All language subtitles for Ben.And.Kate.S01E14_English

(door opens)
BEN: Oh, man.

Now that we're
working stiffs,

I love a Saturday
full of nothing.

TOMMY:
There's nothing
like nothing.

What do you guys
got going on today?
BOTH: Nothing.

We're all doing nothing.
It's perfect. See you soon.

Grandpa's coming
to visit.

What?
What?
He'll be here in five minutes.

We got to clean the living room.
We have to paint
the living room.

Just let it be messy;
I don't even care.

Yeah, he only comes,
like, once a year.

Let him clean it up.

It's not an accusation;
it's an observation.

You overreact to him
saying anything critical.

Oh, my God. Okay, Dad.

It's like I'm a
broken music box.

You know, and he's the only
one that knows the song.

KATE:
You don't even
know me, Dad.

You have never
spent any time

with me or paid attention to me
my entire life.

Its like, he just
makes me so mad.

Dad who?

Okay, that's five minutes.

(sighing)

(doorbell rings)

Um, Dad's here.

* Wake up, look around

* There's a feeling today

* Fall down, get up again

* Get in the game

* Hey, hey, hey

* We're all here anyway.

Thank you, Grandpa.
I love it.

Well, of course, sweetie.

Happy birthday.

Again, Dad,

her birthday was
four months ago.

I know that, Katie,
but I couldn't be here then.

So we're doing it now.

(scoffs)

So, Dad,
what brings you to town?

I thought it was time
to come check on you guys.

See how this is working out.
What do you mean?

Well, I know you've been
living here a while,

looking after these guys, trying
to be the man of the house.

What do you mean, "trying"?

Let's go have some cake,
you guys.

Want some cake? Come on.

That's such a nice cake.

You got her a Valentine's cake.

Did I tell you
about my new business?

I buy the autographed
celebrity photos

from Laundromats
that are closing,

and I sell them online.

Sounds more like a hobby
than a business.

Are you still working
at that bar?

Yes, I am still working there.
So?

Oh, Katie,
you always had such potential.

Ben!
I always thought
you'd do

something more meaningful
with your life.

Ben! Come here.

It's so crazy

that you're saying that,

because I am, like,
doing so much

meaningful stuff

and volunteering,
so much volunteering.

It's like
my other full-time job.

Where do you volunteer?

At the volunteer center.

Right, remember?

For kids.
Kids.

Who are at risk.

At risk and need help.

Help, yeah.

The Volunteer Center
for Kids...

BOTH:
Who Are At Risk and Need Help.

Hey, babe, let's go see

what this cake looks like

in the living room.

Boy, Maddie's getting so big.

Yeah, yeah, no, I guess I...

I guess I notice it less
'cause I see her every day.

Why don't we,
uh, see what

it looks like...
You had a chance

to check out that audio book
I sent you, Unfinished Business?

No, I'm not sure.

Um, pretty sure it was
on cassette tape,

so I don't think I have a...

Well, you really
should check it out.

It'll help you deal with stuff.

Stuff like what?
Well, you know, the kind

of stuff that comes
with being the man of the house.

You know, like
putting a beat-down

on that low-life, Maddie's dad,
when he ran off on her.

What?
I mean, what
kind of a man

doesn't stick up for his sister?

She made me promise
not to, so...

I'm not even gonna...

Kate!

I don't lead a meaningful
life? Come on.

He's in the memorabilia racket.

What is that? That's
not even a real job.

Kate, you're a single mom
who works in a bar

to take care of her kid.

You are so meaningful.

Why on earth did I tell him
that I was volunteering?

Now he's asking me
all these questions.

Kate, you do volunteer.

You help me all the time.

You take over my shifts.
You feed me.

You know what,
he's only here for a few days.

I am gonna go out
and find a real-life charity,

Yeah.
and I am gonna
help a ton of kids

and people...
Losers.

and get my dad off my back.

But when you're helping
the losers,

who is gonna cover your shifts?

Oh, you are.

Kate, it's the weekend
and it's happy hour.

Kate, I don't know
how to work the...

thing you put the money in.

I don't know what it's called.

Ben. Ben!
Your dad woke me up

this morning and made me
go jogging with him.

Then we had
a heavy pancake breakfast,

which seemed to undo everything
we had just done.

Then he told me something

that you're gonna want
to hear about.

What are you talking about?

Up and at 'em, sunshine!

We're gonna find Maddie's daddy;
we're gonna kick his ass.

That's the thing that I was
talking about that he told me.

Right now?
Oh, yeah.

Let's do it.

Hi. How are you?

Good. Thanks.

My name is Katherine Fox, and
I would like to volunteer.

Oh, great.
Preferably something
very meaningful,

because I am a very
meaningful person.

Uh, well, we could always
use help on the suicide hotline.

The su...

I don't think
that's a good fit,

'cause I'm not very confident
on the phone.

Do you know what I mean?

Um, I feel like, if somebody
made a good argument,

I could cave really easily.

Oh, okay, um,

well, we're rebuilding
the rec room tomorrow.

Are you handy?

I'm not not handy.

Why am I lying?

I am not handy.
Okay.

Um, I was hoping there was
something I could do today.

I'm a single mom. I don't
have a lot of time...

Oh, you're a single mom?
That's fantastic.

Thank you.
Well, you're welcome.

I mean, it would...

be helpful
in mentoring pregnant teens.

Not that it's great
that you're alone.

That's... that's a hard,

uh, way of living,
a hard life.

Like, and during the holidays,

or any time of year, it's...
the whole year.

It's just a sad year.
It's sad.

Sad as a woman,
a single woman

with a child; it's sad.

I'm guessing
you're not very good

on the suicide hotline, either.

Okay, no pictures of Tyler
in Kate's room,

but I did find this.

Hey, guys, look who I found.

Mr. Fox, this is my
girlfriend, Lila.
Hi.

What's she doing here?
Oh, don't worry.

Tommy told me all about it, and
I won't say anything to Kate.

Maybe I could
find him online.

What's his name?

It's Tyler Cook, but
we already tried that.

It's a pretty
common name, so...

Tyler Cook.

Okay, he grew up here.

He went to college with Kate.
Yeah.

He's listed as the father on
Maddie's birth certificate.

Boom, I got an address.

Looks like we're going
on a stakeout.

Aren't you glad
Mommy's so smart, huh?

These silly boys would
have never found him.

I would've. I just...

I just didn't have
the right software.

You crazy, mama. Daddy would've
found him eventually.

No way.

Daddy can't even look up
movie times online.

That's because Mommy
only likes to see

weird Mommy movies
that no one else

in the world cares about.
Fight with each other,

not through the poor,
defenseless dog.

So,

Dean.

Oh, it's, uh, Deanne.

If you say so.

Deanne, I can't promise this job
is gonna last very long,

because I think
that my ex-coworker

has just gone on some kind
of moral walkabout,

but there is a chance
she won't come back,

and I'm really
gonna need someone

to do all of my work for me.

It's all right. I'm just looking
for loose change to buy beer.

Very good.

Would you consider yourself

to be a serious worker?

Nah.
"Nah."

Are you conscientious
and punctual?

No.
Fine. Final question.

Where do you
see yourself

in five years?

Probably dead.

Welcome aboard.

(gasps)

Yeah.
(laughs)

I can't believe it.
I got a bit teary.

Oh, that was really, really fun.

Thank you.
Should we do it again?

Yeah, I'm excited, but I'm also
kind of scared, too, you know?

Having a kid is, like,

one of the biggest things
to ever happen to me.

Well, yeah, yeah.

I-I understand.

Um, I understand
because I am your mentor,

and I am here for you.

It's stories like yours
that drew me

to volunteering
in the first place.

I don't think I've
ever seen you
Shh.

at the center... before.

Shh.

Don't give up on you,

girlfriend.

Oh, hey, Dad.

This is Bethany.

She's a pregnant teen

that I am mentoring.

Hi. Randy Fox.

Are you guys...
are you guys going somewhere?

It's like a father-son type
thing, sort of like a picnic.

A picnic,
we're going on a picnic.

You know, throw the old
Frisbee around.
Baseball around.

The Fr...
the Frisbee baseball.

It's a new sport we invented
called Frisball.

Basebee.
I've heard it both ways.

Just depends on the region.
Okay, cool.

Have fun
wasting your time.

I'll just be here,
being a beacon of hope

to a younger generation
of knocked-up wayward teens.

Okay, let's get you home.

No, no, no, I don't
want to go home.

I'm just gonna get in
a fight with my dad.

He's been giving me a really
rough time since I got pregnant.

Has he really?
Yeah.

That's not okay;
now I'm listening.

Not that I was not
listening before.

I was listening,
but I am locked in.

BEN:
2504.

Yeah, that's his place.
Why are you using
binoculars?

It's right there.

Because we're on a stakeout.

People use binoculars
on a stakeout.

Ooh, they kept
the historical trim.

You want to crack me open
one of those energy drinks?

Oh, yeah. Good call.

I'll have one, too.

"Cardiac."

Don't mind if I do.

(chuckles)

There we go.

(laughs)
Yeah.

(clears throat)
That'll get us there, right?

(grunts)

You know what?

This is kind of nice.

You and me,
a little quality time.

Yeah.

You'd almost think we had

a, uh, healthy
father-and-son relationship.

You don't think we have a
healthy father-son relationship?

No, I mean, I just...

I just... you know,
when we were kids,

there were....

You were...

You know what, forget it.

Why don't we forget about
talking for a while, too, huh?

Is your heart
racing a little?

'Cause I can, like,
hear mine beating in my ear.

I said no talking.

Holy crap.
You live here?

I drive past this place on
the way to Maddie's dentist.

To make her behave, I tell her
the tooth fairy lives here.

MAN:
Hello. Anybody home?

That's my dad.
I can't do this.

Yes, you can. Trust me.

Hey. There you are.

Just trying to figure out
how to put this thing on.

So exciting.
Who's this?

I am Kate.

I am Bethany's mentor.

She expressed to me
that you have not been

very supportive
of her pregnancy,

and we would like
to have a dialogue.

Honey-B, is this true?

Honey-B? Did you just
call her Honey-B?

That is so...

Being a single mother myself...

All I said was that,
once you have the baby,

honey, you can't hang out
with your friends as much.

Gosh, do you see
how unsupportive he is?

Well, I mean, he
does have a point.

Oh, great,
you're taking his side.
Well, no,

nobody-nobody's
taking sides.

But, I mean...

becoming a parent...

changes basically
everything.

Well, so what? I can't, like,
go to the movies anymore?

(laughs)
With a kid?

Not as much, no.

Or hang out
with Bootie and Dagger?

I don't know.
Are those people?

Friends.

Ah, why does
everybody hate me?

Honey-B...

You're, like, the best dad
in the world.

Come on, you can't
not talk to me.

We see each other
like once a year.

Oh, because I'm so terrible.

Would you stop?
I don't think you're terrible.

There's just stuff
that we never did.

Stuff you never
taught me.

Like, I don't know
how to drive a stick.

Or fish.

Fishing is stupid.

Two guys sitting together
all day not catching anything?

We're basically fishing
right now.

Name one other thing
I didn't teach you.

Uh...

how to smoke a cigar.

How to, uh,
start a campfire.

Had to learn that
on the streets.

Are you finished?
God, no.

No. How to
climb a tree.

I begged you to teach me
how to whittle.

I don't know how to carve
a pipe or a canoe.

I like your hair.

Thank you.
Thank you.

I was talking
to her.

Daddy spends so much
time doing his hair

that we were almost
late getting here.

Well, tell Mama
that we were late because

she forgot
her phone charger.

Again.

I'll put myself to bed.

How to blow
smoke rings.

How to shave with a knife.

"Affect"
vs. "effect."

How to throw a Frisbee.
How to lawn-bowl.

How to spit
tobacco.

How to spit,
in general.

No one's saying that
your life is over.

But, uh, it is
going to change.

Drastically.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.
When my daughter was born,

I had to put everything
on hold, you know?

My friends, and school,

and my career.

And nobody
told me that.

And nobody told me how scary
it was gonna be, either.

When Maddie was two,

she swallowed a nickel.

(whispers):
I still haven't found it.

Is it ever gonna
come out of there?

Is it gonna stay
inside of her forever?

Oh, my God,
not a day goes by

that I don't
think about it.

When I wasn't
looking,

what else did she eat?

When I just turned my head away
for just a second, like...

marbles, pen caps,

little toys,
little dolls...
I think...

what your friend
is trying to say

is that...

parenting is hard, honey.

Yep.
It's hard.

On the brighter side, I'm here.

And I've been
through it before.

And I'm gonna help you, honey.

You're not
alone, okay?

Oh...

come here,
Honey-B.

Oh, sweetie,
oh...

It's gonna
be okay.

It's gonna be difficult
at first, but...

before you know it,

your life is gonna be right
back where you left it.

Right?

I mean, once-once you got
the hang of parenting,

you got right back
to your life, right?

What the hell's that
supposed to mean?

Well, I mean, you put the
pieces back together,

you went back to school.

No.

Or you pursued
your dreams, right?

Get off my back, Dave!

God!

I can't throw a boomerang.

It never came
back, Dad.

All right, all right,
all right, all right,

all right!
What do you say we

focus on the task at hand, huh?

All right.

Sorry.

One quick
question, though.

Okay, like, when this
goes down with Tyler...

like, how's this
gonna work?

Like, logistically?

I don't know.

Maybe one good punch each.

Okay.

Well, one small thing:

You never taught me
how to punch a guy.

You never punched anyone?

Well, how many guys
have you punched?
We're not
talking about me.

You've never punched
anyone, either?

This is a disaster, Dad.

The most important punch
of our lives

can't be our first!

We got to practice.

Okay, so...

For maximum
fairness,

on three, we punch each
other at the same time.

Just like Rocky and
Apollo in Rocky II.

Rocky III.
No, it's Rocky II
when they both go down.

Yeah, but the simultaneous punch
was in Three.

No, it wasn't, Dad.
It was Two. I know the movie.

Just forget it, okay?
All right, all right.

All right, you ready?
Ready.

One...
Two... Aw, Ben...

Three!

(groaning)

What kind of punch was that?
You hit me right in

the side of my head.
Ah, I know!

Ow! Ow!
Oh...

That was, like, skull on bone.

Ow!

I think I really hurt my hand.

Oh...

Are you guys okay?

No, man!

We just Rocky
one-two-threed each other.

Aah!
Wait, wait.

Are you, uh...

are you friends
with Tyler?

Oh, is that the guy
who used to live here?

Yeah, he moved
like six months ago.

Left all his stuff.

Even his fish.

Abandoning things-- that's his
signature move, you know?

I bet he never calls on the
fish's birthday, either.

Why would he call the fish
on its birthday?

Look, I am sorry I forgot
Maddie's birthday, okay?

I'm talking about Tyler, Dad.

Oh, right.

Should I go?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna go.

(sighs)

Ah, who am I kidding?

It's too late.

No, it's not
too late.

Come on, we
can find him.

I'm not talking
about that.

Look, Ben, I hit my head
on the inside of a waterslide

in the Wisconsin Dells
about a month ago.

Nearly drowned.

I was basically dead
for, like, three minutes.

And when I woke up,
I thought, "I need to try

to set things right
with my family."

Well, I wish it
hadn't taken

a near-death experience
for you to come visit us.

Look, I know it's
probably too late

for you to ever think
of me as a good father.
Dad...

But I want to be
a good grandfather.

That's...

Well, I thought settling
things with this creep

would feel like
a little bit of both.

You know, there's still
something we can do.

DEANNE: And if you're an Ozzie,
drink it down

like a mozzie,

and everybody
shout, "Hooroo!"

ALL:
Hooroo!

Oh, Deanne...

disgusting Deanne.

You just
know so many

idiotic, repetitive
drinking games.

Yeah, well, when you
tend bar for 20 years,

you learn a few.

(laughs)
20? Gosh.

I know. This is the life
for you and me, BJ.

Yeah.
You know, no worries,

no responsibilities...
Yeah. Yeah. Right.

I'll keep doing this
till I'm too ugly

to make tips
or my liver gives out!

(laughing)

Oh, that's amazing.

(laughing)
Stop it.

Who's ready
for another shot?

(cheering)
Me!

DEANNE:
Hooroo!

CROWD:
Hooroo!

Oh, thank God.
You're back.

My dad told me

that I am wasting my life away.

And then Bethany's dad
told me basically

the exact same thing.
Nice.

Who cares if I never
went back to college?

I don't, because it's nobody's
business what we do

or don't do
with the rest of our lives.

That is exactly what I'm saying.
Who cares
that you're

constantly talking
about going to business school?

And you never do it!
It's your business.

It's how you're saying
you're going to study

to become a
therapist.
Oh. Yeah.

Did you ever
do that? No.
No!

You know why?
Because you choose!

I choose.

To do nothing.
To do
nothing at all.

With my life.
With my life.

I don't want to do
anything with...

I don't want
to do anything.
No.

Good for you gals.
Yeah.

It's just us gals
from here on out.

You know, together forever!

All right, careful. Slow down.
We don't want to spill.

Will you stop?
I know how to liberate a fish.

Hey!

What the hell?

This guy again?

Run. Run! Run!

No!
Run, Dad!

Whoa, whoa.
DAVE:
Get back here!

Hold it up.
I got it.

Yeah.
DAVE: You broke
into my house!

Okay, give it to me.
Give it to me.
(grunting)

Give me my fish!

What are you...? Whoa.

(stammers)

Whoa!
Okay, okay...
Wait, I don't know how

to drive a stick!
We got to switch.

No, no, no, there's no time!
Lock the doors!

What?
Left foot on the clutch,
right foot on the brake.

Then shift.
DAVE: Hey,
I can hear you!

Wait, I can't shift.
My hand!
Okay, I'll shift!

You're taking my fish.
Okay, both
pedals down.

Start the car.
Start the car.
Okay. Okay.

I'm calling the cops!
All right, now right foot on the
gas, left foot on the clutch.

Okay, now up
on the clutch...
DAVE: What
are you doing?

...down on the gas
at the same speed.

Hey! That's not your fish!

You know nothing!
You saw nothing!

Okay.
Go.

Go.
What the hell?

RANDY:
That's it, smooth.

BEN:
Oh!

RANDY:
Now, just drive. Drive!

BEN:
Wow, we're hauling!

RANDY:
Good, good!

BEN:
We're doing it, Dad!

You're teaching me how to drive.

LILA:
I know Daddy said

we'd be home an hour ago, baby,

but we'll find
something

for you to eat here.

Okay, look.
That's it.

Ben's dad
was right.

We're fighting through Robert

instead of just talking
with each other.

What is Daddy talking about?

Oh, God.

You're right.
I'm sorry.

I just really hate
fighting with you.

But it doesn't have to be
some big scary thing

for us to disagree
about little stuff. Right?

Right.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
(laughs)
Sorry. (laughs)

Can I have
something to eat?

I'm starving.

I told your
silly Aunt Lila

to order pizza
an hour ago.

I'll call for you, Maddie,

because obviously Uncle Tommy's
fingers are broken.

(laughing)

She tried to wait up for you.

You should've given her
some soda or candy or something.

That's what I used to do
with you and Ben.

What do you got there?

Nothing.
Let me see.

No, it's just...
I was just, like...

I'm just filling out
an application

to go

back to college.

Oh, Katie, I got through to you.

No. That is not what you should
take away from this.

Well, I hope you have
time to go to school

with all the... volunteering

you've been doing.

Okay, fine. You got me.

Mmm.

I just... I really don't like

having you disappointed in me.

I'm not disappointed in you.
I'm just disappointed

that you didn't have
anyone around to help you.

I... I did...
I had people around.

Well, not everyone.

And why did you think
you had to lie to me?

I don't know, Dad.

How was your picnic?

Sorry, we...
we didn't find him.

Well, thank you for looking.

Grandpa.

Hey, kiddo.

I got you an early
Valentine's Day present.

Do you think she's a girl?

Oh, of course
she's a girl.

MADDIE:
I'm gonna name her Frances.

RANDY:
Frances the Fish.

Where'd you get her?

I went fishing
with your uncle.

It was... actually
pretty fun.

I punched Dad.

It was awesome.

It's actually kind of nice
having him here.

Yeah.

When do you think
he's leaving?

I don't know.

I don't know.

(squeals softly)

We did it.

We applied
for college.

My great-grandfather
would be so...

disappointed.

He hated college.

And women.

We never even had the sex talk.

I did a lot
of weird stuff

with girls, Dad,

before I actually learned
what I was doing.

I don't even know
how to use protection.

I thought you unroll the thing
before you put it on.

Like a-a...
a tight balloon

around a hammer.

It really slows down
the momentum of the night.

Speaking of balls, I don't
know how to change a tire.

I once went on a date
and got a nail stuck in my tire.

Pulled over, and then the girl
had to change the tire.

Didn't get laid
that night.

And even if I did,

I wouldn't have
known what to do!

How to end a conversation.
I can't do that.