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1
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[dramatic music]
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♪ ♪
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‐ Hmm...
Mm‐hmm.
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♪ ♪
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‐ Uh, sir,
our radar is showing
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that military forces are
approaching the base.
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‐ Uh, God damn it.
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All right, sound the alarm.
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‐ Attention,
all evil personnel,
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00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:42,536
Dr. Havoc's lair
is currently under attack.
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All henchmen, please report
to your battle stations.
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[glass shatters]
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[alarm blaring]
‐ Sorry, Professor Von Duct.
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‐ God damn it,
how am I supposed to keep
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the evil laboratory
going without any help?
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Oh, Professor Von Duct,
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you make
such amazing creations,
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it keeps the whole
evil enterprise running.
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Oh, what's that?
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You'd like
one permanent assistant?
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Nein!
Dr. Havoc needs
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all the henchmen,
all the time
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'cause he's so
[bleep] important.
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[shouting in German]
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Dr. Havoc.
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‐ We're under attack.
I'm gonna need a gun.
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‐ Yes, of course.
Here you are.
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‐ This is‐‐
this is a fucking pen.
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‐ Or so one would think.
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It's one of my newest
creations, the pen gun.
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Looks and feels like a normal
everyday ballpoint pen.
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But then you shoot, boom.
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[laughs]
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Big fucking gun.
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‐ Uh, no.
No, thank you.
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I'll put this in my pocket
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and shoot
my Goddamn nipple off.
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‐ Okay, okay.
No problem, no problem.
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There's something
a little bigger.
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What about...
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Oh, oh,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Yeah.
Okay, all right, right here.
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Look at this, looks, mm,
just your typical office chair
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that you might buy
at the OfficeMax
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or something like that,
you know.
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But then, it's a gun.
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‐ You want me to drag
an office chair around
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from room to room?
That's what you want me to do.
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‐ Okay, point‐‐point taken.
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Smaller than a chair,
bigger than a pen...
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[laughing]
It's like a riddle.
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Okay, why don't I just
turn on this light here?
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Hmm.
[giggles]
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Spoiler alert, it's a gun.
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‐ No.
‐ How you met my new dog?
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His name's gun.
‐ God, no.
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‐ Why am I wearing
an adult diaper?
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Answer, it's a gun!
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‐ No, I don't want a dog‐gun.
I don't want a lamp‐gun.
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I just want
a regular Goddamn gun‐gun.
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‐ Okay, then why
don't you just say
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"I want a regular gun‐gun"?
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I have gun‐guns everywhere.
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Here's a regular gun‐gun.
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‐ All right, now this is
what I'm talking about.
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‐ Yeah, it's got quite a kick.
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‐ Ahh!
‐ Dr. Havoc!
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‐ [groans]
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This is not a regular gun.
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‐ I thought you said
you wanted a gun‐gun.
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You see, it looks
and feels like a regular gun,
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but actually it's a‐‐oh, wait.
Oh, okay.
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I see where
the miscommunication
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00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:51,937
may have happened.
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‐ Jesus Christ.
What is wrong with you?
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Why can't you just
make a regular weapon?
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‐ With all due respect,
Dr. Havoc,
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I'm a mad scientist.
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I make weapons of genius.
80
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:04,475
I mean, you just want a gun?
Go to fucking Walmart.
81
00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:06,924
‐ I can't believe that
in this entire lab,
82
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we don't have any normal guns.
83
00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:12,529
‐ Dr. Havoc,
you're an evil supervillain.
84
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,156
Supervillains
don't kill with guns.
85
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,932
They kill with style,
with artistry.
86
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,331
Kill a man with a pen,
87
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now that's what
a Goddamn supervillain does.
88
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Prime minister
assassinated by terrier?
89
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:26,110
Ha!
Now that's some evil shit.
90
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:27,966
‐ Well, the prime minister
isn't here.
91
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:30,284
But you know who is?
The fucking military.
92
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:31,647
And you know what they got?
93
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Guns!
94
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:35,476
A shitload of big‐ass guns.
95
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:37,582
So unless they ask me
for my autograph,
96
00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:39,394
I'm gonna have a hard time
97
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:42,356
fighting them off
with a fucking BiC!
98
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,056
‐ Dr Havoc, Dr. Havoc!
99
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,658
The army's breached
the security entrance,
100
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,860
and the henchmen,
we don't have enough weapons.
101
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‐ God damn it.
102
00:03:50,263 --> 00:03:52,603
I've got the U. S. military
coming after me
103
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:53,999
and instead of an armory,
104
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,140
I have a fucking IKEA showroom!
105
00:03:57,304 --> 00:03:59,644
Wait a minute.
106
00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:02,409
Okay, maybe I have an idea.
107
00:04:05,378 --> 00:04:08,318
[tense music]
108
00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:09,475
♪ ♪
109
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:11,383
‐ Go, go, go!
110
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:12,724
‐ That seems
like a pretty good deal.
111
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:13,749
‐ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
definitely, definitely.
112
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These vases are worth
at least $3.
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00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:15,855
You get a free $3 vase.
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Absolutely.
‐ Oh, oh, wow.
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00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:18,333
You've got yourself
a deal, my friend.
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‐ Okay, perfect, I love that.
‐ All right.
117
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Pleasure doing business
with you.
118
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,464
‐ What are they doing?
119
00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:26,172
‐ It looks like they're having
some sort of a estate sale.
120
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,566
‐ Oh, shit.
121
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:29,567
Did the bad guy move out?
122
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:31,669
‐ What's going on in here?
‐ I have no idea.
123
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‐ Guys, guys, there's a pretty
good deal on this lamp.
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[gunshot]
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‐ Now.
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[exciting music]
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♪ ♪
128
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[evil laughter]
129
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♪ ♪
130
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:52,861
‐ We're winning!
131
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‐ This is a true supervillain
plan that we came up with.
132
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,459
‐ That I came up with.
133
00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:00,134
‐ Uh, yes, yes, of course.
That you came up with.
134
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:03,403
Uh, by the way, I've been
meaning to ask of you.
135
00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:05,043
Uh, could I possibly have
136
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,308
a permanent assistant
for the lab?
137
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,377
You know, to make more great
weapons like this and, uh‐‐
138
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‐ Boss, my gun, it's jammed.
139
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,950
‐ Well, actually,
that's just a regular chair.
140
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:18,149
‐ Oh, okay.
Thanks.
141
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:21,392
[groaning]
142
00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,288
‐ Yeah, he can be
your assistant.
143
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:26,027
‐ Oh.
144
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:28,931
‐ And so, diary,
145
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,299
I guess the lesson today is
146
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:32,967
being a supervillain requires
147
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,966
more than just being evil.
148
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:38,438
It requires style
and a little creativity.
149
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:42,208
Basically, today I learned
that I'm an artist
150
00:05:42,209 --> 00:05:45,579
and a pretty Goddamn
good one at that.
151
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,909
[gunshot]
Oh, God.
152
00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:49,123
Oh, my nipple.
Oh, fuck, my nipple's gone.
153
00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:51,415
It is gone.
154
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,448
Kim!
10916
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