Original subtitles

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

‐ Oh, you think you got the drop on me, huh, superhero?

What about now?

Hey, army guy, can you deal with this?

‐ Darren, we need to talk.

‐ Can it wait, honey? I'm kind of in the middle

of something really important right now.

I got ya.

‐ Darren, I'm leaving you.

‐ Thanks, hon. I appreciate it.

We'll talk about whatever you want to talk about tonight.

Got you now!

‐ No. Darren, I'm leaving you.

‐ Thank you, Kim.

I really appreciate you giving me

the time I need to finish my work.

Ah!

‐ Darren, Darren, look at me when I talk to you.

It's not that hard. ‐ Kim, watch out.

Just get the hell out of the way.

‐ Darren, you stepped on my shoe!

‐ Get out the way, Kim. This is really expensive stuff.

Hiya! ‐ Darren, I want a divorce!

‐ What? Wait, wait, what did you just say?

‐ I said "I want a divorce."

Ally and I are moving in with Brock.

‐ What?

‐ I can't take this anymore, Darren.

I'm tired of waiting around while you fail

over and over again at your fucking job.

‐ I'm a super villain, Kim.

I'm not trying to get employee of the month at Foot Locker.

I'm trying to take over the world, okay?

It takes a little bit of time, all right?

It takes a little bit of patience.

‐ What's the point really?

I mean, come on, our marriage is a joke.

We've never even been able to stay faithful to each other.

‐ You're the one who hasn't been able to stay faithful.

‐ [chuckles] Please.

You mean to tell me that you're not sleeping around on me?

‐ No.

‐ God, you're such a fucking loser.

[laughs] ‐ Kim, please.

You cannot do this.

‐ Hey, boss. Uh, we just had a real quick question.

‐ What's the question?

‐ Uh, never mind. It can wait.

‐ All right, now, where were we?

Oh, that's right. We're just about to make up.

Kim, I am sorry that I have been working so hard.

‐ Forget it, Darren.

I've already packed our things.

Ally and I are sleeping at Brock's tonight.

‐ Really, Kim?

Are you seriously telling me

you're gonna move in with Brock Mason?

The man screws more than a fucking minion.

‐ What?

‐ You know what? Here, I'll show you.

♪ ♪

This is a live feed of Brock's bedroom right now.

Oh, and wouldn't you know it,

he's fucking somebody who isn't you.

‐ You have a camera in Brock's bedroom?

‐ Yes, Kim. I have a camera in Brock's bedroom.

‐ You don't think that's a little‐‐

‐ I'm a villain. He's my enemy.

Now come on, let's not lose sight of the big picture here.

The big picture of Brock's penis

in someone else's vagina.

‐ Well, I will have you know that Brock has assured me

that the fucking of other women will stop

as soon as Ally and I move in.

‐ And you believe him?

Kim, the man is a fucking sociopath.

And, quite frankly, I don't want my daughter

anywhere near him.

‐ Well, that's something else we should talk about.

I think maybe Brock has more of a right to be around Ally

than you think.

‐ What the fuck are you talking about?

‐ There's a‐a chance

that Brock Mason could be Ally's biological father.

Darren?

Darren, are you gonna say something?

‐ I'm sorry. Was I not just screaming?

I feel like I was just screaming.

Uh, Kim, Ally's 16 years old.

How is that possible?

‐ Well, think about it, Darren.

Brock's first mission to stop you was 16 years ago.

He was a secret agent.

I was the wife of a super villain.

[scoffs] Come on, it was bound to happen.

‐ You know you don't need to fuck him, right?

Just because you're the wife of of a super villain doesn't mean

that you're obligated to fuck

every secret agent that walks up to you!

‐ Well, in my defense,

he told me he was gonna kill you.

‐ Do you even know

what the phrase "in my defense" means, Kim?

I'm gonna fucking throw up.

‐ Well, I'm running late.

The movers have already left.

We'll talk about the details later.

‐ Kim, no.

Come on.

Kim, no‐‐

Kim!

Kim!

[sighs]

Yeah, can I, uh‐‐ can I get a Kyle in here?

‐ Yeah, you needed something, boss?

♪ ♪

‐ Ah... Yeah, baby, yeah.

Oh, that feels good. Get that skank off.

What the‐‐ Oh, hi, Kim. Oh, whoa.

Uh, I didn't know you were coming over today.

It‐‐it‐‐ Wait. Is today Wednesday?

‐ Well, I did it.

I finally left Darren.

‐ Oh, man, that sucks.

Uh, what's all this shit doing here?

‐ I told you, Brock, I'm leaving Darren,

and Ally and I are moving in here.

We talked about this last week.

‐ Oh, shit. W‐we're really doing that?

I thought that was just, like, pillow talk.

You know, like, uh, what would you do with $80 million?

Or, uh, would you rather be invisible or be able to fly?

Or, you know, what if we moved in together?

You know, just like random shit out of our asses.

‐ What do you want me to do?

Take all my shit

and go live on the street with my fucking daughter?

‐ No, no. That's no way

for a grown woman and her 18‐year‐old daughter‐‐

‐ 16‐year‐old daughter.

‐ Really? Still? ‐ Oh.

By the way, you should know

that Darren has a camera set up in your bedroom.

‐ Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I've known about that for a while.

I like to fuck with him sometimes.

Oops. Hey, buddy.

Twig and berries. Twig and berries.

‐ Oh, God damn it, Brock.

‐ Brock, cover yourself up, okay?

Ally's in the house.

‐ Kim, maybe we should talk about this.

I mean, what are we doing?

You're married. You're a married person.

‐ Not for long, I'm not.

Now, I've got to tell the movers

where to put the rest of my stuff.

I think we may have to get rid of some of your furniture.

‐ N‐not the foosball table, all right?

I built that with my dad, Kim.

‐ Ally, come say hi to your new roommate.

‐ Hey.

If you ever get tired of my mom,

just remember, I'm right down the hall.

Ooh, also, I drove my car into a tree yesterday.

Mom said you'd buy me a new one. Thanks. Bye.

‐ Uh, Kim.

Kim.

Kim.

God damn you, Havoc.

Is this one of your master plans,

you son of a bitch?

This isn't the end of this. I will‐‐

‐ [sighs]

You know what?

I don't think I want to remember today.

[The Last Stand's "The Darkness"]

‐ ♪ Away ♪

♪ Oh, my love, turn away from me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ So, when I'm gone, you won't ever see ♪

♪ ♪

♪ What I became ♪

Ah, come on, come on.

Come on, you fucking pussy, you can do it.

Come on, what do you have to live for now, huh?

You fucking hit rock bottom, you piece of shit.