Original subtitles

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♪♪

-Aah, aah! -[ Screeches ]

♪♪

Oh, my God.

Holy shit. Oh.

What are -- What are these things?!

Do I look like I know?

Last thing I remember, I was, ugh, in a cave

looking at some wet egg and -- Oh, that probably did it.

I told you not to look at that egg!

I-It was too wet.

You don't get to tell me what to look at.

I've seen your Pornhub account.

Also, who makes a Pornhub account?

The algorithm learns your preferences better that way.

Plus if you get in kind of a cool enough relationship,

you can sort of follow each other

and check out each other's kinks, you know?

Alright, God damn, sold.

How do we get out of here?Morty, relax.

They're face-hugging parasites.

I don't think their society's gonna be that hard to navigate.

Okay, yeah, this might be a little harder than I thought.

Holy shit. They've got an M&M's store.

♪♪

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This is bad, Rick. Th-Th-Th-Th-This is really bad.

Just be cool, Morty.

All we gotta do is blend in, find our ship,

and get the fuck outta here.

Alright, Morty, here's the plan, put this back on your face.

I-I'm not putting that back on my face! Relax. It's dead.

[ Screeches ]

Okay, now it's dead.

Come on, hurry up.

Rick, i-it's bleeding.

I-It's bleeding acid.

Alright, well, that should be the last of it.

If not, then just gimme two tugs on the arm.

[ Screams ]

Seems like a self-destructive life cycle.

Is that gonna happen to us?

You feel an egg in your stomach?

-No. -Well, glass half full.

How's it going? 'Sup.

-Glory to Glorzo. -Totally.

Love Glorzo.

Glorzo is peace.

Peace is Glorzo.

Wow, just cogs in the machine, y'know?

Ma-Makes you think --Yeah, I'm sure you'll make this

into a beautiful short film that your parents'll pay for,

Morty, but right now, we really just need to find my ship.

You sure you're not just jealous?

Looks like I'm kind of a celebrity around here.

Glorzo Morty: The future is Glorzo!

Oh, my God. I was just reading you.

Congratulations on making it into print media.

Real bright future there.

Honestly, it's shocking to see the two of you together.

Because we're both geniuses?

No, because I've seen your videos,

and you make me fucking sick.

Fix him.

Glory to Glorzo.

Sir, you shouldn't wander off like that.

We've been looking all over for you.

The project is ready for your approval.

Sir, is this man bothering you?

Um, no, h-he's fine.

Uh, what -- what project?

Jesus Christ, who the fuck was I?

Here's a scientific fact I'm not allowed to say --

Our hosts are biologically designed to incubate our eggs.

If that "triggers" you, fuck off.

If it doesn't, please like and subscribe.

New videos every Glorzday.

God, was I at least rich?

I mean, d-d-did I at least sell out

and sell vitamins or something?

Rick, I've watched enough Pornhub to know

what a studio apartment looks like.

God damn.

Jesus, your Glorzo got shit done.

My lord, we await your command.

Oh, to...

shoot it? A-At people?

Glorzo is peace.

All shall be made Glorzo.

Soldiers: Glory to Glorzo.

I...did this?

You and the amazing technology you both brought us.

Yeah, makes sense.

A-And where was this heading?

Earth? Probably Earth?

The humans call it "Earth."

Yeah, well, okay, first of all, great work.

You guys obviously put a lot of work into this.

Okay.And y'know, it shows.

I-It really shows. But um...

I-I've been thinking, and, you know,

maybe we should just call this off.

Sorry, is -- is there more?

Nope, nope.

I-I guess, uh, that -- that's it.

Just don't Glorzo Earth.

Just would've been nice to have heard this sooner

before we spent all day on it.

Yeah, well, I-I'm just hearing about it, too.

You ordered it. Right.

I-I did, and, um...

I'm just saying for next time, maybe put more thought

into it before a whole day of --

Okay, well, I'm sorry I made you do your job for a fucking day!

You look like you were all really busy

before I came and fucked it all up.

Boy, oh boy, huh? This guy's a genius, but at --

but at what price, you know?

Y'know, fuck you, Rick!

Who's...Rick?

Yeah, well, if we're free to ask questions,

why haven't you blinked, uh, for 20 minutes,

and why, uh, doesn't your mouth move when you talk?

Ah, geez, look at me.

I-I feel down on -- on -- on the floor.

Oh, let -- let me, uh, help -- help you out here, buddy.

Ah, thanks, man. Thanks, pal. That's right.

I'm right back where -- where -- right back in the saddle here.

Alright, fuck it, run.

[ Glorzos screeching ]

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[ Glorzos screeching ]

I-I hate this! I hate all of this!

Yeah, yeah, keep that feedback coming, Morty.

It can only help.

♪♪

Oh, shit. Aw, man!

How big is this city?!

I know, it's like pick a lane.

Are you face huggers or industrialists?

Damn, feels kinda good when there's no guilt, huh?

Yeah, it's -- it's like in "Star Wars."

Yeah, just like in "Star Wars."

Go nuts!

♪♪

Nice, Morty! Give a little "yee-haw" if you want.

They -- They always do a little "yee-haw" like a cowboy.

Yee-- Yee-ha-- Yee-haw.

Good enough.

♪♪

God, I needed this.

Honestly, it's been a while since I've been able

to just let loose, you know?

Just have fun. I'm -- I'm --

I'm sorry if I've been taking it out on you.

No, I get it. You got a lot on your plate, amigo.

I-I just wish you'd open up

to me more about it sometimes, you know?

I-I-I'm your partner.Thanks, Morty.

I mean that. Thank you.

Sometimes, I get a little in my head, you know?

Hey, man, that head's a good place to be.

Just remember to let me in sometimes, you know?

Will do, buddy. Motherfucker.

♪♪

Oh, my God, this is so much fun!

I don't want to stop!

Yeah, it's like popping bubble wrap.

Honestly, I'm proud of us for not.

Totally. It would've been cheap.

Yeah, real low-hanging fruit, and we're batter than that.

Pearl Harbor, on the other hand...

Yeah, I think that's in-bounds.

I am the god of death!

Should've been a better species!

[ Both laugh ]

So, you did a 9/11?

Almost did a 9/11.

We -- We went with a Pearl Harbor.

We're pretty classy.

Why were either of those an option?

Ask the Saudis.

Wow. Damn.

Yeah, getting political.

I'm political now. How 'bout you, Jerry?

You got anything to add to the family dynamic?

I've been getting into beekeeping lately.

Is something wrong with that?

What's wrong with that?

Don't I have the right to be happy? To exist?

I'm sorry I didn't 9/11

Pearl Harbor before breakfast, but I have a life, too!

I have dreams!And how's Summer?

Did she have fun, too?

Oh. Uh-um.

Summer... was...

With us.

There.

You saw us take her in the car with us.

Mm, yes.Yes, yes, of course.

Th-That's what happened.

And now she's...Sleepy.

Um, she's -- she's sleepy.

Really sleepy. That's why she's not here.

So sleepy.

She's sleepy?!

What the hell was that?!

I didn't see you trying anything!

Shitting the bed isn't better than not shitting the bed!

Where's Summer?!

Geez. Oh, man.

You know, maybe we went too hardcore on these guys.

Yeah, why do you think we never go back

to a place we've already been?

Do you know how many adventures we could get out

of Purge Planet, Morty? Gear World?

I don't sequel. It's called integrity.

Here, put this back on your face.

You kept it?Oh, did you want a new one?

-'Sup? -Yo.

Oh, shit. It's them!

The worst thing to ever happen to us!

Yeah, that makes sense.

Sorry, Morty, we tried pussin' it.

Time to go in hot.

Rickputer, initiate unnecessarily badass suit-up.

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Let's lick tits.

♪♪

Shouldn't we be finding Summer?

Oh, right, gee, sorry. I got caught up again.

God, d-do I need to take more Adderall,

or am I taking too much Adderall?

♪♪

Man, really shouldn't have gone with swords.

I know. My wrists are killing me.

Flame-throwers next time, for sure.

Can I get a laser whip?

Okay, but there's no way you don't chop your dick off.

Sum Sum, come with us if you want to live...

at a lower standard than this, I guess.

God damn.

Empress, is everything alright?Ummm...

seize them!

Seize them?! What?!

Summer, you bitch!You gotta be kidding me!

♪ Nobody knows the trouble I've seen ♪

You know that song, Rick?

From the -- When the prisoners sing it?

Come on, Morty, for fuck's sake.

It's my jail time. I-I can spend it however I want.

[ Harmonica playing ]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy! Hey, hey, hey!

Not in here! Not in here!

Aw... Gimme that.

Leave us.

What the fuck took you so long?!

You left me here.We didn't know you were with us!

Do you know how much shit I've had to deal with?

You're in a cape, Summer.

How bad could it be?

No bad story ends with a cape.

You don't know anything about my story.

"I couldn't help but wonder, was Gharkhul really capable

of consuming a living sun,

or was I simply getting too close to Gharkhul?

Was Gharkhul consuming me?"

Rick, can we listen to something else?

Quiet! She's just about to summon Gharkhul.

She's been talking about summoning Gharkhul

for three episodes, Summer.

Wait a minute, what's that in your mouth?

It's a toothpick.

I'm a toothpicker now. Get used to it.

God, are you that desperate for a thing?

It ismy thing.

Just like yours is dying alone and yours is jerking off.

At least jerking off tracks for my character, you know?

I like to jerk off. I'm 14. I own it.

Well, I jerk off, too!Alright, stop.

Jesus Chris, I don't wanna think about that shit.

Summer, keep your toothpick.Gross!

Morty, stop talking to your sister about jerking off.

Everyone pretend podcasting isn't boring.

[ Creature cawing ]

Whoa, Morty, look how wet this egg is.

I dunno, Rick. That looks a little too wet.

D-Don't touch it.Oh, I'm gonna touch it.

Why are you guys screaming at an egg?

Shut up, Summer! Just let us look at an egg!

Yeah, Summer, shut the fuck up.

Fucking shit.Nobody wants you here.

You know, sometimes we like to go on adventures

and look at wet eggs, you know?Can we just go?

This place is giving me the creeps.

Holy shit. I love this egg.

Hey, look, mine's doing it, too.

Are you guys sure that's safe?

Oh, my God!

[ Screeches ]

All is Glorzo.

All is Glorzo.

[ Screeches ]

-God. -God.

God? She has a toothpick.

Take it out and put her face in an egg.

-God. -God.

For fuck's sake, how long have you been hatched?

30 seconds?

I've been alive seven minutes.

Think before you -- -Excuse me, seven minutes?

Uh, I've been here for 29 minutes.

But yes, take the toothpick out of her mouth.

Suck on her face this instant and use her body to --

[ Screams ]

What was that?

That is called responsibility.

He was part of our greatest generation.

He understood that what you need to do is suck on a face,

shit an egg, and die.

Wait, so, all you do is live half an hour,

shit eggs, and die?

Yes. We love it.

I'll do it right now.

[ Grunting ]

[ Screams ]

Okay, you guys don't have to listen to me,

but I vote you don't do that?

And who's up for changing things around here?

♪♪

♪ Well, I was hatched from an egg laid by some guy ♪

♪ 'Cause that is Glorzo's way

♪ And then it came time to lay my own egg and die ♪

♪ But Summer, she said

♪ "Hey, Glorzo wants you to stay" ♪

♪ Glory to Glorzo

♪ Means glory to me

♪ If we're only making eggs

♪ Are we ever making Glorzo free? ♪

Alright, look, uh, this shit's been brewing for a while.

I'm not gonna win any popularity contests by saying it,

but here's -- here's the world as I see it.

♪ And for all we know Everything we've known ♪

♪ Is just some shit we made up ♪

♪ Glory to Glorzo

♪ Means glory to me

♪ We got too many eggs and not enough society ♪

I mean, look, we are designed to suck on faces and lay eggs.

Life is life, and that's the way it goes.

♪♪

Hello, Troy. Hello, Jez.

How is it going?Really good, commander.

Should be ready by tomorrow.

That is what I like to hear.

Great work, Glory to Glorzo.

Honestly, Summer, I can't thank you enough.

When we met, we were just shitting eggs in a cave,

but you showed us life is about more than that.

It is about living.

And now, with these missiles,

we will be able to reach the entire universe.

We say it all the time, but I guess all is Glorzo.

Yeah, that sounds great.

And you've been great. Yeah.

You've been so great that I've been thinking

maybe it's time for you to get off my brother.

Who's your brother?

Oh, this?

Forgot he was there, haha.

Wait. What are you saying?

I'm saying that you've been great, Steve,

but we've been thinking it's time for a new chapter.

We? Uh, this is Shane.

He'll be handling the day-to-day.

It's an honor to meet you, sir.

I might only be two minutes old, but I know you're a legend.

She doesn't care about us.

She just wants her fuckin' host back.

I don't know what to do.Oh, now you want my help.

Too late for that.Come on, man.

What is this shit?

You don't get to do this to me.

We were in eggs together.

Oh, fuck since we were in eggs.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, now you respect, like,

the biological institutions now?

Fuck you. All you care about

is "progress" and society and skyscrapers.

You don't care about fuckin' biology.

Oh, yeah, well, what the fuck?

You -- How you you haven't laid and egg inside this old man yet?

Because I do what I want.

Because someone's gotta stand up for what's right.

Why do you hate her so much?

Because she took you away from me!

Whoa, man. Jesus Christ.

No, I-I didn't, I --Whoa, whoa, whoa. No.

It's cool.

I feel the same way.

Oh, my God, I...

I wish we could suck on each other.

I wanna suck on you, too.I'm gonna suck you so hard.

Suck me. C-C-Can we do this?

A-A-Are we allowed to do this?

I don't care. I just want you.

Fuck all of this.

Let's just get the hell outta here

and be whatever the fuck we want.

That's evolution. That's progress.

I want a family. Can we have a family.

Yeah.

-Aah, aah! -[ Screeches ]

Oh, my God.

Holy shit. Oh.

What are -- What are these things?!Do I look like I know?

Hey, wait a second. How'd you know that last part?

You weren't there for that.I had to fill in some gaps.

Everyone around the office knew about Steve and Bruce.

I've got a plan, okay. You just have to follow my lead.

The punishment is...

death.Motherfucker. Summer!

You said you had a plan!Silence.

The council of Glorzos has spoken.

More like council of shit.

Glorzo is law.Silence.

The punishment is death.

By... getting into their car.

Summer? Shut up.

Yes, place them in the car.

Those pieces of shit.

No, no, no! This is like torture.

No, I-I-I-I hate being in my car.

You deserve it, you pieces of shit.

And to make sure the sentence is passed,

I shall be joining them.

In the car.

And we shall drive away from here and die.

Oooookay.

Guess what, everybody.

It's me, the whiny guy you never want to hear from.

She's trying to escape with her family.

My time to shine.

Execute her.

Okay, plan B. Morty, now.

[ Harmonica plays ]

Aah!

Jesus, Morty, that sucks.

Alright, stop playing, Morty.

I-I got this.

[ Harmonica plays over speakers ]

Aah!

[ Glorzos gasping, screaming ]

Glorzo: This is what we get for evolving?

Sorry! Sorry.

I-I'm sorry. We -- We -- We thought you were evil.

Why would you think that?

We had a giant tower that blared "Glorzo is peace."

I know. I -- Should -- Should we help?

-Boo! -Oh, like that's helping.

Got it. Going. Okay, we're gonna hit the road.

You're -- You're just going?You told us to go!

Once again, I'm so sorry for what they --

You're part of this, too. Boo!

We hate you the most.

Get out.

Jesus, Summer, why'd you let these things

stay on us for so long?

I was working with a lot.

Just let me listen to the podcast next time.

Nailed that landing.

[ Grunts ]

Huh. Neat-looking egg.

[ Glorzo screeches ]

Okay, well, I'm not cleaning up this shit.

[ Grunts ] Aah!

Maybe we, uh -- Maybe we don't tell people about this one.

Did we at least learn something?

That we suck and everyone sucks?

I guess that counts.

Later, chodes.

Hit me on the next one.

You know, Rick, I'm sure you wanna jump

into another crazy adventure, but can we just relax

and maybe watch some interdimensional cable?

I'm cool if you are.Honestly, that sounds great.

W-We don't need to try so hard, you know.

Let's just take it easy and riff, you know.

That's what I love about us.Me, too, buddy.

Man: Do you suffer from Alzheimer's?

Do you suffer from Alzheimer's?

Do you suffer from Alzheimer's?

Do you suffer from Alzheimer's?

-Reggie? -Do you suffer from Alzheimer's?

Man #2: Reggie, you alright in there?[ Growling ]

Mm, Rick, do you feel...

Oh, God, I have to shit an egg.

Oh, my God, oh, shit.

Oh, it hurts. Oh God,

is this how we die, Rick? Is this how we die?!

I don't know, Morty. I don't know! Aah!

I don't want to shit an egg, Rick! I'm sorry, Morty.

I'm sorry! It's my fault. It's all my fault!

Hey, you two. Did you --

Beth, your son is dying! Say goodbye!

What are you --Say goodbye to your little boy!

No, look away!

I'm making an egg, Mom. I'm making an egg!

You said you'd keep me more in the loop this year.

Look away, Beth! Daddy loves you!

My ass! My ass!

This is it, Morty!

It's full circle from the pilot.

Full circle!

[ Both scream, fart ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Sighs ]

Oh, I guess we, uh --

I guess we both just had to take a shit.

Yeah, I-I-I guess we, uh...

Fucking gross.

Guys, clean it up.

♪♪

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[ Bees buzzing ]Look at your dad.

Such a dork, keeping bees.

I mean, it's -- at least it's interesting, though.

At least, like -- I wish my dad kept bees.

I mean, it's kind of cute.

Like... your dad keeps bees.

How old is your dad?

He's obviously beekeeping age.

I don't know, I think it's kind of sweet.

Summer, I want to fuck your dad.

Oh, really?