Original subtitles

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[doorbell rings]

‐ Can somebody get that?

‐ Dad, that's my date.

Let him in and tell him I'll be ready in 10 minutes.

No, 15. 15 minutes.

‐ Hi, there, Dr. Darren Havoc.

‐ Hey, I'm here to pick up Ally.

‐ Yeah, yeah. Come on in. She's just getting ready.

I didn't catch your name.

‐ Uh, Jaydyn.

‐ Oh, well, uh, nice to meet you, Jaydyn.

Why don't you come into my office for a bit and we'll talk?

She might be a while. You know girls.

‐ Okay. [sighs]

♪ ♪

‐ So, Jaydyn, how did you and Ally meet?

‐ Uh, school.

‐ Hmm. You seem a little older than a high schooler.

‐ Yeah, uh, I guess I'm just mature for my age, you know?

‐ Is that so? And, uh, where are you guys off to tonight?

‐ Ooh, I don't‐‐I don't know.

Like, dinner and a movie or something.

‐ Ah, classic. So dinner and a movie‐‐

you'll probably be home around, what do you say, 10:30?

‐ Ah, look bro, come on.

Ugh, I get the whole overprotective‐dad routine.

All right? I‐I've been through it before.

But your daughter, your daughter is her own person,

and she and I are gonna do whatever we're gonna do tonight.

You know what I am saying?

So relax. She'll be home when she gets home.

All right? Cool, bro.

‐ [chuckles] Okay.

Hey, Jaydyn, you're gonna want to hold on

to that chair real tight.

‐ What?

Oh, oh! Oh!

[screaming]

♪ ♪

‐ Shit.

What the fuck, man?

‐ What's the problem, Jaydyn?

I thought you'd been through this whole

overprotective‐dad routine before.

Oh, that's right.

You've probably never dealt with an overprotective dad

who's a motherfucking super villain.

‐ Oh, my God!

‐ So let's go through these questions again.

What do you say? Uh, where did you meet my daughter, again?

‐ Uh, school. Uh, we‐‐we met at school.

[screaming] Okay, okay, okay.

‐ Sorry, you're gonna have to be a little louder.

Where did you meet her? ‐ Fuck! Fuck!

Uh, uh, Instagram.

I‐I saw a picture of her in a bikini,

and‐‐and I saw‐‐and I sent her a direct message.

‐ Yeah, that makes more sense,

'cause you're not in high school, are you, Jaydyn?

‐ Uh, no, no, no, sir, no.

‐ How old are you?

‐ Uh, uh, 18.

[screaming]

I'm 19! 19! 19 and 4 months!

‐ Ah, 19 and four months.

See? Your memory is getting better every minute.

Now, last thing‐‐

where were you planning on taking my daughter tonight?

‐ Uh, you know, I hadn't really, um‐‐

[coughs] I hadn't really decided.

[screaming]

A party, sir.

We're going to a party, sir. [crying]

‐ Mm‐hmm.

And will there be alcohol served at this party?

‐ Almost certainly, sir.

‐ Jaydyn, I want you to know

how much I appreciate you being honest with me.

‐ Thank you, sir.

Aah! Aah! What the fuck?

‐ I know, it stings, right?

So I just implanted a tiny explosive device in your neck.

And with a push of this button,

I can blow your fucking head right off.

‐ I‐I'm sorry, okay?

Hey, look, I‐I swear I won't take your daughter out.

I‐I'll leave right now. ‐ Here's the thing Jaydyn‐‐

I love my daughter, and I know she's gonna be upset

if she doesn't get to go out tonight.

So I'm gonna let you take her out

'cause I know you're gonna be a perfect gentleman, aren't you?

‐ Yes, sir. I promise.

‐ Okay.

‐ Ah.

‐ Yeah, I wouldn't mess with that too much.

That device can be real sensitive.

♪ ♪

‐ I thought we were going to a party?

‐ No, that‐‐that party got canceled.

‐ What? Lame!

So what are we gonna do instead?

‐ Huh...

♪ ♪

Ooh.

We're going to dinner,

then we're gonna go to a movie,

and I'm gonna have you home right at 10:30.

‐ What? Fuck that.

Ooh, I know a great place we can go.

Turn here.

♪ ♪

[vehicle approaching]

[brakes squeal]

♪ ♪

‐ Okay, we should not be here, not‐‐not here.

We should go.

This is bad, okay?

It's not the plan.

We didn't plan this. You brought it up.

‐ Oh, relax. There's nobody here.

‐ Well uh‐‐

Hmm. [stammers] Let's just leave.

‐ Now come on. Let me help you take this seat belt off.

‐ I've got to pee!

‐ Hey, buddy. ‐ Oh!

Oh, my God. ‐ Make‐out Point, huh?

Doesn't seem like a very gentlemanly place to be.

‐ No, no, no, no, no. She made me come here, okay?

I wanted to go to dinner.

‐ Yeah, she gets that kind of stubbornness from her mother.

Well, I'll let you guys get back to it.

I'm just gonna go sit here in these bushes

with my finger on this detonator.

By the way, it looks like you pissed yourself a little bit.

‐ [groans, whimpers]

♪ ♪

‐ Hey, honey. How was your date?

‐ Ugh! Fucking terrible!

He pissed himself.

Why do all the guys I go out with

always piss themselves halfway through the date?

‐ Well, honey, you should probably stop dating older men.

You know, they're incontinent.

Well, Jaydyn, I guess you live to see another day.

‐ Ah, I can't believe

I sent that guy pictures of my tits.