Original subtitles

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

‐ Dun, da‐dun‐dun, da‐dun‐dun.

Oh, fuck. Ow, jus‐‐God damn it.

Heh‐heh‐heh‐heh.

Heh.

Hah.

Dun‐dun.

Da‐dun‐dun.

Dun‐dun‐dun‐dun.

♪ ♪

[grunts]

♪ ♪

Ah.

[sighs]

Ha. Completely undetected.

Oh, God damn it.

These cameras weren't in the plans.

Oh, page two of three?

Where the fuck is page three?

Oh, God damn‐‐ all right, well,

I'll just get what I can and get the hell out of here.

[ominous music]

‐ Hello, Dr. Havoc.

‐ Ah, Super Jamaal.

‐ And this time, he didn't come alone.

‐ Crystal Mynxx. I mean Gail.

Gail. I‐I‐I said Gail.

Ah, you two are, uh, working together now?

‐ That's right, and we're more than just superheroes.

‐ We're the Social Justice Warriors.

‐ And we're here to make this bank vault...

‐ A safe space.

‐ Oh, I see where this is going.

So are you planning to stop me from robbing this bank,

or have I done something to offend you guys?

‐ Well, it does offend me

that you just referred to us as "you guys."

‐ Oh, here we go.

‐ I would prefer you address us

with a more gender‐inclusive term than "you guys."

For example, "you people."

‐ Uh, actually, I'd be pretty offended

if you referred to us as "you people."

‐ Oh, yes. Of course, of course.

Just give us a second.

[both whispering indistinctly]

We have decided that the best way

to collectively address us

would be with the phrase "you all."

‐ Ah. Super.

Okay, well, glad we got through that.

So are we gonna fight or what?

‐ Actually, we're not here to fight you.

‐ We want you to join us

and become a Social Justice Warrior.

‐ What's that, now?

‐ We realize that as superheroes,

we've been fighting against the wrong things.

‐ Think about it, Havoc.

What's the greatest threat to our society today?

‐ A supervillain who's using stolen gold

to buy nuclear bombs?

‐ No, that's nothing compared to what we're fighting.

‐ What we're up against is the greatest,

most powerful weapon on the face of the Earth.

‐ Stuff that offends people.

‐ I see.

Well, uh, you know, kudos to you guys

for painting with such a broad brush.

But, uh, I gotta ask, why do you want me?

‐ Look, I know we've had our differences in the past,

but we think you're a pretty progressive guy.

And for us to really make a difference,

we're gonna need a big team.

‐ Uh‐huh.

How many people are on your team right now?

‐ Well, we're only recruiting the best.

So right now, it's Gail, myself,

and a 19‐year‐old on Tumblr who identifies as catkin.

‐ Catkin? Is that, like, a superhero name?

‐ No, they're not a superhero.

Individuals who are catkin

do not fit in a gender binary.

They do not identify as man or woman

but rather as cat.

‐ Oh. That's fun.

I did not realize you could do that.

‐ That's why we need your help.

There are literally hundreds of other kin binaries

that we need to defend and bring into

mainstream consciousness.

‐ Look, I think it's great that you're out there

defending every cat and dog on Tumblr.

But I think I'm gonna pass on joining.

‐ Wow, so you're just an insensitive bigot

like the rest of them.

‐ Whoa, I'm‐‐I'm not a bigot.

You just‐‐you just said I'm a pretty open‐minded guy.

‐ Yeah, but then you wouldn't join us.

So clearly, you're an ignorant,

oppressive discriminator.

‐ Jamaal, I'm feeling really triggered right now.

‐ I'm feeling triggered as a motherfucker.

‐ Whoa, whoa!

Just‐‐just because I don't want to join your movement

doesn't mean I'm working against it.

‐ Yes, it does, Havoc.

Anyone who is not a Social Justice Warrior

and does not attack any and all offensive behavior,

is basically just a modern‐day Hitler.

‐ Exactly.

‐ Guys. I mean, Jesus.

‐ Whoa. Guys?

‐ Jesus? How dare you

invoke your Judeo‐Christian privilege on us.

‐ Ah. Christ. Sorry.

both: Whoa! ‐ Oh, God. Sorry.

Gah, sorry, sorry!

‐ Trigger me one more time, Havoc.

I dare you.

‐ This is not a safe space.

‐ All right, everyone just‐‐

let me see if I can understand this.

You all, right,

fight against anything that is offensive to anyone.

‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ Well, I'm afraid I have some bad news,

because that offends me.

‐ What? How are you offended?

‐ Well, uh, you see,

and this is not easy for me to say here,

but, uh, my whole life, I've actually,

deep down, identified as a...villainkin.

‐ Villainkin?

What the fuck is that?

‐ Well, I'll tell you, Super Jamaal.

I don't identify as a man or woman.

I simply identify as villain.

‐ Mm.

‐ One whose existence is just

to perpetrate acts of evil.

And I gotta be honest.

Right now, I'm feeling real triggered.

‐ Oh, no. Really?

‐ You two stopping me from robbing this bank is‐‐

it's basically like stopping me from breathing.

Really offensive.

And I'm really offended right now.

‐ I'm sorry, Havoc.

We respect you, who you identify with,

and we want to fight for you.

‐ That's very nice, but I'm just so offended right now.

I really‐‐I'm gonna take all this gold

to a safe space where I'm not so triggered

by how‐‐by how offensive you guys are.

‐ We are so sorry. We didn't mean to.

Would‐‐would you like us to walk you out?

‐ Nope, that's offensive.

That‐‐that‐‐that offends me

that you would think that I need help

from a non‐villainkin.

Whoa. Wow. Really?

‐ Okay. Understood.

‐ I'm also being offended by this door being open.

So I'm just gonna close this. It's very offensive.

Feeling very triggered.

I'm just gonna close it,

because I'm‐‐I'm so offended.

Oh. Closing it.

‐ Villainkin. Damn it, Gail!

How could we have been so damn insensitive?

‐ Hey, hey, don't be so hard on yourself, Super Jamaal.

At the very least,