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[dramatic music]
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♪ ♪
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‐ Uh, Professor Von Duct,
the laser is in place
4
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and we're ready to fire.
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‐ Stupendous.
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Begin the countdown.
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Look at that countdown.
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Isn't it beautiful?
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What do you think, Mrs. Havoc?
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‐ [scoffs]
Hey does your cape say VD?
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‐ [laughs] Well, yes it does.
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‐ You know VD stands for
venereal disease, right?
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00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:54,585
‐ No, no, no.
It stands for Von Duct.
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It looks cool.
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‐ No. It looks like
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you're the ‐‐‐‐‐‐‐ mascot
for chlamydia.
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‐ No, I look like
a powerful super villain.
18
00:01:03,196 --> 00:01:06,166
‐ Oh, really?
What's your superpower?
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Having unprotected sex
without revealing
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that you're HIV positive?
[laughs]
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Uh, Professor Von Duct,
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we're about to connect
with the United Nations.
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‐ Oh, wonderful.
Thank you, Kyle.
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Okay, Mrs. Havoc,
time for you to shut up.
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‐ [muffled screaming]
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‐ Hello, Secretary General.
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‐ What's the meaning of this?
Who am I talking to?
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‐ This is Professor Von Duct.
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At this very moment,
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I have a high‐powered
space laser
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pointed directly at the city
of Houston, Texas.
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Unless you cede control
of the world's governments
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to me in nine minutes,
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millions of people living
in Houston will be vaporized.
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I will destroy another
major metropolitan city
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00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:57,119
every hour on the hour
until my demands are met.
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‐ I'm sorry. What did you say
your name was again?
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00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,964
‐ Professor Von Duct.
39
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,055
The world's most powerful
supervillain.
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00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,389
‐ Yeah, we've never
heard of you.
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‐ Well, I've told you
that I'm going
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to kill millions of people.
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Now, are you going to turn over
the world or not?
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‐ [laughs] Sorry,
but the world's governments
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are not going to surrender
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to a guy
with a cape and a webcam
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just because he claimed
to have a space laser.
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If we did that, we'd be
surrendering the world
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roughly 4‐6 times every day.
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‐ Well, then perhaps
you should give me a call back
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in eight minutes
when the city of Houston
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has been wiped off the map.
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‐ Sounds good.
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‐ [muffled talking]
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‐ What?
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‐ Oh, God. Thank you.
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[laughs] It's really hard
to laugh at you
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with that duct tape
on my mouth. [laughs]
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‐ Shut up.
‐ [laughs]
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[mocking] I'm the world's
most powerful super villain.
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‐ You're a mean woman.
‐ Uh, Professor Von Duct,
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we've got company.
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[dramatic music]
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‐ Oh, God damn it.
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Okay, go kill them.
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♪ ♪
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‐ Bang, bang, bang.
‐ God damn it, Brock,
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did we really have to
bring your clone?
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‐ Hey, if I leave him at home,
he shits on the rug.
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Oh, ho, ho. Okay.
You take the two on the left,
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I'll take the three
on the right.
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‐ What? No.
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‐ What the hell, man,
they were unarmed.
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‐ So? We have guns.
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‐ Oh, man.
You just don't get it.
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All right, here we go, now.
Let's do it.
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No, no, no, no, no!
Come on, come on!
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Damn it. God damn it, Havoc.
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I really wanted
to fight those guys.
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‐ Ah, shit,
I'm out of bullets.
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‐ Finally.
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Okay, you go find Kim.
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We'll take care of these guys.
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‐ You know, you can just shoot
them, right?
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‐ You know, I'm not gonna
do that, right?
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‐ All right.
‐‐‐‐‐‐‐ do your stupid thing.
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‐ All right. I will.
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[all grunting]
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‐ Man it's weird to see
two Brocks.
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00:04:06,646 --> 00:04:08,476
‐ I know, right? It's like,
"Which one is which?"
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00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:09,952
‐ Hey, what are you guys
talking about?
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00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,690
‐ Oh you know, it's really
confusing
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when there's
more than one of a person.
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‐ Oh, yeah.
That is really confusing.
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‐ Strange, right?
‐ Yeah, totally.
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‐ For sure.
‐ Very confusing.
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[blows landing]
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‐ All right, don't move.
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Show me where Von Duct is.
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‐ Sorry, Doctor Havoc.
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But we've been given
instructions not
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to do anything you tell us.
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‐ Do you want to die, Kyle?
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‐ I'm sorry,
I have to follow orders.
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‐ Wait, what are your
exact orders?
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‐ Do not do anything
Dr. Havoc tells you.
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‐ Ugh, okay then do not show me
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where Professor Von Duct's
lair is.
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‐ Right this way.
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‐ Thank you.
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‐ [grunts]
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‐ Holy shit.
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‐ Holy shit is right,
Dr. Havoc.
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Put your hands up.
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‐ What the ‐‐‐‐, Von Duct?
116
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,110
How come you never built me
anything this cool?
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‐ Because you're not a true
supervillain, Doctor Havoc.
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You're a joke.
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Now, I'm about to take over
the world, and you can
120
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finally see what a real
supervillain looks like.
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‐ You don't actually
believe that, do you?
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‐ Believe what?
123
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‐ You don't actually believe
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you're gonna take over
the world, right?
125
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,533
It's impossible.
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‐ What are you talking about?
127
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:33,373
You spent your entire life
trying to take over the world.
128
00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:36,636
‐ Yeah, but I know
I'm not going to.
129
00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:38,566
The game is rigged, Von Duct.
130
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Villains don't win.
It's impossible.
131
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:45,281
Somebody will always stop us.
132
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,608
And deep down,
I've always known that.
133
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:53,094
Every morning I get up
knowing I'm gonna lose.
134
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:56,916
But I keep trying.
And you know why?
135
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:59,333
Because I ‐‐‐‐‐‐‐ hate myself,
136
00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:01,356
just like you hate yourself.
137
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,001
The reason why we're villains
is because we're
138
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:07,327
‐‐‐‐‐‐‐ losers,
and the world knows it,
139
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:12,071
and we hate them for that.
140
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,742
Because deep down,
we know they're right.
141
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:19,376
Villains are just people
who think they're important
142
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:23,019
and can't stand that the world
doesn't see it.
143
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:26,546
All this,
this is about two guys
144
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:29,863
who can't admit
what they've always known.
145
00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:34,586
That we are ‐‐‐‐‐‐‐ losers...
146
00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:37,134
and we always will be.
147
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:39,630
‐ Jesus, Darren.
148
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:40,703
[gunshot]
‐ [groans]
149
00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:44,300
‐ Brock!
‐ Ha! I killed Brock Mason,
150
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,444
someone whom
you could never stop.
151
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:48,739
Perhaps I'm not the loser
that you are.
152
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,742
‐ [gasps] Oh, my son.
153
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:51,754
‐ Papa.
154
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,675
‐ Wait. Who is that?
‐ Hi‐yah!
155
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,580
‐ Ow! Ah!
‐ Yah! A‐ha!
156
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,023
‐ P‐Papa.
157
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:01,018
‐ Oh, they shot you son.
158
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,161
A bull's eye shot.
159
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,915
‐ Relax, Brock.
I'll grow you a new one.
160
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,034
‐ He won't be the same!
161
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,925
‐ He'll be exactly the same.
162
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,358
Kim, are you okay?
163
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:14,303
‐ Oh, my God.
Darren, you saved my life.
164
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:18,041
‐ Well, actually, you kind of
saved yourself.
165
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,538
‐ Uh, to be fair, Kim, I also
did kind of save you.
166
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:21,880
‐ Well, to be fair, Brock,
167
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:24,945
you also kind of
gave me HPV, okay?
168
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,605
So how about we call it even?
169
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:29,223
‐ Kim, Kim,
that's not possible.
170
00:07:29,215 --> 00:07:32,285
The agency gave me vasectomy,
like, 20 years ago.
171
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,515
‐ What? Brock, a vasectomy
keeps you from having kids.
172
00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:37,892
It doesn't protect you
from STDs.
173
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,961
‐ It doesn't?
‐ No!
174
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,560
‐ Wait, if you had a vasectomy,
175
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:42,961
then you can't
be Ally's father.
176
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:46,573
‐ And that would explain
all the burning sensations.
177
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:50,036
‐ Space laser deployment
in five, four‐‐
178
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:50,736
‐ What the‐‐
179
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:52,007
‐ [laughs]
180
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,305
You're too late.
181
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:56,106
‐ Space laser engaged.
182
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:59,109
[dramatic music]
183
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:06,192
♪ ♪
184
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:09,523
‐ Holy shit.
185
00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:11,992
He just vaporized all of
Houston.
186
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:16,002
‐ Well, auf wiedersehen,
Doctor Havoc. [laughs]
187
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,226
‐ Damn it, no!
188
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,500
‐ Hello, Professor Von Duct.
189
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,769
‐ Oh, uh, well‐.
190
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,297
‐ Dr. Havoc.
191
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,172
So you're the real mastermind
behind this?
192
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,140
I should have known.
193
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,638
‐ Oh, uh no‐‐actually‐‐
194
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:29,039
‐ We've heard your message
loud and clear.
195
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,942
If you give us your word
that you will not
196
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:33,214
destroy any more cities,
197
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:35,653
we will turn over control
of the world's governments
198
00:08:35,648 --> 00:08:37,418
to your command.
199
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:41,347
‐ W‐wait, are you saying‐‐
200
00:08:41,354 --> 00:09:03,984
‐ Millions of people have died
today, Dr. Havoc.
14590
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