Original subtitles

Cupcake!

Hide!

Home from work already?

Yeah.

My meeting was cancelled.

You're out of breath.

Yes, I was working out.

On the couch?

Somebody stole my yoga mat.

Hi, Mr. Robinson.

Hey, how you doing?

Good.

I'll make some tea. Want some?

Sure!

Iced tea for me!

I'm ss 0 rry!

Apologies.

It's mega-important. I have to take it.

Sorry.

It's Sophie. I'm in the shoe store.

They have size 67?

- I didn't look. - Check.

Buy them for me.

In red. Great, thanks for calling.

I'm sorry about your line.

Didn't you want to do it again?

It wasn't very...

I don't want to...

It wasn't, was it?

Let's go, I'm in a rush. People to see.

Cellphones off.

What are you waiting for?

Knock it off!

Do you mind?

Move your ass!

Okay, we're good to go.

It's red!

How are you, Jean-Phil?

My voicemail.

You good?

No messages.

- What's up, baby? - Michele's expecting me.

No, she's with somebody.

I'm done. Show her in.

I can wait.

Definitely not.

Come on in.

Listen...

Sabine.

Not sardine? Are you sure?

How are you?

I'm an agent, not a magician.

Right now, they don't want you. They have a headache.

The wheel turns.

With parts,

what comes around

goes around.

Isn't that...

A song?

Don't hesitate to call me.

Actually, do hesitate.

Call Jean-Phil.

Trust me, it's gonna be okay.

How are you, ducky?

Sit down.

You did.

Do you want a drink?

No, not thirsty, are we?

They're gonna start shooting season 3

in the states.

For the dubbing of Jennifer Marshall,

naturally I told them you weren't interested.

What? I am!

You're not interested. Nobody's interested.

Yes, I know,

we're the lead in the ♪1 show worldwide.

Don't remind me.

But no means no.

That's completely stupid.

Yes, it's stupid.

Shit, it's stupid.

But it works.

They came back tails between their legs

and tripled your salary.

Season 3, salary times 3.

It's logical.

Logical!

You gave me a fright.

- You just sign. - Really?

Out cruising again.

The contracts!

Thanks!

You two do that bit.

Thank you!

You're gonna be a star!

Makes me want to puke.

Are you okay?

Noticed anything?

You put on weight?

I bought myself a car.

Only a smart.

Convertible!

Wait till you hear my big news...

Kids, say hello to auntie Jeanne.

Tonight, I'll make pancakes.

Hello, auntie.

For season 3 of...

- Look at my drawing. - That's ugly.

It's you.

How many have you got?

My big news is that we signed for season 3

and they tripled my salary! Imagine season 4.

You can pay the rent you owe.

Hands off the remote!

I'm set up for years.

The series is a hit. Jennifer won't back out now.

Leave the cat alone.

Here, for you.

Repetto.

Thank you.

Honestly, they're unbelievable!

They're so supple.

Stop annoying the cat!

Stop everything, it's dinner time.

Your dad's home.

How are you?

Some stupid prick's blocking our driveway.

Stupid prick? Maybe it's a woman driver.

Stupid bitch, then.

The stupid bitch hopes you enjoy your evening.

- Hang in there. - Thanks.

- I can't sleep or eat. - I'm not in the mood.

I want you so bad.

I said I'm not in the mood.

I want you so bad.

Just a quickie.

Don't let hubby catch us.

No chance of that.

Rtl morning news with Vincent pariso.

Pedro almodovar shoots his new movie in Paris,

starring Penelope Cruz and Johnny Depp.

And breaking news,

Jennifer Marshall, star of L.A. couples,

has decided to retire after a nervous breakdown.

You're kidding me!

I'm not kidding you.

- She's quit. What can I say? - Why?

Maybe she lost her cat or broke a nail.

What the hell do I care?

- What about me? - You...

You've lost your voice.

If I may say so.

What'll I do now?

She's busy.

I'm done!

Come in.

What'll I do?

In any case, the wheel turns, you know.

Take a seat.

The wheel turns. What goes around comes around.

Isn't that a song?

Don't hesitate to call me.

Do hesitate.

Call Jean-Phil.

But trust me, it's gonna be okay.

Sorry, I'm running late.

No problem.

Shall we check the balance?

No, it's fine, thanks.

Look, my college cheerleader outfit.

It still fits. I am so happy.

Awesome!

Awesome.

Go blues.

- Can we go again? - Yeah.

Look, my college cheerleader outfit. It still fits.

I am so happy.

Sorry.

Let's go.

I'm fine.

I'm not fine!

It doesn't matter.

It does matter.

You know what her retiring means?

They'll kill her character off in two episodes.

And I lose everything.

It's a chance to get other parts.

As if!

Audition.

No chance with my voice. I'm Jennifer Marshall for life.

It's screwed.

She'll get over her depression.

What's she depressed about?

She has everything.

Ethan, stop chewing your nails!

It's late. Bed now.

We're enjoying the film!

First sexual similarity with humans...

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I don't know,

do something!

What? Go see herin L.A.?

Jennifer, get a grip! Don't be depressed!

Sure, I'll tell her that.

It's what I'm telling you.

No way!

I'm doomed to go back to crappy auditions.

Inspector garibaldi, crime squad.

I have a few questions...

Thanks, we'll be in touch.

You have a big oil stain.

Use the detergent...

Thank you!

After a good workout...

Thank you!

You don't like my voice? Because I voice Jennifer Marshall?

Who?

Who's Jennifer Marshall?

Are you okay?

No.

You're right.

I'm gonna go there.

Pick up. I can't.

It's Jeanne. Bad timing?

Obviously. It's too late now.

I wanted to say I'm going.

That's great. Going's good.

To the usa.

To see Jennifer Marshall.

- What for? - To convince her

to keep doing the show.

Great. Keep busy.

I'll go see her agent. Goldman, right?

Goldman, Jean-Jacques.

See you.

Tired.

Like in cs/.

No, it wasn't me.

It wasn't me!

Let's be nice.

It wasn't me.

It won't work.

It's broken.

Okay then.

Talk about bad luck.

Maybe a scratch.

You know matmut?

"Insuring your future today"?

Don't understand. We'll fill out the form.

The form for the insurance.

This must be

the glovebox.

It must be somewhere.

That's not it.

Homegirl!

Where've you been all this time?

I missed you, brother.

Perfect.

Great start!

No, I'm Jean-Michel.

Slimane!

Farres!

Where's my $5007?

I have a small cashflow issue.

I'll cashflow you, slimane!

Folks here call me slimon.

- Slimane belboula, you owe me $500! - Stop.

Listen up, farres. At Paramount studios,

there's a good friend of mine called Robert.

You know a guy called Robert?

I swear on my own life it's true.

He's indebted to me to the tune of $500.

Tell him slimon sent you and he'll pay up.

Listen to me, slimane.

If you don't pay me the $500, I'll smash your face in.

Listen up, slumdog millionaire!

Stop hitting the car!

A total fruitcake!

Smooth!

Very funny.

Bottom of the range, like campanile or formula one?

King Edward? That's gonna be...

Easy does it.

No problem.

Thanks.

Yes, I have an apartment. Is that relevant?

Articulate.

Calm down here!

Exactly!

Suck on that, all of you.

Nothing at all.

You're getting a lot of complaints.

Especially you.

I'm with the guy who's screwing up.

I call you when I'm done here.

It's very bad for you.

Especially you.

You're lucky this came to me.

Let go of me!

Let me go, skinheads!

They threw me out, too.

You can't go anywhere in this country

if you're not on their list.

They said 11 o'clock. They're already 16 minutes late.

The airline sandwiches were rotten.

And the toilets! The state of them!

Sorry I'm late. I'm Jean-Louis, your guide.

We had a slight logistical glitch.

- Ready for your tour? - Yes!

Let's go.

I'll take the rear. I'm your other guide, Isabelle.

I've got the rear, Jean-Luc.

Don't turn round. Straight ahead!

Everything's fine. We're a team.

- Tourist agency. - The 11 o'clock visit.

Welcome to Paramount studios,

the hub of international filmmaking.

- Worldwide. - That's what I said. International.

On your left, studio 1,

where they shot films like gone with the wind,

my place or yours and back off, I'm lost.

This doorway, ladies and gentlemen,

is the famous doorway that features in...

You remember, sir?

- King Kong? - Not even close!

The ninth doorway. With Julie delpy.

I'll leave you here and go book the restaurant.

Everybody's hungry, apparently.

Isn't that right?

Genevieve will look after you.

Can we see Penelope Cruz?

- Get a photo with George Clooney? - Sure.

What we have here is called complete Liberty.

Feel free to walk around. Do your own thing!

See you back here in an hour.

M a' am?

When do we eat? It's hungry time.

Look, I need to be on my own right now.

Tonight, can we go to the charity event

with Jennifer Marshall?

We'll certainly try.

What a waste! We've plundered the planet.

Makes me sick!

Slimane, buddy!

- Farres! - What's up?

- You got in? - As always.

It's great to see you here.

- I went by Paramount studios. - And?

I saw Robert.

- He gave you the cash? - No, he said you owed him.

Shit, he's playing both of us.

Look, you vermin. Give me my money or I'll club you.

Come back here.

Pain in the ass!

You make it.

Way off track.

I'm not interested. I don't give a damn about that.

I adore France.

Seven is tiny.

Shorty!

You know Jennifer Marshall?

Nobody.

Beat-it.

Thanks, homie.

What?

I'm your driver.

We said so. You're showing us up.

How'd I do that?

Thanks. Just perfect, beat-it.

Not you. You stay in the car.

You're my driver.

Move it, I'm a busy man.

I'll have wine.

It's grapes. You know, grapes.

So 5 fruit and veg a day.

Right.

Don't let the jerk ruin our career.

To get closure on your relationship. It's therapeutic.

Sorry, this is a rental.

These are rentals, too.

Classy, huh? Crocodiles.

How'd you get into the party?

How do you know Jennifer? Are you in the business?

I voice her in France.

Jeez, four cigarette lighters! Check it out!

She quit, so I flew over to change her mind.

That really is a dumb-ass idea.

A hopeless exercise.

What are you doing in L.A.?

What?

Business trip.

Business...

Trip.

That's my place.

That hotel there?

I'll give you my number.

Thanks. Cool.

Give it to Jennifer.

- In case she needs a manager. - Okay, I will.

See you.

The trick for getting into a party. Ask for David.

The organizer or dj is always called David.

The goons on the door can never reach him,

so they let you in.

Got it.

See you.

You got $20? For the tip.

I have 10. Is 10 enough?

That's just fine.

I asked for 20, so you owe me 10, right?

Yeah.

I owe you 10, so we're quits.

See you.

It's insulting.

Work it out. It's not normal.

Make-upping.

What the hell!

Jordan!

All my stuff's soaked!

This hotel's a complete dump!

It doesn't matter.

Even so, everything's soaked.

I have no clothes or shoes to wear!

It's avant-garde.

It's pre-avant-garde.

Get with it, girls.

Really?

So you speak some French?

A little bit.

I know that...

Of course!

We're not gonna shake hands, karlito!

How long's it been? Ages.

Still got the hair?

We met before we were born. Simple.

How are the kids?

You know this nut?

"You know this nut"?

A laugh a minute. Tweed suits are in, Karl.

- I'll pay back the money you wired. - Sure.

You'll never guess where I am. In Jennifer's closet.

Suck it up.

I want photos of you in Brad's bed.

I'll tell you about it. How are you doing?

Pushing hard.

- The kids? - No, me!

Push!

- You have to push. - I am pushing!

I'll hang up. I can't hear a thing.

Big kiss.

It doesn't look it.

I'm sculpted.

She is scary, isn't she?

Maybe he's really upset.

I'm not judging you.

It's your life.

Anyway, it's a nice souvenir.

He won't.

At his house?

It's perfect.

The heist of the century.

No security,

no cameras.

A totally deserted spot.

The federal reserve?

A kid's piggy bank in comparison.

There it is!

The bubble gum?

There's a ton of cash inside.

You're shitting me! All these miles for bubble gum?

Your phone!

Get it, I'm not letting go.

It's Jeanne, Jennifer's friend. We met at Paramount and all that.

The yellow car.

I need to get into a party tonight.

Don't care!

I'm going to an exclusive party to get Jennifer's sextape back.

Screw her sextape, I'm busy.

Hang up.

Very nice.

- How much is that sextape worth? - 1 don't know. $100,000!

I'll ask again.

How much is Jennifer's sextape worth?

$100,000.

You forgot to say hi.

You're a lifesaver, honestly.

- I have to get that tape back. - I'm here.

What do we do with it?

Give it to Jennifer to destroy it.

If it gets out, it'll be terrible for her.

Terrible!

How can he do it?

It's obscene. It's vulgar. Honestly, I...

To think bastards exploit people's intimacy like that,

it revolts me.

Don't worry, I'm here. We'll make it right for Jenny.

You have a lazy eye.

- Where? - You're squinting.

- Where? - In your head.

Sure, you squint just like this.

Reminds me of my grandma. She had the same disease.

No way.

It's just that I...

Anyway!

How do we do this?

I get in, then I get you in.

Jeez, cats!

Pussycat...

What are these things? Hyenas?

Fucking hyenas!

Of course.

You're starting to jerk my chain, hyenas.

Really starting to jerk my chain.

There's no point growling.

Cut the growling.

Let's take a sit.

We'll take a sit.

That's right.

Now, we're sitted.

Now we've done that,

we move on to the next stage.

Sleep.

Big ones.

Lethal weapons you have there.

Normal is nice.

Go to sleep, colas, my little hyena

go to sleep, you'll have

some rabbit

mommy's upstairs cooking up a Turkey

daddy's downstairs making

gazelle bourguignon

Easy, tiger!

Are you done?

Miller, you're asleep

your mill's spinning too fast

Miller, you're asleep

your mill's...

Excuse me, ma'am.

Mike, we need to talk. I'm a friend of Jennifer's.

A friend of Jennifer's?

Damn! Get out of here!

We got our wires crossed. We want the same thing.

If she does the show, you do the show.

Two!

What's your interest?

Same as yours.

She works, I work. I'll explain later, just trust me.

She won't act with me again.

She hates me, totally flipped her lid.

She didn't flip her lid.

Give back the sextape and I know she'll forgive you.

I like your thinking.

There's just one little problem.

I don't have it.

You idiot!

I sold it for 50 grand to Jerry flash.

Give back the cash and get the tape.

I spent it. Jesus!

Jeanne.

How do I get to meet Jerry flash?

He's shooting at villa bonita.

He's an actor?

Too right!

What's the movie?

Cheerleader 3.

What happened to you?

Lucky I didn't need you. Thanks!

You got the sextape?

It's gone. Sold to Jerry flash.

What's up?

Cats.

What?

I never saw cats of that nationality.

Where?

They're coming for me.

They're gone. There's nobody there.

It's just perfect. I hate fruit.

A coincidence.

I think not.

On the contrary, he looked very sad.

All alone in the corner. Curled up.

I swear!

He said,

what on earth came over me?

Jennifer's the love of my life. I'm a bounder.

Bounder, he said.

It's over. I think...

Of course.

Unbelievable!

I think I forgot to switch off my headlights.

Can you do something right now?

Send Jennifer a text.

What do you want me to text her?

I don't know. Tell her...

You think your popgun scares me?

Are you nuts?

You say it when you're in love.

It was very, very pretty.

- You're an hour late! - Sorry.

Arabs with bags scare people.

I got shot at by a Pakistani.

It's all there?

- Thanks, farres. - No sweat.

Seriously. Thank you.

Seriously, no sweat.

Come on.

Let's go!

I'm not sure about this.

I look ridiculous.

You look great.

Forget it.

Think of Jennifer.

If the sextape gets out, imagine the disaster it'll be.

- Push! - I can't.

Push!

You bent my nose!

It was already bent. Don't start.

Quick!

Hurry!

Hello.

- Got it? - No.

No sextape?

All this and no sextape! You gotta be dumb to be so dumb.

It's a porn shoot. I'll make sacrifices, but there are limits.

Where are you from? Connecticut or what?

What were you thinking?

Why are you getting so wound up?

I want to walk right to the end. I want to be facing the sea.

To feel sea air and seafood.

There's someone ruining the landscape.

An unbelievable coincidence! Unbelievable!

Oh my god! Man overboard!

- What? - A man's drowning!

I'll get him.

No, there are storms and shipwrecks!

It's cold!

Let me go!

Look at those muscles!

Amazing!

He carries him so easily.

He's not breathing. He's dead!

We're not giving up on him.

Wake up!

Five grand a night and they can't take my bags up.

Abhorrent. It's abhorrent.

I just wanted to say I'm going home. They're back together.

She just has to sign her contract.

That's great. You did it.

Seriously, it's...

Honestly, they...

Give me 5 minutes?

- I'll just... - Sure.

I've been here 2 years.

My buddy slimane said

he'd get me a job in special effects.

He was bullshitting me.

He's Casper on the walk of fame. The jerk!

Come back to France.

Stay at mine. I can put you up in my spare room.

Well, my couch.

I have a spare couch.

A spare couch?

That's an attractive offer.

Sure.

Your lazy eye's back.

Screw youl! I don't have a lazy eye.

I'll fixate now.

I can't help it if you have a lazy eye.

It can be treated.

I do not have a lazy eye.

Maybe you squint, so you see me squinting.

Say thank you.

Thank you, Jeanne.

Perfect!

It sounded amazing.

Super, that's great.

Thank you so much.

My pleasure.

I disgust myself. I've lied to her all along.

She thinks the sextape's destroyed, as well.

- I'll call her and fess up. - Don't!

I'll tell her, then go home.

Don't be silly.

I'm at yours.

I'll wait for you.

And above all,

why's the gardener round here all day every day?

Let me explain.

He's not a good guy.

I swear...

It sucks, you leaving today. I was gonna have a party.

I'm not in the mood.

I've nothing to celebrate.

Before you go, I have something to tell you.

Really?

Go ahead.

What?

What was that?

Nothing.

They're shooting at us!

Shut up!

It's Jerry flash!

Hands off!

We're having a meeting!

You're a total psycho!

I won't stay in this car one second longer!

Stop there.

They won't look for us here.

This country's scary.

I've been shot at twice since I arrived.

They do weird stuff...

Or they don't like windshields.

Americans hate windshields, I've noticed.

They shoot at anybody with one.

It's a tradition, like Thanksgiving and the Superbowl.

Anyway, why was he shooting at me?

Here...

Why him? Why me?

He can't have recognized me.

I didn't even steal the tape.

Isn't this beautiful!

Beautiful.

From Mulholland drive

to checklands drive.

You're the one he was following.

You didn't, did you?

You didn't steal the damn tape.

- You wouldn't do that to me. - I wouldn't.

- You stole the tape? - No, I didn't.

- That's why he shot at me. - He shot at the windshield.

You went behind my back?

Why did you do it?

You know what it means to me.

You did it for the money. You disgust me. You used me.

- You're a scumbag. - What?

A scumbag!

- Don't say that. - Cut it out.

Don't call me a scumbag. I didn't do it.

- You're a scumbag! - I stole it.

There! I knew it.

I stole the sextape for you.

For me?

Thanks a bunch. My savior. You thief!

- What? - Thief!

Don't say that!

I'm not a thief.

Forget it.

Now you're in shit.

Here we go.

Nothing. We've got nothing against you.

Thanks to me.

I say absolute nonsense.

At last, hutch is waking up.

- Irrelevant. - Tell them I'm covered.

You know matmut? "Insuring your future today."

Let go of me!

You'll wind up on traffic duty.

Open the door!

Hello.

I'm c razy!

That's me!

What happened?

Somebody posted bail for me.

No, you look like whoopi goldberg!

You could be.

Farres, it's me again.

I can't get hold of you. I've called ten times.

I'm flying out. I'm at the airport. Call me, please.

In France, without my voice, I'm nothing.

You're a great stylist.

Excuse me.

I'm here.

Do you mind, this is my seat.

Here.

Excuse me, do you mind if we swap?

We're together.

Yes, I do mind.

Please, we'd like to sit together.

I'm delighted for you,

but I paid for a seat with a number.

16e.

That's here. So I'm staying.

It's just so we can be together. We'd really appreciate it.

It's no bother for you to sit here.

In what language should I say it?

- Where are you going? - Paris.

Me too.

Staying with a girlfriend.

She has a spare couch.

Sorry, where's the belt?

Is she nice?

A pain in the butt.

But...

I'm in love.

You're what?

He's in love.

I'm gonna squint.

Hold on.

I need to take a pee.

That'll give you 70 seconds to do kissy-kissy.

When I get back, I'm watching the movie.

Excuse me.

Subtitles: Simon John

subtitling: C.M.C. - Paris