Original subtitles

I Saw Jesus Die

Jesus told me about the time he was tempted by Satan.

One day he... - The whole of this kingdom

and all other kingdoms of the world can become yours.

Take part in my kingdom. If you want to, you can share in it.

If you just join me...

It is written that you must not tempt the Lord, your God.

Do you know I am the mother of all the sex-tricks earthly women can perform?

Since they have all learnt it from me,

my cunt is the best and most skilled of all.

It can also be yours together with my kingdom.

The only thing I ask of you is,

that you give me a single orgasm.

I've always had to satisfy myself.

And I know you can give me a wonderful experience.

Come.

Come!

Go away, Satan.

My Lord have sent me.

I will help you and serve you, Jesus.

If you need me

I will always be near.

Stop doing that, and follow me instead.

Then I will make you fishers of men.

When a man kills another man, he must suffer death himself.

He who kills a cow must re-compensate it.

A living animal for a living animal.

But if he causes another man bodily harm

there must be done to him as he did to others.

A fracture for a fracture, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.

Tell me, Lord, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?

What did Moses command you?

Moses allows a husband to write a certificate of divorce

and then you can divorce your wife.

Because of your hardness of heart Moses wrote you this commandment.

But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother

and the two shall become like one flesh.

So remember; what therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

But, Lord, how then should the master punish adultery.

And to that Jesus answered them:

"If a man commits adultery with another female

"or with another man's wife they shall be put to death;

"both the adulterer and the adulteress.

"If a man lies with his father's wife

"or just uncover the loins of his father's wife,

"then they must both be put to death; their blood-guiltiness is upon them."

It's wonderful.

Help! Help me! Come!

Come here! Everybody, my wife is deceiving me!

And he further explained them:

"If a man takes a woman and her mother also,

"it is depravity;

"and then you shall burn him and both females;

"since there may be no depravity among you."

Wonderful, wonderful, more, more.

They must be burned.

Such people... Sinful...

A sin! Burn them on the altar of sin!

Furthermore Jesus explained to them:

"If a man has intercourse with a female during her monthly period

"and he exposes her loins such that he sees her blood

"and sees the wellspring from which it flows,

"then both of them shall be cut off from among their people."

Don't...

Fuck her again, swine!

No! No! Don't do it!

And lastly he told them,

that if a man takes his sister's, or father's, or mother's daughter as wife;

or he only sees her loins

or she sees his loins,

it is a shameful thing;

and they as well shall both be exterminated in front of their people.

Lord, my daughter have just died.

You would make me the happiest man on Earth if you would bless her.

Yes, of course, we will come and bless your daughter.

Lord, I only wanted to touch your garment.

Be of good cheer, my daughter; your faith have saved you!

You may leave.

The girl is not dead; she is only asleep.

He is the king of the Jews! Amen... Hallelujah...

You truly are the Messiah. King of the Jews.

You are the Messiah. Hallelujah...

You truly are the Messiah: King of the Jews!

Wonderful...

Lord, help me. My daughter has been possessed by an evil spirit.

I cannot stand it any longer.

Master, she's from a pagan family, that is, an infidel.

We should not help her?

Oh yes, Lord, you must help me. I cannot manage any longer.

My daughter almost never sleeps.

Day and night this evil spirit fumes within her body.

Let the children be fed first

for it's not nice to take the children's bread and then toss it to the dogs.

Yes, Lord, but the little dogs under the table eat what the children drop.

Because you have said this, woman, go home in peace.

The evil spirit has left your daughter.

Get out! What use is there in such wastefulness!

You could have sold this costly ointment and then given the money to the poor.

Why do you trouble this woman? She has only done a good deed to me.

What this woman has done to me today

shall, wherever my gospels are preached in the whole world,

be told in memory of her.

Help me, Lord.

I'm in doubt.

I suspect my wife is unfaithful to me.

I cannot quite prove anything,

but for a very long time she has not wanted to make love to me.

Well, only very reluctantly.

You shall take your wife to the high-priest.

You shall also bring him an offering of one-tenth ephah of barley flour.

The priest will submit your wife to the test of the curse-bringing bitter water.

Woman!

If your conscience is clean you won't offer resistance

but simply submit to the test and stand before your Lord.

This is the water of the holy curse-bringing bitter water.

You must drink it.

If you have been unfaithful to your husband and you drink the water

your stomach will swell and give you unbearable pains.

Now I ask the Lord! And your body will provide the answer.

Your woman has not been unfaithful to you.

You may untie her and let her dress

and you may go home together.

For these 30 silver coins I will provide you with a clear sign

so you can apprehend Jesus.

One day a disciple asked Jesus what would have happened

if it had not only been an unfaithful woman but an outright whore.

And Jesus explained to him, that it was very clearly explained in the Law.

For in the Laws it is written: "I'll deliver you into their hands

"and they shall tear off your clothes. They shall take your jewelry

"and let you stand naked.

"They shall gather a crowd against you.

"They shall stone you and cut you asunder with their swords.

"They shall set you and your house afire

"and carry out the Lord's judgement of you in the presence of other women."

Oh help me, one of you!

No... No...

Not that!

Lord, I must show compassion toward my neighbour,

but who is actually my neighbour?

To this question Jesus answered: "Everyone!

"I will explain it to you.

"A woman had to travel from Jerusalem to Jericho,

"but on the road she fell into the hands of robbers.

"They took her clothes from her

"and they raped her and half-way killed her.

"Then they went away and left her lying half dead."

You go first.

Lie still!

"A priest happened to walk along the same road

"and he heard her screams for help.

"But instead of helping her

"he did the same thing toward her as the robbers had done.'

Oh, wonderful.

"Likewise another woman came by later.

"She also heard the woman's plea for help.

"But when she saw how helpless

"and how utterly at her mercy the assaulted woman was,

"she likewise abused the poor woman."

"But a third man who passed by deeply pitied her wounds and her distress.

"He lifted her up and gave her his animal to ride on

"and took her to the inn in the nearest city.

"Here he also took good care of the girl,

"paid the host and travelled on.

"But before he travelled on he promised the host

"that all debts the girl owed the host when she wanted to leave the inn,

"he would repay on his return."

Jesus now asked: "Which of these three

"do you think turned out to be the neighbour of this woman?"

"Of course, Lord," the disciples answered:

"he who finally showed mercy on her and who helped her."

To this Jesus answered:

"Well, then go and do likewise"

That's that guy Jesus of Nazareth. Fall on you knees.

Oh Lord, bless me and my wife

so the child we have just begot will be blessed for eternity.

In the name of the Lord, blessed be you and your family.

Bless the Lord, my soul!

Lord, my God, you are very great.

You stretched out the heavens like a tent. You make the clouds your chariot.

You ride upon the wings of the wind and make the winds your messengers.

You set the earth on its foundations. Never in all eternity shall it be moved.

The ocean covered it like a garment. The waters stood above the mountains.

But at your rebuke they fled; frightened away by the voice of your thunder.

You set a boundary that they can never more pass

and so that they might not again cover the earth.

From your lofty abode you water the mountains.

The earth is satisfied by your clouds. You cause the grass grow for the cattle

and herbs for the service of man; so he may bring forth bread from the Earth

and wine which makes man's heart glad.

Lord, what should we have done if the two hadn't been a couple?

To that Jesus answered,

that if a man is caught having intercourse with a married woman

they must both die. The man as well as the woman.

When a man in a city meets a virgin, who is betrothed to another man,

and has intercourse with her,

then you must bring both of them to the city gates and stone them to death.

The girl: because she didn't scream for help,

and the man: because he violated the bride of his neighbour.

But if the man meets the betrothed girl outside the city

and forces the girl to have intercourse, only the man should die.

But the girl you shouldn't harm.

She has not committed a sin that should be punished by death.

And Jesus furthermore explained to them:

"if a man married a woman

"and he comes to doubt whether she was a virgin when he married her."

She isn't a virgin; and she wasn't one when we married.

"If a man after having married a woman become displeased with her

"and begin to tell shameful things about her and spreads rumours about her

by saying this: "I married this woman, but when I had intercourse with her

"I did not see the sign that she was a virgin,"

then the elders shall inspect the cloth and if they find the sign of virginity,

they shall punish the man and give him a fine of 100 shekels of silver.

And they shall give the money to the father of the young woman.

This woman shall verily inherit the kingdom of God,

because she had innocently been gravely distrusted

and has had to carry difficult burden.

Just do your work, slave; so you master won't be displeased with you.

You may not raise your arms against any man. The Lord has commanded that of you.

So stop doing that.

And it is by the way the Lord's will which is happening.

My Lord, why have you forsaken me?

Your last wish will be granted you. State it.

By dawn all three of you will be crucified.

Let me have a nice woman.

You will get an old whore who suit someone you, swine!

Oh yes, little Jesus, you have to admit that your God has forsaken you.

But I haven't left you. You can always count on me.

I have come yet again, and it will be the last time,

to offer you a share in my kingdom here on Earth.

Of course, together with this one: the best in the world.

Come. Come, little Jesus!

Take me, and you will have conquered death. Come!

Away from me, Satan.

Lord, help my husband.

He is blind, but I know you can make him see again.

Your faith have saved you, and you can now see again.

I see!

I see!

My God have saved me!

I see!

The Lord be praised!

Thank you, dear Father.

Forgive them, Lord. They know not what they are doing.

It has been done.

Yes, once when we were in the area near Bethesda, when we were out walking...

Hey, wait. Listen to me. Wait!

These two men are servants of the Most High God,

and they proclaim to all of you the way of salvation. Wait!

You've been running after us for four hours while constantly yelling.

We're getting tired of it. You should stop.

These two men are servants of the Most High God,

and they proclaim to all of us the way of salvation. Wait.

In the name of the Lord, I command you: "Come out of her!"

It was good you came, my girl.

This afternoon one of the most important men will come. You will tell his future.

But I no longer can. - We'll earn a lot of money.

I can no longer tell the future. The two disciples staying at the inn

drove my skills out of me today. - They're staying at the inn, right?

These two men cause trouble in our city.

They're Jews and preach customs which are forbidden for us to follow,

since we are Romans.

Thank you, I know these Christian swine.

One was brought in yesterday, a woman, but I'll get the better of them.

It's not the first time we handle people like that.

Henchman, come in here!

...who are in heaven

hallowed be your name - Enough! It's not helping.

your will be done, on earth as in heaven.

Oh well, I'll break you!

Well, just bring Tabitha the tart in here.

No, no...

Just tie her up.

Get on with it.

I don't want it...

No.

Scream if you want to.

Come on.

You might as well come over here and take what you want.

Those boring Jews can't handle anything anyway.

It's good.

I'm coming now. I'm coming now...

You devil! Let me through.

I've sent many letters to the Romans

to make them stop their immoral way of life.

And now I've decided to go there myself.

But my letters have paved the way for the Gospel of God.

What did you write them Paulus?

I wrote in my letter that they shouldn't associate with immoral people.

And then I wrote:

"You must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or a sister.

"Now for the matters you wrote about:

'It's good for a man not to have relations with a woman,

'but to avoid sexual immorality, each man should have relations with his wife,

'and each woman with her husband.

'The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife

'and the wife should fulfil her marital duty to her husband.'

Penetrate me.

Now!

Come here.

Let me get it all, right?

It's wonderful!

'The wife does not have authority over her body;

'her husband does.

'Likewise the husband does not have authority over his body; his wife does.

'Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time

'so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.

'But then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you.'

You'll get a big one.

I love it.

Give me more.

'Therefore God gave you over in sinful desires of your hearts to impurity.

'You degraded your bodies with one another.

'You exchanged the truth of God with a lie.

'You worshipped and served the created rather than the Creator.'

Wonderful...

Let me get it all, right?

It's wonderful!

Come on.

Touch me. Touch my breasts.

'What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace?

'By no means!

'Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey as slaves,

'you are slaves to the one whom you obey;

'either to sin or to death.'

It's your turn.

Oh, it's so wonderful.

Wonderful...

I don't want more.

Faster. Now! I'm coming now...

'Because of this, God gave you over to degrading passions.

'Your women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.'

It's wonderful...

'Likewise the men gave up natural relations with women

'and burned with lust toward one another.

'So men did shameful things with other men

'and received in themselves the due penalty for their aberrations.'

If I spoke in the tongues of men, well, even in the tongues of angels,

but did not have love,

then I would only be a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

And if I had the gift of prophecy and could fathom all mysteries

and if I had all faith, so as to move mountains,

but did not have love, then I would be nothing.

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

It does not envy. It does not do anything indecent.

Love does not boast, but rejoices with the truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things,

hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

And then there will be: faith, hope and love.

But greatest of these is love.