Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

♪ Daydreamin', slipstreamin' ♪

♪ Just floating by ♪

♪ Lazy cello, painted yellow ♪

♪ Playing out of time ♪

♪ It doesn't matter what we do ♪

♪ Tomorrow's always something new ♪

♪ But when the well runs dry ♪

♪ Who's gonna get you high ♪

♪ The world's just passing you by, ah ♪

♪ Old sandals, burnt candles ♪

♪ So far away ♪

♪ California, it's so warm here ♪

♪ Think I'm gonna stay ♪

♪ And every time a cloud goes by ♪

♪ I think about who else is high ♪

♪ So safe and satisfied ♪

♪ But you can't outrun the tide ♪

♪ The world is passing you by ♪

WOMAN: 10 please.

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

I like your costume.

Thanks, I was going to cosplay as Urahara from "Bleach",

but I couldn't find the right hat.

I tried to dye green streaks in it,

but then the whole thing turned green,

so I went with Naruto instead.

♪ You found a note that said we're moving on ♪

♪ But thanks for all the wine ♪

♪ It doesn't matter what we do ♪

Mister Nimoy?

♪ Tomorrow's always something new ♪

Mister Nimoy?

Mister Nimoy?

Mister Nimoy?

♪ And you've got so much time ♪

♪ The world is passing you by ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ It doesn't matter what we do ♪

♪ Tomorrow's always something new ♪

♪ Tomorrow's always something new ♪

Shit.

Hello?

Heather, Your brother's here.

(KIDS YELLING)

Uncle Jeffrey.

Uncle Jeffrey.

I'm your Uncle, I want respect.

Okay look, I brought toys for you, look.

This, I just directed that, okay you can have that one.

No fighting.

This one I just voiced, okay.

And this one I voiced, wrote and directed.

You don't care, goodbye.

Hi.

Hey, how's it going Heather?

Hey buddy.

What buddy?

I don't want any books.

Okay.

I have to feed the baby, we'll catch up later.

All right, I'll talk to you later, bye.

Hey Rob, what's up?

Hey, dinner's almost ready.

Cool, hey can I talk to you afterwards?

For a minute?

Okay, good talk.

(KIDS YELLING)

ROB: I can't, I just don't have it.

JEFF: Just to get me through the summer.

What about NFL Films?

You won an Emmy with them.

Surely they can find something for you.

That was 20 years ago.

Everyone I know there is gone,

or dead.

Just go back to anime.

You're a superstar in that world.

Actor, writer, director.

Jeff Nimoy.

Yeah.

It's complicated.

It's complicated?

You know what else is complicated?

My checkbook's complicated.

Let me direct one of your reality shows.

Also complicated.

You don't have the credits,

you know I can't do that.

If you gave me a show I'd have the credits.

If it were up to me, I would, really.

But it's not, I have bosses.

Go back to anime.

I just can't.

Then I can't help you.

I'm leaving.

Okay.

KID: Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

You okay?

Fine, I just like,

do you have any Xanax?

I have like no insurance right now.

Yeah, left-hand side, middle drawer.

How many do you need?

As many as you can spare.

HEATHER: Okay, well don't take the whole thing.

I need them until the kids are back to school.

Good?

Okay, take those.

Why do you need so much Xanax?

Well I don't know, Heather.

Why would I need Xanax?

Okay well, just be careful.

Bye buddy.

Bye.

What's my name?

Nimoy.

Say, Uncle Jeffrey.

Nimoy!

Leonard Nimoy.

Love you, buddy.

Bye, love you too, bye.

Bye.

Eat something.

(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC)

(PHONE RINGING)

This is Jeff.

MAN: Hello, I'm looking for Jeff Nimoy?

Who's this?

MAN: Kyle Bailey, I'm with Geek Kon.

Oh, hi.

KYLE: Am I catching you at a bad time?

Oh, no.

KYLE: Great, well if you remember,

we had you at our anime convention

here in Madison, Wisconsin about 10 years ago,

and we were wondering if you'd like

to be a VIP guest again this weekend?

This weekend?

KYLE: Yeah, we had a voice director recently cancel

and we need a big name

for our voice acting workshop and director panel.

Are you available?

I don't know, I don't really do anime conventions anymore.

In fact, I think the last one I did was yours,

10 years ago.

KYLE: Well, cons have certainly changed since then.

Oh yeah?

From what I remember it's just a free trip

to meet a handful of fans.

KYLE: Well, true the trip is free,

like all cons we provide your airfare and hotel room,

but you may not realize that now cons do things...

Plus you know, anime conventions,

there's all that handshaking, and hugging.

Lots of germ transference.

KYLE: Well, one change is we supply hand sanitizer now,

so I don't think you need to worry.

Yeah, well unless there's some other major changes,

I think it's a hard pass.

KYLE: Well, I was trying to tell you,

the major change is we now pay appearance fees.

Cons are a lot bigger than they used to be.

How does three thousand dollars sound?

Mister Nimoy?

Mister Nimoy?

Oh, you wanted Jeff Nimoy?

Hold on, let me get him.

Jeff Nimoy.

(UPBEAT POP MUSIC)

♪ Free ♪

♪ You've never been so free ♪

Hi, I'm Jeff Nimoy.

Yes, I know.

I recognize you from your Wikipedia page.

What's your name?

Oh of course, I'm Bobbi.

Hi Bobbi, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Shall we go?

Oh, sorry I'm nervous.

I just have never met a big star before.

It's okay, I'm not such a big star.

Don't be nervous.

Yes you are, you're like the Steven Spielberg of anime.

Okay, at least the Ed Wood of anime.

Can I get your bag?

No, don't be silly.

No, you are a VIP, you deserve the best.

Okay.

Trigun is like my favorite anime,

and Wolfwood is definitely

my favorite character of all time.

When he died I cried like a little baby.

I cried too, when he died I was out of a job.

Of course I prefer the Japanese sub-titled version,

but I don't think that Sho Hayami

did as good of a job

at capturing Wolfwood's essence as you did.

And your voice is much smokier,

which makes sense,

because as you know Wolfwood is a chain-smoker.

You know, that bag is on rollers.

You could just put it down and pull it.

Of course.

Yeah, that's how it works.

Been that way for a long time.

Anyway, what an amazing character Wolfwood was,

I mean a hard-drinking, chain-smoking,

womanizing, perverted priest.

Typecasting I guess.

Wolfwood is 30, or maybe 40,

the characteristic art style emerged...

Oh, Mister Nimoy!

You made it!

Kyle Bailey, we spoke on the phone.

Hi Kyle.

(LAUGHING)

I see you met Bobbi.

Oh yes.

She's quite the encyclopedia of anime.

I'm a bit of a savant.

Bobbi will be your handler all weekend.

Great.

So is this pretty much the way you remember it?

It smells the same.

When you wear the same costume for four days in a row,

sometimes things tend to get a little, ripe.

Yeah.

We call that, otaku funk.

(LAUGHING)

Lovely.

It gets far worse by Sunday.

As will my germophobia.

But I guess for 3000 dollars I can put up with it.

As long as they don't try to hug me.

They will.

They will.

Hey,

can I possibly, can I get my check?

Yes, of course, I'm so sorry.

That's not it.

That I even have to ask.

There you go buddy.

Thanks, I'm sorry.

A little bit embarrassing.

No, no problem, no problem at all.

Okay, so you seem to be taken care of.

Enjoy your stay.

Thanks.

I hope you like your room.

Thanks very much.

Shall we?

Yeah, it'll be just a sec.

The elevator.

Thanks.

Okay so, this is your room.

Okay.

And you have my number,

so if you need anything just text me, call me.

Do you need anything?

Not unless you have any Xanax. (LAUGHING)

Sure.

How many do you need?

As many as you can spare.

Take the whole thing, I've got more at home.

Gee thanks.

No problem.

Do you need anything else?

I don't, but if I do,

I'll call you, or text you.

Okay.

Okay, I've got your number.

Yeah.

Okay, goodnight.

Bye.

You're gonna watch me go inside?

Yeah, I just want to make sure

you get in okay, that's my job.

Sure, okay.

I've been going through doors since I'm 30 though,

so I know what I'm doing.

I know, sometimes the keys are tricky.

Okay, goodbye.

Bye.

Sleep well.

Okay.

Don't let the lady (MUFFLED) spiders bite.

Goodbye.

Bye.

But you're still here is what I'm saying.

I'll go.

I just.

Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Sorry.

You've got a room too though, don't you?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay I'll see you later.

Okay.

Okay bye.

Okay bye.

Go away.

Goodbye.

♪ She's about to cross my mind again ♪

♪ This happens to me all day long ♪

♪ She's about to cross my mind and then ♪

♪ I'm never gonna let her go ♪

♪ Just let her go ♪

♪ It's time to look at someone new ♪

♪ She's just a silly dream ♪

♪ That fades with dawn ♪

♪ Those days are gone ♪

♪ You'll find someone ♪

♪ She did some things that she'll regret ♪

♪ I'm the one she won't forget ♪

♪ She just doesn't know it yet ♪

(ROCK MUSIC)

Hello Madison Geek Kon, how you doing?

(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

Good to see you again.

You too, man.

Did you know you were the first actor I ever hired in LA?

No way, really?

You mean that Arnold Schwarzenegger thing?

Oh my God you remember it?

Of course I do.

It was Arnold Schwarzenegger as,

he was a short order cook.

It's like, put down the short ribs,

what are you doing?

That's not barbecue sauce, it's blood.

You remember every line, it's insane.

Of course man, that was a classic.

Oh my God.

All two episodes.

I'm surprised it lasted that long.

I know.

Do you do many cons?

Yeah yeah, I do quite a few actually.

I do this one every year.

Oh really?

Yeah, I've got some family here in Madison,

so it's a good excuse for me

to get a free trip to see everybody.

That's smart, good for you.

I miss working with you.

You too man, it's been great.

No one will hire me.

(LAUGHING)

Oh shit, that's me.

I gotta go, see you later.

(CHEERING)

Whoa, has it been a year already?

Damn, they'll let anybody in here.

Jeff Nimoy!

Brian Donovan.

Oh my God, I can't believe it.

Dude, what rock did you crawl out from under?

How long has it been, man?

I don't know, when did we wrap

that crappy anime series I directed you in?

Don't laugh too hard, it's still on TV somewhere.

That's why I keep getting invited to these things.

We polished that turd pretty good then.

Hey man, I've been looking around.

I can't believe how the money's changed.

There's like some serious big business going on here.

Tell me about it, brother.

This is all I do know.

Really?

Seriously man, I travel almost every weekend,

and I make a fortune.

Dude, sign me up.

Right?

No I'm not kidding, I need it.

Hello, Brian Donovan.

Hey you.

I was wondering when I'd see you.

Hey Jeff, do you know Nikki Boyer?

No I don't.

Nik, this is Jeff Nimoy.

Yeah, of course I know you.

I'm your biggest fan.

Yeah, right?

Oh, she's being serious.

Oh I'm sorry, that's sweet.

Thank you.

No seriously,

I really am.

Why don't you work more?

Oh, burn.

No no, that is not what I meant.

Oh God.

That's what she meant.

No it's okay, I know what you meant,

don't listen to him.

MC: Mister Brian Donovan.

Oh shit, that's me.

Bye.

(CHEERING)

What do you say, Madison, Wisconsin?

Geek Kon.

So, you're an actress?

Yeah, a voice actress.

Yeah I.

Right.

Sorry, I get a little flustered around celebrities.

Oh come on, you really think I'm a celebrity?

Yeah, you're like the biggest name here.

Get outta here.

You are, I mean to me, anyway.

You should be my agent.

MC: Nikki Boyer.

Oh shoot, that's me.

Nice to see you, I'll see you up there.

Okay, go knock 'em dead.

(CHEERING)

Hi everybody.

Oh my gosh, I am so, so happy to be here,

and I'm so grateful because honestly,

I just want to thank the fans,

because if it weren't for you guys,

I would not be where I am today.

So thank you so much,

I can't wait to meet each and every one of you on the con.

MC: Nikki Boyer.

Mister Nimoy, are you ready?

You're next.

Yeah, I'm rarin' to go.

Awesome, have fun!

Thanks.

MC: He is a superstar in the voice world.

You know him from Trigun, you know him from Digimon,

you know him from everything, Jeff Nimoy.

Oh shit, that's me.

(ROCK MUSIC)

(CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)

You guys, you guys are too kind.

Thank you so much.

Many of you I guess know me from Digimon.

I played Tentomon.

A lot of you also know me as,

Nicholas D Wolfwood from Trigun.

I see we have a Wolfwood cosplayer right here.

Anyway, it's been a long time

since I've been to one of these cons,

and I'm really looking forward to meeting a lot of you,

and signing some autographs.

If you want a handshake or a hug,

on request only, please.

Please bathe.

Thanks.

Jeff Nimoy.

Jeff Nimoy.

Let's hear it for all of our voice actor all-stars, huh?

(CHEERING)

(ROCK MUSIC)

Hey hey hey.

There's the man.

How's it going?

Good, I'm here.

You're over there.

Hey man, how much are you charging for your autographs?

I think we should charge the same, don't you think?

I don't know, free?

Dude, you have to charge.

Believe me, these kids want to pay.

This is their super bowl baby.

And they save up all year,

just so they can meet their favorite voice actor, like me,

and buy stuff from them.

I'm more of a director though really.

I don't know, it doesn't matter.

You've played plenty of voices,

and you've directed the biggest shows, right?

What did they used to call you?

The George Lucas of anime or some shit.

Spielberg actually, but I'll take George Lucas.

Actually I'm more of a Scorsese type.

For a con this size,

we should probably charge like 20 bucks a pop.

Really?

Yeah man.

Nine times out of 10,

they sell it on Ebay to the highest bidder.

You might as well take your cut, baby.

What do you do, just take the money yourself?

Yeah sure, or you get your guest relations kid

to handle it for you.

That's why they're called handlers.

Are you sure this is legal?

Hell yeah.

Okay, if you say so, 20 bucks it is.

Damn, if this works,

I'm gonna sell my autograph on Ebay too!

Oh, I'll be the first bidder baby.

Set it up, set it up.

(BRIGHT ROCK-POP MUSIC)

♪ I'm gonna make you mine girl ♪

♪ I'm gonna take up the bulk of your time girl ♪

♪ I'll be the only boy that's on your mind girl ♪

♪ I watch you walk ♪

♪ I listen to you talk ♪

♪ You play it cool ♪

♪ But you can't fool me ♪

Digi-armor energize.

♪ I'm gonna make you mine girl ♪

♪ I wanna drink up a cup of your wine girl ♪

♪ I wanna be the boy that's on your mind, girl ♪

Yes, you want me to sign that?

Okay.

Right here?

Okay.

Yes, okay.

It's 20 dollars.

Oh, um.

Here, just take it and go.

What?

You want a hug?

Buddy,

there isn't enough hand sanitizer in the world.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Now that I understood.

(LAUGHING)

Next in line.

Say Jim!

That is one bad outfit.

Whoo!

Thank you, I wore it just for you.

I'm your number one biggest fan.

Well, right back at you,

I think I'm your number one biggest fan.

What's your name?

Lana.

Just like Lana Turner.

Who?

Never mind, she's someone old,

like me.

No Lana Lang, like from Supergirl?

Sure, whoever that is.

So I have a confession,

I have posters of you all over my room at school.

There are no posters of me.

Unless you have one of my mug shots.

I mean Wolfwood posters.

That makes more sense.

So, how much is it for an autograph?

It's 20 dollars.

How about a photo with you?

Yeah sorry, everything's 20 dollars.

I don't have 20 dollars.

Come on, please?

Something to remember you by.

Well how much do you have?

Nothing.

I'm a broke student,

about to graduate.

Then how did you afford that VIP pass?

Someone gave it to me for free.

And what did you give him?

It was a him wasn't it?

Maybe.

Please, please please please please please.

Just something to remember you by.

I don't know.

Well, maybe we can

I don't know, barter?

Like how?

You know, trade.

I give you an autograph and take a photo with you.

And what do I give you in return?

You're a lot of trouble.

Maybe.

It's probably best I couldn't do it anyway.

Has that ever happened to you before?

I can't remember,

it's been so long since I've had sex.

Oh come on,

a sexy, famous, looking man like you?

At this convention,

I'm famous and sexy.

Back in LA, I'm George Costanza.

You don't have to be famous to have sex.

No, but it helps.

It helps fill the void, too.

I've filled it with fame, women,

alcohol, weed.

Sounds fun.

Anyway,

meaningless sex just wound up

hurting a lot of people,

especially girls like you at these conventions.

So one day I decided I'm only gonna have sex

with people I want to wake up next to.

That was almost 10 years ago.

I haven't had sex since.

You haven't had sex in 10 years?

That's insane.

Tell me about it,

I'm wankin' it like a spider monkey.

But you were ready to have sex with me.

I know, I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry, Lana.

But this fake fame has gone to my head.

I thought I came to this convention for money,

but now I'm thinkin' I came for the ego boost.

But you are famous.

You have an Emmy.

From 1996.

Trust me, in Hollywood they give out

those Emmys like Halloween candy.

Man, I need a Xanax.

I've got some.

How many do you want?

As many as you can spare.

Thanks.

Jeff Nimoy.

Jeff Nimoy's cigarettes.

You know, even though we didn't like have sex,

this is still like the greatest day of my life.

I almost made love to Wolfwood.

How many girls can say that?

Only animated girls,

'cause you know, he's fictional.

Duh.

I'm not like some crazy fan or anything.

I know you're not really Wolfwood,

but like at the same time,

you are.

My voice is anyway.

I can't believe you won an Emmy in 1996.

I wasn't even born yet.

How old are you?

18.

What?

I thought you told me

you were about to graduate from school?

I am, Madison Girls Academy.

High school.

Holy shit!

What's wrong?

I usually have to be wasted

to get into this kind of trouble.

Thank God I couldn't get it up.

What are you doing?

I'm looking up the age of consent in Wisconsin.

Oh thank God, it's 18.

Still, you have to go, right now.

I thought we were gonna hang out.

No no no no,

we're never going to hang out again.

Don't you understand?

I'm almost 50.

It was bad enough when I thought you were 21.

People will think it's creepy.

I'm me and I think it's creepy.

I won't tell anyone, I promise.

Please, please please please,

if you are my biggest fan,

you'll help me out and forget this every happened, okay?

Lana!

Okay.

Let's go.

God, you sound like my dad.

Yeah, I'm probably older than your dad,

so let's go, chop-chop.

♪ I'm waiting around ♪

♪ Waiting around ♪

♪ For the weather to change ♪

♪ Still never found, never found ♪

♪ Any reason to stay ♪

So I'd like to thank you all

for coming to my voice director panel,

and stick around because in this same room,

if you like voice actors, and who doesn't?

Except voice directors.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And since I'm a voice director and a voice actor

I guess I hate myself.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Wow, big crowd.

But if you do like voice acting,

there is another panel right after this,

in this very room with

myself, and Lex Lang, the man of a thousand voices,

and cryin' Brian Donovan.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Nicknamed so because he makes all the girls cry.

Yeah, daddy.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Hey man, I'm Davis.

And Nikki Boyer.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Who I just met, but I think is

very charming and lovely.

ALL: Whooo!

You guys.

So stick around, and we'll be right back,

thanks again, bye.

(CHEERING)

You want a second autograph?

No, come on.

Hey hey, gal.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Dude, what are you doing?

What?

It's not fair to charge some fans and not others.

You can't sign unless you're at a scheduled session.

Oh right right.

Guys, guys I'm so sorry.

I can't sign now, it's against con policy.

But, I have an autograph session tomorrow at six,

please come by then.

I'm so sorry.

I know, I'm sorry, it's my fault, I'm sorry.

Sorry guys, yeah.

Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

See ya.

Thanks, bye.

You're gonna blow the whole gig, dude.

Very uncool.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's my fault,

but we never used to charge for autographs in the old days.

Yeah, well welcome to the new world, grandpa.

Get it in gear, before you send us back to the dark ages.

Okay, okay, relax.

Grandpa?

I'm only two years older than you.

Yeah, whatever.

Ooh, whatever, good comeback.

No wonder they pay you 3000 dollars to be here.

They paid you three thousand.

Yeah, why?

What'd they pay you?

Two.

Ain't that somethin'?

Yeah, I'm gonna go get us some waters.

Hey you do that.

Yeah.

I like this anime crowd.

I feel tough.

How do I break into the voiceover industry?

You sorta have to move to where the work is.

I mean no one's hiring in Madison, Wisconsin.

So, you have to go where they're doing the work,

and for me, that means LA.

This is for Nikki Boyer.

Was there anybody you wanted to be directed by?

Oh that's easy, there's this guy right over here.

Well Nikki, I'm not really considered a director.

I wasn't talking about you, I meant Jeff Nimoy.

Thank you, Brian.

It's not all about you.

Thank you so much, that's very flattering.

Yeah, I've been directed by him.

He's not so great.

When I did direct you, I agree, I wasn't great,

but I'm only as good as the actors I work with.

Well I'm only as good as the writing,

and the writing was so bad on that show.

Who did that show again?

Oh wait, it was you.

You didn't mind those paychecks

I wrote you though, did you?

This shit just got real.

I don't think I've ever seen this much testosterone.

You saw that much when we used to date.

CROWD: Ooh.

You two dated?

Briefly, on and off, okay?

Believe me, it's still on.

Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss...

You guys want me to kiss him?

CROWD: Kiss, kiss, kiss.

All right.

CROWD: Ooh.

(CROWD CHEERING)

(ROCK MUSIC)

Yeah, it was nice meeting you.

We're gonna mingle a little bit more,

and we'll see you later.

Can I get a hug?

Sure.

I can die now.

Okay, you do that, bye-bye.

I hate these Meet and Greets.

Why should we have to work overtime?

Because they pay us good money

to meet like this, one-on-one.

Yeah well, I'm not seeing any of it.

Yeah you are, they pay to be here.

Not enough.

I wouldn't get too close to him if I were you.

To who?

You know, Mister Kissy Face.

Oh my God, are you jealous?

Maybe.

But seriously, I heard he plowed

like a million girls back in the old days, on tour.

Like you've never hit on a fan?

A million and one,

but I'm just saying.

Well, maybe he's changed.

Doubtful, I saw him leaving this afternoon's

autograph session with a young hottie.

Obviously a little Con nooner.

Don't spread rumors, Brian.

That's not cool.

Fine, ask him yourself.

Fine, I will.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'll be here when you come crawling back.

Hey, how's it going man?

Well if it isn't Jeff Nimoy.

Oh, how'd you kn... oh, you cheated.

I swear to God I didn't.

How's it going?

- Good. - What's your name?

- Brandon. - Brandon,

okay, how's it going?

Can I get a, oh a club soda please, thanks.

That's it?

Yeah.

Come on,

Mister Nimoy we've got a full bar,

you can get anything you'd like.

Oh, oh, okay in that case I'll have a club soda.

Comin' right up.

Thanks man, I appreciate it.

Hi.

Oh hey, how's it going?

Good.

How about that panel today, huh?

Yeah.

How about that kiss?

Sorry.

No, don't be.

It was fantastic, the highlight of that hour, for sure.

Oh, how much do I owe you buddy?

Oh, nothing for VIP guests,

only the fans and staff have to pay.

Really?

Yeah.

Can I get you anything?

I'm good.

It's on me.

No, thanks though.

Pretty generous of me.

Yeah, pretty generous.

I'm a giver.

So?

So, can I ask you a question?

Shoot.

What's your stance on sleeping with fans?

I'm sorry.

Wow, didn't expect that.

Caught you off-guard, huh?

Well, to tell you the truth,

in the old days I was quite for it.

But now that I'm older,

I don't foresee myself doing much of it anymore.

Really?

Really.

So what about that girl in your autograph line today?

That time it really did come out of my nose.

Are you stalking me, Nikki Boyer?

Maybe.

Okay.

I thought about it.

I thought about it hard.

But in the end it wasn't as hard as I thought,

to turn her down.

Good.

Good.

You know, we met before.

Oh, did we?

Did you audition for me or something?

No, it was actually at a con.

A con?

Yeah, back in Saint Louis, that's where I'm from.

Oh wow, Saint Louis?

That must have been a long time ago.

Yeah, gosh it was like 15 years ago.

Wow, you must have been like a kid?

Well I was graduated from college.

And you were already a voice actress?

No, not yet.

I was attending the con as a fan.

Wait a minute.

My sleeping with fans,

all this line of questioning,

did we like make out or something?

No no.

And you're busting me?

- No. - All these years later.

All right, I'll take your word for it.

But, I was a big fan of yours.

Still am I guess.

Cheers to that.

Anyway, I remember that you stayed

way after an autograph session was over,

to make sure that each fan got one.

Must have been like five hours?

Huh, I kind of remember that.

And you didn't charge a cent,

it was totally free.

I guess it's different circumstances for me now.

I'm sorry about that.

Hope you made a lot of money.

I did actually, like a small fortune.

Well, good for you.

I mean look, it's not a bad thing to charge,

and I do it sometimes when the other actors ask me to,

but I usually end up

giving the money to charity or something.

Well if it makes you feel any better,

the Jeff Foundation is taking care

of poor impoverished voice directors,

and paying their rent.

Can I ask you another question?

What till I swallow.

All right, go.

Why do you need the money so bad?

Oh geez.

Don't be shy Nikki Boyer,

ask me a real personal question next time.

It's a long story.

Maybe after a few more club sodas

I'll loosen up and tell you.

Okay, that's fair enough.

Want to walk around the con?

Yeah, great idea.

Let's go.

Hey man, for the tip jar.

Oh, thanks.

Thanks buddy.

Easiest drink I'll have to remember all weekend.

(LIGHT POP MUSIC)

♪ White turns in ♪

♪ To gray ♪

♪ And I, and I sha la la ♪

♪ Think ♪

♪ You're ♪

♪ Cool ♪

♪ Cause you got a thing I could get used to ♪

♪ You turn me on ♪

You don't really like the fans very much, do you?

No, I do, I do.

They just get a little crazy sometimes,

don't you think?

No not really, I actually think it's cool,

because they're usually outsiders,

and they feel like they don't fit in,

and I'm sure some of them are even bullied,

or made fun of for liking cosplay so much,

but here it's not like that.

I never thought of it that way.

Yeah, you're right.

This place is pretty nice.

I haven't been this relaxed in forever.

Relaxed is good.

Stress will kill you.

Oh yeah.

I've also been a little depressed lately.

Well that's not good.

No, it's like very not good, okay?

Believe me.

Take the opposite of good, okay.

What's the opposite of good?

Not good, that's the opposite of good.

But that's good.

I thought we'd do the greatest tremendous

most tremendous impersonations of all time, okay?

Probably the greatest impersonator ever.

Who else do you do?

I do Herve Villechaize.

Hello boss.

I don't know who that is.

Da plane, da plane!

No.

Fantasy Island.

I think it's before my time.

How dare you?

How dare you?

See, how can you stay depressed around me?

I guess I can't.

I mean, how depressed are you?

Not as depressed as this guy, obviously.

That's him.

Depressed, depressed.

Like suicidal?

- No! - That's good.

Not today.

Jeff?

Well if I did die, no one's life would be different.

People would be sad.

I would be sad.

Yeah, you'll all be sad for a little while.

You know this guy'll be sad for a minute or two.

But no one's life will physically change.

I have no wife, no kids.

It would be like I was never here.

Poof.

There'd be no Digimon.

Of course there would.

I didn't create the show, I was just a hired monkey.

It's a fluke I even worked in anime at all.

I couldn't get arrested as an actor.

Then I booked a cheap little VO job in anime one day,

and then worked it into writing and directing,

then I got Digimon, and I've been stuck in anime ever since.

It's not a bad place to be stuck.

If you say so.

Wow, you are depressed.

I'll be okay.

As long as you're here.

But as soon as you leave,

I'll be depressed again.

Well I guess I'd better not leave then.

Well, be careful what you wish for.

It's getting late.

Let's get going.

Later than I think.

Oh!

Hate you.

Meanwhile, at the hall of justice.

Well, this is me.

Okay.

Thanks for today.

I had a really good time.

Me too.

Wanna come in for a nightcap?

I thought you didn't drink?

All right, you busted me.

You did promise not to leave me.

Oh promise is kind of a strong word.

I just don't want the night to end.

Are you sure your depression can handle more fun?

I can handle more of that kiss you gave me today.

Maybe I'll come to your room tomorrow.

Tomorrow, huh?

Yeah.

But I never said anything about my room tonight.

Okay.

♪ It's no secret ♪

♪ We're in love ♪

(DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

♪ Looks like the straws are finally lining up ♪

♪ Things are starting to change ♪

♪ The clouds are finally clearing up ♪

♪ I've had enough of this rain ♪

♪ And I've been fooled before ♪

♪ Though the light was ♪ (PHONE RINGING)

♪ Spinning around ♪

♪ Then it turned ♪

Yes!

Yes!

♪ So I won't get my hopes up ♪

(CHEERING)

♪ So I won't get my hopes up ♪

You can get some shrimp?

Yes, I can get some shrimp.

Okay well.

He must really want some shrimp.

Voice actors love shrimp.

I think they, maybe they expect that on the set.

All the time.

Well look what the cat from Trigun dragged in.

Hello Kitty.

Good morning.

You look well rested.

Thank you.

Sleep well?

Reasonably.

You?

Very well, thanks.

Although I didn't have anyone

to keep me warm last night like you did.

Are you stalking me, Brian?

No, but I can tell by your reaction

that you were with Nimoy last night, ha.

Ha ha, not funny.

No, not ha ha funny,

ha ha the joke's on you.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Good morning, all.

Hi.

BRIAN: Good morning.

What's up?

Hey, try the sausages, Nikki did.

This little one's the perfect size.

You're so juvenile.

What was that all about?

It's not worth it.

Neither is this breakfast.

Plus I don't see any food handlers wearing gloves.

I have a better idea.

Why don't I buy you breakfast downstairs with my per diem?

Yes, indeed-em.

All right, it's nice to have

some money in my pocket for once.

(LAUGHING)

You were too perfect.

I will have a waffle, and a side of sausage please.

Great, could I get you guys started

with some mimosas or bloody mary's?

Ooh, I'll actually have a bloody Mary,

extra spicy please.

Excellent, and you sir?

I'm good with just coffee, thanks.

I'll be right back.

So, tell me about this new job.

Oh, so it's an interview for a producer

of like "Best Beach Paradises," or some crap like that.

That's great.

So you love the beach.

Yeah, yeah, but more importantly it's a job in reality TV,

and if I can build my reality TV resume,

I can hit up my bigshot brother-in-law

the reality TV producer, for a gig.

- Great! - Yeah.

Well, fingers crossed.

Thank you.

WAITRESS: Here you go.

Thank you.

All right, to you getting this job.

Thank you.

God, I need this job too,

I haven't worked in forever.

Why don't you just go back to anime?

It's complicated.

You don't drink at all, do you?

Well, I used to,

a little too much.

Oh, is that a problem?

It became one.

The slightest little emotional setback,

and I reached for the Jack Daniels.

Hurricane Jeff would come blowin' through town,

destroying everything in its wake.

So when did it get bad?

Oh yeah well,

there was an incident.

One drunken night I broke into this recording studio,

that was underpaying me.

NIKKI: Uh oh.

JEFF: I had the keys, I let myself in,

but I started throwing things around,

messing with all the levels,

but then I went a little too far, even for me.

NIKKI: Okay, what did you do?

JEFF: I took a dump on the control panel.

- No. - Yes.

You didn't?

I did.

That is so gross.

I know, I know.

It was terrible.

I was fired the next day.

The day after that, I quit drinking.

Smart.

Not smart enough.

I couldn't get arrested in anime after that.

That's the complicated part I told you about.

Is it that?

That's real complicated.

But I don't understand.

How did they know it was you that, you know,

left the doodie on the soundboard?

Yeah.

In a way I sort of confessed.

How?

I signed my name.

With the doodie.

WAITRESS: Here is your food, pardon me.

I kind of lost my appetite,

everything looks like a turd now.

(LAUGHING)

You're so funny.

Oh my God.

Leonard Nimoy!

Well, if you have no appetite

then how about we go back upstairs?

And work up an appetite maybe.

Okay, I like that idea.

Okay, let's go.

All right.

I'm comin', I'm comin'.

Hey, no no no, I know a shortcut, I know a shortcut.

Go this way, yeah, yeah.

Thank you for the question.

I really loved doing Word Girl,

but I have to say,

(CHEERING)

thank you,

but I have to say my all-time favorite

was probably Captain Infinity.

Any other questions?

Yeah excuse me.

Hi Miss Boyer, I have a question.

In Naruto, do you think your character Shika-Shika

had a little crush on my character, Rock Lee?

(CROWD OOHING)

Really?

No actually, I think she hated him, and I can see why.

(CATCALLING)

Next question?

No no no, what about when my character

saved your character's life?

Do you think she regrets that they never became lovers?

Actually in the backstory that I created for my character,

they did become lovers,

but in the end, she dumped his sorry ass.

(CROWD CALLING)

Okay, final question?

What does Brian Donovan look like naked?

Well, it's like a bad anime series.

It looks all slick,

but the story line is really hard to find.

(CROWD CALLING)

All right you guys, thank you so much.

I loved this, I look forward

to seeing you at six p.m. at my autograph session tonight.

Okay?

(CHEERING)

Nik?

Hey Nik, come on wait up.

Nik, come on.

Nik, wait.

What, you totally hijacked my panel, Brian.

Look, I'm sorry.

No, you're not sorry,

you just want to punish me for being with somebody else.

No, no I want you back.

Brian that is so messed up.

Listen, I've been thinking, we ended prematurely.

We never gave it a real shot.

But seeing you at the con,

makes me realize you're the one that got away, Nik.

Brian.

Come on.

You know you still have feelings for me.

I, I don't.

I've been hanging out with Jeff all weekend.

Oh, fuck Jeff Nimoy.

You fucked Jeff Nimoy.

Brian.

I figured you guys fooled around,

but I thought.

I don't want to hurt you, okay?

Why should I be surprised, Nik?

You slept with me on the first date.

How dare you.

Yeah well, I'm an idiot to think I was special.

That's not fair.

I just...

It's just what?

I think I might be falling in love with him.

Again, I don't why I should be surprised.

You told me you loved me on our second date, Nik.

Brian, don't do this.

I thought we were friends now.

Oh, God.

There you go.

Hey I'm a huge fan.

Could you relay this.

Sure.

Hi, I thought Jeff Nimoy

was supposed to sign at this time today?

No, that was yesterday.

Today he signs with Nikki Boyer at six.

Shoot.

Do have something you want me to sign?

Oh sure.

I mean what shall I do?

Okay.

So you really like Jeff, huh?

I mean yeah.

Your favorite actor?

Wolfwood is like my all-time crush,

but Jeff is just like.

We're really close friends like,

more than friends really.

Really?

Yes.

'Cause that's not what he told me.

What?

No, he just said you were his new Madison pump.

He's got a fangirl in almost every city.

No, he doesn't sleep around,

he literally told me he never has sex.

Oh no?

Yeah, he never has sex.

Why don't you ask him,

why don't you text him right now?

I don't have his number.

He's sleeping with you,

but he doesn't give you his number?

What does that tell you?

Okay, give me your phone.

I'll put his number in for you.

Never has sex.

Tell that to Nikki Boyer.

They've been bumpin' bellies since they got here.

No, I don't believe you.

They're probably doing the hokey-pokey right now.

What time is it?

Time for his five o'clock feeding.

They're doing it, all right.

Hey wait,

wait your phone!

I can't believe I was able to do it twice in one day.

You're not that old.

No, but twice is a rare occasion for me indeed.

Well, I'm here to tell you from experience,

you can still do it twice in one day.

Thanks.

It's not just age, I told you.

I've been stressed out of my mind lately.

I even started smoking again.

Oh no, uh-uh.

That's a big no.

'Cause I can't be with a smoker

so that has to stop.

I only smoke when I'm stressed.

Take a Xanax, or something.

You want one?

No.

I'm not as stressed when I'm with you.

You're like the best Xanax ever.

I'm thinking about

bottling you and selling you to a pharmaceutical company.

Don't be stressed out about your interview,

you're gonna get it.

I don't recommend going broke in your late 40's.

Hey, maybe you can't work in anime,

but they still love you at the conventions.

Okay, so?

So, like you can make thousands in a weekend.

Yeah, but all I need to do is get invited first.

This is my first con invite in 10 years.

They don't know you're interested yet.

I don't know.

What's there to know?

This is a job, and you need a job.

Yeah but,

I didn't move to LA to be some Z-list celebrity

at anime conventions.

I didn't mean it like that.

It's just that

I came out to make real movies and real TV shows.

Anime shows are real movies and real TV.

Yeah, but no,

not to me.

I can't explain it,

I just, if I did this full-time I'd feel like a failure.

That's ridiculous.

Do you consider me a failure?

No.

So neither are you.

So come travel with me.

Come on.

We're doing this huge Digimon tour,

and I voice one of the leads.

I'm not in it.

So what? Who cares?

You're Mister Digimon, they'd love to have you.

You think?

Absolutely.

Think about it,

going on tour together.

It'll be so much fun together.

Yeah?

Yeah.

- Like this? - Yeah.

Just like this?

Forget Xanax, you're more like Viagra.

(LAUGHING)

Uh-oh, here comes another plane.

(PHONE RINGING)

NIKKI: That's my phone.

JEFF: Ignore it.

They keep texting.

They're just gonna keep on calling.

Let them call 9-1-1 if it's an emergency.

(YELLING)

It's important.

Could I be frustrated after twice already?

What is this?

What is it?

I think you should know I'm also sleeping with Jeff Nimoy.

What?

You jerk!

Whoa take it easy, who sent this?

Oh, there's so many you can't keep track?

Oh my God, that's not what I mean.

Brian warned me of this,

he said that you had a different girl in every city.

That is absolutely not true.

Why did he say it?

Oh fuck Brian Donovan, who knows?

He's probably jealous of me.

In the old days, when we were on tour together,

I was a little rambunctious with the fans.

But that was a long time ago.

I haven't been like that for years.

Who is this girl?

I don't know.

She the girl that you took up to your room

for a nooner on Friday?

What?

What?

Yeah, is she?

Don't lie to me Jeff.

I asked you about this last night in the Green Room,

and you said that it wasn't true.

I will swear on a stack of Bibles,

I did not have sex with that girl.

Did you bring her upstairs.?

Yes but, but, but, but...

Jeff, be serious.

But, but, I told you.

I thought about it, I thought about it hard,

but I could not go through with it.

And, and, I barely even knew you at that point.

It's not about the timeline,

it's about the fact that you lied to me.

A, I didn't lie to you,

and B, it is about the timeline,

because I didn't even fall in love

with you until last night!

Did I just say that out loud?

Shit.

You fell in love with me?

I think I love you,

but I didn't want to say out loud

because I knew it would scare you away,

'cause it's so soon.

That was just during breakfast.

Oh hey guys.

Hi.

You look really cute in that T-shirt.

Ah.

So you were with her after you were with me?

What?

Mm-hmm.

Whoa, slow down, slow down.

Please tell me this is not happening.

I was in love with you!

You said "I love you" to her too?

Of course not, she's just a kid.

A kid you took to bed.

Hey Jeff, please tell me,

please tell me,

because I'm starting to think that you're a sociopath.

Did you?

No, not the way she's saying it.

This feels like another timeline issue, because...

I'm such an idiot.

I'm an idiot.

You're gonna fall in love in a split second,

and then a split second later, I'm getting burned.

I'm not burning you.

I'm the one who's getting burned, I had him first!

What did I expect?

I don't even know you.

You know me better than anyone right now.

I asked you an hour ago if you slept with her,

and you said no!

I didn't.

Only because he couldn't get it up.

You're not helping!

No don't, you're a jerk.

Nikki, Nikki please, I can explain.

Oh yeah, explain it to me.

Lex, what the heck, man?

Daddy, I have this under control.

Daddy!

Yeah, I'm her father, Jeff.

God, I wish you hadn't done this.

Because now I'm gonna have to hurt you.

Whoa, whoa, how is she your daughter?

Because I banged her mother, that's how.

I told you I had family in Madison.

Your real name is Lana Lang?

Yeah, I told you that.

You told me you were cosplaying as her.

Yeah, but it's also my real name.

Yeah, a name that you soiled.

Daddy, I never should have told you.

What did you tell your daddy?

She tells me everything.

She said you tried to seduce her.

How is that even possible?

Oh, like it was that hard?

Now you're saying my daughter's easy?

No Lex, but I mean, come on,

look at the way she's dressed.

She's till a teenager.

Which I found out afterwards by the way,

and technically 18 is legal, I checked.

Who do you think you are, Kevin Spacey?

Nothing happened.

Kevin Spacey?

Look, we made out a little bit,

and maybe I went to second base, outside the costume,

and maybe I felt a little something here.

So early detection, that's a plus.

I'm gonna start by breaking your fingers.

And if that doesn't hit the spot,

then I'm gonna go for the painful stuff.

Pliers, ice picks, whatever I can find laying around.

Daddy, please don't hurt him.

Yes Daddy, please don't hurt me.

Don't you call me Daddy, you're older than I am.

And therefore much more fragile,

so take it easy Lex,

you're a mediation teacher for Buddha's sake!

Daddy please, I love him.

Shut up!

Don't you tell my daughter to shut up!

(ROCK MUSIC)

Hello,

hello, hello, hello, hello, goodbye.

♪ You can't touch me ♪

♪ Because I'm too far away from you ♪

♪ You can't hold me ♪

♪ Although you try oh yes you do ♪

♪ You can't reach me ♪

♪ Because I'm reachin' out for you ♪

♪ Try a little beat me ♪

♪ In the lazy afternoon ♪

♪ You want to fly ♪

Hey have you seen anybody come through here?

Will you sign my badge?

Sure man.

♪ Trying to stay with me ♪

So?

That way.

Thanks man.

♪ Run away with me ♪

Thanks kid.

Considering that I got rid of Lex for you,

mind signing my cross?

You know what?

I got a better deal for you.

Cosplaying as myself.

I am a pathetic loser.

Hey, nice Wolfwood cosplay.

Thanks, Needle Noggins.

He even sounded like Wolfwood.

Hi guys.

If,

if you're here for the voice acting workshop,

you're in the right place.

MAN: Why did you come as Wolfwood?

Yeah, sometimes you just want to be unrecognizable.

Anyway.

Tammy, tammy tammy tammy.

Jeff Nimoy is cosplaying as Wolfwood.

You've got to come with me.

Oh man, I have got to see this.

So one of the things about voice acting,

it's really important to have a good microphone,

otherwise it could really kill your voice.

Speaking of killing your voice,

I think I have a sore throat,

I gotta go, workshop canceled.

(YELLING)

This isn't worth 3,000 dollars.

Okay.

(PHONE RINGING)

MIKE: Mike Leonardo.

Hey Mike, it's Jeff Nimoy.

Hello?

MIKE: Jeff?

Yeah hi, you asked me to call you

about "Best Beach Paradises?"

MIKE: Yeah sorry, I'm trying

to get the kids out of the room.

Kids, huh?

MIKE: Hey Jeff look,

I wanted to interview you for the producer job,

but then I saw your age on Wikepedia, and to be honest,

it's really a younger man's job, man.

Well, I'll tell you Mike,

I can outwork any younger man,

plus you're getting all my experience.

MIKE: I know, I know, but seriously,

you're too senior for this role.

I'd be embarrassed to offer it to you.

Don't be so embarrassed.

I've often taken a lower position

just to prove myself to the company, you know.

MIKE: I'm sorry.

I hope you find something really soon,

something that fits a man with your resume.

Yeah, thanks.

MIKE: Good luck, buddy.

Hey, if anything else comes up in the future,

please keep me in mind, okay.

MIKE: Yeah yeah sure, take care.

(PHONE RINGING)

WOMAN: Front desk, how can I help you?

Nikki Boyer.

(PHONE RINGING)

NIKKI: Hello?

Hey it's me, I just got done with my phone interview.

NIKKI: Don't ever call me again.

(PHONE RINGING)

MAN: Room service.

Yeah could I order a bottle of Jack Daniels,

and a bucket of ice?

One glass.

MAN: Well, we don't actually give a whole bottle.

We can either do an individual bottle,

or we can do a single drink order, up to three drinks.

Would you like something like that?

No, I'll go down to the bar.

MAN: Thank you.

So ridiculous,

it's like hanging out with a bunch of children.

Get undressed.

Oh yes ma'am.

Hey, shot of Jack.

MAN: Hey, food's getting cold over here.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back, too.

♪ Welcome to the unhappy hour ♪

♪ Grab a drink and yourself think ♪

♪ Welcome to the unhappy hour ♪

♪ Contact straight as a whiskey sour ♪

Mister Nimoy, can we get a picture with you?

No, but you can do a shot with me.

Who's in?

Yes.

All right, all right, all right,

all right, all right, all right.

There you go.

All right.

Here's to adventures in anime.

Yeah.

You son of a bitch.

Get the fuck off me.

Hey what the hell?

Jesus.

Fuckin' asshole.

Save me Daddy.

Get back here with my daughter.

I'm gonna War Greymon your ass!

What's up, Green Room?

What's up my man?

Mister Nimoy.

Club soda with lime?

No no, screw that.

You know how to make a hurricane?

All right, screw that too.

Just give me Jack Daniels.

All right.

That's what I'm talking about.

No no no no.

I said, give me the Jack Daniels.

Whoa, that is epic, just like Wolfwood.

Whoo!

Here you go kid, you gotta be legal somewhere.

Oh, that's my girl.

Here you go buddy,

that's all the autograph money I made this weekend.

Holy shit, no way.

Thanks, Mister Nimoy.

♪ Kick to the beat to the beat till you kick it ♪

♪ Making you moan, till you feel like ♪

♪ Out of your mind, ate up my time ♪

♪ Feeling the flow as you flow to the right ♪

♪ Get in the groove and you're steppin' ♪

♪ Till you move till you get it ♪

♪ Out of control hard to hold ♪

♪ Breakin' the mold, now you're sweatin' ♪

♪ We want to make the body complete yeah ♪

♪ We want to get you out of your seat so ♪

♪ I wanna make you turn up the heat yeah ♪

♪ I wanna make you feel like you're out of control ♪

♪ Folks let's party ♪

♪ Folks let's party ♪

♪ Folks let's party ♪

♪ Oh you're making me feel so good ♪

♪ Folks let's party ♪

♪ Folks let's party ♪

♪ Folks let's party ♪

♪ Makin it feel so good ♪

♪ Start with the hips lickin' lips now you take it ♪

♪ Crime is mind and you're stone cold flippin' ♪

♪ Havin' the time of your life start strippin' ♪

♪ Oh yeah now that's grippin' ♪

♪ Folks let's party ♪

♪ Folks let's party ♪

♪ Makin' it feel so good ♪

Oh Jesus.

Wake up.

Come on, time for you to go.

You have to wake up and go away.

Get out.

Hey, leave me alone now.

Go!

God, you are such an asshole!

The only reason I wanted to hook up with you,

was to get back at my father,

for leaving me here in Madison, all alone.

But you're just as much of a selfish,

deadbeat, loser, as he is.

Fuck you, Wolfwood.

(SOFT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

(PHONE RINGING)

NIKKI: Hey, this is Nikki Boyer.

Please leave me a message, unless you're Jeff Nimoy,

in which case, you can pretty much fuck off and die.

Fuck.

♪ Always been heightless since he was in Cyprus ♪

♪ Now he's a full-grown boy ♪

♪ No supervision, drugs and television ♪

♪ Blows up things just to destroy ♪

♪ I'm lost in CD's ♪

♪ Obsessed with the ring in his nose ♪

♪ Sex never-ending the soul shock still pending ♪

♪ We just increase his dose ♪

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

MAN: Jeff?

Jeff?

Hey, it's Robert.

Look, one of my story producers on "House Flippers"

just got appendicitis.

I can get you approved because it's a last minute thing.

Are you available?

Hello?

Hmm.

ROBERT: Where are you?

Madison.

ROBERT: What, Wisconsin?

What are you doing there?

I'm at an anime convention.

ROBERT: Shit, can you get back to LA?

I need you here tomorrow morning?

This is a big opportunity.

Yeah, I'm leaving right now.

ROBERT: Okay.

This could be the break you're looking for, man.

Be at my office at nine a.m. okay?

Okay?

I'll be there.

ROBERT: Are you okay?

Yeah, I just woke up, that's all.

I wrote it down.

ROBERT: Okay.

I'll be there.

ROBERT: Sorry to wake you.

No, it's okay.

ROBERT: Okay, bye.

Thank you.

♪ Please be still ♪

♪ This is your, this your ♪

You're not gonna eat?

Mm-mm, I'm not hungry.

I thought for sure after last night

you'd work up an appetite.

About last night, Brian.

Wasn't it great?

Actually I owe you an apology,

because last night was less of a,

we're getting back together, thing,

and more of a, revenge against Jeff, thing.

Well,

I figured something would change your mind about him.

I didn't want to spoil the mood, you know,

make you come knocking.

You were right about him.

No shit, right?

What'd he do?

He lied about the girl that he took upstairs.

What a dick.

When I was at the buffet,

I heard some fans talking about him.

Apparently Jeff was parading around the con last night,

dressed like one of his characters,

drunk off his ass.

Oh no, really?

Yeah, one day he's telling everyone he's changed,

but he's still the same chain-smoking,

hard-drinking, womanizing pedophile that he's always been.

Just like Wolfwood.

Exactly, typecasting.

I gotta make some changes in my life.

What do you mean?

Look, I have a history of doing this.

I meet these new guys,

and I fall in love with them

without knowing anything about them.

Yeah, but you and I weren't so bad,

and we could be good again.

Last night was pretty good.

Brian, we have to take it slow, okay.

Take it as slow as you want to.

- Oh my God. - Excuse me Missus Boyer.

What do you want?

I just want you to know...

Would you both please go away.

Yeah, can't you see that this isn't the time?

I just wanted to say,

I hope you and Jeff will be very happy together.

Are you kidding me right now?

Will you please just go away?

You have nothing to worry about,

I won't be interfering anymore in your relationship.

Okay first of all, there isn't a relationship,

and second of all,

you and weird-out old man pervert boyfriend,

can screw all the way till junior high for all I care, go.

I told you, we didn't have sex.

God.

He couldn't get it up.

Just stop, stop.

Okay, sorry.

Just wanted you to know we never did it,

and we never will.

I'm begging you at this point.

Could you please just go away?

You know, I would have thought,

after he was so drunk last night

that he would have at least like touched me, you know?

Wait, so you guys did not have sex last night?

No.

And he was also crying, whispering your name.

He did?

Pathetic.

How sweet.

He could have at least sighed

one of those morning sighs.

Oh okay, right, we're done, bye.

You know, I told him that I did it

just to get back at my dad, but like,

I think I really did like him.

You know like, probably not love.

But I love the idea of him, you know like,

a celebrity and all.

(MUFFLED)

Sorry.

Okay.

Hold on.

If you didn't have sex with him,

then why did you text me that you did?

Can you please go away, you're upsetting Miss Boyer.

I never texted you.

I don't have your number.

You want me to get security?

No, it's fine.

Yeah you did.

I actually have it right here.

I never sent that.

Aren't you Lana?

Yeah, and that's my number, but I never sent that.

Why would I?

Yeah, weird.

Wait, what time was that text message sent at?

Let me get a muffin.

Yesterday at 5:15 p.m.

Does anybody want me to get them anything?

Wait, Mister Donovan,

isn't that when I left my phone at your table?

You were so sweet.

I ran away crying, and he held on to my phone for me.

Anyway, thanks for coming to Madison.

Okay.

You're my favorite.

Okay, all right.

Okay.

Bye guys.

Bye.

More coffee?

I'll pour.

Mister Donovan?

Could we have a picture?

Thank you.

You now.

Me me.

- Thank you. - Thanks,

thanks a lot.

(BRIGHT PIANO MUSIC)

10 please.

I like your costume.

Oh thanks, I was gonna cosplay as Urahara from "Bleach."

but I couldn't find the right hat.

I tried to dye green streaks in it,

but then the whole thing turned green,

so I went with Naruto instead.

Mister Nimoy?

Mister Nimoy?

It's time for your final autograph session.

Mister Nimoy?

Mister Nimoy?

(PHONE RINGING)

Mister Nimoy?

Hi Kyle, it's Bobbi.

I'm just up at Mister Nimoy's room

to take him down for his final autograph session,

and he's not answering the door,

and I called his phone and I can hear it ringing

from inside his hotel room.

I'm here, I'm here.

Oh oh, he's here.

He's here, never mind.

Okay.

I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you I was in the bathroom.

It's okay, I'm just here

to take you to your final autograph session.

Just give me a minute, okay?

I'm sorry.

I just need a minute, I woke up late.

Okay.

You have something.

You got it.

Okay?

I'll meet you downstairs.

Yeah, okay.

Call me if you need anything.

Hello, Mister Nimoy.

My name is Ryan,

and I just wanted to say

what an extreme pleasure it is to meet you,

and I came all the way from Kenosha to shake your hand.

Ryan, no offense but,

I've been shaking a lot of hands this weekend,

and I think I might be coming down with something so,

what I'm trying to say is,

I think I'm done shaking hands this weekend.

No offense.

Perfectly understandable sir,

but please allow me to give you this.

You want me to sign this?

No, that is my mother.

You want me to sign it for her.

No no, I brought it to you as a gift.

You brought me a photo of your mother as a gift?

Yes sir.

Thanks, I'll cherish it.

Well she recently had stage four cancer,

and while she was undergoing chemo,

we would sit and watch episodes of Trigun together.

Wolfwood was her favorite character,

both of ours actually.

It was really the only bright spot

of either of our days,

sitting watching Trigun together.

When we heard you were coming to Madison,

she told me she was going to get well enough

to get up out of her sick bed

so that we could come here and meet you together.

So she was too sick to come, huh?

No sir, unfortunately she passed away a few days ago.

But I wanted to bring you a picture of her.

That way it was like she got to meet you after all.

So thank you, Mister Nimoy,

for everything you've done to entertain,

not only me and my mother,

but millions around the world.

Kid,

I'm just a lousy voice actor,

and I'm a hack writer and director.

I didn't do anything.

But of course you did.

No, kid.

If it wasn't me it would have been somebody else.

But it was you,

and you put your stamp on it.

And we love it.

We love you.

So I can keep this?

Yes.

I'll cherish it.

Mister Nimoy, I know you said

you weren't giving out any more handshakes or hugs,

and I am kicking myself I did not get here

a day earlier when you still were,

but the funeral was yesterday,

and I was wondering if maybe I put a glove on,

if you would...

It's okay, it's okay.

It's okay.

(CRYING)

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

Thank you sir.

(CRYING)

You guys, I have time for one more question

before I head to the airport.

Let's see.

I have a question.

Please, just one question.

Jeff, not here.

Well, you're not answering any of my calls,

so you have to answer me now, you're stuck.

Please, just one question.

What's the question?

Okay well,

didn't realize until now

I'd have to do this in front of everybody,

but okay it is what it is.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for everything.

But I'm especially sorry that I bent the truth,

but Nikki, it was the truth.

I didn't sleep with her.

I did want to, but I didn't do it.

For God's sake Jeff.

Please just hear me out.

I couldn't, for lack of a better term,

perform.

Oh shit yeah, limp dick.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

The point is,

I couldn't do with her or anyone for almost 10 years.

But with you, I had no problem.

(CROWD OOHING)

Look, I've been stripped down to raw honesty,

and I can't do it with any girl that's not real,

and with you Nikki, it was real.

(CROWD OOHING)

Hey look, I'm not oblivious to my reputation,

I know what people say about me,

that I screw fangirls at every con.

That's probably why I haven't gotten

invited anywhere for so long.

But I'm older now, and I'm trying to be better.

I'm a work in progress, like everyone else.

I mean, I'm working it out.

Do you have everything worked out?

What's your question?

Will you please forgive me?

Thank you guys so much for being here, I'm so grateful.

I will see you next year.

You guys take care, okay?

(LIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

So?

So, how did the phone interview go?

Not good.

Well, it could be a good thing,

'cause I reached out to the booking agent

for the Digimon tour,

and she reached out to the people in Denver,

at the anime convention.

They're dying to have you.

And they can give you a few grand,

for this one,

and maybe more for other cities.

You did all that for me?

Yeah, I did.

So you forgive me?

You really shouldn't have been with a girl that young.

I know.

This whole place, it's an ego trip.

I'm flawed, Nikki.

The problem is, is that

I fall in love too quickly.

And you fall for people

who fall in love with you too quickly.

You know I didn't tell you everything

about the first time we met.

I actually asked you a question at your panel.

I said, so how do you break into the voiceover industry?

You know what you said?

Probably what I tell everybody

at these conventions, right?

You gotta go where the work is,

and no one's hiring in Saint Louis,

and you gotta go to LA.

And that is exactly what I did.

And I went from being a fan who attends cons,

to a VIP guest at cons,

and that wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for you.

You matter.

So, do I forgive you?

Yes.

But, we need to start from scratch.

You know, get to know each other slowly.

Work out our flaws,

if this is gonna work out.

That sounds good.

So are you coming to Denver?

There's a slight wrinkle.

What?

My brother-in-law finally came through with a job.

But it starts tomorrow,

in LA.

Well,

I guess it comes down to what you want out of life.

But either way,

you gotta go where the work is.

We're good now.

Don't do it again, all right?

♪ When ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ Lose ♪

♪ The inspiration ♪

♪ Don't give in ♪

♪ To desperation ♪

♪ I think I ♪

♪ Heard you crying ♪

♪ Dry your eyes ♪

♪ And don't stop trying now ♪

♪ Right now ♪

♪ Don't give up ♪

♪ Believe ♪

♪ Who sold the world when it's free ♪

♪ Give it back ♪

♪ Give it back 'cause it was free ♪

- I'll see ya. - Yeah.

I'll see you tomorrow.

First thing in the morning.

Less chipper than that tomorrow morning

- Okay. - Okay.

♪ Things are starting to change ♪

It was Arnold Schwarzenegger

as like the ringmaster of the circus, right?

Ladies and gentlemen,

this next poodle dances and sings.

♪ I've been fooled before ♪

♪ Now the light was on a dirty old ♪

Is there anything I can do for you,

because you seem to be loitering?

♪ I won't get my hopes up ♪

♪ Welcome to the unhappy hour ♪

♪ Grab a drink it's your time to think ♪

Well we never said anything about my room tonight.

My room tonight.

♪ Hey man ♪

♪ Loosen up that tie ♪

♪ No no ♪

♪ This ain't no nine to five ♪

♪ So let's work on growing on down ♪

(ROCK MUSIC)

See you in the morning.

Okay, goodbye.

Okay bye.

You have a room too, right?

Yeah, right next door.

Great.

Mm-hmm.

♪ To happy meals, do you want ketchup with those fries ♪

♪ Shouldn't have been hard to memorize ♪

♪ You're so, five minutes ago ♪

♪ You're so, five minutes ago ♪

It was Arnold Schwarzenegger as a brain surgeon.

Oh yeah, I could put down the scalpel,

and he said, he's the nurse.

Here's a toomer.

♪ Being too loose ♪

♪ Arts and leisure ♪

♪ Rainy day dreams ♪

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