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[dramatic music]
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♪ ♪
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‐ Okay. Can you see me?
4
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‐ I, uh, back up a little bit.
5
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:28,257
You're too close to the camera.
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‐ All right. How about now?
7
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‐ Oh, yes,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Much better, huh.
Hey, how do I look?
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‐ Fucking awesome.
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Man, just wait
until we make our demands
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on the world's governments
with this.
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Then we'll see
who needs more time.
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‐ [laughs] Yeah.
And check this out.
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‐ Oh, what the fuck?
15
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‐ [giggles]
It's face swap!
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I downloaded a bunch of sweet
Snapchat filters on here.
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‐ Oh, okay.
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Can‐‐can you please
take my face off?
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‐ Okay. [giggles]
No problem.
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Look,
it's Professor Von Puppy.
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[laughs, barks]
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‐ Okay, I'm‐‐
I'm hanging up now.
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‐ [howls, laughs]
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Von Puppy, you want a bone?
[laughs]
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You want a bone to bury
in the backyard?
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Here's a treat.
You have fleas.
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‐ How do I turn this off?
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‐ Wait, I know.
You hit a button right there.
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‐ Dr. Havoc, Dr. Havoc,
we've done it.
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We caught Brock Mason.
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‐ Holy shit. Good job.
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‐ Uh, he gave us good job!
‐ Yeah!
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‐ He told us good job!
‐ Hey, we did it.
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‐ All right.
‐ Pat on the back.
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‐ Whoo!
‐ Do‐‐can I‐‐can we get,
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like, a sticker
or something?
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‐ Maybe.
How the hell did you catch him?
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‐ Uh, we found him
fighting a raccoon
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behind a dumpster
at Taco Bell.
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‐ What?
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Ugh, hold on.
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‐ Angry cat wanted my taco.
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‐ Oh, God damn it.
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This is the Brock clone.
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You guys didn't notice that he
had the mind of a two year old?
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‐ Mm, that makes sense.
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‐ Yeah, he did come
right over to us.
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‐ Would also explain why he
shit himself on the way over.
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‐ Uh‐oh.
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‐ Why he pooped
right in his pants.
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00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,725
‐ Poopy.
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00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,927
‐ God damn it.
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You know, he does
look exactly like Brock.
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‐ He does.
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‐ Maybe we can use this.
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All right. Tell you what.
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Go change him,
and then bring him back here.
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[ominous music]
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Hello, United Nations.
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00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:29,815
This is international
supervillain Dr. Havoc.
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‐ Dr. Havoc, this
is the secretary general.
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What is the meaning
of this call?
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‐ Well, gentlemen, ladies,
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I have recently
come into possession
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of somebody who may
be of interest to you.
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00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:46,801
‐ Is that some sort
of a cat man?
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‐ What?
Oh, God damn it.
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00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,565
Sorry.
Snapchat filter was turned on.
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00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:52,740
‐ Brock Mason.
‐ Brock Mason.
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‐ That's right.
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Secret Agent Brock Mason.
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Just imagine what kind of
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government secrets and intel
this man possesses.
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00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:04,582
I'm willing to bet you'd pay
a lot of money to keep
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00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:07,624
that information from falling
into the wrong hands.
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00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,921
‐ Dr. Havoc,
what do you want?
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‐ Here are my demands.
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Uh, sorry, sorry.
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Hold on. God damn it.
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My demands are simple.
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In exchange for Brock Mason's
safe return,
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you will transfer
one billion dollars
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into my Chase
business checking account.
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‐ All right, Havoc.
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If we meet your demand,
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we need your assurance‐‐
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‐ Dr. Havoc.
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‐ Uh, just one second.
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What?
What do you want?
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‐ We caught him, sir.
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We caught the real Brock Mason.
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‐ Oh,
you got to be shitting me.
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All right,
well, whatever you do,
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do not bring him in here.
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‐ Hey, sir.
Look who we got.
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‐ Oh, hey, Brock.
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‐ Well, well, well, Havoc,
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I guess‐‐wait,
who the fuck is that?
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‐ [laughs]
Uh, funny story, Brock.
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‐ [grunting]
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‐ Ugh. So close.
102
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‐ Papa?
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‐ Oh, my God.
104
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,821
‐ Uh, Havoc, what are we
looking at here?
105
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,786
‐ [stammering]
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How much would you give me
for two Brocks?
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00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:14,820
‐ Huh?
108
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:15,921
‐ Look, I'll call you back.
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‐ All these years,
I've had a son I never knew.
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‐ Da‐da!
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‐ He's not your son, Brock.
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He's a clone that I made.
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‐ [grunts]
God damn you, Havoc.
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Every time I find out
that I secretly have a kid,
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you try to tell me
that you made them.
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‐ Okay, first off,
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00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,266
Ally is not your daughter,
okay?
118
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,944
Kim is just saying otherwise
to fuck with me.
119
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,383
And that's not your son.
120
00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:40,448
It's a clone I made
of your DNA.
121
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I mean, Christ, Brock,
122
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:43,748
it's the same
fucking age as you.
123
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‐ You're right.
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My little boy's all grown up,
125
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but he still needs his daddy.
126
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:53,134
Even grown men
need their daddies.
127
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,996
Come on, son,
hop on Pop‐pop's back.
128
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,166
Hop on Pop‐pop.
Hop on Pop‐pop.
129
00:04:58,165 --> 00:04:59,795
‐ Yay!
‐ Oh, God.
130
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[grunting]
Get off.
131
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,042
Get off Pop‐pop.
132
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,636
Off Pop‐pop.
Uh, get off Pop‐pop.
133
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,279
[grunts, panting]
Oh, my God.
134
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,075
You really are a big boy,
aren't you?
135
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:12,406
Uh maybe we should just
hold hands.
136
00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:14,312
Hold Pop‐pop's hand.
137
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,254
I'm taking my son, Havoc.
138
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:19,919
Me and my boy have got
some catching up to do.
139
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,590
‐ Okay, well, he's,
like, a month old, so‐‐
140
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,619
‐ I wanna take you
to lunch, son.
141
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:26,894
Where would you like to go
to eat lunch?
142
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:28,563
‐ Taco Bell, Pop‐pop.
143
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:29,932
‐ Ah!
[laughs]
144
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:31,770
You really are a chip
off the old block.
145
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,565
Uh, Taco Bell it is.
146
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‐ He's not a chip
off the old block.
147
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:38,139
He's an exact replica!
148
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:41,708
He's like a literal copy
of the block.
149
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:45,954
All right, guys.
150
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,746
So where were we with that
billion dollars?
151
00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:50,817
‐ Where's Brock Mason?
Is he safe?
152
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:52,447
‐ Yeah, yeah, he's fine.
153
00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:54,652
See?
He's right here.
154
00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:00,631
‐ He looks strange.
155
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:02,827
Dr. Havoc, we need to hear
from Brock's mouth
156
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:05,269
that he is safe
and not under duress.
157
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:08,125
Brock, are you okay?
158
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:11,544
‐ Ya‐‐[clears throat]
Uh, yeah.
159
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:14,438
All good in the hood.
160
00:06:14,441 --> 00:06:16,341
‐ So there you have it.
Let's move forward.
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00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:19,013
[indistinct whispering]
162
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:21,212
‐ Dr. Havoc,
we have reason to believe
163
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,684
that that is not Brook Mason.
164
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:24,922
‐ What? No, no.
This totally is.
165
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:27,418
I swear. Tell him, Brock.
166
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,920
‐ Yah, I'm Brock Mason.
167
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,193
I'm a secret agent,
168
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,791
and I love fucking
Dr. Havoc's wife.
169
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:36,858
Cowabunga!
170
00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:39,033
‐ All right, Havoc.
We're hanging up now.
171
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,232
‐ Wait. No. I‐‐I promise.
172
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,570
[sighs]
173
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,212
"Cowabunga"?
174
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,607
You really think
that's something he would say?
175
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:50,709
‐ Uh, to be honest,
176
00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,210
I've never met Brock Mason.
177
00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:58,291
‐ And to end my very first
video diary,
178
00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,685
I'd like to say that,
as a super villain,
179
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,717
it's important to embrace
technology
180
00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:05,932
and always stay one step ahead
of your enemies.
181
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,756
This is Dr. Havoc signing off.
182
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:12,403
What?
Oh, no. God damn it.
183
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,499
Ugh.
184
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,041
[clears throat]
185
00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,096
Hello, video diary.
186
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:40,964
As my first entry,
12966
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