Original subtitles

(chatting, laughing)

You did it again!

Come here.

Oh! Hey, guys.

I'm glad you all are here.

Have you met my girlfriend, Lila?

You literally have introduced me to her, like, 50 times.

I guess it's 'cause I just like saying it.

Well, I like hearing it.

(giggling)

I got burger in my bra.

I'd like to say that's the first time, but...

Oh, hey, you guys.

(formally): Kate, hello! How are you today?

(mock formality): Oh, hello, Senator. How you doing?

What's happening?

Good to see you.

(clears throat)

You guys know the rule, okay?

Now, we all can't be in the same place at the same time

in case of an explosion.

I'm thinking about Maddie, y'all.

Let's go.

Bye-bye.

Yeah, I gotta hop, too.

I got a big meeting at the bank about Rail Mall.

Ooh.

Do you know that right now,

there are millions of train commuters

that are dying to impulse buy, but they can't? (sighs)

Oh, I want to get steps for my dog to get to the toilet,

but there's no onboard catalog.

I guess my poor, sick mastiff Lucas

will just have to make his mess on the floor again.

What's wrong with Lucas?

Well, he ate all that popcorn, which we also sell at Rail Mall.

I can't bear hearing about sick dogs.

If anything happened to Winnie, I'd shoot myself in the face.

You have a dog? Yeah.

I have literally never heard you mention that.

Well, I have a life outside you people, Ben.

Hey, was it just me

or were Tommy and Lila being super weird around me?

Oh, totally.

I know. Yeah.

But it can't be easy for her being around you, Kate.

Tommy was madly in love with you

for as far back as I can remember,

which is about...

five weeks?

Why didn't I think of that?

I mean, what am I, the most insensitive person in the world?

Listen, so what? It's a bit awkward.

All you need to do is next time you see her,

just, like, chat her up a bit.

You know, tell her a funny story

like that... Tell her my favorite story:

the one, first day of college, and you...

You...

Honestly, all gone.

* Wake up, look around

* There's a feeling today

* Fall down, get up again

* Get in the game

* Hey, hey, hey

* We're all here anyway.

Well, Ben, you were right.

Your credit score is impeccable.

I like to keep my credit-to debit ratio

smaller than my waist-to-height.

Yeah, it keeps me lean and financially virile.

Wow, that's... brilliant.

But as I told you before over the phone,

it's going to be difficult to get you a loan this size.

You love Rail Mall.

Okay, we're capitalizing

on a proven business model here,

just with a little Ben Fox twist.

This is SkyMall for trains.

Ben, if it were up to me, you know I'd give you that money.

Hell, I'd partner with you.

I appreciate that, Seth.

But I can't just give you money willy-nilly,

and even saying the word "willy-nilly"

makes me feel weird.

My bosses aren't going to approve a loan

without a serious CEO on your team.

I'm going to be the CEO, and I am deadly serious.

I'm sorry, but without an experienced CEO,

I'm afraid it's a non-starter.

(sighs)

Okay.

I understand.

Not the non-starter business,

because I don't acknowledge that kind of negativity,

but I'll find you a CEO.

So I was thinking,

I'm just going to ask Lila to hang out with me.

You know, just-just smooth over any awkwardness.

I don't know if smoothing over awkwardness is very you, Kate.

But I feel like that's just with men.

And women, and strangers.

No one likes you initially, do they?

Will and I broke up because he couldn't fit in

with my, with my family and my friends,

and I don't want to be the thing

that comes between Tommy and Lila.

So you know what? I'm just going to text her.

I'm just going to send her, like, a text that's, like...

Wrong move.

You just broke my phone, BJ.

You need to ask her out face-to-face.

Try a bit of physical contact.

Oh, just graze her elbow, a little hand squeeze.

Oh.

Gentle little pinch. Ow!

That got your attention. Ow.

How about this?

Oh, hey, Lila.

Do you want to hang out sometime?

Do some girl stuff?

I feel like this is going to give Lila the wrong idea.

Hi, baby. How was school?

Good.

Yeah? Whales are mammals.

I didn't know that! That's amazing.

You are so smart.

Did you know that whales' eyes are the size

of a small teacup?

Yeah.

See, I know whale stuff, too.

You're really smart too, BJ. Thank you.

Who's Lila?

She's hopefully gonna be my new girlfriend.

You have a girlfriend?

Well, no.

Lila is a girl, and I would like her to be my friend,

but, you know, a girl can have a girlfriend.

Oh, yes, she can.

(door opens)

Hey.

Hi. Hi.

So how was the bank?

It literally could not have gone better.

That's great. So you got the loan.

Well, that-that... I guess that...

Yeah, I guess it could have gone better.

I could have gotten the loan.

But the good news is

that all I need to do is find a CEO,

and that's exactly why I got the job at the country club:

to make those kind of connections.

Oh, yeah? You just gonna go fishing for an old CEO

down in the old business pond?

It's called headhunting, Kate.

Why don't you take a listen to my audio book,

Self Happens, Volume Three.

Just be careful, Ben, okay?

I just... It's an important decision.

Adorable!

My little sister giving me advice on business.

What about you, BJ?

Do you have any words of wisdom to share

on starting a company? Yes.

Make sure your target market is modest in the beginning

so as not to stretch your initial capital too thin.

I'm telling you,

I've got a life outside you people.

I always thought she was super dumb.

What if I told you about an untapped market

that's ripe for domination?

A cash cow that would weather a down market

better than any category on the BCG matrix,

and all it needed was an experienced CEO

like yourself, you know,

that could just, that could just legitimize the venture.

(coughs): Sorry, it's so hot.

Trying to catch my breath with this steam.

It's, yeah... Yeah.

Did you ladle some water on there

right before I got in here?

(laughter)

I had croup as a kid, so...

Just having a hard time breathing.

(laughter)

I'm crouping.

What?

Jerry, we already set a price.

You better tell me right now that we have a deal

or you are dead on both coasts.

You gonna put your hands that deep in my pockets,

I better have a smile on my face.

Do I sound like I'm smiling, Jerry?

Idiot.

Snack Man, let me have one of those waters.

Uh, yeah. Sure.

Vera Everson. Ben Fox.

Feel free to wet your whistle.

You know what also has a whistle?

A train.

God, you're thirsty.

Okay, Kate.

Just gonna smooth over any awkwardness.

Kate.

What's up, Lila?!

* Lila.

What's up? How are you?

What are you doing? What's going on?

Hi.

I was just wondering, um-- just totally random thought--

do you want to hang out with me?

Oh... yeah.

Right now

you want to hang out? I do.

Do you want to hang out with me?

Okay, yeah. That could be fun.

So fun!

I won't do that when we hang out. Ow.

Hey, thanks for plus-onening me to this elbow rub.

My pleasure.

You know, I think you really have something

with Rail Mail.

Oh, it's Rail Mall, actually, but thank you.

That means a ton coming from you.

I have read a lot about you

in different business journals.

You know the secret to a successful negotiation?

Yes, I do.

Trade something you can take now

for something you never have to deliver.

Oh, actually, no. Then I don't, no.

Thank you. You're very welcome.

Watch and learn.

I'm gonna go take that guy's crab puff.

Ooh, crab puff.

The lobster of crab appetizers.

Let the games begin.

Hey. You hear the mayor's going to be at this party?

Really? You want to meet him?

Yeah. It's gonna cost you two crab puffs.

MAN: You can have this one.

I'm keeping the last.

Hey, Ben. This is...

Carl! Ben!

Hey, good to see you! How are you, buddy?

You know what, the more that I think about it,

Santa Fe is the perfect place for your anniversary.

You know, plenty of art for Alice,

and that clear air will do wonders

for your bronchial issues.

Thanks, Ben.

Here. Have a crab puff.

Oh. Sure, yeah, I'd love a crab puff.

Thank you.

(chuckles): That is not fair.

You know that guy.

No, I met him, like, five minutes ago.

People skills-- kinda my thing.

We would make one hell of a team, Ben Fox.

Yes, we would.

Oh! Better than mine.

I feel like you're supposed to hit it

with the fatter end of the stick,

'cause there's more of a circumference...

Maybe if you choke up on it.

You choke up on it.

(chuckling)

This is really fun. You're fun.

You're fun.

I'm really sorry that I was so weird earlier.

Yeah, you seemed really nervous,

like we were on a first date or something.

I kind of felt like maybe you were gonna kiss me.

Oh, my God, no way.

I saw you and Tommy kiss before,

and that was, like, some movie kissing right there...

So what about you? Do you have a guy?

No. I did,

but it didn't-didn't really work out.

He didn't get along with my friends, and Ben.

That's a deal breaker.

That's why I'm really glad that you and I are hanging out,

'cause I want you to feel so comfortable

with all of Tommy's friends, especially me.

Yeah, I guess I feel a little bit of pressure

for us to get along.

Yeah, I know, and it must be weird, too,

because, like, you and I kind of look alike,

and I don't want you to think of me

as the girl that Tommy was in love with

for ten years, you know?

I want you to think of me

as the girl who is...

What's happening? I...

You did not know that.

Tommy was in love with you?

No, no, no, no, no. No. I mean, not like that.

We're friends. Friends say that to each other all the time.

Don't you say that to your friends?

I feel like you and I are friends now,

so I'm in love with you.

Is that her?

BJ, what are you doing here?

Hobnobbing.

Chewing the fat.

Also spying on you for Kate.

What? Ben, she's worried about you.

You're an adorable bichon frise

in a world of bloodthirsty street dogs,

and she doesn't want to see you get eaten.

Or forcibly mounted.

Oh, I am so sorry.

24-hour business cycle.

Right. You know. Hello.

(Southern accent): Howdy! Name's Judy.

I was just on my way to the bar to get a beer,

I ran into this son of a bitch!

Vera.

Oh, Vera, great to meet ya, Vera.

Great to meet ya. Put 'er there.

Oh...

Yeah. (cell phone ringing)

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to take this.

Vera, it's been a pleasure.

If you ever find yourself in Houston,

try to catch an Astros game.

(laughing loudly)

(normal voice): She is such a phony.

You are being crazy, okay?

It's my undercover character. Vera is

a believer in Rail Mall, and she's

a really good business partner.

She may be your business partner, Ben,

but she also wants to get into your business... parts-ner.

No, it's totally professional.

Oh, I don't think so.

(Southern accent): Oh, sorry. Aw, sorry.

Okay. Judy was just taking off.

Later.

'Kay. See you, Judy.

God, you know, she... I like Southern women.

Yeah. I am really, really sorry.

That's the last call of the night, I promise.

But the good news is...

I just closed a really big deal.

That's great! Oh, yeah.

You want to come back to my place and celebrate?

(nervous chuckle): Uh, no, I... I, ah...

But I just don't.

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I would.

(quiet chuckle) Thank you.

Mm. Good God!

You enjoy brandy?

Oh, we've met.

Mm.

This is a great place.

What is this, like, 3,500 square feet?

Yes, exactly. Really?

And, like, uh, 30-foot ceilings?

Yeah, that's right. Yeah?

What's the parking sitch like, three total spaces,

one on its own, two tandem?

You got it. And the doorman,

what are you tipping him at Christmas, huh?

Like, a tight two hundo plus a nice baked good?

You really know your stuff.

No, I just really like lofts.

Hmm. (soft chuckle)

Mm. Mm.

(cell phone ringing)

Ugh! It's my assistant.

My meeting got moved up to early tomorrow morning.

Well... we can talk business another time.

I'll get out of your hair. No, no.

(whispers): I want you in my hair.

Mm.

I really messed it up, BJ.

Hey, Tommy. Hey, Maddie.

Go brush your teeth.

Hey, Kate. What's up? Don't care.

How was your girl date with Lila? Also don't care.

Did you say something to her that might have ruined everything?

I'll answer that. Yes, you did,

and I care about that very deeply.

Tommy, I am so sorry, okay?

I was gonna tell you, but then I was just

calling her because I just wanted to fix it first.

I don't know that is fixable.

You have every right to be mad at me, but I kind of

assumed that you would've just told her about me.

Oh, yeah, 'cause, you know, that's a really

easy conversation: "Hey, girl I just started dating,

"meet the girl I've been in love with for a decade.

"You guys want to go split a thin-crust pizza

and get a garden salad?" Oh, my God.

I hate this! This is exactly

what I didn't want to have happen.

I just wanted things to be normal with her.

Why do you care if my girlfriend likes you?

Because I want you and me to be friends.

What are you talking about? We've been friends forever.

Yeah, but not really, Tommy, not like normal people.

There's always been that other thing between us.

I was afraid that if she didn't like me,

then what? Then I'm just gonna be

some girl that you used to be hung up on?

I don't want that to happen. So what do we do now?

What would your friend do?

She'd help me get my girlfriend back.

Then that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

And I promise you that I will

never, ever, ever mess anything up

between you guys ever again.

I hate having you mad at me.

It's very weird.

Yeah.

Sorry, I'll let you sort it out.

Work night!

Hey.

I got us a coffee box,

and a ton of cups-- you know, just in case

we leave them around and we don't know who's who,

you know, we can just throw 'em out and start over.

I just thought it'd be easier that way.

Love that. Yeah. Hey.

Mm.

Okay, whoa-whoa, easy, okay?

Tonight's about Rail Mall.

You got the "rail" part right.

(chuckling): That is... that is filthy.

And... in a way that I absolutely love.

But hey, hey, hey, look,

we got to get our plan together, okay,

so we can go to the bank.

Oh, Ben, I'm not going to the bank.

Look, this is for Rail Mall.

No, you don't understand.

I'm not doing Rail Mail.

It's, uh, it's... it's Rail Mall.

And what do you mean? You said we'd make a great team.

Yeah, for sex.

But, uh... Rail Mall,

it's, uh... (exhales) it's a bad idea.

Are you serious? How could you say that?

Uh, every aspect of the service

can be taken care of on a smartphone,

nobody rides the train anymore,

I keep calling it "Rail Mail."

Should I continue?

No, I think that's-- those are all pretty...

I got it.

Think you made your point.

Let me just tell you this.

Okay? You are

a deeply sophisticated and talented lover,

but you're a coldhearted person,

with an absolutely fantastic loft,

but a penchant for deceit.

So I'm gonna go.

You know what, but before I do, let me say this.

God, I lost it! God, I hate that.

Ah, it was right on the tip of my tongue

and then it was gone! Gone.

(frustrated grunt)

Ha!

I lost it again!

Aw.

(disgusted groan)

I can't believe that I thought

Vera was taking me seriously.

I guess she was just using me

for my Laird Hamilton-style surfer's body.

Ben, she actually told you how she does business.

She takes something in exchange for something else

that she never intends to deliver on.

So she took my Laird Hamilton-style surfer's body

and she never intended to deliver on Rail Mall?

BJ, you were right, you were right.

I'm such an idiot. Ben, listen,

I don't remember my mother's birthday.

In fact, sometimes I can't even remember her name.

(whispers): Is it Mandy?

It's Wendy. Wendy. Wendy.

But... here is what I do remember.

The Office Sleep System, the Aqua Lounger,

Bunk-Bed Pizzas, that popcorn that kills dogs.

That's not what that was. My point is,

these are all your ideas,

and they are all wonderfully weird enough

to stick in my alarmingly porous brain,

which means they could work!

Everything that you come up with is something that a drunk

or a mentally unstable person

might see late-night on TV

and think, "Yes! I could use that!"

And maybe even buy at least one.

And that's all it takes.

(whispers): And there are so many alcoholics

and crazy people.

You are right! I know.

I got to fight for Rail Mall!

(doorbell rings)

Hey, Shawn. You don't usually ring the doorbell.

No, I do not.

KATE: I thought you

wouldn't answer the door if you knew it was me.

You're not wrong.

I'm sorry.

I wanted to say no, but...

What are you doing here, Kate?

Um, I am here because...

I really, really screwed up, and I feel awful.

Well, Tommy should've told me how he felt about you--

everybody else knew-- and now I feel like an idiot.

Look, Tommy's the greatest guy in the world.

He would never do anything to hurt you on purpose.

He's my brother's best friend.

The thought of being with him is just weird.

So he's gross to you? No, he's just not my type.

Oh, so my type isn't good enough for you?

No, your type is great.

I don't need your approval.

Whoa.

Good work.

Listen, Tommy is

the sweetest man in the world.

Damn right he is.

And you guys are great together.

Like, believe me,

I've known him my whole life, and I've never

seen him this happy with a girl.

You guys just fit, and trust me,

that's... really difficult to find.

(sighs)

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

You're right.

I guess I should call him.

You don't need to.

Because I just happened to be passing by,

and I heard your conversation.

That's not true.

We set this up.

I was gonna hide behind the mailman, too, and...

on our test run, my hair was clearly visible.

Sorry, Lila.

You're so cute.

You're so cute.

You're so cute.

You're cuter than me. Come here.

(giggles)

Can I give this to you now?

I don't want to go to your house.

Cho, the numbers just don't add up.

MAN (on speakerphone): Those are just the pre-quarterlies...

Ben, I'm on a call.

Not anymore.

WOMAN: Oh, has someone else hopped on?

MAN: I'm getting some sort of clicking. Anyone else getting...

You're adjusting the volume.

What? Wha...

No. That's-- You're not doing anything.

Well, I don't...

What? Oh, and there goes my coffee grinder.

Listen to me, Vera.

Rail Mall is a billion-dollar juggernaut.

No, it's not. Studies have shown

that the motion of a train can spark consumer impulses.

Just 'cause you think it, it doesn't mean it's a study.

The idea can be adapted locally.

Okay? Link commuters to takeout restaurants

that are near their stops...

Wait.

You should've led with that.

What? A smartphone- based service

built around mass transit.

You order your dinner as you hop on the subway,

and then someone is there to hand it to you

right as you hop off. It's brilliant!

Yes. Rail Mall is brilliant.

That is what I've been trying to tell you.

Well, yeah, no, just that aspect of it,

and, you know, we got to change that name.

But I think with my business savvy

and your people skills, the sky's the limit!

Is this just a way to keep having sex with me?

No. This is a way for me to keep having sex with you

while we both get very, very rich.

(both moaning)

Yes!

WOMAN (on speakerphone): Guys, uh, we're still here.

MAN: Quiet, Sheila. I need this.

WOMAN: Sorry, Cho. MAN: Stop talking.

See, it's all gone, Kate. Everything.

It's a complete blank. Can't remember anything.

It's a wonder I remember to feed Winnie every day.

What's a Winnie?

My dog. You have a dog?

Yes, I do. I have a min pin, Winnie.

What pin? Miniature pinscher.

Winnie the... Winnie, my min pin.

Winnie your min pin? Yeah.

No, I did not know that you had a min pin.

You've seen him. I have not.

He's really thin and a little chin.

And you call her Winnie?

Yeah, a Chiriever.

Chirieva?

A Chihuahua and a retriever.

Those don't exist, BJ.

Yes, they do, because I've seen it happen,

and it's horrific, but they make really cute puppies.