Original subtitles

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

‐ Dear diary, I wanted this weekend

to be time for me and my daughter to get close.

And to be fair, we did,

just too close...

way, way too close.

All right. Got that. Got two of these.

Get this all set up.

Oh, man, this is gonna be so good.

‐ Hey, Dad. Mom just dropped me off.

Ooh, yeah.

She wanted me to remind you

that she doesn't regret leaving you at all, whatsoever.

‐ Okay. Wow.

It sounds like she's having a pretty rough day.

‐ No, actually, she was in a pretty good mood.

‐ Okay. Well, so am I. Because you know what?

I'm gonna spend the day with you,

working on your science project.

‐ Yeah, Dad, I can't spend all day

working on this thing with you.

‐ What? Why not?

Do you have, like, plans or something?

‐ No.

‐ Come on. This is gonna be fun.

Look what I got set up here.

‐ The fuck is this?

Are you baking a cake?

‐ No. Co‐‐come on.

It's‐‐it's a volcano.

It's a classic science fair project.

A little baking soda, tiny clay mountain.

Boom! Lava.

Come on. It's what I did when I was your age.

‐ Dad, I don't care what you and your friends did

during the Depression.

‐ During the‐‐what‐‐

how old do you think I am?

‐ I don't know, like, 40 or something.

‐ What? When do you think the Depression was?

‐ Look, I don't know, Dad.

But come on, a baking soda volcano, really?

I thought we were gonna do something cool.

I mean, I thought this was gonna be

the one time that having a super villain dad

would come in handy, but instead,

we're just gonna make some foam

come out of some shit mountain.

‐ Okay. Well, so wait.

You think it's kind of cool having a super villain dad?

‐ I mean, I mean,

yeah, sometimes, you know,

I'm like, "Wow, my dad is so smart,

"and he's got all these cool inventions.

Maybe he'll help me with my science project."

I don't know. Maybe Mom was right.

‐ Hey, you know what?

I‐‐yeah, I do have great inventions.

I'll bet you we can find you

an amazing science fair project here.

‐ Really? You mean it?

‐ Yeah, yeah. Come with me.

I just gotta make sure I give you something

that's not gonna kill anybody.

[light music]

♪ ♪

‐ What is all this stuff?

‐ This is where I keep all my old gadgets

and weapons that we don't use anymore.

There's a photon laser that fucking Brock smashed.

‐ [gasps] Ooh, what is this thing?

‐ That's my shrink ray.

‐ What? You have a shrink ray?

How the fuck are you not using this thing every day?

‐ Well, I can only shrink things.

I can't make them big again.

You see this car?

I paid $110,000 for this car.

Now, it's a fucking toy.

God, I fucking love this car.

‐ [gasps] Dad, what's this?

‐ Huh? Oh. No‐‐no, no, no!

‐ Oh, shit.

‐ What the fuck was that? Ahh!

Ahh! Dad, what the fuck is going on?

‐ Okay, honey, honey, just relax.

‐ Why are you me? Why am I you?

‐ Look, sweetie, this is a Freaky Friday box.

It takes one person's brain

and puts it in another person's body.

‐ What?

Well, then‐‐well, then put us back.

‐ Well, it's not that simple, okay?

It's a complicated piece of machinery.

We never really could get it working right.

That's why it's down here.

‐ Well, you better fucking figure it out, Dad.

I can feel your balls.

‐ Okay. Just hold on. Let's go get Von Duct.

He can figure this out.

♪ ♪

Von Duct.

‐ Ally, long time no see. How are you?

‐ No, Von Duct, it's me, Dr. Havoc.

‐ Ah. [laughs] No, Ally.

I think I know the difference between you and your father.

Uh, you are a young girl,

and he is a very unhappy bearded man.

‐ Dad, where the hell‐‐ oh, God damn it.

There you are.

God, this place is so fucking big.

‐ You see? ‐ See what?

‐ Von Duct, it's me, Havoc.

Ally and I got Freaky Friday'd,

and then now we need your help to turn us back.

‐ Oh, okay.

I understand, I understand.

Uh, let me see what I can do.

‐ Yeah, and make it fast.

I have a date tonight, and I'm not going out

in this wrinkled meat suit that my dad calls a body.

‐ Okay, Ally, we're working on this.

Can you just relax?

‐ No, Dad, I'm not gonna relax.

This is fucked up. This is so fucked up.

‐ I understand that, Ally,

but I'm not the one who decided to just go around

and start picking up inventions

without knowing what the fuck they were.

None of this would have happened

if you would have just been okay

with making the goddamn volcano.

‐ Fuck you, Dad.

Ahh!

‐ What the fuck did you think that was gonna do?

‐ I don't know. I hate you.

Oh, God, I'm gonna throw up.

‐ O‐okay, okay, I think I have this figured out.

We should be able to reverse the effects,

so everybody hold still.

‐ God damn it, Von Duct,

I'm still in my daughter's body.

‐ Why the fuck are you yelling at me?

‐ Wait. What the fuck happened to your accent?

‐ Oh, fuck.

[laughs]

I, uh, I think I made a mistake.

‐ Oh, shit.

‐ I'm in an even older man now.

[gasps] Fuck!

God damn you, Dad.

‐ [groans]

‐ Still not me, honey.

‐ [screams]

‐ Von Duct, what the fuck happened?

‐ Ohh...okay.

I think I know what happened.

Ohh...

I had it set to switch two people,

uh, but there was three in the room, okay?

So‐‐okay. Now here we go, here we go.

Now I have it set to switch three people.

Everybody ready? Three, two...

‐ Hey, boss, who can do more pushups?

Me or Kyle?

all: Ahh!

[all speaking at once]

‐ You get out of my body.

‐ Everyone shut up.

Now, we are going to figure this out.

‐ Hey, who the fuck put you in charge?

‐ I'm Dr. Havoc, you fucking idiot.

Okay. Now, whose body am I in?

‐ Uh, that's mine, sir.

But...hmm, yeah.

I'm actually okay sticking with this body.

‐ Hey, stop grabbing my boobs, you fucking perv.

Dad!

‐ Steve, hands to yourself.

Okay, everybody, just hold on.

Just let me figure this out.

Now, Von Duct, whose body are you in?

‐ Oh, actually, I'm in my own body, so.

‐ Oh, good for you.

Would you mind getting me back in mine?

‐ Uh, Dr. Havoc,

Kyle's in my body, and I'm in his.

‐ Well, you know,

I think you might just need to stay that way.

Okay guys? ‐ What? But he's a smoker.

‐ [inhales deeply]

[exhales]

It's like a new lease on life.

‐ Okay, okay, okay.

I think I have this figured out.

If nobody moves, this should all be reversed.

‐ If anybody moves, you're fucking dead.

I don't care whose body you're in.

‐ The shrink ray creates a reaction

in the components of the object at a subatomic level,

reducing the space between the protons and electrons,

thereby reducing the size of the entire object

to a fraction of its original mass.

Thank you.

[applause]

‐ Hi, sweetie. What's up?

‐ Hey, Mom. Um, just wanna let you know

that I love Dad more than you and I always have.

Uh, I think you've made a lot of mistakes in your life,

and the biggest one is leaving Dad.

I think you need to take a long look in the mirror

and realize that you've been really

dropping the ball as a mother,

and frankly, as a wife.

Okay. I gotta go. Bye.

[music playing on TV]

‐ Okay, Dad, how'd it go?

‐ We won first place.

‐ Wow! I've never won anything before.

You know, Dad, I'm gonna tell Mom