All language subtitles for The.Neighborhood.S02E21

Oh, Lord, not today.

Hey, Calvin, greetings...

from the future.

Goodbye... from the now.

Just checking out
this sweet ride

to make sure it's
safe for Grover.

Have you fallenon your ass yet?

Not yet.

Oh, well, then,
looks like I have a few minutes.

Now, I always test out Grover's
toys before I give them to him.

I've swallowed
every size Lego there is

to make sure
they're not a choking hazard.

Turns out, some of them are.

Dave, I got to get to work,
so if you're gonna fall,

you know, let's make it happen.

Actually,

I'm starting
to get the hang of this thing.

It's a lot easier than it looks!

Whoa, whoa!
Dave, watch out!

Oh!

Hey, man, are you all right?

Yes, but...

Did you see that
idiot out there?

Yeah, that speeding caralmost hit him.

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm-I'm fine, thanks.

Well, good. Well, look,
I'm late for work, but, um,

this was totally worth it.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood.

Oh, hey, Dave.

Hey, Calvin. I need
your signature.

I told you,
I am not autographing

that picture of us at Benihanas.

I'm not here for that.

But FYI, everyone else
at the table signed it.

Look, I'm sorry, Dave.

I don't want Calvin
signing anything.

I'm still trying to get him
outof that damn record club.

Three years and 20 more CDs,

and I'm scot-free.

Well, you know, actually,
after yesterday,

I decided to do something
about all the speeders.

It turns out
there's a new navigation app

that's sending cars downour
street to beat the traffic.

You know, I usedone of those things once.

The stupid thing told me

to drive throughsomeone's backyard.

But on the plus side,
I saved about three minutes.

Well, you know,

I did some research, and the
city will put in a speed bump

if I get a signature from
everyone on the street.

You're my first stop.

And your last one.

A white guy goingdoor-to-door
for signatures

in this neighborhood?

Nice knowing you, Dave.

What Calvin is trying to say...

People around here are a little
suspicious of getting scammed.

You know? Dwayne Wilson
thought he was signing up

for free HBO
and ended up in the Marines.

Poor bastard just made colonel.

Well, if door-to-door

isn't gonna work,
what should I do?

Well, first, if you want people

to sign anything around here,

you got to earn their trust.
Mm.

Well, how do I do that?

Well, I mean,
they're all individuals, Dave.

For example,
Trey likes to talk about sports

and how paternity tests
can be wrong sometimes.

And Old Miss Kim likestalking
about Bingo, her garden

and how her milkshakebrings
all the boys to the yard.

And whatever you do,

do not ask Little Hatchet
how she got her nickname.

Or why she got a
divorce, but they're

basically both
the same story. Basically the same story.

Man, it sounds like I've
bit offmore than I can chew.

This is that Lego fireman
all over again.

Dave, just invite
everybody over,

give them some food,
and they'll sign.

It'll only work
if you do one thing.

Feed 'em catfish and cornbread.

Why that?

Because that's
what I'm in the mood for.

Hey, G-man,

what are you doing?

Just playing soccer in my head.

Hey, I just scored!

Well, I used to pretendlike
that in my head.

Except instead of soccer, it was girls.

Yeah, but you never scored.

So, why are you just
pretending to play

when you got this whole lawn
right here?

Since my dad almost got hit
by a car,

my mom won't let me play
near the street.

She's being crazy.

No, I just think she's
beingcautious and protective.

No, she's being crazy. Watch.

Grover, I told you
to stay on the porch! Whoa!

Wow, Gemma. You got here
before your voice did.

Sorry.

I'm just so worried about
Grover getting hurt.

You know, with all the cars
zipping up and down the street.

Yeah, we get it.

Our mom was afraid of
a lot of stuff, too.

We spent half our childhood
locked up like Grover here

in porch jail.

Yeah, she put us in therefor
earthquakes, pit bulls,

that guywith the ice cream truck

that never hadany ice cream.

Well, hey, we are goingto
check out the Pasadena fair.

Why don't you let us take
Grover with us?

Can I, Mom, please?

I don't know.

Do you promise notto do anything dangerous?

Oh, absolutely.

I guarantee we will have

a no-fun, danger-free,
super-boring time.

Uh, I'm not sure
I want to go anymore.

Hey, zip it, kid, we're
trying to break you out.

I haven't

seen this much of
the block in one place

since Colonel Wilson
got home from Iraq.

And everyone isloving my food.

No one's even noticed thatthe
catfish is actually tofu.

Uh-uh. This ain't right.

Calvin, you were right.
This was the perfect way

to get the whole streeton
board for the speed bump.

What can I say, Dave?
These are my people.

I love them, and they love me.

Out of the way, jackass.

Who's that? Oh, that's Walter.

That's the jerk that lives
on the other side of me.

Oh, man, I've never seen him
outside of the house before.

Yeah, because he only
comes out at night,

like bats and vampires.

Well, now that everybody's here, let's...
let's get started.

Okay, uh, if I could have
everyone's attention, please.

An easel? Is he gonna talk
abouta speed bump or paint one?

Dave lovesgiving presentations.

One time I asked him why,

and he answeredwith a
ten-minute presentation.

Okay, now, I don't want to
taketoo much of your time,

so I'll just get right to it.

Pasadena.

Jewel of the San Gabriel Valley.

Established in 1874,
but, you know,

oddly, not incorporated until...

How long is this gonna take?

I have plans
with a gentleman tonight,

and I'm hoping
he's not gonna be a gentleman.

Yeah.

And I got a cable guy coming
between now and Friday.

Hey, hey, Dave,
you-you maywant to speed this up.

Yeah, got it. Okay, uh,

skipping
the Industrial Revolution,

the sinking of the Titanic,
uh, World War I...

The automobile.

I'm out.

It's not worththe free food.

I can come over earlier.

Got to go.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.
All right, hold up, everybody.

Come on now.

I want to walk out on Dave
just as much as you do,

but he actually has
something important to say.

More important than this sweet
piece of meat right here?

Okay, all right, guys.

Look, we've all seen how fast

these cars have beengoing down our streets.

And I think it's timewe
do something about it.

That's true. WOMAN:
You got a point.

That is true. CALVIN:
Hey, come on out here, Dave.

Come on now.
Come on now.

Thank you, Calvin, and, look,

I'll-I'll cut
right to the chase.

To quote Henry Ford... Oh, you know what?

To quote Calvin Butler,
if you sign, you can leave.

♪

So, how's thatdeep-fried pickle?

It's pretty
disgusting. Um,

some things should not be
battered and put on a stick.

Ooh, deep-fried butter.

Whoa! Oh.

Can we go
on that roller coaster?

Uh, sorry, little man.
We promised your mom

we wouldn't do
anything dangerous.

And we already pushed our
luckwith the petting zoo.

That pygmy goat triedto eat my jacket.

Hey, how about we go
on the Ferris wheel?

Ferris wheel?
That's the lamest ride here.

Well, we can go back
to the bounce house.

And if you promiseto be careful,

this timewe'll let you jump.

Fine, we'll go
on the stupid Ferris wheel.

But you guys are boring.

That kid's not as cute
as he used to be.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you so much.

Yeah, good. Oh, here you go.

Now, you surethis not for the Marines?

Hmm.

You'd be a lot safer
joining the Marines

than going over to
Miss Kim's tonight.

I know. Pray for me.

Hey, thanks for
backing me up, Calvin.

Everyone's signing the petition.

Well, nothing'smore important to me

than the safetyof our neighborhood.

I'll do anythingto protect these kids.

Oh, hey, Walter.
If you could just sign

on the last spot right there.

Oh, yeah, I'd... I-I'd be happy to

if Calvin finally agrees to
movehis fence off of my property.

Well, Dave, we tried.

Hey, Calvin, what
was that all about?

That fool thinks my fence
issix inches onto his property.

Is it? Whose side are you on, Dave?

Calvin, Walter's
the last signature we need

to get the speed bump.

Look, that fence has been
theresince I moved in,

and I'm not moving it now.

Plus, if I give in to him
once, it won't stop there.

I'm telling you, Dave,
kindness is a slippery slope.

Well, okay, Calvin,
that's not true.

Oh, yes, it is.
I said hello to you once,

and look at us now.

Okay, well, if you won't move,

then how are we gonna get
the speed bump?

Oh, that's easy.
Gonna wait for him to die.

Hey, besides,
I got youall those other signatures.

Yeah, which mean
absolutely nothing

if we don't get Walter's.

Well, I'm sorry, Dave.

If it makes you feel any better,

I'll sign the picture
of us at Benihana.

It's too late.

I already forged it.

♪

Ha-ha!

Wow! What a view!

Yeah, check this
out, little man.

You can see everything
from up here.

Like how much fun
they're having over there

on the roller coaster!

Are you kidding?

That doesn't looklike much fun at all.

We are totally coming back heretomorrow.

Whoa!
Whoa!

Whoa! Hey, now, hey!

What just happened?

Uh, I don't know.

Hey, maybe they're
just letting more riders on.

Uh, or...

maybe the motorjust caught on fire,

and the operator triedto
put it out with his beer!

Seriously?

Hey, hey, look, it's
okay, little man.

All right? Everything
is gonna be fine.

It's not fine.

It's awesome!

What? Oh! Finally, some realfun.

Whoa! No!

♪

Calvin Butler.

What is wrong with you?

I would say nothing,
but I'm sure

you're about
to tell me different.

You're damn right I am.

Dave just told mewhat happened.

I cannot believe
after all of these years

you're still fighting
over that stupid fence.

Why does Walter care so much
about six inches?

Well, why do you care so much?

It's six inches.

Is it about the money?

I mean, it can't bethat
expensive to move a fence.

No, it's not about that.
It's about the principle.

And it's like
my father always said:

"A man's fence is
a man's fence."

When did your father say that?

Whose side are you on, Tina?

Is your pridemore important

than the safety of the kids
in this neighborhood?

Nah, babe. Don't try to make
this whole speed bump thing

about safety.

Okay...

when Malcolm and
Marty were little,

you did everything in your
power to keep them safe.

You even used
to make Marty wear a helmet

just to play hide-and-seek.

I made him wear that thingall the time.

The kid had no balance.

Okay.

When Malcolm said
that he was old enough

to take his bike to the park,
you followed him in your car

just to make sure
he got there safely.

I had to.

He was pulling Marty in a wagon.

That boy fell out
every two blocks.

Come on, babe.

You love Grover.

Doesn't he deserve to be
just as safe as our boys were?

Yeah, I guess.

That's my big papa bear.

Taking careof all the little cubs.

Yeah, you know me, huh?

Always looking out for
the neighborhood kids.

Mmm.

Oh. You know what? What?

That gives me an idea. What?

I can underpay them
to move the fence.

♪

Yeah!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! You have got
to cut that out, little man.

You have got to stop.

This rocking is not helpingthat
deep-fried pizza stay down.

What? When did you eat that?

When you guys were
in the bathroom.

You two are no fun.

You're just as bad as my mom.

Hey, look, don't be
so hard on her, okay?

She just wants to keep you safe.

Why? I'm not a baby.

Yeah, I know.
The only reason

your mom is so overprotective

is because of how much
she cares about you.

Yeah, i-if you see a kid
having too much fun,

that means
his mom doesn't love him.

So, that kid
in front of the roller coaster

with his hands up in the air...

You mean the one eating that
corn dog with no shirt on?

Yeah. His mama
don't even know he's here.

Wow. That's sad.

Exactly.

So every time your mom
tells you, stop running,

tie your shoes, or be careful,

what she's really saying
is she loves you.

I guess I'm pretty lucky.

You sure are.

Which means she's gonna
besuper mad when she finds out

you got me stuck up here.

Uh, no, she won't,
no, she won't.

Because we're fine.
Right, Marty?

Yeah, yeah.
We-We're-we're totally safe.

This kind of thing happens
all the time.

Oh, thank you, Jesus!
Ah, we are gonna live!

Thanks so much for
doing this, Calvin.

Did Tina change your mind?

No. I was alwaysgonna do it.

I just needed to knowhow committed youwere.

Well, you're doing
the right thing,

and I, for one, appreciate it.

Do youappreciate it enough

to give me six incheson yourproperty?

Sorry, Calvin.

It's like my dad used to say:

"A man's fence is
a man's fence."

Damn. You're not Miss Kim.

Look, Walter, I need
to talk to you.

Oh, wha-what are you here
to steal now?

My Wi-Fi password?

I'll give youa hint.

It's "Calvin"
and four other letters.

Look, man,

I just came over here to say
if you sign Dave's petition,

I'll move the damn fence.

Great. I was waiting
for you to die.

Walter, I really appreciate it.

Just sign right under where
Treywrote "Not joining Marines."

Okay.

But actually,
since it took you this long,

maybe I should charge you
a little interest.

How about we move that fence
a full foot?

What?

I got a full foot for you.

You know... Oh, okay, all right, all right.

Calvin, calm down.

We need that speed bump.
Please.

All right. But
this ain't for you.

This is for the kids.

Well, in that case,
let's move it two feet...

One for me and one for the kids.

Oh, to hell with you!

You know what, I can't believeyou're
trying to pull this crap,

after all the stuff I let you
slide with over the years.

What have you let slide?

Are you kidding me?

Do you know how many
of your old roof tiles

have flown over into my yard?

And what about the
floodlights you put up?

They're just shining bright
all night in my bedroom.

Every time I get up
to go to the bathroom,

it feels like a prison break.

Not my problem.

A-Actually, Walter, it is.

According to the
Pasadena Zoning Manual,

those are both residential
C-1 violations.

So?

So, if the city
inspector finds out,

you're staring down the barrel
of some pretty hefty fines.

He is?

You are.

Yeah, you know, and now that
I'mlooking around, there's no way

that this half-saddle door
threshold is up to code.

And don't even get me started
on the enclosed breezeway,

which is clearly within fivefeet
of a multi-person dwelling.

Do not get him started
on breezeways.

Well, hold on, now, we don't
have to get into all of that.

You're right, we don't.

Because you're gonna
sign that petition,

and we're gonna put up a speed
bump to protect these kids.

Are we clear?

Crystal, baby.

Fine. You win.

But that catfish
at your party sucked.

Give me my pen.

Damn, Dave, that was gangsta, man.

Yeah, you want to hear
something even more gangsta?

I just made all that stuff up.

I don't even know
what a breezeway is.

This is so great.

That speed bump is really gonna
slow people down around here.

Yeah, and it's short enoughthat
I could just zip around it.

Mom, does this mean
I can play outside again?

Yes. But not near the street,

not after dark,
and never without supervision.

I love you, too.

Can I go inside
and play on my iPad?

Okay.

What was I thinking?
He could get carpal tunnel.

Look at that speed bump.

Isn't she beautiful?

Yeah. It reminds me of you.

Mm.Black,

curvy...

and makes me want to slow
down and take my time.

Oh...

Oh, now I'm gonna feel guilty
every time I run over it.

But, seriously, you did a
good thing for the community.

You should be proud of yourself.

Well, I'm glad
you feel that way.

Because I've decided...

I'm not stopping here.

What do you think?

You're running for city council?

Yeah. You're kidding, right?

Nope. You know,
getting this done

really woke up
my sense of civic duty.

Plus, I've always wanted
to seemy face on a button.

So, if you win,

won't that mean you'll be super
busy doing government stuff

and won't have the time to
hang around here as much?

I'm afraid so.

Hmm.
Well, in
that case,

you got myvote.

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