Original subtitles

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

‐ Dear diary, today I‐‐

‐ Dr. Havoc? ‐ What?

‐ I have something very exciting to show you.

‐ Uh, it's gonna have to wait till tomorrow.

I'm already kind of doing my diary thing.

‐ Trust me, you will want to see this.

It's worth the interruption.

‐ [sighs]

‐ All right. Coming down.

♪ ♪

Okay, Von Duct, I'm here.

Let's make to make this quick. ‐ Ah, Dr. Havoc.

Yes, yes, okay. Fantastic news.

I have come up

with an ingenious replacement for the henchman.

‐ Nope, not interested. Bye.

‐ What? No, come on.

Wait, wait, you have to see this.

‐ No, every time

you have an idea to replace henchmen,

it ends fucking horribly.

‐ Okay, well, that was a little harsh, I think.

‐ Really? What about minions?

Last time I checked, those little fuckers

are still run around in the air ducts.

‐ [gibbering]

‐ Okay, fair enough.

Uh, I can see that you're not interested.

I'll just, uh‐‐

‐ Wait, is that it?

‐ Uh‐huh, yeah, it's, uh‐‐

it's pretty big, but you're‐‐ but you're right, you're right.

It probably wouldn't have worked anyway, so...

‐ Oh, well, okay, now I feel bad.

So, uh, do you want to‐‐ do you want to just show me.

‐ No, it's fine, it's fine.

‐ No, come on.

I didn't realize it was gonna be this big.

I mean, what is it, like, a robot or something?

‐ Actually, it's a‐‐

Wait, what did you say?

‐ I, um‐‐I just asked

if it was, like, a robot or something.

‐ Yeah. Yeah, it's a robot.

Uh, I kind of had a whole speech and everything.

‐ No, no, no, sorry, give me‐‐give me

the whole speech; I wanna hear it.

‐ Oh, yeah? Okay. [laughs]

Okay, okay. [clears throat]

Millions of years ago,

evolution gave rise to the human being.

And here today‐‐ ‐ Oh, sweet!

‐ Wait. [groans] ‐ How do you turn him on?

‐ No! I was‐‐ugh!

[sighs] Fine.

There's a button on the back.

[mechanical whirring]

‐ [laughs]

‐ [laughs] Indeed, Dr. Havoc.

Please meet the Henchman 2000.

More advanced than a human henchman

in every conceivable way.

Witness the efficiency.

Henchman 2000, assemble your weapon.

‐ Weapon assembly complete.

‐ Oh, shit.

‐ [giggles]

‐ Okay. Take it apart again.

‐ Weapon disassembly complete.

‐ And put it back together?

‐ Weapon assembly‐‐ ‐ Back apart.

All right, all right, never mind.

‐ Ha! Now, Dr. Havoc, these robots are not

just useful for manual labor, no, no, no.

They are also an incredibly effective fighting force.

Henchman 2000, demonstrate your accuracy.

‐ [gibbering]

[gunshot]

‐ Target eliminated.

‐ Oh, shit yeah.

‐ Yes. And it gets better from there.

Unlike the henchmen, who are admittedly

not the most intelligent beings that I've ever created‐‐

‐ Yeah, they're dumb as fuck.

‐ Right. Right, okay, fine.

Let's not hop on it. It's fine.

The robots are equipped

with a rapidly advancing artificial intelligence.

Every second, they are getting smarter,

adapting to their environment.

‐ Wait, wait.

Uh, can you excuse us for a second?

‐ Yes, of course, Dr. Havoc.

‐ Are you at all concerned about a little,

uh, you know, Terminator‐Skynet situation?

Artificial intelligence just kind of freaks me out.

‐ Not at all, Dr. Havoc.

I'm about to install a special microchip

which will prevent the robot programming

from re‐creating other robots in any form.

So I guess we better get this baby in there.

Oh, shit. He, uh‐‐he built a friend.

‐ And they both have guns.

[dramatic music]

[both grunting]

[both sigh]

‐ Be careful with that.

That's an expensive photon laser.

‐ Sorry, Robo‐Havoc.

‐ That's Dr. Robo‐Havoc.

‐ Sorry, Dr. Robo‐Havoc.

‐ Henchmen: so dumb, so useless.

‐ God damn it, Von Duct, it's been four fucking days.

How the hell are we gonna get rid of these robots?

‐ Well, I've been thinking about that, and, uh...

‐ Yes?

‐ I've decided to lean into it.

‐ What?

‐ Yeah.

I mean, before, I was working for you.

Now, I'm working for a robot version of you.

Po‐tay‐to. Po‐tah‐to.

‐ Yeah, that's the other thing.

Why the hell is he acting like a robot version of me?

‐ Dear Robo‐diary.

‐ Well, the base programming

that I implanted in them is our world.

So they know you, they know me,

they know our enemies, our loved ones,

our master plan, but that's it.

This is the only world which they know how to exist in.

‐ Finally, the time has come for me

to once and for all take over the world.

‐ Oh, man, if you tell me

that he's gonna get to be the one

that takes over the world‐‐

‐ Not so fast, Dr. Robo‐Havoc.

‐ Oh, God damn it, Robo‐Brock.

‐ Huh, now this guy's fucked.

‐ Your day of evildoing is over.

‐ Let's see if you can get by my‐‐

[cell phone rings]

Hello.

‐ Robo‐Darren,

Robo‐Darren, Robo‐Darren, Robo‐Darren.

‐ Robo‐Kim, please turn down your volume.

‐ No, I will not turn down my volume.

‐ [sighs]

‐ Did he just sigh?

Did that fucking robot just sigh?

‐ Look, Robo‐Kim‐‐

‐ Robo‐Darren, I am leaving you.

‐ What? No, this cannot be.

‐ Yes, my system has calculated the outcome

of every possible scenario of our relationship.

None of them end positively.

Therefore, there is no use in continuing.

I'm moving in with Robo‐Brock. Good‐bye.

‐ You son of a bitch.

‐ I feel you, bro.

‐ Okay. Let's do this, Muchacho.

‐ Hold on.

I am calculating every scenario

of my existence as Dr. Robo‐Havoc.

By my calculations, there is no possible positive outcome.

Therefore, my existence is futile.

Initiating self‐destruct mode.

[electricity crackling]

‐ An eternity lived with Robo‐Kim.

Calculating.

[electricity crackling]

‐ What the fuck just happened?

‐ We're free!

‐ Huh.