Original subtitles

* [Multicom EntertainmentGroup jingle] *

* [FVI jingle]

* [music]

* Oriental boy all alone.

* Running all the wayto your home. *

* Breathing very hardlike a kung-fu dragon. *

* Listen to yourheart as you run. *

* Oriental boy. Watch out!

* Go! Go! Go!

* Oriental boy do you dream?

* Dream what you do as a man.

* Flying far away, allacross the ocean. *

* Do what you imagine you can.

* Oriental boy. Hang on!

* Go! Go! Go!

* Nanananananana

* Nanananananana

-* What if there aredangerous man? *-* Oh no!

-* Maybe there's abeauty so true? *-* Uh-huh!

* You can go and saveher and be a hero. *

* Look out Westernworld coming through. *

* Oriental boy. Look out!

* Go! Go! Go!

* Oriental boyyou can sing. *

* Anywhere you areyou will love.*

* Sing about the heartof a kung-fu dragon. *

* Wrap the peopleinto your song. *

* Oriental boy. So-so.

* Go! Go! Go!

* He's gonna make it.

* You know he will.

* He's gonna makeit on his own. *

* He's gonna make it.

* You know he will.

* He's gonna make iton his own. *

[song fades out]

Grandfather, grandfather.

I couldn't get a doctor.

[Grandfather mumbles]

Grandfather, please don't die.

I must go away for awhile.

I'll make you proud of me.

When I grow up, I'llmake lots of money.

Let me tell you grandson

money is not the mostimportant thing in life.

The most importantthing is...broads.

Broads!

Don't you ever forget.

If you die grandfather

there will be nobodyto take care of me.

Go America.

-America?-Yes.

Long time ago, when Iwas a merchant marine

in New York, I met the mostbeautiful lady in the world

and I fell in love with her.

When you find her

she'll take care of you.

How can I find her?

Here.

Take this.

It will help you.

I don't know if she still there.

If you find her

tell her...I loved her.

Yes. I'll--

Grandfather...

* [music]

* [Italian sounding music]

Bruce!

I'd like-a some more sauce, huh!

Boss. Why do you keepcalling me Bruce? I'm Joon.

Bruce was the Champ--

I don't care. Champ or no champ,I'm-a calling you Bruce-a.

And when I call you Bruce-a, youare Bruce-a. You understand?

Besides, you alllook alike anyway.

[Laughing]

[Man] That's true!

He the one that does thatkarate stuff real good?

Bruce-a? Nah! He can'teven-a chop-a liver!

[laughter]

Mmm-mmm.

Hey, Bruce. Thissauce is wonderful.

What's your secret, huh?

Dog meat.

[spitting]

[Bruce] It's a joke...

-[dog barks]-[Bruce] But seriously folks

I make the bestspaghetti in the world

with a special flourfrom Mainland, China.

You see, five thousand years ago

Chinese invented noodle.

And Marco Polo came to China

and took it back to Italy

and it become spaghetti.

[laughter]

And I can evensing Italian song.

Oh yeah? Sing.

[sings "La donna èmobile" from Verdi]

* [dramatic music]

Rico. How are you my friend?

Buongiorno, capo.You're looking well.

I feel good.

Come. Join me in this feast.

No, excuse me. I promised thewife, Nicola

dinner at home tonight.

Rico.

You brought me something?

You gonna like this.

It's pure.

-Uhhh.-* [music]

Ahh! Ow!

[people screaming]

Uhh!

[kung-fu fighting noises]

[kung-fu fighting noises]

You have the right to remainsilent. Anything you say

can and will be used against youin a court of law...uh...

Dammit, what's the next line?

You have the rightto seek counsel.

Oh yeah, thanks!

You have the rightto an attorney

if in any event, you cannot afford one, uh...

I'm available.

[drum beat]

[Hare Krishna song]

Many pardons...

but we are lost.

Where is Disneyland?

Do we look like Mickey Mouse?

Ahh! Sooo!

Ah! Mickey Mouse!

Hey! Get out of here!

[mumbling]

* [Hare Krishna song anddramatic music plays] *

Care for a flower, sir?

Hey! We carry our own flowers.You just pray for us.

[fighting]

Kojak! Kojak!

[kung-fu fighting noises]

Can't stand this anymore!

[woman cop] I'm takingoff this one too.

Me too!

You're under arrest.

You have the rightto remain silent.

[blonde male cop] He's out cold.You better give him mouth tomouth to make this bust legal.

* [music]

Thanks! I needed that!

Ahh!

We losin'-a men to these-afederal agent-a busts.

We need a solutions-a now!

[Man] We can bribe the F.B.I.

We'll give them ourbrand of cigars.

Dynamite!

Let's invest in bulletproofGucci loafers. Tee hee!

Hey! I got an original idea.

Let's just make 'em an offerthat they can't refuse.

[groans]

Offer our mother-in-laws! Huh!

[laughter]

Basta! Enough!

What do you meatballs-a think-athis is? Monkey business?

[Big Al] Maybe there isa leak in the system.

You can't trust anybody.Can you Pete?

You da one to know about leaks.

You gotta big mouth.

And don't forget Big Al

I'm-a the one in the power here.

Maybe that's our problem.

You push-a too far!

-Va fangul!-[phone rings]

That's the callfrom New York-a...

Hello.

Ciao, Little Pete.

[Little Pete] Oh, ciao, Boss-a!It's nice-a you to call.

Do you have your men with you?

Oh, yes-a boss. They all here.Everybody's-a here.

-[Boss] Put me on conference.-Si.

You boys have embarrassed me.

Opportunities blown.

It's hard to believe

you guys being defeated

by a bunch of Kung Fu clowns.

The next time you'reon the job...

you think about your family.

One more mistake...

they'll be widows and orphans.

I'm going to makesashimi out of you!

* [music]

[chewing]

This...

is the last fish...

that I'm going to eat.

The next meal...

will be you!

Capiche!

Yes-a Boss. Don'tworry. Grazie. Ciao.

[Boss] Ciao, Pete, goodbye boys.

[All] -Goodbye Boss.-Take it easy boss.

We gotta do something.

Pretty soon-a we gonna havea da Feds fighting in ourown-a back-a-yard!

[man in other room doing kung funoises] Yee-ah! Yee-ah!

[Man] Oh my God! It's a raid!

[crack of gun barrels]

Ahh! Don't shoot! Heyguys, it's me, Benny!

Yahh!

Yahh!

* [music]

What the hell is he doing?

Uh, makin'...makin' lunch.

Hi Boss.

I'm making spaghetti for you.

You know the difference betweenItalian food and Chinese food?

No, what?!

Five dollars per person.

[indistinct Italian, last wordsounds like "Ah Fung"]

Ah Fung? I went school with him.

His brother name Ah Choo.

Amarone!

Amarone?

I don't know him.

* [music]

No, help! Help!

Hey!

Break up!

Lady, give that manhis purse back.

It's my purse. He's the thief.

What you doing around hereman and where you from

and what you want!

With my right foot, I canknock out that knife.

With my left, I cankick your nose.

With this hand, I canpoke out your eyes.

With this, I canbreak your neck.

Take a good look at my face.

I'm an Oriental.

Shhtaa!

It's cool bro!

I don't want notrouble this time.

It's cool.

But next time, it's justgon'e be me and you!

I don't want to see yourface in this area again.

-Whew!-* [music]

[pool balls hitting] * [country music playing]

Arrivederci!

How many times I gotta tellyou "arrivederci", shemeans-a goodbye, huh?

10 times.

I don't know if I'mcoming or going.

Whatta you got in the box?

Oh, some noodles for Gionelli.

Oh... [speaks Italian]. Maria!

Maria?! For Gionelli, eh!

Eh, you look a little pale.How bout a beer, huh?

[Man] Hey, baby!

Hey, check it out! Whoo!

Hi.

Hello.

Oh, you look so beautiful.Are your from New York?

No. But I am drinkinga Manhattan.

Is that close enoughto New York for you?

No I gotta go there.

You see my grandfatherhad a dying wish.

And what was that?

To stay alive.

He said I must go to NewYork, find this woman.

My grandfather loved her.

She's gonna take care of me,if she's still there.

My name's Anita, what's yours?

They call me Bruce.

[Anita] You mean like Bruce Lee?

Yeah, who else?

Then you must know Kung Fu.

Oh yea, I once stepped in it.

[Man] Hey!

If you're looking for Mr.Right... I'm right here.

How bout some tequila, Sheila.

To tell you the truth, I'm gladyou are here to protect me.

Those guys scare me.

I can take those guysout with one bare hand.

Stick with me.

I'll teach you self defense.

Okay.

[Man] Hey, eggroll!

We heard what you said!

With my right foot, I canknock out your face.

With my left, I cankick your nose.

With this, I canpoke your eyes out.

With this, I canbreak your neck.

Take a good look at my face.

I'm an Oriental, sffpttt!

I challenge you, sucker!

I gotta go to john.

Mexican beer.

I'll be back.

I'll be back you guys!

* [music]

Pre-prepare your guys!

[pounding] Open thedoor, you crazy...

[screaming mob]

Ahh!! Weirdo!

-[pounding]-Come on buddy, let's go...

-Ahh!-I'm on my way out, you guys!

[screams]

Be prepared.

* [music]

Bruce.

If I was as half as good as you

I could have foughtthose guys in the bar.

And I would be with that girl.

Bruce, you are the best.

I gotta eat more Mongolian beef!

* [dream music]

[kung-fu fighting noises]

I'm gonna be just like you.

With hard trainingand proper diet

I'm going to be asfast as you are.

And strong as Rocky.

Rocky?

[Rocky theme song]

Yes. Proper diet.

Mmm... Egg foo youngwould be better.

[fighting noises in background]

May I help you?

Yes. I wanna be like Bruce Lee.

We will start youwith a white belt.

Oh, this good!

Mikey!

Give him a gi and a white belt.

[Instructor] All righteverybody, stretch.

Stretch.

Stretch to your right.

Stretch to your left.

Twist!

Stretch.

Come here.

You must have the rightspirit to guide you.

Inner peace.

Control.

Patience.

It's all mental.

My grandfather wasa mental patient.

My father was a mental patient.

And now it's my turn.

Let me stress...

inner peace, controland tranquility.

[phone rings]

Excuse me.

Hello. Dojo Studio.

What the hell you talkingabout you son-of-a-bitch!

I'll sue you for every yenyou have you stupid-- Ahh!!!

As I was saying...

you have to have control

with control comesconcentration.

You see the wall?

[Instructor] You can make ahole through the wall, if...

you have you have concentration.

Try it.

You can do it.

I'm not gonna tryit. You try it.

I'm not gonna try it.I'm the Master.

Let's get Mikey,he'll try anything.

Class, you think he can do it?

You see, they don'tthink you can do it.

And I don't think youcan do it, either.

You asked for it!

Yaw!!!

-[breaking wood]-[screams]

[Man] What is this?!

Oh hi, Master. You'rea little early today.

Mikey! Mikey! Come here...

[girl giggling][Man] Hey. what's goin' on here!Get out of here

or I'm going to call the cops!

It's all in the Ke-yah!

When you Ke-yah

you must bring allenergy from your bodyinto one focused point.

Ke-yahhh!!!

Now, you try it.

Uh-huh.

Ke-yahhh!!!

You...

No. Memorex.

Get out of my place.

You are hopeless!

I must learn to be mental.

You are mental!

But I'm paying you to teach me.

I'll refund your money!

Change your clothes and get out!

Oh, you're verygood. Let me see.

It's natural for me. I dothat all the time when Imake the noodle.

See, oh... look at this.Oh, Master! Oh, I knowhow to do this!--

No! Stop, stop. No!Go away! Go away!

Ah, no! My vase you broke it!

Oh! Good! I'm-

I will kill you!

Master, you are out of control!

Ahh!

Ye-aw!!!

* [music]

Now what?!

I wanna return your sticks.

Take them.

Go home and practicein your closet!

* [music]

* [music]

* [music]

[rattling]

Are these eggs fresh?

Hey! This is a stuckup man! Hands up!

You, hurry up with themoney! Come on!

And don't do nothingstupid, huh!

* [music]

-Ye-ahhh!-[kung-fu noises]

[police radio]

[store clerk] No! No! No!Wait, wait. Not him.

He's not the robber.He's the robber!

You should have seenthis guy's fantastic...

Kung Fu technique.

Unbelievable.

Like he's so fast...

and powerful...

I'm telling you this guy isBruce Lee reincarnated!

You even look like Bruce Lee.

Oh, with the propertraining and diet.

Can you strike that karatepose for the cameras

with the sticks overyour head, please?

Get that Sharon.

A Bruce Lee look-alike

put on a dazzlingshow of kung-fu.

An eyewitness said

the gunman never had a chance

against the martial arts hero.

Ciao, Boss. I gotta good news.

No... I gotta great news!

You don't have to worryabout anymore trouble.

I got a guy who's gonna fixeverything from-a now on.

I gotta new deliveryman.

They call-a him Bruce.

Master of Kung-a Fu.

[gong]

Here comes the guy in thepapers. They say he's likethe real Bruce Lee.

Hey, Man. I don't carewhat the papers say.

You're still Brucey!

What are you looking at Brucey?!

You're nothing but jive. ManI can kick your ass any dayof the week!

Kick my ass any day?

Well, I'm busy all week!

Yeah. You a phony, man. Youdon't even know Kung Fu.

Get back.

What do you say to this, fool?!

* [dream music]

If you must fight, fight dirty.

Kick him in the groin.

Hit him with a rock.

Bite off his nose.

But most of all

use your brain

not fists.

Oh, you're fantastic!

Who taught you that?

Master Cho!

Oh, what a coincidence.

I studied under Master Cho too.

Did you know themartial art code...

It says, uh...

pupil study under samemaster must never fight.

Yeah? For real, huh?

Yeah.

Now it's too bad.

I can't beat you up.

-[Thug] What code?-[Thug 2] Maybe he's right.Just forget about it.

Yeah? I don't studyfrom Master Cho.

I study from Master Tung.

Oh that's great!

Then you two can fight!

And I personally thinkMaster Cho is ten timesbetter than Master Tung.

My masters betterthan Master Cho.

Hey, wait a minute! Mymaster is Master Cho.

What're you talking about?Master Tung is a pussy!

[fighting]

[Thug] Hit him in the stomach!

[Thug] Hit him in the balls!

Hey, look!

He's got nunchucksin his pocket.

Well let's go check him out.

Hey.

You got a permit tocarry those nunchucks?

This?

You don't need nopermit for this.

That's a lethal weapon.You're under arrest.

Wait a minute...wait, wait a minute!

[bell dings]

These are my chopsticks.

I'm just a big eater.

Chopstick licking good.

* [Italian music]

I sure hope this isgonna work, boss.

You hope-a.

It better work, or the bossof bosses is gonna makesashimi out of us.

Hey, you can count on me, boss.I'm not gonna let you down.

Yeah. Remember Freddie, you'rethe only one I can trust.

I can't-a trust-aBig Al anymore.

[Freddie] Yeah well, there havebeen rumors going around.

[Little Pete] What? That theBig Al thinks he's going toboss of the West-a Coast?

That-a sneaky bastardnever get my job! Never!

Listen, boss. Nobody can teardown a reputation like yours!

You're a good boy Freddie.

You've always been a loyal,trusted servant of-a la familia.

When you get back-a from thisjob, I'm-a gonna promote you.

You're gonna be my,eh... consigliere.

Really?

Like Robert Duvall? Wow!

You gonna sit in Big Al's-a seatat the other end of the table.

I hope I don't haveto sit on his lap.

Sit on his lap?

-You make a joke.-Yeah.

[Little Pete] People say Igotta no sense of humor.

No...

[Little Pete] Seethere's a laugh.

You make a me laugh!

Hurry up. I don't wanna missHollywood-a Squares.

Yeah, boy! Florence Henderson.

Florence Henderson.

Ha! Ha!

Remember, don't tell-aBruce about anything.

Oo! Oo!

All right!

[Freddie]Yeah.

Make sure thisplace is locked up.

Because this-a stuff is worthmillions of dollars now.

[Freddie]Yes, sir.

-That's it, huh?-[Freddie] Uh-huh.

[music]

Put the barbells down, I gottatalk to you.

Look at you.

You've been eating too muchpasta.

Take that tie off and get downhere and work out with me.

Carmen, put those goddamn thingsdown.

I got the plan set up.

I hope this plan is better thanthe last one.

If you wanna be boss on the Westcoast

killing Pete's dog isn't gonnado it.

You know that poison was meantfor Little Pete.

How was I supposed to know thedog likes cigars

[sigh]

So. What's your plan this timeRover?

You know I love you just beforeyou get slapped.

Ahh!

Yo... ahh!!!

Had enough?

You really know how to hurt aguy, huh? Thanks, darling.

Uh!

Bad news for Maverick.

Your brothers and sisters arebeing killed for their ivory.

Shut up and listen to me.

If I'm boss on the coast, you'llbe right there alongside of me.

You'd like that power wouldn'tyou? Uh-huh.

Why'd you have to kick me? Youdidn't have to kick me.

-Oh, I'm sorry poor baby.-Ehh...

Look, the Boss of Bosses isgoing to exterminate Little Pete

if one more job gets busted.

I know Little Pete's plan.

They're setting up Bruce as thedelivery stooge.

You follow Bruce.

Switch the coke whenever youcan.

Before they get to New York.Okay?

Little Pete will be river moss.

And I'll be Boss of the Westcoast.

Ahhh!

You mean we will be the boss onthe West coast.

Hey, that's what I said.

Bruce.

You're a hero.

I saw you in the papers.

You're very brave.

Where'd you get your black belt?

Oh, I got my black belt in theOrient.

It was easier, only writtentest.

Do you have a girlfriend?

I'm a sex object.

Every time I ask girl sex, theyobject.

Well, could I be yourgirlfriend?

Listen, I'll give you thisnecklace.

[Anita] Here...

we'll go steady. Okay?

Now, as long as you wear this

I'm not gonna make love toanother man.

Me neither.

* [Italian music]

[Little Pete]Bruce, I gotta new job for you.

-[Bruce] New job?-Yeah, I'm giving you a raise.

From now on you getta minimumwage.

What I gotta do, Boss?

Listen and I tell you.

Your spaghetti recipe, it's afamous.

I tell all my friends, allaround-a the country about yourChinese-a noodles.

And they are very anxious to getthis uh, special flour.

So, I'm gonna send you to NewYork.

New York?

M-m-I'm going to New York?!

You gotta learn about America.

This is-a one great country.

When do I start?

Whatta you got ants in yourpants?

When I say so.

How long does it take to fly toNew York?

[speaks Italian] Wait aminute. Not-a so fast.

First-a, you gotta stopin-a different cities.

If you don't deliver the flourto all-a my friends

you'll never get to New York.

Understand?

I finally get to go to New York.

Freddie, he's gonna chauffeuryou.

Freddie? My chauffeur?

Why don't we want to fly?

Fly?

When you fly you see nothing

but when you drive, you get toknow this beautiful-a country.

Start packing.

Bruce, where did you getthat necklace? I neverseen that on you before.

Oh, this? It was giftfrom my new girlfriend.

Ahh...when you get back-afrom your trip, maybe...

ahh you get married, huh?

Oh, I love get married but Ihate to give up my girlfriend.

Bruce, so tell us about-a yourgirl.

Oh, she's beautiful!

Sexy legs.

Really big eyes.

Yeah, yeah?!

Did you touch any... I mean...ha... ggg...

Easy animali!

-She hugged me.-[Freddie] Yeah?

-And she was moaning.-[Freddie] Yeah? Yeah?

-[Bruce] She pulledmy shirt off.-[Freddie] Yeah?

-[Bruce] Scratch my back.-[Freddie] Yeah?

-[Bruce] Kissing my eyes.-[Freddie] Ooh!

-[Bruce] Kissing my nose.-[Freddie] Yeah, yeah yeah!

-[Bruce] Breathing in my ear.-[Freddie] So, so, was she good?

[Bruce] Yeah, I'm not sure.I don't kiss and tell.

This is serious.

Now, Bruce can lead us to thehead of this drug ring and youguys know it.

Now we got to do whatever ittakes to get him to New York.

Breathing in my ear.

Bruce...

be sure to deliver all the flour

and-a never let it out of yoursight,

or else you never get to NewYork.

Freddie he's-a going to keep aneye on you. Right, Freddie?

That's right, we're not going tolet you down, Boss.

Oh, I wanna capture thismorning. Say Kim-cheese!

[Little Pete]No. No. No. No pictures!

Just-a remember, to never let-athe flour out of your sight!

Huh?! All right. Your first-astop is Las Vegas. Enjoyyourself.

But don't gamble unless Freddieshows you how to do it, huh?!

I never gambled before. I can'teven say "bwack" jack.

Goodbye. So long.

Ciao. Ciao.

Freddie, remember drive-acarefully on the road.

We can't afford accidentsor tickets, huh?!

Good boy.

[screeching tires]

Ahhh!

* [music]

[Freddie] Ye-ah-ha!!! Las Vegas!

The town whereeverybody's a winner!

Boy, look at these places.

[Bruce] Where'sthe Mustang Ranch?

My grandfather oncehad a suite there.

[laughter]

* [Jewish music]

Cy... Cy... listen up.

Boss of Bosses thinks he candeliver powder in my town

without kicking in. He's crazy!

I vant you should getLittle Pete's delivery man

and kill him if you have to

but bring that powder to me.

Here...

these are the guys you kill.

Intercept the cocainebefore it gets to theLas Vegas connection.

Waste 'em, beforethey leave town.

Be a pleasure, boss.

Oh, and would you remind meto call my mother on Tuesday.

* [lounge music]

-Hi...hi.-How are ya?

Aw, thanks.

We heard a lot about you Bruce.

Your martial arts andyour special flour here.

You want me to cook for you?

No. We got our ownrecipe for this flour.

Why don't you two guys, eh

-sit at the table?-Oh, thank you.

You guys must be thirstyafter such a long, hot trip.

Hey, Miss Twillinger

bring my friends ice cold beer.

Do you know anythingabout gambling?

Gambling?

I met a woman who made herhusband a millionaire bygambling.

-Really?-Yeah. But he wasbillionaire before.

Hey, that's funny. I like that.

I'm gonna teach you howto play "bwack" jack.

Now if you wanna another card

you go like this, okay?

If you don't wanna another card

then you go likethat, all right?

Do what I do. You got it? Okay.

No, no.

Cut the cards, sir.

Just cut the cards!

Ye-aw!

[crowd screams]

[indistinct singing]

Hi there. Wannahave a good time?

-Ahh...-Ha. Ha. Listen, lady.

This guy is just a wet noodle,if you know what I mean.

-But me, I'm a caged tiger!-Ooh-hmm.

-Why don't I have youjoin me in my penthouse?-Penthouse.

I'm always attractedto men with big bucks.

Let's go tiger.

The way you were dressed,I thought you were justthe chauffeur.

But he is a chauffeur-

Yeah, ha ha, you... chauffeur.What are you crazy?! Ayi!

Yeah, I bet yougot great thighs!

-Mmm-hmm.-Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

* [music] [slots pulling]

Are you having bad luck?

This machine onlyknow how to eat.

Must be constipated.

Here...

Try this one for good luck.

[Bruce] You look so beautiful.

You from New York?

No, sweetie, I'm from Ohio.

[hitting jackpot]

Ahhh!!!

Look at all this money.

You hit the jackpot.

I'm gonna be millionaire!

Thank you, grandfather!

[coins jingling]

Oh. No more pockets.

What am I gonna do?

Exactly! I got an idea.

[slots ringing]

Ahh... put it in.

Whatever you say.

Ahhh...

How would you like to goto a party with me, sugar?

Party?

I love parties.

Who's party?

Your party.

I have no party.

I'll make you a party.

Oh, that must be surprise party.

* [music] [coins jingling]

Ooo!

[kung-fu fighting noises]

Ayi! Call me a doctor!! Ahh!

You're not bleeding.

Thank God. That knifenever touched you.

Well then, call me a banker!

* [sings "La donna èmobile" from Verdi] *

[kung-fu fighting noises]

* [action music] [kung-fu fighting noises]

[screams]

Listen to that.

They must be havinga good time.

Hey, that's my partner Bruce.

Well, sounds like he foundsomething wild, didn't he.

I'm just as wild asany girl in this town.

[screaming]

-You gotta give me more time.-Time's up!

And now we're inthe bonus round.

Uh, listen.

Why don't you have your friend,uh, give you a few tips.

He must be incredible.

In fact, if he ever has the time

I'll give him a discount.

[kung-fu fighting noises]

[screams]

[screaming]

What happened?

Are you sick or something?

[door opens]

Okay! That's it!

That's it! I've had enough.

Enough is enough.It's bu...ah, Jesus!

That's enough! That's it!Forget it! No more! No more!

[moans]

Ah geez! Two girls?!

No, there are more girls coming.

Ahh! No. I can't takeit...out! Get out!

Get out! Right now!

Out! Get out of here! Get outof the... right...take... Getout! Get out! Get out!

I can't take it. Ican't take it. Get out.

I don't wanna... ahhh!

[Freddie] Boy, am I'm gladwe're out of that zoo.

[Bruce] Did you learnanything in Vegas?

It's show biz! Sammy Davis, Jr.

Heh, heh!

[Freddie] Will you takeoff those rings!

You look ridiculous.

-Come on. Take 'emoff! Take 'em off....-OK.

Come on, take themoff, off, off!

[tires screeching]

[police sirens]

Oh, God. The cops!

All right, nowdon't make trouble.

-[Freddie speaking Italian]-[Bruce imitating Kojak]Who loves ya baby?

[Bruce singing]* And now the end is near --

Stop it. Will you stop it.Will you just stop it!

I'm just doing Frank Sinatra.

He did it his way.

[singing]* I did it sideways!

All right be cool.Be cool. You're cool?

I'm cool. You're cool. I'm cool.

God it's hot.

[Bruce] Hee. Hee. Hee. Hee.

-[Officer] Howdy...-[Freddie] Hey...

You wanna show me yourdriver's license?

If you guys keep taking itaway, how is he supposedto show it to you?

Is, uh, this car registered?

No. This car Oldsmobile.

Wanna show me your registration?

Uh, yeah, right.Registration, right, here.

Ahhh!

You...speeder,sign right there.

-I have to sign...-Sign?

You Libra. Put down Libra.

What are you on, drugs?

[Bruce] No officer, I'm--

[Officer 2]You shut up!

That's groovy.

Chinese boy got a funny mouth.

[Officer 2]Mmm-hmm!

Whatcha got in the bag?

What this?

This is famous Chinese flour.

The best recipe formaking noodles.

You should try some of this.

It's from Mainland China.

Here, taste it.

[singing]

I hate Chinese food.

Half hour lateryou hungry again.

Hahaha! That's a good one!

[banging on hood of car][laughter]

That's a good one. Ha. Ha. Ha.[Freddie and the officers laugh]

I don't get it.

Boy...you look likean illegal alien.

You got yourself green card?

No, I got blue card.

Well, I guess, uh, that's it,huh? We better be going.

Thank you very much.Have a nice day.

And as a token of our friendship

I want you to have this.

You want us to have this?

Yeah and there is plentymore where it come from.

No. He doesn't mean that[nervous laughter]

Tell 'em you don'tmean that, Bruce.

I sure mean that. Keep it.

[Officer 1]I believe the Chineseboy offering us a bribe.

-Kind of looks like it.-No. No. No.

-[Officer 1] Get out of the car.-Jesus. No.

[Officer 1] Get outof the car now!

[Officer 2] You can't bribe us.

[Officer 1] At leastnot with nickels.

* [sexy music]

Could you help me?

I think I gotta slowleak in my rear tire.

Whoo-ooo!!!

I'll be more and glad tohelp you out ma'am.

Did you say you think you'vegot a slow leak ma'am?

Well, I don't knowanything about cars.

But I do know about practically

everything else.

I bet you do!

Get the hell in the car.

-I'm hip.-Get in the car!

Hip, hip!

Ye-aw!

[tires screeching]

Give 'em some chloroform and, uh

put 'em in the patrol car.

That should buy some time.

[engine dying]

Doh! Jesus!

[horn blaring]

[Bruce] Great! That Toyotadidn't even stop for me.

I was once run over by a Toyota.

Oh, what a feeling!

[Freddie] Look, we can'twaste much time, ya know!

The cops will be on ourneck any minute now.

Ahhh! That's got it.

-[men] Ye-ah! Ye-ah! Ye-ah!-[Freddie hits head on metal]

-[Freddie] Jesus!-[Bruce] It's an attack! Attack!

Attack!

Ye-ah! Ye-ah! Hey...

Kung Fu cowboy?

Seems like you gotyourselves in a heap oftrouble there, partner.

Or did you just marry a cop?

[Freddie] Uh, excuse me

do you happen to know ablacksmith or somebodyaround who can get this

uh, hand-- braceletoff my friend?

I'll do betterthan that for you.

Hold your arm outstraight there.

[Freddie] Woah!

[gunfire]

Wow!

-See ya!-Happy trails.

* [cowboy music] [horse whinnies]

* [country music] [people partying]

[Freddie] Well Bruce

that takes care ofthe Houston delivery.

[Bruce] Another job is over now.

It's a Miller time!

* [country music] [people partying]

[inaudible over crowd noise]

Hi.

[Bartender] What's yourpleasure, cowboy?

Sake Light.

Oh, we don't got no Sake Light.

All we got is Sake Natural.

I come all the wayfrom California

and the only thing yougot is Sake Natural?

It ain't bad, I'm surprised.

[rumbling]

[window breaking]

[screams]

[cowboy] I'm atwo-fisted drinker.

I like to drink andpunch people out.

Oh, I like to drinkand eat sushi.

Suzy? Suzy's my girl.

Oh, you like sushi?Like I like sushi.

Yeah. I like Suzy.

I had sushi last night.

[Crowd] Ohhh!

You should eat sushiin the morning.

Sushi in the evening.Sushi for supper time.

Then you wouldn't be so fat.

What the hell's wrongwith you, China boy?!

[Bar patron] What's your name?

Wong or Dong?

They call me Bruce.

[cowboy] Bruce?

No, [with lisp] Bruce.

Well I'll tell you what Bruce

I'm going to put bruisesall over your body.

* [dream music]

If you can snatch thispebble from my hand

then you are ready.

Grandfather, there isbig bird over your head.

[laughing]

I'm not gonna to fallfor that old trick.

[bird squawks]

[laughing][Grandfather] Aww!

-[stomping]-Ow!

* [country music]

[sound of fighting inside]

* [superhero music]

* [country music] [kung-fu fighting sounds]

Ooh! Punchin' doggies!

[police radio]

Let's get out of here.

[police radio]

Holy turds!

Anybody drunk?

I want to arrest somebody!

Hey, guys! Let's waituntil they throw up here.

I hate to clean up the jail.

[gunfire]

Well don't just stand there,arrest somebody!

You gotta shut the hell up!

He ain't with us?

I thought he was... if Stefanhadn't been trying to stealthe furniture

we wouldn't be in here.

What're you looking at?

Haven't you seen aguy in a jail before?

[Bruce] You're lucky, theseiron bars in the way.

I'll finish you punks offanother time.

When I get out of here

I'm gonna squashyour face, Bruce!!!

Hey this food sucks!

How 'bout some mashed taters!

Gee whiz! I gotta--Igotta riot on my hands.

What am I supposedto do about it?!

Serve real food, fat face.

Now listen, Stefan. I don'thave to take that from you.

[Bruce] Oh, I got an idea.

Why don't I make myfamous Chinese noodles.

Oh, my favorite dishis moo goo gai!

You're favorite dishis some young guy![laughter]

I have a very special flourright here in my bag.

Oh gee, I don't know.

[everyone] Guard sucks!Guard sucks!

The guard sucks!The guard sucks!

The guard sucks!The guard sucks!

The guard sucks!The guard sucks!

The guard sucks!The guard sucks!

The guard sucks!The guard sucks!

Stop it!

I'll let him go in andcook in the jail kitchen.

Yeah! All right. All right.

You got microwave wok?

I don't think thisis a good idea.

Pretty face, stay out of this.

Look you don't understand.

Look, this is veryexpensive flour.

We can't afford to waste iton a bunch of prisoners.

Don't be selfish.

Guard. Take me to the kitchen.

Let go!

* [music]

Look what you did!

God, the boss is gonna kill me!

The more I inhale, Iwant to be an astronaut.

Well, the more I inhale themore sick and tired I getof your face.

All your faces.

Everybody go home!

Let's go catch us somereal criminals.

Yeah!!!

Will you excuse me for a moment.

Go ahead.

Man, you have enough on thatarm for a condominium...

in Florida.

Damn!

-You still got that M&M's?-Yeah.

-Let's peel them and eat them.-Yeah.

-And then we'll jog to Europe.-Gotcha!

Come on.

[police sirens][everyone singing]* Oh, the yellow rose of Texas

* Is the only gal for me!

Where's the best littleGeshia house in Texas?

Oh, it's right up the roadhere, we'll take you there.

Oh yeah, I gotta havesome sushi. Sushi.

* If you knew sushi

* Like I knew sushi [continue singing...]

Ahhh!!!!

Whooo!!! Whooo!!!

Where...Freddie whereare you going?

I'm going to ride to ridge,where the west commences.

I'm gonna find my new horizons!

Woo, woo, yee-haw!

Yaaa-hoo!

Make way for the newItalian stallion!

Sylvester Stallone...

eat your heart out!

Yea-ha!

[screams]

There must be a better wayto get into your jeans.

[Polish mob boss]Chicago is my town.

Nobody delivers coketo my territory.

Two of Little Pete's guysare comin' into town.

I wanna get those guys.

I want them killed!

How ya gonna do it?

Uh... well, uhumm...

we could, uh...

we could slit his throatfrom, uh, ear to ear.

Or uhmm... [clears throat]

perhaps you're looking forsomething a little bit lessbloody, um...

I could throw a flying starbetween his eyes.

Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh.

Ooo! Or... heh.

We could just drownthem. Heh, heh!

Slam dunk!

Yeah!

Of course, uh...

maybe you're into uh...

a little torture first.[clears throat]

For that, we uh...

we have a wholenew line of uh...

this year's gag balls.Gag balls, hah!

And uh... we have leather whips.

I love the whips part of it.

Yee-ah! Your name's Toby!

-Your name's Toby!-[in a high pitched voice]No. No. Kunta Kinte.

Your name's Toby! Ifrenched Suzy Chapstick.

And that's for meat by-products.

And that's forLuciano Pavarotti.

And that's, that's for peoplethat stop at entrance rampsto freeways.

-[killer] Your name's Toby!-[high pitched voice]No. No. Kunta Kinte.

That's for the Village People.

That's for non-dairy creamers.

And that's for Hee-haw! [laughs]

[killer] Your name's Toby.

[high pitched voice] Yes, yes,my name is Toby. Help me!

'Course there's always, uh...

Castration.

Ew!

'Course if you want somemore conventional method.

This gun and silenceris just dandy!

[shot through silencer]

* [Japanese music]

I hope everything is preparedfor the arrival of my guests.

Look, I want you tomake him feel at home.

He's a very important visitor.

Go all out.

[gong]

[Freddie] Well Bruce,we're in Chicago.

One more delivery and weare on our way to New York.

[Bruce] My grandfather told mehe had a friend in Chicago.

Al Capone.

[Freddie] Hahaha!

Never heard of him.

Bruce has arrived, sir.

Tell him to come in.

Howdy folks!

Welcome.

What is this?

Give me a hug!

Oh sure. Oh, of course, welcome.

[humming]

* [seductive music]

Yeh-ow!

That's for jello pudding!

That's for back bites.

That's for pina coladas.

Ye-aww!

That's for... see you later.

Ye-aw! Soo!

I love sushi.

Seaweed.

Octopus.

But who ordered that fly?

[buzzing fly]

Ye-aww!

I was a Samurai warriorbut I gave it up.

[Bath woman 2] You werea Samurai warrior?

Why did you quit?

Union problem.

Ugh!

You say you are aSamurai warrior but

the fly is still alive.

But that fly willnever make love again.

[buzzing]

After dinner, I'llgive you a massage.

Would you like that?

Massage. I like massage.

In fact, my first timein America, I worked atmassage parlor.

They fired me.

What for?

Rubbing people the wrong way.

* [music]

[Bruce moans getting massage]

Oh!

Ah, feels good. Harder.

Harder... ah!

Ooo! Ooo!

Oriental woman walk fivefeet behind the man.

American woman walkall over the man.

Oh! Ooo! You said you were goingto give me acupuncture!

Now I really need it.

Ooo! Ooo! What are you doing?

I'm playing doctor.

Doctor, I'm fine down there.

The pain is up here.

Ahh!

* [music]

[telephone rings]

Hello.

Big Al... it's me.

Carmen, baby.

You didn't screwup again, did ya?

[Carmen] I got the bag.

I switched them.

They have the real flourand we have the stuff.

[Big Al] Ah, you arebeautiful, baby!

And Little Pete, he's gonnaget the ax. [laughs]

[Carmen]You're not gonna forget aboutme and our plans, are you?

[Big Al]No. Of course not, kiddo.

I want you to comeback here right away.

And be careful.

You carrying enough powderto get all of Chicago high.

Ye-ow!

[Carmen] I'm so excited Al,finally our dreams are goingto come true.

Ooo!

* [Italian music]

What is he doing boss?

Just checking yourChinese flour.

You don't need him.

I'm the real expert.

This is a flour!

Yes sir.

My test shows thatthis is genuine flour.

And a very goodgrade, I may add.

I'm not paying youto be a joker.

Now...

if your life depended on it...

and it does...

do you swear thatthis stuff is flour?

Sir, I'm positive.

I want you out ofthis room, now!

Yes, sir!

* [dramatic music]

Freddie.

Freddie. Freddie.

Ah, Freddie.

You know what this means...

don't you, Freddie? Huh?

Il bacio.

Goodbye, Freddie!

[Bruce] I know what that means.

That means kiss of death.

I've seen Godfather movie.

But I hate to tellyou this boss.

You don't kiss as goodas Marlon Brando.

Now you gonna kiss me too?

You shall die by my bullet

because that's as much

as I can do for you!

* [music]

Noooooo!!!!!

[gunfire]

* [action music] [fighting]

Freddie!

Freddie, come on!

Get him!

[gunfire]

Go! Go! Go! Go now! Go now!

Go! Go! Go! Don't wait! Go! Go!

Lady, please help me.There are gangsters after me.

Gangsters?What happened?

I can't explain. Wouldyou hide me someplace?

Now we're lookingfor an Oriental.

You seen him?

If you are referring to aparticular person of theAsian Mongolian race.

They are not indigenousto this propinquity.

What the hell isshe talking about?

She said...

there's no rice peddlersin this neighborhood.

Yeah? Don't mindif we look around?

Do you have a search warrant?

I know my rights!

I happen to be alaw student at NYU.

[gangster] Yeah, lady.[gun clicks]

This is our search warrant.

* [music]

Stop it! Stop it!

You're ruining my merchandise.

You'll get reimbursedin hell, lady.

Stop it! Stop it!

You got something to hide?

I'll tell you.

I'll tell you where he is!

Well why didn't you say so.

He's... in the back room.

-'Scuse me.-It's okay.

What are you searching for?[crowd responds]

What are you searching for?

-I want you to tell me today.-Amen!

What are you searching for?

[crowd reacts] Amen!

-Come to me and tell me.-I am searching for Him.

Amen!

Ask...and it will be given you.

Seek...and you will find.

Knock...and it willbe open to you.

Amen. Amen.

What are you searching for?

I want to be healed.

You're in the wrongline, sister.

Remember, children...

God gave us his love.

And the Catholics gaveus Bingo. Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

What are you searchingfor, sister?

I'm looking for a man.

Tell us about him.

Was he in your heart?

No. He was in my car.

Well, spiritually...

he is everywhere we go.

And we call him Jesus.

No. I call him Freddie.

-Hallelujah!-Hallelujah!

Um, why don't you turnaround and share yourexperience with us.

-Amen.-Amen.

Brothers and sisters.

-Amen...

It all started when I was a kid.

I was raised by my grandfather

and we didn't haveno clothes, no food.

We were so poor one timeburglar broke into house...

we robbed him.

-Amen.-Amen.

Amen.

But seriously folks...

today people are so, uh...

what you call... materialistic.

Materialistic.

-Yes. That's the word.-Yes, sir!

Money... is not the mostimportant thing in life.

The most important thingin life is broads. Broads!

-Amen!-[crowd] Broads?!

Broads?

Sister, you can not sayblasphemous things inthis holy church.

Repent. Repent.

Did I do something wrong?

[Old Church Lady] Moony.

Moony. Moony.

[crowd chants]Moony. Moony...

[car horn blares][church chanting "Moony!"]

* [action music]

Gizzard! I mean Freddie!

Run! Run!

-I'll take care of this.-Good!

Say blood.

Give me five... yomamma... get down.

What you mean yo mama?

Wait a minute. I knowwhere you coming from.

But you got to get ittogether. Do like I do.

-Say blood...-Say blood.

-Naw. Say blood.-Naw. Say blood.

-What's happenin'.-What's happenin'.

Say fool, what 'cho name.

Say fool, they call me Bruce.

[all with a lisp] Bruce?

What yours?

I'm Curtis.

Curtis. This fool be Freddie.

Ah Curtis, It's a pleasure.I want you to know you allrun very fast.

We know that.

Yeah, so what's yo problem?

Man, there are some dudesthey're chasing us all over

and they're from ma-fi-a.

Ma-fi-a!

Whoo! So what you needis some protection.

Right on!

[Crowd]Yeah! Right on!

You all come withus. We'll hide you.

[chatter]

* [funk music]

* [music]

[buzzing]

Whoa.

What are thesestuff in this room?

Just some electronic gadgets.

And that's an electric chair?

-Yeah-[knock at door]

Uh, must be Curtiswith the food.

Hi, Bruce.

[Bruce] Hello.

You look familiar.

May I come in.

[Bruce] Yes.

Thank you.

[Anita] Don't you recognize me?

We met in Gionelli's bar.

Oh.

She's the lady whogave me this necklace.

Ahhaha! Oh, yeah.

You're the one with all themoaning and the kissing

and the breathingin his ear, huh.

Look, I'm a federal agent.

Oh my God!

[Anita] The necklace I gave youwas an electronic microphone.

We've monitored allyour conversations

we know all your locationsall over the country.

[Freddie] Oh my God!

Can't you say anythingbut "Oh my God!"?

They used you Bruce!

You were their stooge.

You weren't delivering flour,you were delivering cocaine.

Drugs, Bruce.

Drugs.

* [music]

Oh my Buddha.

I've been delivering drugs?

Oh. Forgive me!

Bruce... I was gonna tell ya.

But you know... I took an oath.

Don't blame Freddie.

If he would of said anything

they would havekilled him and you.

I took an oath too.For Bruce Lee.

Now I have disgraced him.

[Anita] Not yet...

We can still makeup for everything.

We can get an amnestyfor Freddie...

I need your help.

Now you want me tobe your stooge?

[Anita] If we cancatch these guys

we can stop the entiredistribution of all thedrugs in the underworld.

When we do that, wecan find your lady.

We're gonna needyour help, Bruce.

I must help you.

That's all there is to say.

* [Italian music]

Here we go.

Well, well Freddie.

Now, I'm glad to see that youdecided to make up for your...

unhealthy mistake.

Where is it?

[Freddie] If we give it toyou now, you'll kill us.

[Big Boss] Freddie...

you're already a dead man.

[Freddie] Well Bruce, uh...

guess you better give it to him.

[Big Boss] You see...

you're braver than I thought.

Hey! Where is it?

Yee-ow!!!

[fighting noises]

[Freddie] Hey Bruce!

Get him, he went that way!

[police sirens]

[Policeman] Hold it!Freeze! Right now!

Right, move it! Onthe car! On the car!

Hello, boss.

[Bruce] I hope you likethe food in hoosegow

otherwise I have to bringChinese noodles for you.

[police radio]

[Bruce] Freddie? Wait.

Oh man, Bruce. Whaddaya want? Whaddya--

-I want you to have this---Ah, no man.

So I'll always knowwhere my best friend is.

[Freddie] You makeme laugh, you know.

You always make me laugh.

Ciao fratello!

* [music]

[Freddie] Come ondriver. Let's go, huh.

You think there is a bararound here or somethingon the way maybe?

Arrivederci!

Well, according tothis, that's the lady.

That's the lady?

No, darling.

That's the lady.

* ["America TheBeautiful" plays] *

Wow. My grandfather was right.

She is the most beautifullady in the world.

[Anita] Your grandfathermeant America.

America will take care of you.

Come.

[Statue of Liberty] Bruce.

Don't forget the mostimportant thing in life.

* [music]

* Oriental boy find a girl.

* You won't have torun anymore. *

* Win her with the heartof a kung-fu dragon *

* Just the way youdreamt it before. *

* Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

* Oriental boy. So-so.

* Go! Go! Go!

* Now that you havegrown to a man. *

* Do you feel acertain surprise? *

* Living may be hard,oh, but life is funny. *

* Oh the little boy'sstill inside. *

* Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

* Oriental boy. Bye bye.

* Go! Go! Go!

* [music]

* He's gonna make it.

* You know he will.

* He's gonna makeit on his own. *

* He's gonna make it.

* You know he will.

* He's gonna makeit on his own. *

* He's gonna make it.

* You know he will.

* He's gonna makeit on his own. *

[song fades out]

* [Multicom EntertainmentGroup jingle] *