Original subtitles

MAN (on TV): * Sleepy time sale at... (banging on door)

* Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleepy time, kids *

* Sleepy time sale...

Is this 10720-and-a-quarter Hemmingway Drive?

It is, indeed. Congratulations.

You passed my first test.

You see, I sent myself that package that you're holding.

I wanted to see if I could trust you.

What's your name? Uh, Shawn.

You see, Shawn, my sister and her daughter live

in that front house, so I need to know

what kind of shady characters are living on the block.

Uh, I'm not allowed to divulge any information

about people's mail.

No one's asking you to.

Thought we were asking him to.

I just want to make sure

nothing untoward is being delivered

to any of our neighbors.

You know, people across the street,

maybe that red-headed single guy on the corner.

What's that dude's story, Shawn?

Again, I'm not allowed to talk about that.

Seems like you want to, Shawn. You've had

multiple opportunities to get out of here.

Your silence is speaking volumes, Shawn.

I think we know who to keep an eye on.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Thank you, Shawn.

Um...

o-okay.

No, you open it. It's for you.

* Wake up

* Look around

* There's a feeling today

* Fall down

* Get up again

* Get in the game

* Hey, hey, hey

* We're all here anyway.

(ringing)

Hello?

Business school?

Oh, no. Sorry, not interested.

No, unless you're looking for a professor.

(chuckles)

Well, no. Unaccredited.

Hey, you called me, pal!

Ben, who was that?

Some business school cold-calling,

trying to drum up, of all things, business.

That was not a cold call, Ben.

They were calling me back.

I was thinking of taking some management classes.

(scoffs)

What? Really?

I don't know, what if I want to run my own business someday?

People who run businesses are born with a certain skill set:

thinking outside the box, leadership, resourcefulness.

You don't think I have the right skill set? I could do it!

Dye my hair gray and you could call me "The Silver Fox."

Doesn't mean I'm going to give you any of my brandy.

What?

Look, maybe I just don't want to be

a bar manager for the rest of my life.

Look, you don't have to, okay? Because I have that skill set.

Tommy and I are working on this awesome new idea,

and when it hits,

you don't have to work at the bar anymore.

(mocking): Oh, my God, really?

I'm so excited.

You and Tommy have a new idea?

That's great. I'm gonna start pricing vacation homes.

All right, well, take a beat. We're still in the planning stage,

Okay. but, yeah...

Do you actually think you're smarter than me?

No. No, I don't.

I just, um...

How can I explain this to you in a way that you'll understand it?

It's just not your strong suit

to think creatively and/or originally,

and that's kinda why

you always lost the Fox Hunt. What's a Fox Hunt?

It's a scavenger hunt your grandpa used to make us do. It was awesome!

At least, it was for me because I always won. I almost beat you

in '97, okay, and I would have beat you

the next year if it hadn't been cancelled.

Why'd it get cancelled? Because the day that we were supposed to do it,

your grandpa had to go live somewhere else.

With Step-Grandma Lorene?

I think it was pre-Lorene.

I want to say it was, like, Janice.

I think it was Diane. She had super-big hands.

Yeah, she could never get change out of her pocket,

but the point is

that I beat you in '97 and I would have beat you in '98.

You're my little sister, Kate.

I'm supposed to beat you at stuff,

but we'll never know, right?

What?

Hmm, hmm.

Boom!

I can't believe you kept that.

I keep everything, Ben.

That's actually kind of sweet.

Yeah, but it's not as sweet as it's gonna be

when I kick your sweet ass.

Felt weird right then when I said it. Don't ever call my ass "sweet."

I didn't. I didn't! Ever. Kate, it's disgusting!

Ben, shut up! I'm your brother!

KATE: He's basically saying

that I am a worker bee and he is a queen. Or a king.

A queen. Wait. The king. Do bees have kings, even?

Whatever. The point is it's insulting. Insulting.

Hmm.

And he thinks that he's so original and amazing

and superior, and he's not, obviously!

And I need you to help me to show him

that I'm not just this... I'm not his little sister anymore,

and that I'm, like... I'm an...

Do you know... are you listening to me?

Yeah, kind of.

Ben said something awful,

so now you want us to go on a... game show.

No. No.

The scavenger hunt. Scav... enger hunt. Scavenger hunt, yeah.

That my dad made for us... Your dad did.

when we were kids. Kids.

Yes. I... yeah.

BJ? Yeah?

I need you to be my partner.

It's gonna be really fun.

And good exercise. (groaning)

That's a very tempting sales pitch,

but absolutely not.

(crashing)

(laughing): Oh, God.

How do those pharaohs do it?

Are you really not going to help me?

Kate, I'm lazy. Alert the media.

Besides, I've also got to get all my stuff out of Jeremy's place.

That you broke up with three months ago. Mm-hmm.

Why is your stuff still at his place?

Because I'm lazy, Kate.

Alert the media again.

Follow-up special

tonight at 9:00.

BJ.

Please? Ah, don't do that face.

Please? Please?

Okay, fine. Yeah, I'll do it. Yay!

When is it? Tomorrow? Tomorrow.

Before we open, while Maddie's at school.

And it's gonna be so fun,

and we are gonna crush Ben and whoever he brings.

Well, Tommy, I imagine. No.

He's not bringing Tommy, and do you want to know why?

I'll tell you. Tommy is working all day tomorrow.

Booked solid teaching lessons at the country club.

What?

Advantage: Team Kate.

Now, the main important thing is

to keep your eye focused on the ball.

Tommy, I need you.

I'm in.

Dude, why does this say "winner"? You've never won.

Okay. You should... and it shouldn't be in blue.

That's kinda like first-place color.

Okay, you don't know. It should probably be, like, purple.

Strap in, BJ.

I was there for all the Fox Hunts, and things get ugly.

Okay, listen, you guys, eyes on me. Hello.

Inside this envelope are two identical lists.

We meet back here in three hours,

no more, no less.

The prize is that the loser has to do something for the winner

that is enclosed inside.

Okay, any questions?

Yes, BJ, go.

Um, guys, how do we feel about these sneakers?

I don't usually do flats,

but I'm actually really liking them.

I didn't even notice them.

I mean, they blend right into the outfit. Do you think so?

Thank you. BJ, those are stylish and they look comfortable.

Oh, Tommy! And that's a tricky intersection.

(all chattering)

Stop it! You guys, are you ready?

Okay, let the Fox Hunt begin.

(mimics trumpet fanfare)

No, you're on my team. Okay.

Run!

All right, so, Hawaii license plate.

You have one of those from that trip. Do I?

Yeah, the... I don't think...

Okay, that's uncalled for!

What is wrong with you?

Wow, while he's on the ground? Hey!

Ow! What is happening right now?

Ow! You're not supposed to slap a man with glasses!

That's not cool!

Look at this list.

We are totally gonna win, BJ.

"Capture a wild bird."

Ben is afraid of birds.

We are gonna crush these guys,

because do you know who our other teammates are?

Is one of them Jesus or something?

Preparation and hard work.

(groans)

Even worse.

Dude, we have a mounted fish

in the banquet room of the country club,

which should be empty, but I'll defer to you.

What do you want to do first?

Nothing.

What? What do you, what do you mean?

We're gonna let them win.

Okay, I don't understand that, but I love it.

Tomato juice, tomato juice.

Excuse me. Hi.

Do you, do you even have tomato juice here?

Hey. Stop it. No more.

No, no, no, no, no more running now, Kate.

Why? I'm-I'm getting really winded,

and these stupid, adorable little shoes

are giving me a blister.

Oh! Look at this: tomato juice.

I got it! Ten points.

Shh. Okay,

now we just need hot sauce, celery, horseradish...

Ooh, Bloody Marys. Yummy.

Mm-hmm, no. Um...

Kate, this whole part of the list

is just your parents making you shop for their groceries.

Oh, my, look at it!

It was super important to me

to win this thing when we were kids,

'cause my dad used to make,

like, a huge deal about me winning anything.

Participant medal?

They give those to everybody.

(scoffing): Another way to say "loser."

But I'm an adult now,

and Kate's got this bug up her butt about it,

so I just decided to let her have this one.

Now maybe the bug can exit her butt and rejoin its family.

(chuckling)

KATE: Where are we?

I thought you were taking us somewhere

where we could get a bunch of stuff for the list.

Now, a lot of that was true.

We are getting a bunch of stuff.

Is this Jeremy's apartment?

Does... Is it... Does Jeremy live here?

I just thought that you could pop in quickly

and, like, pick up some of my bits and bobs for me.

Just nip in.

Why? Because he thinks I'm dead.

That's kind of how I broke up with him.

No. We do not have time for this. Hey, hey.

Get down, get down!

Look at his pants!

Okay, go and talk to him. No!

Shh! Do it.

No, we only have an hour and a half left.

I am the leader of this team.

You need to start the car.

You have to do what I say.

(fake sobbing): It was so sudden,

and the most tragic part, Jeremy...

of her bad thing...

...is that I don't have anything to remember her by.

Not one thing.

I don't even have anything

like her grandmother's watch, or, like...

a pair of sunglasses.

(fake sobbing)

Or three pairs of high-heeled shoes.

(car horn honking) Four.

Four pairs of high-heeled shoes.

This is great. You know what, we needed this time

to work on the prototype anyway, right?

All right, kill the water. Got it.

All right, here goes nothing.

Body of a recliner. Soul of a water bed.

The Aqualounger 2 point oh...

Aw, dude, nice landing.

Okay, and reclining.

(groans)

Every man cave in America is gonna want one of these things.

It's gonna be huge, Ben. Yeah, it is.

Tommy, I'm stuck.

I can't... Help me.

It's riding up high in the front!

Ah! It hurts! Ow!

That thing is a death trap!

That thing will kill senior citizens!

Well, what if we just adjust the... No.

Nah, dude, we gotta put a hold on this thing.

This is beginning to feel like

the office sleep system all over again.

(chuckling)

(metal clattering)

I feel like a lot of the details were lost in translation

with that Hungarian manufacturer.

You know, we should grab

some Fox Hunt stuff and put it in a bag.

You know, so it at least looks like we tried.

And since the loser has to do

the winner's homework for a month,

and Kate obviously has no homework,

kinda perfect crime.

That's not what the paper said.

The paper said housework. No, it's said homework.

Nah, Ben, it said housework. Look.

"Loser will do the winner's...

BOTH: ...housework for one month."

That's what I said.

But Kate's housework is... everything.

How much time do we have left?

Less than 72 minutes. Start the car.

But what about...? Start the car!

Oh, man.

I thought you said this place would be empty.

I forgot, there was a private event.

It's the Donninger's 50th anniversary luncheon.

Unbelievable. I agree.

Walter says the secret

is to constantly keep surprising each other.

But if you ask me... Tommy,

we need that fish! (sighs)

Look, maybe we can pretend we're waiters or something.

Hey, Tommy.

Hey, Roger. How are you? Good to see you.

I can't pass as a waiter, Ben.

I'm beloved around here.

Well, we need a distraction.

I got it. I got it. Look at this.

"Sing a song in front of a large crowd."

20 points, dude. Boom! Two for one!

No!

Come on. I can't sing in public.

Look, man, maybe it's not such a bad thing

if we just let Kate win this thing. I mean...

No. Tommy, I'm her big brother.

Losing to her is against the laws of nature.

Don't you think that a room full of old, rich white people

are gonna think it's weird

if a black guy is just singing for their entertainment?

* When the night has come

* And the land is dark

* And the moon is the only light we see *

* No, I won't be afraid

* No, I won't be afraid *

* Just as long as you stand... *

No, please don't stand.

* Stand by me

* So, darlin', darlin', stand... *

Okay, half this stuff that you got from him

doesn't even belong to me.

I cannot believe

he is seeing someone else

so soon after I was essentially decapitated, Kate.

I'm keeping this. I really need you to focus.

Okay, we only have 45 minutes left.

Look, we're gonna take the hunting knife...

Yeah. For... ten points.

Yeah. And then one

of those autographed balls for another ten.

(air hissing) What are you doing?! Why?

I am angry and upset,

and I was curious what sound it would make.

Who does that?!

What are you doing?

And what did you do to my Rebecca Lobo basketball?!

You can't take my stuff! Well, I already did, so, boo-hoo. (laughs)

Looks like you're gonna have to use your superior brain

to try and win another way. Maybe you should

be outside trying to catch a bird.

Oh, wait. You're scared of birds.

Ha. Okay, first of all, I'm not scared of birds, okay?

They're just gross, disgusting, unnatural, and I hate them.

Second of all, I wasn't saying

that I was smarter, okay?

We're just different. I'm sizzle.

You know, you're steak.

You're a think, I'm a doer. Are you a doer?

What have you actually ever done?

Where are all your patents?

Where's your million dollar business?

You live in my garage, dude.

You sleep five feet away from a hot plate.

I'm inventing a new soup!

You start a lot of things, but you never, ever finish.

Wow.

Tommy, do you think you'd cry if I died?

I'll tell you one thing I am gonna finish.

What, that sentence? No, you're not.

I'm taking this. Taking both.

I think this is the perfect opportunity

for you two to have an open dialogue.

The gloves are off, Tommy.

It's time to go nuc-u-lar.

I think it's pronounced nuclear. Nuclear?

It's nuclear. It's nuc-u-lar.

I don't think you need to take it there, Ben.

I have no choice. She made it personal, okay?

Now I've got to bust out a big, bold move,

even if it means playing dirty.

Hi. Hi. I'm Kate Fox.

I'm Maddie's mom. I got a call that she was sick.

Oh, really? Maddie, are you sick?

No. I'm fine.

Hey, baby. Um, what's going on?

Your brother called us.

He said you were picking her up

because you're gonna take her on a family outing.

Is everything okay?

Well, I have an epic blister,

and my former lover forgot to grieve my murder, so...

no, everything isn't okay.

Mom, did I make you lose the game?

No, baby. No. I wasn't having any fun,

so I came to pick you up.

Can I sign her out for the day?

Sure. Thanks.

You smell like alcohol.

KATE: One... One-ten.

We're not gonna make it, BJ!

We don't have enough points.

Oh, no!

(sighs) It's over.

Ben had a great idea, and he wins again.

It's just a stupid game. It's fine.

Well... I'm glad you're not upset.

Of course I'm upset,

because he was right about me.

I'm not the resourceful one,

and I'm not a leader, whatever, like he is.

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

You are the most resourceful person I know.

Everything that happened today--

who had the answers? Hmm? You.

In your head,

or in your extremely unflattering, magical handbag.

(sighs)

That's just being a mom, BJ.

Which happened by surprise.

You're incredible with that child.

If it had been me today at the school, I would have told her

she was a crippling handicap and lost the game for us.

But you somehow managed to pretend to be happy to see her.

(laughs) I don't know how you do it, Kate.

You know what? You're actually right.

Why do you always say "actually" when I'm right?

I'm the ultimate outside-of-the-box thinker.

I'm a single mom.

Yeah, you are. I can be a leader.

Yeah. I am a leader.

Go, Kate! This starts now.

You have not done anything all day,

so you are gonna get off your ass,

and you're gonna help me win this Fox Hunt.

I built you up, and it just explodes in my face.

You're gonna make this about you?

I don't think I can get up. Get up.

Hey, remind me to get a picture of the look

on her face when she loses.

I want to make it the background on my phone.

Now, see, this is exactly why I hate the Fox Hunt, man.

Oh, check it. There they are.

Hand me the nautical telescope.

Oh, no, no, that's not Kate.

That woman's leading a small army of people. That's...

No. Kate would... She'd never...

Oh, my God.

Tommy, we need more points.

Uh... Uh...

Uh...

No. No, Ben. Tommy.

I'll meet you at the finish line.

Okay, you guys, we have three minutes. We have to get all

of this stuff, and then we have to run to the finish line, okay?

Yes. I'm too tired. Can you carry me?

Oh, well... Oh, okay.

Okay. Uh, come on. (sighs)

We're gonna need to take two trips. No. BJ, I have been carrying

ten grocery bags on one arm and a small child on the other

once a week for six years.

We are not taking two trips.

Fine. Fine.

*

*

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay. Drop the bear.

Okay. I couldn't get him.

We needed that. It was unruly. Oh!

I don't know why those stupid things exist!

The thing was all over the place. Aah!

How many points do you guys have?

How many do you have?

She asked you first.

(mutters) 190.

How many do we have? You have 190?

BOTH: Yeah. After all that.

Oh, God. 'Cause we have 200.

Oh! Ah, cheese and rice!

(Tommy groans) Ah, shish kabob.

(gasping) Dude.

KATE: We have 200 points.

TOMMY: Dude, wait, wait.

Dude, there's still eight second left.

That gets us to 210.

(laughs) Still undefeated champion!

In your face!

(whoops)

Get it!

Still undefeated champ... No! No!

Yes! Yes! BEN: No, no! No!

And that's time.

Mommy, did we win? Yes, we won.

We won. I finally beat Uncle Ben.

It's unofficial. We still...

There's still a lot of... It's got to go through the system.

Let's do the we won dance.

* We won! I-I barely care.

It's, like, not even a big deal to me.

I want to apologize for what I said earlier

about you never finishing anything.

Yeah. When did you get so mean? Dude,

you say mean stuff to me all the time.

Yeah, but that's me, like, making fun of you.

What you said was... true.

None of my ideas have paid off yet.

It's because you give up too easily.

Take the Aqualounger 2.0.

Body of a recliner

BOTH: ...and the soul of a water bed.

Yeah, we had to put that thing on hold.

Oh. You know,

it's weird on the... on, like, the...

It's, like, nice, but then, it's weird

on your back when you try to get out of it.

Yeah, we need to put, like, a couple safety bars,

and, like, a kill switch... situation. Oh!

Tommy thinks ejection seat, but I don't...

I still have reservations about that or something.

Do you know why I wanted to take those management classes?

I want to open my own bar some day.

But you're a girl. (laughs)

I'm just kidding. You'd be awesome at that.

All I know so far is that I-I want to have,

like, a wide variety of gluten-free beers and...

Ew. ...spirulina chips, and...

That's so gross.

That's a horrible idea. Seriously.

You should take those classes, though.

Whatever you need, I got your back.

Well, that reminds me, because I know

that you must be going through a really difficult time right now,

um, having just lost the Fox Hunt to your younger sister.

That it was incredibly emasculating.

So, I thought that you should have a little prize

for participating.

That is my old spelling medal.

Mm-hmm.

I threw this away. How do you still have this?

'Cause I got your back, too, dumb-dumb.

Wow.

That's...

What's wrong?

Ooh.

Uncle Ben's gonna cry. No, I'm not.

Yes, he is.

There's tears in your eyes.

I'm not. Oh, my God.

I'm not crying. I just need a second alone.

There's tissues by the sink, Ben.

I don't need them! Okay.

He's gonna cry.

(crying)

Get it together, dude!

Get it together, you stupid dude!

God, I didn't have that medal for so long!

(crying)

You're a man! You're a man! You're a hard man!

Yeah, you did it.

You're the best stopper of crying in the world!

(crying) What are you doing? What are you doing?

(laughs)

I'll see you again in five years,

you son of a bitch.