Original subtitles

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

‐ Captain, we're about a mile

and a half off of the coastline.

‐ Excellent.

Attention all crew.

This is Captain Dr. Havoc.

Prepare the torpedoes on the starboard side.

Oh, man, this is so much fucking fun.

Hey, how many knots are we going now?

‐ 32 knots, Captain.

‐ Is that fast?

‐ It's pretty fast.

‐ All right.

Hey, you guys wanna breach again?

crew: Eh...

‐ All right, all right, we'll do it later.

We'll do it later. Jesus.

Ah, what a great day.

I got this super sweet submarine.

We've got some sick‐ass torpedoes,

we're gonna blow up New York,

and we're gonna do the whole thing under water.

Hey, Steve, how far under water are we now?

‐ About 100 fathoms, Captain.

‐ Oh, man, 100 fathoms? Is that deep?

‐ It's pretty deep.

‐ Yeah., it sounds deep.

Whoo! I'll tell you what, guys,

I think this is it. I think this is the one.

I mean, look at this.

We're on a stealth nuclear submarine,

100 fathoms‐‐is that correct, Steve?

‐ Yes. ‐ A hundred fathoms underwater.

There's no way anyone's gonna find us here.

[sinister orchestral music]

♪ ♪

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Kyle.

Hey Kyle, can I use the periscope again?

‐ Uh, we‐ we would have to get closer to the surface.

‐ Well‐ well, can we do that?

‐ [sighs] Yes, sir.

‐ I'm sorry, what was that?

‐ Sorry. Aye, aye, Captain Dr. Havoc.

‐ That's right.

Or else, you'll be working in the galley,

which is the kitchen for boats.

You guys know that?

You know it's called a galley?

‐ Yes, Captain. ‐ Yes, Captain.

‐ I'm the one that told you that.

[ominous music]

‐ You know, guys,

this couldn't have come at a better time.

I was feeling really depressed, you know,

what with Kim leaving me and all.

But now,

now, I'm just a man on a boat with his buddies

miles away from Kim or Brock

or really any of my problems.

[gunshot]

[high ringing noise]

God. Come on.

‐ Oh, shit. My bad.

My bad, everybody,

My silencer wasn't on. Sorry, guys.

‐ Oh, God, I think my eardrums are bleeding.

‐ What? ‐ Ah, shut up.

God, just shut up.

‐ That's right. Everybody put your hands up.

‐ What? What did he say?

‐ What did Kyle just say?

‐ What did Steve just say?

‐ I can't hear anything.

‐ What? ‐ Huh?

‐ Who said that?

‐ Stop yelling.

‐ What?

‐ Ah, Jesus.

[silenced gunshots]

‐ Ah, that's better.

‐ Well, well done, Brock.

Not only have you stopped my master plan,

but you've obliterated my fucking eardrums.

‐ Listen, Havoc. ‐ What?

‐ Listen.

I don't care about your master plan right now.

We need to talk.

‐ Talk about what?

‐ You gotta get your wife back, man.

She's driving me fucking crazy.

‐ Is that why you're here?

Did you infiltrate my sub and then kill all my henchmen

just to tell me that?

‐ Uh, yeah.

‐ Let me get this straight.

Are you seriously asking me to take back

the wife that you stole from me?

‐ Oh, yeah. I stole her.

Yeah, that's right. That was my plan.

Oh, hey, Kim, uh,

why don't you move into my sweetest apartment

and ruin my fucking life?

Does that sound like something I would say, hmm?

Does it, Havoc? Is that how I talk?

Do I talk like that, Havoc?

‐ Wow, I'm sorry, Brock.

I'm so sorry that my wife moved out of our house,

left my life in shambles,

and took my daughter to go

live with a sexual deviant.

I'm so sorry.

‐ Oh, yeah, that's‐‐ that's another thing.

I don't really know how to tell you this,

but, uh‐‐oh, boy.

Kim said that I might be

Ally's real father. There, I said it.

‐ Yeah, that's not true. ‐ Really?

‐ No, I don't believe that for a second.

‐ Oh, God, I hope you're right. Oh, my God.

Because that is a fucking train wreck of a kid.

That kid is a garbage kid. All right.

‐ Well, they're your problem now.

‐ Well, not for long.

Okay.

Now, this is what needs to happen.

Oh, my God. What is that smell?

Jesus, Havoc, did you fucking beef in here?

‐ No, no, I didn't beef in here, you idiot.

It's all of these henchmen.

They shit themselves when they died.

‐ Wait, what? That happens?

‐ Brock, you killed hundreds of people.

Are you not aware that people

evacuate their bowels when they die?

‐ No. I mean,

I don't usually stick around

sniffing dead guy's butts, weirdo.

By now, I'm usually‐‐

I'm usually fucking some hot widow.

So wait, so these guys all just shit themselves?

‐ Yes.

Now let's get the fuck out of here

before‐‐oh, what the hell?

‐ Oh, shit, Havoc. I think your boat has a hole.

‐ How is that possible?

Brock, how did you get on my submarine?

‐ Oh, I‐ I just‐ I took a welding gun

and I popped a hole in the side and then I‐‐

ah, shit, yep.

I‐I figured it out. I did it.

‐ Well, this is great, Brock.

Now, we have to escape from what is essentially

a giant unflushed toilet. [sighs]

So you wanna swim through the shit first,

or should I?

‐ I'm going to be honest. I‐I kinda rather be here

than at home with that nightmare on wheels