Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,928
Ah, go for it. It's on me.
2
00:00:12,972 --> 00:00:14,602
Dave, it's costing you, like,
3
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,640
20 grand to teach me
how to golf.
4
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,694
I'm worth $50.3 billion.
5
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:22,768
I've spent more on a, on
an endangered parrot sandwich.
6
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:24,975
Go on.
7
00:00:27,403 --> 00:00:29,533
So remember, head down.
8
00:00:29,572 --> 00:00:31,412
Head down, okay.
9
00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,825
Ooh.
10
00:00:34,869 --> 00:00:37,409
That felt nice.
11
00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:40,365
A majestic arc to that one.
A pleasure to behold.
12
00:00:40,416 --> 00:00:42,416
Ah, beginner's luck.
13
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:44,090
Don't you ever
get bored of this?
14
00:00:44,128 --> 00:00:46,458
Me, bored? No.
15
00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:50,545
You got to understand, Nate,
I lived a life of purpose,
16
00:00:50,593 --> 00:00:52,393
so now this is my reward.
17
00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:54,718
- Okay.
- Yeah.
18
00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:58,558
So get me an Arnold Palmer.
19
00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:01,311
Certainly, sir.
20
00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:03,613
- Arnold.
- Hello, Choak.
21
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:06,647
Watch this, you piece of shit.
22
00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:20,580
And then, out of nowhere,
23
00:01:20,623 --> 00:01:22,293
he just tackles
the Arnold Palmer bot.
24
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:25,093
Supposedly, the real Arnold
cockblocked him for years
25
00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:28,007
when they lived together
on a nudist commune in 1973.
26
00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:30,377
I know.
I-Ivan, your night angel,
27
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:33,644
showed me some
spicy memory files of Choak,
28
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:35,717
which I'm pretty sure
he stole and sold.
29
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,183
Oh, God.
30
00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:39,143
Choak lived this full life,
you know?
31
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:42,563
It made me think it might be
nice to be old and smug one day,
32
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,483
but I don't have anything
to be smug about.
33
00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,072
Just wish I could keep working.
34
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,066
Uh, you're not allowed.
35
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,608
Yeah, life's tough enough
36
00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,546
without uploads driving down
wages for us meat folks.
37
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,780
I know,
38
00:01:52,822 --> 00:01:54,572
but they called me a barista
at my funeral.
39
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,575
Yeah?
40
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,737
Well, that's not me, okay?
41
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,456
I-I can contribute
more than that.
42
00:02:01,497 --> 00:02:02,827
I'll see you.
43
00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:05,463
Hey, I want to show you
something.
44
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,128
2Gigs please.
45
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,183
Oh, God.
46
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,233
What is this place?
47
00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:31,324
Lakeview's lowest class
of upload.
48
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:35,070
- This is where the 2Gigs live.
- 2Gigs?
49
00:02:35,114 --> 00:02:37,414
Yeah, they only get
two gigs of data a month,
50
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:38,619
and once they run out,
51
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,159
they can't afford anything.
52
00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:51,064
Things included
in your level of service...
53
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:53,918
Your shower,
your view of the lake...
54
00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:55,716
They don't have.
55
00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:58,849
Lean Cuisine
sponsors the cafeteria
56
00:02:58,888 --> 00:03:00,468
to try new recipes.
57
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:04,854
"Today's Special:
Fiesta Jalapeño Creamed Meat."
58
00:03:04,894 --> 00:03:06,444
Yikes.
59
00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:09,228
What is this?
It's only the first five pages.
60
00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,783
Yup, the free sample.
61
00:03:11,817 --> 00:03:15,197
If they want to read the whole
book, they have to pay extra.
62
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,446
Oh, hey, love Harry Potter.
63
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:19,910
All the magic's so cool.
64
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:23,080
There's magic in Harry Potter?
65
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,330
He's frozen until next month,
66
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,924
unless someone
adds to his account,
67
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,050
but most of them don't have
money of their own.
68
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,877
They don't even get
the basic sweat suit
69
00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:36,883
included in the plan.
70
00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:37,966
Whoa.
71
00:03:38,010 --> 00:03:40,510
Wait.
72
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,514
He doesn't have a penis.
73
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,096
Yeah, it must be
the end of his month.
74
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,892
Oh, man,
75
00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:49,856
he's making clothes
out of Lean Cuisine boxes.
76
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,147
No, that's not...
77
00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:54,692
- Oh.
- Okay.
78
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:55,921
That's actually
kind of impressive,
79
00:03:55,945 --> 00:03:57,605
but Horizen should just give
80
00:03:57,655 --> 00:04:01,445
anybody a penis, or clothing,
or-or an entire book.
81
00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:02,912
I mean, it's just code.
82
00:04:02,952 --> 00:04:05,162
Well, they want people
to pay for upgrades.
83
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,754
It's called capitalism.
84
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,383
Look at this.
85
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,169
This is terrible.
86
00:04:14,213 --> 00:04:16,423
These people don't deserve this.
87
00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:18,545
- I know.
- Nobody deserves this.
88
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,972
Somebody should do something.
89
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,011
Wait, where's that music
coming from?
90
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,805
Oh, uh, I don't know.
91
00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,229
That's...
92
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,637
weird.
93
00:04:28,686 --> 00:04:30,516
Anyway, Nathan, you were saying?
94
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:33,192
Maybe my purpose
is to help the 2Gigs.
95
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,544
I could give them
some of my breakfast.
96
00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:37,698
It's unlimited.
97
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,255
You know, I'll just need
some bigger pockets.
98
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,659
- I could...
- Babe, where are you?
99
00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:43,510
The Vogue interviewer
is gonna be here any minute.
100
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:44,994
Is this dress okay?
101
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,615
I wanted to show off
my shoulder blades.
102
00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,082
I just got them sharpened.
103
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:51,332
Oh, my God, did he go too sharp?
104
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:52,935
He said they were gonna
soften up a bit,
105
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,104
but I think they're too sharp.
106
00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:56,168
Shit. Just hurry up, okay?
107
00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:58,263
I completely forgot.
108
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,928
Ingrid and I have this interview
about modern love.
109
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,008
I will be back.
I'll see you soon.
110
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,893
Yeah, no. No worries.
I totally get it. Have-have fun.
111
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,681
He should be here any minute.
112
00:05:07,725 --> 00:05:09,935
Well, not here here,
but you know.
113
00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:12,937
So, for the article, I wanted
to refer to relationships
114
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,610
between bios and uploads as
115
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,109
"the ultimate
long-distance relationship."
116
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:20,992
Oh, my God, totally.
That's exactly what it's like.
117
00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:22,490
Oh, here he is.
118
00:05:25,743 --> 00:05:28,793
That was, that was just a fart.
119
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,659
Sorry.
120
00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:33,746
- Hi, baby.
- Hey, hey.
121
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:35,882
I'm so sorry I'm late.
122
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,959
Hi, Nathan.
So Ingrid and I were just
123
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,415
talking about what it's like
to go from being
124
00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:43,086
a regular old bio couple
to one that lives
125
00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,795
on two different
planes of existence.
126
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,364
Oh, well, I'm not sure
we ever really lived
127
00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:48,928
on the same plane of existence.
128
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,524
It was a joke.
129
00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:51,889
Oh, no, that's funny.
130
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:54,725
No... Don't put that in.
Thank you.
131
00:05:54,772 --> 00:05:56,572
I mean, you should've seen him.
132
00:05:56,607 --> 00:05:59,187
He was moved by the 2Gigs.
133
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:01,204
I mean, it was so cute.
134
00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:04,696
Ugh, that place
is too depressing for me.
135
00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:08,790
But that's nice, your little
play boyfriend wants to help.
136
00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:12,117
- What'd he do?
- He had to leave.
137
00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:13,964
Uh, his girlfriend called.
138
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,749
Uh, they had something planned,
I guess.
139
00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:19,963
That is right. Your boyfriend
already has a girlfriend.
140
00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:23,835
So I guess it's her job to worry
about his life's purpose,
141
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,724
and it's your job to worry
about keeping the heat on
142
00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:29,352
- in your apartment.
- I know.
143
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:32,099
Stop worrying about this guy
and keep your mind on your work.
144
00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:38,018
And clean up
that old dude's unibrow.
145
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:44,236
Clean it up or fill it in?
146
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,279
Wait. No.
147
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:47,913
Slide it down.
148
00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,752
Ooh...
149
00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,328
So, Nathan,
since you were uploaded,
150
00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:56,133
how has
your relationship changed?
151
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,336
Well, honestly,
it just got me thinking a lot
152
00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,377
about life and what's
really important to me.
153
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:04,170
Yeah? But our relationship
hasn't changed at all.
154
00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:06,756
We still talk every day.
Even twice a day, sometimes.
155
00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:08,762
Yeah. I mean, we still talk,
but it's definitely
156
00:07:08,804 --> 00:07:10,014
changed the relationship.
157
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,635
I mean,
now she literally owns me.
158
00:07:11,682 --> 00:07:13,812
Really?
159
00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:15,641
Uh, that... that's not
what it sounds like.
160
00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,856
Nathan didn't have
an upload plan
161
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:21,526
at the time of his accident,
so it was the only option.
162
00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:24,357
And now it's just easier
for all of our stuff
163
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:26,113
to be in the same place,
you know?
164
00:07:26,155 --> 00:07:29,065
Like, uh, couples that share
an e-mail account,
165
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,276
the ultimate trust.
166
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:32,325
Aw, that's adorbs.
167
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:34,619
Let's talk about
something more fun.
168
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:36,713
How's the sex?
169
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,328
Ah, well, we haven't tried it.
170
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,285
Yet. We haven't tried it yet.
171
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,795
We were just waiting
for him to get adjusted.
172
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:44,274
Oh, I'm sorry.
You were waiting for me?
173
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:45,650
'Cause I thought you said
the suit was so gross.
174
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,054
Well, that suit looked gross
175
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:48,972
because a newer model's
coming out, so...
176
00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:52,681
we were just, we were
waiting for the new suit.
177
00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:59,475
Speaking of sex, would you like
to watch one of our sex tapes?
178
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:02,481
My dad got Ang Lee
to edit the body cam footage
179
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:03,904
from our first night together.
180
00:08:03,942 --> 00:08:05,572
I would absolutely love that.
181
00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:08,281
Okay.
They're on my office computer.
182
00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,380
All right, good talk.
183
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,937
- Angel?
- Hey.
184
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:48,239
- Hey.
- You okay?
185
00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:52,236
No.
186
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,032
I was gonna lie,
but you probably have
187
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:58,036
some kind of, like, truth
detector button or something.
188
00:08:58,080 --> 00:08:59,790
Well, I don't.
189
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,001
Yeah, of course not.
190
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,501
That's crazy. I knew that.
191
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,502
Mm, no, you didn't.
192
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,424
- My button says you're lying.
- Stop it. Is there a button?
193
00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:11,014
Yeah, no. That would
be, like, really intrusive.
194
00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:13,927
Maybe my boss has one, though.
195
00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:17,431
I don't know.
She can be a real nightmare.
196
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:21,524
In your experience,
do relationships
197
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:26,531
between uploads and, uh,
real people ever work?
198
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,816
You're a real person.
199
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,780
Yeah, uh, living people.
200
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:33,781
Sure. Sometimes.
201
00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:38,414
I mean, they're hard, but maybe
that makes them more worthwhile?
202
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,833
I always root for them.
203
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:43,002
Sounds corny, I know.
204
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:44,881
No, it's not.
205
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,918
It's nice.
206
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:51,508
Ingrid and I, we always had
207
00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,640
that physical thing
we could fall back on.
208
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:58,387
You know? But without it,
it just kind of feels like
209
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:01,272
we're brother and sister?
210
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:04,350
If I didn't really like
my sister.
211
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:06,266
Well,
you know you can still have
212
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:08,855
a physical relationship
as an upload, right?
213
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,190
Yeah, with the sex suit.
214
00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:11,565
The hug suit.
215
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,741
Some people use it
to hug their kids.
216
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:16,780
Mm-hmm. When's the last time
an adult called it a hug suit?
217
00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:19,446
The commercial.
218
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:23,785
Ingrid was grossed out by it,
219
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,252
but now it sounds like
she might want to try it.
220
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,503
It's just, now that
I've seen how things are
221
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,916
without the physical,
not sure I want her to.
222
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:36,297
Well, it's late.
223
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:40,635
You should get some sleep,
and I got to clock out.
224
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,359
Hey, um...
225
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:50,777
You want to go back
and see the 2Gigs tomorrow?
226
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,317
Okay.
227
00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:55,412
Good night, Nathan.
228
00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:57,697
Good night, Nora.
229
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:15,932
Oh, the Vogue interview with you
and Ingrid just dropped.
230
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,677
Oh, how's it look?
231
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:21,009
It's... intense.
232
00:11:21,056 --> 00:11:23,846
Looks like she's wound
even tighter than she was
233
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:26,062
at the funeral.
234
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:28,313
What's going on with that cat?
235
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,856
Do not end the fight,
236
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,571
upload is a human right!
237
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,151
Do not end the fight, - Yes.
238
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,856
- Upload is a human right!
- Yes!
239
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,380
- Ingrid.
- Hey.
240
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:53,671
Hi.
241
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,633
- Uh, I was just...
- Shh.
242
00:11:56,675 --> 00:11:59,215
I'm wearing the sex suit,
243
00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:01,431
and nothing else.
244
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,475
Uh...
245
00:12:14,526 --> 00:12:16,696
Hey, hey, hey, um...
246
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,566
Could we talk for a second?
247
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,993
I need this. I'm...
248
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,832
Baby, I miss our intimacy. I...
249
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,328
- Ing. Hold on.
- No, no, I...
250
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,199
I don't feel like we have
our old connection,
251
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,036
and that's on me.
252
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,621
I'm sorry.
253
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,456
But there's no more
interviews now.
254
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:35,302
Okay? It's just us.
255
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,930
Nora! You're just in time.
256
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,391
Nathan's hot-as-balls girlfriend
257
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,971
just surprised him
with a sex suit.
258
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,768
Can you please move
so I can clock in?
259
00:12:50,812 --> 00:12:53,112
Oh, yeah.
260
00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,749
Can you feel me?
261
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,673
Yeah. Actually, your feet
are warm for once.
262
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:17,923
- Yeah?
- Uh-huh.
263
00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,594
Mm...
264
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:25,759
Your skin, it's so... soft.
265
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,805
Yeah. Yours, too.
266
00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:30,020
Are you ready?
267
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:32,350
- Yeah.
- Okay.
268
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:36,857
Um... what's wrong?
269
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,440
Hmm?
270
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,695
Uh... I don't know.
271
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,007
- Tech support!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
272
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,411
What are you doing?
273
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,699
Well, it's got to be
some sort of tech issue. Right?
274
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:47,833
- No.
- Tech support!
275
00:13:47,869 --> 00:13:49,180
No-no-no, no-no.
No support. We're fine.
276
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,754
- Tech support!
- We're fine. It's...
277
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:51,999
- Assistance!
- No.
278
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,184
- Things are...
- And, hon, listen...
279
00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:54,748
- Things are okay.
- Tech... support.
280
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:56,173
That's not how this works.
281
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:57,855
- What if I try it down here?
- No. No, no, no.
282
00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:58,879
- Hey!
- Oh, fuck.
283
00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:01,052
- Hey! Hey!
- We're fine.
284
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,721
- Everything's fine.
- We need help!
285
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,639
Hey! SOS!
286
00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,048
- No!
- Assistance!
287
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,361
I could do it.
288
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,228
- Go home.
- Right.
289
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:21,736
You smell great, by the way,
just... I'm gonna...
290
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:24,068
- Go!
- I'm going. Yeah.
291
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:35,208
Hi.
292
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,630
- You called?
- Yeah. Finally.
293
00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:40,299
There's some sort of tech issue
happening with Nathan's dick.
294
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:43,378
Okay...
295
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:45,505
- It's not getting hard.
- Thank you.
296
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,432
- Ah. I see.
- Yeah.
297
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:48,890
We've never had
this problem before.
298
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,890
Like, never.
299
00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:52,682
And for the record, I have never
300
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,726
had this problem before
with anyone.
301
00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,149
So...
302
00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:57,790
it's not me.
303
00:14:57,814 --> 00:14:59,774
Hey. Fuck. Clyde.
304
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,686
Clyde. Hey!
305
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,087
Hey! Stop it.
306
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:04,361
Clyde.
307
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,364
Hey! Hey! Hey-hey-hey-hey.
308
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,526
Get down! Fuck.
309
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,235
Hey. Hey.
310
00:15:12,621 --> 00:15:15,711
I'm so sorry.
311
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,459
Hey, it's fine.
312
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:20,300
You don't owe me an explanation.
313
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,757
It's your life.
314
00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:28,347
Um... I guess...
315
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,596
we'd better fix you up
316
00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:30,928
before she gets back.
317
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:41,187
Everything is properly connected
318
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:45,362
on our end, so I'll need to test
for responsiveness
319
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,203
to further assist the issue.
320
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,318
Is that okay?
321
00:15:56,998 --> 00:16:00,128
Do you feel that?
322
00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,512
How about that?
323
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,719
Yes.
324
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:23,443
Oh, my... What is going on here?
325
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:27,243
I'm so sorry about that.
My cat was being a total douche.
326
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:29,858
Oh.
327
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:32,026
It worked.
328
00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:35,495
So I was like, "Let me test
for responsiveness."
329
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:38,577
Then I literally threw a blanket
over this girl's head
330
00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,793
and felt up her boyfriend.
331
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:43,754
And... I put on
my sexy voice, too.
332
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,455
You have a sexy voice?
333
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,045
I do.
334
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,680
I said it like this:
335
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,337
"Can you feel anything?"
336
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:52,345
And I lightly touched his chest
337
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:56,807
and we locked eyes
and then, holy shit.
338
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,160
You turned his software
into hardware?
339
00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:00,194
- Oh, yeah.
- Girl, and then what happened?
340
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:03,018
His girlfriend came back and
then he used it on her, so...
341
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:04,734
Yep.
342
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:08,244
Dang, that's messed up.
So what about your lady boner?
343
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:11,488
It's still there. Rock hard.
344
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,371
You know what I'm gonna say,
don't you?
345
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,448
"Give it one more chance
and see where it goes"?
346
00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,253
Get the fuck back on Nitely.
347
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,367
Its algorithm is responsible
for tons of real relationships.
348
00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,625
The quickest
way to get over a guy
349
00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:23,917
is to get under a new one.
350
00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:28,838
Reinstall Nitely.
351
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,885
Reinstall Nitely.
352
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,020
See? You already
got a new match.
353
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,555
"Can I cum over?"
354
00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:42,943
It's a pun.
355
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:44,769
- Look at those abs.
- Those abs.
356
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:46,694
You know, if I wrote that,
357
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,783
it'd be a deal breaker, right?
358
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,199
Why are you still here?
359
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,027
Oh, what's up, Aleesa?
360
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,822
- Nope.
- It's Aleesha.
361
00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:58,236
- Right.
- Bye.
362
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:10,046
I'd like to speak
with the manager.
363
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,049
The store is designed
to be completely automated.
364
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,801
Please put your purchase
on the conveyor.
365
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,473
Manager.
366
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:17,472
Let's see if I can
help you first.
367
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:19,934
If this is a problem
with a product, say "product."
368
00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:22,734
If the store is on fire,
say "fire."
369
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,609
If you are stuck in the door
and the store is on fire,
370
00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:26,817
say "screams."
371
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:29,226
"Human manager."
372
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:33,065
The wait to speak
to a human is 300 minutes.
373
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,702
If the bathroom is unstocked,
say "tissue paper."
374
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:39,160
If a patron is having a baby,
say "miracle."
375
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,710
Is this dehydrated fruit salad
or is this a queen bed?
376
00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:45,328
What do you think?
377
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:48,245
Let me talk
to a manager, please.
378
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:51,214
Grab another bed from the rack, okay?
379
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:53,216
My name is Fran Booth.
380
00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:55,298
I am a part-time
private investigator,
381
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,803
and I need to take a look
at your security camera footage
382
00:18:57,846 --> 00:18:59,346
from November 24.
383
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,929
Aw, shit. Uh...
384
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,975
Okay. Uh, hold on.
385
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:15,147
Follow me.
386
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:16,566
300 minutes?
387
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:20,034
More like 50 seconds, dummy.
388
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,794
- You...
- You again?
389
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,713
- You tricked me.
- I tricked you?
390
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:32,881
Mm-hmm. See, you got
a new username and picture.
391
00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:34,775
I deleted the app and I had
to use a different name
392
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,889
when I reinsta... but you?
393
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,676
"Henry"? I mean, you got
different dummy accounts
394
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,323
with different names
and everything. I mean...
395
00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:44,387
I mean, is this even your hot,
chiseled, sweaty torso?
396
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:47,347
No.
397
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:49,975
- Fuck it. Come in.
- Oh...
398
00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:58,816
- This is so hot.
- No talking today.
399
00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:36,686
Mm...
400
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,696
Are you okay?
401
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,698
Yep.
402
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:44,450
Oh, okay. I thought for a second
something was wrong.
403
00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:46,874
You know, it's weird.
404
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:49,713
Normally, when girls come,
it sounds different.
405
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,249
Like, uh, not as real
as you sound.
406
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:56,415
So, do I get five stars
this time?
407
00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:58,474
Oh, yeah, definitely.
408
00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:03,005
Oh, I'll do it right now.
409
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,309
What the hell?
410
00:21:12,355 --> 00:21:14,355
Payback.
411
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,460
Hey, babe.
412
00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,304
Are you awake?
413
00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:09,204
Yeah, so that was totally fun.
414
00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:10,905
Look, I don't know about you,
415
00:22:10,955 --> 00:22:13,995
- but we should do that again sometime.
- Okay, bye.
416
00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:42,238
Oh...
417
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:45,738
Forgot to kill your boyfriend?
418
00:22:45,782 --> 00:22:47,782
Careful, Ingrid.
419
00:22:47,825 --> 00:22:50,405
The camera adds ten years.
420
00:22:50,453 --> 00:22:52,663
In jail.
29153
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