Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

Recount!

Write about something that's happened to you in the past.

It's difficult to tell who Miss Bamford is looking at,

with that one eye that dips and bobs like a maniac.

If it's already happened, Miss Bamford,

it must be in the past.

Tell us about yourselves.

Something for every letter of the alphabet.

For example, A is for 'Albany'.

I was born in Albany.

My birth was a cause for great celebration.

People danced in the streets

and there were firework displays for two nights in a row.

Our school is in Albany, so I suppose Miss Bamford

is trying to make the example relevant.

But it is a false statement.

I mean, no-one's birth causes that amount of excitement.

Candice, it's a recount.

Sometimes the truth is too plain.

And your job in this assignment is to entertain.

Uh-uh!

You'll use the written component

to craft a brief oral presentation

for your parents on Open Day

based on a letter of the alphabet you'll be assigned.

Any questions?

I wonder, Miss Bamford,

if you're talking about a narrative,

because I thought a recount had to be factual.

Alternatively, a narrative recount

might be a more suitable descriptor.

Hm.

- Hi, Pam! - Hi, Candice.

- Hello, funny little girl. - Hi, Rajah!

Hi, Mr Weigard!

Bugger off! Get off my lawn!

A is for 'assignment'.

And I intend to do a thorough job.

My story is a complicated one

and I don't know all the fine details.

Everyone has tried very hard to keep me in ignorance -

Mum, Dad and Rich Uncle Brian.

But I would have to be living in a lead-lined coffin

not to realise everyone is miserable.

Maybe I can do something about it.

Come in.

My sister, Sky, died three years ago.

Mum hasn't been the same since.

Mum, I need to know about my birth.

Your birth?

Birth begins with B.

It's the second chapter of my assignment.

Come.

What do you want to know?

Everything.

Well, you were a tricky delivery.

You came into this world...

..accompanied by...

..pain...

..blood and tears.

What was Dad doing?

I wasn't at your birth, alright? I was too late.

Story of my life.

So Rich Uncle Brian stepped into the breach?

Your Uncle Brian, your uncle,

isn't the most reliable witness in the world.

You sailed into this world

on a sea of love

and you cruised through calm waters

and berthed with scarcely a ripple into our hearts.

And there, my sweet mariner, you remain,

docked in love.

A few years ago,

Dad and Uncle Brian were in business together.

But they had a big falling out.

C is for 'court case',

where nasty, unforgivable things were said.

Dad and Uncle Brian's business

was sold to pay for the legal costs.

And when it was all done and dusted,

Dad was broken...

..and broke.

And Uncle Brian

was rich,

rich,

RICH Uncle Brian.

Everyone, this is Douglas Benson.

He's new to the area and he doesn't know anyone.

So I would ask that you all treat him

with kindness and consideration.

Douglas, you take that seat next to Candice Phee.

Fruitcups.

Quick sticks!

Right.

Back to work.

Can you keep a secret?

No.

Oh.

Not even a little bit?

No.

Oh.

Do you want to hear my secret anyways?

No.

Oh.

What are you doing now?

Working on a way of getting out of here.

Well, that's mysterious.

- Is it? - Yeah.

Because it doesn't take much working out.

You just go out the front door and there's a big gate.

I didn't mean that.

It's to do with my secret.

Jen Marshall, would you mind moving

so I can access my locker?

"Jen Marshall, would you mind moving

"so I can access my locker?"

Really, Essen?

Ha.

Why did she call you 'Essen'?

It's a phonetic representation of S-N,

which is short for 'special needs'.

Many people think I have learning disabilities,

but they're mistaken.

I wrote a note to Jen

saying that everyone is special and everyone has needs.

So her insult - because that's what she intends it to be -

is wide off the mark.

About my secret.

I can't keep secrets.

I'm from another dimension.

Well, that's nice.

Not really.

I like the dimension I come from. This one sucks.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

You know about M-theory, I imagine?

No.

It's a multidimensional extension of string theory,

in which all universes - the multiverse, if you like -

are created by collisions between p-branes.

There's an infinite number of Earths

and each will be slightly different.

The other universes are separate from this one,

not by space or time, but a different dimension.

I came through that dimension.

How?

It involves manipulating dimensions

and invoking gravity, of course.

How?

I jumped out of a tree.

High-tech.

Can you come over to my place after school

one afternoon this week?

I've never been invited to someone's house before.

Will it be OK with your mum and dad?

I don't have a dad.

And she's not my mum.

She's just a facsimile of my real mother,

who's in another dimension.

Oh, yes.

Well, does she know she's a facsimile?

She thinks I'm mad.

She took me to the hospital

and some idiot with a white coat,

hearing that I'd fallen from a tree,

pronounced that I was suffering from loss of memory

caused by a blow to the head.

It's unscientific and, frankly, insufferable.

Anyway, she'll love the idea of you coming over.

She'll think it's a sign of my mental health improving.

You know, having friends.

F is for 'Frances'.

'Frances' was a label.

Sky was who she was to me.

Who she would always be.

No-one talks about that night.

All I could hear was screaming.

I suppose it was mine.

I know what people think -

that I blame myself for what happened to Sky.

But I don't.

Sky died of cot death.

'Sudden infant death syndrome' is the medical term.

Though, that explains nothing,

because no-one knows why it happens.

It just does.

No-one's to blame.

Focus! Think of yourselves as a mirror.

What? Is something wrong?

You're not happy

because you can't get back into your own world.

And despite all the evidence against you,

you're still trying to get back?

I will get back. I just need to get the math right.

It's hard, but eventually I'll find the answer.

Right.

Because if you can figure out a way

to return to another dimension,

surely I can figure out how to put my family back together,

to make everyone happy again.

Do you have any experience in the area?

No.

Well, start with something small. For practice.

"Think of yourselves as a mirror."

Gavin is full of inspiration.

- Thanks, Mum. - You look so great!

He'll know exactly what to do.

Here.

Good luck with that!

Bye-bye!

You know your weird eye, Miss Bamford?

How it spins out of control like a punctured balloon?

Douglas Benson from Another Dimension,

he says it's so hyperactive it should be on Ritalin.

But that's not the issue.

I suspect, Miss Bamford,

that you are aware of the cruel remarks

made about your peripatetic eyeball...

Candice, do you mind if I ask you a question?

Not at all, Miss Bamford.

Ask two if the urge is irresistible.

I'm curious.

Your vocabulary is remarkable for a 12-year-old.

'Peripatetic', for example.

Can you explain?

Yes, certainly.

'Peripatetic' means something that wanders or travels...

No, no, no! I know what it means!

I want to know how you know what it means.

Oh. I read the dictionary, Miss Bamford.

Most nights.

It's my favourite book.

Right now, I'm up to the letter S, which is stupendous.

It sets a very high standard,

which, frankly, T will not be able to match.

But one should not prejudge.

You were saying about my eye.

Ah, yes.

It seems to me, Miss Bamford,

that there is a simple solution to your ocular problem.

What is more, I have the solution right here,

and I think you should consider it.

I bought them as a pirate's job lot.

I'm not suggesting

you should attach, hook or pin the parrot to your shoulder -

though, that would be a personal choice

and I wouldn't stand in your way.

It's the eye patch I wanted to bring to your attention.

If you put this on,

no-one will be able to see your wandering eye.

This would, at stroke,

reduce the amount of teasing you currently have to endure.

It will lend you a certain air -

sinister, perhaps, or even romantic.

It will establish an aura of mystery.

Thank you, Candice.

Do you like fruit, Candice?

Yes, thank you.

- Rockmelon? - Yes, thank you.

Strawberries?

Yes, thank you.

All on the... same plate?

It's just that Douglas told me

that you like to have things in a certain way.

So I wondered if you were OK about having

different colours of fruit on the same plate,

the way that you like to have everything lined up just... so.

You are autistic, aren't you?

No.

Oh! Sorry.

Mmm!

What did Miss Bamford say?

She laughed.

Oh. That's not good.

No! It was great.

It has given me great hope,

Douglas Benson from Another Dimension.

Hmm.

It's a horse.

You should know I'm scared of horses.

Not this one.

Wow!

Told you.

Watch this.

- Can I pat him? - No!

And never feed it apples.

Come on. We've got more important things to do.

G is for gravity, 'Candice'.

May I use your pad and pen?

What is it?

It's a tesseract.

Oh.

To travel between alternative worlds.

I need to take the tesseract to a fifth, sixth,

seventh, eighth and then a ninth dimension,

wrap myself within that construct,

and then use gravity to effect the journey.

That's where the tree comes into it?

Correct. That's how I got here.

But timing is everything.

It has to be at 6:30 in the evening.

6:30 in the evening?

I've been over and over the equation.

Problem is, gravity has

a slightly different quality in this world.

So?

So...

..maybe I have to jump somewhere higher

than the tree in town.

Dad, can I have a bike?

You don't like riding, Candice.

I'm newly motivated to like it.

Maybe for your birthday.

I need it tomorrow.

It's essential that I be able to ride to Douglas Benson's

at 6:30 in the evening.

Dad!

Oh. It's perfect!

Ta-da!

Thank you!

What do you want a bike for, sweetie?

I'm not at liberty to say,

except that it's for a good cause.

Hmm. Well, I'm happy to give you the bike, pumpkin.

You don't have to come sailing with me to pay for it.

I know.

But I do need to talk with you.

In private.

I've got a plan to execute, and I'm beginning with you.

Mm.

I couldn't blame Rich Uncle Brian

for being surprised that I wanted to go on his yacht,

because I cannot swim.

I don't have sea legs, I don't have sea arms.

In fact, no part of my anatomy is sea anything.

Oh!

Oh.

You're OK.

There you go.

- Rich Uncle Brian? - Yes, pumpkin?

There's a schism between you and my dad.

Mm.

And, well, there must be some way to mend the breach.

Do we really want to go there, pumpkin?

- Yes. - Hmm.

Wouldn't the simplest solution be

if you gave him a whopping pile of cash,

and then everyone would be happy?

I've... tried, pumpkin. I've tried.

But it's just... not that simple, unfortunately.

Simple...

I offered your dad half of my income from that patent.

He turned me down.

'Cause what your father wanted

was the legal acknowledgement that he co-wrote it,

as well as half the royalties.

I couldn't accept that, 'cause he didn't write it. I did.

Now, the money - he's welcome to it.

But I can't lie about the authorship. I can't.

I simply can't.

So you don't talk to each other because of a signature,

or lack thereof, on a piece of paper?

It sounds silly when you put it like that.

But yes.

Oh!

- Rich Uncle Brian... - Yes, pumpkin?

..do you still love your brother?

Yes, I do.

Pumpkin, I surely do.

And would you do anything to mend that breach?

Yes, of course.

Careful, sweetheart.

OK? Oh!

Alright.

Thank you, Rich Uncle Brian.

That's alright.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hi! I'm Candice Phee.

Nice to meet you.

Do you know if Douglas Benson from Another Dimension

has come along yet?

I'm just keeping a look out in case he decides to...

..do something foolish.

Flossy Jenkins to the deli, please.

Flossy Jenkins to the deli.

Dad says depression is complicated.

There is no simple cure.

But Mum was not always depressed.

Before Sky died, she was active,

optimistic and full of plans.

♪ If you had that chance again

♪ Well, would you do it just the same?

♪ Or would you ditch off what you're doing... ♪

You know what?

One day, pumpkin, we'll all go to the United States

and spend time in Nashville.

It's on my bucket list.

♪ I better break loose

♪ Can you feel it... ♪

And we'll eat hot shrimp po'boy

and we'll go to the Grand Ole Opry and join in the dancing!

♪ I mean it... ♪

Oh, I love you.

Mwah!

Nashville was never mentioned after that.

Like everything else, it shrivelled and died.

But at least I remember.

K is for 'kitchen'.

Apart from egg, I have never cooked anything in my life.

Unfortunately, microwave ovens did not feature

anywhere in the recipe I found.

Arggh! Oh!

Douglas!

Hmm.

Still no sign of Douglas Benson from Another Dimension.

You're unpredictable too.

But... I get it.

You just like doing things your own way.

Hmm.

Ooh!

I've made dinner!

You what?

I've made dinner.

Why?

So we can eat it.

But I've already eaten. I... had a sandwich.

I've cooked a special meal for Mum. To cheer her up.

I bought all the ingredients

and spent four hours cooking her favourite dish.

I thought it would be nice

if for once we ate together as a family.

- Uh, Mum's in bed. - I know.

It would be helpful if when I wake her

I can say we are both waiting around the dinner table.

Uh...

And if you could just put this kerchief around your neck.

I'm sorry?

No need to apologise.

I got your hat out of the cupboard.

I was hoping you might have some cowboy boots...

..and maybe some spurs.

- Spurs? - What about a lasso?

Uncover your eyes.

What is going on?

A Southern-themed cook-up!

Oh.

OK.

- Mm-hm. - Oh!

Mm-hm.

Hmm.

- Prawns. - They call them shrimp.

The recipe said to devein them,

but I'm not skilled, so I didn't.

- Ah, beautiful. - Delicious.

So, what made you choose this dish?

Nashville. I remembered you said you wanted to go there.

The music, the dancing, the hot shrimp po'boy.

Do you remember?

Yeah.

Yeah, all the dreams I had before.

They don't have to remain dreams.

You are kind, pumpkin.

And I'm very proud of you.

Thank you.

Eat!

- Oh, yes. - Oh.

No.

I can't.

I will be 13 on Sunday.

I'm looking forward to that.

13 carries the implication

that you have completed your apprenticeship as a child

and can do teenagery-type things

without appearing a fraud.

I used to dread my birthday.

Mum and Dad would go to considerable effort

to make it a happy occasion.

- Gel pens! - Gel pens.

Yay!

But there were two dark and brooding clouds

looming over us.

Oh! Happy birthday, pumpkin!

One was Rich Uncle Brian -

even though he doesn't look much like a cloud.

The other cloud is Sky.

She died three days before my birthday.

She would have been nearly four years old.

It's your birthday soon, pumpkin.

What would you like?

Can I have anything?

Well, within reason.

You know we don't have much money.

This won't cost anything.

I would like Douglas Benson from Another Dimension

to come with us to the cemetery.

No.

Why not?

Because you know why, Candice.

It's family only. We do not invite friends.

We do not have a party, we do not celebrate.

We pay our respects.

Why don't we ask Rich Uncle Brian, then?

Because you know the answer to that as well, Candice.

Don't be deliberately stupid.

- Sky should be celebrated. - Her name was Frances.

It should be a cause of joy that she lived!

Candice, stop...

Not an excuse for misery because she's dead!

- I'm tired of feeling sad, Mum! - That's enough.

I love her too, but she's gone!

Please stop.

- It's time you accepted that! - Candice!

Sky is dead, Mum, but we aren't!

Shut up!

Candice...

I'm going to school.

Candice!

Pumpkin!

Waiting for progress in the chest department

is like watching grass grow.

Ready!

We should go.

M is for 'mourning'.

I wondered what lay beneath the mound of grass.

Was there anything left of Sky by now?

Bones, probably.

That's all that would be left.

It's difficult to pay respect to bones.

Because Sky could be somewhere.

I hope she was somewhere.

But I knew that that somewhere wasn't here.

I've told you once, I've told you twice...

I won't do it again, sir.

Would you like to come to my birthday party on Sunday?

No running up there!

Yes. Of course I would.

Will it be a big party?

You, me, Mum and Dad. So, 25% bigger than previous years.

I think you'll find

that's 33 1/3% bigger than previous years.

I'll take your word for it.

It's gonna be full of drama, though.

Why?

Because there's a small chance I might die a violent death.

I can see you!

No kissing in the playground.

Sorry, miss.

They're very nice.

They're the nicest artificial breasts

anyone has ever given me.

I'll bet they're the only artificial breasts

you've ever received.

That's true.

I made them myself.

It's just that...

..you've mentioned, you know,

you were worried about...

..you know...

..things not happening... you know...

..around there.

I couldn't remember mentioning my lack of breasts

to Douglas Benson from Another Dimension.

But then again,

I can't remember everything I've ever said.

So I did some research on the internet

about what they should be made of.

Then it was a simple matter of engineering.

They inflate.

So you can go from...

..to...

Whatever you want.

And, in an emergency, pull this.

Oh, and my facsimile mother said I was mad.

She insisted I get you something else.

Thank you, Douglas Benson from Another Dimension.

They are great presents.

- Is there a me in your world? - What?

A Candice Phee in your other dimension?

You said there was an infinity of Earths,

and therefore, an infinity of 'me's.

I like the idea of a normal me somewhere,

doing normal things and thinking normal thoughts.

You must be somewhere, but I haven't met you yet.

Will you do me a favour if you get back?

- When I get back. - Yes.

Look me up and say hello, from me.

- Let's go! - Hooray!

- Alright, we're here. - True.

Though, when you think about it, we're always here.

I mean, at any given moment, here is where we must be.

You can't go from there without travelling from here to there,

and every small movement is a small here.

OK, Candice, I know it's your birthday

but can you stop, please?

We're here, so what do you want to do?

I mean, do you want to...

..have your birthday party in a car park?

I mean, honestly, nothing would surprise me.

- Come here! - What?

What are you doing?

What do you mean, what am I doing?

It is her birthday. Stop being so miserable.

Why are we here?

To perform a miracle.

I'm not the miserable one. You are the...

- Let her have her day. - You're the miserable one. OK?

You're constantly miserable.

- Me? - Yes, you.

- You are. - You are.

Just get it together.

Douglas, do you think there is such a thing

as a pleasant death?

Maybe being sucked into a black hole.

I'm not sure it'd be pleasant,

but it would be amazingly cool.

You see, as you approach the event horizon...

I thought not.

Promise me

that whatever happens in the next few minutes,

you will do absolutely nothing.

What do you mean?

I thought it fairly plain, but I'll rephrase.

Promise me that whatever happens in the next few minutes,

you will do absolutely nothing.

- Like what? - Like nothing.

No. I mean, what will happen?

Something.

Oh. Unless no-one does anything.

If that happens, I want you

to leap around like a mountain goat,

screaming and pointing and generally being dramatic.

- Got it? - No.

Good. We're on the same wavelength.

Rich Uncle Brian!

Pumpkin!

Happy birthday, my girl! Happy birthday!

Thank you!

Hello.

Candice!

Jim, she can't swim!

- Candice! - Pumpkin, I'm coming!

Oh!

Aagh! What is wrong with you?!

O is for 'oblivion'.

They say that when you're dying,

your whole life flashes before your eyes.

It's a slight exaggeration.

I just saw Mum before she had forgotten how to smile

and Dad and Rich Uncle Brian laughing together.

Where is she?! Candice!

- Candice! - Candice!

Here! Mr Phee!

Candice!

I saw Sky too.

She was the age she would be now.

I don't want to get mystical,

but my dead sister was telling me to do something.

Candice!

That and Douglas Benson's birthday present.

Pumpkin!

Candice!

- Candice! - Douglas!

How would I rate the success of my plan to reconcile my family?

On a scale of 0 to 10...

..around -15.

Such a drastic failure calls for some drastic action.

I would like to see Mr Dawson, please.

Well, do you have an appointment?

No, but, um, tell him Candice Phee is here.

He will want to see me.

This always works in the movies.

I have no idea why.

What can I do for you?

I want you to take legal action against my parents

so I am removed from their house

and placed under local authority care.

In effect, I want to divorce them and find foster-parents.

You do know I deal in property conveyancing, don't you?

Why are lawyers in New York very young, intelligent,

exceptionally well dressed and bursting with enthusiasm?

Based upon my television viewing,

you can't throw a stone in New York

without hitting a lawyer

prepared to take on a juicy case like the one I presented.

What did he do?

He asked me to leave. He showed me the door.

What are you doing here, Candice?

I'm here to stop you killing yourself.

Don't worry. I won't.

Besides, if I can't get back to my own dimension,

there'll be some compensation.

What do you mean?

I love you.

Ew!

You've been giving it apples.

Approximately seven so far.

I'm sorry.

Would you mind repeating that... nice thing you just said?

I love you.

As you can imagine, all this kissing is exciting.

In a distasteful way.

And I feel I have made a dramatic start to my teens.

But I have realised, quite suddenly,

that I don't want Douglas Benson from Another Dimension

to leave.

Ha! Get a load of this!

The freakards have gotten together.

Oh, my God!

Ignore her, Candice. She's jealous.

Jealous?

Jealous?!

- Of what, you... - ..freakard?!

Jen, if you're going to shout,

it might be an idea to dispose of your gum.

Accidents have been known to happen, you know.

Shut up, moron! Shut the hell up!

What is going on here?!

Sit down this instant!

My name is Miss Cowie and I am a relief teacher.

This does not mean that I have

an invisible target between my eyes

or that you should confuse me with a human being.

Miss Bamford is unfortunately ill

and will be away for a few days.

In the meantime...

..I am in charge!

You are to work on your Open Day presentations,

and you will work in silence.

Right?!

Pick her up.

Afternoon, Mr Weigard.

T is for 'Talk' - with a capital T.

We had a phone call earlier today from a Mr Dawson.

Ah. That's nice.

Not really. He said you wanted to divorce us.

Apparently, the only reason he didn't take the case

is because he's a house conveyancer.

House conveyancing?

Want to tell me what that was all about?

No, thanks.

But I think you should know

that Douglas Benson from Another Dimension

thinks he's solved his problem...

Do you really want to divorce us?

Yes.

No.

I don't know!

I was trying to save our family.

I thought you and Rich Uncle Brian

would bond over rescuing me

and then we'd all be reunited as a family again.

You think our family needs saving?

- Yes! - Right.

And how do you think drowning yourself or divorcing us

is gonna help?

Really prefer to go and live with a bunch of strangers?

You are strangers.

Dad, do you have to watch your plane all the time?

Well, I would have thought that was obvious, Candice.

If I don't, I will lose control and it will crash.

Isn't that the same with families?

Over the next few days,

you are to practise your Open Day presentations.

I have paired you up with another class member

and suggest if any of you are having any trouble,

you start by interviewing each other.

Find out the important aspects of your partner's life.

Henrietta Hoe and Josie Turner.

Yes!

Kyle Phipps and Jack Briars.

Candice Phee and Jen Marshall.

Minka Davies and Phoebe Harrison.

Ditz MacGyver and Warren Peacock.

Imelda Tinwhistle and Andy Lemur.

Millie Rockfish and Douglas Benson.

Financial advice, eh?

You once told me you had established a trust fund for me.

When you're 21, it will mature.

Why do I have to wait until I'm 21?

Well, you're 13, pumpkin.

It's too young for important financial decisions.

You could waste the cash

on smartphones or computers or video games.

Or, um...

Hmm.

..other things.

Gel pens are the extent of my impulse buying.

That's true.

But even so, there is

significant money already invested,

and if all you're gonna spend that money on is gel pens,

why is there a problem waiting until you turn 21?

I want to withdraw some of it.

I can buy you gel pens.

It's not for gel pens.

Well...

Douglas Benson from Another Dimension is in love with me.

Love!

What makes you think he's from another dimension?

It's not what I think. It's what he believes.

You know about p-branes and M-theory?

- Mmm. - Multiverses?

Can you explain it to me?

Something like there are an infinite number of Earths

and each will be slightly different.

Each one with another Candice. Which is fascinating.

- Mmm. - Huh.

Can you invite that Douglas Benson to dinner tonight?

I'd like to have a chat with him.

- Oh, God. - I'll cook!

He has an appointment with destiny every night at 6:30.

But he might be able to come after that.

What's wrong?

Nothing. I've just never been in here before.

You are a terrific eye-roller, Jen.

And you're a terrific pain in the butt.

That doesn't actually make any sense.

But anyway, where do you want to sit?

Anywhere away from you, Essen.

Not possible, I'm afraid.

What about down that aisle?

Shh!

Tell me about yourself, Jen.

What's there to say?

Tell me about your family.

Mother - drunk a lot.

Dad - God knows where.

Brother's a freakard. No offence.

Doesn't sound like a happy family life.

Yeah? So what?

I bet you have one of the families that you see on TV.

All loving and drooling over school reports

and going on holidays.

I live in the real world, Essen,

and it's not as pretty as the pictures.

What do you want to be when you leave school?

Are you for real? I can't think that far ahead.

I just want to get out of this crappy place.

It's crap. All of it.

But you're not, are you, Jen?

What?

Crap.

Yeah, I am. I'm more crap than anything else.

I'm crap at schoolwork. Name a subject - I'm crap at it.

- I could help you. - What do you mean?

I could help you with schoolwork.

Your friends don't have to know.

Why would you do that?

Because I like you.

You're so weird, Essen. You like me?

Why do you like me, huh? I treat you like crap.

What is it with you?

The worse you get treated, the nicer you try to be?

Mum's like that with the men she brings home.

She's a loser, and so are you.

Possibly, but I'd still like to help you with your schoolwork.

- Ugh. - Shh!

I hope you enjoy the food, Douglas Benson.

- It's... - Sausages, eggs and chips.

It's the only thing he can cook.

You think this is the only thing I can cook?

- Mm-hm. - It's great.

Thank you, Mr Phee.

I think it's wonderful.

Well, bon appétit.

Mr Phee?

Yes, Douglas Benson?

I would like to marry your daughter.

With your blessing, of course.

Excuse me?

I love Candice.

Yes.

Candice is, uh... she's only 13 years old.

Uh, you don't think that's a little young for marriage,

do you, Douglas Benson?

I don't mean right now, Mr Phee.

Oh, good.

Maybe in three or four years' time?

Uh-huh.

And what are you going to bring to the table, Douglas Benson?

Pardon?

A herd of goats? A flock of sheep?

I mean, what have you got?

I don't think I could let her go

for less than a working water buffalo

and a couple of suckling pigs.

So that creates the linkage to the other dimensions.

Tell me again how each new dimension comes into existence.

Well, the way I understand it is there's an infinite number.

And whenever something changes, a new possibility then exists.

And then the universe unfolds against that possibility.

Dad spent 45 minutes grilling Douglas Benson

on every aspect of other dimensions.

Just in the simplest possible terms.

So, everything that could possibly happen...

See you later, Douglas Benson from Another Dimension!

Bye, Candice!

What was that all about?

Think of a computer program

that allowed you to create alternative paths

to the one you've taken in this life,

by changing decisions both inside and outside your control.

Now, what if that program

allowed you to create an alternative you

based on the information you've fed in,

and then allows you to communicate with her?

And you could write that program, Dad?

I could.

Yeah, I could. I could.

I don't know where the money's gonna come from.

I've got no idea at this point.

But, you know, money comes. When you need it, it comes.

I mean, it hasn't been coming lately, but it will come...

V is for 'vision'.

I didn't understand the technical details

but I knew it was brilliant.

Unfortunately, he made me promise

not to speak to anyone about it.

And I never break my promises.

Hi, Jen Marshall!

Come in quick so no-one sees you.

That way, you won't become an outcast.

Whatever. Let's just get this thing done, OK?

What's the assignment?

My favourite! Algebra!

♪ ..blown, blown into the wind

♪ Fell into the air and been blown into the wind

♪ Fell into the air and been blown into the wind... ♪

How's this?

It's perfect, Marco. Thank you.

- You're welcome. - Mmm?

Nice to see the Phee family again.

- It's been a while. - It has.

So, can I get you all a drink while you decide?

Maybe a little champagne?

Absolutely. What's the celebration?

It's my birthday.

Ah! How old, then, Claire?

- 24? 25? - You'll have to keep guessing.

Ah, a true lady never reveals her age.

And a true gentleman never asks.

Touché.

Ba-bow.

♪ Ooh... ♪

Happy birthday. Many happy returns.

- ♪ Ooh... ♪ - Mmm!

♪ Stay the same, stay the same, little one

♪ Forevermore... ♪

- Oh, you mean like a carnival? - Yeah.

And we're just surrounded by carnies.

Yes!

♪ ..you are

♪ Then we'll grow... ♪

- Thank you. - Thanks, Marco. Beautiful.

Medication.

Happy pills.

And you know something? I think they might be working.

Mm-hm.

Happy birthday, my love.

What's this?

Jim, I don't... I don't understand. What is it?

It's... it's a star.

So, that's the official certificate of ownership.

There's another document in there

which shows you a picture of the star system

with your... your star circled.

And you named this after me?

Not quite.

Not quite?

I named it... Frances Phee.

Oh.

'Cause I thought...

..you know, um...

..when we'd look up at the stars, we'll know she's there.

Yeah, I know where she is, Jim.

Sweetheart, I know. I know. I just...

I just thought...

Oh, it's probably a bad idea.

I think it's a beautiful idea, Dad!

Because I don't think Sky's in that cemetery.

- I think she's... - Oh, please, enough!

I'm sorry, I can't.

It's fine. Let's... let's... let's just...

It's fine, darling.

My turn!

- Oh! - Three presents in one.

Thank you.

That's a beautiful room, Candice.

It's a lovely chandelier. The two lovely chandeliers.

They're yours.

Well, not forever. Only for a week in October.

It's a picture of a suite in a Nashville hotel.

Just off Ryman Alley.

In the envelopes are three tickets for the flights,

and the card contains $2,000 of spending money.

What?

You heard. It's all there.

Alright. OK. I'm assuming your uncle had a hand in this.

Candice... you're 13 years old.

You can't spend this kind of money on me... on us.

The tickets are non-refundable.

Oh, God!

Rich Uncle Brian tried to talk me out of it, but I insisted.

And he can never say no to me.

Plus, it's my money, and I can spend it on whatever I want.

And... I want this.

Candice, we can't go.

You're damn right we can't go!

God, Candice, you can't fix things with money.

Do you understand that? Do...? You are out of control!

- Jim. - Do you know what?

I'm actually gonna go and see Brian

and give him a piece of my mind.

Jim, sit down! Don't you do this to me on my birthday.

How much must that have cost? And he's giving that...

You know what? - ..as... as charity to us!

- Let's just... - You can't blame me for that!

What were you thinking?!

I don't need a star named after Frances!

- Jesus, Jim! - I'm sorry!

I'm sorry about the star, alright?!

Mum isn't depressed about her birthday presents, is she?

No.

Not at all. Absolutely not.

That means yes, doesn't it?

Uh... well...

We are going to Nashville, though, Dad.

No, we're not.

Your mum and I really appreciate the gesture,

but it is not going to happen.

I'm sorry.

It is.

How's your program going?

Uh, well, if you think of the Great Wall of China,

I've laid the first brick.

Hmm.

- Dad? - Hmm?

I know you've got a billion bricks to lay,

but would you take me to lunch tomorrow?

Just the two of us?

Uh...

It is a Saturday.

Well...

..W is for 'wedding'.

You know, we could discuss your wedding plans.

You know, how many bridesmaids you want, floral arrangements,

that sort of thing.

Not funny?

Not at all.

Dad's rules are clear about eating in here.

And there's nothing about kissing,

but I suspect he'll frown upon it.

Nashville has got some great things to see and do.

- I've got exciting news, Candice. - That's nice.

I think I know where I've been going wrong.

It's the nature of the tesseract.

I think I made a serious error with one of the dimensions.

It would explain everything.

What does that mean?

It means I think I can get back... this afternoon.

I want you to come with me.

I'm trying to save my family.

- I can't abandon them. - I thought you'd say that.

I know how much your family means to you.

Will you watch me?

- I don't want to. - Why not?

Because I don't want you to go.

It breaks my heart to think I'll be leaving you.

Then don't.

Oh.

Uh... hi, Douglas.

Uh, Candice, are you ready for lunch?

I will be there.

Have you and Douglas Benson had a fight?

Much worse.

I don't understand teenage love.

I thought it was something desirable.

But it's horrible.

- Don't want to sit opposite? - No, thanks.

I'll get a crick in my neck talking to you.

- That's fine. - For you, maybe.

Right, what have we got?

Schnitzel this, schnitzel that...

- What the hell? - Hello, Jim.

OK, let me up, Candice. We're going.

No, we're staying.

Are you ready to order?

I'll give you more time.

Oh, so this is your doing? Just let me out, please.

We need to talk.

We have nothing to say to each other!

Oh, I think that we do.

What you think is of no interest to me.

Leave. Now.

I want to talk about your program.

The multidimensional social media idea.

OK, I haven't mentioned that to anyone except you.

I didn't speak about it, Dad.

I wrote it down and showed it to Rich Uncle Brian.

- I didn't break my promise. - What?

You told me not to speak to anyone about it. I haven't.

But you didn't say anything

about letting someone read about it.

I'm literal, Dad. You know that.

Yes. Yes. You're also smart, Candice.

So don't play the 'literal' card with me.

You know what this meant to me!

I... It would have been fine

if you'd told a friend or something, but to tell him?!

He's... he's robbed me once! Do you understand?

He's gonna rob me again!

I am not going to rob you, Jim.

Would I be here if that were the case?

Don't raise your voice to Candice - it...

Oh, excuse me? I'm her father!

Don't you tell me what I can and cannot do!

And another thing - how dare you give Candice

her trust fund money for a holiday?

How dare you?!

I don't want to talk about that, Jim.

Not here, not now, not in front of...

Candice.

OK, good. 'Cause I don't want to hear about it, alright?

Just leave, Brian.

You're a stubborn mule, Jim! OK?

Listen, the trip to Nashville was never going to be funded

by Candice's trust fund.

As if I would do a thing like that.

- Well, who was gonna pay? - I was.

I would die before I accepted charity from you, Brian!

Huh.

I can't believe that you did this to me.

You've got your bike. OK? Just go!

Now!

Jim, just... Mate, listen.

Just give me five minutes. You need to hear what I'm offering.

..around a table with our lawyers, and my...

OK? I don't trust you. I can't trust you.

- Don't be like that. - I can't!

- This time it's different. - How can you expect me...?

- This time it's different! - Why?

What makes this time different?

- Things have changed. - What's changed? What?

The business has changed. The way we do things.

- Have you changed? - I need to know...

I need you to say that you have changed

and you're not gonna...

OK, OK. I accept your apology. We'll agree to disagree.

It'll be just like the old times.

What's the deal on the table?

I promise you, Jim, there will be...

Douglas! Oh!

Douglas!

Don't!

Douglas!

Douglas? Douglas!

Douglas?

Douglas!

Mum? I need you to drive me to the hospital.

What's wrong?

Douglas Benson from Another Dimension.

He jumped. I didn't stop him. He's hurt.

Oh, my God. Of course I'll drive you to the hospital.

Come on.

..found unconscious under a tree - suspected fall.

Pupils aren't responding to light.

- Was anyone with him? - A friend. A young girl.

Paging Dr Young to A&E.

Shh.

It's OK. I'm here.

I'm here, darling.

He regained consciousness reasonably quickly.

The X-rays and other tests are normal.

He'll probably just have a bad headache for a day or two.

- Sorry. I'm... - Hey. Hey.

It's OK.

What you've been trying to do for Douglas...

He told me that you ride your bike there to stop him.

Things haven't been easy since the accident.

The... first one.

He was, um... a typical 12-year-old.

The doctors told us that a blow to the head

can sometimes produce personality changes.

Now he has these delusions.

He had friends before.

But since then, there's been no-one.

I just want to say thank you for being a friend to my son.

You're very welcome.

Come on.

You can't...

Where were you gonna go off to?

- You don't even know? - I don't know!

I don't know where I'm gonna go. You can't...

- I can help out, alright? - It's not about that.

Don't you understand? It's not about that.

I can't... I can't do this.

I can't... I can't.

I am an appalling mother! We never should have had children!

We need you. We want you here, OK? We need you here.

Can you stop...

Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!

Oh! Hello!

Gavin, I need help.

You? Need help?

With my presentation.

I thought you'd nearly finished it.

Things didn't turn out the way I'd hoped.

Ohh!

I'm being serious.

Ah!

I'm listening.

I need something with pizazz.

1,000 balloons or maybe even some fireworks.

No, no, no, my darling! You don't need all that!

Engage the audience's imagination.

Remember the Bard.

"Think when we talk of horses that you see them

"Printing their proud hooves in the receiving earth,

"For 'tis your thoughts that now must deck our kings."

You've just given me a brilliant idea!

I did?

I like to think I can be inspiring.

Hyup! Oh!

Uh!

Get it. Get it. Get it. Come on. Up! Up! Get it.

Hi, Candice.

I don't know whether to say

"Hello, Douglas Benson from Another Dimension"

or "Hello, Douglas Benson".

But... if you had gone,

then this Douglas Benson - you - wouldn't know who I was.

So it didn't work, then?

- What? - Your portal?

Wrong. It worked beautifully.

I spent some time with my mum.

I looked for you in the other dimension

and then I came back.

Did you see me?

The normal me?

I don't want another Candice.

That's why I came back.

For you.

Arrrrr!

Would anyone care to take this black spot to Blind Pew?

Arrrrr!

Good that you've all retained a sense of humour

in my absence.

Now, we're due in the hall.

I trust you're all ready to astound your parents

with your skills in public speaking.

I know. I'm excited too.

I thought it was next week!

Well, off you go!

That's it.

Quick sticks!

I'm glad you're back, Miss Bamford.

Ha! Me too.

You got your eye fixed!

Well, the operation was arranged some 18 months ago.

There's a very long waiting list.

So it wasn't my idea?

Go on, girl.

We've got some parents to impress.

Are you ready with your presentation?

Funny you should ask.

Ah.

Parents and friends, sit back and enjoy

as the students of 7B present Life As An Alphabet.

Hello.

A is for 'Albany'.

The town of Albany was established in 1826.

It has a population of over 33,145,

making it the state's sixth largest population centre.

♪ My cousin and I wanted to go

♪ But the wind came up, started to blow, blow, blow...

I'm Candice Phee...

..and I'm presenting the letter H.

Some people say 'haitch',

but if you look it up in the dictionary,

you'll see there's no 'haitch' in the letter 'aitch'.

I was going to present H for 'happiness'.

You see, I worried my family had forgotten how to be happy.

Happiness seems to have emigrated to another place

and left no forwarding address.

I thought I could bring it back,

but I realise it's not something that you can give,

like gel pens.

Hmm.

It's inside of people,

and they need to find it and grow it themselves.

And it takes time.

But that doesn't mean I can't keep trying to plant the seed.

So, anyway, I came up with something else for you.

Well, for my parents.

If you could kindly give me a moment.

Huh!

Not going anywhere in a hurry.

♪ Baby, when I met you, there was peace unknown

♪ I set out to get you with a fine toothcomb

♪ I was soft inside

♪ There was something going on

♪ You do something to me that I can't explain

♪ Hold me closer and I feel no pain

♪ Every beat of my heart

♪ We got something going on

♪ Tender love is blind

♪ It requires a dedication

♪ All this love we feel needs no conversation

♪ We ride it together, uh-huh

♪ Making love with each other, uh-huh

♪ Islands in the stream

♪ That is what we are

♪ No-one in between

♪ How can we be wrong?

♪ Sail away with me

♪ To another world

♪ And we rely on each other

♪ Uh-huh

♪ From one lover to another, uh-huh... ♪

Oh!

Somebody grab that horse!

Hey! Horse!

- Can you get after him? - Come back!

H is also for 'horse'?

It is.

My life isn't very interesting,

and you did say we had to be entertaining.

I did.

I'm going to get right onto cleaning that up.

Give me a H is for 'hug', Candice Phee!

Oh.

Ooh!

- Whoo! - There she is!

- You were amazing! - You were so good.

Rich Uncle Brian!

Oh, you did such a beautiful piece, sweetheart.

- Well done. - Thank you!

- Dinner tonight, Brian? - Yes! I'll cook.

Wonderful.

I'm really sorry, everyone,

but Miss Bamford said no more speeches for today.

It was really great. You were awesome, Candice Phee.

Whoo!

Ohh!

Where is she, Candice?

Dad showed me where to look.

She's there, Mum.

Sky is there.

Mm-hm.

Phee national dish coming up!

Sausages, eggs and chips!

Hmm?

Man the pump!

Mwah!

Look at this!

Cheers, folks. Here's to it. I mean, happy new year.

- Happy new year! Whoo! - It is the new year, but...

Rich Uncle Brian comes over all the time now.

He's invested in Dad's new company,

and even Douglas Benson is going to get a cut.

Dad is making bad jokes again,

and Mum isn't in her bedroom nearly as much.

Once I caught her looking at a book about Nashville.

Families are fragile, but mine did not die when Sky did.

Maybe it won't be happiness all the time, but we'll be OK.

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org