Original subtitles

[BELLS CHIMING]

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE ENTERTAINMENT

[BELL RINGING]

[DOG BARKING]

WHAT'S FOR BREAKFAST, EH?

SAUSAGE AND BEANS.

OH, BLIMEY.

WE'VE HAD THAT FOR A MONTH.

SEND FOR THE RED CROSS.

WE'RE IN THE FRONT LINE NOW, MATE.

HERE. HERE'S ONE.

GET HIM, KEN!

LOOK AT THAT. FOR THE LOVE--

HEY, HOLD IT! HOLD IT!

HEY!

[TIRES SCREECH]

WHAT'VE YOU GOT IN THERE?

ONE GERIATRIC. HYPOTHERMIA.

NO ADMISSIONS EXCEPT BY UNION DISPENSATION.

HAVE A LOOK IN THE BACK, BOB.

COME ON.

[GASPING]

WHAT'S UP WITH THIS ONE, THEN?

PULMONARY PNEUMONIA.

ABOUT ANOTHER 10 MINUTES TO GO.

DOCTOR CERTIFICATE?

[GASPING]

I'VE GOT IT SOMEWHERE...

[GASPS LOUDLY]

[SHORTENED BREATH]

NEEDS INTENSIVE CARE.

INTENSIVE HERE, KEN.

LOOKS LIKE A CROAKER.

OK, PASS HIM THROUGH.

AND DON'T BLOODY WELL COME BACK.

THERE'S ANOTHER ONE FOR THE KNACKER.

HE WON'T BE PAYING SATURDAY.

HOW THOSE BANGERS GETTIN' ON, THEN?

OH, GOOD!

Man: ANYBODY AT HOME?

WAKEY, WAKEY. RISE AND SHINE.

COME AND GET HIM.

[GASPING]

[GRUNTS]

Woman: YOU CAN'T LEAVE THAT THERE.

WHERE DO YOU WANT IT?

I COULDN'T CARE LESS.

I'VE BEEN OFF DUTY FOR THE PAST 10 MINUTES.

GOT A LIGHT?

UH--HERE.

[PATIENT GASPS]

[INHALES] THANK YOU.

TIME'S UP.

[INDISTINCT]

MIGHT AS WELL GRAB A CUP OF TEA.

THERE'LL BE TIME FOR ANOTHER HAND LATER.

[GASPING]

[GASPING STOPS]

[BELL CHIMES]

[HONKING]

LOOK OUT!

[YELLING]

WAIT!

WAIT!

BLOODY HELL!

HE WENT RIGHT--

WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

HERE, WHAT'S YOUR NAME AND BUSINESS?

DON'T BE FOOLISH, MAN.

DON'T YOU CALL US FOOLISH, MILLAR.

WE'RE IN OUR RIGHTS.

INSECTS.

[TIRES SCREECH]

YOU BASTARD!

WE'LL HAVE YOU, MILLAR!

WE'LL GET YOU!

[CROWS CAW]

OVERLORD.

GOOD MORNING, FEENEY.

WELL, GOOD MORNING, SIR.

BIG DAY FOR YOU, PROFESSOR.

A BIG DAY FOR MANKIND, FEENEY.

STAND BY, MacMILLAN. I'M ON MY WAY UP.

GOOD MORNING, DEAR.

GOOD MORNING, MacMILLAN.

EVERYTHING IN ORDER?

EVERYTHING ON SCHEDULE.

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO START?

I THINK WE'LL TAKE COMPONENTS FIRST.

ANY PROBLEM?

98% STABLE.

WE HAVE TO REPLACE THE LEFT BUTTOCK.

AS I THOUGHT. AND GENESIS?

ALPHA CONSCIOUSNESS CONSISTENT.

GENESIS IS IN PERFECT SHAPE, PROFESSOR.

GENESIS IS PERFECT, MacMILLAN.

MacMILLAN AND OVERLORD, INTRO.

LEFT THIGH?

BANK 8.

NUMBER TWO.

A TRIFLE OVERFLESHY...

BUT A NICE PROFILE.

LEFT BUTTOCK?

BANK 3, MIDDLE TRAY.

HMM.

AHH.

MacMillan: WE HAVE ALTERNATIVES, J.M.--

BANK 6, NUMBERS 3 AND 4.

I'LL TAKE THE ALTERNATIVES.

HOW MUCH STABILITY?

4 DEGREES JAMMED. STABLE.

EXCELLENT.

HOW'S MACREADY PROGRESSING?

BEAUTIFULLY.

WE'RE EXPECTING DEATH WITHIN THE HOUR.

SPLENDID! I HAVE GREAT CONFIDENCE IN MACREADY.

[WHISTLES]

[CONTINUES WHISTLING]

THAT WAS HIM.

HE DYES HIS HAIR.

DO YOU THINK HE SPOTTED US?

NAH. WE'RE LESS THAN THE DUST TO HIM.

[DING]

[BELLS CHIMING]

WHICH IS THE WEST FRONT?

OVER HERE.

6 FLOORS DOWN.

ON THE FLASH. IT'S ARRANGED.

HMM, YOU'VE DONE YOUR HOMEWORK.

I DON'T GET COMPLAINTS.

I BET YOU GET AROUND A BIT.

ARE YOU A YANK?

HUH?

CITIZEN OF THE WORLD, THAT'S ME.

I WAS BORN IN LIVERPOOL.

MY FATHER WAS A STATIONMASTER.

HMM.

I STARTED IN COFFEE.

AND WHERE DO YOU LIVE NOW?

ARKANSAS.

I GOT OUT JUST IN TIME.

WELL, YOU WERE DEAD LUCKY. [SIRENS]

WHAT'S LUCK GOT TO DO WITH IT?

IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH LUCK.

GOT TO FIND SOMETHING TO SELL,

SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE WANT TO BUY.

THE INSIDE STORY.

THAT'S IT.

YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A NOSE FOR THESE THINGS.

WHOA, WHAT'S THAT YOU GOT THERE?

YOU SEE THAT TRUCK OVER THERE?

YES.

NOW WATCH THIS.

SPIDER CALLING.

SPIDER CALLING.

ARE YOU RECEIVING PICTURE?

COME IN, CONTROL.

COME IN, CONTROL.

Man: RECEIVING PICTURE, SPIDER. RECEIVING PICTURE.

COME ON. OVER HERE.

YOU LOT MUST BE MAKING PLENTY OUT OF THIS.

WELL, WE'RE NOT STARVING.

ALL RIGHT, THEN, FAIR SHARES.

NOW LOOK, CHUMMY.

WE HAD A DEAL.

NOW, A DEAL'S A DEAL. SAVVY?

BUT I COULD LOSE MY UNION CARD OVER THIS.

WELL, THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.

LOOK, MR. TRAVIS.

WE'RE GONNA BE A LONG WAY FROM THE GROUND.

LET'S MAKE IT 250, EH?

100.

175.

150.

OK.

WHEN WE'RE BACK ON TERRA FIRMA.

[CHUCKLES]

SPIDER READY TO CRAWL. SPIDER READY TO CRAWL.

ARE YOU RECEIVING ME?

TESTING FOR SOUND, 1, 2, 3.

TESTING FOR SOUND.

Travis: COME ON, YOU PISSER!

CALM DOWN, MICHAEL.

JUST GETTING OURSELVES COMFORTABLE DOWN HERE.

SAFE AND SOUND.

Michael: WELL, DON'T GET TOO COMFORTABLE.

TRAVIS--GETTING ITCHY.

SURPRISE ME.

HEY, RELAX, MICHAEL.

WE'RE ON OUR TOES. JUST GIVE US THE NUDGE.

WHAT'S THE SCENE HERE, ANYWAY?

TRAVIS IS ON TO SOMETHING BIG--

ONE OF HIS EXCLUSIVES.

VERY HUSH-HUSH.

[LAUGHS] AGAIN?

WELL, IT'S GREAT SEEING YOU AGAIN, SAMMY.

WHERE YOU BEEN?

EAST.

STARVING CHILDREN OF INDIA.

WHERE DID YOU SPIN FROM?

WEST. RIOTS, REVOLUTION, RAPE.

JESUS. THOSE BANANA-EATERS REALLY

WERE RIPPING EACH OTHER APART.

OH, LOVELY PRIMETIME STUFF.

YEAH, I GUESS.

NETWORK.

IT'S GONNA BE A LONG DAY.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?

A LITTLE NICKEL SPECIAL. RIGHT FROM THE--

ALL THE BLESSINGS OF GOD

AND HIS HOLY MOTHER ON YOU.

AFGHAN BLACK.

OH.

AND, MY DEAR FRIEND...

[SIRENS WAIL]

HOLY MUSHROOMS. OOH.

PICKED BY THESE VERY FINGERS

ON THE SLOPES OF THE HIMALAYAS.

HEY, LET'S MAKE A COCKTAIL.

SAY THE WAY.

[EXPLOSION]

Reporter: THE WAVE OF EXPLOSIONS IS SPREADING

ACROSS THE CITY, 13 MORE IN THE LAST 12 HOURS.

OVER 50 CASUALTIES HAVE BEEN REPORTED,

22 OF THEM FATAL.

LOOTING AND RIOTING HAVE BROKEN OUT.

KIDS' STUFF.

[YELLING AND SIRENS ON TV]

DON'T WORRY.

Reporter: FIRES HAVE SPREAD FROM THE SHATTERED EMBASSY

TO ADJACENT HOMES.

30 PEOPLE APPEAR DEAD, AND MANY MAY STILL BE TRAPPED

IN THE BURNING WRECKAGE.

RESIDENTS IN THE AREA HAVE BEEN EVACUATED.

AND NOW A NEWS FLASH.

THERE'S BEEN ANOTHER BOMB ATTACK IN LONDON.

[TURNS SOUND UP]

FIRE BRIGADES ARE MANAGING TO KEEP THE BLAZE UNDER CONTROL,

BUT CASUALTIES ARE FEARED HEAVY, AND THE DEATH TOLL--

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

[RING]

POTTER HERE.

YES, I'VE SEEN IT. AND TODAY OF ALL DAYS.

HOW MANY?

OH, MY. ALERT ALL OFF-DUTY HOUSE SURGEONS

TO REPORT TO ACCIDENT AND EMERGENCY,

ALERT THE S.N.O. FOR BLOOD TRANSFUSION,

ATKINSON FOR HEMATOLOGY,

AND THE MORTUARY. ALL RIGHT?

I'M ON MY WAY.

Reporter: ...180 ARE SO FAR FEARED DEAD,

WITH MANY MORE BURNED AND INJURED.

A SPECIAL GOVERNMENT REPRESENTATIVE

IS ON HIS WAY TO--

Man: ACE TAXIS! NO...

I DO NOT WANT ACE TAXIS.

Reporter: TRAIN NEWS, BRITISH RAIL HAS--

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

[RING]

Man: HELLO? YES?

POTTER HERE. YES, SIR.

WE'VE GOT A MAJOR INCIDENT, 150 AT LEAST.

GET THERE AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND HOLD THE FLOOR.

YES, SIR.

GET EVERYBODY TO CASUALTY AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

IT'LL BE ALL HANDS TO THE PUMPS.

DON'T FORGET YOUR MEETING, SIR.

I'M NOT LIKELY TO, LAD.

THEY CAN'T LET THIS AFFECT TODAY'S ARRANGEMENTS.

YOU ALERTED MILLAR, DID YOU?

HE'S HAD AN ULTRA MEMO, SIR. TWO OF THEM.

SEND HIM ANOTHER. WE CAN'T AFFORD ANY SLIP-UPS.

I'LL DO MY BEST, SIR.

Reporter: CITY LINES ON THE UNDERGROUND

NOW HAVE SEVERAL TRAINS MISSING,

DUE TO SICKNESS AND NONAPPEARANCE OF PERSONNEL.

INDUSTRIAL ACTION IS THREATENED

ON THE CENTRAL AND NORTHERN LINES.

[STATIC]

...WELL ON THE ROADS, AN ARTICULATED HEAVY GOODS VEHICLE

HAS BROKEN DOWN ON NORTH LAKE ROAD,

AND THE TRAFFIC IS--

[RINGING]

PROFESSOR MILLAR'S OFFICE.

Man: I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE PROFESSOR PERSONALLY.

PROFESSOR MILLAR IS WITH GENESIS.

I CAN'T POSSIBLY INTERRUPT.

THIS IS AN ULTRA PRIORITY FOR PROFESSOR MILLAR.

CONFIRM TOP-LEVEL BRIEFING

8:30 A.M., MR. POTTER'S OFFICE.

WELL, I'LL TRY.

HOLD THE FORT WILL YOU, NURSE?

PROFESSOR MILLAR?

MacMILLAN: THE PROFESSOR'S VERY BUSY. GO AWAY.

A MESSAGE FROM ADMIN. ULTRA PRIORITY.

NOT NOW, MacMILLAN.

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED HOW GOD FELT

ON THE SIXTH DAY OF CREATION?

WHEN WILL YOU GIVE GENESIS TO THE WORLD?

IN MY GOOD TIME.

SOON. SOON.

NOT QUITE YET, MacMILLAN.

TODAY, THE HUMAN EXPERIMENT...

TOMORROW...

GENESIS.

[SIRENS]

Nurse: OVER HERE!

[MEN YELLING]

Nurse: LET THOSE PEOPLE THROUGH!

GET THESE STRETCHERS CLEARED AWAY IMMEDIATELY!

NOW, NOT SO FAST.

AND DON'T YOU BE SHOUTIN' AT US LIKE THAT.

DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE WHOLE OPERATION?

THESE PEOPLE MUST GO UP TO THEATER IMMEDIATELY!

WE'VE BEEN ON 8 HOURS, NOW.

WE'VE BEEN ON OVERTIME SINCE 6:00.

TRIPLE TIME!

WE'RE OVER THE 24-HOUR LIMIT.

MR. BILES! WHAT'S THE HOLD-UP?

MR. BILES,

THESE MEN ARE HOLDING US TO RANSOM.

DON'T YOU CALL US MEN.

WE ARE STAFF.

THINK THIS CALLS FOR ARBITRATION, HERE.

WE'LL GET THE UNION IN ON THIS.

THERE'S NO NEED FOR THAT.

I CAN OFFER YOU TIME AND A HALF.

UNACCEPTABLE.

DOUBLE TIME.

WHAT ABOUT MEAL BREAK?

A HOT BREAKFAST.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, LADS?

I'M TALKING ABOUT EGGS AND BACON HERE,

NOT JUST TOAST AND PORRIDGE.

I DON'T EAT BACON.

SAUSAGES FOR SEN.

I HAVE NO AUTHORITY FOR SAUSAGES.

AH, WELL!

STALEMATE.

SAUSAGES ARE ON THE NURSES' BREAKFAST.

I WILL SUPPLY THEM.

IN THE NAME OF HUMANITY...

AND IN VIEW OF THE EMERGENCY.

BUT WE'RE NOT SETTING A PRECEDENT.

RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, LADS.

COME ON, LET'S GET THESE OUT OF THE WAY.

YOU GET THAT GOWN THERE.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, THIS WAY.

WALKING WOUNDED, FOLLOW ME.

[BEEPING]

BILES HERE.

WHICH KITCHEN?

I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!

Man: SO, WITH A COUPLE OF EARTHQUAKES, 3 FAMINES,

A HIJACK AND A PREEMPTIVE NUCLEAR STRIKE,

AREN'T WE THE LUCKY ONES TO BE

TUCKED UP ALL SNUG AND COZY

HERE IN BRITANNIA HOSPITAL?

NOW, IT'S A VERY SPECIAL DAY HERE IN BRITANNIA,

SO LET'S HAVE SOME VERY SPECIAL SMILES

TO GO ALONG WITH IT.

OH, YES! IT'S ROYAL DAY TODAY HERE IN BRITANNIA

WITH OUR OWN VERY SPECIAL ROYAL VISITOR

COMING ALL THE WAY DOWN FROM BUCKINGHAM PALACE

TO OPEN UP OUR BRIGHT AND SHINY NEW WING.

NOW, WHAT BETTER WAY TO START THE DAY

THAN WITH THANKSGIVING WITH THE PADRE?

* O LORD, OPEN THOU OUR LIPS *

Chorus: * AND OUR MOUTH SHALL SHOW FORTH THY PRAISE *

* O GOD MAKE SPEED TO SAVE US *

Chorus: * O LORD, MAKE HASTE TO HELP US *

* O LORD, SHOW THY MERCY UPON US *

All: * AND GRANT US THY SALVATION *

WHERE'S MR. WHOOLEY?

HE'S OVER THERE WITH THE SAUSAGES.

DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING WITH THEM.

[LAUGHS]

MR. WHOOLEY?

IT'S NO USE, MR. BILES.

I CAN'T COOK BREAKFAST FOR THE ENTIRE HOSPITAL

ON MY OWN.

IT'S THE PRIVATE PATIENTS.

NOW THEY'VE GOT THE UNION SUPPORTING THEM.

THAT BEN KEATING'S BEEN STIRRING THEM UP.

THAT'S RIGHT, BILESY.

MY BOYS AND GIRLS HAVE HAD ENOUGH KOWTOWING TO YOUR

PRIVILEGED PIGS IN THE PRIVATE WING.

All: YEAH!

IT'S TIME THEY EAT A DECENT ENGLISH BREAKFAST

LIKE THE DECENT ORDINARY FOLK IN THE PRIVATE WARD.

[ALL CHEERING]

MR. KEATING, YOU KNOW VERY WELL

THAT WHAT THEY EAT THEY PAY FOR.

LISTEN TO THIS.

SIR JAMES BURGESS, ROOM 15.

EGGS BENEDICT AND HALF A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE.

[LAUGHTER]

MISS HERMIONE HAMILTON,

ROOM 6.

DEVILED KIDNEYS AND A PASSION FRUIT COCKTAIL!

PRESIDENT NGAMI.

AND HE SHOULDN'T BE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE,

THE FASCIST SWINE!

MURDERING BLACK.

DICTATOR!

TURN THE PIGGY BACK TO WOGLAND!

[ALL CHEERING]

PRESIDENT NGAMI,

TROUT GRILLED AND GARNISHED WITH MANGO SLICES.

THIS ISN'T THE NAIROBI HILTON.

THIS IS A BRITISH HOSPITAL!

[CHEERING]

IT'S THE SAME FOR EVERYONE OR NOTHING AT ALL.

THAT'S OUR LAST WORDS, ISN'T IT, BOYS AND GIRLS?

All: YES!

MR. WHOOLEY, SEE IF YOU CAN GET A CALL THROUGH

TO CHEERFUL BERNIE.

[WORKERS JEERING]

I'LL HAVE TO TAKE THIS HIGHER UP.

YOU CAN TELL YOUR BOSSES WE'RE STANDING FAST!

All: YEAH!

[CHOIR MUSIC PLAYING LOUDLY]

[TURNS MUSIC DOWN]

OK, OK.

WE'LL BLAME IT ON THE BOMBERS. NO PROBLEM.

[MUSIC STOPS]

OH, DEAR, OH, DEAR.

IF YOU'VE BEEN SITTIN' THERE WAITIN' FOR

YOUR HAM AND EGGS, LADS AND LASSES,

YOU'LL HAVE TO KEEP SMILING A LITTLE BIT LONGER.

THOSE NAUGHTY BOMBERS HAVE JUST BLOWN A FUSE

IN THE TOASTER.

BUT SERIOUSLY, FOLKS, THE KITCHENS ARE A BIT BEHIND

DEALING WITH OUR EXTRA GUESTS.

AND NOW HERE COMES SOMEBODY

WHO KNOWS THE WHOLE CABOODLE BACKWARDS.

PRAY SILENCE, IF YOU WILL, LADS AND LASSES,

FOR MATRON DUXBURY.

GOOD MORNING, ALL PATIENTS AND STAFF.

IN SPITE OF THIS MORNING'S SHOCKING DISTURBANCES,

YOU MAY BE SURE THAT BRITANNIA WILL CONTINUE

TO SERVE AND TO SUCCOR.

UNFORTUNATELY THE KITCHENS ARE TEMPORARILY OUT OF ORDER,

BUT DURING THE NEXT HOUR THERE WILL BE

A SERVICE OF SOFT DRINKS

WITH A CHOICE OF ORANGE AND LEMON BARLEY WATER.

PATIENTS DUE FOR DISCHARGE

MAY GIVE THEIR BLOOD AT CASUALTY.

Woman: COME!

BREAKFAST!

YOU'RE DAMNED LATE, NURSE.

I MANAGED TO GET YOU AN ORANGE.

AN ORANGE?

Man: COME!

GOOD MORNING, GENERAL!

BREAKFAST.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

A NICE ORANGE FOR YOUR BREAKFAST

THIS MORNING, GENERAL.

I DON'T WANT YOUR BLOODY ORANGE.

I WANT MY KEBAB!

[SCREAMS]

Matron: WHAT'S ALL THIS NOISE?

GET UP AT ONCE!

IT'S GENERAL WETHERBY, MATRON.

HE WON'T TAKE HIS ORANGE.

ABSOLUTE NONSENSE!

MATRON.

HAVE YOU SERVED THE PRESIDENT YET?

NOT YET, MATRON.

GIVE ME HIS TRAY. I'LL DO IT MYSELF.

AND STOP PLAYING ABOUT.

[MUSIC AND SINGING]

[LOUD DRUMS AND SINGING]

[BABY CRIES]

[CHICKEN CLUCKING]

WHAT IS THIS?

THE PRESIDENT'S BREAKFAST.

THIS IS NOT WHAT WAS ORDERED.

I'M AFRAID HIS EXCELLENCY'S MANGO SLICES

HAVE BEEN DELAYED.

THIS IS THE BEST WE CAN DO.

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[CHICKEN SQUAWKS]

[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

President Ngami: AAAH!

[SCREAMING]

IT'S SIMPLY NOT GOOD ENOUGH, MATRON.

AT THE PRICES YOU'RE CHARGING,

WE'RE ENTITLED TO SOMETHING BETTER

THAN A BRITISH RAILWAYS BOX LUNCH.

IT'S A NATIONAL DISGRACE.

I'VE DRIVEN A TAXI

FOR 25 YEARS TO PAY FOR THIS OPERATION!

I'M NOT PAYING 200 QUID A DAY FOR AN ORANGE.

250 POUNDS FOR ME!

I HAVE TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO THEM, MATRON.

WITH SERVICE LIKE THIS, WE MIGHT

AS WELL BE IN A PUBLIC WARD!

PUBLIC WARD? I'D RATHER DIE.

I DIDN'T HAVE 50 YEARS

IN INDIA TO END UP BEDDING DOWN

WITH A LOT OF WOGS!

Matron: I'M DREADFULLY SORRY,

BUT THE MATTER IS OUT OF MY HANDS.

THE NURSING STAFF HAVE NO AUTHORITY OVER THE KITCHENS.

HOWEVER, I'M SURE THINGS WILL BE BACK TO NORMAL

QUITE SOON.

[MILLAR TALKING]

NOW WHAT DOES THAT GIVE US?

43 MINUTES.

42 MINUTES, 38 SECONDS.

THAT LEAVES US 5 MINUTES AND 32 SECONDS

FOR THE FIBER COMPONENT.

YES, NURSE?

PROFESSOR, SISTER WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU

IN INTENSIVE.

MACREADY?

I THINK SO, SIR.

SHE'S TIMED IT PERFECTLY.

OH, HOUSTON?

DO WE HAVE COMPATIBILITIES

FOR ALL THE ALTERNATIVES?

THAT WASN'T IN THE SPECIFICATIONS, PROFESSOR.

LET ME HAVE ANOTHER LOOK AT THE PRINTOUT.

YES...

MY ERROR, I'M AFRAID.

WE'D BETTER RECHECK THE ENTIRE

COMPONENT ASSEMBLY ON THE COMPUTER.

FEED IN THE COMPLETE CROSS-FERTILIZATION

AND COMPATIBILITY DATA.

I MUST HAVE 100% ACCURACY ON ALL 30 FACTORS.

Houston: PROFESSOR MILLAR?

WE CAN'T AFFORD A HICCUP.

RIGHT! THIS IS IT!

SAMMY, RED... WE'RE ON OUR WAY.

WE'RE COMING AT A GOOD TIME.

MACREADY'S ALREADY 8 MINUTES PAST HIS DEADLINE.

WE STILL HAVE 14 MINUTES IN HAND, PROFESSOR.

WE CAN'T AFFORD TO FALL BEHIND SCHEDULE AT THIS STAGE.

[BEEPING]

TERMINATION?

I'M AFRAID NOT, PROFESSOR.

HE SEEMS TO BE LINGERING.

[CONTINUES BEEPING]

DR. MacMILLAN? A MOMENT, PLEASE.

[WHISPERING]

SISTER? PROFESSOR GETS A LITTLE PECKISH

AT THIS TIME OF THE MORNING.

COULD YOU BE KIND ENOUGH TO POP DOWN TO THE CANTEEN

TO GET HIM A DIGESTIVE BISCUIT?

OH!

AND A GLASS OF MILK, PLEASE, SISTER.

[WHISTLING]

[BEEPING STOPS]

I'M AFRAID HE'S GONE.

HEY, HOLD IT STEADY!

COR, I'M LOVING THIS.

GET DOWN HERE, WILL YOU?

HELLO, SAMMY. HELLO, RED.

[LAUGHTER ON MIKE]

ARE YOU GETTING THIS?

[LAUGHTER]

COME IN, SAMMY. COME IN, RED.

ARE YOU RECEIVING ME?

[LAUGHTER]

Narrator: EVERY CHICKEN HAS

9 SQUARE INCHES OF LIVING SPACE.

VITAMINIZED WATER IS ALWAYS ON TAP.

THE HARD-WORKING CHICKEN IS A GOOD FRIEND TO MAN.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

[BUZZES]

[BUZZES]

[SIZZLING]

AND NOW, ON THIS HAPPY, SNAPPY MORNING,

WE COME TO OUR USUAL MENU SPOT.

AS YOU ALL KNOW,

WE'VE HAD GREMLINS DOWN IN THE KITCHEN TODAY,

BUT HERE TO TELL US ALL ABOUT

THE CELEBRATION LUNCH SHE'S BEEN COOKING UP FOR US

IS FLORRIE, OUR QUEEN OF CULINARY CONCOCTION.

HELLO, EVERYBODY.

THE SPECIAL MENU PLANNED FOR TODAY

FEATURES, WE HOPE, A CHOICE OF THREE.

Florrie: MEATLOAF, STEWED NECK OF LAMB,

BACON AND EGG FLAN,

ALL WITH CREAMED POTATOES AND GRAVY.

[YELLING]

Florrie: ...PUDDING, SUET ROLY-POLY,

A CHERRY SPONGE WITH CUSTARD.

FINALLY, AS AN EXTRA TREAT,

A CHOCOLATE MINT WILL BE SERVED TO ALL PATIENTS

IN HONOR OF OUR ROYAL VISITOR.

JEEZ...

[TIRES SCREECH]

BAD LUCK, VINCENT.

PIPPED YOU AT THE POST.

YOU OUGHT TO BE CAREFUL, PHYLLIS.

YOUR MANNERS WILL FIND THEMSELVES

WITHOUT A MOTHER HEN ONE OF THESE DAYS.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE?

MY GLAD RAGS FOR THE DO.

IT'S NOT EVERY DAY I GET THE CHANCE

TO HAVE LUNCH WITH ROYALTY.

WE'RE A LITTLE PRESSED FOR SPACE AT THE ROYAL LUNCH, PHYLLIS.

I CAN'T GUARANTEE IT, I'M AFRAID.

I'M NOT SPEAKING FOR MYSELF, VINCENT.

I REPRESENT 600 MEN AND WOMEN WITHOUT WHOM

YOUR HOSPITAL WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO FUNCTION.

I'M NOT LIKELY TO FORGET THAT, PHYLLIS.

I'VE COLLABORATED WITH YOU FOR 10 YEARS, VINCENT POTTER.

I'D HATE TO SEE THAT COLLABORATION BROKEN

OVER A QUESTION OF PROTOCOL.

THIS CELEBRATION IS FOR ALL OF US.

THE OLD DAYS HAVE GONE FOREVER, VINCENT.

BRITANNIA BELONGS TO THE PEOPLE NOW.

NO SMOKING ON THE JOB, VI.

MADGE, I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GREET

HER ROYAL HIGHNESS

WEARING THOSE OVERALLS.

DON'T FORGET THAT INVITE, VINCENT.

I CAN'T PROMISE YOU, PHYLLIS.

I'VE NOT LAID DOWN 95 POUNDS

ON THIS OUTFIT FOR NOTHING.

AND REMEMBER, AN INSULT TO ME

IS AN INSULT TO EVERY NON-SKILLED

OPERATIVE IN THIS HOSPITAL.

NOW JUST YOU THINK ON.

I UNDERSTOOD THIS WORK WAS TO BE

COMPLETED YESTERDAY.

IT'LL BE FINISHED NOW, SIR.

WE'RE ONLY BEING PAID FOR AN 8-HOUR DAY, MR. POTTER.

YOU'LL HAVE TO BE OUT OF HERE

BY 10:00 AT THE LATEST.

WE HAVE A ROYAL OCCASION HERE TODAY, YOU KNOW?

THAT'S JUST THE POINT.

YOU WANT A PROFESSIONAL JOB DONE, DON'T YOU?

MR. POTTER! MR. POTTER!

HOW ARE THEY COPING IN CASUALTY?

EVERYTHING'S RUNNING SMOOTHLY, SIR.

KEEP AN EYE ON IT, THEN.

MR. POTTER? YES, WHAT IS IT NOW?

THERE'S TROUBLE IN THE KITCHEN, SIR.

THE STAFF ARE REFUSING TO SERVE BREAKFAST.

WHY?

THEY WON'T FILL THE PRIVATE PATIENTS' ORDERS, SIR.

IT'S BEN KEATING AGAIN.

I'M AFRAID HE MEANS TROUBLE.

WELL, DON'T STAND THERE LOOKING AT ME.

THINK! THE PRIVATE PATIENTS

CAN HAVE ORDINARY HOSPITAL FOOD.

WE CAN'T RISK A CONFRONTATION TODAY.

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT, SIR?

BECAUSE YOU'RE A FOOL.

YES.

NOW DON'T STAND THERE HOVERING.

GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN AND SETTLE IT!

I'VE GOT IMPORTANT PEOPLE WAITING FOR ME.

[FOOTSTEPS]

GOOD MORNING, MR. POTTER.

YEAH.

OH, MR. POTTER?

MATRON AND MR. FIGG AND THE GENTLEMAN FROM SCOTLAND YARD

ARE IN THE PRINCESS VICTORIA SUITE.

OH, MR. POTTER?

YEAH. THEY'VE CALLED FROM PARIS TO

SAY SIR ANTHONY MOUNT IS ON HIS WAY

WITH LADY RAMSDEN.

I'VE GOT A BLEEP OUT

FOR PROFESSOR MILLAR AND SIR GEOFFREY.

YOU BETTER REBLEEP THEM, MISS TINKER.

WE'RE RUNNING LATE ALREADY.

ANY NEWS OF THE RADIOGRAPHERS?

THEY'VE SETTLED FOR 12%.

AND THE PSYCHOTHERAPISTS?

THEY'RE WORKING NORMALLY.

OH, IF BILES HAS ANY NEWS FROM THE KITCHENS,

SEND HIM THROUGH, HUH?

[CHUCKLES]

THANK YOU.

AH. THIS IS OUR MR. POTTER, CHIEF SUPERINTENDENT.

THE MAN BEHIND TODAY'S PLAN OF CAMPAIGN.

THIS IS CHIEF SUPERINTENDENT JOHNS

FROM SCOTLAND YARD.

I'M SORRY TO BE LATE, GENTLEMEN.

YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD WE'RE RUNNING UNDER STRAIN.

ANOTHER BOMB THIS MORNING.

PLEASE BE SEATED.

LADY RAMSDEN AND SIR ANTHONY MOUNT.

SIR ANTHONY.

YOUR LADYSHIP.

LADY FELICITY AND SIR ANTHONY ARE FROM PARIS.

THEY WILL BE OUR ADVISORS ON PROTOCOL.

THIS IS MATRON DUXBURY.

CHIEF SUPERINTENDENT JOHNS,

WHO WILL BE LOOKING AFTER SECURITY,

AND MR. POTTER, SENIOR ADMINISTRATOR.

PLEASE BE SEATED.

WE WERE HELD UP, I'M AFRAID,

BY THOSE PICKETS AT THE MAIN GATE.

THEY BOTHER ME, GENTLEMEN.

HRH CANNOT BE INVOLVED

IN ANY POLITICAL-- [MUMBLES].

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

POLITICAL NASTINESS.

CAN'T YOU GET RID OF THEM?

ARREST THEM.

PERHAPS AN APPEAL COULD BE MADE--

IMPOSSIBLE. THEY'RE HOSPITAL EMPLOYEES

MAKING A LEGITIMATE PROTEST IN THEIR SPARE TIME.

WHICH THEY HAVE FAR TOO MUCH OF.

SACK THEM.

MY DEAR SIR ANTHONY,

WE'RE NOT LIVING IN THE 19th CENTURY.

IF YOU WANT TO BRING THIS HOSPITAL TO A STANDSTILL,

THAT'S EXACTLY THE WAY TO DO IT.

OH, I'M SORRY, GENTLEMEN.

THE OPERATING ROOM THEATER IS CHOCK-A-BLOCK.

THIS IS SIR GEOFFREY BROCKENHURST.

LADY FELICITY RAMSDEN AND SIR ANTHONY MOUNT

FROM PARIS,

AND CHIEF SUPERINTENDENT JOHNS FROM THE YARD.

YES, HELLO, JOHNS.

CARRY ON, FIGG.

THIS IS THE 500th ANNIVERSARY OF

THE FOUNDATION OF BRITANNIA HOSPITAL

BY ROYAL CHARTER FROM HER LATE, GRACIOUS MAJESTY

QUEEN ELIZABETH THE FIRST.

AND WE ARE INDEED PRIVILEGED TO WELCOME

HER NOBLE DESCENDANT WHOSE PRESENCE

WILL ADD LUSTER TO OUR CELEBRATIONS.

HEAR, HEAR.

AND TODAY ALSO MARKS ANOTHER MILESTONE

IN BRITANNIA'S HISTORY--

THE OFFICIAL OPENING OF THE NEW MILLAR CENTER

FOR ADVANCED SURGICAL SCIENCE,

A GENEROUS GIFT FROM OUR FRIENDS

AT BANZAI CHEMICALS TOKYO.

NOW IN ORDER THAT TODAY'S PROGRAM SHOULD RUN

WITH CLOCKWORK PRECISION,

OUR MR. POTTER HAS MASTERMINDED A PLAN OF CAMPAIGN

WHICH HE WILL NOW EXPLAIN IN DETAIL.

MR. POTTER?

RIGHT.

NOW, AS YOU ALL KNOW, HER ROYAL HIGHNESS

WILL ARRIVE AT THE HOSPITAL MAIN ENTRANCE

AT 11:15 A.M. A POINT--

AFTER 1100 HOURS,

NO PERSONS MUST BE ALLOWED TO SHOW

THEMSELVES ON THE ROOF OR AT

THE UPPER STORY WINDOWS.

WHY NOT?

I HAVE SNIPERS PLANTED IN THE GROUNDS.

UH, MAKE A MEMO ON THAT, MISS DIAMOND.

WILL DO, MR. FIGG.

YOU WILL SEE FROM YOUR MAPS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THE ROUTE OF THE ROYAL VISIT.

UH, IT CAN BE DIVIDED INTO 3 PHASES--

PHASE 1: ARRIVAL AND TOUR,

PHASE 2: LUNCHEON,

PHASE 3: THE OPENING OF THE MILLAR CENTER

FOR ADVANCED SURGICAL SCIENCE,

AND PROFESSOR MILLAR'S ADDRESS AND DEMONSTRATION.

ISN'T THE GREAT MAN GOING TO HONOR US

WITH HIS PRESENCE?

WHERE IS PROFESSOR MILLAR?

I'VE BLEEPED HIM RED, MR. FIGG.

YOU BETTER REBLEEP HIM, MISS TINKER.

URGENT, DOUBLE RED.

MATRON, HAVE YOU MADE A SELECTION

OF PATIENTS FOR PRESENTATION?

I HAVE.

NOTHING TOO GRUESOME, I HOPE.

AS THEY SHRANK, THE SEAS CAST

MILLIONS OF UNADAPTED AQUATIC CREATURES

ONTO NEWLY CREATED BEACHES.

DEPRIVED OF THEIR FAMILIAR ENVIRONMENT,

THESE DIED.

ONLY A FORTUNATE FEW ORGANICALLY SUITED

TO AMPHIBIAN EXISTENCE

SURVIVED THE SHOCK OF CHANGE.

TODAY, THE HUMAN RACE IS UNDERGOING A CHANGE

AS CATASTROPHIC.

THOSE WHO CANNOT ADAPT WILL PERISH,

WASHED UP ON THE SHORES OF THE FUTURE.

IT IS OUR JOB--

HOLD IT!

HAVE TO CHANGE THE MAG.

SORRY ABOUT THAT, SIR.

I'LL GIVE YOU AN OVERLAP.

THAT WAS SUPER, PROFESSOR.

NOT TOO RAREFIED?

NO, JUST LIKE THAT, ABSOLUTELY...

SUPER. OH, THANK YOU.

[BEEPING]

DAMN THIS THING.

OK, RUNNING.

READY. TAKE ONE.

ACTION.

TODAY, THE HUMAN RACE IS UNDERGOING A CHANGE

AS CATASTROPHIC.

THOSE WHO CANNOT ADAPT WILL PERISH,

WASHED UP ON THE SHORES OF THE FUTURE.

COME WITH ME.

AND WHAT IS THE MOST POWERFUL

POTENTIAL WEAPON IN MAN'S POSSESSION?

HIS OWN BRAIN.

THE HUMAN BRAIN, MADE UP OF

10 BILLION NEURONS...

EACH NEURON THE POSSIBILITY

OF A THOUGHT.

WE COULD HAVE 10 BILLION IDEAS

IF WE COULD ONLY FIND A WAY TO HARVEST FULLY

THE ENERGY AND POTENTIAL OF THE BRAIN.

[WHIRRS]

AND WHAT IS MORE,

IT IS EXTRAORDINARILY NUTRITIOUS.

HA HA HA HA!

93 BITE INDEX, 3.2 SECONDS.

94 AMC, THUMBS 6.5 SECONDS.

WHAT IS IT, NURSE?

DOCTOR, MY HEAD IS SPLITTING.

I REALLY NEED TO LIE DOWN.

WE ARE ON DUTY, NURSE!

[RINGING]

PROFESSOR MILLAR'S IN CONFERENCE.

I REALLY CAN'T DISTURB HIM.

Miss Tinker: IT'S DOUBLE RED.

THE PARTY FROM THE PALACE ARE WAITING IN ADMIN.

VERY WELL. I'LL TRY.

90% OF THE BRAIN, AND HITHERTO--

Houston: PROFESSOR MILLAR?

YES?

I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU, PROFESSOR.

MR. POTTER IS BLEEPING YOU DOUBLE RED FROM ADMIN.

I'LL BE WITH HIM IN A JIFFY, HOUSTON.

SORRY ABOUT THAT, PEOPLE.

NO, THAT WAS SUPER!

SUPER FOR ATMOSPHERE. GOT THAT, RED?

NO, I'M SORRY. I MISSED THE ENTRY.

WOULD YOU MIND TOO MUCH, DOCTOR?

COULD YOU GIVE US THAT AGAIN?

THE--THE--THE WHOLE BIT?

FROM THE TOP. I'LL GIVE YOU ACTION--

MM-HMM. AND RED WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU.

CERTAINLY!

STAND BY.

OH, NURSE, QUICK, PLEASE! A MIRROR--

I NEED A MIRROR QUICK, PLEASE!

THANKS!

ACTION!

ACTION.

[KNOCKING]

Professor Millar: YES?

Houston: I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU, PROFESSOR.

THE PARTY ARE HERE FROM THE PALACE,

AND MR. POTTER IS--

[GASPING]

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?

IT'S FREEZING OUT THERE!

[GRUNTING]

PSST! QUICK, HERE.

HEY! COME ON.

COME ON!

[MILLAR TALKING]

Millar: 90% OF THE HUMAN BRAIN

SHOWS A BARE MINIMUM OF ELECTRICAL ACTIVITY--

VIRTUALLY DARK.

ALL THIS...

IT REPRESENTS A CLEAR ACTIVITY

SOURCE OF UNLIMITED POTENTIAL.

I HAVE BEEN EXPLORING THE ORGANIC EXPANSION

OF THIS LIMBIC ZONE.

MY AIM IS NOTHING LESS THAN ITS FULL OCCUPATION.

THEN WE SHALL SEE WONDERS.

WE ARE...

WAIT HERE.

WHAT?

WAIT HERE!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

[HOUSTON TALKING]

Houston: 39 A, 36 D...

2-0.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

MacMillan: LEFT LINE 2 SECONDS SLOW.

OTHER LINE 4.3 SECONDS FAST,

LIVER AND LIGHT TRAINING 6 SECONDS.

ONCE AGAIN FROM POSITION 15.

REFORM.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

39 A, 13 B.

7. 19 C.

21 B.

11 H, 18 K,

26 B.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

[MacMILLAN CONTINUES]

SECTION 8. AT 12:17, HER ROYAL HIGHNESS

WOULD LEAVE AND PROCEED DIRECTLY TO

THE PRINCESS VICTORIA SUITE FOR PRESENTATIONS

AND LUNCHEON.

NOW, THERE IS A NAME, WHICH I THINK HAS BEEN

UNFORTUNATELY OMITTED FROM THOSE INVITED TO LUNCH

AT HRH's TABLE.

I AM REFERRING TO MRS. GRIMSHAW.

AND WHO IS MRS. GRIMSHAW?

SHE IS THE BRANCH SECRETARY OF COHSE--

THE COFEDERATION OF HOSPITAL SERVICE EMPLOYEES.

IF YOU INVITE ONE UNION REPRESENTATIVE,

YOU'LL HAVE TO INVITE THE LOT.

GOD FORBID. I REALLY DON'T THINK--

SORRY, POTTER, IT'S JUST NOT ON.

OF COURSE WE DON'T WANT TO EMBARRASS HER ROYAL HIGHNESS...

GENTLEMEN, I'M--AND LADY FELICITY--

I MUST SPEAK FRANKLY.

I CANNOT GUARANTEE THE STABILITY OF THIS HOSPITAL

UNLESS THE DULY ELECTED REPRESENTATIVES

OF THE WORKFORCE ARE PERMITTED TO DEMONSTRATE

THEIR LOYALTY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, CHIEF SUPERINTENDENT?

MY RESPONSIBILITY ENDS AT THE DOOR.

Mount: HOW MANY OF THESE REPRESENTATIVES?

3 WILL DO IT.

NO MORE THAN 3.

RIGHT. THEN THAT'S SETTLED.

MAKE A MEMO, MISS DIAMOND.

WILL DO, MR. FIGG.

Felicity: AND AFTER LUNCH?

WE ALL PROCEED TO THE CENTER FOR THE OPENING

AND PROFESSOR MILLAR'S DEMONSTRATION.

AND WHEN ARE WE TO BE PRIVILEGED TO HEAR

THE EXACT NATURE OF THIS DEMONSTRATION?

YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW?

OH, SURELY.

NO DOUBT WE SHALL HEAR THE DETAILS

FROM PROFESSOR MILLAR HIMSELF.

HE IS ON HIS WAY NOW.

Millar: THE WHALE, THE PORPOISE, AND THE DOLPHIN

HAVE BRAINS 20 TIMES LARGER THAN MAN,

YET MAN HAS LEARNED TO WRITE, MAKE FIRE, AND FLY.

WHERE DO THESE EXTRAORDINARY GIFTS COME FROM?

DEAD CENTER OF THE HUMAN BRAIN

LIES THE LEGENDARY PINEAL GLAND.

THE ANCIENT EGYPTIANS AND THE AZTECS

KNEW A THING OR TWO ABOUT THE PINEAL GLAND,

AND SO DID THE GREEKS, BUT ALL THAT HAS BEEN LOST

OVER THE PAST 5,000 YEARS.

THERE IS INCREDIBLE POWER LOCKED UP IN THERE,

POWER WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN UNLEASHED

BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN THOUGHT BEYOND THE ABILITY OF MANKIND

TO CONTROL IT.

I KNOW HOW TO CONTROL THAT POWER.

ONE FINAL DETAIL. CATERING. MISS TINKER.

LUNCHEONS ARE COMING FROM FORTNUMS--

THEIR TOP EXECUTIVE MENU AT 45 POUNDS A HEAD

WITH CHAMPAGNE AND TWO WINES,

FLOWERS FROM THE ROYAL HORTICULTURAL SOCIETY--

[DOOR OPENS]

Millar: ...A MIRACLE FOR EVERY MEMBER OF HOMO SAPIENS.

SORRY, EVERYONE. SORRY. SORRY.

I HOPE I HAVEN'T KEPT YOU WAITING.

OH, PROFESSOR MILLAR.

THIS IS LADY FELICITY RAMSDEN AND SIR ANTHONY MOUNT FROM THE PALACE.

HOW DO YOU DO?

HOW DO YOU DO?

AND CHIEF SUPERINTENDENT JOHNS FROM THE YARD.

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

THIS IS PETER MANCINI OF THE BBC.

HI.

AND HIS EXPERT CREW.

PETER IS DOING ME IN DEPTH FOR THE BEEB.

Geoffrey: THIS IS SHEER PUBLICITY-SEEKING.

IT'S AGAINST ALL MEDICAL ETHICS.

GET OFF.

[SHOUTING]

I CAN ASSURE YOU I HAVE NO NEED TO SEEK PUBLICITY.

Potter: MR. MANCINI, I MUST ASK YOU TO WITHDRAW.

YES, I'M AFRAID WE REALLY MUST INSIST.

Geoffrey: AND TAKE THESE PEOPLE WITH YOU.

SORRY, PETER.

APOLOGIES, GENTLEMEN. NO WISH TO OFFEND.

WE'LL WAIT FOR YOU OUTSIDE, SIR.

Potter: WE'VE COVERED MOST OF THE DETAILS

IN YOUR ABSENCE, PROFESSOR MILLAR.

THERE JUST REMAINS THE QUESTION

OF YOUR LECTURE AND PERFORMANCE.

DEMONSTRATION.

MMM.

WHAT WILL THIS DEMONSTRATION CONSIST OF, PROFESSOR?

MAN REMADE.

AND WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO SIGNIFY?

EXACTLY WHAT IT SAYS.

I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THIS.

I HOPE IT WON'T BE ANYTHING OFFENSIVE.

WE'LL BE LUCKY IF THAT'S ALL IT IS.

Millar: IT WILL MARK THE BEGINNING

OF A NEW EPOCH IN MEDICAL SCIENCE.

MEDICAL SCIENCE? YOU'RE NOT A DOCTOR; YOU'RE A VAMPIRE.

TO YOU, PATIENTS AREN'T SUFFERING BEINGS TO BE CURED.

THEY'RE RAW MATERIAL FOR YOUR EGOMANIA.

MY TRANSPLANTS WORK.

THEY ARE THE FUTURE.

BUT WHOSE FUTURE?

I SAVE LIFE EVERY DAY.

GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN.

IF MEDICINE WAS LEFT TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU,

SURGEONS WOULD STILL BE OPERATING IN BARBERSHOPS!

YOU WILL NEVER RISE ABOVE YOUR MASTECTOMIES

AND GALLSTONES!

CHARLATAN!

I CAN CHANGE LIFE!

AS, GENTLEMEN AND LADIES,

YOU WILL SHORTLY BE PRIVILEGED

TO WITNESS.

THAT MAN'S AN UNMITIGATED BLACKGUARD!

Felicity: DANGEROUS, TO BOOT.

MR. FIGG, I NEED YOUR ASSURANCE

THAT MILLAR'S DEMONSTRATION

WILL NOT BE OFFENSIVE TO HRH.

SIR ANTHONY, PROFESSOR MILLAR'S METHODS

MAY BE UNORTHODOX, BUT HE IS A GENIUS IN HIS FIELD.

AS IS SIR GEOFFREY IN HIS.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

YES, BILES. WHAT IS IT?

Biles: IT'S THE KITCHEN STAFF, MR. POTTER.

THEY'RE AT FLASH POINT.

DIDN'T YOU FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTIONS?

IT'S ESCALATED, SIR.

THEY'RE REFUSING TO ADMIT THE ROYAL LUNCHEONS.

THEY'RE PICKETING THE FORTNUMS MAN.

EXCUSE ME, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

I SHALL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS PERSONALLY.

I SUGGEST WE MEET IN EXACTLY 15 MINUTES

IN THE MAIN HALL FOR OUR TOUR OF INSPECTION.

BILES.

[METAL CLANGING]

[SINGING]

THIS COULD BE A MAJOR CONFRONTATION.

STICK CLOSE TO ME, LAD.

TAKE YOUR LUNCHEON AND BACK AWAY, POTTER!

YOU KNOW WHERE YOU CAN PUT IT!

Ben: HELLO, POTTER. ABOUT TIME.

Potter: WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

GET THAT VAN UNLOADED AT ONCE.

DON'T BUDGE, GIRLS. NOTHING DOING, POTTER.

THOSE LUNCHES ARE STAYING IN THAT VAN.

Man: GOOD MORNING, MR. POTTER.

ROCHESTER OF FORTNUMS.

I MUST ASK YOU TO TAKE DELIVERY

OF 65 AMBASSADOR-CLASS LUNCHES.

ADRIAN.

WHAT'S THIS?

AN INVOICE, SIR.

2,925 POUNDS.

THERE.

OF COURSE, SIR.

THESE LUNCHES ARE NONRETURNABLE.

THEY'LL HAVE TO BE UNLOADED.

THIS VAN IS NEEDED ELSEWHERE.

BILES, GET THOSE LUNCHES OUT OF THE VAN.

ASSIST HIM, ADRIAN.

ANY FURTHER AND WE'LL KNOCK YOUR BLOCKS OFF.

THAT STUFF IS NOT COMING IN, POTTER.

OH, NOW LOOK, MAN.

WE DON'T NEED ANY UGLINESS, DO WE?

I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOUR MAN.

WE'RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS HERE.

SO LET'S HAVE SOME REASONABLE DIALOGUE, SHALL WE, HMM?

ALL RIGHT, POTTER.

GOOD CHAP.

BILES.

COME ON.

[STAFF SHOUTING]

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, BOYS AND GIRLS.

WE'LL HEAR WHAT MR. POTTER'S GOT TO SAY.

FREDERICK.

THANK YOU.

NOW, I'M NOT HERE TO ORDER.

I'M HERE TO APPEAL.

THIS IS A GREAT DAY FOR BRITANNIA,

AND WE CAN'T INSULT OUR DISTINGUISHED GUESTS.

THOSE LUNCHES ARE AN INSULT.

THEY IMPLY

MY PEOPLE ARE NOT SKILLED ENOUGH

TO PRODUCE FOOD WORTHY OF ROYALTY.

WE'RE NOT WEARING IT, POTTER.

Woman: HE'S CALLING US WORK-SHY.

AIN'T OUR COOKING GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER, THEN?

YEAH, WHERE DOES SHE THINK SHE IS,

THE RITZ?

YEAH, WHAT DOES SHE WANT? CAVIAR AND CHIPS?

MAN, PERHAPS WE COULD HAVE A QUIET WORD?

YOUR PLEASURE.

Man: GIVE IT TO HIM, BEN!

[STAFF SHOUTING]

Man: WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED, BEN!

Staff: * WE SHALL NOT, WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED *

BEN, I KNOW THESE OCCASIONS

MEAN A GREAT DEAL OF EXTRA WORK FOR YOU,

AND DON'T THINK IT ISN'T APPRECIATED.

IT'S NOT THE WORK, MR. POTTER.

IT'S THE INSULT TO THEIR PROFESSIONAL PRIDE.

OH, THAT'S A COMPLETE MISUNDERSTANDING.

HOW TACTLESS OF ME.

VERY WILLING TO APOLOGIZE, BEN.

I'M SURE MY LADS AND LASSES WOULD APPRECIATE THAT.

OF COURSE YOU REALIZE, BEN, THEY'RE GONNA NEED

SOMEONE TO REPRESENT THEM AT THE CEREMONY.

I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU TO SIT WITH HRH AT HER TABLE,

BUT OF COURSE, IF THE MEALS AREN'T--

THAT'S ANOTHER GESTURE MY PEOPLE WOULD CERTAINLY APPRECIATE.

[STAFF SHOUTING]

VERY OFTEN, ON THESE OCCASIONS,

WHEN A WORKERS' REPRESENTATIVE IS SINGLED OUT

FOR SPECIAL DUTY OF THIS KIND,

HE MAY FIND HE'S EXPECTED TO ACCEPT

SOME TOKEN OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT,

AN M.B.E., SAY.

WHAT ABOUT AN O.B.E.?

IT'S POSSIBLE.

Staff: * WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED *

[CHEERING]

LADS AND LASSES, I'M HAPPY TO TELL YOU

THE MAN HAS BEEN LISTENING TO REASON.

FROM THIS TIME ON, NO SPECIAL MEALS WILL BE SERVED

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TO THE PRIVATE PATIENTS!

[STAFF CHEERING]

BUT TO AVOID ANY UNNECESSARY EMBARRASSMENT

TO OUR ROYAL GUESTS, I HAVE AGREED

THAT ON THIS OCCASION ONLY,

THE LUNCHES MAY BE SERVED.

I'M SURE YOU'LL AGREE, BOYS AND GIRLS,

THIS REPRESENTS A SIGNIFICANT VICTORY FOR DEMOCRACY.

I THANK YOU.

[STAFF MURMURING]

Potter: THANK YOU, MY GOOD FRIEND BEN AND ALL OF YOU

FOR SHOWING ONCE AGAIN

THAT THE BRITISH WORKING MAN--

Woman: AND WOMAN.

[STAFF CHEERING]

AND WOMAN WILL ALWAYS PUT UNITY BEFORE ANARCHY,

LOYALTY BEFORE SELF, COMMON SENSE BEFORE DISRUPTIVE STRIFE.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

* SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT *

* AND NEVER BROUGHT TO MIND?

* SHOULD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT *

* AND DAYS OF AULD LANG SYNE?

* FOR AULD--

FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES,

IN 15 MINUTES WE WILL BEGIN AN OPERATION

WHICH WILL CROWN THE MONTHS--

NAY, YEARS OF OUR WORK TOGETHER.

WE HAVE WORKED NOT FOR GLORY

NOR FOR REWARD

BUT IN THE PURE BENEVOLENT SPIRIT

OF SCIENCE.

BE SURE THAT WHATEVER HONORS MAY ACCRUE TO ME

AS CONCEIVER AND DESIGNER OF THIS GREAT EXPERIMENT,

YOUR PART IN IT WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN.

GALILEO, FREUD, AND EINSTEIN

GAVE A NEW DIMENSION TO HUMANITY.

TODAY WE FOLLOW IN THEIR FOOTSTEPS.

WE HAVE 48 MINUTES EXACTLY IN WHICH TO CARRY OUT OUR OPERATION.

ABSOLUTE PRECISION OF TIMING IS ESSENTIAL.

DR. MacMILLAN, PRELIMINARY CHECK, PLEASE.

COMPONENT INVENTORY BY TABLES.

TABLE 1.

TABLE 1--THORAX, RIGHT KIDNEY, LEFT LUNG,

AORTIC ARTERY, LOWER RIGHT FEMUR, LIVER, AND LEGS.

TABLE 2.

SPINE, BLADDER, UPPER GUT, PANCREAS, RIGHT BUTTOCK.

TABLE 3.

Man: LEFT DIGITALS, KNEECAPS RIGHT AND LEFT,

SPLEEN, RIGHT SHOULDER, AND CHIN.

MacMillan: TABLE 4.

Man: RIGHT SHANK, LEFT ELBOW, ANKLES, BIG TOES.

NURSE PERSIL FOR OVERLORD. INTRO.

[BUZZ]

[MILLAR CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

HEY.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Millar: PROCEED BY TABLES AND FILE TO FURTHER ASSEMBLY.

[SQUEAK]

Man: WHO ARE YOU?

Second man: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Third man: WHO IS THAT?

WHAT IS THAT YOU'VE GOT THERE?

AAH!

KILL HIM!

[ALL SHOUTING]

WHAT'S GOING ON?

EXPLAIN YOURSELF.

GET RID OF HIM.

HA HA HA!

NGAMI. NGAMI.

FANTASTIC.

Reporter: PRESIDENT NGAMI'S PRESENCE IN BRITAIN

HAS AROUSED STRONG PROTEST,

INCLUDING SEVERAL THREATS AGAINST HIS LIFE.

[ALL SHOUTING]

HEY, THEY DON'T LIKE THIS GUY.

WONDER WHY NOT.

HE EATS CHILDREN.

HE SHITS DIAMONDS.

NGAMI. NGAMI.

THIS IS EPIC.

HEY, WHERE'S LITTLE MIKE?

WHERE'S SPIDER? I GOT TO PUT THIS ON FILM.

HELLO. SPIDER? RED CALLING SPIDER.

NGAMI. SUPERSTAR.

COME ON, MIKE. WAKE UP.

MacMillan: CAUCASIAN, MALE, AGE ABOUT 32,

EXTRAORDINARY CEPHALIC DEVELOPMENT,

MILD CONCUSSION, NOTHING STRUCTURAL.

NURSE PERSIL, GIVE THIS MAN

A 55-CC INJECTION OF SODIUM PENTOTHAL,

THE CEREBRAL ARTERY.

55 CCs, NURSE PERSIL.

Travis: MM, MM, MM...

AMANDA...

NURSE PERSIL, THE CEREBRAL ARTERY.

[CAMERA ROLLING]

NOT THIS ONE, PETER.

Woman: * HE WAS WONDERFUL

* WONDERFUL

Bernie: ONLY 95 MINUTES LEFT NOW BEFORE THE ROYAL ARRIVAL,

AND EVERYBODY IS CLIMBING INTO THEIR GLAD RAGS,

EVEN ME.

OH, WHAT A GLAD DAY THIS IS GOING TO BE.

THE PADRE HAS GIVEN US A SPECIAL BLESSING.

FLORRIE IS GIVING US A SPECIAL LUNCH,

AND IF YOU LISTEN CAREFULLY, YOU CAN HEAR

ALL THOSE WONDERFUL, LOYAL SUBJECTS OUT THERE

WHO'VE COME HERE JUST SO THAT THEY CAN CATCH A GLIMPSE

OF OUR SPECIAL, SPECIAL VISITOR.

* 1, 2, 3, 4

* KICK NGAMI OUT THE DOOR

* 5, 6, 7, 8

* HE'S THE ONE THAT WE ALL HATE *

* 1, 2, 3, 4

* KICK NGAMI OUT THE DOOR

* 5, 6, 7, 8

* HE'S THE ONE THAT WE ALL HATE *

HEY, RED, IT'S A GIG. HEE HEE HEE!

COME ON. LET'S GET INTO IT.

IT'S ABOUT TIME WE HAD SOME ACTION AROUND HERE.

* HE'S THE ONE THAT WE ALL HATE *

* 1, 2, 3, 4

* KICK NGAMI OUT THE DOOR

* 1, 2, 3, 4

* KICK NGAMI OUT THE DOOR

* 5, 6, 7, 8

* HE'S THE ONE THAT WE ALL HATE *

* 1, 2, 3, 4

* KICK NGAMI OUT THE DOOR...

HA HA HA! WHOO!

BOOGEDY BOOGEDY BOOGEDY BOOGEDY!

WHOO WHOO HOO!

* 1, 2, 3, 4

* KICK NGAMI OUT THE DOOR

* 5, 6, 7, 8

* HE'S THE ONE THAT WE ALL HATE *

* 1, 2, 3, 4...

THOSE PICKETS ARE GETTING VERY ROWDY, CHIEF SUPERINTENDENT.

WE'RE COUNTING ON YOU, JOHNS.

OH, WE'VE GOT AN EYE ON THEM, SIR.

APOLOGIES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

EVERYTHING IS SORTED OUT.

NOW, IF YOU'D CARE TO FOLLOW ME,

WE'LL COMMENCE THE ROUTE MARKED OUT ON YOUR MAPS.

[SLAMMING]

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO BE OUT OF HERE BY 10:00.

WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THE RIGHT COLOR, MR. POTTER.

THIS STUFF THEY SENT ALONG JUST DOESN'T MATCH.

WE'VE GOT PRIDE IN OUR CRAFT, SIR,

JUST THE SAME AS YOU.

YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER 10 MINUTES,

AND I'M HAVING ALL THIS STUFF REMOVED AND YOU WITH IT.

VICTORY CONCOURSE,

WHERE HER ROYAL HIGHNESS WILL COMMENCE HER TOUR.

MATRON.

WITH 53 WARDS AND OVER 1,100 BEDS,

BRITANNIA IS THE SENIOR HOSPITAL

FOR THE SOUTHEASTERN CAPITAL AREA,

PROVIDING COMPLETE MEDICAL CARE

FOR A POPULATION OF 2.75 MILLION PEOPLE.

OUR NURSING STAFF OF OVER 3,000 HANDLES A TURNOVER

OF APPROXIMATELY 90,000 PATIENTS A YEAR.

AHEM.

WE CANNOT, OF COURSE, HOPE TO DEMONSTRATE

THE FULL RANGE OF OUR ACTIVITIES TO HRH,

BUT WE HAVE ENDEAVORED TO MAKE A REPRESENTATIVE SELECTION.

WE START THROUGH HERE.

[UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING]

IT'S THE BEST OF THE WARD.

WOMEN'S POSTOPERATIVE,

ONE OF OUR OLDEST. AND QUIETEST.

WHO HAVE YOU GOT FOR US, MATRON?

FOURTH ON THE RIGHT-- MISS ROUNTREE.

ONE OF OUR EASIEST PATIENTS, MISS ROUNTREE.

SHE'S BEEN WITH US FOR TWO YEARS.

SHE'S COMPLETELY PARALYZED--STRESS.

HER SISTER WAS LOST IN A PLANE CRASH IN ICELAND,

A GRADUAL DETERIORATION.

SHE CAN ONLY COMMUNICATE WITH HER EYES.

EMINENTLY SUITABLE.

KINDLY FOLLOW ME, PLEASE, IN THROUGH HERE.

[EKG BEEPING]

OUR MOST RESPECTED FOREIGN MINISTER SINCE PALMERSTON.

TERMINAL, I'M AFRAID.

[KNOCKS]

HUH?

OUR FRIENDS FROM THE PALACE, SIR HUBERT.

THEY WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME.

YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME.

THIS SCEPTER'D ISLE,

THIS OTHER EDEN, DEMI-PARADISE,

THIS PRECIOUS STONE SET IN THE SILVER SEA,

THIS BLESSED PLOT,

THIS REALM, THIS ENGLAND--

[GASPS]

OHH...

[LONG BEEP]

HE'S GONE.

[BEEP STOPS]

PITY. HE'D HAVE APPRECIATED A VISIT.

THE RUDYARD KIPLING WARD--

BRITANNIA'S MOST MODERN INSTALLATION,

BUILT AND EQUIPPED LAST YEAR

AT A COST OF 2 MILLION POUNDS

DONATED BY THE MASONIC BROTHERHOOD.

SIR GEOFFREY.

WELL, THE KIPLING IS OUR PRIDE AND JOY.

IT FEATURES ALL THE MOST ADVANCED NURSING TECHNIQUES.

CLOSED-CIRCUIT VIDEO AND RADIO SYSTEMS

ENABLE ONE NURSE TO TEND THE NEEDS

OF 17 PATIENTS INSTEAD OF 3,

AND ALL EQUIPMENT IN THIS WARD

IS BRITISH-DESIGNED AND MADE.

SIR ANTHONY.

Reporter: ...THE FINAL COUNTDOWN.

THE ASTRONAUTS HAVE HAD THEIR LAST INSPECTION.

THE WORLD STANDS WAITING AS THE SECONDS TICK BY.

30, 29--

Anthony: VERY IMPRESSED.

UNFORTUNATELY, THE WARD IS NOT IN USE

AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME.

SHORTAGE OF CLEANING STAFF.

3, 2, 1...

BLASTOFF.

PERFECT START AS MANKIND MAKES ANOTHER GREAT LEAP INTO THE FUTURE.

[DOOR OPENS]

BLIMEY. EVITA. HA HA HA!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WELL...

NOBODY TOLD ME IT WAS CHRISTMAS.

THERE'S NOTHING DEMEANING IN SHOWING RESPECT, BEN.

IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU IN A TIE.

BORROWED IT OFF OF ONE OF THE LADS.

AH, HELLO.

HERE'S ANOTHER CANDIDATE FOR THE HOUSE OF LORDS.

BEN, PHYLLIS.

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY.

IF ONLY MY DEAR OLD GRANDDAD COULD'VE BEEN HERE.

THAT MUST BE HIS SUIT YOU'RE WEARING.

IT'S A BIT TIGHT.

TAKE NO NOTICE OF HIM, TOM.

YOU LOOK A REAL GENTLEMAN.

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO CALL HER?

OH, I'VE GOT BUTTERFLIES.

YOUR HIGHNESS, OF COURSE.

SHE'S A ROYAL, ISN'T SHE?

NO. YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS, SURELY.

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA CALL HER ANYTHING.

BEN...

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO EAT AT FORTNUMS.

SHH.

LADY FELICITY, SIR ANTHONY,

THIS IS MRS. GRIMSHAW OF COHSE,

MR. BEN KEATING OF NUPE,

AND MR. TOM SHARKEY OF THE AMALGAMATED ENGINEERS.

NOW, WHEN YOU MEET HER ROYAL HIGHNESS,

THE LADIES CURTSY, THE GENTLEMEN BOW,

AND YOU'LL SAY, "HONOREDTOMEETYOUMA'AM."

HOW'S THAT AGAIN?

PARDON?

HONOREDTOMEETYOUMA'AM.

"HONORED TO MEET YOU, MA'AM."

NOW, SHALL WE TRY?

ALL TOGETHER. NOW.

HONORED TO MEET YOU, MA'AM.

HONORED TO MEET YOU, MA'AM.

I'M SURE WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.

LADY FELICITY? NOW WATCH.

Both: HONORED TO MEET YOU, MA'AM.

NOW TRY AGAIN.

All: HONORED TO MEET YOU, MA'AM.

MUCH BETTER. MUCH BETTER.

OH. OH, DEAR.

THAT'S NOT INDUSTRIAL ACTION, IS IT?

NO, OUT OF THE QUESTION.

I HOPE THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE ANY TROUBLE.

NO, NO. IT'S ALL RIGHT, SIR ANTHONY.

WE HAVE FULL AUXILIARY SUPPLIES IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY.

BILES, YOU BETTER RUN DOWN TO THE BALLROOM AND CHECK, WILL YOU?

Tom: MY BOYS WOULDN'T BE PARTY TO ANY INSULT TO THE ROYAL FAMILY.

Anthony: I'M PLEASED TO HEAR THAT.

ONE FINAL THING.

WHEN YOU SHAKE HANDS WITH HRH, DON'T GRIP,

JUST THE LIGHTEST OF TOUCHES.

Johns: QUIET A MOMENT. SHH.

[PEOPLE SHOUTING]

THAT'S A CROWD.

GOOD GOD!

OI, YOU DEVIL NGAMI! COME OUT!

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE.

THAT'S ELISHA ODINGU, OR I'M A DUTCHMAN.

Elisha: YOU CAN'T STAY IN THERE FOREVER!

THE PEOPLE'S REVOLUTIONARY PARTY DEMANDS VENGEANCE

FOR YOUR ATROCITIES!

[ALL CHANTING "VENGEANCE"]

Felicity: THIS IS A DISASTER.

DISASTER? IT'S A CATASTROPHE.

CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU, MR. POTTER.

[ALL CHEERING]

Elisha: WE WILL JOIN OUR BROTHERS AND OUR SISTERS

OF THE INTERNATIONAL REVOLUTIONARY MOVEMENT!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Elisha: THEIR STRUGGLE IS OUR STRUGGLE!

[CROWD CHEERING]

CAPITALIST IMPERIALISM IS OUR COMMON ENEMY!

[CROWD CHEERING]

CAPITALISM MEANS WAR, UNEMPLOYMENT, POVERTY,

RACIAL AND SEXUAL OPPRESSION!

[ALL CHEERING]

ONLY BY COMPLETE DESTRUCTION OF CAPITALISM

CAN WE MAKE AN END TO THE EXPLOITERS,

THE VERMIN WHO THREATEN US AND OUR CHILDREN

WITH THEIR DEATH DEALING.

[ALL CHEERING]

OH, IT'S GETTING OUT OF HAND.

Woman: WE WILL MEET VIOLENCE WITH VIOLENCE...

RED TO SPIDER. WHERE ARE YOU?

RED TO SPIDER. LET'S HEAR FROM YOU.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

COME ON. LET'S MAKE MOVIES.

HEY, COME BACK. MOVIES!

SAMMY BOY!

Woman: AND YOU WITH THAT MEDIA LACKEY

WHO TURN HUMAN SUFFERING INTO ENTERTAINMENT

FOR THE CAPITALIST BOURGEOISIE.

PLEASE.

HA HA HA!

[ENGINE REVVING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[GEARS GRINDING]

[ENGINE REVVING]

Sammy: COME ON! YEAH! YOU!

YAAH! HA HA HA!

TOP OF THE WORLD!

YAAH!

THERE IS NO WAY I CAN AUTHORIZE A VISIT BY HRH

UNDER THESE CONDITIONS.

YOU GAVE US YOUR ASSURANCE

THAT THERE WOULD BE NO UNPLEASANTNESS.

BUT THIS IS QUITE BEYOND OUR JURISDICTION.

WE CAN'T CANCEL NOW. THERE'S TOO MUCH AT STAKE.

THAT'S NOT A USUAL CROWD.

THEY'RE THE RIFFRAFF OF THE WELFARE STATE.

WELL, THEY'RE NOT MY PEOPLE.

THAT'S YOUR LOT OUT THERE, BEN.

WHY DON'T YOU GET THEM UNDER CONTROL?

THEY'VE BEEN PROVOKED BEYOND ENDURANCE.

ASSHOLES.

Phyllis: OHH! OH, MY FACE.

OH! GET BACK.

Potter: TOM, HELP ME WITH THE SHUTTERS.

OH, YEAH. YES.

ALL RIGHT.

Johns: SIR ANTHONY, A CALL TO THE PALACE.

TELL THEM TO DIVERT HRH.

HERE'S AN OUTSIDE LINE.

I'M NOT GOING TO BE BLIND, AM I?

NOW JUST SIT VERY, VERY STILL.

Anthony: WHAT'S THAT? BATTERSEA DOGS HOME?

Man on phone: BATTERSEA DOGS HOME.

I DIALED 123-9900. PLEASE GET OFF THE LINE.

AH, YES, JUST A TEENY BIT OF GLASS.

TWEEZERS. TWEEZERS.

Anthony: NO, I DO NOT WANT A MINICAB.

ALL RIGHT, NOW.

NOW, THIS MAY HURT A LITTLE.

OOH!

HEH HEH HEH! BRAVE GIRL.

THE PALACE, SIR.

PUT ME THROUGH TO COMMANDER FERRIS IMMEDIATELY.

PURPLE ALERT.

COMMANDER? MOUNT HERE.

WE'VE GOT TROUBLE DOWN AT BRITANNIA.

YOU MUST DEFLECT HRH.

Commander, on telephone: SHE ALREADY LEFT.

SHE'S ON HER WAY.

TELL HIM TO USE THE RADIO.

USE THE RADIO.

IT'S MALFUNCTIONING.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT'S MALFUNCTIONING?

THE RADIO IS MALFUNCTIONING.

THEN SEND A HELICOPTER.

Commander: ALL RIGHT.

THEY'VE LOST CONTACT WITH HRH.

OH, NO.

THIS IS ALL TERRIBLY UNFORTUNATE.

YOU'LL HAVE TO CANCEL THE CEREMONY.

YOU MEAN SURRENDER?

WELL, THERE SEEMS TO BE NO ALTERNATIVE.

Potter: NEVER.

I LOVE THIS HOSPITAL!

IT'S MY WHOLE LIFE!

IT'S...BEEN WIFE, MOTHER, CHILD TO ME!

I'VE GIVEN IT EVERYTHING!

AND NOTHING IS GONNA WRECK IT! NOTHING!

NO ONE.

WE'RE WITH YOU, VINCENT.

MY MEMBERS WILL STAND FAST.

I GAVE YOU MY WORD, MR. POTTER,

AND I'LL STICK TO IT.

YOU CAN COUNT ON MY LADS.

THEY'LL KEEP THINGS GOING.

DON'T WORRY.

THE EMERGENCY SYSTEM WILL COME ON IN 3 SECONDS.

1...2...3.

SABOTAGE.

JOHNS, CALL THE RIOT SQUAD IMMEDIATELY!

THEY'RE STANDING BY, SIR.

GET ME THE BOILER ROOM IMMEDIATELY.

JOHNS HERE, SPG.

SPG? I WANT THE BOILER ROOM.

WHAT BOILER ROOM?

[GRUNTS]

[SIGH]

SABOTAGE, SIR. THEY JOINED THE DEVIL!

THE BOILER ROOM. NOT A MINUTE TO LOSE.

WHERE-- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

GET BACK TO WORK.

STRIKE ACTION, MR. POTTER.

WORKER SOLIDARITY.

PRIVATE PATIENTS OUT.

YOU'RE FIRED!

WE'VE TAKEN OVER.

GO ON, GET DOWN.

THE LEVER OVER THERE, ON THE LEFT--

PULL IT DOWN.

THAT'S THE ONE.

Man: HEY, YOU!

GET AWAY FROM THERE!

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE UP TO?

GET--GET OUT OF-- OOH!

WELL, THAT WAS A CLOSE SHAVE.

CARTILAGE?

COMPLETED.

FIBULA?

INTEGRATED.

RECTUM?

FUNCTIONAL, SIR.

WE WILL PROCEED.

ALTERNATE COMPONENT, DR. MacMILLAN, PLEASE.

THAT LAST POWER FAILURE, DOCTOR--

THE REFRIGERATION UNIT'S PACKED UP.

THE AUXILIARY MOTORS MALFUNCTIONED.

I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF THE HEAD.

ALTERNATE EMERGENCY, SIR. 15 SECONDS, HOLD.

WE'VE LOST THE HEAD, J.M.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT'S BEGINNING TO PUMP.

THAT INTRUDER! BRING HIM OUT!

TEMPERATURE, NURSE?

HE'LL DO. ONTO THE TABLE.

MacMILLAN?

CLEAVER.

NO, PROFESSOR, NO!

OUT OF MY WAY, WOMAN!

CAUTERIZE AND CONTINUE.

STAND BY WITH LASER NEEDLE.

[WOMAN SINGING OPERA]

DARLING...YOUR WORK WILL GO ON.

Man on loudspeaker: BRINGING AN END TO IMPERIALISM!

[CROWD SHOUTING]

AN END TO PRIVILEGE!

[MAN CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO?

SOLIDARITY, POTTER.

WE'RE JOINING OUR LADS OUTSIDE.

LARGER LOYALTIES, MR. POTTER.

WE'RE ALL ON THE SAME SIDE, LADS.

NOT IN A CLASS WAR, WE'RE NOT.

NOT IN THE INEVITABLE MARCH OF SOCIALISM, POTTER.

WHAT ABOUT THE FEW?

REMEMBER THE BATTLE OF BRITAIN?

REMEMBER THE PEASANTS' REVOLT.

REMEMBER THE THIN RED LINE!

REMEMBER THE ODESSA STEPS.

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW KARL MARX FROM A TAFFY APPLE!

[CROWD SHOUTING]

THIS HOSPITAL IS RUN ON 125 MILLION POUNDS OF YOUR MONEY

EVERY YEAR!

FOR THE PRIVILEGED FEW LYING IN THERE,

WHEN ORDINARY PEOPLE ARE DYING IN THE GUTTER!

PRIVILEGE IS A CRIME!

PRIVATE PATIENTS ARE CRIMINALS!

PRIVATE PATIENTS OUT!

[CROWD CHANTING, "PRIVATE PATIENTS OUT!"]

WHISKEY ROMEO 3 AND 7, COME IN.

THIS IS FOXTROT CONTROL.

I'M FEARFUL, JOHNS.

IF HRH FALLS INTO THE HANDS OF THAT MOB,

THERE'S NO KNOWING WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN.

[CHANTING CONTINUES]

HOW LONG CAN YOUR MEN HOLD THEM, CHIEF SUPERINTENDENT?

MY MEN WILL STAND FIRM TO THE END, SIR,

BUT THAT'S A DANGEROUS MOB. YES?

THEY ARE PEASANTS.

GETTING COMPLETELY OUT OF HAND.

MY FORCES LOCATED HRH.

TELL THEM TO STALL HER 5 MINUTES.

I'VE GOT A PLAN.

Johns: HOLD EVERYTHING.

BILES, HOW MANY HAVE WE GOT IN THE PRIVATE WING?

26, SIR.

35, INCLUDING PRESIDENT NGAMI AND HIS RETINUE.

RIGHT. THAT SHOULD SATISFY THEM.

GET ME THE RED CROSS ON THE OTHER LINE.

PHYLLIS, YOU'RE NOT DESERTING US?

NO SUCH THING, VINCENT POTTER.

ME AND MY GIRLS STAY TRUE TO OUR WORD.

DO YOU HAVE A PETTICOAT ON UNDER THAT OUTFIT?

YES.

WHITE? OF COURSE.

GOOD. GET IT OFF. WHAT?

COME ON, COME ON! GO GET IT OFF!

YOU GOT NO TIME TO WASTE.

WE'RE GOING OUT.

Millar: LASER NEEDLE.

FULL POWER.

[BAND PLAYING]

[CROWD MURMURING]

Potter: REQUEST FOR PARLEY.

COME FORWARD IN PEACE.

LET HIM COME THROUGH!

[CROWD MURMURING]

COMRADES, LET COMRADE POTTER THROUGH!

THE FORCE OF PROGRESS CONQUERS!

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

TODAY THE PRINCIPLES OF EQUALITY HAVE WON A GREAT VICTORY.

[CHEERING]

BRITANNIA HOSPITAL WILL NO LONGER OFFER PRIVILEGE

TO THE WEALTHY FEW.

BRITANNIA'S PRIVATE PATIENTS

WILL BE EJECTED!

[CROWD CHEERING]

AND IN RETURN, COMRADES,

WE WILL SHOW MERCY.

AMBULANCES ARE WAITING TO CARRY THE VICTIMS

OF THIS MORNING'S BOMB DISASTER

TO THIS HOSPITAL.

STAND BACK, BRETHREN.

LET THE AMBULANCES THROUGH.

[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

NOW...

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

NOW...POWER.

ON.

EXCELLENT.

[PEOPLE MURMURING]

SURPRISING.

NOW INCREASE TO FULL CONSCIOUSNESS LEVEL.

[GRUNTING]

WELCOME.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD.

UH...

UH...

[GROANING SOFTLY]

AAH!

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

GET IT OFF!

[SCREAMING]

[SCREAMING]

GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!

GET ME A CLEAVER! A CLEAVER!

[PEOPLE GASPING]

AHH. IT'S NOTHING. MINOR ABRASIONS.

AAH!

STAND BACK.

FAREWELL.

SO MUCH FOR THE HUMANE SOLUTION.

THAT DREAM IS OVER.

IT SHALL BE AS SHE WISHED.

TODAY I WILL GIVE GENESIS TO THE WORLD.

[PEOPLE JEERING]

THANK GOD THEY DON'T KNOW SHE'S HERE.

YET.

HONORED TO MEET YOU, MA'AM.

[CROWD BOOING]

[PEOPLE SHOUTING]

AAH!

SUPERINTENDENT,

CAN YOU GUARANTEE THE SAFETY OF HRH?

SIR, SHE'S AS SAFE HERE AS IN WINDSOR CASTLE.

JUST LOOK AT THOSE COMEDIANS.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT A SIGHT!

LOOK AT THAT UNIFORM!

WOULD YOU MIND?

HEY, MAN, THAT'S HER!

THEY GOT HER INSIDE!

LYING BASTARDS!

THEY LIED! THEY TRICKED US!

WE'VE BEEN HAD!

THE ROYALS ARE INSIDE!

[ALL SHOUTING]

THINGS ARE GETTING OUT OF CONTROL.

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING TO DO.

CUT THE TOUR. AND THE LUNCH.

AND ADVANCE THE CEREMONY.

BILES, CHECK THE RED CARPET AND THE ORCHESTRA.

ALERT MILLAR.

YES, SIR.

WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF?

[WARMING UP INSTRUMENTS]

[MAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY ON LOUDSPEAKER]

PREPARE TO SWEEP THE EXPLOITERS FROM THE FACE OF EARTH!

EQUALITY!

Crowd: EQUALITY!

[BAND PLAYING "RULE, BRITANNIA!"]

WAIT. WAIT.

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[CROWD YELLING]

[DRUM ROLL]

[BAND PLAYING "GOD SAVE OUR GRACIOUS QUEEN"]

[BAND PLAYING]

THIS IS DISGRACEFUL.

PLEASE, DO SOMETHING.

DISGRACEFUL.

THERE CAN BE NO EXCUSE FOR THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR.

WE'VE GOT TO CUT THIS SHORT.

THIS IS DISGRACEFUL.

HRH MUST BE PROTECTED.

THIS IS NO GOOD. GET HER INSIDE NOW.

BUT THIS IS THE JAPANESE ANTHEM.

TO HELL WITH THEIR ANTHEM.

POTTER, GET THE KEY.

STOP. GET THEM OFF.

[CROWD SHOUTING]

IF YOU PLEASE, MA'AM.

OOH.

MAY I?

OH! I'M SORRY.

TELL THEM TO HOLD THE CENTER AT ALL COSTS.

DEPLOY SKIRMISHERS RIGHT AND LEFT.

ALL RIGHT!

SCUM!

DON'T DISTRESS YOURSELF, DEAR.

DON'T ANTAGONIZE THEM.

BASTARD!

ANIMAL!

Potter: OPEN UP!

OPEN UP!

OPEN UP!

Potter: OPEN UP! OPEN UP! GET THESE DOORS OPEN!

OPEN UP! HEY, OPEN UP!

FEENEY, OPEN THESE DOORS!

OPEN THOSE DOORS! OPEN UP!

EVERYONE BACK.

PLEASE, PLEASE.

[CROWD SHOUTING]

[INDISTINCT]

YOU'LL BE THERE IN 10 SECONDS.

Potter: LADIES AND GENTS, PLEASE.

YOU ARE PERFECTLY SAFE.

THOSE DOORS ARE FITTED WITH AN ELECTRONIC LOCKING DEVICE

AND CAN WITHSTAND UNLIMITED PRESSURE.

NOW, I MUST ASK YOUR INDULGENCE FOR A FEW MOMENTS.

THERE WILL BE A SHORT DELAY,

AND THEN PROFESSOR MILLAR'S DEMONSTRATION WILL PROCEED ACCORDING TO PLAN.

THANK YOU.

[APPLAUSE]

AH! THERE YOU ARE, PETER!

COME ON IN! DOWN TO THE FRONT.

[PEOPLE MURMURING]

[COUGHS]

YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THE DEMONSTRATION IS PREPARED.

YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

WE LIVE IN AN AGE OF REVOLUTION...

REVOLUTION IN THOUGHT, REVOLUTION IN SOCIETY,

REVOLUTION IN TECHNOLOGY.

THE REVOLUTION OF TODAY IS TRANSFORMING OUR WORLD MORE VIOLENTLY

THAN THE INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION

WHICH GAVE MAN POWER OVER THE NATURAL FORCES

WHICH HAD CONTROLLED HIM FOR 20,000 YEARS.

WE ARE ENTERING A NEW ERA.

I AM GOING TO SHOW YOU THE FACE OF THAT NEW ERA.

[THUMP ON DOOR]

THEY'RE IN, SIR! THEY'RE IN!

[PEOPLE SHOUTING]

THEY'VE GOT US OUTNUMBERED, MR. POTTER!

WE CAN'T HOLD THEM BACK!

Potter: DON'T PANIC! COME ON!

PREPARE TO EVACUATE!

NO!

KEEP YOUR SEATS, EVERYBODY!

[SHOUTING]

LITTLE MEN.

LITTLE MEN, DO YOU CLAIM TO SPEAK FOR THE FUTURE?

WE DO!

AND WHO SPEAKS FOR YOU?

I DO!

COME FORWARD.

COME FORWARD IN PEACE,

AND I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT THE FUTURE MEANS.

LET THEM THROUGH.

FOLLOW ME.

TAKE A SEAT.

FRIENDS...

FELLOW MEMBERS OF THE HUMAN RACE...

WE ARE GATHERED HERE FOR A PURPOSE.

LET US LOOK TOGETHER AT MANKIND.

WHAT DO WE SEE?

WE SEE MASTERY.

WHAT WONDERS MANKIND CAN PERFORM.

HE CAN CROSS OCEANS AND CONTINENTS TODAY

AS EASILY AS OUR GRANDFATHERS CROSSED THE STREET.

TOMORROW, HE WILL AS EASILY CROSS

THE VAST TERRITORY OF SPACE.

HE CAN MAKE DESERTS FERTILE

AND PLANT CABBAGES ON THE MOON.

AND WHAT DOES MAN CHOOSE?

ALONE AMONG THE CREATURES OF THIS WORLD,

THE HUMAN RACE CHOOSES TO ANNIHILATE ITSELF.

SINCE THE LAST WORLD CONFLICT ENDED,

THERE HAS NOT BEEN ONE DAY IN WHICH HUMAN BEINGS

HAVE NOT BEEN SLAUGHTERING OR WOUNDING ONE ANOTHER

IN 230 DIFFERENT WARS.

AND MAN BREEDS AS RECKLESSLY AS HE LAYS WASTE.

BY THE END OF THE CENTURY,

THE POPULATION OF THE WORLD WILL HAVE TRIPLED.

2/3 OF OUR PLANT SPECIES WILL HAVE BEEN DESTROYED!

55% OF THE ANIMAL KINGDOM

AND 70% OF OUR MINERAL RESOURCES.

OUT OF EVERY HUNDRED HUMAN BEINGS NOW LIVING,

80 WILL DIE WITHOUT EVER KNOWING WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE FULLY NOURISHED,

WHILE A TINY MINORITY INDULGE THEMSELVES

IN ABSURD AND EXTRAVAGANT LUXURY.

A MOTION PICTURE ENTERTAINER OF NORTH AMERICA

WILL RECEIVE AS MUCH MONEY IN A MONTH

AS WILL FEED US A STARVING SOUTH AMERICAN TRIBE FOR A HUNDRED YEARS!

WE WASTE!

WE DESTROY!

AND WE CLING LIKE SAVAGES TO OUR SUPERSTITIONS.

WE GIVE POWER TO LEADERS OF STATE AND CHURCH

AS PREJUDICED AND SMALL-MINDED AS OURSELVES

WHO SQUANDER OUR RESOURCES ON INSTRUMENTS OF DESTRUCTION

WHILE MILLIONS CONTINUE TO SUFFER AND GO HUNGRY,

CONDEMNED FOREVER TO LIVES OF IGNORANCE AND DEPRIVATION.

AND WHY IS THIS?

IT IS BECAUSE MANKIND HAS DENIED INTELLIGENCE,

THE UNIQUE GLORY OF OUR SPECIES,

THE HUMAN BRAIN.

MAN IS ENTERING AN ERA OF INFINITE POSSIBILITY

STILL IMPRISONED IN A FEEBLE, INEFFICIENT BODY,

STILL MANACLED BY PRIMITIVE NOTIONS OF MORALITY

WHICH HAVE NO PLACE IN AN AGE OF SCIENCE,

STILL POWERED BY A BRAIN THAT HAS HARDLY DEVELOPED

SINCE THE SPECIES EMERGED FROM THE CAVES.

ONLY A NEW INTELLIGENCE CAN SAVE MANKIND!

ONLY A NEW HUMAN BEING OF PURE BRAIN

CAN LEAD MAN FORWARD INTO THE NEW ERA.

I DO NOT SPEAK OF DREAMS.

SUCH A BEING EXISTS ALREADY.

I HAVE CREATED IT.

IT IS HERE NOW.

PREPARE YOURSELVES TO MEET THE HUMAN OF THE FUTURE.

NEITHER MAN NOR WOMAN, GREATER THAN EITHER.

I HAVE GIVEN IT A NAME:

GENESIS--BIRTH.

A NEW BIRTH!

A NEW BEGINNING FOR MANKIND!

PEOPLE OF TODAY,

BEHOLD YOUR FUTURE!

100,000 TIMES MORE POWERFUL THAN YOUR BRAIN OR MINE.

AND IN 5 YEARS' TIME, THIS BRAIN WILL BE OUT OF DATE.

THIS SPONGY, FINITE, VULNERABLE SUBSTANCE

WILL BE REPLACED BY A SILICON CHIP

1/8 OF A MILLIMETER SQUARE.

WITHIN 50 YEARS,

IT WILL BE POSSIBLE TO CONTAIN THE ENTIRE WORLD OF HOMO SAPIENS

IN A MATCHBOX.

YOU SEE THE FACE OF THE FUTURE.

NOW HEAR ITS VOICE.

Genesis: WHAT A PIECE OF WONDER IS A MAN.

HOW NOBLE IN REASON,

HOW INFINITE IN FACULTY.

IN FORM AND IN MOVING,

HOW EXPRESS AND ADMIRABLE.

IN ACTION, HOW LIKE AN ANGEL.

IN APPREHENSION, HOW LIKE A GOD.

HOW LIKE A GOD.

HOW LIKE A GOD.

HOW LIKE A GOD.

HOW LIKE A GOD.

Woman: * WHEN BRITAIN FIRST AT HEAVEN'S COMMAND *

* AROSE FROM OUT THE AZURE MAIN *

* AROSE, AROSE, AROSE FROM OUT THE AZURE MAIN *

* THIS WAS THE CHARTER, THE CHARTER OF THE LAND *

* AND GUARDIAN ANGELS SANG THIS STRAIN *

Chorus: * RULE, BRITANNIA

* BRITANNIA, RULE THE WAVES

* BRITONS NEVER SHALL BE SLAVES *

Woman: * STILL MORE MAJESTIC SHALT THOU RISE *

* MORE DREADFUL FROM EACH FOREIGN STROKE *

* MORE DREADFUL, MORE DREADFUL

* DREADFUL FROM EACH FOREIGN STROKE *

* AS THE LOUD BLAST THAT TEARS THE SKIES *

* SERVES BUT TO ROOT THY NATIVE OAK *

Chorus: * RULE, BRITANNIA

* BRITANNIA, RULE THE WAVES

* BRITONS NEVER SHALL BE SLAVES *

* RULE, BRITANNIA

* BRITANNIA, RULE THE WAVES...

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY LIONS GATE ENTERTAINMENT

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--