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1
00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:03,335
Women: all my best friends
2
00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:05,671
say you are the worst thing
3
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,206
that happened to me
4
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:08,640
you're the worst.
5
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,743
All new wednesdays
at 10:00 on fxx.
6
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:15,581
Announcer:
Fx presents better things.
7
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:26,458
(knocking)
8
00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:33,799
(Knocking)
Huh?
9
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:35,167
What...
10
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:36,568
Hello.
11
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,804
Can-can I have those?
12
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:41,306
Uh... oh.
13
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:43,642
(Cans clatter)
14
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,077
Of course.
15
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,082
Yeah.
16
00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:51,550
Wow.
17
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,720
Your car is messy.
You got kids,
18
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,222
I can tell that.
Sam: (Chuckles) Yeah, I sure do.
19
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,658
Why are you sleeping
in your car?
20
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:01,660
Oh.
21
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:04,229
Uh, I'm tired all the time.
22
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:06,165
I call it momstein barr.
23
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:08,233
I try to power nap when I can.
24
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,769
Yeah, you got to take 'em
here and there, right, mama?
25
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,438
Yeah.
26
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,373
Oh, I have to go to staples,
remember? You promised.
27
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:16,008
I have to get, like,
five things off my list.
28
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:17,843
Wait, mom, mom, you're
passing the goodwill place!
29
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:19,545
Mom, pay attention!
Stop!
30
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:22,381
Here. Take the jacket.
31
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:23,715
Oh.
32
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,751
And what size shoe
do you wear?
33
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,586
Thank you. I-i wear a eight.
34
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,521
'Cause I...
35
00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,123
I don't know whose this is,
36
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:33,392
but these are, like,
a nine or a ten, maybe.
37
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,294
Oh, man, you are
38
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,563
such a nice lady.
39
00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,431
You're pretty.
40
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:41,767
Thank you. You're pretty.
41
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:44,603
Oh, no. No.
I used to be,
42
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,773
but you got to take care
of yourself. You know,
43
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:51,143
get your car washed,
get your hair done.
44
00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:53,946
How do you think you're
gonna to get a nice man
45
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,114
to make love to you?
46
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,882
Oh. No.
47
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:59,084
None of that for me.
I got rid of him.
48
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:01,120
I'm not talking
about a husband.
49
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:03,322
I'm talking about a man.
50
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:06,625
Don't you want a man
to be nice to you?
51
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,160
Oh.
52
00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:09,995
Yeah, well...
53
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:12,564
I told Paisley we could
to a vintage photo shoot,
54
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,099
and I need wardrobe.
55
00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:16,668
Shut up, maxie,
shut up, maxie
56
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,237
shut your face!
57
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:21,073
Sam, your daughter
is a monster.
58
00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:23,175
You can't just be a mama
all the time.
59
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,978
You got to sometimes
be a lady,
60
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,980
with the man putting
his full weight on you,
61
00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,681
making you feel good.
62
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,483
Yeah.
63
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,118
I appreciate that, Diane,
64
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,454
but there is zero time
in the mom's schedule
65
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:36,989
for being a lady.
66
00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:39,625
Oh, yeah, okay.
I hear you with that.
67
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,527
I raised four of my own.
68
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:43,428
So you know.
69
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:44,930
Oh, yeah.
70
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:47,766
I mean, you give 'em
every second you got.
71
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,668
You take 'em to school,
72
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,270
you take 'em
to their friend's house,
73
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:52,538
music lessons...
74
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,006
Dance class.
Yeah, sports.
75
00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,707
All those
activities.
76
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,309
Endless.
77
00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:58,677
I got my oldest...
78
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,846
He's a lawyer
back in Minnesota.
79
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,447
Wow.
Yeah.
80
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:04,216
One of 'em's
married in Oregon.
81
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:05,817
Two of 'em are
working back east.
82
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,152
They got good lives.
83
00:03:07,154 --> 00:03:09,521
And you gave that to them.
84
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,657
Just like you.
85
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:13,692
And now look at me.
86
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,795
They leave you
with nothing.
87
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:20,232
You got to make time
for you, mama.
88
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:22,000
They take everything,
89
00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,969
and then you're like me,
90
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:25,971
hoping you find
some nice lady
91
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:28,073
to give you a jacket.
92
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:32,911
Get out.
93
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:35,347
What?
What are you doing,
Samantha?
94
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,316
Get out.
95
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:40,185
No way, mom.
Mom, you can't
just leave us here.
96
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,354
There's a bus stop
right there.
97
00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:44,690
Get on the bus.
Take it home.
98
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:46,525
Mom, don't be a drama queen.
99
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,393
That bus doesn't even
go to our house.
100
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,895
No, it doesn't.
101
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,563
You're gonna take
the bus to ventura,
102
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,498
get out, walk
up the hill.
103
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:57,603
Bye! Bye! Get out!
I mean it!
Mom,
104
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,238
we're sorry.
We don't need anything.
105
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,039
We'll help you with the
groceries when we get home.
106
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,341
Please.
107
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:09,448
Mother, you had me
108
00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:13,852
but I never had you
109
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:23,629
I, I wanted you
110
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:29,601
you didn't want me
111
00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:35,540
shit, I don't know.
112
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,109
Damn it.
113
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:39,878
What'd the network say
about Eliza again?
114
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,314
I don't know. She doesn't pop.
Something like that.
115
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:44,950
Oh. I'm sick of all
these ladies.
116
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,287
Jen, what did they say
about Eliza?
117
00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:50,789
Um, the note was
"she's a bummer."
118
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,991
Yeah, she is a bummer.
I hate that we've
119
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,726
circled back to
talking about her.
120
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,328
The network already approved
Manning truesome.
121
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:59,298
Let's just cast her.
I'll kill myself
first.
122
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,899
George.
Yeah?
123
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,901
Is there anyone
we haven't thought of?
124
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:05,304
All right, look.
I have someone.
125
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:06,738
Who?
She was
in a pilot
126
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,473
I directed about ten years ago.
127
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:09,941
She was hilarious.
128
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:12,244
Network fired her
because she had no tits.
129
00:05:12,246 --> 00:05:13,512
That's not good.
130
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:15,781
Who?
131
00:05:15,783 --> 00:05:18,350
Man: Sam fox.
I used to jerk off to her.
132
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,420
No way.
133
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:24,623
No way.
She's, like, 60 now.
134
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:27,025
Possible side effects
include nausea,
135
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:29,928
stiffness of joints,
thoughts of suicide,
136
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:32,264
diarrhea, and, in rare cases,
137
00:05:32,266 --> 00:05:34,533
seizures or death.
138
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:37,336
Yeah, Sam, can you
sound a little more
139
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,371
cheerful
during the disclaimer?
140
00:05:39,373 --> 00:05:41,707
Possible side effects
include nausea,
141
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:44,876
stiffness of joints,
thoughts of suicide,
142
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:47,145
diarrhea, and, in rare cases,
143
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,348
seizures or death.
144
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:51,083
(Laughing):
I'm sorry.
145
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,020
I'm sorry.
146
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,222
I'm trying to sound
cheerful about diarrhea.
147
00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:58,490
I'm sorry.
148
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,158
(Clears throat)
Diarrhea, sir.
149
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,660
Oh, diarrhea, everyone.
150
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:04,396
Is it thoughts of suicide
151
00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:06,298
and diarrhea,
152
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:08,567
or is it thoughts of suicide
153
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:11,636
and also thoughts of diarrhea?
154
00:06:11,638 --> 00:06:13,372
There's... (Laughing)
155
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:16,375
I know, buddy.
I'm sorry.
156
00:06:16,377 --> 00:06:18,844
What does this drug do, anyway?
157
00:06:18,846 --> 00:06:20,245
It's a boner maker.
158
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:21,546
Oh.
159
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:24,249
Well, anything for a boner.
160
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:25,350
Yeah, okay.
161
00:06:25,352 --> 00:06:27,319
I mean, although,
162
00:06:27,321 --> 00:06:29,187
if a guy has a nice hard dick
163
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:31,256
and he has diarrhea
squirting out the back,
164
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:33,859
it sort of ruins it,
you know what I mean?
165
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,394
Just sort of.
166
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,069
(Smoke alarm beeps)
167
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:47,272
(Sighs)
168
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,648
Okay, let's go.
Is it you?
169
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:03,889
(Beep)
170
00:07:03,891 --> 00:07:05,624
Shit.
171
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,597
Oh.
172
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,032
Come on.
173
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,101
(Beep)
174
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,636
(Gasp)
175
00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:19,271
Bingo.
176
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,310
Seriously?
177
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,711
(Beep)
Oh.
178
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:41,393
(Beeping)
Oh! No, no, no, no, no,
179
00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:43,495
no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
180
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,096
(Beeping continues)
181
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,599
Mama, what's happening?
Honey, I'm sorry.
182
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:48,967
Mom, what did you do?
183
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,802
It's just the smoke detectors.
184
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,304
Oh, my god, mom!
Mama, I'm scared!
185
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:54,439
It's okay.
Mom, call dad right now!
186
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,842
No!
What's going on?
187
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,176
Who are all those
people in there?!
188
00:07:58,178 --> 00:07:59,778
Mom, who cares?
Are we gonna die right now?
189
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:02,080
You idiot! It's just
a frigging smoke detector!
190
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:03,582
Shut up!
(Sirens wailing in distance)
191
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:06,017
Everybody, stop!
192
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:08,119
I am so, so, so sorry.
193
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,188
Oh, my god, this is
so embarrassing.
194
00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,691
Shut up, Max!
Mommy's doing her best!
195
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,292
Mom, call dad.
The firemen
196
00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:16,027
are gonna want
to talk to dad.
197
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:18,263
I can talk to the firemen!
198
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,031
I don't need
your fucking father!
199
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,601
I can talk to a fireman
200
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:25,170
by myself!
201
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,477
I mean, I can send you out
for any audition that you want.
202
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:34,646
But you have to be careful
about burning yourself out.
203
00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,548
I think, personally,
that it's better
204
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:39,184
to go out for just
a few things every month.
205
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,852
You know, to seem
more selective.
206
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,121
The interesting thing
about you
207
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,690
is that you can play
a good range age-wise.
208
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,126
Oh, definitely.
I can play up to 25
209
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,328
and really down to 16.
Mm-hmm.
210
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:51,830
Phone call.
211
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:53,698
I'm meeting.
It's Jen Abrams.
212
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,636
Jen, hi.
213
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,504
Hey, tressa, do you still
represent Sam fox?
214
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,973
Uh... yeah.
215
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,642
So you don't.
Did she fire you?
216
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:06,511
No, Jen, she didn't.
I do represent her.
217
00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:07,846
Can I help you?
218
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:10,482
I'm checking her avails
for a pilot.
219
00:09:10,484 --> 00:09:12,050
Oh, for when?
220
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,853
It shoots in march.
It's the lead.
221
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:17,322
The lead?
Whose pilot is it?
222
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:18,757
Danny and Zack.
223
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:21,693
Okay. Well, I will
give her a call.
224
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:22,894
Um, is this...
225
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,029
Danny and Zack love her.
226
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,497
Haven't checked the network yet.
227
00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:27,532
Ah. Got it.
Thanks, Jen.
228
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,701
Yeah.
229
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,503
See, I like that one.
230
00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:33,004
Yeah, but sh...
231
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,239
It-it's subtle.
232
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:35,440
Like, you don't notice,
233
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,075
but you can totally tell.
234
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,577
It's shiny.
That's... it's really good.
235
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,912
I want my face and neck
236
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,114
to stop being
old-looking, that's all.
237
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,116
Yeah. That's scary.
That's just scary.
238
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:46,685
She looks like an alien.
239
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,520
Hang on.
It's my manager.
240
00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:49,621
Hi, honey.
241
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:51,222
Hi, tressa.
242
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:55,126
Hey, so, um, some people
are checking your avails
243
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,928
for march for a pilot.
244
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,229
Okay.
245
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:00,298
Should I say you're around?
246
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,801
Yeah, I'm around. I mean,
you know I'm around.
247
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:03,969
Sure.
248
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,704
Wait. What's the pilot?
What's the part?
249
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:06,905
You know, just the usual
250
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,573
friend of the lead
kind of thing.
251
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,942
Anyway, I will let them know
that you're around.
252
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:11,977
Yeah. Bye, doll.
253
00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,044
Bye, hon...
254
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,714
Hi, hello.
Sam: Hi.
255
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:17,148
So nice to meet you.
I'm John.
256
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,617
Hi. I'm Sam.
257
00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,485
This is sunny,
my friend.
Sunny, hi.
258
00:10:20,487 --> 00:10:23,054
Hi. Did you get a chance
to look at the photos?
259
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,223
(Clears throat)
Yeah, we did.
260
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:29,060
Um, I'm not saying
that yours do at all,
261
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,429
but I notice
that sometimes
262
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:32,998
people tend to look
a little shiny
263
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,001
and a bit like
a potato, kind of.
264
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:37,569
A wet potato.
265
00:10:37,571 --> 00:10:38,937
Right. Well, not here,
266
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:40,939
because our technique
is undetectable.
267
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,507
You will not leave
268
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,643
looking like
a shiny potato face.
269
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:47,278
Wow. Okay.
Well, we're here.
270
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,981
I mean, this is
for me. She's perfect.
271
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,483
Ha, ha, ha,
no, seriously,
272
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:52,951
what do you...
What do you think?
273
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,919
How young are we now?
274
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,821
Um, I'm 38.
275
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,256
You look great.
Thank you.
276
00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,758
You both
look great.
277
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,493
I wouldn't really
do anything on you.
278
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:03,595
Seriously?
Yeah.
279
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:05,997
Wow.
Okay,
280
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:08,700
why don't you
climb up onto this chair?
281
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,769
Okay.
(Clears throat)
282
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,406
Okay.
283
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:16,841
Awesome.
284
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,376
Okay,
let's have a look.
285
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,679
Okay, so...
(Clears throat)
Uh-huh.
286
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:24,315
You see how kind of the left
side of my face, it's melting?
287
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,317
Mm-hmm.
Like, my right eye,
288
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:27,686
it's really heavy,
289
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,187
like I've been
in a prize fight.
290
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,356
Yeah.
And then my neck.
291
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:34,125
Jesus. I mean, what's
happening to me?
292
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:36,227
Mm-hmm.
Show him the picture.
293
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,295
Oh, yeah.
Um...
Yeah.
294
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:40,131
There's a picture of me.
295
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,499
So, that's
like, um...
296
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:42,867
Ah. Yeah.
Seven, eight.
Maybe...
297
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,135
14.
Maybe nine
years ago.
298
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,370
Yeah, right.
299
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:48,339
See, here, you look fresh.
300
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:51,176
And now you look tired.
Just tired.
301
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:53,078
Oh.
That's all. No big deal.
302
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,913
We can remedy that.
Okay.
303
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,815
Okay? Here, why don't
you hold this?
304
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,083
Okay.
Okay. Now,
you see,
305
00:11:58,085 --> 00:11:59,718
if we do a partial
face lift...
306
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:01,486
Mm-hmm?
It would raise
all of this up.
307
00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:03,021
Okay.
And if we did
the neck lift,
308
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,689
it would be very
understated.
309
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:06,224
Okay, watch.
Okay. Okay.
310
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,826
Watch this.
See this?
311
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:10,195
Pretty.
Oh.
312
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:11,563
Pretty.
Mmm.
313
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:14,532
Huh?
Pretty.
314
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:15,867
Pretty.
He's right.
It's kind of,
315
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,068
it's kind of amazing.
Huh?
316
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,236
Uh-huh.
Pretty.
317
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,237
Pretty.
318
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,505
What about, uh,
319
00:12:20,507 --> 00:12:21,673
what about my neck
thing?
320
00:12:21,675 --> 00:12:23,374
Okay, watch.
Ready?
Okay.
321
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:24,876
Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
322
00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,044
Fresh.
323
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,378
Whoa.
324
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:28,713
Fresh.
Wow, fresh.
325
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:31,182
Huh?
Fresh.
326
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,351
Huh? So fresh.
327
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,687
You see that?
Fresh.
It's like...
328
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:37,889
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
329
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,257
You look like
you went to, like,
330
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,592
the Bahamas
or something.
331
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,227
Yeah, wow.
332
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:45,063
Uh, how long
is the down time?
333
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,065
Well, your face
will be all bruises
334
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,400
for about three weeks.
Oh, shit.
335
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,936
Oh, but I anticipate
a very youthful result.
336
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:55,607
W-what would you
tell the girls?
337
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:57,742
Well, I'll just tell them
i got attacked.
338
00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,644
That way, they won't
be mad at me.
339
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,746
At least they'll be nice
to be for a day, maybe.
340
00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:03,748
(All chuckle)
341
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,884
So I have an opening
on the 18th.
342
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:10,622
Wow. Well, how much
are we talking here?
343
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:12,123
Okay.
344
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,660
For the neck lift,
it would be 45,000.
345
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,562
And for the partial
face lift,
346
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:19,664
it would run 50,000.
347
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,432
Oh, you know what?
I-I'm just gonna...
348
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:24,169
Can I take the price list
with me today?
349
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:26,971
'Cause I'm going
to think about it.
350
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:30,108
I don't think I can go
completely garbo right now.
351
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,576
Of course.
352
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:33,611
Sit, sit, sit.
Everyone sit.
353
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,480
Terrific.
354
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:39,784
So we are very excited
about your show.
355
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:41,319
So are we.
356
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,353
(Laughter)
357
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:43,421
Good.
(Chuckles)
358
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,256
So what's up?
359
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,658
What can I help you with now?
360
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:50,161
So, uh, we know who
we want for the lead.
361
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,697
Wow. Great.
362
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,699
Have we seen her?
363
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,034
All, right,
so, Charles, I,
364
00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:57,535
I know you want
to see choices.
365
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,370
I mean, we've all been
through this before.
366
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,873
And I'd like to think
we have some credibility here
367
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:04,375
with our other shows
doing so well.
368
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:07,145
We absolutely love your shows.
I hope you know that.
369
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,614
So who-who is it?
Who are we talking about?
370
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,182
Jen:
Sam fox.
371
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:14,853
Sam fox is funny,
and that's our bottom line.
372
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:16,621
You've got cute
all over the network,
373
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:17,956
and there's cute
in the show,
374
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,958
but Sam fox is,
like, real people.
375
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,461
She will score with
every demographic.
376
00:14:23,463 --> 00:14:26,397
When we cast young,
we leave everyone else out.
377
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:29,167
Sam fox has sex appeal,
but the big move here
378
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:30,902
is that she's
hysterically funny
379
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:32,403
and everyone likes her.
380
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:33,972
She's an everywoman.
381
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:36,407
Works for me.
382
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:37,842
Jen, great job.
383
00:14:37,844 --> 00:14:39,377
She's not on the show yet.
384
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,979
What are you
mad about?
385
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,680
Because I just burned
about 30% of my credibility
386
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,148
with Charles kemp.
387
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:45,483
What, you didn't believe
what you said in there?
388
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,986
Because you seemed to.
That's my job.
389
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:50,054
You're a gender traitor.
390
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,023
You're putting down
your own people.
391
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,491
My "people"?
392
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,560
You know, start a test deal
with Sam fox.
393
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,062
Call the reps now, please.
394
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:03,201
Uh, Charles said that?
395
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,169
That's what he said.
So we need to start a test deal.
396
00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:07,038
Wow.
397
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,073
Yeah, well, send a deal
memo to my office,
398
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,376
and we'll get started.
399
00:15:11,378 --> 00:15:13,378
Okay, tressa, thanks.
400
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,013
Bye, Jen.
401
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,081
Should I get Sam
on the phone?
402
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,182
No.
403
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:21,085
And don't tell
anyone about this.
404
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,453
You got that?
405
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:23,755
Okay.
406
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:32,397
Woman:
We create...
407
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:33,431
Sam:
Just let me...
stop, mom...
408
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,933
Stop! Mom, shush.
Pay attention.
409
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:37,402
I want to get
your face in.
410
00:15:37,404 --> 00:15:38,703
Stop!
Fine!
Jesus!
411
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,104
We're not misandrists,
412
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,573
but the patriarchy
must be stopped.
413
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,642
(Crowd cheering in agreement)
414
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,744
Now, Martin Luther King,
415
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,079
he had one kind of a dream...
416
00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,815
Martin Luther King
beat his wife.
417
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,317
What?
418
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,585
Well, some people say that
the FBI spread that story
419
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:55,954
to discredit him,
but other people say
420
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,956
he cheated on his wife,
and also people...
421
00:15:57,958 --> 00:16:00,291
Wait,
who told you this?
422
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,726
Cary, mom.
423
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:03,661
My teacher?
424
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,230
Yes. Yes.
Remember?
425
00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,232
Mahatma Gandhi
beat his wife, too.
426
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:11,102
Aah! I didn't know
Gandhi was even married.
427
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,104
Why would Cary be
telling you these things?
428
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:15,606
Like, is he trying to make
you hate these people?
429
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,675
No. He's just telling us
the whole truth about them,
430
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,944
or at least as it's known.
431
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,246
He's telling us
what's been said.
432
00:16:22,248 --> 00:16:25,483
I mean, yeah, maybe
the FBI lied about king,
433
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:28,619
but to say that he's this
perfect human statue
434
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:30,788
is-is a lie.
435
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,523
Hmm.
436
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:34,325
It-it's important, mom.
437
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,994
Plus, they're
still my heroes
438
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,196
for the good
that they did do.
439
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:40,531
But their personal lives were
just kind of sketched out.
440
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,301
Anyway, woman is the
nigger of the world.
441
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:44,802
Frankie, don't say that.
442
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,371
John Lennon said that.
443
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,306
I know,
but don't you say it.
444
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,008
Do you know what he's
saying with that song?
445
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,342
Also, it's
a direct quote from
446
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,643
both:
Zora neale hurston.
447
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,379
Mom, I know.
448
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:55,813
He wasn't
being derogatory.
449
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,716
It was being, like,
metaphorical.
450
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,284
Cary told us that.
451
00:17:00,286 --> 00:17:01,886
Hmm.
452
00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:03,688
Also, Gandhi was
pen pals with Hitler.
453
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,356
Oh, my god.
454
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,692
This kid looks like
Sam could be his mom.
455
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,060
Why if we give her
a black son?
456
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:10,294
Like she adopted?
457
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:11,696
Or shtupped a black guy?
458
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,664
Shtupped.
Yes, please.
459
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:14,866
(Intercom buzzes)
460
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,735
We're ready for him.
461
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,303
Man:
I have Charles for you.
462
00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:20,405
Hi, Charles.
463
00:17:20,407 --> 00:17:22,640
Hi, Charles.
Hey, Charles.
464
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,208
Guys, I have great news.
465
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,644
Yeah?
Great, uh, let's hear it.
466
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:27,812
Rachel mcadams got
a hold of your script.
467
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,213
She wants the lead.
468
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:31,349
She's amazing.
She's funny, talented.
469
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,583
We love her.
470
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,752
So we just locked her down,
and based on that,
471
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,287
we're ready to move
on to series.
472
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,924
(Chuckles)
473
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:42,160
Uh, Charles,
that-that's great.
474
00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:43,861
Amazing, yeah.
We love her.
475
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,430
Congratulations, guys.
476
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,397
I'm excited.
477
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,932
So are we.
478
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:49,000
Good, we'll talk soon.
479
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:51,235
Ow, it's...
Yeah, right.
480
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,938
Uh, all right, great.
So let's, uh...
481
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,673
Let's look at this stuff
and figure it out.
482
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:14,092
We're gathered here today
because we know
483
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:15,460
that there is an atrocity...
484
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,195
You know, I read
that mother Teresa
485
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:21,099
used to take private jets
and go to fancy dinners.
486
00:18:21,101 --> 00:18:23,468
Mom, that's not
the same thing.
487
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,236
She was a catholic nun.
488
00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:26,604
There's nothing complex
about mother Teresa.
489
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:27,939
She sucked.
490
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:30,041
I know, but Gandhi
was so little.
491
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:31,809
How could he
beat up anybody?
492
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,481
All right, guys,
let's start the mob.
493
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:39,117
Just look to the lady in the
pink t-shirt for the moves.
494
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,719
Frankie, take the rest of these
t-shirts, hand them out.
495
00:18:41,721 --> 00:18:43,121
Yeah, for yes,
i can do it, yes.
496
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:44,622
(Chuckles)
497
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,290
She loves your class.
498
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,893
Well, Frankie
is a rock star.
499
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,928
Yeah. Uh, listen,
500
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:54,232
I got to ask a favor
of you, buddy.
501
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:56,100
Frankie's knowledge
of the world is accelerating
502
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:58,469
because of your class,
good and bad,
503
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,639
and that's great,
but it's going really fast.
504
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,242
And I can't keep up.
505
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:07,078
I work. I rarely
get a download from her,
506
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,680
and when I do, she's on
a newer and bigger planet,
507
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:10,915
like today...
508
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:12,984
Come with us to stockton.
509
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:14,318
What?
510
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,920
Yeah, we're going on a
class trip to stockton.
511
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:18,189
You would learn so much
with Frankie,
512
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:19,957
so then you'll be
totally up to speed.
513
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:21,626
Our song is next.
When is it?
514
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:22,860
It's the first week
of march.
515
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,962
She should totally
come with us.
516
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,831
Oh, stockton? Mom's
always got to work.
517
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,266
She won't
make it, Cary.
518
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,034
Cary: Well, that's
good, Frankie.
519
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:30,835
Your mom's an earner.
520
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,103
I know.
521
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,640
Shall we mob it up,
madame?
522
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:38,109
(Crowd cheering)
523
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,482
Hi, Sam.
524
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,851
Tressa, hi.
Listen.
525
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,687
Is that pilot still happening?
526
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,455
That pilot in march?
527
00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:53,658
No, it went away.
528
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,459
Oh, good!
529
00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:57,728
Thanks, honey!
Love you!
530
00:19:57,730 --> 00:20:00,798
Love you.
Have fun.
531
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,001
Ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
532
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:06,370
ooh-ooh-
hoo-hoo...
533
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:07,905
I'm gonna do it.
534
00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:10,174
Rah! Rah! Rah! Rah!
535
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:12,009
Ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
536
00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:13,678
ooh-ooh-
hoo-hoo
537
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,479
shake off the demons
538
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:17,715
ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
that you know
539
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,383
and you will see
ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
540
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:23,187
ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
5,000 years before I grow
541
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,423
and I'm a lost cause
ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
542
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,825
ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
as far as causes go
543
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:29,694
ooh-ooh-
hoo-hoo
544
00:20:29,696 --> 00:20:31,262
open my heart,
i need to show
545
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:33,731
ooh-ooh-hoo-hoo
546
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,866
ooh-ooh-
hoo-hoo
547
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:39,270
I don't know if I'd get
there without you, dear
548
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:44,408
been on my own for so long
549
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:47,511
and I feel so alone here
550
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:50,214
are you my savior?
551
00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,116
And I've been
looking down
552
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:55,519
it's so hard to see
553
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:58,289
no, we don't belong here
554
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:01,225
under this shadow
555
00:21:01,227 --> 00:21:03,861
give me some salvation
556
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:05,830
help me believe
557
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:09,367
shake off the demons...
558
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,503
(record needle skipping)
559
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:35,993
Announcer: Better things.
560
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:38,663
All new Thursdays
at 10:00 on fx.
561
00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:44,502
(Radio: Man vocalizing)
(Birds chirping)
562
00:21:44,504 --> 00:21:46,637
(Chattering)
563
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:59,083
Women: friends say
you are the worst thing
564
00:21:59,085 --> 00:22:00,951
that happened to me
565
00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:03,654
announcer: You're the worst.
All new wednesdays at 10:00.
566
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:05,389
Only on fxx.
567
00:22:08,261 --> 00:22:10,828
Announcer:
American horror story roanoke.
568
00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:13,964
All new, wednesdays at 10:00.
569
00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:15,700
Only on fx.
570
00:22:17,870 --> 00:22:19,337
- (Snarls)
- Ephraim: It's been 23 days
571
00:22:19,339 --> 00:22:21,172
since the nightmare began.
572
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,041
Why do we fight?
573
00:22:25,712 --> 00:22:28,679
- Revenge.
- (Woman screaming)
574
00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:32,450
Announcer: The strain,
all new Sundays at 10:00 on fx.
575
00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:41,959
(Crunching)
(Horn honks)
576
00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:44,962
(Sighs) Oh, my god.
577
00:22:44,964 --> 00:22:48,799
Announcer: Baskets returns.January on fx.
578
00:22:50,136 --> 00:22:51,802
(Ping-pong ball bouncing)
(Beeping)
579
00:22:51,804 --> 00:22:56,273
(Radio chatter)
(Phone ringing)
580
00:22:58,911 --> 00:23:01,011
(Ping-pong ball
continues bouncing)
581
00:23:01,013 --> 00:23:04,815
(Woman on pa, indistinct)
(Laughter)
582
00:23:05,918 --> 00:23:08,919
Man (Whispering):
I know things about the dead.
583
00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:11,922
- (Screams)
- (Screeches)
584
00:23:11,924 --> 00:23:14,825
Man: When I left from Africa,
I thought I was mad.
585
00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,862
- Man #2: You look the same.
- I'm not.
586
00:23:17,864 --> 00:23:20,664
And I have sworn to do
very foolish things.
36920
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