Original subtitles

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

‐ Dear diary, it is 1:30 a. m. [soft music playing]

on New Year's Day,

which is six hours since I had dinner,

30 minutes until I go to bed, and exactly two hours

since I was supposed to blow up New York.

Time.

[sighs]

It's a bitch.

All right, time for the Big Apple

to meet my big rocket.

[ominous music]

‐ 30 minutes until launch.

‐ Oh, what the fuck?

Von Duct, launch platform, now.

‐ Yes, Dr. Havoc?

Oh, I see you've launched the rocket.

‐ No. Apparently, what I've launched

is a 30‐minute countdown timer

until I get to launch my rocket.

‐ Ah, yes, the classic countdown.

Ha ha ha!

Adding a bit of the drama to our inevitable victory.

‐ A bit? What the fuck am I supposed to do

for 30 minutes?

‐ Well, uh, just off the top of my head,

you could revel in your genius.

‐ All this is is 30 minutes

until some superhero breaks in here to stop me.

‐ Oh, Dr. Havoc, please.

Who would stop you?

‐ Anyone. I get stopped all the time!

‐ So am I to understand that for the next rocket,

you don't want a countdown timer?

‐ No, I don't want any countdowns ever.

From now on, no countdowns allowed in this lair.

‐ Anywhere?

[dramatic musical sting]

‐ Oh, yeah. Bean and cheese and meat.

Bean and cheese and meat.

♪ Bean and cheese and meat ♪

♪ B‐bean and cheese and meat ♪

‐ We're not doing that anymore.

‐ Aw!

So cold.

‐ Three, two...

[gunshot]

‐ No more countdowns.

‐ Aw!

‐ Okay, guys. Three, two...

[gunshot] ‐ Say cheese.

‐ Cheese. ‐ That was my best friend.

‐ Okay, now we're gonna sit here

and we're gonna wait for this goddamn rock‐‐

What? Who's there?

Oh, I swear to God, if you guys are playing with

that fuckin' frisbee again...

‐ Emergency lights on.

[whirring] ‐ Oh, good.

Oh, God!

‐ Hello, Havoc.

‐ Oh, God damn it, Nighthook.

Why do you always have to break my lights?

‐ Because I am a creature of the night.

Darkness is my home.

‐ There's glass everywhere. The switch is right next to you.

I hope your special weapon is a fuckin' broom.

‐ No. The darkness.

That is my special weapon.

‐ Oh, the broom's on the other side of the glass.

‐ Welcome to my world,

where all light is replaced with...

‐ Darkness? ‐ You got that right, buster.

‐ Okay, great. Anyway‐‐wait,

did you just stack up all those bodies

neatly into a pile when the lights were off?

‐ Yeah. Pretty impressive, huh?

‐ Yeah. Seems a little unnecessary, though.

‐ What can I say? I'm a showman.

‐ Oh, yeah, I understand. I mean,

it's an effective presentation.

‐ [chuckles] Uh, uh, thank you.

‐ Wait, that's more people than were in this room.

‐ Oh, yeah. I brought in some guys

from other rooms, too.

‐ Wow, that is dedication.

‐ Yes. Well, it's not just any guy

who can knock out 15 men then stack 'em neatly in a pile

in four seconds of darkness.

Oh, yeah, look at that.

Sturdy as a rock. Look at him.

He's not going anywhere. [chuckles]

‐ [moaning]

‐ [grunting]

Sorry about that. ‐ No, it's fine, it's fine.

‐ All right, Havoc. ‐ Wait, who's that?

‐ Uh, who?

‐ Who is that right there? Right here.

‐ Uh, that's‐‐that's one of your outside guards.

‐ One of my what? ‐ Uh, o‐one of your

outside guards?

O‐one of the guys you have dressed as a civilian

guarding the outside of your lair.

‐ No, I don't have any of those.

I think that's just a guy. In fact, yeah,

that's one of the homeless guys

that hangs out in the alley.

‐ Shit. Really?

Oh, God.

All right, come on, come on.

All right, come on. Come here.

Come! Come on... [muttering]

Come on! [muttering]

Here now. [grunting]

Come on.

Come on here, come on... [muttering]

Come on here with me.

‐ Doin' pretty good, huh? ‐ Yeah, real good.

[panting] ‐ Yeah. You all right?

‐ Yeah, I'm just a‐a little winded from, you know...

‐ Stacking up all the bodies into a pile?

‐ Yeah. Well, uh, mostly from‐‐ from lifting, uh,

the‐‐the homeless‐‐ the homeless guy.

‐ Do you wanna take a break or something?

Do you need, like, a time out?

‐ Yes, yeah, please.

Oh, I, uh, I skipped lunch.

Uh, uh, how much time is left on the countdown?

‐ Uh, like, 20 minutes.

‐ Okay, all right. Well then, give me 15,

and then you and me will do this.

‐ Got a little snot coming down.

It's coming. Yeah, it's‐‐ you got it.

‐ I‐it's‐‐okay‐‐ ‐ You got it, there it is.

‐ The mask doesn't‐‐ ‐ That's fine.

‐ All right. ‐ It's understandable.

‐ In 15‐‐ ‐ Go cool off, buddy.

‐ You and me.

‐ There's some food in the breakroom.

[glass crunching]

If you see a broom, bring it back with you.

If there's a broom in that room, bring it.

‐ Havoc?

Havoc.

Havoc. Havoc!

‐ What? ‐ Is your microwave broken?

‐ 19 minutes until launch.

19 min‐‐19‐‐19‐‐19‐‐9‐‐