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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:03,950
Yes, yeah!
2
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:05,820
Whoo!
3
00:00:05,820 --> 00:00:07,490
Yeah!
4
00:00:07,490 --> 00:00:09,360
Yes! Whoo!
5
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:11,960
Chug, Francine!
Whoo!
6
00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:16,700
Whoo!
7
00:00:17,700 --> 00:00:19,700
Whoa, what's the party for?
8
00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:21,640
Stan's uncle died!
9
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,370
And left us a ton of cash, baby.
10
00:00:24,380 --> 00:00:26,310
A toast to me.
11
00:00:26,310 --> 00:00:27,510
I told you if we stayed in touch
12
00:00:27,510 --> 00:00:28,910
with Uncle Mitch
it would pay off.
13
00:00:28,910 --> 00:00:30,380
Is this why you always laughed
14
00:00:30,380 --> 00:00:32,250
at his terrible racist jokes?
15
00:00:32,250 --> 00:00:34,250
Yeah, it's one of the reasons.
16
00:00:36,050 --> 00:00:39,260
I guess we should talk about
what to do with this 5 grand.
17
00:00:39,260 --> 00:00:40,520
How about a trip?
18
00:00:40,530 --> 00:00:41,860
Maybe to New York.
19
00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:43,790
I've always wanted to try
a calzone.
20
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,260
Calzone?
21
00:00:45,260 --> 00:00:47,400
It's New York City, baby.
22
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:49,530
I'm getting a turkey sandwich.
23
00:00:49,530 --> 00:00:51,470
A trip?
What a waste of money.
24
00:00:51,470 --> 00:00:52,540
Why don't we just pour the cash
25
00:00:52,540 --> 00:00:53,870
down the drain with Uncle Mitch?
26
00:00:53,870 --> 00:00:55,810
We need to invest this money.
27
00:00:55,810 --> 00:00:57,740
I think we all just want
a vacation.
28
00:00:57,740 --> 00:00:59,940
We just went on that trip
to Fort Lauderdale.
29
00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:02,610
Sure, it was fun at the time,
but look at us now.
30
00:01:02,610 --> 00:01:03,880
We have nothing to show for it.
31
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,020
We have all the great
family memories.
32
00:01:06,020 --> 00:01:07,350
Memories are useless.
33
00:01:07,350 --> 00:01:08,550
What can I do with memories?
34
00:01:08,550 --> 00:01:09,820
Write a memoir?
35
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,150
You think
I'm the new Chelsea Handler?
36
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,420
Well, I'm not.
There's only one Chelsea Handler
37
00:01:13,430 --> 00:01:14,760
and she's a goddess.
38
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:16,830
Dad, we all worship
Chelsea Handler.
39
00:01:16,830 --> 00:01:18,090
Keep her name out of your mouth!
40
00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:19,960
Let's have a family vote.
41
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:24,430
Who wants to use the money
to buy a vacation to New York?
42
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,000
Who's for investing the money?
43
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:32,110
Oh, yeah!
Uncle Mitch is dead!
44
00:01:34,650 --> 00:01:36,980
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
45
00:01:36,980 --> 00:01:41,180
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
46
00:01:41,190 --> 00:01:44,190
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
47
00:01:44,190 --> 00:01:48,590
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
48
00:01:50,260 --> 00:01:53,730
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
49
00:01:53,730 --> 00:01:56,330
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
50
00:01:56,330 --> 00:01:57,430
Aah!
51
00:01:58,670 --> 00:02:01,970
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
52
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:07,340
I thought we were booking
our New York trip.
53
00:02:07,350 --> 00:02:08,750
Why are we at Costco?
54
00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:11,210
Someone's not listening
to my podcast.
55
00:02:11,220 --> 00:02:13,420
Costco has a travel agency.
I devoted a whole...
56
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:21,090
We need those leather jackets
if we are going to New York.
57
00:02:21,090 --> 00:02:24,090
Stan, we can't go to New York
without leather jackets.
58
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:26,100
Lena Dunham will kick our asses.
59
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:28,360
We may have our differences,
but I'm not an idiot.
60
00:02:28,370 --> 00:02:31,700
I know we need leather jackets
to go to New York.
61
00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:33,640
Okay, you guys grab the jackets.
62
00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:34,910
I'm gonna go
and talk to a travel agent
63
00:02:34,910 --> 00:02:36,670
and get us a sweet deal.
64
00:02:38,510 --> 00:02:39,910
I want to book a trip
to New York.
65
00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,710
All right, when would you like
to fly out?
66
00:02:41,710 --> 00:02:44,850
Fly? Who am I,
the CEO of Amazon?
67
00:02:44,850 --> 00:02:46,920
I want to say John or Josh
something.
68
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,920
How much will you charge me
if I walk there?
69
00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:50,190
Um, nothing.
70
00:02:50,190 --> 00:02:51,190
That's a good start.
71
00:02:51,190 --> 00:02:53,060
Excuse me,
but I've been listening,
72
00:02:53,060 --> 00:02:56,390
and I can tell you are someone
who knows the value of a dollar.
73
00:02:56,390 --> 00:02:57,730
I do!
Come with me.
74
00:02:57,730 --> 00:02:59,800
I like this.
Not enough strangers
75
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:01,860
physically escort you places.
76
00:03:04,470 --> 00:03:06,540
Today's your lucky day,
77
00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:07,740
because I'm about to offer you
78
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:10,840
a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.
79
00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:35,500
I'm offering you
the North American rights
80
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:38,500
to the off-Broadway show
"Stomp,"
81
00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:39,900
all for the low price of...
82
00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:41,570
I will pay whatever you want.
83
00:03:45,510 --> 00:03:47,910
Stan, where did you go?
84
00:03:47,910 --> 00:03:50,180
Costco search and rescue
looked for hours
85
00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:52,580
and then declared you
legally dead.
86
00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:53,920
We just read your will.
87
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:55,790
I'm glad you're alive,
but for the record,
88
00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:58,250
my basketball is not yours
to give away.
89
00:03:58,260 --> 00:03:59,860
Well, you're gonna forget
all about that
90
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:00,990
when you hear my news.
91
00:04:02,190 --> 00:04:03,530
Ow!
92
00:04:03,530 --> 00:04:04,590
What is he doing?
93
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:05,860
Mama, make him stop!
94
00:04:05,860 --> 00:04:07,860
Stan, you're upsetting
the children.
95
00:04:07,870 --> 00:04:09,200
Fine.
96
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,730
Does anyone in this family
like Broadway?
97
00:04:11,740 --> 00:04:13,870
Really, Dad?
We're going to Broadway?!
98
00:04:13,870 --> 00:04:16,670
Nope, Broadway is coming to us.
99
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,140
What'd you say, Big Daddy?
100
00:04:18,140 --> 00:04:21,480
I used the vacation money
to buy "Stomp."
101
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,150
Wait, is "Stomp" the one
where they're all painted blue?
102
00:04:24,150 --> 00:04:25,550
No,
that's "Jersey Boys."
103
00:04:25,550 --> 00:04:27,820
"Stomp" was
a huge Broadway hit in the '90s
104
00:04:27,820 --> 00:04:29,350
that put New York on the map.
105
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,420
It incorporates
rhythms, acrobatics,
106
00:04:31,420 --> 00:04:33,960
pantomime, and brooms!
Here, watch this.
107
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:39,300
The [bleep] was that?
108
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,630
The family voted for a vacation.
109
00:04:41,630 --> 00:04:43,900
This is so much better
than a vacation.
110
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,300
We're gonna make
buttloads of money
111
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:47,240
and then you can buy
all the memories you want.
112
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:50,940
You, sir, have broken
a buttload of hearts.
113
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,510
Stan, I love this.
114
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:55,980
I've always wanted to be part
of a Broadway show.
115
00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:57,580
Ooh, can I be your assistant?
116
00:04:57,580 --> 00:04:59,180
Really?
Yeah, sure.
117
00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:02,250
My first order of business
will be to fetch you some sorbet
118
00:05:02,250 --> 00:05:03,590
in the shape of a penis.
119
00:05:03,590 --> 00:05:04,790
What? Why?
120
00:05:04,790 --> 00:05:06,260
I'm trying to show initiative.
121
00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:07,790
I thought you'd be happy.
122
00:05:07,790 --> 00:05:09,860
Oh, please don't tell me
you're one of those bosses
123
00:05:09,860 --> 00:05:17,860
who can never be happy.
124
00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:21,270
Hideki, first thing...
Love the picture and résumé.
125
00:05:21,270 --> 00:05:24,740
You don't see a lot of nudes.
126
00:05:24,740 --> 00:05:27,710
I'll just, uh, hang on to this.
127
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,950
Rockin' Ronnie here
with Stan Smith,
128
00:05:31,950 --> 00:05:33,680
the man who's given
this whole town
129
00:05:33,690 --> 00:05:36,090
a terrible case
of "Stomp" fever.
130
00:05:36,090 --> 00:05:37,690
Stan, people are going bonkers
131
00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:39,090
waiting for your show to open.
132
00:05:39,090 --> 00:05:40,560
Let's take some callers.
133
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,490
I love "Stomp,"
134
00:05:42,490 --> 00:05:45,830
and I was sadly out of town
for the audition process,
135
00:05:45,830 --> 00:05:48,630
so I'd like to audition now.
136
00:05:48,630 --> 00:05:50,700
Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!
137
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:51,840
Clap, clap!
138
00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,700
Broom, broom, broom!
139
00:05:53,710 --> 00:05:55,570
Trash can lids!
140
00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:57,170
Brooooom!
141
00:05:57,180 --> 00:05:59,840
Yeah, everyone's very excited.
142
00:05:59,850 --> 00:06:01,110
What do you say we give
some tickets away
143
00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,250
at the top of the hour?
Wish we could
144
00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:04,450
but the show's all sold out.
145
00:06:04,450 --> 00:06:05,720
Why are you here
promoting the show
146
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,250
if it's totally sold out?
147
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:09,790
Why don't you ever play
Toad the Wet Sprocket?
148
00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:14,320
Because Toad slept with my wife,
Stan.
149
00:06:14,330 --> 00:06:17,660
Awkwaaard!
150
00:06:20,270 --> 00:06:22,400
It's cray-cray-donkulous.
151
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,130
Ever since you bought "Stomp,"
152
00:06:24,140 --> 00:06:27,600
I've been getting the most
amazing treatment around town.
153
00:06:27,610 --> 00:06:28,870
See these earrings?
154
00:06:28,870 --> 00:06:32,080
Everyone at CVS saw me
shoplift them,
155
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,080
but nobody said nothing.
156
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:37,010
My weed dealer let me play
with his tarantula.
157
00:06:37,020 --> 00:06:39,020
Principal Lewis showed up
in my math class
158
00:06:39,020 --> 00:06:41,080
and presented me
with an old bowling trophy.
159
00:06:41,090 --> 00:06:42,350
It was pretty cool.
160
00:06:42,350 --> 00:06:44,220
He was sweating pretty bad.
161
00:06:44,220 --> 00:06:48,230
For Mr. "Stomp" and his family,
compliments of the chef.
162
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,030
Wow, Dad, I'm sorry.
163
00:06:51,030 --> 00:06:53,160
Buying "Stomp" was a great idea.
164
00:06:53,170 --> 00:06:55,300
Guys, you don't have
to apologize.
165
00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:59,500
A simple singing of
the "Wrong Song" is all I need.
166
00:06:59,510 --> 00:07:02,170
♪ You were right,
so, so right ♪
167
00:07:02,170 --> 00:07:04,370
♪ And we were oh, so wrong ♪
168
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:06,840
♪ You are smart
and we are dumb ♪
169
00:07:06,850 --> 00:07:09,580
♪ That's why we sing
this song ♪
170
00:07:09,580 --> 00:07:14,850
♪ We're idiooots ♪
171
00:07:19,060 --> 00:07:21,790
Man, if that house was
any more packed,
172
00:07:21,790 --> 00:07:22,990
it'd be my wife's suitcase
173
00:07:22,990 --> 00:07:25,060
when we're just going away
for the weekend.
174
00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:32,340
We want 'Stomp'!
175
00:07:32,340 --> 00:07:33,340
Opening night.
176
00:07:33,340 --> 00:07:34,600
Feel the electricity.
177
00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:35,670
How's my cast?
178
00:07:35,670 --> 00:07:36,810
To tell you the truth,
179
00:07:36,810 --> 00:07:38,270
we're a little nervous, Stan.
180
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:39,610
We haven't rehearsed at all.
181
00:07:39,610 --> 00:07:41,610
In fact, we never even met
the director.
182
00:07:41,610 --> 00:07:44,010
Director? What do you think
this is, a movie?
183
00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:45,680
You didn't hire a director?
184
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,220
All the direction you need
is right there in the title...
185
00:07:48,220 --> 00:07:50,490
Stomp. Just go out there
and do it.
186
00:07:50,490 --> 00:07:52,960
Feet, broom, floor.
Now, come on,
187
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,220
this audience
paid 100 bucks a ticket.
188
00:07:54,230 --> 00:07:55,630
Let's give them
their money's worth.
189
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:09,910
What the frick is this?!
190
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:14,040
We got to get
the hell out of here.
191
00:08:15,710 --> 00:08:17,250
Well, bad news...
192
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:19,320
The angry mob destroyed my SUV.
193
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,250
But good news,
they spared Jeff's van.
194
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:23,920
That "coexist" bumper sticker
195
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,320
has gotten me out
of a lot of jams.
196
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,390
Religion is the great unifier.
197
00:08:29,530 --> 00:08:30,590
Oh, look at that,
198
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,330
our house is on fire.
199
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,340
Three weeks on the road
and we're broke.
200
00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:41,200
This Luna Bar is our last meal
until...
201
00:08:41,210 --> 00:08:43,470
we start eating
the leather jackets.
202
00:08:43,470 --> 00:08:45,010
- Never!
- Never!
203
00:08:45,010 --> 00:08:46,140
Look, I'm sorry, guys,
204
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:48,210
but this is what you wanted,
right?
205
00:08:48,210 --> 00:08:49,550
We're making memories.
206
00:08:49,550 --> 00:08:51,680
Remember when that coyote
attacked Steve?
207
00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:53,820
Or how about when the coyote
attacked Hayley?
208
00:08:53,820 --> 00:08:56,420
And who can forget...
Yes, we all remember
209
00:08:56,420 --> 00:08:58,820
that coyote
you tried to domesticate.
210
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,160
Nice leather jackets.
211
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:04,230
Big fan.
212
00:09:04,230 --> 00:09:06,560
License and registration.
213
00:09:06,570 --> 00:09:08,700
Sir, this isn't
your registration.
214
00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:11,840
It's... the North American rights
to "Stomp"?
215
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:13,170
You should do a show here.
216
00:09:13,170 --> 00:09:15,170
Sorry, but our theater days
are behind us.
217
00:09:15,170 --> 00:09:16,310
He's kidding.
218
00:09:16,310 --> 00:09:17,570
We're still doing "Stomp,"
219
00:09:17,580 --> 00:09:19,840
and we're bringing it
to your town.
220
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,040
Spread the word.
221
00:09:21,050 --> 00:09:22,050
You got it!
222
00:09:22,050 --> 00:09:25,520
Hey, I'll miss you guys.
223
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:26,780
Francine, what are you doing?
224
00:09:26,790 --> 00:09:28,050
We don't have any performers.
225
00:09:28,050 --> 00:09:29,450
We'll be the performers,
226
00:09:29,450 --> 00:09:32,320
and this time,
we'll do it right.
227
00:09:34,730 --> 00:09:35,590
You ripped us off!
228
00:09:35,590 --> 00:09:38,530
What the hell?
229
00:09:38,530 --> 00:09:40,730
I thought we were gonna do
"Stomp" for real this time.
230
00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:43,600
We were going to,
but it just seemed like
231
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:44,600
a whole lot of work.
232
00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,740
So while you were out
selling tickets,
233
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:47,600
we were drinking 40s
234
00:09:47,610 --> 00:09:49,140
and getting super
into tetherball.
235
00:09:49,140 --> 00:09:50,940
I started out the worst, Stan,
236
00:09:50,940 --> 00:09:52,410
but now I'm second best.
237
00:09:52,410 --> 00:09:55,610
We realized we could just say
we were putting on a show
238
00:09:55,610 --> 00:09:57,610
and then drive away
with all the ticket money.
239
00:09:57,620 --> 00:10:00,820
So now we go from town to town
doing this.
240
00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:02,290
Ripping people off?
241
00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:03,550
Won't that make us bad people?
242
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:06,220
No, we're tricking them,
and in my experience,
243
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:07,690
people love being tricked.
244
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,830
Hey, Jeff,
what's that over there?
245
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,030
See?
Well, I'm sold.
246
00:10:15,030 --> 00:10:17,570
And I'm a famously tough sell.
247
00:10:24,510 --> 00:10:27,040
And the dancers
are always going...
248
00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:30,310
What else do they do?
249
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,650
Oh, you're gonna have
250
00:10:31,650 --> 00:10:35,520
to buy a ticket to find out.
251
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,720
Surprise!
252
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:37,850
It's me, Hayley!
253
00:10:37,860 --> 00:10:39,460
Who the hell is Hayley?
254
00:10:39,460 --> 00:10:41,460
The gal with
the "Stomp" tickets.
255
00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:48,800
Ah, that's a gimme.
256
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,200
Why don't you celebrate your
hole in one with a little...
257
00:10:53,470 --> 00:10:56,870
Wait, I know what
this stranger's talking about.
258
00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,480
It's "Stomp"!
259
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,810
Young man, those are
expensive golf clubs.
260
00:11:01,810 --> 00:11:04,880
You can't bang 'em around
like some "Problem Child 2."
261
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:08,080
Or can you?
262
00:11:11,290 --> 00:11:12,760
Here's 50 bucks.
263
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,690
And you just bought yourself
a ticket to "Stomp."
264
00:11:15,690 --> 00:11:17,090
But I was only paying
for the blow...
265
00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:18,500
That was free!
266
00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:23,970
Hot damn, it feels good
to rip people off!
267
00:11:23,970 --> 00:11:27,300
Oh, man, look at those
small-town morons chasing us.
268
00:11:27,310 --> 00:11:28,510
Stan, slow down a little.
269
00:11:28,510 --> 00:11:30,310
Steve, why don't you serve
our friends up
270
00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:32,480
a little pressed ham.
271
00:11:36,180 --> 00:11:39,050
Oh, yeah, they're hungry for it,
Steve.
272
00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:45,460
Roger, I told you to go
to the gas station today.
273
00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:47,920
I did, but there were
some college kids there
274
00:11:47,930 --> 00:11:49,260
and I wanted to impress them
275
00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:50,460
and I couldn't think
of anything cool,
276
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,860
so I deepthroated the nozzle
277
00:11:51,860 --> 00:11:53,600
and guzzled $80 of gas.
278
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,400
You idiot! Relax.
Just punch it when I say.
279
00:11:59,870 --> 00:12:02,740
Guys, th-this ham's
getting overcooked.
280
00:12:02,740 --> 00:12:04,670
You can pull up your pants
at any time.
281
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,140
Go, go!
282
00:12:06,150 --> 00:12:07,740
Ahh.
283
00:12:10,820 --> 00:12:11,950
Look at me.
284
00:12:11,950 --> 00:12:14,550
I got my son's ass
against my window,
285
00:12:14,550 --> 00:12:16,550
my alien's dick in my gas tank,
286
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,890
and nothing but the open road
in front of me.
287
00:12:18,890 --> 00:12:21,960
And here comes God
with the cherry on top.
288
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,160
Let's celebrate.
289
00:12:24,630 --> 00:12:25,760
♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪
290
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:28,170
♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪
291
00:12:35,170 --> 00:12:36,310
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
292
00:12:36,310 --> 00:12:40,110
♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪
293
00:12:40,110 --> 00:12:41,240
♪ Ba du bop, ba du ♪
294
00:12:43,580 --> 00:12:46,050
Did someone order a ham slider?
295
00:12:47,190 --> 00:12:48,190
Yeah, yeah!
296
00:12:48,190 --> 00:12:50,820
Being mean is fun!
297
00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:58,060
Another day,
another town full of suckers.
298
00:12:58,060 --> 00:12:59,260
Patron of the arts.
299
00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:01,260
More like morons of the farts.
300
00:13:01,270 --> 00:13:03,200
What a way with words.
301
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,470
Give me some
of that silver tongue.
302
00:13:05,470 --> 00:13:07,800
Yeah!
French him, Mom.
303
00:13:09,670 --> 00:13:11,670
Look who's skipping out again.
304
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:12,810
Sorry, we don't remember you.
305
00:13:12,810 --> 00:13:15,340
We've swindled a lot of people.
306
00:13:15,350 --> 00:13:17,210
Funny.
Let's see how funny you are
307
00:13:17,220 --> 00:13:18,720
with my gun in your mouth.
308
00:13:27,430 --> 00:13:29,690
Okay, that was funny.
309
00:13:29,690 --> 00:13:31,230
But that doesn't change the fact
310
00:13:31,230 --> 00:13:33,230
that you guys
are in deep trouble.
311
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,960
If you want your money back,
sorry,
312
00:13:34,970 --> 00:13:36,830
we spent all of it
to have Young MC play
313
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,240
at Klaus' birthday party.
314
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:39,500
It was freezing out.
315
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,040
For some reason, he wore shorts.
316
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,570
He said he wasn't cold,
but he had goose bumps
317
00:13:42,570 --> 00:13:44,040
all over his legs.
318
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,110
That's all I can remember.
319
00:13:45,110 --> 00:13:47,510
Well, if we can't get our money,
320
00:13:47,510 --> 00:13:49,580
we're getting that show.
321
00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:52,950
And it better be good,
or else you're dead.
322
00:13:56,990 --> 00:13:58,860
Do it!
323
00:14:19,140 --> 00:14:22,210
Are we good at this?
324
00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:23,480
How is it possible?
325
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,950
I guess during the past year
326
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,550
when we were pitching the show,
327
00:14:26,550 --> 00:14:28,220
we must've learned how to stomp.
328
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,370
Stop the play!
329
00:14:48,370 --> 00:14:50,710
I'm from New York City.
330
00:14:50,710 --> 00:14:52,310
He's wearing a scarf!
331
00:14:52,310 --> 00:14:53,580
Let him speak!
332
00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:55,240
I'm a producer...
333
00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:56,510
A very important person
334
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,250
to a very small segment
of people.
335
00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:01,780
You simply must come with me
and do this show on Broadway.
336
00:15:01,790 --> 00:15:03,050
Did you hear that, family?
337
00:15:03,050 --> 00:15:04,990
We finally get to go
to New York City.
338
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:09,530
Mm! I can almost taste
that Times Square turkey.
339
00:15:09,530 --> 00:15:12,400
And we got what we wanted...
Half a show.
340
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:13,530
Good luck in New York!
341
00:15:15,270 --> 00:15:16,930
Wait.
342
00:15:16,940 --> 00:15:19,070
There's one thing that stands
343
00:15:19,070 --> 00:15:21,600
between you and New York City.
344
00:15:21,610 --> 00:15:23,670
Do you have a leather jacket?
345
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,540
We have 10.
346
00:15:32,550 --> 00:15:33,950
Stomp!
347
00:15:33,950 --> 00:15:35,020
Mazel tov!
348
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,490
Let's go Mets and Yankees!
349
00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:38,620
Our clam chowder is red!
350
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:41,890
Francine, Hayley, Steve?
351
00:15:41,890 --> 00:15:44,760
Anyone up for a little tai chi
in Central P?
352
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,900
They all left
right after the show.
353
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:47,900
Again?
354
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:50,030
Do you want to hit up C Park
with me?
355
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,300
I can't.
356
00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:52,570
I'm a ghost.
357
00:15:52,570 --> 00:15:55,710
I died in this very theater
in 1927.
358
00:15:55,710 --> 00:15:59,240
Only a kiss will free me
from haunting this realm.
359
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,410
Please, sir, a kiss?
360
00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:04,580
You stupid idiot.
361
00:16:04,580 --> 00:16:08,150
I'm not a ghost,
I'm a perverted boy.
362
00:16:10,790 --> 00:16:14,720
Morning, Steve. I made a big
family breakfast like old times.
363
00:16:14,730 --> 00:16:16,390
Wait, wait, wait.
I got a joke here.
364
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,990
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
365
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,930
Not me.
I have brunch plans with Diane.
366
00:16:20,930 --> 00:16:22,330
Diane?
367
00:16:22,330 --> 00:16:23,400
Steve's girlfriend.
368
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:24,670
It's pretty serious.
369
00:16:24,670 --> 00:16:28,000
She's 50, but she looks 57.
370
00:16:28,010 --> 00:16:29,470
Sorry, we have to run.
371
00:16:29,470 --> 00:16:32,340
Oh, we were supposed to be
at the gallery ages ago.
372
00:16:32,340 --> 00:16:33,810
Gallery?
373
00:16:33,810 --> 00:16:36,350
Jeff is one of New York's
premier underground artists.
374
00:16:36,350 --> 00:16:39,480
See ya. On Tuesdays,
I play melancholy violin music
375
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,420
on a subway platform.
376
00:16:41,420 --> 00:16:43,820
Francine,
what has happened to us?
377
00:16:43,820 --> 00:16:46,090
This family used to be so close.
378
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:47,620
Now the only time
we spend together
379
00:16:47,630 --> 00:16:49,360
is on stage
when we're performing.
380
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,900
I hear ya, but can we talk
about it during "Stomp" tonight?
381
00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,560
I don't want to be late
for my first day
382
00:16:54,570 --> 00:16:56,100
writing
on "Law & Order."
383
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,100
What are you doing today?
Oh, I'm busy, Stan.
384
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,300
I've got a big day
of staring out this window
385
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:02,440
and reporting our neighbors
to the FBI.
386
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:03,770
You don't have to be right.
387
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:05,370
You just have to have a phone.
388
00:17:05,380 --> 00:17:07,310
They're all happy.
389
00:17:07,310 --> 00:17:10,050
Maybe I'm not giving this town
a chance.
390
00:17:22,530 --> 00:17:26,730
So, Balanchine's "Agon"
is going at the Koch Theater.
391
00:17:26,730 --> 00:17:28,800
Balanchine's "Agon"?
392
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:32,140
We might as well see
Hall & Oates at the ESPN Zone.
393
00:17:32,140 --> 00:17:36,340
Shall we have dessert
at the M&M store?
394
00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:39,210
Is it one of those Sundays
again, Diane?
395
00:17:40,150 --> 00:17:42,010
Oop,
your fibromyalgia medication
396
00:17:42,010 --> 00:17:43,580
is ready for pick up.
397
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,490
Bird!
398
00:17:51,490 --> 00:17:53,090
It's in my hair!
399
00:17:53,090 --> 00:17:54,690
It's in my hair!
400
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:03,170
It's a beautiful painting.
401
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:06,300
Thanks, but I was trying
to write a book.
402
00:18:06,310 --> 00:18:09,640
I'll never be a novelist!
403
00:18:17,650 --> 00:18:20,920
Mr. Wolf, I have an idea
for an episode.
404
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,050
What if a waiter gets murdered,
405
00:18:23,050 --> 00:18:26,660
and we find out that
the murderer who murdered him
406
00:18:26,660 --> 00:18:29,260
isn't who we thought he was?
407
00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:32,400
We've already done that.
408
00:18:49,150 --> 00:18:52,080
Tough city, but I couldn't live
anywhere else.
409
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:57,750
Everyone's miserable
and they don't even know it.
410
00:19:02,630 --> 00:19:05,030
Stan Smith?
Yes.
411
00:19:05,030 --> 00:19:07,030
I've been looking everywhere
for you.
412
00:19:07,030 --> 00:19:09,630
I'm Eric Jeremyson III,
president of Broadway.
413
00:19:09,630 --> 00:19:11,030
Hi.
414
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,770
Buying the North American rights
to "Stomp"
415
00:19:12,770 --> 00:19:14,300
was a smart investment.
416
00:19:14,310 --> 00:19:16,370
You must be a very happy man.
417
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:17,840
Well, obviously you are.
418
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,910
You're sitting here alone
on this park bench,
419
00:19:19,910 --> 00:19:21,910
reflecting on your happiness
no doubt.
420
00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:24,850
Get to it. I'd like to
offer you and your family
421
00:19:24,850 --> 00:19:27,250
a lifetime contract
to perform "Stomp."
422
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:30,120
Imagine, you'll be in New York
for life!
423
00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:32,460
But I need your answer tonight.
424
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:36,330
Why?
For drama!
425
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,070
Hey, where are the brooms?
426
00:19:42,070 --> 00:19:44,870
Huh, are they not where
they always are?
427
00:19:44,870 --> 00:19:46,740
There's just rakes.
428
00:19:46,740 --> 00:19:48,210
No brooms?!
429
00:19:48,210 --> 00:19:51,070
What the hell are we supposed
to do with rakes?!
430
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,010
Calm down. We're the ones
that make the show amazing.
431
00:19:54,010 --> 00:19:55,610
The props don't matter.
432
00:19:57,620 --> 00:19:59,620
The props definitely matter!
433
00:19:59,620 --> 00:20:01,480
The brooms were the real stars!
434
00:20:01,490 --> 00:20:03,290
I've got to tell you something
before you read it
435
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:04,950
in The Village Voice tomorrow.
436
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,690
I switched out the brooms.
437
00:20:06,690 --> 00:20:08,630
Why would you do such a thing?
438
00:20:08,630 --> 00:20:09,960
I know we didn't vote on it,
439
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,900
but our family's happiness
is too important
440
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:13,300
to leave to democracy.
441
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:14,700
We're miserable here.
442
00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:16,630
Maybe, but being miserable
443
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,170
and pretending to love
living here
444
00:20:18,170 --> 00:20:20,300
is just what New Yorkers do.
445
00:20:20,310 --> 00:20:21,440
That's what I was doing.
446
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:22,440
Being together with you
447
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:23,710
this past year,
448
00:20:23,710 --> 00:20:24,910
I've never felt so alone.
449
00:20:24,910 --> 00:20:26,440
Me, too, babe.
450
00:20:26,450 --> 00:20:28,980
Plus, these buildings
are too tall.
451
00:20:28,980 --> 00:20:31,710
And let's admit it,
Domino's has better pizza.
452
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:33,180
The last time I was happy
453
00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:36,390
was when we were making memories
together as a family.
454
00:20:36,390 --> 00:20:37,920
I want to go back to that place.
455
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:39,990
I want to go home, too, Dad.
456
00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:41,320
Wrong again, numbnuts.
457
00:20:41,330 --> 00:20:44,130
♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪
458
00:20:44,130 --> 00:20:46,930
♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪
459
00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:48,270
♪ Ba du bop,
ba duba dop ♪
460
00:20:48,270 --> 00:20:50,530
♪ Ba du, ohh ♪
461
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:52,870
♪ Mmmbop, ba duba dop ♪
462
00:20:52,870 --> 00:20:55,070
♪ Ba du bop, ba duba dop ♪
463
00:20:55,070 --> 00:20:56,940
♪ Ba du bop,
ba duba dop ♪
464
00:20:56,940 --> 00:20:58,610
♪ Ba du ♪
465
00:20:58,610 --> 00:21:00,440
Bye! Have a great time!
32988
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