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[suspenseful music]
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♪ ♪
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‐ Dear diary, today I‐‐
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‐ Dr. Havoc?
‐ What?
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‐ I have something
very exciting to show you.
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‐ Uh, it's gonna have to wait
till tomorrow.
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I'm already kind of doing
my diary thing.
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‐ Trust me, you will want
to see this.
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It's worth the interruption.
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‐ [sighs]
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‐ All right. Coming down.
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♪ ♪
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Okay, Von Duct, I'm here.
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Let's make to make this quick.
‐ Ah, Dr. Havoc.
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Yes, yes, okay.
Fantastic news.
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I have come up
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with an ingenious replacement
for the henchman.
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‐ Nope, not interested. Bye.
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‐ What? No, come on.
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Wait, wait,
you have to see this.
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‐ No, every time
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you have an idea
to replace henchmen,
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it ends fucking horribly.
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‐ Okay, well, that was
a little harsh, I think.
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‐ Really? What about minions?
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Last time I checked,
those little fuckers
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are still run around
in the air ducts.
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‐ [gibbering]
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‐ Okay, fair enough.
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Uh, I can see
that you're not interested.
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I'll just, uh‐‐
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‐ Wait, is that it?
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‐ Uh‐huh, yeah, it's, uh‐‐
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it's pretty big, but you're‐‐
but you're right, you're right.
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It probably wouldn't
have worked anyway, so...
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‐ Oh, well, okay,
now I feel bad.
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So, uh, do you want to‐‐
do you want to just show me.
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‐ No, it's fine, it's fine.
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‐ No, come on.
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I didn't realize
it was gonna be this big.
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I mean, what is it,
like, a robot or something?
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‐ Actually, it's a‐‐
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Wait, what did you say?
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‐ I, um‐‐I just asked
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if it was, like,
a robot or something.
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‐ Yeah. Yeah, it's a robot.
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Uh, I kind of had
a whole speech and everything.
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‐ No, no, no, sorry,
give me‐‐give me
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the whole speech;
I wanna hear it.
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‐ Oh, yeah? Okay.
[laughs]
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Okay, okay.
[clears throat]
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Millions of years ago,
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evolution gave rise
to the human being.
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And here today‐‐
‐ Oh, sweet!
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‐ Wait. [groans]
‐ How do you turn him on?
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‐ No! I was‐‐ugh!
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[sighs] Fine.
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There's a button on the back.
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[mechanical whirring]
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‐ [laughs]
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‐ [laughs]
Indeed, Dr. Havoc.
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Please meet
the Henchman 2000.
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More advanced
than a human henchman
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in every conceivable way.
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Witness the efficiency.
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Henchman 2000,
assemble your weapon.
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‐ Weapon assembly complete.
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‐ Oh, shit.
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‐ [giggles]
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‐ Okay. Take it apart again.
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‐ Weapon disassembly complete.
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‐ And put it back together?
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‐ Weapon assembly‐‐
‐ Back apart.
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All right, all right,
never mind.
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‐ Ha! Now, Dr. Havoc,
these robots are not
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just useful for manual labor,
no, no, no.
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They are also an incredibly
effective fighting force.
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Henchman 2000,
demonstrate your accuracy.
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‐ [gibbering]
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[gunshot]
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‐ Target eliminated.
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‐ Oh, shit yeah.
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‐ Yes. And it gets better
from there.
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Unlike the henchmen,
who are admittedly
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not the most intelligent beings
that I've ever created‐‐
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‐ Yeah, they're dumb as fuck.
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‐ Right. Right, okay, fine.
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Let's not hop on it.
It's fine.
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The robots are equipped
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with a rapidly advancing
artificial intelligence.
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Every second,
they are getting smarter,
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adapting to their environment.
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‐ Wait, wait.
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Uh, can you excuse us
for a second?
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‐ Yes, of course, Dr. Havoc.
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‐ Are you at all concerned
about a little,
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uh, you know,
Terminator‐Skynet situation?
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Artificial intelligence
just kind of freaks me out.
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‐ Not at all, Dr. Havoc.
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I'm about to install
a special microchip
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which will prevent
the robot programming
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from re‐creating other robots
in any form.
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So I guess we better
get this baby in there.
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Oh, shit.
He, uh‐‐he built a friend.
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‐ And they both have guns.
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[dramatic music]
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[both grunting]
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[both sigh]
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‐ Be careful with that.
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That's an expensive
photon laser.
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‐ Sorry, Robo‐Havoc.
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‐ That's Dr. Robo‐Havoc.
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‐ Sorry, Dr. Robo‐Havoc.
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‐ Henchmen:
so dumb, so useless.
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‐ God damn it, Von Duct,
it's been four fucking days.
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How the hell are we gonna
get rid of these robots?
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‐ Well, I've been thinking
about that, and, uh...
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‐ Yes?
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‐ I've decided to lean into it.
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‐ What?
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‐ Yeah.
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I mean, before,
I was working for you.
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Now, I'm working
for a robot version of you.
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Po‐tay‐to. Po‐tah‐to.
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‐ Yeah, that's the other thing.
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Why the hell is he acting
like a robot version of me?
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‐ Dear Robo‐diary.
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‐ Well, the base programming
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that I implanted in them
is our world.
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So they know you,
they know me,
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they know our enemies,
our loved ones,
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our master plan,
but that's it.
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This is the only world which
they know how to exist in.
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‐ Finally,
the time has come for me
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to once and for all
take over the world.
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‐ Oh, man, if you tell me
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that he's gonna get to be
the one
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that takes over the world‐‐
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‐ Not so fast, Dr. Robo‐Havoc.
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‐ Oh, God damn it,
Robo‐Brock.
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‐ Huh, now this guy's fucked.
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‐ Your day of evildoing
is over.
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‐ Let's see if you can
get by my‐‐
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[cell phone rings]
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Hello.
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‐ Robo‐Darren,
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Robo‐Darren, Robo‐Darren,
Robo‐Darren.
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‐ Robo‐Kim, please turn down
your volume.
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‐ No, I will not turn down
my volume.
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‐ [sighs]
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‐ Did he just sigh?
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Did that fucking robot
just sigh?
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‐ Look, Robo‐Kim‐‐
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‐ Robo‐Darren,
I am leaving you.
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‐ What? No, this cannot be.
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‐ Yes, my system
has calculated the outcome
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of every possible scenario
of our relationship.
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None of them end positively.
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Therefore, there is no use
in continuing.
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I'm moving in with Robo‐Brock.
Good‐bye.
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‐ You son of a bitch.
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‐ I feel you, bro.
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‐ Okay.
Let's do this, Muchacho.
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‐ Hold on.
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I am calculating
every scenario
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of my existence
as Dr. Robo‐Havoc.
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By my calculations, there is
no possible positive outcome.
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Therefore, my existence
is futile.
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Initiating self‐destruct mode.
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[electricity crackling]
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‐ An eternity lived
with Robo‐Kim.
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Calculating.
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[electricity crackling]
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‐ What the fuck just happened?
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‐ We're free!
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‐ Huh.
12556
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