:38:08,041
I kill them.
433
00:38:30,876 --> 00:38:33,208
You know where I can find them?
434
00:38:47,626 --> 00:38:49,708
Igor?
435
00:38:50,584 --> 00:38:56,625
You need something
stronger than wine, yes.
436
00:38:58,001 --> 00:39:00,833
- You need whisky.
- Okay.
437
00:39:01,001 --> 00:39:04,000
Where am I, by the way?
Is this hotel lobby?
438
00:39:04,084 --> 00:39:07,041
We go and we buy...
439
00:39:08,001 --> 00:39:10,208
...whisky.
Lots ofwhisky.
440
00:39:10,334 --> 00:39:14,041
And you can stay here in hotel lobby.
441
00:39:16,917 --> 00:39:19,750
- What are we gonna do?
- Get in the car!
442
00:39:19,876 --> 00:39:22,541
You're too drunk to drive.
443
00:39:29,251 --> 00:39:33,333
- I think I've peed my pants.
- Shit, Gritt!
444
00:39:33,459 --> 00:39:35,750
We're married to a couple of killers!
445
00:39:35,876 --> 00:39:39,375
I don't remember
when I last peed my pants.
446
00:39:39,501 --> 00:39:42,083
Fuck!
Ever heard anything that wild?
447
00:39:42,209 --> 00:39:46,625
Maybe it was at camp in '92...
448
00:39:46,751 --> 00:39:50,458
You don't chip in for a hitman.
If anyone's gonna kill me -
449
00:39:50,584 --> 00:39:54,208
- I want my own personal killer.
450
00:39:54,334 --> 00:39:56,416
I peed on my shoes... everywhere.
451
00:40:01,709 --> 00:40:05,083
- And then I saw...
- Have you been drinking?
452
00:40:05,209 --> 00:40:09,583
What the fuck do you think?
Do I seem sober or shitfaced?
453
00:40:09,709 --> 00:40:13,708
Down my legs and into my shoes...
454
00:40:13,834 --> 00:40:17,625
"What is this?
Did you pee your pants?"
455
00:40:18,667 --> 00:40:20,583
I peed my pants.
456
00:40:20,709 --> 00:40:24,666
Damn! It burst.
That's a first.
457
00:40:24,792 --> 00:40:26,833
Get out of the car.
458
00:40:27,001 --> 00:40:31,916
And the bitches can sleep on the couch
in a studio apartment on loser street.
459
00:40:32,042 --> 00:40:33,541
Loser street.
460
00:40:33,667 --> 00:40:37,750
They go see a lawyer only to find out
they're married to two strong women.
461
00:40:37,876 --> 00:40:41,500
Strong women
who knows their rights, Gritt.
462
00:40:41,626 --> 00:40:44,875
- Free women like you and me, Gritt.
- Yeah, we're totally free.
463
00:40:46,626 --> 00:40:49,208
We may very well be from Nibe -
464
00:40:49,334 --> 00:40:53,250
- but Malte says
this might as well be Hollywood -
465
00:40:53,376 --> 00:40:58,041
- and those women over there know how
to squeeze the last cent out of a man.
466
00:40:58,167 --> 00:41:02,625
- The last cunt?
- No, the last cent out of a man.
467
00:41:02,751 --> 00:41:04,666
We'll show them!
468
00:41:04,792 --> 00:41:08,375
We have a future, Gritt.
We can dance our way through life.
469
00:41:08,501 --> 00:41:11,916
- They can only sit on their fat asses.
- Hell, we'll convert Malte.
470
00:41:12,042 --> 00:41:16,458
- Yeah, why not?
- With our gigantic big balls.
471
00:41:17,376 --> 00:41:19,333
We rock!
472
00:41:19,459 --> 00:41:24,750
We'll be lucky to find a drop of blood
in your alcohol. What were you thinking?
473
00:41:24,876 --> 00:41:28,041
- You're looking at a minimum of...
- Where?
474
00:41:28,167 --> 00:41:31,000
- Where are you going?
- Where's the cell, Heinz?
475
00:41:31,084 --> 00:41:33,291
Down the end of the hall, 9 o'clock.
476
00:41:36,292 --> 00:41:39,041
He's been awake.
477
00:41:39,167 --> 00:41:42,833
No man can drink that much.
478
00:41:58,209 --> 00:42:02,000
Why don't we just tell the police?
479
00:42:02,084 --> 00:42:05,541
- The police?
- Yes.
480
00:42:05,667 --> 00:42:08,666
"Why don't we just tell the police?"
481
00:42:08,792 --> 00:42:13,375
- What can the police do?
- They can fix it.
482
00:42:13,501 --> 00:42:16,333
- Fix it? The police?
- Yes.
483
00:42:17,376 --> 00:42:21,083
No, they'll put them away for a couple
of years, and when they're released -
484
00:42:21,209 --> 00:42:24,500
- they'll rob us of everything anyway.
485
00:42:25,584 --> 00:42:28,416
The police!
486
00:42:38,709 --> 00:42:41,583
If they can hire a killer...
487
00:42:46,834 --> 00:42:49,291
...why can't we?
488
00:42:51,001 --> 00:42:54,333
Well, because it's against the law.
489
00:42:54,459 --> 00:42:56,916
- Against the law?
- Yes.
490
00:42:57,042 --> 00:43:00,000
No, it's equality!
491
00:43:04,126 --> 00:43:06,833
It's equality, Gritt. Hey!
492
00:43:07,001 --> 00:43:11,500
We have just as much right
to be bastards as men.
493
00:43:11,626 --> 00:43:13,500
Sure.
494
00:43:15,042 --> 00:43:18,875
- Okay.
- I'll tell you what we're gonna do...
495
00:43:33,334 --> 00:43:36,250
- Sure this is a good idea?
- We have to defend ourselves.
496
00:43:36,376 --> 00:43:42,708
- And Igor? Think she's a match for him?
- Wait and see. This girl is special.
497
00:43:42,834 --> 00:43:48,333
The British have got style. Downton
Abbey, Midsomer Murders and so on.
498
00:43:48,459 --> 00:43:52,916
The British are posh.
Discreet and soundless.
499
00:43:53,042 --> 00:43:56,458
When something is really complicated -
500
00:43:56,584 --> 00:43:59,291
- they just sweep it under the rug.
501
00:43:59,417 --> 00:44:02,541
- I need to go pee again.
- And I'm thirsty.
502
00:44:02,667 --> 00:44:05,666
- Shouldn't she have landed by now?
- I need some wine.
503
00:44:25,792 --> 00:44:29,000
Excuse me.
Where do you come from?
504
00:44:29,126 --> 00:44:32,000
Oh, I'm sorry, young man.
505
00:44:32,084 --> 00:44:35,083
I didn't think that
you'd be taking any interest -
506
00:44:35,209 --> 00:44:39,166
- in a silly old woman like me.
I'm flattered, dear.
507
00:44:39,292 --> 00:44:42,125
It's check-up day today,
so pure routine.
508
00:44:42,251 --> 00:44:44,000
I understand, dear.
509
00:44:44,084 --> 00:44:48,583
Now, what am I smuggling into this
lovely little country of yours today?
510
00:44:48,709 --> 00:44:53,041
Hard drugs, endangered species
or lethal weapons?
511
00:44:53,167 --> 00:44:57,041
- Can I check your bag?
- You most certainly may.
512
00:45:08,459 --> 00:45:11,000
Good God!
513
00:45:15,584 --> 00:45:19,666
Ingrid, I don't like this.
514
00:45:19,792 --> 00:45:25,541
No, but let's go to the summerhouse
and get acquainted, okay?
515
00:45:25,667 --> 00:45:29,250
Sure she's not crazy? I think
she's straight out of a horror movie.
516
00:45:29,376 --> 00:45:32,333
No, she's just an oddball.
517
00:45:32,459 --> 00:45:37,416
You can't get enough of oddballs.
They're just barmy.
518
00:45:37,542 --> 00:45:42,000
Mrs. Nipplesworthy, we are going now
to a very nice and cozy place.
519
00:45:42,084 --> 00:45:45,083
- Is there anything you need?
- Liver.
520
00:45:46,084 --> 00:45:47,833
- Liver?
- Liver?
521
00:45:48,001 --> 00:45:49,625
Raw liver.
522
00:45:49,751 --> 00:45:53,666
With a nice bottle of Chianti.
523
00:45:59,876 --> 00:46:02,833
Ladies... ladies!
524
00:46:03,001 --> 00:46:07,291
I'm only messing with you.
525
00:46:14,084 --> 00:46:16,625
So you want me to erase his memory?
526
00:46:16,751 --> 00:46:21,125
Not all of it.
Just the last couple of days maybe.
527
00:46:22,376 --> 00:46:25,250
- What is this all about?
- We'll give you 5,000 kroner.
528
00:46:25,376 --> 00:46:29,791
It's purely business. We brought him in
from the East to help us -
529
00:46:29,917 --> 00:46:33,916
- but he drinks too much.
He's Russian and more or less useless.
530
00:46:34,042 --> 00:46:37,625
Still, we felt bad
having dragged him all the way here -
531
00:46:37,751 --> 00:46:41,250
- only to fire him on the spot.
532
00:46:41,376 --> 00:46:45,458
So we thought it would be better
if he'd never had that experience.
533
00:46:50,834 --> 00:46:53,791
You're so full of crap.
534
00:46:53,917 --> 00:46:56,916
- 20,000.
- Done deal!
535
00:46:57,042 --> 00:46:59,833
- Wait outside.
- Deal.
536
00:47:00,001 --> 00:47:03,083
Ib... Where are you going?
537
00:47:08,251 --> 00:47:10,041
Poul?
538
00:47:13,084 --> 00:47:15,291
Poul!
539
00:47:18,626 --> 00:47:20,791
What the hell are you doing?
540
00:47:25,751 --> 00:47:29,041
- Where did you find her again?
- She had a website.
541
00:47:29,167 --> 00:47:33,541
- Awebsite?
- Yeah, to do with euthanasia.
542
00:47:33,667 --> 00:47:36,250
- Euthanasia?
- Yeah.
543
00:47:36,376 --> 00:47:41,125
She worked at a home for many years -
544
00:47:41,251 --> 00:47:45,583
- and was unjustly convicted of having
helped a lot of miserable old -
545
00:47:45,709 --> 00:47:50,041
- really broken old people,
who were dying anyway.
546
00:47:50,167 --> 00:47:55,916
She's dedicated her life to helping
people, who need to die, to die.
547
00:47:57,001 --> 00:48:01,625
And she also helps out
if you need help -
548
00:48:01,751 --> 00:48:06,541
- to make other people,
who need to die, die.
549
00:48:06,667 --> 00:48:10,375
People, who want to die...
but perhaps don't know it yet.
550
00:48:11,292 --> 00:48:13,291
What home did she work at?
551
00:48:13,417 --> 00:48:19,000
- I think it was Broadmoor Home...
- Home for what?
552
00:48:19,084 --> 00:48:22,458
Broadmoor Mental Institution is -
553
00:48:22,584 --> 00:48:26,708
- a well-reputed home
for psychopaths, sweethearts.
554
00:48:26,834 --> 00:48:29,541
Okay.
555
00:48:29,667 --> 00:48:34,041
- You worked there as a nurse, or...?
- Yes, of course.
556
00:48:34,167 --> 00:48:37,666
Yes, of course I was a nurse.
557
00:48:42,501 --> 00:48:46,541
"Now you travel back in your life, Igor.
Now you let yourself fall -
558
00:48:46,667 --> 00:48:48,833
- and see the job you should do."
559
00:48:49,001 --> 00:48:52,583
Igor says this is nuts,
but stupid woman says:
560
00:48:52,709 --> 00:48:56,041
"Yes, you see the job
you should do for Ib and Edward."
561
00:48:56,167 --> 00:48:58,833
"No, no," I say. "I don't see anyjob."
562
00:48:59,001 --> 00:49:01,916
"Oh yes," she says. "You will."
563
00:49:02,042 --> 00:49:04,916
And then she hypnotize.
564
00:49:05,042 --> 00:49:10,833
And then Igor sees all Igor's jobs!
They come to me, everyone of them!
565
00:49:11,001 --> 00:49:15,250
The Taliban swine, the three
horny midgets, the six Chinamen -
566
00:49:15,376 --> 00:49:18,166
- the stupid journalist,
who didn't like my friend Putin -
567
00:49:18,292 --> 00:49:22,208
- the woman with the big dick etc. etc.
So now she starts screaming.
568
00:49:22,334 --> 00:49:25,333
So Igor wake up.
"Why do you scream, stupid woman?"
569
00:49:25,459 --> 00:49:30,625
- So she screams: "Police! Police!"
- Yes, we heard. We heard.
570
00:49:31,542 --> 00:49:35,083
- She never should have locked the door.
- I asked her: "Why do you scream?"
571
00:49:35,209 --> 00:49:40,000
"Please stop screaming, you ugly woman
with ugly glasses. Please stop...!"
572
00:49:40,126 --> 00:49:43,083
Did you really have to...
573
00:49:44,417 --> 00:49:50,125
You know, Igor help.
Igor put her out of her misery.
574
00:49:50,251 --> 00:49:53,541
I could see she was not happy.
575
00:50:00,917 --> 00:50:05,125
Always look for the positive,
my mom always said.
576
00:50:05,251 --> 00:50:07,916
Like when my budgie died.
577
00:50:08,042 --> 00:50:12,125
"See, Ib. The good thing
about the budgie dying is -
578
00:50:12,251 --> 00:50:17,500
- that you can get a stuffed budgie now.
Not many people have that."
579
00:50:18,542 --> 00:50:21,916
Maybe all these horrific experiences
are good for us.
580
00:50:22,042 --> 00:50:26,541
I mean, right now we're parked right
in the middle of nature.
581
00:50:26,667 --> 00:50:30,916
Look! A live lark.
It gives you food for thought -
582
00:50:31,042 --> 00:50:35,166
- that in the middle of all this mess
there's still stuffto rejoice in.
583
00:50:35,292 --> 00:50:39,916
Hell, Ib, you're going crazy.
Pull yourself together, Ib.
584
00:50:41,417 --> 00:50:45,291
No... I didn't mean it like that.
585
00:50:48,042 --> 00:50:51,416
I miss my budgie.
586
00:50:55,167 --> 00:50:58,041
And here comes Heinz.
587
00:51:04,501 --> 00:51:06,625
Well...
588
00:51:15,042 --> 00:51:18,750
So, what's up, Dumb and Dumber?
589
00:51:18,876 --> 00:51:21,875
- Yeah, what's up, Heinz?
- Drunk bitches.
590
00:51:22,001 --> 00:51:25,916
Moonlighting.
What's next?
591
00:51:26,042 --> 00:51:30,125
Now that your missus
has lost her license -
592
00:51:30,251 --> 00:51:33,166
- her Mercedes is just collecting dust
in the garage.
593
00:51:33,292 --> 00:51:37,916
- What do you want, Heinz?
- Why, I want a Mercedes.
594
00:51:38,042 --> 00:51:41,666
- If you can moonlight, so can I.
- Why?
595
00:51:41,792 --> 00:51:43,625
Why?
596
00:51:43,751 --> 00:51:46,666
It's up to you whether I should drive
toward you with the tax man -
597
00:51:46,792 --> 00:51:50,250
- or drive off in a Mercedes.
598
00:51:54,292 --> 00:51:57,833
- Who's that guy?
- Just a friend of ours.
599
00:51:58,001 --> 00:52:01,541
- Yeah, he's just a friend.
- Oh. Does he have a work permit?
600
00:52:02,376 --> 00:52:05,333
Hey there.
601
00:52:05,459 --> 00:52:08,541
I'd like to see your passport,
papers and work permit.
602
00:52:08,667 --> 00:52:10,875
Right away.
603
00:52:11,001 --> 00:52:14,125
- Hello.
- Heinz, he doesn't speak Danish.
604
00:52:14,251 --> 00:52:17,916
- Heinz, you'd better not.
- Frigging Poles.
605
00:52:18,042 --> 00:52:22,333
Don't piss him off.
Igor's from Russia, not Poland.
606
00:52:22,459 --> 00:52:25,083
So what's he gonna do?
Blow on me?
607
00:52:26,876 --> 00:52:29,333
Hey, buster.
608
00:52:29,459 --> 00:52:32,750
Let me see your papers,
passport and work permit.
609
00:52:32,876 --> 00:52:37,000
It's a bad idea, Heinz.
You are a human being after all.
610
00:52:37,126 --> 00:52:39,625
- What?
- You've got a heart, too.
611
00:52:39,751 --> 00:52:43,375
- Haven't you got a wife and kids?
- Not on your life!
612
00:52:43,501 --> 00:52:47,000
- A dad or a mom?
- What the fuck are you talking about?
613
00:52:47,126 --> 00:52:51,750
All the people who love you
and who you love and go on picnics with.
614
00:52:51,876 --> 00:52:54,458
No, all that family crap just isn't me.
615
00:52:54,584 --> 00:52:59,041
So the day you pass away,
no one will mourn you -
616
00:52:59,167 --> 00:53:03,333
- with a cake buffet
and cousins singing country songs?
617
00:53:04,459 --> 00:53:09,083
You're losing it big time.
What the hell are you guys up to?
618
00:53:09,209 --> 00:53:11,583
- Is this your friend?
- No.
619
00:53:11,709 --> 00:53:16,916
I actually feel a bit sad for him,
because you know -
620
00:53:17,042 --> 00:53:20,041
- Heinz is not very happy.
621
00:53:20,167 --> 00:53:22,916
- Ib!
- Not happy?
622
00:53:23,042 --> 00:53:25,916
Not happy at all, Igor.
623
00:53:27,001 --> 00:53:29,708
No love, no family -
624
00:53:29,834 --> 00:53:32,416
- and not very happy.
625
00:53:32,542 --> 00:53:34,750
Ib, what the fuck are you up to?
626
00:53:34,876 --> 00:53:37,833
- You bet your ass I'm not very happy.
- Damn.
627
00:53:38,001 --> 00:53:41,708
Look, tell me what's going on.
Out of the way, buddy.
628
00:53:41,834 --> 00:53:46,416
You're digging a hole in the middle
of nowhere. What's going on?
629
00:53:46,542 --> 00:53:48,208
What is this?
630
00:53:48,334 --> 00:53:49,625
No!
631
00:53:52,834 --> 00:53:55,666
It's... No, never mind the time!
632
00:53:57,709 --> 00:54:00,000
You're under arrest
and you have the right to one...
633
00:54:00,126 --> 00:54:02,541
He doesn't speak Danish, Heinz.
634
00:54:02,667 --> 00:54:07,083
You have the right to maintain silence,
and according to law you can just...
635
00:54:07,209 --> 00:54:09,208
Okay.
636
00:54:21,042 --> 00:54:22,708
We have more drink?
637
00:54:24,917 --> 00:54:30,125
Well, Ib.
This is the end of the road.
638
00:54:30,251 --> 00:54:33,625
Heinz is going to get help.
It's all over -
639
00:54:33,751 --> 00:54:35,916
- and I will accept my punishment.
640
00:54:36,042 --> 00:54:39,125
- It'll ease my gut and my mind...
- Car keys... where are the keys?
641
00:54:39,251 --> 00:54:43,791
We'll get everything out in the open.
Don't worry, I'll take the rap.
642
00:54:43,917 --> 00:54:48,833
No need for both of us to spend 12 years
in the can getting buggered by goons.
643
00:54:49,001 --> 00:54:52,041
Don't get all worked up.
Igor's got a handle on it.
644
00:54:52,167 --> 00:54:57,458
Let's just be happy
that it can't possibly get any worse.
645
00:55:04,751 --> 00:55:07,916
- He missed.
- You're way too negative.
646
00:55:15,834 --> 00:55:20,625
No, we won't get away with this.
I've seen it too many times on TV, Ib.
647
00:55:20,751 --> 00:55:25,916
A man walks his dog, and the dog comes
back with a big bone wearing a sock.
648
00:55:26,834 --> 00:55:30,000
Next thing you know,
you're the star of a lame crime doc...
649
00:55:30,126 --> 00:55:34,416
We have to find a better place
where they won't be found.
650
00:55:39,917 --> 00:55:43,625
How slowly would you like it to happen?
651
00:55:43,751 --> 00:55:46,000
How slow?
652
00:56:03,459 --> 00:56:08,916
Now, this will leave them bleeding
for several hours -
653
00:56:09,042 --> 00:56:12,458
- before their eyes pop out
of their heads.
654
00:56:13,667 --> 00:56:16,416
It's quite painful, it must be said.
655
00:56:16,542 --> 00:56:20,250
Meanwhile, now this one...
656
00:56:21,667 --> 00:56:26,416
I call this Autumn Leaves.
657
00:56:27,584 --> 00:56:31,000
This will prolong the process
even further still -
658
00:56:31,126 --> 00:56:35,291
- causing to lose their hair and teeth
over a period of several weeks -
659
00:56:35,417 --> 00:56:42,125
- before finally their skin peels off
like leaves in autumn.
660
00:56:42,251 --> 00:56:45,666
Yes... yes.
661
00:56:45,792 --> 00:56:49,666
Anything tickle your fancy, ladies?
662
00:56:51,084 --> 00:56:53,458
First and foremost -
663
00:56:53,584 --> 00:56:58,291
- I personally don't think
their eyes should pop out.
664
00:56:58,417 --> 00:57:02,500
I think this eye-popping-out thing
sounds a little too much.
665
00:57:02,626 --> 00:57:07,541
What do you think, Ingrid?
Do you think their eyes should...
666
00:57:07,667 --> 00:57:09,416
No, no.
667
00:57:09,542 --> 00:57:13,583
No, personally,
I don't like the eye thing -
668
00:57:13,709 --> 00:57:17,791
- and also I don't know
about the Autumn Leaves.
669
00:57:17,917 --> 00:57:22,666
So difficult to decide.
Right, Gritt?
670
00:57:22,792 --> 00:57:28,375
Yes, it's very difficult.
So many things to choose among.
671
00:57:28,501 --> 00:57:34,125
Maybe it's all a little bit
too dramatic.
672
00:57:34,251 --> 00:57:38,791
Perhaps we could find something
a little more simple.
673
00:57:38,917 --> 00:57:42,375
- More Scandinavian style?
- Yes, more Scandinavian maybe.
674
00:57:42,501 --> 00:57:45,208
You mean dull and dark?
675
00:57:47,834 --> 00:57:52,291
Perhaps we could concentrate on Igor.
676
00:57:52,417 --> 00:57:57,375
And perhaps just give Ib and Edward -
677
00:57:57,501 --> 00:57:59,583
- perhaps just a little warning?
678
00:57:59,709 --> 00:58:03,041
A little warning?
679
00:58:03,167 --> 00:58:06,333
Maybe just... I dunno...
680
00:58:07,417 --> 00:58:10,458
Maybe just a little
unexpected diarrhea maybe.
681
00:58:10,584 --> 00:58:14,791
- Diarrhea?
- Just a little pooh-pooh in the pants.
682
00:58:19,876 --> 00:58:24,625
Pooh-pooh!
That would be hysterical.
683
00:58:25,417 --> 00:58:28,000
You asked me to come here.
684
00:58:28,084 --> 00:58:34,250
I packed my things. I put a great deal
of effort into my preparations.
685
00:58:34,376 --> 00:58:39,583
Because that is what we British
stand for. Discipline. Honor.
686
00:58:39,709 --> 00:58:44,833
And last, but not least, the renouncing
of the revolting human body.
687
00:58:45,001 --> 00:58:50,125
And what do I mean by that? Well,
the British do not like the human body.
688
00:58:50,251 --> 00:58:55,000
We live with it, it's true. Because we
have no option. We are forced to do so.
689
00:58:55,084 --> 00:59:01,708
And that is precisely why
I am skilled at what I do.
690
00:59:01,834 --> 00:59:07,625
I am an expert at helping people
vacate their bodies.
691
00:59:07,751 --> 00:59:12,166
That is my calling.
That is my life's work.
692
00:59:12,292 --> 00:59:18,291
I am here to save us all
from our human bodies!
693
00:59:27,542 --> 00:59:31,875
- She's utterly crazy.
- No, we're utterly nuts.
694
00:59:32,001 --> 00:59:35,708
- What the hell are we doing?
- Let's keep a cool head now.
695
00:59:38,001 --> 00:59:41,125
Why the hell didn't we buy more?
696
00:59:41,251 --> 00:59:44,833
I can't think without Chardonnay.
I'm going out for more.
697
00:59:45,001 --> 00:59:48,666
- Are you leaving me alone with that?
- Everything's going to be okay.
698
00:59:48,792 --> 00:59:51,000
I just need some wine.
699
00:59:55,417 --> 00:59:59,125
What a surprise.
700
00:59:59,251 --> 01:00:04,000
- When do you expect to finish it?
- We found a pile of bricks.
701
01:00:04,126 --> 01:00:07,291
And more are on the way from...
702
01:00:07,417 --> 01:00:09,625
From Krakow.
703
01:00:09,751 --> 01:00:15,333
- Isn't it quite wide?
- What do you mean, Mrs. Hansen?
704
01:00:16,501 --> 01:00:19,666
It's almost a meter wide.
705
01:00:21,292 --> 01:00:25,541
Yes, it's a solid wall
that no one can ever tear down again -
706
01:00:25,667 --> 01:00:30,791
- so that they'd find something
or someone inside it.
707
01:00:30,917 --> 01:00:34,375
- Not that there'd be that in a wall.
- Mrs. Hansen.
708
01:00:34,501 --> 01:00:36,666
Thanks, Ib.
709
01:00:36,792 --> 01:00:41,250
- Can we have a cup of coffee?
- You bet.
710
01:00:45,084 --> 01:00:46,084
There!
711
01:00:47,126 --> 01:00:48,916
Well, well...
712
01:00:51,417 --> 01:00:53,708
Maybe we should wall him up, too?
713
01:00:53,834 --> 01:00:56,791
I don't think Igor's very happy.
714
01:00:56,917 --> 01:01:01,125
No, it must be hard to sleep with
so many dead people on your conscience.
715
01:01:02,126 --> 01:01:05,416
Tell you what, Ib.
716
01:01:05,542 --> 01:01:08,375
- I'm going to tell it to him straight.
- No. Are you crazy?
717
01:01:08,501 --> 01:01:12,541
- I'll keep a civil tone.
- He's gonna kill us. You can't!
718
01:01:12,667 --> 01:01:15,166
Igor... Igor.
719
01:01:15,292 --> 01:01:20,000
It's all a big misunderstanding.
You don't need to kill our wives.
720
01:01:20,126 --> 01:01:25,125
It was just me and Ib...
a little crazy one night.
721
01:01:25,251 --> 01:01:29,291
- It's not because we don't like you.
- No, absolutely not.
722
01:01:29,417 --> 01:01:34,125
We like you a lot.
You have a great charisma and...
723
01:01:34,251 --> 01:01:40,083
We also want you to know that we
think you are a very, very good killer.
724
01:01:40,209 --> 01:01:42,583
Oh, absolutely.
725
01:01:42,709 --> 01:01:47,583
Truth is, Igor, we don't want you
to kill anyone anymore.
726
01:01:47,709 --> 01:01:51,541
- You are getting soft.
- Look, Igor.
727
01:01:51,667 --> 01:01:56,000
You don't have to kill your wife
or your husband -
728
01:01:56,126 --> 01:01:58,166
- because you don't make love anymore.
729
01:01:58,292 --> 01:02:01,875
Actually, it's very normal in this
country that you stop having sex -
730
01:02:02,001 --> 01:02:04,208
- when you get married.
731
01:02:04,334 --> 01:02:06,000
Then what do they do?
732
01:02:06,084 --> 01:02:10,125
They... they take care of the dog -
733
01:02:10,251 --> 01:02:12,500
- or the kids.
734
01:02:12,626 --> 01:02:16,416
You know, jog together and go
to Silvan Saturday morning -
735
01:02:16,542 --> 01:02:19,875
- and buy a have grill, for example.
736
01:02:20,001 --> 01:02:24,875
- Have grill?
- You know, cozy time with have grill.
737
01:02:25,917 --> 01:02:27,916
- No.
- No?
738
01:02:28,042 --> 01:02:32,500
You are my friends. I don't want you
to live unhappy lousy lives -
739
01:02:32,626 --> 01:02:35,000
- with your frigid wives.
740
01:02:35,126 --> 01:02:39,583
But wives love us again.
They're not frigid anymore, nope.
741
01:02:41,042 --> 01:02:45,291
Okay.
If they really love you again -
742
01:02:45,417 --> 01:02:49,000
- I want to hear it
from their own mouths.
743
01:02:49,084 --> 01:02:51,708
Not from you two soft chicken.
744
01:02:53,417 --> 01:02:55,458
Of course, Igor.
You're absolutely right.
745
01:02:55,584 --> 01:02:59,666
Of course you should hear it from their
mouths, and you should meet them -
746
01:02:59,792 --> 01:03:03,583
- and you should talk to them. Then they
will tell you how much they love us.
747
01:03:03,709 --> 01:03:06,708
And then you can go home.
748
01:03:06,834 --> 01:03:09,791
- Okay.
- But we'll never talk them into that!
749
01:03:11,667 --> 01:03:14,083
Ib, I've got a plan.
750
01:03:15,917 --> 01:03:19,291
How terrible.
The girls haven't said a word.
751
01:03:19,417 --> 01:03:22,916
Both of you at the same time?
752
01:03:23,042 --> 01:03:26,291
Where is God in all this?
Is it work-related?
753
01:03:26,417 --> 01:03:29,625
- I'm sure it is.
- All the stuff you inhale.
754
01:03:29,751 --> 01:03:33,875
I haven't got any wigs for men,
but I can cut these in shape.
755
01:03:34,001 --> 01:03:36,208
You haven't lost your hair yet.
756
01:03:36,334 --> 01:03:39,291
The chemo will make it
come off in giant tufts.
757
01:03:39,417 --> 01:03:41,750
Try them on.
758
01:03:43,542 --> 01:03:46,416
- Hi, Ib.
- Bent.
759
01:03:46,542 --> 01:03:48,416
Hi, Edward.
760
01:03:48,542 --> 01:03:53,875
What's up?
How come you look like that?
761
01:03:54,001 --> 01:03:59,541
- Ib and Edward have got cancer.
- Yeah, we're gonna be bald as eggs.
762
01:03:59,667 --> 01:04:02,000
Skinheads.
763
01:04:02,126 --> 01:04:04,375
You... you...
764
01:04:04,501 --> 01:04:08,625
You just ought to...
765
01:04:08,751 --> 01:04:11,583
...ought to go to...
766
01:04:11,709 --> 01:04:14,333
Bent thinks you should take up salsa.
767
01:04:15,251 --> 01:04:18,375
Salsa, Bent.
Hell, that's just what we need -
768
01:04:18,501 --> 01:04:21,541
- with a body full of cancer.
For fuck's sake!
769
01:04:21,667 --> 01:04:26,000
- Thank you, Bent.
- You're welcome, my friend.
770
01:04:38,792 --> 01:04:42,875
- Why do we always make fun of Bent?
- Because we always have.
771
01:04:43,001 --> 01:04:47,583
Not before the accident.
We used to look up to him.
772
01:04:47,709 --> 01:04:51,458
He was the best footballer on the team.
773
01:04:51,584 --> 01:04:56,708
And then the ball rolled out in front
of the car on the highway.
774
01:04:56,834 --> 01:05:00,875
He was gone for six months and when
he returned, he'd turned into a spazz.
775
01:05:01,001 --> 01:05:04,666
- I told you, kids are a load of crap.
- But why do we make fun of him?
776
01:05:04,792 --> 01:05:09,583
He never should have chased
that ball on to the goddamn highway.
777
01:05:11,292 --> 01:05:14,750
Because we're afraid
of Spazzy Bent, Edward.
778
01:05:14,876 --> 01:05:19,458
We're afraid of kids. We're afraid
they'll run out in front of the cars.
779
01:05:19,584 --> 01:05:23,083
- Yeah right.
- But he's happy.
780
01:05:23,209 --> 01:05:27,791
- He dances and he's got a sex life.
- And that's strange.
781
01:05:27,917 --> 01:05:30,250
And what have we got?
782
01:05:30,376 --> 01:05:33,916
You want me to throw myself in front
of a car to get laid? That's stupid.
783
01:05:34,042 --> 01:05:37,208
You're not making any goddamn sense.
784
01:05:53,667 --> 01:05:56,875
Gritt, what are you doing?
785
01:05:58,292 --> 01:06:00,750
I can't take it anymore.
786
01:06:00,876 --> 01:06:05,833
I've had it!
No more perverted psychos.
787
01:06:06,001 --> 01:06:09,000
Are you going to dump her in there?
788
01:06:09,084 --> 01:06:14,041
We're going to do like the British.
Sweep it under the rug. Gone!
789
01:06:16,834 --> 01:06:19,541
I want to be normal, Ingrid.
790
01:06:19,667 --> 01:06:22,541
I miss Ib and his potbelly.
791
01:06:22,667 --> 01:06:26,166
I don't want to go looking for men
who watch PBS -
792
01:06:26,292 --> 01:06:30,000
- because I know that Ib loves me -
793
01:06:30,084 --> 01:06:36,583
- and you're crazy if you can't see
that we've just got our lines crossed.
794
01:06:38,251 --> 01:06:43,375
We used to be happy.
Why can't we be happy again?
795
01:06:45,751 --> 01:06:50,583
I can't take you seriously
if I have to look down on you.
796
01:06:53,584 --> 01:06:56,583
Give me the shovel, quick!
797
01:06:56,709 --> 01:07:00,375
You fucking bitches!
798
01:07:12,126 --> 01:07:15,083
- Hello.
- Igor, this is Edward.
799
01:07:15,209 --> 01:07:17,458
Can you see the house behind you?
800
01:07:17,584 --> 01:07:22,041
It's my house. Gritt and Ingrid are
both waiting for you inside, okay?
801
01:07:22,167 --> 01:07:24,875
- Okay, I kill them?
- No, no!
802
01:07:25,001 --> 01:07:28,583
No, no, Igor. No kill.
They're happy now, very much.
803
01:07:28,709 --> 01:07:31,333
You wanted to hear it
from themselves, right?
804
01:07:33,876 --> 01:07:36,625
Hi, you must be Igor.
I'm Ingrid.
805
01:07:36,751 --> 01:07:39,708
I'm very happy I'm not frigid.
Come in.
806
01:07:44,167 --> 01:07:48,208
Igor, please sit down and have a drink.
807
01:07:48,334 --> 01:07:52,625
I'm Gritt, and I'm very happy
and not frigid.
808
01:07:52,751 --> 01:07:55,750
We are sorry that it's so dark -
809
01:07:55,876 --> 01:08:00,208
- but we forgot
to pay the electricity bill.
810
01:08:00,334 --> 01:08:03,791
Ib and Edward told us
about the little mistake.
811
01:08:03,917 --> 01:08:09,583
If you ask me, I don't think
you should kill us. Right, Ingrid?
812
01:08:12,084 --> 01:08:18,000
You see, Igor, we love our husbands
very, very, very much -
813
01:08:18,084 --> 01:08:22,625
- but sometimes marriage gets
a little bit tired, you know?
814
01:08:22,751 --> 01:08:27,583
It's a bit like tide water.
Sometimes the water is high -
815
01:08:27,709 --> 01:08:30,541
- and sometimes it's low.
816
01:08:30,667 --> 01:08:35,625
And for the last day,
the water has been very, very, very low.
817
01:08:35,751 --> 01:08:40,458
- I hate water.
- Yes, of course you hate water.
818
01:08:40,584 --> 01:08:43,458
Who doesn't?
Don't you hate water, Ingrid?
819
01:08:43,584 --> 01:08:46,833
Hate water! I hate water.
820
01:08:47,001 --> 01:08:50,250
But you see, Igor...
821
01:08:50,376 --> 01:08:54,666
Women have so many feelings.
Their heart is so big -
822
01:08:54,792 --> 01:08:57,666
- and sometimes it's like
there's a storm inside. A storm, Igor.
823
01:08:57,792 --> 01:09:01,750
- Shit, Ib!
- I remember my first date.
824
01:09:01,876 --> 01:09:06,166
I was only 15,
and Sofus his name was.
825
01:09:06,292 --> 01:09:10,375
I had a good eye to him.
He was in my parallel class.
826
01:09:10,501 --> 01:09:12,583
And after many, many, many months -
827
01:09:12,709 --> 01:09:16,541
- finally he asked if I would walk out
and eat pizza with him.
828
01:09:16,667 --> 01:09:18,166
Ib, what the hell are you doing?
829
01:09:18,292 --> 01:09:24,166
I was so nervous and also hungry,
so of course I said yes.
830
01:09:25,209 --> 01:09:28,833
When he kissed me outside
Pizzeria Milano...
831
01:09:29,001 --> 01:09:34,708
...I swear my knees were like rubber
and my heart missed a slag.
832
01:09:35,917 --> 01:09:41,500
You probably are the two ugliest
trannies I have ever laid my eyes on.
833
01:09:41,626 --> 01:09:45,333
I think I am gonna be sick.
834
01:09:45,459 --> 01:09:50,041
- I agree.
- What are you saying?
835
01:09:52,042 --> 01:09:57,750
I am saying you both look like retired
Ukrainian hookers in a car crash.
836
01:09:57,876 --> 01:10:00,208
I'm glad the lights are out.
837
01:10:00,334 --> 01:10:05,333
- How dare you talk to women like that?
- How dare I?
838
01:10:05,459 --> 01:10:08,083
- Ib, goddammit.
- You are very ugly.
839
01:10:08,209 --> 01:10:11,166
- Fuck you!
- Please don't.
840
01:10:15,834 --> 01:10:17,500
No!
841
01:10:18,292 --> 01:10:24,458
What the hell got into you, Ib?
What the hell got into you, man?!
842
01:10:24,584 --> 01:10:27,375
I won't have him talk
to Gritt like that.
843
01:10:27,501 --> 01:10:31,541
- You're not Gritt, you're Ib!
- Where am I? Is my hair okay?
844
01:10:31,667 --> 01:10:34,208
You're not Gritt, you're Ib.
You're a man!
845
01:10:34,334 --> 01:10:38,625
It was the woman inside me, Edward.
She came thundering out.
846
01:10:38,751 --> 01:10:42,583
Suddenly I felt breasts,
ovaries and everything.
847
01:10:42,709 --> 01:10:47,000
Suddenly I'd like to have kids.
848
01:10:49,584 --> 01:10:53,833
Give it to me. Give it to me.
Give it to me!
849
01:10:56,501 --> 01:11:00,041
Ib, stop looking at me like that.
850
01:11:00,167 --> 01:11:03,416
We have to get outta here!
We must find the girls.
851
01:11:03,542 --> 01:11:05,416
We have to put an end to this!
852
01:11:25,001 --> 01:11:28,625
- Pick up the goddamn phone, Ingrid.
- Ingrid speaking.
853
01:11:28,751 --> 01:11:32,666
- Hi, Ingrid, it's me.
- Hi, Edward.
854
01:11:32,792 --> 01:11:36,333
Look, we have to meet right away!
855
01:11:36,459 --> 01:11:41,541
- Don't you boss me around.
- Oh, I didn't mean to boss you around.
856
01:11:41,667 --> 01:11:45,000
You bet you didn't.
You sound so grumpy.
857
01:11:45,126 --> 01:11:49,625
- No, I'm just a bit stressed out.
- You sound grumpy.
858
01:11:49,751 --> 01:11:53,708
I know I'm grumpy.
We've been over it like 4,000 times.
859
01:11:53,834 --> 01:11:57,083
- But it doesn't sink in, does it?
- We have to meet right away.
860
01:11:57,209 --> 01:11:59,625
Let's meet at the inn, then.
861
01:11:59,751 --> 01:12:04,166
No, we can't meet there.
862
01:12:04,292 --> 01:12:06,083
- What's up?
- Be there.
863
01:12:06,209 --> 01:12:09,333
- We'll meet there. No problem.
- Just be there.
864
01:12:09,459 --> 01:12:12,625
Goddamn it, Ib,
We're meeting at the inn.
865
01:12:12,751 --> 01:12:15,166
I couldn't... shit.
866
01:12:15,292 --> 01:12:20,583
Let me out! Fucking bitches!
867
01:12:24,626 --> 01:12:27,875
- What the hell...?
- What the hell happened to you?
868
01:12:31,167 --> 01:12:36,750
- Look, we can't talk here.
- This is a fine place to talk.
869
01:12:36,876 --> 01:12:39,666
You can't hurt us here, you see.
870
01:12:39,792 --> 01:12:42,916
Well, what happened to your killer?
871
01:12:44,417 --> 01:12:47,000
Yes...
872
01:12:47,084 --> 01:12:51,250
- You know?
- We know everything.
873
01:12:51,376 --> 01:12:56,250
As a matter offact,
we've got Heinz on the phone.
874
01:12:56,376 --> 01:12:59,375
We told him we felt threatened -
875
01:12:59,501 --> 01:13:02,375
- so he's ready to move out
if you try anything.
876
01:13:02,501 --> 01:13:06,041
- Oh, Heinz?
- Right, Gritt?
877
01:13:22,334 --> 01:13:24,750
Why are you looking like that?
878
01:13:24,876 --> 01:13:28,375
Maybe you'd like to explain -
879
01:13:28,501 --> 01:13:34,291
- what the hell is going on
in your sick heads. A hitman?!
880
01:13:34,417 --> 01:13:39,458
This whole mess with the divorce
and the moneyjust really got to us -
881
01:13:39,584 --> 01:13:42,375
- and then we did a stupid thing.
882
01:13:42,501 --> 01:13:44,833
It's very human -
883
01:13:45,001 --> 01:13:50,291
- to mess up and live to regret it.
884
01:13:50,417 --> 01:13:55,458
Maybe it's subconscious.
You do something against your will.
885
01:13:55,584 --> 01:13:58,166
You want to do something -
886
01:13:58,292 --> 01:14:00,541
- but you don't want to after all.
887
01:14:00,667 --> 01:14:03,000
We know what subconscious means.
888
01:14:03,126 --> 01:14:07,833
We'd never kill you
on account of alimony.
889
01:14:08,001 --> 01:14:10,166
Nobody deserves to die. Not you either.
890
01:14:10,292 --> 01:14:14,250
- Do you want me to call the police?
- Mind your own business, will you?
891
01:14:14,376 --> 01:14:19,416
- Aren't they threatening to kill you?
- Do we look dead? No, right?
892
01:14:19,542 --> 01:14:24,333
- Ingrid, you'd better keep it down.
- You don't discuss killing your wife.
893
01:14:24,459 --> 01:14:28,250
- We're discussing them considering it.
- Well, you don't consider it either.
894
01:14:28,376 --> 01:14:33,000
So none of you have ever had
forbidden thoughts?
895
01:14:33,126 --> 01:14:36,625
If only you could blow the head off the
guy who cuts you off at the crossing -
896
01:14:36,751 --> 01:14:39,333
- or the guy blocking the escalator.
897
01:14:39,459 --> 01:14:43,833
Or your husband who always forgets your
anniversary and gives you a blender.
898
01:14:44,001 --> 01:14:49,458
Or when you're busy and stuck
in the line at the supermarket -
899
01:14:49,584 --> 01:14:52,875
- I'm just saying, that makes
some of us think certain thoughts.
900
01:14:53,001 --> 01:14:56,833
- But not you.
- That blender works like a dream.
901
01:14:57,001 --> 01:15:00,541
No, you're so polite and you've
got your head so far up your ass -
902
01:15:00,667 --> 01:15:03,000
- you can look out through your throat.
903
01:15:10,834 --> 01:15:13,500
Don't drink any more!
904
01:15:17,292 --> 01:15:19,166
- She's here.
- Get out!
905
01:15:24,876 --> 01:15:28,666
- It's flat! They're all flat!
- Run!
906
01:15:28,792 --> 01:15:33,166
- They're all flat.
- Taxi! Taxi!
907
01:15:39,251 --> 01:15:40,416
Go!
908
01:15:46,042 --> 01:15:49,208
I don't think
you look very happy tonight.
909
01:15:56,001 --> 01:15:58,041
What is wrong with you people?
910
01:16:00,334 --> 01:16:04,375
You have no problems.
You have no problems.
911
01:16:04,501 --> 01:16:08,625
My mother and father in Murmansk
far away, they have problems.
912
01:16:08,751 --> 01:16:12,291
They live together for 50 years.
They are married for 50 years -
913
01:16:12,417 --> 01:16:15,541
- but they still kiss.
914
01:16:15,667 --> 01:16:21,125
They have problems, they fight.
She hit him, he fall, she pick him up.
915
01:16:21,251 --> 01:16:26,708
But they love each other, they kiss
each other, they fuck each other.
916
01:16:26,834 --> 01:16:31,833
She's very, very big woman,
and he has a very, very small dick.
917
01:16:32,001 --> 01:16:37,416
But you know, a little tiny fuck
is always better than no fuck.
918
01:16:37,542 --> 01:16:43,375
And you have everything. You have
woman, man, car, house, money.
919
01:16:43,501 --> 01:16:46,500
You have everything,
but you have no fuck!
920
01:16:46,626 --> 01:16:51,000
Edward... Edward?
What are you doing, Edward?
921
01:16:51,751 --> 01:16:55,000
Sit.
Sit down, Edward.
922
01:17:01,292 --> 01:17:07,000
I really like you guys, but it just
makes me so sad when I see sad people.
923
01:17:07,126 --> 01:17:10,666
Hello, Igor?
You're alright, you're okay.
924
01:17:10,792 --> 01:17:15,875
You talk about being happy
all the time -
925
01:17:16,001 --> 01:17:20,000
- but are you happy, Igor?
Where is love in your life?
926
01:17:20,126 --> 01:17:25,708
I think you just kill people
because they're like you. Unhappy.
927
01:17:27,001 --> 01:17:30,791
You really think this is some kind
of stupid movie moment?
928
01:17:30,917 --> 01:17:36,041
Yes, Igor. This is where
the good guy talks to the bad guy -
929
01:17:36,167 --> 01:17:41,333
- and he makes him realize
that he's totally wrong.
930
01:17:41,459 --> 01:17:44,000
I haven't seen that work in a movie.
931
01:17:44,084 --> 01:17:47,541
Then you haven't seen many, many movies.
932
01:17:47,667 --> 01:17:51,041
- There's many, many, many movies...
- Name one.
933
01:17:54,584 --> 01:17:58,458
Okay, Igor, then try this one.
934
01:17:58,584 --> 01:18:03,041
Have you ever given it a thought
that maybe people are unhappy -
935
01:18:03,167 --> 01:18:07,708
- just before you're going to kill them,
because you are going to kill them?
936
01:18:08,584 --> 01:18:11,916
Maybe that makes them
just a tiny little bit unhappy.
937
01:18:12,042 --> 01:18:17,458
Think that might just play a tiny little
fucking role, huh, you stupid Russian?
938
01:18:18,876 --> 01:18:22,458
Okay, Edward, now you tell me -
939
01:18:22,584 --> 01:18:24,666
- or I will kill you.
940
01:18:24,792 --> 01:18:27,791
When was the last time
you made your woman happy?
941
01:18:27,917 --> 01:18:31,458
There's never any time! She's going to
her goddamn salsa lessons all the time.
942
01:18:31,584 --> 01:18:33,333
Oh, cut it out!
943
01:18:39,542 --> 01:18:42,041
- Now we have a little time.
- What?
944
01:18:42,167 --> 01:18:45,708
So try to make her happy, Edward.
945
01:18:49,876 --> 01:18:54,000
- Well, what do you want me to say?
- Christ, you're romantic!
946
01:18:54,126 --> 01:18:58,291
- Say something to her.
- Sure.
947
01:18:58,417 --> 01:19:00,458
Sure...
948
01:19:00,584 --> 01:19:03,250
Ingrid, I think you're hot.
949
01:19:03,376 --> 01:19:07,208
And I think
it's a waste of tits and ass...
950
01:19:07,334 --> 01:19:11,458
- Holy crap!
- At least pretend I'm making you happy!
951
01:19:11,584 --> 01:19:15,458
He doesn't understand Danish.
Or would you rather die?
952
01:19:15,584 --> 01:19:19,291
Edward, try to talk about her eyes.
953
01:19:22,126 --> 01:19:26,833
Yes, well... Your eyes are so...
954
01:19:27,001 --> 01:19:30,500
Sure, your eyes are...
955
01:19:31,251 --> 01:19:33,791
...round and blue.
956
01:19:33,917 --> 01:19:37,083
Grey, green, no, brown.
957
01:19:37,209 --> 01:19:39,583
- They're blue-grey, you idiot!
- Shit!
958
01:19:39,709 --> 01:19:44,625
Ingrid, you're always on my mind.
You're with me all the time.
959
01:19:46,834 --> 01:19:52,250
And it's not your ass I see, but your
eyes, because they're really special -
960
01:19:52,376 --> 01:19:57,791
- your eyes are.
Both deep and... naughty.
961
01:19:57,917 --> 01:20:00,791
You have very intense eyes.
962
01:20:00,917 --> 01:20:05,875
I don't understand
why you're with a grump like me.
963
01:20:06,001 --> 01:20:09,875
But then you aren't anymore.
964
01:20:11,167 --> 01:20:16,000
All I know is
that for the rest of my life -
965
01:20:16,126 --> 01:20:19,416
- I'll remember those eyes.
966
01:20:22,584 --> 01:20:26,291
But then that's only
a couple of minutes.
967
01:20:26,417 --> 01:20:29,375
I'm sorry, darling.
968
01:20:29,501 --> 01:20:33,916
Oh, Edward,
I don't want anybody else than you.
969
01:20:34,042 --> 01:20:37,541
If only you were someone else.
970
01:20:45,584 --> 01:20:47,875
That was beautiful.
971
01:20:48,001 --> 01:20:52,000
Edward, you make us happy.
972
01:20:59,042 --> 01:21:01,166
Igor?
973
01:21:04,209 --> 01:21:08,875
Cyanide... 30 seconds.
And nothing...
974
01:21:09,001 --> 01:21:12,416
Haven't tasted such shitty vodka
since I was eight.
975
01:21:40,542 --> 01:21:41,750
No!
976
01:21:55,376 --> 01:21:57,000
No!
977
01:22:16,751 --> 01:22:19,583
The word salsa!
978
01:22:19,709 --> 01:22:25,375
Some say it comes from the sound
the Cuban musicians made -
979
01:22:25,501 --> 01:22:28,583
- while they played.
980
01:22:28,709 --> 01:22:35,250
Others claim it's because
salsa is a blend of many styles.
981
01:22:35,376 --> 01:22:40,541
Like the salsa sauce.
A little bit of everything.
982
01:22:40,667 --> 01:22:46,083
A little soft, a little sweet,
a little spicy.
983
01:22:46,209 --> 01:22:51,458
Like life itself.
We love, we hate.
984
01:22:51,584 --> 01:22:54,875
We fight -
985
01:22:55,001 --> 01:22:56,500
- and we kiss.
986
01:23:56,126 --> 01:23:59,708
Shit, I hate this.
It just isn't me at all.
987
01:23:59,834 --> 01:24:03,208
It's a load of bull.
These clothes are too tight.
988
01:24:03,334 --> 01:24:07,041
They're not intended to be worn.
They make you look stupid.
989
01:24:07,167 --> 01:24:09,541
It's not me at all.
990
01:24:09,667 --> 01:24:13,458
- Well, Gritt and I are off now.
- Already?
991
01:24:13,584 --> 01:24:16,041
Gritt's ovaries hurt.
992
01:24:16,167 --> 01:24:19,041
You're brave.
What about nuchal folds?
993
01:24:19,167 --> 01:24:23,541
With or without nuchal folds.
Ovulation in an hour.
994
01:25:14,501 --> 01:25:19,041
So, you finally finished
the Great Wall of China, huh?
995
01:25:19,167 --> 01:25:21,458
No need for sarcasm.
996
01:25:21,584 --> 01:25:26,416
- How are things with the girls at home?
- Just fine, Mrs. Hansen.
997
01:25:26,542 --> 01:25:30,875
It sure sounds like
you're boring in bed.
998
01:25:31,001 --> 01:25:36,000
- But, Mrs. Hansen...
- Time for a screwdriver!
999
01:25:37,501 --> 01:25:41,708
Oh dear.
Give me a hand, will you?
1000
01:25:41,834 --> 01:25:44,666
As for your women...
1001
01:25:44,792 --> 01:25:49,041
Men don't understand
it's all about the clitoris.
1002
01:25:49,167 --> 01:25:51,416
Most can't even find it.
1003
01:25:51,542 --> 01:25:55,416
And not only my late Poul,
but all my lovers.
1004
01:25:55,542 --> 01:25:57,666
Couldn't find it.
1005
01:25:57,792 --> 01:26:03,041
Searched for it like
it was the Higgs Boson in Switzerland.
1006
01:26:03,167 --> 01:26:06,708
They kept licking away
in all the wrong places.
1007
01:26:06,834 --> 01:26:13,458
No, I won't climax
if you put my big toe in your mouth!
1008
01:26:13,584 --> 01:26:17,041
How about I show you how it's done?
1009
01:26:17,167 --> 01:26:20,458
We could all go lie on the sofa.
1010
01:26:20,584 --> 01:26:24,000
My crawl space could do
with a nice makeover.
1011
01:26:24,876 --> 01:26:28,166
Let's just settle the bill later,
Mrs. Hansen.
1012
01:27:19,084 --> 01:27:22,083
Subtitles: Helle Schou Kristiansen
Dansk Video Tekst
84318
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.