Original subtitles

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

‐ Hmm.

Secret Agent Brock Mason.

‐ Yeah, he's a dick.

All right, so you're gonna go down there,

and you're gonna kill him.

‐ Consider it done.

I will go down there, seduce him,

take him back to my room,

and after we have ravaged each other for hours‐‐

‐ Wait, wait, wait. What? No, no, no, no.

You don't have to have sex with him.

You're just gonna go down and kill him.

‐ Da, right after we make fuck.

‐ No, no. I‐‐I don't want him to make any fuck.

I want him to be dead.

‐ Trust me, he will be easier to disarm

if he is naked.

‐ Yeah, but you'll be naked too.

‐ Fuck yeah, I will.

I am at my most effective when I am nude.

‐ Yeah, well, so is Brock Mason.

If you don't believe me, you can ask my [bleep] wife.

‐ [laughing] Da.

Yeah, that is good one.

‐ What? ‐ Oh, is‐‐isn't a joke?

‐ No. Oh, no, no, he's‐‐

he's actually fucking my wife.

‐ Oh, snap. Really?

‐ Yeah. That's why I want him dead.

‐ Whoa, that is fucked.

‐ So, can you just not have sex with him?

‐ Mmm, no, but how about this?

I go down there, quick blowjob in the bathroom,

then I kill him.

‐ No, no, no blowjobs.

‐ Okay. Then, I jerk him off under the table.

‐ No.

‐ You want him to jerk himself off on my tits?

‐ Why does killing him have to involve him cumming?

‐ Listen.

How can you know that the man is dead

until you have seen him truly live?

‐ Okay. I know you think that sounds smart,

but that's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard.

‐ Mmm. You know, actually,

the dumbest thing I've ever heard

was that a man stayed in a marriage

while he knew she was fucking this other guy.

‐ I know, I know. I'm well aware. I'm well aware.

‐ Well, we will just see what happens.

‐ Okay. Please don't have sex with him, okay?

Please, please.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

‐ [chuckling]

Three Kings.

‐ Huh. Straight.

all: Ohhhh.

‐ [chuckles]

Must be my lucky night.

‐ Excuse me, gentlemen.

Do you mind if I play with you?

‐ And my luck just keeps getting better.

Ha, ha, ha. ‐ With me,

men always get lucky.

‐ [chortling] ‐ Yeah.

‐ No, for God's sakes.

‐ So, are you staying in the hotel?

‐ Da, I am.

But I have not yet decided in whose room.

‐ Ah. ‐ Mmm.

‐ What? ‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ Heh. ‐ Mm‐hmm.

‐ Ahh.

‐ Poison his fucking drink. It's right there.

Come on! Oh wait,

is she‐‐

and she's jerking him off.

‐ [chuckling]

‐ I must say,

you exceed expectations, Secret Agent Brock Mason.

‐ Oh!

Secret Agent Brock Mason.

‐ You're the guy who killed my brother.

‐ You told me your name was Jeff!

‐ Uh‐oh.

[gunfire]

‐ How the hell did you know my real name?

‐ Doesn't everybody?

‐ No. I'm a secret agent. I use code names.

‐ I let you borrow my swimsuit for the pool, Jeff!

‐ [grunts]

All right. You stay here where it's safe.

I'll take care of these guys.

‐ [scoffs] I can protect myself.

‐ Oh, I am so gonna fuck you.

[all shouting]

‐ Let them kill him!

Just fucking let them kill him.

That's it. You want something done,

you gotta do it yourself.

‐ Come on. Come on!

‐ All right. Time to‐‐

oh, sorry, sorry.

I guess you already got this thing handled.

Never mind. Never mind.

Good job. Great job.

‐ [grunts, gasps]

both: Whew!

‐ Whoo! [laughs]

That was awesome. All right.

I mean, I blacked out there for a little bit,

but, wow.

‐ Okay. Now, you choke me for a little while,

while I slap you in the face with this glove.

‐ All right. Ha, ha.

This is turning out to be a great fucking Thursday.

‐ And so, Diary, today I learned

not to judge a book by its cover.

While my assassin may have some unusual tactics,

she certainly gave Brock Mason

exactly what he deserved.

‐ [sighs]