Original subtitles

Try this for a deep, dark secret.

The great detective Remington Steele...

He doesn't exist. I invented him.

Follow... I always loved excitement,

So I studied and apprenticed..

and put my name on an office. HOLT INVESTIGATIONS

But absolutely nobody knocked down my door.

A female private investigator seemed so...... feminine.

So I invented a superior.

A decidedly MASCULINE superior.

Suddenly there were cases around the block.

Having a imaginary boss is dangerous way to live....

but so far, it's working.

SECURITY SERVICES GRAYBRIDGE

LINEN SUPPLY BLANCA RANDALL

Just a little bit. That's it. fine.

Just hold it right there.

Slightly to your mother... Fine.

That's it. Ok. Ok

Thank you. You have a most enchanting family.

For another $50, you can keep the kids.

My suitcase isn't big enough. Bye.

Didn't take him long to pick up the scent.

Only this time we saw him...

before he saw us.

I must say, Miss Holt, that I am less than impressed.

This is not why I retained the Remington Steele detective agency.

Thank you, Gentlemen.

I could have arranged this method of transportation myself.

Does not take a security genius to hire a armoured car service.

Mr. Hunter, this is only...

There are 2.6 million dollars worth of gems are arriving tomorrow.

Anybody wants to take a shot at them, only gotta do is...

blow that tin can apart and run like hell.

If they do, they will come up empty.

The art of security is a lot like a magic act, Mr. Hunter.

It's built on deception.

While everybody's looking here, the gems will be over here.

So if anybody wants that box, they are welcome to it...

because...

this is the one that counts.

Murphy will go through the service entrace with the gems...

neatly tucked away in a linen cart.

- Well I am impressed. - Mr. Steele will be pleased to hear that.

I will tell him myself tomorrow.

I am afraid that is impossible. He isn't in Los Angeles at the moment.

What? You mean he is not going to supervise the operation personally?

Oh, We explained it. Mr. Steele never involves himself directly in a case.

He functions best in a advisory capacity.

Insurance only covers half the value of those gems.

If you magic act turns sour, I am on thehook for a million 3.

Want a hell of a secret? I haven't got a million 3.

So I want steele in a trenches or i am going somewhere else.

We are sorry you feel that way, sir.

We will submit a bill for for the services till date.

Mr. Steele will be calling around 5:00.

I will discuss the situation with him to see how he wants to proceed.

I will expect an answer by 6:00.

- He in? - Waiting for you.

Let's get started.

It's five after five. Have you heard from Mr. Steele, yet?

We all know the problem. Let's talk soluton.

Well. Say goodbye to Mr. Hunter.

- Isn't that a little precipitous? - Laura, we made a rule.

If a client on the dealing directly with Remington Steele, we pass.

Gordon Hunter is creating a media event.

Television, Newspaper People magazine, for gods sake.

Whoever provides security for the gems gets kissed by the same spotlight.

The publicity is worth its weight in clients.

And you want Remington Steele personally supervise security?

- That's right. - May I ask a dumb question?

How is Remington Steele going to do that when he doesn't exist?

We do not have to produce a real live Remington Steele.

Hunter just wants to know he is there.

Trick is to keep...

our non-existent Mr. Steele involved, yet inaccesible.

Where Hunter is, he will always be somewhere else.

By the time Hunter realizes he hasn't met or seen "Remington Steele"...

we will have done our job.

I think we are courting disaster.

- Touch on the overhead. - It's killing us.

These offices, rental on furniture...

not to mention limousine and the chauffeur.

The reason I invented Remington Steele...

in the first place was to attract clients like Hunter.

I am telling you all we have to do...

manufacture his presence for a few hours...

we can permanently dispense with the red ink.

Hello?

Anybody about?

- Mr. Steele? - I am sorry. Mr. Steele is out of town.

I am his associate Murphy Michaels.

- Have we met before? - I dont think so.

- Odd. You look vaguely familiar. - I have got that kind of face.

- So you do. - Laura Holt.

Bernice Foxe.

Quite a busy office for so many secretaries.

I am a licensed private investigator, Mr...

Pearson. Ben Pearson.

Special agent?

For lack of a better title. I represent the South African goverment.

Sorry to barge in unannounced, thought it is best...

not make a formal appointment.

Like some coffee? I will make a fresh pot.

Or, Tea perhaps?

I will make some fresh water.

I am here on a rather delicate mission, I need your assisstance.

- Those gems you are guarding... - What about'em?

They are stolen. They were smuggled of South Africa, quite illegally...

and eventually sold to a private museum in Rome.

from there, They were lent to museums in Paris and London.

Now they are here on some sort of promotional tour in the states.

Naturally, my government wants them returned.

That's a legal matter. Why come to us?

Ownership is currently tied up in litigation...

but if the gems should be stolen now, it wont matter who they legally belong to.

You think there will be an attempt?

They are the rarest gems in the world. The royal lavulites.

More precious than diamonds because they are so few of them.

The only known deposits reside in my country. Yes, Ms. Holt...

I think there will be an attempt.

That's why i need to be fully apprised of your security measures.

You don't mind if we checked you out first?

Not at all. Quite frankly...

I would be rather disappointed if you didn't.

It would demonstrate a certain laxity on your behalf...

which would not be very reassuring to my government.

Then we will see you again, Mr. Pearson?

Count on it, Ms. Holt.

Delightful aroma.

Anybody know what time it is in South Africa?

Who are you?

Just a happy-go-lucky tourist seeing the world.

That's why you got five passports in five different countries...

in five different names?

- Keep trying for good picture. - Those gems belong to us.

I was under the impression that they belong to the South African government.

We have a proprietary client.

After all the courier who smuggled them out of the country initially worked for us.

Only he got greedy and sold them on his own.

He has been properly chastised for his indiscretion.

May i get up now or do you prefer in the crawling position?

Each time we try to reclaim those stones you get in our way.

First Paris then London.

Here you are again.

- Perhaps we have the same travel agent. - I am hungry.

Let's kill him and get something to eat.

Satisfy anything but your apetite.

I will admit we have been up to cross-purposes upto now...

- I think it's time we joined forces. - Why?

Certainly beats the alternative.

Keep in touch.

- Mr. Hunter. - You are late.

You can afford to be when you bring good news.

He'll be here.

Mr. Steele feels your situation warrants his closest attention.

He will be arriving late tonight.

Well? What do you think?

It seems very adventurous...

building automobile the way the industry is these days.

THE RAREST GEMS FOR THE RAREST AUTOMOBILE You ever have a dream, Ms. Holt?

A desire to see your talent recognized, your efforts applauded?

Yes.

Ever since I started on the assembly line assembling door panels...

I dream of having my name on the finest automobile ever built.

I went to engineering school at night. I even took speech lessions...

So that people listen to what i had to say instead of how i said it.

Averaged three hours of sleep at night for six years...

until i was running a division of my own.

I mortgaged everything except my vital parts to get this beauty launched.

This may just be another job to you, but it's my life.

I assure you, Mr. Hunter...

in my own way, I am also risking everything I have.

Good.

I never like doing business with someone who doesn't have something to lose as much as i do.

Dr. Livingstone, I presume.

I didn't order this.

The gentleman wishes to buy you a drink.

Tell the gentlemen I appreciate the gesture, but i am waiting for someone...

- A magnum of champagne? - You look thirsty.

You always do things on such a grand scale, Mr. Pearson?

Only when I am aroused...

with curiosity.

May I?

Tell me, Ms. Holt, How did you become a dick?

I beg your pardon?

Isn't that what you americans call a private detective?

Only in the movies.

I always loved excitement...

so i studied and apprenticed...

and eventually joined a large detective agency.

Until you fulfill your fantasies?

The work was rewarding. The recognition was nil.

It seemed no matter how successful my efforts were.

The lion share of the credit always went to my male counterparts...

regardless of their contribution.

Tawdry thing this male chauvinism.

- You exhibited a little bit of it yourself. - Oh, How so?

When you instantly assumed I was a secretary.

You must admit your occupation is highly unusual for a woman...

especially one of such obvious breeding and intelligence.

You carry the same prejudice most people do...

because of my sex you think i am not built for the job.

It's a rather rough and tumble trade.

Atleast that's the way it's portayed in your cinema.

All those blazing guns and smashing fists.

Believe me, It requires more brain than brawn.

I take it sex isn't a problem for Remington Steele.

Your's that is.

On the contrary.

He is the most generous, understanding supportive man i could imagine.

He seems to have rather large shoes to fill.

Few would be foolish enough to try.

Unless ofcourse, one enjoyed impossible challenges.

Will he be involved tomorrow?

Mr. Steele presence, will be felt rather than seen.

- And his associate? - Murphy Michaels.

I certainly hope he is invovled in the thick of things. Seems a overly competent chap.

He will play a vital role.

Tomorrow, then.

May everything go smoothly as i hope.

Excuse me.

Thanks for the champagne and the curiosity.

Murphy, I reserved a penthouse suite in Remington Steele's name.

That the bags up, arrange the clothes hang out the "Do Not Disturb" sign.

- Hate this, Laura. I really do. - It's working. Don't fight it.

Very clever, getting on team Steele's associates.

Simply sowing seeds, gentlemen.

And when can we expect a harvest?

Tonight. They will show me the route gems will take.

Naturally you are going to share that tip with your new associates.

I want you to follow us.

Of couse, If you are not interested, gentlemen, I will make the trip alone.

Excuse me.

Take my car. Blue Mercedes.

For gods sake, Don't lose this.

Ms. Holt.

I wonder if I might impose on you for a lift, Ms. Holt?

Certainly.

Plush.

Mr. Steele graciously allows me to use it whenever he is away.

- Mr. Steele sounds too good to be true. - Where can i drop you?

Where there is an abundance of police cars.

You in some kind of trouble?

Depends on how quick you can locate one.

Cut across the Sunset.

You pack a "rod", Ms. Holt?

You seen too many movies, Mr. Pearson. No, no i do not pack a rod.

I have never found a need for one.

- Pity. - Why?

Those who sumggled those gems of South Africa...

What about'em?

Was brutally murdered by the two gentlemen behind us in the blue Mercedes.

Can I use your phone? It's a local call.

Mobile operator? This is T-7328.

I would like the police.

- Yes, definitely an emergency. - Why are they following us?

Police? I would like to report a stolen vehicle.

Blue Mercedes 380 SL.

License number?

1 DRO373.

Last time i saw it was travelling...

- East on Sunset, just past Doheny. - East on Sunset, just past Doheny.

Please hurry up. I had some medicine and vaccine for my grandma.

If she does not receive it...

bless you.

Everyone needs a added incentive now and then.

In sight of this disturbing development, I suggest we change strategy.

- In what way? - Use a decoy.

And slip the gems in when no one is looking.

You are very good at this sort of thing, Mr. Pearson.

I read you mind, Ms. Holt?

Let's just say it's been considered.

- So are you. - What?

very good at this sort of thing.

probably reaffirms one's faith in the local constabulary

Cutting it a little close, aren't you?

I had a most incredible evening

- Yeah? With who? - Him.

I want to hear all the gory details.

First he bought me a bottle of champagne.

- Who bought you champagne? - Actually it was a magnum.

- I thought you did not like champagne. - What happened after the champagne?

We went for a drive That's when things really got hairy.

- Who went for a drive? - Laura and special agent Ben Pearson.

You and joyriding with a guy who could be...

a international jewel thief, for all we know a mass muderer?

- That's not like you, Laura. - Didn't he check out?

Yeah, he checked out.

I talked to his supervisor this morning.

The only bump is Pearson wasn't supposed to arrive till today.

So just to be sure, I requested a wire photo.

- Where are the bullets? - What are you doing?

This isn't going to be the piece of cake we thought it would be

The men who originally stole those gems were brutal murderers.

They followed us last night.

Ben took care of them brilliantly...

- Ben? - I feel better if you packed a rod.

A rod?

Page Remington Steele in exactly 27 minutes...

Just to keep his presence alive.

I will Hunter that Mr. Steele already left for the airport.

Good luck.

Sounds like you got a lot for a bottle of champagne.

was a magnum.

What a relief. Thought you would never get here in time.

Wonderful thing about Los Angeles...

It has 24 hour bail park service.

I told you, we should have killed him straight away.

It is difficult to maintain a relationship built solely on distrust, gentlemen.

Remington Steele.

The elevator, dear boy.

Telephone call for Remington Steele.

- Miss? - Mr. Steele?

- You found me. - This way Mr. Steele.

- There you are, Sir. - Thank you.

Steele here.

Who? Where?

Can't talk now, Ms... Wolfe?

Foxe.

I knew it is some sort of primitive creature.

- Sorry Bernice, but I have got to run. - Mr. Steele.

- Certainly relieved to see you here. - My sentiments precisely.

Come with me. There is someone i want you to meet in the security office.

Security office? Sounds very secure.

You know? Somehow i thought you will be older.

I can age when demanded.

Remington Steele, May I present special agent Ben Pearson, from South Africa.

Mr. Steele. A pleasure, sir.

I have heard a great deal about you.

And you name has preceded you, Mr. Pearson.

Mr. Pearson is here to assist you in protecting the gems.

That is a piece a good fortune I hadn't anticipated

I assume you are aware of Raymond Kessler and Leo Neff.

The gentlemen who mudered the courier. Yes, they made a indelible impression.

Atleast, they are a known quantity.

But I am afraid there is a bit of hiccup in all this.

Yes, it seems there is someone going around impersonating me.

- Cheeky blighter. - He did it in Paris and again in London.

You wouldn't, by any chance, have a description of this impostor?

My build, general coloring.

Could be anyone.

hmm.. including me.

Mr. Steele, How can I be of service?

You could detain Messrs Kessler and Neff. I believe they are in the hotel now.

Would that help you accomplish your objectives?

- That would go a long way. - Done.

Could we get on with it?

Ms. Holt.

- I just spoke with Mr. Steele. - It's alright.

- He's already left... - He just arrived.

Mr. Steele steele just arrived?

Yes, There he is with special agent Ben Pearson.

- Something wrong, old chap? - Stomach's a bit queasy.

I don't doubt it. I would be little gaseous...

protecting 2 million in rare gems.

Not to worry. Just remember I will be watching you every step of the way.

You have less than 20 minutes to get to the airport.

Yes. Shall we?

Why not?

- The man who was with you... - Yes?

- He isn't Remington Steele. - He isn't?

- He is an imposter. - He is?

- But don't say anything. - You can count on me.

Why don't you both go ahead, Ms. Holt? I will stay behind.

Nonsense. I want you both at the airport.

Of course.

- What did he say? - He wants us both at the airport.

I mean the phony Steele.

Oh, Not much actually. We barely introduced.

He is obviously after those gems.

Why didn't Gordon Hunter blow the whistle on him?

He has never actually met Mr. Steele.

You see Mr. Steele was out of town when we accepted this assignment.

Surely our charlatan realises that he will be xposed...

once the real Steele comes to see him.

When do you expect him?

That's difficult to pin-point.

But you did say he would be involved in this.

Yes. Extremely invlolved.

But unseen.

This is often tricky, Mr. Pearson.

So it appears. No pun intended.

You mustn't tell Hunter.

It would only undermine his confidence in the entire operation.

How long do you think we can keep this charade going?

Just until the gems are delivered safely.

And then you will nail this one that is Remington Steele?

To the wall, Mr. Pearson. To the very wall.

Graphically put.

Can I count on your co-operation?

Believe me, mum is the operative word here.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

- You're the only one that i can turn to. - Oh there, there, Ms. Holt.

As long as you trust me there is nothing left to worry about.

- Mr. Pearson? - Yes? Of course.

Mr. Steele.

Everything went without a hitch.

Yes. Fucking good job, isn't it?

You know, Steele, I must admit I was somewhat sceptical.

Your Ms. Holt certainly protects you.

Well, That's part of the function.

This was bordering on the ridiculous. Didn't see you...

talk to, not even on the telephone.

You were always out of town.

I was beginning to think you didn't exist.

What is this fetish you have for secrecy?

Anonymity is an asset in my profession.

Yes, but no photographs...

no interviews, never involving yourself directly in a case.

Wasn't only mine. Spoke with several people...

who dealt with your agency it was the same story.

many Ms. Holt, not on you.

Well, you have a great deal of me.

Who knows. When this is all over, you may rue the day you ever met me.

Seem to left my key at the desk.

Would you let Mr. Steele in to his room? He seem to have forgotten this keys.

- Thank you. So i will look for you tonight. - Tonight?

Yes, Formal unveiling of the HunterJetstar 6000.

- And of course the gems. - Of course.

Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Pleasure to meet you...

Mr. Steele.

- Any sign of him? - No.

Where do you suppose our imposter is?

Asking myself the same question.

Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats.

We have awful lot to accomplish this evening, Not the least of which is...

the unveiling of the finest automobile ever engineered by man.

But before we knock your socks off...

with the HunterJetstar 6000, I would like to take a monment...

to thank the Remington Steele detective agency.

Quite an endorsement.

Transporting and protecting the most precious gems in the world...

requires brilliant planning, daring execution...

and plain old street savvy.

So without further ado, let me introduce...

to you person responsible for the safety of the royal lavulite.

- So embarassing. i wish he would stop. - Wait.

Aboslutely astounding human being. Ladies and gentlemen:

Remington Steele.

"Years from now, when you talk of this, and you will, be kind".

Deborah Kerr to John Kerr. Tea and sympathy. MGM, 1956.

Thank you. Thank you. You are most generous with your applause.

But it would be unworthy of Remington Steele if he did not single out his...

most able and valued associate.

Truly the woman behind the man: Ms. Laura Holt.

Please, Ms. Holt, stand up and take a well deserved applause.

And now you have far more interesting things to look at than me.

So please, Mr. Hunter, show us your creation.

Thank you very much.

Without any further pause, I would like to introduce to you...

the HunterJetstar 6000.

- You... - I didn't know he was going to do that, my sincere apologies.

What are you going to do when Mr. Steele arrives???!!!

I would like to meet the man who's shoes I am attempting to fill.

- How am I doing so far? - Atrociously!

Your nothing like Mr. Steele. He's honest...

dedicated, better looking....

Why your nothing but a treacherous liar!.

A cheap crook! A cut- rate con man!!!

What are you doing? Let go of me.

What makes you think you think you will get away with this?

Impeccable man your Mr. Steele.

You know there is no piece of lint speck of dandruff...

or hank of air on any of his suits.

He normally wears a shirt once and then discards it...

no laundry marks to be found.

Same with the shoes. Soles seem never to have touched the ground.

Not one single solitary scuff mark.

He is fastidious almost to a fault.

- Bald too? - Of course not.

Then he is blessed. I am better at plucking stray hairs from my comb and brush.

Posititvely demoralizing, but an inescapable part of the human condition.

Does any of this say anything to you, Ms. Holt? Does to me.

It fairly shouts: "Remington Steele is a elaborate ruse.

He does not exist. You invented him".

What are you going to do with this absurd supposition?

Nothing.

Believe me, Laura, I didn't plan on assuming Remington Steele identity.

I am after something entirely different.

The gems.

The courier the one who was murdered...

he was my younger brother.

I am here to see Kessler and Neff pay for his death.

I don't know whether to believe you or not.

That's understandable.

The moment they are apprehended I shall be gone...

and your secret so leave with me.

Excuse me.

That guy is a fake. I told you, Laura.

- I warned you about him. - I know. I know.

This is the special agent from south africa.

What do we know about the courier who was mudered?

Let's see. his name is Otto Dettmer.

- He is born in Johannesburg... - How old is he?

Sixty three or four I think.

- Keep an eye on him. Come on. - Wait. Wait.

He certainly gets around.

"Douglas Quintain, England".

"Michael O"Leary, Ireland".

"Paul Fabrini, Italy".

"John Murrell, France".

- "Richard Blaine, Australia". - Wait a minute.

Run through those names again.

- I don't believe it. - I know. He doesn't look like Fabrini.

No. Each of those names is from a charater...

Humphrey Bogart played in the movies.

- Well, we know one thing. - What?

He likes Humphrey Bogart.

- Well, we know something else. - What?

He is a murderer.

- What are you doing? - Calling the police.

Laura, that guy is dangerous.

Ask Ben Pearson just how dangerous.

I want the agency to bring him in.

It's the only way we can come out even of this fiasco.

Besides, he has made the whole thing very personal.

He's not going to stick around after this.

He wants those gems. He wont leave until he has taken a shot at them.

I hope it's only the agency you are trying to protect.

It's the only thing I am interested in, Murphy.

Okay.

Mr. Hunter?

Welcome to the party. Throw some empty promises now.

There may be an attempt to steal the gems. Possibly tonight.

Way my luck's running, it will succeed.

We know who the potential thief is.

We are doing everything we can to locate him.

Ate my food, they drank my booze, but they didn't buy my car.

I am sorry.

I completely retooled an abandoned tire factory at Toledo...

and hired 800 people to tire the car nobody wants.

I tell you, Ms. Holt.

Dreams aren't all they are cracked up to be.

No, Mr. Hunter.

Sometimes they aren't.

Ms. Holt. What a welcome surprise.

How did you know where to find me?

Since you seem to have acquired a taste for masquerading as Remington Steele...

It was a logical place to look.

- Your brother the courier... - Devastating loss.

- He was 63 years old. - My older brother.

Laura, get it over with and turn him in.

No need for that. I confess.

I admit your intuition was correct. I am here for the gems.

But not for myself. For a modest commission...

I intend to return them to their rightful owner: The South African government.

- By Stealing them? - From the people who stole them.

I think that's just a technicality. You are a thief.

Kessler and Neff were thieves. I am an aritist.

You are a murderer. Real Ben Pearson is...

hanging from a coat hook in your room.

- Those filthy... - Who?

Kessler and his aid Neff.

He was killed with a knife, wasn't he? Blade about 6 inches long?

Incision upwards and thrust toward the third vertebrae?

Hell of an accurate description for an innocent man.

I have been chasing those two animals halfway across europe.

Believe me, I am familiar with their work.

If you want them, you will have to move fast. They will go for the gems tonight.

What makes you so certain?

- I would. - You still intent to?

Thought has crossed my mind.

- Then, I would have to stop you. - If you could.

Easy. I will call the police.

Why haven't you already? Why aren't they here now?

- Because you don't believe I killed Ben Pearson. - I do.

You don't count. This is between Ms. Holt and myself.

Do you, Laura?

- I don't know. - Then don't waste time agonizing.

Tell me, what would Remington Steele do in this situation?

Call the police.

Then, call them.

Where are you going?

I have been avoiding those two gentlemen all evening.

I think it's time they found me. Hope you are not squeamish Murphy.

- Not on you. - Good.

Then, you won't mind bringing Pearson's body up here.

I tried his room. There is no answer. Perhaps you could page him in the lobby. Thank you.

Remington Steele. Telephone call for Remington Steele.

Telephone call for Remington Steele.

- Here. - Remington Steele? Sorry, sir.

Here, Mr. Steele.

Steele here.

We have been looking for you, Mr. Steele.

There's no avoiding good friends, is there?

This time we brought our own transportation.

I wage you to have an easier time to crack that safe if you have the specification.

- Where would we get them? - Remington Steele.

After all, he's the one who has provided security for the gems.

Shall we?

Where are they?

Holy shit. We left him in his room.

So you did, gentlemen.

I think a laboratory will find this to be the murder instrument.

- Who are you? - Are you kidding? He's Remington Steele.

You're as good

as they say you are.

Remington Steele agency is far more than one man officer.

On their behalf I thank you.

You'll be alright?

Well?

Well?

I am afraid it's time to leave your lovely city.

Where'll you go?

Wherever the gems travel next.

San Francisco i believe.

I give you my word.

I won't try to liberate the gems until they are safely out of your jurisdiction.

All things considered, you made a delightful Remington Steele.

Pressing other commitments weren't so severe...

I might relish the role on a permanent basis.

After all, I am a man who enjoys impossible challenges.

Somebody blind-sided me.

He lied to me.

Treacherous thief lied to me!

Don't worry. Don't worry.

I was very encouraged by last night's show...

Stop that man! He's a thief!

- You didn't steal the gems? - Laura, I gave you my word.

- They are fair game now. - Oh, no they are not.

Hold it steady.

- You are blocking me. - Gimme that handle.

I take it, you wanted to drive.

STEELE PURE GOLD "Remington Steele and unidentified woman"...

that's you, "rescue rare gems".

Poor Mr. Hunter. He wasn't the thief.

Just a man who saw his dream going down a sea of red ink.

He wanted to use the gems to finance production of his automobile.

- Good morning. - Lester Giddons.

I have a 9:00 with Remington Steele.

I am afraid Mr. Steele was called away on urgent business...

in San Francisco.

But we can use his office.

If anyone should call...

He won't.

Mr. Steele, I thought you were in San Francisco.

I was.

But suddenly, there was nothing to do much there.

Now, how can I help you?