Original subtitles

As the launch for the first-ever mission to Mars nears,

the Space Center, organizes

cocktail parties for us astronauts.

And as Chief Commander,

I am required to attend.

Occasionally we run into an old acquaintance or two.

Who the hell are you?

So there I was,

pressurization to the roof, right?

And the widget hits the metrics component!

You’re our hope, Dave. I must introduce you to Daddy.

You also run the risk of bumping into people you'd

rather forget.

Hello, Dave.

You know each other?

Professor.

I hadn't seen Professor Finger, since my last training medical.

And until tonight,

I had no intention of ever seeing him again.

Assume the position Dave.

I’m going to study your anus,

so you can go study Mars.

Congratulations Dave, you are now an astronaut.

Bon voyage!

Nice seeing you.

Bon voyage.

Yeah, nice seeing you.

Leaving already?

Yes.

It was time to prepare for Mars Premium.

Space travel, involves intense thought

and a well-crafted plan of action.

For example, the shopping list down in Youston's office.

Come in.

It’s all here,

pasta, chips, coke, whiskey, sausage, fries,

a bottle of Downy. And for desert...

My flan!

Come now, Dave.

You know why flan is not allowed in a zero gravity environment.

The molecular structure will liquefied.

Nope! We replaced it with

a melon.

A melon?

But they’re not in season.

We genetically modified it.

It its seedless.

Seedless?

Goodbye, Dave.

Goodbye, Youston.

I’d heard about nervous breakdowns due

to flan depressurization,

but the fact that Youston would lump me

in the same categories as those intergalactic amateurs,

was both hurtful and suspicious.

I became wary of the melon.

Seedless?

If it had no parents, how did it get here?

If it wasn’t born, then it never actually has lived.

And if it has never lived...

Well, I’ll refuse to travel with a dead melon.

I thought it wise to ask for additional analysis.

I want a battery of tests done.

Do you understand?

Everything!

Professor! I’m picking up signal!

Then, give it a pencil.

This melon claims to be the reincarnation of

a fashion designer.

Hello.

Youston here, get down here and try on your new spacesuit.

But...

This melon is simply fascinating,

he’s so smart, so cultured.

The team is crazy about him.

The purity of the lines.

The audacity of the materials.

Fantastich!

This spacesuit is ridiculous, who designed it?

While I was away, the melon had taken control of NASA.

I decided to talk to my superior about this.

Oh, don’t be so obtuse,

that suit fits you like a glove.

That’s not the problem!

And while you are here Dave,

I am pleased to introduce you to your new partner.

Obviously, the melon was in control.

And the vocal synthesizer that enabled him to express himself freely,

didn't make things easier.

Hi, guys.

Your interior designer sucks.

What are you doing here?

I’ll have a Cognac, son.

He freely imposed his eccentric taste on my rocket ship,

my beautiful house.

My life.

One thought kept me in high spirits.

One thing that no astronaut ever escapes.

Sorry buddy, we all had to do it.

Are you sure?

Next.

Doctor Finger’s claws.

And don’t forget Professor,

this season it’s all about Zebra prints.

Thanks for the advice, Melon.

You should visit more often, ma chérie.

Daddy, I have a life.

I can't assist you.

Hey, Dave!

Let’s go, Clara.

See ya.

Okay.

You're up, Dave.

But I don’t have an appointment.

Dave.

A shiver went down my spine.

What did that little fruit tell him?

Wasn’t the Professor sworn to uphold the Hippocratic oath?

And Clara,

since when she and the melon became so chummy?

What caused this sudden complicity?

All that tenderness.

What was going on?

Hello, Dave.

Life is like a shoe box.

You never know what you are going to get,

until you open it.

What are you doing here?

Oh, God.

No.

No, Jesus, No.

Please! Stop!

No!

No!

No!

Every sufficiently advanced technology

is indistinguishable from magic.

Ground Control to Commander Dave. Do you copy?

Ground Control to Commander Dave. Do you copy?

Melon here.

I think commander Dave fainted.

Youston to Melon, where are you?

Describe your location.

Sector B-21.

Near Singularity.

Dave to Houston,

I copy.

God damnit, Dave!

You scared the bejesus out of us. Are you alright?

Do you remember the ending of "2001: A Space Odyssey?"

The Kubrick movie?

Yeah, why?

Well.

I think I get it.

What did he say?

What did you say Dave?

The ending, with the creepy geezer...

Star Child and everything.

Yeah. I get it now.

Corrected and manually synced, by H@w-to-kiLL @subscene.