Original subtitles

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

‐ Dear diary,

remember last week when I helped that nice girl out?

Turns out no good deed goes unpunished.

‐ Here's your plutonium core, Dr. Havoc.

‐ Ah, perfect. Man, you guys?

When this bomb is done,

it is gonna be so fuckin' sweet.

All right, let's see where we are here.

Step 236: connect the A‐sockets to the T‐bolts.

Uh, guys, who's got the little Allen wrench

that came with the kit?

♪ ♪

‐ All right, Dr. Havoc.

The jig is up.

‐ Oh, you guys.

Who got me a stripper?

Kyle? Steve?

Other Steve?

Other Kyle? Didn't see you back there.

‐ Hey, I'm not a stripper.

My name is Crystal Mynxx, and I'm a superhero.

‐ Oh, I'm sorry. I‐‐I didn't realize.

Uh, did you just‐‐

did you just come back from a, uh,

like some sort of pool party or something?

‐ What? No. I'm here to stop you.

‐ In that? Uh, wow.

I don't know, I think maybe you forgot some of your super suit.

‐ Uh, no.

This is the super suit that was issued to me

by the Superheroes Union.

‐ Really? I gotta tell ya,

most of the superheroes I run into

have, like, pads or armor.

I mean, a good deal of them are just covered head to toe.

‐ [laughs] Yeah.

I'm pretty sure that wouldn't fly for a woman.

‐ Huh.

That outfit does not seem very functional

for our line of work.

I mean, we're about to do battle.

How is that supposed to help you?

‐ Um, support?

‐ Support what?

Your butthole?

[laughter]

Sorry. I uh, recently found out

they have the minds of children.

‐ It's fine.

‐ Did you hear him say "butthole"?

[laughter]

‐ [sighs] Let me ask you,

is that outfit even comfortable?

‐ Nope. Everything I'm wearing hurts.

‐ Ah. See? That's bullshit.

You're a superhero, right?

I assume you have superpowers?

‐ Hell yeah.

I've got super strength and unbreakable bones.

‐ Unbreakable bones? That's awesome.

You see, you should be able to wear whatever you want.

I mean, I don't think your ability

to crush bad guys' skulls

is dependent on how much cleavage you show.

‐ You know what? Yeah. This is bullshit.

I'm gonna go to the union and tell them

I'm gonna wear whatever the hell I want.

‐ Yeah. Good for you.

‐ Hey, you mind if I take my shoes off before I head out?

‐ Yeah. [stammers] That's fine.

‐ [groaning loudly]

Oh, that feels good.

‐ For once, I had stopped a superhero by empowering them.

And then today happened.

[sparks crackling]

Wow. Looks exactly like it did on the box.

All right, let's get this thing into a major metropolitan‐‐

‐ Hello, Havoc.

‐ Crystal Mynxx? Is that you?

‐ Yes. But I don't go by Crystal Mynxx anymore.

My new superhero name is...

Gail.

‐ Gail?

Well, uh, kinda lacks a little gravitas, but okay.

Seems like you're really embracing your new image.

‐ What you said really opened my eyes.

I'm now ready to fight the real evil in this world.

‐ All right. Let's do this.

‐ The patriarchy. ‐ What's that now?

‐ Yes. My real enemy is the oppression

that the ruling class of this world, men,

have foisted upon me and my sisters.

‐ Okay. Well, as a supervillain,

I kind of feel like I'm your real enemy.

‐ Yeah. You are the problem.

‐ Thank you. ‐ Because you're a man.

‐ No. No, I'm the problem

because I have a nuclear bomb,

and I'm gonna blow up a city.

Not because I have a penis.

‐ Oh, you had to bring up your penis, huh?

Is that what you think gives you your power over me?

‐ No, no. [sighs] All I'm saying is‐‐

‐ I don't need you to mansplain it to me.

‐ I'm not mansplaining anything, sweetheart.

All I'm trying to‐‐ ‐ What did you just call me?

‐ Okay. I'm‐‐I'm sorry. Th‐‐that's not what I meant.

Gail. I meant to say Gail.

‐ [shouts]

‐ [groans]

I'm gonna be honest.

This would've been a lot more fun

if you were still wearing that bikini thing.

And so, diary,