Original subtitles

Yellow Lemon and Red Lemon

are the outstanding killers

They appear in front of a big moon

The moon is like a lemon

It hangs in the sky

Yellow Lemon

do you know why you're invited here?

It's so simple

since I am a special killer

A killer who kills hands

I want you to go to Messy Temple

get the hand of Master Min-pik

What will you pay?

I promise, you'll have as many lemons as you want

Deal

Who did it?

I did

I haven't heard the name of this killer

A big hole

Help me

Alright

Sew it, hold on

You want me to mend this new cloth for you?

Don't think that I'd buy any new cloth for you

The sun rises

Open the eyes, lie in bed

The sun rises

Get up early

What're you doing?

Please lend me your teeth

No

Alright

Ok, I will lend it to you

You'd have lent me earlier

It's your turn

Your turn

It's fixed

Waxen't it

Master, it's alright

39

40

41

42

43

44

45

46

47

48

49

50

Damn it, I want to break it

Shit

I don't want you to say such things

Hurry up, clean it quickly

Who taught you to clean like this? You lazy bone

Take it. Clean the floor

Good morning, Master

You shouldn't fool around early in the morning

Cut the plant

It's fixed, Master, it's done

Who let you be that lazy?

You deserve to be punished

You shouldn't do this

What a beautiful moon!

I'd like to teach you the Wonderful Air Stance

Senior, it's going to be 5 am go to sleep

Shit! I am in good mood

don't spoil my mood

Breathe in

Fart

It stinks

The theory of Air Stance is based on respiration

The fresh air rises

the polluted air descends

When you reach the top standard

you can break through 2 valves

Senior, which 2 valves?

Nostril and asshole

When they are through

you breathe with nose and fart through asshole

Breathe and fart so a great force is created

This is so call 'Essence Absorption Stance'

Breathe in

Fart

It stinks

Breathe again

If we practise such stance

why don't we go to sleep?

Go to sleep

Do you have a good sleep?

What a poor student

I am just sitting here to repent

I wanna fool you

Asshole, you have improved

You are great

Wonderful

Siu-long, it's your turn

What's the matter?

Senior, you can do this?

Something is added, eat this

Come and eat

So thin, I don't want to eat this

Why? Come on, eat it...

Don't move

Eat this

This is better

Wait

Nothing. Eat now

Wait

Nothing, my fart doesn't stink

Come and eat

It stinks!

Let's go for donation

Great

Let's go for donation

Don't move

Two swordsmen are fighting

in the forest ahead

Can you hear that?

One in black suit and the other in blue suit

You can hear the color too?

I won't believe in you...

It's so simple

Open your eyes, and look ahead

Who is nice and who is nasty?

The one in blue is a good man

How do you know that?

He is Adam Cheng he's acted as good man for 20 years

He has never acted as nasty guy

You're right

Alright, I am going to beat the nasty guy

What are you doing?

I just want to beat the nasty guy

Damn you! We are making movie!

Movie?

Right! What are you doing? We are making movie

Do you know how much

we need to take a movie? Damn it

Why do you scold us? We know nothing

Actor, I didn't act well in the previous shot

let's take another one

Yes, sorry, take a rest

You're so lucky

the main character is helping you

Or, you can't afford to pay our loss

Damn it, get lost!

Disappear now

Damn it, I want this film

to get the Oscar Award, damn it

Have some tea

Thank you

You come out for donation?

Yes...

King yee, give them $2,000

You are very smart

Give them $2,000 more

Thank you, master, thank you...

Master said, woman is trouble

Wine is poison

fish and meat are the enemies of us

Delicious

So, we should go against them

Well, let's destroy them

Great. Yeah

Master, thank you

See you

I tell you, we'll eat whenever we see them again

Be careful, don't wake Master up

Get up

Senior, where are you?

I am here

Where?

Under your feet

What's the matter?

Sorry...

Don't you look underneath?

You stepped on me

Why don't you go through the door?

What's up? Do you se a ghost?

Come back

Master...

So naughty!

You are not obedient enough!

You monkeys

You always mess up

Please be merciful

I love you

Be merciful

You are senior

Got it? I said, I love you

then he is not going to beat me

You should learn from...

I want to take good care of you

What is love? Why does love drive men crazy?

Get up

What are you doing?

I can't sleep?

Do you want to infect me?

I am in love

I know a girl, she wrote to me

What is this?

This is me, this is my lover

she wants to meet me

So childish!

What'll I do?

Reply her letter

I don't know writing letter

Let me help you

What's this?

This is OK

You're more childish

What's up?

What are you doing?

I want to meet my lover today

I am afraid she would not like me after knowing I am a monk

It's easy, just make up before going

How?

Prepare the ink for me

You're like Elvis Presley

So smart

Really?

I am sorry to be late

Go and say hello

I dare not

You can tell he is up to no good

be careful

Don't panic, I will be with you

It's going to rain

He is so smart

You trust your sister

I've seen so many wolves just wait and see

Take her inside, if it rains

your hair will be over

It's going to rain let the kids play inside

Look, he is going to disclose his evit heart

That's good, once a man is staying alone with a girl

he will show their real character

Be generous, and be smart

no girls like chicken. Go

If there is anything happens shout for help

It's going to rain, hurry up...

It's going to rain

Wolf!

He is a wolf!

I've warned you

Are you alright?

I've hurt my hand

Am I like Elvis Presley now?

You're like a wolf

Oh my God!

Senior, why do we see lightning

Before hearing thunder?

So stupid! Because eyes...

are in front of ears

No

Our nose is in front of ears

but why do we hear you farting

before smelling it

That's because...

The ass is behind the ears

and the smell goes forward

So you hear the noise and

then smell it. Understand?

Why the broken hearts love staying in the rain?

Since he wants to wash away the ink

with rain

You have so any questions

Man, come in...

Clear your head

Don't cry...

Broken heart is no big deal

you're so young, you still have chance

Be good

I'll introduce Queen Elizabeth to you later

Man, what're you doing?

He is a broken heart

Cut the crap, go on eating

None of my business

What is love? Why love drives men crazy?

I experienced that, so I understand Very well about his feeling

I see, you were once a broken heart

No, I mean your uncle Master Min-pik

He went crazy

because of love

Master, will Man be crazy?

So you have committed a serious fault

You can't mention broken heart

in front of a broken heart

And can't mention love, woman

affection, or anything about love

These will remind him the pain of love

understand?

Look, so many doggies

So cute

I love watching dog feeding doggies

it's so warm

What dog?

Bitch

What is it doing?

To feed the doggie?

What's wrong?

It reminds him of woman

That's why he is so sad I can't stand it either

Are you crazy?

Master, we have a new born son

and we have a name for him

Please check whether this name is good or not

It's easy, what's his name?

Our surname is Fall

His given is in Love

Fall In-love!

Fall in love?

What is he doing?

Master, fall in love!

Who is it?

Fall In-love is not a good name

Why not call him Fall Ling-down?

Falling down? Does this sound good?

Falling down? My heart is falling down

Well, what good suggestion do you have in mind?

How about Rain Fall? Fallow

any Fall as you like

but not Fall in-love, right?

See you

Thank you

I am leaving

Nuts

how can he suggest such name?

Fall Lo-up! So weird!

Don't cry...

Why not name you Alan Tam?

Man doesn't eat and sleep

He be suffered from Psychological

Mo-sie Tu-lo-si-see sickness

You're cultured

What kind of sickness is it?

Reply speaking, it's a sickness created after being brushed off

How to cure it?

To make him laugh

once he laughs, he is cured

Man, no prayer, no practice and no lesson today

Let's play happily together

So ridiculous

So cheap!

I will do it myself

You will laugh happily

Just go ahead

London bridge is falling down...

Man, please smile

Please, or the head will break

Who is it?

An assassinator

Freeze

Don't go

Do you still want to go?

Whose beads?

It's mine

Whose hair is it?

It's mine

Whose diaper?

Bastard

He smiles

This is the end of your life

I think you are gifted

so I don't want to kill you

If you follow me, you'll be rich

Cut, OK, ask the double to take his place

Your turn

I am coming

Bite tightly, go

Come on, vomit it

Don't panic, just think that it's painless

then it's painless

Right, isn't it painless?

No, it really hurts

Don't panic, it's hard to make money

Think something happy

We'll be paid later

so we can buy birthday cake

Today is the birthday of master it's so happy

Be happy, wipe the sweat

I havejust taught you a small lesson

Be smart, think over it

Cut, get the double here

Again?

Right away...

Uncle, be careful

Beat him, beat him to death

Push him aside

Great

Double, get lost. Brothers please come...

Be good, lie down and don't move, right

Brother ming, here comes your line

Those who go against me will be killed

that's alright

Prepare for the next shot

Be good and lie still pretend to be dead

It's great, no more fighting

Then, job is over

Then, you are still very angry

Open your eyes look angry

Sweating, hold your fists and breathe deeply

Then you shout loudly

I want to whip the corpse

Man, are you OK? Cheer up...

The corpse, come on

He is coming...

Open your eyes

Coming...

We are rich

So many cakes

Do you like cakes?

You like it? That's alright

In fact, I don't want you to be beaten

But if you didn't do so we would have no money to buy cakes

When Master blows the candles off

you'll get the biggest piece

Great, yeah!

I want to buy all

It's too much! What are you doing?

Why do you mask my face? I will fall down

Walk slowly, sit down, be careful

Open...

Happy birthday

Master, happy birthday

Happy birthday

Birthday Cake

Birthday Cake

Happy birthday

Thank you...

Pal, my master is 87 years' old

but you have one more extra

Hurry up

Master doesn't allow us to go out for food

so we've to fish

What a big fish

It comes more difficult to get fish

You're great

How about your side?

Siu-long always catches fish for you

If you can't catch your own fish

you won't have any bite

Let's eat

I will fish my own

Fish, here comes delicious earth-worm

come on

It's delicious

We can eat soon

Let's eat

My dick hurts

Crab is delicious

I want to catch lobster next time

Miss, do you want to fish or

want to catch crab?

I want to die

Hurry up, a pretty girl has come

Really? Let's go for a look

I am so poor! So ill-fated!

When I was three, I was sold to be other's adopted daughter

When I was seven, I was raped by my adopted father

When I was twelve, I was sold to be other's wife

When I was fifteen my husband died

When I was sixteen, my adopted father took me home

And he wanted to sell me to the brothel

Cut the onion later

it stimulates eyes

Thank you, it's better now

Although you are poor

we haven't accepted any females

to stay in our temple

Since you can't let me stay

why did you save my life?

Let me die

Miss, wait...

Master

What's the matter?

Master, Buddha said we'd said we'd save other's life

how can you let her die?

I'll let her stay here for a week

You shouldn't fool around in this holy place

Miss, please stay in the store room

Yeah! Thank God

Miss, this way please

Mother is so nice...

Miss, come in

Sit here

I will fix the bed for you wait a minute

Thank you for saving my life and let me stay

I don't know how to thank you

Don't say such words

Will you marry me?

If you are willing to do so I won't mind

I am just kidding, just kidding

You are so sweet

You're so nice to me I can't repay, but...

Kou-tou to you

No, please stop...

I didn't believe that

when two lovers get in touch

it's like being electrified

Now, I believe it

You are stepping on the wire

What? I mistook that...

In fact it is...

Don't panic, it's alright...

I will take the bed for you

It's time to eat, Miss

Thank you

Eat

This is for you

You bothered me! What a trouble!

Senior, Master is coming, look

Take it

Good morning

Good morning

A hard time?

Wait a minute

And

So disgusting

How dare you fool me? Don't go

Stop

Master, help...

I wanna throw you to death

Don't go

Master, throw him counter attack

I wanna throw you to death

Lower the head

Raise the head

My God

Lower the head

Turn back

You should go to hell, damn it

I wanna beat you to death

You are a monk, how dare you fall in love?

I want to teach you a lesson

Take off your pants

No, I won't

Take it off

I am afraid it would scare you

Come on

I don't want to

Really?

No

It's alright

OK, I am going to take it off

Don't peep at me

It's torn, you'd mend it

Miss Siu-hung, you'll leave two days later

What are you going to do then?

I've made up my mind I can't do anything

I will go back to my adopted father's home

Do whatever he like

No

I can afford your living

I can, if only you accept it

I don't want to drag you down

I've heard about your master's story

He fell for a woman

so he was locked up and starved to death

You mean Master Min-pik?

I am different, I am not an official monk

I can quit any time

He is the successor of Shaolin

He fell for a woman of the Evil Sect

it's against our regulations

Don't try to comfort me

I know if you fall for a woman

your only punishment is death

No, my uncle isn't dead

He is locked up in a cave

I send him food everyday

He is fatter than me

If you don't believe it, I will take you there for a look

I do

But my adopted father will pick me up anytime

How much does he want? I will think something

You can't afford it

How much?

$100,000

OK, I'll try. Wait for me

Are you Chan Kar-lok of the Red Flower Society?

Cut the crap, go back to Japan

Great, senior, cheer up

Cut, OK

How are you? Are you alright?

Are you alright?

I am fine

Senior, are you alright?

Great

Am I?

Cut!

Is the shot over?

Is that OK? Is another one needed?

Director, never mind...

OK...

Cut!

Do you want another one?

How is it? Are you alright?

I am fine

Take the medicine box here

Wait

Are you OK?

How is it? Are you alright?

How are you? Are you hurt?

I am fine

Really fine?

Cut, first aid!

Director, is that OK?

It's fixed, this is yours

Thank you

Thank you, I will call you next time

Fine...

You've known it already

Your greatest hint to me is that...

you want to marry with my student

Only two kinds of people will marry with him

Either she is blind

or she's something nasty in mind

You're pretty, you won't be blind

Although you're old

you are quite smart

Red Lemon, the killer of the Evil Sect!

You're great, you could recognize me

My God, about Evil Sect's hatred against Shaolin

just let them go with the wind

When master wanted to suicide with Min-pik

you were the middle man

At last, my masterjumped down from the cliff

and Min-pik didn't follow

Luckily our master didn't die

So she wanted his right hand to

pay for his unfaithful deed

Everyone knows

Shi-shui Sutra of Shaolin

is branded on the right arm of the successor of Shaolin Temple

Min-pik was chosen to be

successor once

you want his right hand

in fact, you aim at the sutra

What a pity that Min-pik died already

I am sure that after kidnapping you

Min-pik will show up

My God...

Good morning

Good morning

Siu-hung, I've got enough money for you...

I've got enough money

The sun rises

What a sound sleep

Who's shouting early in the morning?

Why didn't master wake us up?

Right

Siu-hung... l've got enough money

Siu-hung

She disappears

Master disappears too

They must have run away for love

Cut the crap

Why are you here?

Letter sent by a pigeon

See you again

Let me do it

It flies over there

Get lost, I will handle it

Dear pigeon, you're surrounded

Surrender now

Be frank and you'll receive less punishment

So disgusting, I will give you a fart

No, don't be that impulsive

let me handle it

Don't be impulsive

It's fixed...

What is written?

Location: Old Castle of the Evil Sect

Time: Within 7 days

Result: Your master will be killed

Siu-hong is the killer of

the Evil Sect

These 15 years, the story between Min-pik &

Evil Sect isn't over

How to save Master?

Think something

Virgin's stance

Great!

I've got it at last

Great, you've got the Steel head stance

Congratulations

Stop

What's up?

Fire

I've got it, I've got it

Man, come and help...

Break it

No problem

Your Steel head is so powerful

Siu-hung

Siu-hung

Siu-hung

Senior, you're drunk, it's me

Why do you drink this? Is it delicious?

You know nothing!

Wine can make you forget

trouble and pain

And it will make you feel excited

So amazing?

If you fight after drinking

will you be more powerful?

Reasonable

Get drunk, so you don't feel pain and have more guts

Come on, try this

Drink

Drink more

Drunken Fist

It's really drunken fist

No, it should be drunken chicken

Why do you bring us here?

Isn't this place prohibited for us?

Master said

If you want to leave Shaolin Temple you'd come here first

To worship our ancestors

Ancestors, we leave Shaolin Temple...

in order to save our Master

Please bless us...

so that we could save our master

A copper-men's position!

What'll we do?

Just try our best to go through it

If we can't defeat them

we have to die here

this is our regulation

Well...

Go ahead

Take a seat, I'm so tired

Take a rest first

Sorry for offending

Try hard!

Cheer up

Cheer up...

Cheer up...

Try hard...

Come on

My God

I've made it

You've fallen asleep, haven't you?

Not yet!

Not yet

We'll set out tomorrow

But I have to tell you one thing

or I won't feel comfortable

You know, for the money you earned from the movie

I've got a big share by deceiving you

I couldn't sleep well

and I don't feelat ease

I hope you will forgive

my despice

We know it

Do you know why you always have

stomach ache?

I shitted over 10 times today and...

I see, you...

I put some cathartics in your food

I am more despicable

I put some chili powder on your underpants

Can you forgive me?

Wait for me

Great! I am glad to see you

Master

I'll handle it

I've brought him along

Set our master free

He is a fake

He is the original Min-pik

Min-pik

Who is it?

Block it

Shit, it's a world war

Go to hell

Go to hell

Go to hell

Go to hell

Even my mom dares not beat me like this

He can't beat me

Virgin's stance?

Invincible Virgin

Wonderful

It's you?

Isn't it?

No

It's you, it must be you

I recognise your voice

Why don't you counter attack?

I love you

You liar

I love you

I've heavy burden do you still love me?

I love you more

Pal, what does that mean?

Go to hell

Are you lonesome tonight?

Do you miss me tonight?

Master, I am coming to save you

Master, is there anything wrong with your eyes?

Someone is around

It's alright, I just want to check

whether it's tight or not

So, see you

Don't come over, I...

I don't know Kung-fu

Senior, help me

Help

Man

Senior, take revenge for me

Master, he bullied me

Don't be afraid

You, come

Drink the milk, drink

No milk! What'll we do?

Siu-long, here comes the milk

Take as much as you can Don't give me face

Isn't it absurd?

He gets drunk

How are you?

Drunken Fist

Lam Choi-wo's stance

So comfortable

Han's stance

Lui's invincible fist

Useless

Master

You called me master? Have you had enough kiss?

No. If not were my lips

I couldn't have fixed her

You liar

No... Stop messing

How dare you!

Prepare the funeral for the old man!

Don't kill Master

Master

Don't kill Master

Isn't he Min-pik?

You asshole!

Why didn't you come earlier?

Always come in last minute

I was almost scared to death

King

You appear at last

King, please let him go

This is not his business

How can you say so?

Pay my daughter's life

King

She was dead

Horrible Angel wants to seduce Min-pik

to show up by her body

Master, save Uncle Min-pik

My Kung-fu is lost

So what'll we do?

You know what to do? Take care

Are you alright?

Shit, Master, think something

What to do?

Why do you stare at me?

Master, does the urine of a virgin work?

Sure, the urine of a virgin is an antidote to any poison

Don't look, piss now

Why isn't he killed?

Here comes the urine of a virgin

Go to hell

It stinks

Don't panic, please

Once more

More drops, more drops

Come and help, be good

More, please

Urine of an virgin?

He is afraid of virgin's urine attack him with your urine

Siu-long, come here

Senior, is the urine of a virgin powerful?

It's sweet, beware of diabetes

You bluffer! I won't trust you

Min-pik, you've thought for 3 days

have you made up your mind?

I decided to tour around the world

Why don't you stay here

to be a monk?

Vision is emptiness!

I was a monk

But I couldn't help falling in love

So I want to tour around the world

to live and die with nature

Freeze

Your Kung-fu was better 15 years ago

& you couldn't stop me

You lost your Kung-fu now

how can you stop me?

I just want to take one more glance at you

Promise me

don't come back to see me I n another 15 years

I can't wait another 15 years

I promise

See you

What a hero

He signed 10 autographs for me

So what? I've fifty

Why are you so greedy?

Don't you know that?

I can change it with

one Jimmy Lin's shinning card

Hi, honey!

Darling!

What is love?

It drives people crazy

I am coming

Will you leave here for another 15 years

as Min-pik did?

No, he left for 15 years

but I need only 10 minutes to fix her up

Thank God

Why? Why 10 minutes?

Just three words

What?

I don't know

47

48

49

50

Damn clock

Help

Don't worry

I've covered his stin king mouth, it's alright

Go back to your seat

It's great

I didn't say anything

If the clock drops it's none of my business

You said it would be alright

Go now!