Original subtitles

It says here there's a supervolcano in Yellowstone

that's gonna explode and destroy the world.Yeah?

So, yes, I will have another beer.

[knocking on door]Who's that?

We're everybody you know.

You know who's not gonna knock before they come

into your house? Supervolcano.

Adam.

Alice. [chuckles]

[laughs]Yeah.

Look, guys, it's my mother-in-law

at my door with no warning.

I just wanted a nice visit with my family.

Ah.Where's Andi?

Uh, she's out buying new towels.

Yeah, she asked if I wanted to go with her,

and now I regret saying no.

Oh.[both laugh]

Oh, Adam, I love your little jokes.

[laughs]

I'm gonna go upstairs and surprise the kids.Okay.

Hey, Don.

Hello, little man I don't know.

[door closes]

Where's your supervolcano when I need it?

The nuts are better.Oh, good, you found my brownies.

I was saving those.

Where's Alice?

Upstairs unpacking.

She's really making herself comfortable.

She already turned the thermostat up to 80.

Andi is not gonna like this surprise.

Well, what's the big deal? Alice seems nice.

Uh, she is, but she makes Andi crazy.

And instead of telling her mom she makes her crazy,

Andi puts me in the middle.

And I have to take it, because of one promise

I made in a church 20 years ago.

[car door closes]

Andi's home. I better go warn her outside,

away from anything breakable.

ANDI: Hey, honey.

I got the towels. Oh, and I picked up

Teddy's new baseball bat.Ooh.

Let me hold that for you.

And can I just say

that you look beautiful

and I will love you until the end of time.

What happened and how upset am I going to be?

Good, your mind is prepared for something horrible.

Your mom is here.

What?Mm-hmm.

But we're not ready. I mean, I-I haven't steamed

or cleaned or washed or prepped.

It looks like our regular house in there.

Smart to get rid of the bat, huh?

A volcano's bad enough,

but a supervolcanowill take your head right off.

Hi, Mom.

Oh, there she is.

Oh, Don was just telling me how we're all gonna die.

Ah.

Ah, this is such a surprise.

You're here.

Without calling or texting or any of the things people do.

[both laugh]

Where's Dad?

Oh, he's having a staycationwith George and Fred.

Those are our Yorkies.

We gave them human namesso it wouldn't be weird

when they sitand eat at the table.

Now, u-uh, Mom, b-before you say anything,

o-our house is usually much neater.

Oh, it looks fine.

[chuckles] Yeah, sure.

Um... let's go into the living room, huh?

Where the couch pillowsbetter be fluffed.

They might be.

I never know what you mean when you say that.

[laughs] He knows whata fluffy pillow is, Mom.

You can't listen to him.He's on the beer.

♪

Hey.

I'm "on the beer"?

I made $300 last year recycling your wine bottles.

I'm sorry. I-I knowyou didn't do anything wrong.

It's just, you know,when my mom is here,

I have to be perfect.

Hey, hey. Remember when your mom wasn't here?

That was great, right?

I just don't want to disappoint her.

You know, it's like I'm ten years old.

Why can't you just tell your mom

that you don't feel likeyou can be yourself around her?

I-I think she needs to hear that.

You're right. She does need to hear that.

Finally.

But with one small adjustment.

You see, I think

that she needs to hear it from you.

Wha-- No.

No. You're always putting me in the middle.

Yeah, yeah. You're my buffer. [chuckles]

My big, buff buffer.

Yeah, but I don't like it.

You know? We're barely over last Thanksgiving,

when you made me tell her that her cranberry salad

looked like a raccoon that swallowed a firecracker.

Come on. Once more for me?

One last job.

You know, in the movies,

they always get killed on that one last job.

I-It... It'll be great. It'll be great.

After dinner, I'll go to bed and you can talk to her.

And then, when I wake up,all the bad stuff will be over.

Just like surgery.

Fine. I'll talk to her.

But I'm gonna be on the beer when I do it.

[clears throat]Okay.

Hey.

Kids are all tucked in.

Where's Andi?Uh, already in bed. Yeah.

Somehow I got you all to myself.[chuckles]

But, um,

it's good, because, uh, I needto talk to you about something,

and it's a little delicate.

Okay. Before we getto that, I have

to tell you something, and it's-it's pretty personal.

That sounds like an anybody-but-me situation.

Oh, but you know that I love you like a son.

And you've been so wonderful to me

from the first moment that we met.

Oh, I-I think you misunderstood.

I was just trying to sleep with your daughter.

[laughs]

Adam, you're so funny.

[chuckles]

But the thing is, I've left Andi's father.

What?

Yeah. Oh, no,it's okay, it's okay.

Oh, Frank and I have knownthis was coming for a long time.

But last Thursday Frank sneezed too loud and I just had it.

Oh, Alice, I'm sorry.

Oh, d-- no, don't be.

I am rediscoveringwho I am.

I mean, who knows, I might be a vegan.

I might be a Democrat or I might be a lesbian.

Wow.

Well, it's nice to have options.

Yeah. I do have one favor to ask you, though.

Yeah, sure, anything, anything.Well, uh,

Andi's gonna need to hear the news.

That'll be tough.Yeah.

Which is why I'd like herto hear it from you.

[groans]

That puts me in the middle.

You're gonna do a super job.

And I'll take the kidsto the zoo tomorrow.

And when I get back,all the messiness will be over.

It's just like surgery.

[shouts]

You scared me.

Oh, good, good. Your mind is prepared

for something horrible again.

Oh, did the talk with my mom not go well?

Well-- there were some complications during surgery.

She told me some tough news.

Oh, my God. Did something happento the Yorkies?

Kind of.

Their parents split up.

Listen, I am here for you.

Whatever you need, you just tell me.

'Cause you know I won't know on my own.

God, my poor dad.

Yeah, well, the good news is, I called to check on him.

He's doing great.

He's gonna open a topless car wash

called Put 'Em on the Glass.

Yeah, he's been talkingabout that for years.

Oh. Well, that makes sense.

Yeah, you don't come up with aclever name like that overnight.

I just-- I neversaw this coming,

but I-- althoughI don't know why I would.

She never tells me anything.She didn't even tell me this.

She made you do it.And I don't appreciate

her making you tell me things.

You should go tell her that.

What? That puts me in the middle again.

Adam, 20 years ago,you made a promise to me...

In a church. I remember.

I should've read the fine print.

[sighs] You know what would solve everything?

Is if your mom wasn't here.

Oh, I can't kick her out now.She'll think I'm upset with her.

You areupset with her.

That's why she can't know.That's how we do it.

That's ridiculous.

But what I'm hearing is,

if you two can talk things out, she can go?

Uh...I like it.

I like it. Now that there's a little cheese in the trap,

I'm interested.

[car door closes]

Ah. Good morning.

Hi, Mom.

You told her already? But I'm still here.

The damn zoo doesn't open till 10:00.

Oh...

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, no more of this.

I-I'm done being the middleman.

Okay? You two need to talkto each other like grown women,

not like a ten-year-oldand her mother.

How are we supposedto magically be able to do that?

I don't know. With alcohol.

Go... go out,

get drunk, say a bunchof things you can't take back.

Act like a family, for God's sakes.

So, Frank and Alice are calling it a day, huh?

Phew. Talk about dropping out of the marathon at mile 25.

Well, it's sad they're breaking up,

but Frank's got a winner with that car wash.

I mean, it's hard to compete with soapy hooters.

Well, now I'm stuckin a house

with two womenwho can't communicate.

So I'm sending them to a bar to see if some cocktails

will help them open up to each other.

I don't need drinks to tell the truth.

I'll be honest anywhere, anytime.

You look tired. See?

If I'm honest, you could be a little less honest.

Without Frank around,

I'll bet Alice is gonna try to take over as favorite grandma.

I got cocky because I was local, but now

I got to step up my game.

I'm hungry.

I'm on it.

How about ice cream for dinner, hmm?

Grandma Alice makes you eat vegetables. What a dud.

Hey, Alice.

Hey, what's happening up here?

Looks like you had some work done.

Oh, thanks, Don.

No, since, since I'm back in the dating game,

I watched a video about how to do a smoky eye.

Been there.

Hey, Alice, you, uh,you ready for tonight?

Just have a real conversationwith Andi.

Talk about whatyou're going through.

Well, it's been emotional...

Not to me, to Andi.

You did itagain, there.

[both chuckling]

Oh, Joe's here.

Let's see if your mother-in-lawcan still make the dogs bark.

She's a grandmother.

Why can't she justbake some cookies?

God, Joe, look at you.

The older you get,the more distinguished you look.

Oh, that's what they tell me.

[chuckles]Well, I'm glad I found you,

'cause I needa little help.

Hmm?[clears throat]

Zip me up, would you?Oh.

What the hellam I looking at?

What the hell am I looking at?

I'm zipping it up, not down, Bev.

You haven't zipped me up since the '60s.

You tell me to hook it with a back scratcher.

We're leaving, Joe.

We'll talk about thiswhen we get home.

I can't help it, it's these khakis.

Tight in all the right places.

Okay. I'm ready.

There's my girl.

Okay, you got this, babe, all right?

You get a little tipsy,talk things out,

and thenit's adios, Alice.

Huh? It's gonna be great.Especially that last part.

Okay, come on, Alice.Put your game face on.

We are walking.

Hustle.Hustle, hustle, hustle.

Okay.Hustle, hustle.

Okay. All right. Hey, hey.

Just have a real conversation with her.

Okay, well, don't getyour hopes up.

We don't have those.

That's the spirit. Off you go.

KATE: Dad?

We heard about Nana and Pop-Pop.

Is everything okay?

Oh. Uh, listen,

I don't want you guys to worry

because your grandparents split up, all right?

Yeah,your dad's right.

There's a supervolcanounder Yellowstone

that's gonna make thisthe least of your problems.

[Alice and Andi chuckling]

There they are.ANDI:Hi.

How'd it go?

Oh. It was so beautiful.

Oh, I thought this might work.

Therapy's great, but liquor's quicker.[Andi chuckles]

I mean, for the first time, we could just be ourselves.

It's the most open we've ever been.Yeah.

I think I was soclosed off before

because I had to be perfect to convince myself

that I was happy.

Oh, yeah, I don't need the details.

I was just looking for thumbs up, thumbs down.

Ooh. And guess what.

Our Uber driver askedmy mom for her number.

Ah.[chuckles]

Yeah, but he seemed like a gentleman, right?

He always used his turn signal.Yeah.

Well, good for you.

Ah-- and now that things are resolved between you two,

you can go start your new life.

And where better to do that than not here?

She's notgoing anywhere.

Like, we've just started to bond.

As-as far as I'm concerned, she could stay here forever.

ALICE:Oh...Forever?

What...?

How can she stay forever if she's leaving?

That doesn't make sense.

I'm just happythat my daughter

wants mearound forever.

Aw...

Thanks for making us talk, Adam.

You know, you did this.

Aw, you don't have to rub it in.

[all chuckling]

Listen, we needto talk about

how long your mom's gonna bestaying with us, because

the answer to thatcan't be "forever."

Sure, baby.

Why don't you come chat about it under the covers?No, no,

no-no-no-no,this is serious.

Your mom is...Blah,

blah, blah, take your shirt off.What? No, wait.

Honey, honey. We have importantthings to discuss.

But I'm feeling so good.

I am not a machine.

Okay, you can'tjust turn me on.

[sighs]

Okay, we'll talk tomorrow.Ooh!

Forever. That was the exact word she used.

So, just get Andi to ask Alice to leave.

I tried that.

But she bewitched me with sex.

Wives will do that.

That's why I don't have a snowmobile.

Or a say in anything.

I don't know what to do.

My wife is happy, but I'm livingwith my mother-in-law.

It's crazy. I got lonely Uber drivers circling my house

like it's the airport.

So, the question is, whose happiness

is more important, yours or Andi's?

Why did you ask it like that? Are you wearing a wire?

I got the solution to this.

Does it involve a supervolcano?

No. But now I need a minute.

ANDI: You know, Mom,

this week has been so fun.

You know, we're so comfortable around each other now,

we can shop for bras.

I mean, before this, I don't even think

I could say "bra" to you.

Hey, do you like this one?

Uh... that's too complicated to unhook.

I'm gonna be dating men in the early stages of arthritis,

I want to make it easy on them.

Oh. Wow, uh, maybe you should pick your own bra. [chuckles]

This is what friends do.

[both chuckle]

Oh, and I have to tell you,

I am loving this sexual freedom.

See, now, your dad,he wanted his wife

to be thisbra.

But I wanted to be thisbra.

[chuckles]

I mean, you know, come on,let's try some stuff, Frank.

Pull my haironce in a while.

ADAM: Okay.

So, for my wife's happiness,

I am just going to accept the fact

that my mother-in-lawlives with us.

I'm gonna be a better person. I'm gonna be that guy.

That guy sleeps in the garage.

Eventually with the car running.

Don does paint a bleak picture.

But...

But nothing, I just thought he did a nice job describing it.

My mom's got to go.

Oh, thank God. I was trying to be a better person,

but it just doesn't feel like me.

What changed your mind?

Well, like, I'm glad that my momand I are more open.

But nowit's too open.

I-I-If she leaves, maybe we canjust slow this whole thing down.

"If she leaves." I like where you're going with this.

What do you need from me?

Help meget rid of her.

But without making her feellike we're getting rid of her.

Okay. All right.

Using underhanded means to get what I want.

Now this feels like me.

Okay, Mom. Per your request, I made you a flirtini.

So, here's to your sexual awakening, I guess.

Thanks, honey. That's very woke of you.

I've been on the Internet.

[chuckles]

[knock on door]

[quietly]: Hey.

Thanks for coming. You ready to do this?

It'll be easy. I'll letthe khakis do the talking.

Oh. Hi, Joe.

Ah, there she is.

The soft spring nightcan only be enhanced

by a beautiful woman.

Alice, let's dance.

Since that night I zipped you,I've been dying to dip you.

But, Joe, you're married to Bev.

And you used to bemarried to Frank.

We're halfway there.

[gasps]

I knew when I saw your Old Spice on the counter,

you wereup to no good.

And you...you getyour hands off my man.

It's not what it looks like.

It is if it looks like love.

Joe, come on, stop it. No, Bev, Bev,

I didn't mean for any of this to happen.

I-I think it's my new bra. It unleashed something.

Touch my husband againand I'll unleash something.

Ma, easy, Ma, easy.

Get off me. Easy.

Mom, may-maybe you shouldhead upstairs.

I don't know how longhe can hold her.

Honey, I don't know if upstairs is far enough.

Where elsecould she go?

I don't know. No one in this family's safe

with her kind of

raw sexuality around.

A cougar needs to hunt.

You know, maybe it is time for me to leave

and start my new life.

W-- O-Only ifit's right for you.

Yeah, well, maybe I could take a trip to Italy.

The land of olive oil and hairy men.

Tell your story walking.

And if I see you around here again,

I'll give you a smoky eye

without the makeup.

Mom.

You were terrifying.Great performance.

What are you talking about?

What? Wh-Why don't you knowwhat I'm talking about?

Bev, there you are. I've beenlooking all over for you.

I didn't get to tell her about the plan.Ugh, no...

What plan?

Dad was just faking it to get Alice to leave.

Ah? Oh!

I'm sorry, Joe.

I wish I'd known.I wouldn't have held back.

That washolding back?

Yeah. My momcan beat up your mom.

Bye, Mom.Bye, Alice.

Close the door.

Have fun in Italy.

Close the door!

Honey. Do you understand what just happened?

Yeah. You closed the door so your mom can't get back in.No.

No.

Our whole relationship has changed.

I can finally be myselfaround her.

Of course, I'll have to get usedto her being herself around me,

but it'sa big step forward.

And it's allthanks to you.

Aw, well, I'm happy for you.

Hmm.

Hey. You know how we should celebrate?

Do, do, do that thing where you unbutton my buttons.

[whistles]

Hmm.

Honey...it's been a crazy week.

Let's just watch TV.

I miss your mom.

Captioning sponsored by CBS

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org