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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:18,496 --> 00:01:23,751 Lonestar Barbecue Sauce, the perfect partner for your chicken. 2 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,130 Can you just run it a few more times, Lee? 3 00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:37,264 Lonestar Barbecue Sauce, the perfect partner for your chicken. 4 00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:44,063 Lonestar Barbecue Sauce, the perfect partner for your chicken. 5 00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:51,320 Lonestar Barbecue Sauce, the perfect partner for your chicken. 6 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:54,532 You got it? 7 00:01:56,575 --> 00:01:57,451 Can you do one more? 8 00:01:59,245 --> 00:02:00,496 You want something different? 9 00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:04,375 Just do one more. 10 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:13,884 Lonestar Barbecue Sauce, the perfect partner for your chicken. 11 00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:16,679 Yeah? 12 00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:18,973 And do one more? 13 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,353 Lonestar Barbecue Sauce... 14 00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:41,787 Hey, Peter. 15 00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,414 Hey, Lee, how are you? 16 00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:44,707 What's up? 17 00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,834 Have you ever heard of a group called 18 00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:49,962 The Western Appreciation and Preservation Guild? 19 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:52,214 No. 20 00:02:52,423 --> 00:02:54,300 Well, I just got a call from them, 21 00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:57,636 they want to give you a Lifetime Achievement Award. 22 00:02:58,804 --> 00:02:59,638 Okay. 23 00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:04,059 Lifetime, huh? 24 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:05,186 Yeah. 25 00:03:07,646 --> 00:03:08,814 Is there anything else? 26 00:03:09,648 --> 00:03:12,233 I don't know, there's some sort of award ceremony. 27 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:16,237 I figured that. I mean, is there anything else? Like... 28 00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,699 Uh, I don't know. A job offer? A script? 29 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,452 Not at the moment. 30 00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,164 But we're expecting some things soon, Lee. 31 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:28,667 Right. 32 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:23,430 Lee. Sorry to keep you waiting. 33 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,473 It's fine. 34 00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:34,858 I know we were all hoping to get good news about this biopsy. 35 00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:38,862 But... I'm afraid I don't have good news. 36 00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:56,518 Shit. 37 00:07:58,228 --> 00:07:59,438 Goddammit. 38 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,118 Lee. 39 00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,496 Shit. You trying to give me a heart attack? 40 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:17,748 I'm trying to get you to open the god damn door. 41 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,041 That was a cop-knock. 42 00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,878 You know, like you're a cop knocking. That's how cops knock. 43 00:08:25,464 --> 00:08:26,548 You wanna smoke some joints? 44 00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:27,758 Yeah. 45 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:40,521 Are you okay? 46 00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:44,024 You seem a little... 47 00:08:44,525 --> 00:08:45,442 off. 48 00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:48,946 The thing is... 49 00:08:52,241 --> 00:08:53,367 I got some news. 50 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:56,703 What news? 51 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:07,756 I wanna make a movie. 52 00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:10,676 - Oh, yeah? - Mm-hm. 53 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,636 I had this dream last night... 54 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,097 Mm--stop right there. 55 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:16,889 Why? 56 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:17,975 Question? 57 00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,186 Do you like hearing about other people's dreams? 58 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,272 I don't know. 59 00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:25,190 Sure. 60 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,401 - Really? - Yeah. 61 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:28,902 Because for me... 62 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:31,738 hearing about other people's dreams is... 63 00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,367 You telling me you don't wanna hear about my dream? 64 00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:38,245 Yeah. 65 00:09:38,246 --> 00:09:39,329 Fuck you. 66 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,665 It just doesn't interest me, man. 67 00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:44,793 Think about it, I mean, it's your dream. 68 00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:46,378 What about movies? 69 00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:48,130 Do they interest you? 70 00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,591 Yeah. I love movies. 71 00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:52,801 Movies are other people's dreams. 72 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,055 So... 73 00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,349 You got an ounce of this shit, or what? 74 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:00,892 I need it. 75 00:10:01,727 --> 00:10:02,728 An ounce? 76 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:03,729 Yeah. 77 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,523 One ounce of the devil's lettuce. 78 00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,401 That's gonna clean me out, man. 79 00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:14,573 I don't why you just can't go to the store like everybody else. 80 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,617 I like coming here. 81 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:18,994 Yeah? 82 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,789 You are a creature of habit, if ever there was one. 83 00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:25,917 It's called Platinum Cookies. 84 00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:28,253 It's a blend, it's real good shit. 85 00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:31,006 Platinum Cookies. 86 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,178 Platinum Cookies, the real good shit. 87 00:10:37,054 --> 00:10:38,680 Say that, just--just that. 88 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:42,893 Platinum Cookies. 89 00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:46,104 The real good shit. 90 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,315 Oh, my God. 91 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,443 That voice could sell a shit ton of weed, my friend. 92 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:56,990 What's this? 93 00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,117 Shrooms. 94 00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,120 Break in case of emergency. 95 00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,092 Who's that? 96 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:03,557 Oh, hey. 97 00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:05,642 Charlotte, come on in. 98 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,102 - Hey, man. - Hey. 99 00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:11,273 God, it... place smells like fish sells in here. 100 00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:14,234 Yeah, we're just finishing a little afternoon snack. 101 00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,487 Lee, Charlotte. Charlotte, Lee. 102 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:19,448 Hey. 103 00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:21,116 Hi. 104 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:24,202 I'll be right back. Don't worry, he's cool. 105 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:51,646 You're staring at me. 106 00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:53,940 Sorry. 107 00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:57,360 I didn't say I had a problem with it, I was just simply... 108 00:12:58,445 --> 00:12:59,279 pointing it out. 109 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,073 I like trying to figure people out. 110 00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:07,621 I think you can figure out a lot about a person by just looking at them. 111 00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:11,249 Okay. 112 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:15,712 So, what'd you figure out about me? 113 00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:17,881 Not a thing. 114 00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:26,932 How do I know you? 115 00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:30,769 I know you from something. 116 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,396 If you say so. 117 00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:35,982 Are you an actor? 118 00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:38,985 Yeah. 119 00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,198 All the actors I know are self-centered and insane. 120 00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:47,327 Sounds about right. 121 00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,627 You're staring at me now? 122 00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:57,921 Yeah. 123 00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:02,425 Seeing if I can... figure you out. 124 00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:04,761 Can you? 125 00:14:06,972 --> 00:14:08,098 You seem sad. 126 00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:12,352 There you go. 127 00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:14,312 Thanks. 128 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,274 It's all here, but... count it. 129 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,068 Don't drink too much with these. 130 00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:22,070 Thanks. 131 00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,951 Jesus! Get some sun, man. 132 00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:30,412 Nice to meet you, um... 133 00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:33,915 Sorry, I forgot your name. 134 00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:36,710 - Lee. - Right. Lee. 135 00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:40,297 They say that memory is the second thing to go. 136 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,717 And what's the first? 137 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:45,218 I can't remember. 138 00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:49,389 How do you two know each other? 139 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,767 We were on a TV show together. 140 00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:54,561 Nothing you've ever heard of. 141 00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,814 It's called Cattle Drive. It ran for 13 episodes. 142 00:14:58,565 --> 00:14:59,524 Lee was the lead. 143 00:15:00,108 --> 00:15:01,692 Ben Horn, a gun slinger. 144 00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:02,527 Whoa. 145 00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:05,655 I was a cocky kid who stole the wrong man's horse. 146 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,116 - You mean you had a real job once? - Yeah. 147 00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,744 Had a wife too. So did he. 148 00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:12,954 Now, we just have each other. 149 00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:15,415 Well. 150 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,127 Nice to meet you, Lee. 151 00:15:57,749 --> 00:15:59,250 This one, and this one. 152 00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:08,718 What a nice surprise. 153 00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,137 A nice surprise? 154 00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:18,728 Good to see you, Val. 155 00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:19,938 Sure it is. 156 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,243 You getting ready for another show? 157 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,578 Yes, at the end of the month. 158 00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:51,386 Have you seen Lucy recently? 159 00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:56,016 Yes, she came over for dinner, we watched some TV on Sunday. 160 00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:02,313 What'd you watch? 161 00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:06,109 You wanna know what we watched on television? 162 00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,570 I haven't seen Lucy in a long time. 163 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:09,696 Call her. 164 00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:11,740 She doesn't want me to call her. 165 00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:12,949 Don't do that. 166 00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,452 I don't blame her. 167 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:23,960 You should call her. 168 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,400 I've got something I wanna tell you. 169 00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:57,577 I'm gonna make a movie. 170 00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:06,086 Peter Cohen's office. 171 00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,462 Hey, Chelsea, it's Lee, for Peter. 172 00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:11,299 - Hi, Lee, let me see if I have him. - Thanks. 173 00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,179 Lee, what's up? 174 00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:18,681 When did you say that thing was again? 175 00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:21,351 - The Western award? - Yeah. 176 00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:48,753 Dad. 177 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:50,630 You look good out there. 178 00:18:53,925 --> 00:18:55,260 Remember when we used to play? 179 00:18:58,346 --> 00:18:59,389 What are you doing here? 180 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:03,810 I mean, how did you know I was here? 181 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:05,687 Your mother told me. 182 00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,065 I was in the neighborhood, and I just... 183 00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:13,862 How's work going? 184 00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:16,739 Still waiting tables at that steakhouse? 185 00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:18,700 I liked that place. 186 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:22,954 I work for Google. 187 00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:25,373 Oh. 188 00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:27,792 Yeah, I sell advertising space for them. 189 00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:30,003 Wow. 190 00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,214 Yeah. 191 00:19:34,716 --> 00:19:35,592 What's up? 192 00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:38,761 Oh. 193 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,597 I guess it's been a while, huh? 194 00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:42,724 Yeah. 195 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:45,935 You look the same though. 196 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,396 That's good, I guess. 197 00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:55,778 I was thinking, uh... 198 00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:02,702 I'm getting this lifetime achievement award thing, and uh... 199 00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,455 it's no big deal but, 200 00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,084 I was thinking maybe you'd like to go with me... 201 00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:12,086 to the ceremony. 202 00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:17,008 When is it? 203 00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:18,593 Sunday. 204 00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:20,678 This Sunday? 205 00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:24,140 I'm going to Palm Springs with Jake. I can't cancel. 206 00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:26,434 Right. 207 00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:29,020 Okay. 208 00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,315 How about dinner when you get back? 209 00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:37,737 My treat. You pick the place, time, whatever. 210 00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:45,203 I'm free Tuesday. 211 00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:48,998 Yeah. Yeah, that'll be great. 212 00:20:52,794 --> 00:20:53,711 I got to get back. 213 00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:04,389 I'll see ya. Tuesday. 214 00:21:35,753 --> 00:21:36,838 Hello? 215 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:40,300 Hello, Mr. Hayden? It's Nina calling from Cedars-Sinai. 216 00:21:41,050 --> 00:21:44,512 Dr. Friedburg would like to schedule your first oncology appointment. 217 00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:47,056 Oh? 218 00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:49,809 Are you available tomorrow morning at 11:00? 219 00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:52,812 Tomorrow morning? 220 00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:55,315 Um... 221 00:21:55,690 --> 00:21:57,859 Dr. Friedburg would like to discuss your treatment plan 222 00:21:58,026 --> 00:21:59,610 with you as soon as possible. 223 00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:04,198 Is there another time that might be better for you? 224 00:22:06,117 --> 00:22:08,536 I'm actually in the middle of something right now, could... 225 00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,497 - Can I call you back? - Yeah, that's fine. 226 00:24:29,677 --> 00:24:31,262 Best tacos in L.A., right? 227 00:24:31,888 --> 00:24:32,972 Yeah. 228 00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:35,099 You live around here? 229 00:24:35,516 --> 00:24:36,476 No. 230 00:24:37,894 --> 00:24:39,645 Stalking you. 231 00:24:40,313 --> 00:24:41,397 Yeah. 232 00:24:44,358 --> 00:24:45,276 Charlotte, right? 233 00:24:46,903 --> 00:24:48,446 Got a good memory for an old pot-head. 234 00:24:49,405 --> 00:24:50,823 A sad old pot-head. 235 00:24:52,116 --> 00:24:53,576 Why did you say that anyway? 236 00:24:54,911 --> 00:24:58,247 Um, because you're old and you smoke a lot of weed. 237 00:24:59,207 --> 00:25:00,833 I mean, the part about me being sad. 238 00:25:04,128 --> 00:25:05,129 I don't know. 239 00:25:06,214 --> 00:25:07,340 Are you? 240 00:25:10,927 --> 00:25:12,178 Nothing wrong with that. 241 00:25:20,978 --> 00:25:21,896 Are you married? 242 00:25:23,606 --> 00:25:26,234 Divorced. Have been for a long time. 243 00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:32,532 So are you gonna ask for my number? 244 00:25:35,535 --> 00:25:36,577 You want me to? 245 00:25:39,747 --> 00:25:40,790 Yeah. 246 00:25:42,041 --> 00:25:44,585 What? You got a thing for sad old guys or something? 247 00:25:45,294 --> 00:25:47,046 No. 248 00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:48,339 Just old guys. 249 00:25:58,975 --> 00:26:00,226 You doing anything on Sunday night? 250 00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:22,582 Cheers. 251 00:26:23,624 --> 00:26:25,126 To achieving things in a lifetime. 252 00:26:25,543 --> 00:26:26,711 Sure. 253 00:26:39,432 --> 00:26:40,808 What's that? 254 00:26:42,435 --> 00:26:43,811 Fairy powder. 255 00:26:44,312 --> 00:26:45,563 Uh-huh. 256 00:26:47,231 --> 00:26:49,483 It's something that will make you feel great. 257 00:26:51,402 --> 00:26:52,945 I'm feeling pretty good right now. 258 00:26:54,697 --> 00:26:55,906 Oh, yeah? 259 00:27:05,041 --> 00:27:08,794 It won't kill you, I promise. But no peer pressure. 260 00:27:11,797 --> 00:27:12,882 Give me that stuff. 261 00:27:20,348 --> 00:27:23,309 You really like burning the candle at both ends, don't you? 262 00:27:24,185 --> 00:27:25,728 It seems like you do too. 263 00:27:34,695 --> 00:27:35,696 You know who came up with that? 264 00:27:37,323 --> 00:27:38,574 "Burning the candle at both ends"? 265 00:27:39,950 --> 00:27:40,785 Who's that? 266 00:27:42,078 --> 00:27:43,663 Edna St. Vincent Millay. 267 00:27:49,710 --> 00:27:51,545 "My candle burns at both ends, 268 00:27:52,380 --> 00:27:53,756 "It will not last the night, 269 00:27:55,007 --> 00:27:57,510 "But, ah, my foes, and oh, my friends, 270 00:27:57,718 --> 00:27:59,679 It gives a lovely light!" 271 00:28:02,223 --> 00:28:03,307 Isn't it great? 272 00:28:04,558 --> 00:28:05,851 It's called First Fig. 273 00:28:14,276 --> 00:28:15,319 What? 274 00:28:18,072 --> 00:28:19,281 I'm thinking. 275 00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:21,992 What are you thinking? 276 00:28:23,494 --> 00:28:26,372 That if you were maybe 20 years older, I'd probably kiss you. 277 00:28:27,832 --> 00:28:29,125 I got to wait 20 years? 278 00:28:29,834 --> 00:28:31,085 You'll be dead in 20 years. 279 00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:34,547 Don't remind me. 280 00:28:40,052 --> 00:28:41,345 So, you're ready for tonight? 281 00:28:44,473 --> 00:28:45,558 Not really. 282 00:28:48,018 --> 00:28:49,186 Are you gonna give a speech? 283 00:28:52,148 --> 00:28:53,524 They'll be expecting that. 284 00:28:54,275 --> 00:28:56,277 Just talk about all your lifetime achievements. 285 00:28:59,113 --> 00:29:00,906 I did one film that I'm proud of. 286 00:29:02,158 --> 00:29:03,534 That was 40 years ago. 287 00:29:04,452 --> 00:29:07,121 Since then, I've stayed busy, but I wouldn't say I've been... 288 00:29:09,373 --> 00:29:10,291 achieving. 289 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:16,839 It's kinda weird being remembered for one part for so many years. 290 00:29:17,882 --> 00:29:18,924 Yeah? 291 00:29:21,385 --> 00:29:24,180 But it's about as close to immortality as any person can get. 292 00:29:25,639 --> 00:29:26,807 You haven't even seen it. 293 00:29:27,433 --> 00:29:28,726 I don't need to see it. 294 00:29:30,186 --> 00:29:31,479 I've got you right here. 295 00:29:33,355 --> 00:29:34,607 Got the man himself. 296 00:29:37,026 --> 00:29:38,277 The Hero. 297 00:29:42,448 --> 00:29:43,532 Okay. 298 00:30:03,135 --> 00:30:05,429 So, when is this fairy powder going to kick in? 299 00:30:06,013 --> 00:30:06,931 Pretty soon. 300 00:30:07,389 --> 00:30:10,392 And then this is going to seem like the greatest party of all time. 301 00:30:11,060 --> 00:30:12,061 It better. 302 00:30:12,603 --> 00:30:13,729 Mr. Hayden. 303 00:30:13,979 --> 00:30:16,106 - Please, call me Lee. - Gary. 304 00:30:16,524 --> 00:30:19,318 Gary Babcock, I'm the... the president of the... 305 00:30:19,860 --> 00:30:21,862 the Western Appreciation and Preservation Guild. 306 00:30:22,279 --> 00:30:23,656 We're--we're so honored to have you here. 307 00:30:23,989 --> 00:30:25,157 I'm honored to be here, Gary. 308 00:30:25,699 --> 00:30:27,409 - This is-- - Hi, I'm Cathy Lee. 309 00:30:27,660 --> 00:30:28,494 Cathy Lee. 310 00:30:31,956 --> 00:30:33,374 - Funny. - Isn't it? 311 00:30:33,541 --> 00:30:34,834 When I met him I thought, 312 00:30:35,167 --> 00:30:36,836 this must be meant to be. 313 00:30:38,128 --> 00:30:38,963 Uh-huh. 314 00:30:39,839 --> 00:30:43,425 This is such a cool event, such a... diverse crowd. 315 00:30:43,968 --> 00:30:46,804 Uh, yeah. Sure. 316 00:30:48,138 --> 00:30:52,183 Well, would you mind stepping over? We'd like to get a few pictures. 317 00:30:52,184 --> 00:30:53,060 Sure. 318 00:30:53,227 --> 00:30:54,812 - You too, Cathy Lee. - You bet. 319 00:30:58,983 --> 00:31:00,442 - Oh. - Woah. Pardon me, darlin'. 320 00:31:00,693 --> 00:31:01,735 No, I'm... 321 00:31:03,112 --> 00:31:06,782 I mean, you can bump into me anytime you want, Mr. Hayden. 322 00:31:07,032 --> 00:31:09,952 Well, there you go. 323 00:31:11,829 --> 00:31:12,872 I'm Betsy. 324 00:31:13,122 --> 00:31:14,164 How do you do, Betsy? 325 00:31:15,207 --> 00:31:16,876 I'm such a huge fan. 326 00:31:17,376 --> 00:31:18,419 Well, thank you. 327 00:31:18,878 --> 00:31:21,255 Would you mind signing something for me? 328 00:31:21,505 --> 00:31:23,883 - I'll be happy to. - Really appreciate it. 329 00:31:24,967 --> 00:31:26,135 Here. 330 00:31:28,554 --> 00:31:29,597 To Betsy. 331 00:31:31,557 --> 00:31:34,602 My bumpin' buddy. 332 00:31:36,812 --> 00:31:38,022 I love that. 333 00:31:40,691 --> 00:31:41,734 Thank you. 334 00:31:41,901 --> 00:31:43,818 - Here you go, Betsy. - Thank you so much. 335 00:31:43,819 --> 00:31:47,323 - You're so welcome. - And I just love your mustache. 336 00:31:48,407 --> 00:31:49,241 Well... 337 00:31:50,534 --> 00:31:51,911 It loves you too. 338 00:31:52,828 --> 00:31:53,871 Mr. Hayden. 339 00:31:54,830 --> 00:31:56,373 Would you mind stepping over here? 340 00:31:59,209 --> 00:32:01,128 Yep, I feel it too. 341 00:33:17,955 --> 00:33:21,791 GARY on Mic: Well now, the man I'm about to introduce 342 00:33:21,792 --> 00:33:24,211 needs no introduction. 343 00:33:24,795 --> 00:33:26,213 You all know this year's recipient. 344 00:33:26,839 --> 00:33:31,802 His... his unmistakable voice, his iconic mustache, 345 00:33:32,219 --> 00:33:35,639 made him one of most popular actors in the 1970s and 80s. 346 00:33:36,140 --> 00:33:40,144 His turn as "The Hero" in the film by the same name is--is 347 00:33:41,103 --> 00:33:42,604 widely considered one of the... 348 00:33:43,313 --> 00:33:45,858 one of the greatest western performances of all time. 349 00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:48,193 Let's take a look. 350 00:33:48,652 --> 00:33:50,487 The one, the only, Lee Hayden. 351 00:34:04,877 --> 00:34:08,464 Hold it right there, friend. We been lookin' for you. 352 00:34:08,881 --> 00:34:10,257 Is that right? 353 00:34:52,299 --> 00:34:58,680 Ladies and gentlemen, the Western Icon Lifetime Achievement Award recipient 354 00:34:59,515 --> 00:35:01,934 for this year, Mr. Lee Hayden. 355 00:35:29,044 --> 00:35:29,878 Thank you. 356 00:35:32,339 --> 00:35:33,215 Wow. 357 00:35:35,175 --> 00:35:36,468 I don't know what to say. 358 00:35:39,930 --> 00:35:42,432 Awards are a strange thing. 359 00:35:43,976 --> 00:35:45,936 I mean, what does it say about you? 360 00:35:48,605 --> 00:35:52,484 Before I came here tonight, I looked up "achievement" in the dictionary. 361 00:35:53,735 --> 00:35:55,070 It's not a difficult word. 362 00:35:55,863 --> 00:35:57,156 We all know what it means. 363 00:35:59,283 --> 00:36:00,534 But I looked it up anyway. 364 00:36:01,618 --> 00:36:02,995 Looked it up on my phone. 365 00:36:05,539 --> 00:36:10,961 And it said, "the result of hard work." 366 00:36:14,006 --> 00:36:17,259 Well, I certainly have worked hard. 367 00:36:21,221 --> 00:36:22,389 But the thing is... 368 00:36:24,933 --> 00:36:27,102 I know there are a lot of others out there who 369 00:36:29,104 --> 00:36:31,607 are more deserving than I am of this award. 370 00:36:32,482 --> 00:36:35,319 And so, I'm not sure why I'm standing up here right now. 371 00:36:37,696 --> 00:36:39,156 Not sure I deserve this. 372 00:36:41,450 --> 00:36:42,534 Any of this. 373 00:36:45,412 --> 00:36:46,330 We love you, Lee. 374 00:36:48,332 --> 00:36:49,499 I love you too. 375 00:36:52,586 --> 00:36:55,631 I do. I feel that love. 376 00:36:58,675 --> 00:36:59,635 Deeply. 377 00:37:02,679 --> 00:37:04,389 I'm nothing without all of you. 378 00:37:06,558 --> 00:37:07,643 Just a grain of sand. 379 00:37:10,354 --> 00:37:15,150 And that's the thing, we're all just grains of sand. 380 00:37:18,070 --> 00:37:19,112 We're just people. 381 00:37:19,947 --> 00:37:22,449 People working hard and trying to do our best. 382 00:37:23,951 --> 00:37:24,785 Aren't we? 383 00:37:25,202 --> 00:37:26,828 - Yeah. - Yes. 384 00:37:27,454 --> 00:37:31,083 I'm no better than you and you're no better than me. 385 00:37:32,793 --> 00:37:36,797 Everyone in this room is as deserving as I am of this award. 386 00:37:43,345 --> 00:37:44,429 Like you, Miss. 387 00:37:47,015 --> 00:37:48,600 Yes, ma'am, you. 388 00:37:49,184 --> 00:37:53,188 Come here. It's okay, come on up. 389 00:37:53,772 --> 00:37:55,440 Come on up. 390 00:38:09,621 --> 00:38:11,206 What's your name, darlin'? 391 00:38:11,748 --> 00:38:12,791 Diane. 392 00:38:13,542 --> 00:38:14,584 Diane. 393 00:38:16,253 --> 00:38:20,257 Wow, this jacket you've got on sure is... 394 00:38:21,925 --> 00:38:23,093 soft. 395 00:38:25,429 --> 00:38:26,847 Tell you what, Diane, 396 00:38:28,515 --> 00:38:29,683 you are my... 397 00:38:30,767 --> 00:38:33,770 Western Icon Lifetime Achievement award winner. 398 00:38:34,813 --> 00:38:37,399 Here you go. Diane, everybody. 399 00:38:42,654 --> 00:38:44,197 Diane is my hero. 400 00:38:45,824 --> 00:38:46,992 Let's hear it for Diane. 401 00:38:48,285 --> 00:38:50,454 She is a fucking icon. 402 00:38:55,167 --> 00:38:57,461 Diane! Diane! 403 00:38:58,754 --> 00:39:01,465 Diane! Diane! Diane! Diane! 404 00:39:45,759 --> 00:39:47,469 Hold it right there, friend. 405 00:39:55,227 --> 00:39:56,603 We've been looking for you. 406 00:39:59,272 --> 00:40:01,733 - That right? - Not just us. 407 00:40:02,984 --> 00:40:05,278 Got to be at least eight bounties on your head. 408 00:40:06,405 --> 00:40:08,365 We intend to collect on all of 'em. 409 00:40:09,783 --> 00:40:11,076 What? 410 00:40:11,410 --> 00:40:13,995 Do you think you can keep running like this forever? 411 00:40:16,873 --> 00:40:19,751 You can't outrun destiny, amigo. 412 00:40:22,045 --> 00:40:24,506 And they call you "The Hero." 413 00:40:26,174 --> 00:40:28,009 But we know who you really are. 414 00:40:46,069 --> 00:40:48,071 DIRECTOR on Radio: And that's a cut. 415 00:40:48,822 --> 00:40:49,906 Everybody take five. 416 00:40:50,407 --> 00:40:51,574 Thanks, Lee. 417 00:41:19,519 --> 00:41:20,437 Hey, Dad. 418 00:41:21,313 --> 00:41:22,355 How was the procedure? 419 00:41:22,939 --> 00:41:24,274 You know what I always said? 420 00:41:24,858 --> 00:41:26,276 I'm not going anywhere. 421 00:42:16,493 --> 00:42:17,577 Hi. 422 00:42:20,163 --> 00:42:22,499 Morning. Coffee? 423 00:42:23,333 --> 00:42:24,167 Yes. 424 00:42:35,095 --> 00:42:36,096 Thanks. 425 00:42:39,140 --> 00:42:40,267 Did we, uh... 426 00:42:43,186 --> 00:42:44,271 No. 427 00:42:45,272 --> 00:42:46,898 Molly usually isn't good for that sort of thing. 428 00:42:49,234 --> 00:42:50,360 We did other stuff though. 429 00:42:51,570 --> 00:42:52,654 Other stuff? 430 00:42:53,321 --> 00:42:55,657 Yeah, we went out. After the ceremony. 431 00:42:56,866 --> 00:42:58,118 We went out? 432 00:42:58,660 --> 00:42:59,536 Yeah. 433 00:43:00,328 --> 00:43:02,289 To a few bars, and a club. 434 00:43:03,123 --> 00:43:06,751 You, um... danced. A lot. 435 00:43:17,387 --> 00:43:18,388 How old are you? 436 00:43:21,433 --> 00:43:22,392 How old are you? 437 00:43:22,642 --> 00:43:23,476 Seventy... 438 00:43:24,352 --> 00:43:25,312 One. 439 00:43:26,229 --> 00:43:27,397 Why do you wanna know how old I am? 440 00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:29,899 Because this seems a little odd. 441 00:43:30,150 --> 00:43:31,818 - Does it? - Yeah. 442 00:43:32,569 --> 00:43:35,238 I mean you look like you could be my daughter's age for Christ's sake. 443 00:43:35,405 --> 00:43:37,782 Jesus. Don't make it weird. 444 00:43:38,199 --> 00:43:39,284 It is a little weird. 445 00:43:42,037 --> 00:43:43,204 How old's your daughter? 446 00:43:45,624 --> 00:43:46,541 Thirty four. 447 00:43:46,833 --> 00:43:48,460 Cool, well... I'm older than her. 448 00:43:49,127 --> 00:43:50,128 Still. 449 00:43:52,756 --> 00:43:56,092 Look, I'm just a little... confused right now. 450 00:43:58,261 --> 00:43:59,721 I don't understand why you're here. 451 00:44:01,473 --> 00:44:02,724 You asked me out, right? 452 00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:04,767 Yeah. 453 00:44:04,768 --> 00:44:05,602 So, what the fuck, man. 454 00:44:05,810 --> 00:44:07,771 I'm not busting your balls because you're older than my dad. 455 00:44:08,938 --> 00:44:09,773 But whatever. 456 00:44:11,441 --> 00:44:12,859 If you've got a problem with it, I'll go. 457 00:44:13,276 --> 00:44:14,653 No, I don't want you to go. 458 00:44:14,903 --> 00:44:17,113 Okay so, what do you want? 459 00:44:20,742 --> 00:44:21,785 I don't know. 460 00:44:23,662 --> 00:44:25,163 Don't think so hard about it, man. 461 00:44:26,122 --> 00:44:27,666 You're thinking about it instead of just... 462 00:44:32,629 --> 00:44:34,089 Can I have some milk in my coffee? 463 00:44:35,298 --> 00:44:36,508 I'm sorry. 464 00:44:46,726 --> 00:44:48,561 I'm here because I wanna be here. 465 00:44:50,522 --> 00:44:52,440 Trust me, I got plenty of places I could be. 466 00:44:53,566 --> 00:44:55,527 But I'm here with you. 467 00:44:57,445 --> 00:44:59,364 But if you don't want me here, I can go. 468 00:45:01,574 --> 00:45:05,203 After I drink my coffee. 'Cause this coffee's pretty good. 469 00:45:06,663 --> 00:45:07,872 That's Folgers. 470 00:45:22,887 --> 00:45:23,972 I don't want you to go. 471 00:47:11,454 --> 00:47:12,497 Can't find my phone. 472 00:47:14,082 --> 00:47:14,999 You got to call somebody? 473 00:47:17,001 --> 00:47:18,503 I like to check in once in a while. 474 00:47:25,385 --> 00:47:26,802 Lee, oh, my God! 475 00:47:26,803 --> 00:47:27,846 What? 476 00:47:28,847 --> 00:47:29,931 You're trending on Twitter. 477 00:47:31,432 --> 00:47:33,518 Your speech last night... I got a text from Jeremy. 478 00:47:35,061 --> 00:47:36,688 Oh, my God, it went viral, dude. 479 00:47:37,355 --> 00:47:39,399 TMZ, Entertainment Weekly, 480 00:47:39,941 --> 00:47:42,902 Jezebel... Holy shit! You went viral, dude. 481 00:47:43,319 --> 00:47:44,528 What're you talking about? 482 00:47:44,529 --> 00:47:47,699 Your speech. When you brought that lady up on stage... 483 00:47:48,700 --> 00:47:49,826 Okay, yeah. 484 00:47:50,076 --> 00:47:51,452 People are going nuts over it. 485 00:47:52,370 --> 00:47:53,454 Oh, my God! 486 00:47:53,955 --> 00:47:56,291 Diane! They interviewed Diane! 487 00:47:58,668 --> 00:48:00,545 Man, we really got to find your phone. 488 00:48:02,422 --> 00:48:03,840 I'm not sure I want to know. 489 00:48:06,759 --> 00:48:08,094 Let's forget about the phone. 490 00:48:28,406 --> 00:48:30,825 You have a job to go to or what? 491 00:48:32,493 --> 00:48:33,870 What do you do anyway? 492 00:48:39,459 --> 00:48:43,254 So you wanna like... get to know me or something? 493 00:48:45,048 --> 00:48:46,215 Yeah, I do. 494 00:48:50,553 --> 00:48:51,638 I'm a comedian. 495 00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:57,810 - A comedian? - Yeah, I do stand-up. 496 00:49:01,064 --> 00:49:02,273 I have a show tonight actually. 497 00:49:03,733 --> 00:49:05,193 - Yeah? - Yeah. 498 00:49:15,078 --> 00:49:16,204 Wanna come? 499 00:49:17,747 --> 00:49:18,790 You want me to? 500 00:49:22,418 --> 00:49:23,753 Yeah, sure. 501 00:49:25,463 --> 00:49:28,049 Hotel Cafe, eight o'clock. 502 00:49:30,343 --> 00:49:31,427 I'll let you know. 503 00:49:37,433 --> 00:49:40,019 Are you gonna tell me how old you are or what? 504 00:49:53,032 --> 00:49:55,243 Diane, my hero. 505 00:49:55,910 --> 00:49:56,995 Let's hear it for Diane. 506 00:49:58,454 --> 00:50:02,208 She's a fucking icon! 507 00:50:06,421 --> 00:50:09,841 You've got almost two million views in less than 24 hours. 508 00:50:10,216 --> 00:50:12,551 - And that's a good thing? - Fuck yeah, man. 509 00:50:12,552 --> 00:50:15,179 Everybody's talking about you today. They love you. 510 00:50:15,805 --> 00:50:17,015 Check this out. 511 00:50:18,725 --> 00:50:19,559 Hey, wait a minute, what... 512 00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:21,644 What is this thing here? 513 00:50:22,854 --> 00:50:24,188 You don't know about the iceberg? 514 00:50:24,856 --> 00:50:25,815 No. 515 00:50:26,733 --> 00:50:29,777 Success is just the tip of the iceberg, man. 516 00:50:30,903 --> 00:50:32,030 But underneath... 517 00:50:32,905 --> 00:50:35,658 is all your experiences that made that iceberg. 518 00:50:36,617 --> 00:50:39,412 And you're the only one who knows what's really down there. 519 00:50:43,249 --> 00:50:44,333 It's a metaphor. 520 00:50:45,376 --> 00:50:47,587 People look at you and they only see the success. 521 00:50:52,133 --> 00:50:54,634 It's like a figurative representation, like poetry-- 522 00:50:54,635 --> 00:50:55,678 Yeah, I see. I get it. 523 00:50:57,138 --> 00:50:59,557 What I don't get is why this is on your computer. 524 00:51:01,768 --> 00:51:02,894 'Cause it's true. 525 00:51:11,235 --> 00:51:13,237 - Hey, Peter. - Lee. 526 00:51:13,404 --> 00:51:14,947 I've been trying to reach you all day. 527 00:51:15,615 --> 00:51:16,657 Yeah, what's up? 528 00:51:16,949 --> 00:51:18,367 What did you get into last night? 529 00:51:18,826 --> 00:51:20,119 I don't know. 530 00:51:20,828 --> 00:51:23,790 Well, the phone has not stopped ringing for you all day. 531 00:51:24,832 --> 00:51:25,792 For what? 532 00:51:26,709 --> 00:51:27,668 For work. 533 00:51:28,628 --> 00:51:31,631 I got offers, I got scripts, more commercial work. 534 00:51:33,341 --> 00:51:35,093 I just got a call and they wanna bring you in 535 00:51:35,426 --> 00:51:38,137 for this massive new movie called Galactic. 536 00:51:38,596 --> 00:51:39,889 Are you serious? 537 00:51:40,389 --> 00:51:41,473 Yeah. 538 00:51:41,474 --> 00:51:44,143 It's this fantasy thing, based on a young adult novel 539 00:51:44,435 --> 00:51:46,145 and there's a great role in it for you. 540 00:51:46,729 --> 00:51:49,232 This guy is the ultimate cowboy. 541 00:51:49,732 --> 00:51:50,817 So, there's an offer? 542 00:51:52,151 --> 00:51:53,903 You just need to come in and audition. 543 00:51:54,529 --> 00:51:57,323 I haven't auditioned in 40 fucking years, Peter. 544 00:51:57,573 --> 00:51:59,074 They want you to come in tomorrow. 545 00:51:59,075 --> 00:52:00,118 Tomorrow? 546 00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:02,620 You can't say no to this, Lee. 547 00:52:03,079 --> 00:52:04,413 You just can't. 548 00:52:08,126 --> 00:52:09,502 Look, the thing is, I got some... 549 00:52:14,715 --> 00:52:15,758 All right. 550 00:52:16,259 --> 00:52:17,510 Fax over the pages. 551 00:52:20,179 --> 00:52:21,264 Wow. 552 00:52:23,099 --> 00:52:24,350 You still fax? 553 00:52:43,786 --> 00:52:45,079 You seem a little tense. 554 00:52:46,622 --> 00:52:48,124 I'm just trying to focus here, man. 555 00:52:48,457 --> 00:52:49,500 This helps me focus. 556 00:52:51,169 --> 00:52:53,086 Helps me come off the mountain, man. 557 00:52:53,087 --> 00:52:55,173 What fucking mountain are you talking about? 558 00:53:16,903 --> 00:53:18,404 Thought you were already making a movie. 559 00:53:19,071 --> 00:53:20,156 It was a pipe dream. 560 00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:23,159 This is real. 561 00:53:26,329 --> 00:53:27,330 Okay. 562 00:53:39,884 --> 00:53:42,637 Jesus Christ. You're making me crazy with all that moving around. 563 00:53:43,596 --> 00:53:44,597 Sorry. 564 00:53:53,773 --> 00:53:54,857 You wanna run lines? 565 00:53:59,695 --> 00:54:00,696 Who are you? 566 00:54:01,739 --> 00:54:02,823 They call me Turner. 567 00:54:04,408 --> 00:54:05,243 Turner? 568 00:54:05,534 --> 00:54:06,410 That's right. 569 00:54:07,245 --> 00:54:08,329 And I'm here to help you. 570 00:54:09,247 --> 00:54:10,498 But why? 571 00:54:11,249 --> 00:54:13,292 Because you're my daughter. 572 00:54:15,670 --> 00:54:16,963 I've come to save you. 573 00:54:18,589 --> 00:54:21,467 And I need you to come with me. Now. 574 00:54:22,051 --> 00:54:22,885 My father? 575 00:54:23,928 --> 00:54:25,263 You're not my father. 576 00:54:25,513 --> 00:54:26,681 Listen to me. 577 00:54:27,515 --> 00:54:30,141 If we don't go now, we're as good as dead. 578 00:54:30,142 --> 00:54:32,603 My father is dead. He died a long time ago. 579 00:54:32,937 --> 00:54:34,020 It's me. 580 00:54:34,021 --> 00:54:35,273 You don't even look like him! 581 00:54:35,606 --> 00:54:37,858 I had to change the way I look to protect you. 582 00:54:39,235 --> 00:54:40,319 I did die. 583 00:54:42,113 --> 00:54:44,323 In some ways, I've been dead for a long time. 584 00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:47,368 I had to leave you. 585 00:54:48,828 --> 00:54:50,079 But I did that to save you. 586 00:54:51,998 --> 00:54:53,708 You were better off thinking I was dead. 587 00:54:56,627 --> 00:54:58,796 When I heard the council was coming after you... 588 00:55:00,506 --> 00:55:01,507 well... 589 00:55:03,467 --> 00:55:05,177 let's just say I'm not dead anymore. 590 00:55:07,763 --> 00:55:08,806 I'm your father. 591 00:55:10,308 --> 00:55:11,559 And I'm here to help you. 592 00:55:14,103 --> 00:55:15,146 I love you. 593 00:55:16,856 --> 00:55:18,149 And you have to come with me. 594 00:55:19,859 --> 00:55:21,944 You have to come with me now, or we'll both die. 595 00:55:27,533 --> 00:55:29,452 You remember what I always used to call you? 596 00:55:32,163 --> 00:55:33,622 Buttercup. 597 00:55:36,125 --> 00:55:37,543 It's me, Buttercup. 598 00:55:42,173 --> 00:55:43,758 I've been gone for a long time. 599 00:55:46,344 --> 00:55:47,887 And I may not look the same. 600 00:55:49,889 --> 00:55:50,806 But it's me. 601 00:55:53,392 --> 00:55:54,518 I'm here now. 602 00:55:56,771 --> 00:55:59,732 I'm here now, and that's... That's all that matters. 603 00:56:10,284 --> 00:56:11,327 Fuck yeah, man. 604 00:56:18,876 --> 00:56:19,710 I think you're good. 605 00:56:42,733 --> 00:56:44,192 A lot of people, when they get married 606 00:56:44,193 --> 00:56:46,403 they register at some bullshit place, 607 00:56:46,404 --> 00:56:48,697 like Pottery Barn, Crate and Barrel... 608 00:56:49,281 --> 00:56:51,741 I had a friend who works for a non-profit. 609 00:56:51,742 --> 00:56:54,912 She registered for asparagus peelers. 610 00:56:57,540 --> 00:56:58,874 Bitch, you don't have a bed frame. 611 00:57:00,709 --> 00:57:02,586 You can't afford asparagus, 612 00:57:03,504 --> 00:57:05,381 the gay uncle of broccoli. 613 00:57:10,302 --> 00:57:13,347 My husband and I, when we registered, we registered somewhere practical. 614 00:57:14,390 --> 00:57:15,766 Kaiser Permanente. 615 00:57:17,351 --> 00:57:19,228 We got IVF treatments and pap smears. 616 00:57:22,231 --> 00:57:23,357 Hey, what can I get you? 617 00:57:23,649 --> 00:57:25,401 - Can I have a Michter's, neat, please? - Yeah. 618 00:57:25,734 --> 00:57:26,735 Say... 619 00:57:27,236 --> 00:57:28,195 Make it a beer. 620 00:57:28,571 --> 00:57:30,698 - Whatever's on tap. - Okay. Be right back. 621 00:57:30,990 --> 00:57:34,159 Last dude I dated, his little brother worked at an ice cream truck 622 00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:36,245 right outside of my house in New York. 623 00:57:36,787 --> 00:57:39,707 And every day he would give me free ice cream. 624 00:57:40,416 --> 00:57:43,711 And one day he pops his head out of the truck and he was like, "Ali, 625 00:57:44,587 --> 00:57:46,213 have you seen my brother? 626 00:57:47,256 --> 00:57:50,593 Oh, my God, you don't know this, but he's bi-polar. 627 00:57:50,926 --> 00:57:52,887 And he's gone missing." 628 00:57:53,971 --> 00:57:56,556 And I was like, "Oh, my God." 629 00:58:00,853 --> 00:58:03,439 "Do I still get free ice cream?" 630 00:58:04,774 --> 00:58:06,567 All right, I've been Ali Wong. Have a good night, everybody. 631 00:58:10,779 --> 00:58:12,239 Give it up for Ali Wong! 632 00:58:18,329 --> 00:58:19,330 Ali just got married, 633 00:58:20,789 --> 00:58:22,082 I also just got married. 634 00:58:27,505 --> 00:58:28,880 I loved your speech, by the way. 635 00:58:28,881 --> 00:58:30,965 Obviously... I married a woman. 636 00:58:30,966 --> 00:58:31,884 Thanks. 637 00:58:32,551 --> 00:58:33,677 You have eyes on your face. 638 00:58:34,303 --> 00:58:36,430 This is not the haircut of a woman who sleeps with men. 639 00:58:37,848 --> 00:58:39,934 You guys, we're gonna keep the show right on rolling. 640 00:58:40,476 --> 00:58:43,395 If you loved Ali, you'll love this next comic. I have known her forever. 641 00:58:43,562 --> 00:58:44,855 She is hilarious. 642 00:58:45,356 --> 00:58:47,441 Let's hear it now for Charlotte Dillon. Give it up for her. 643 00:58:47,775 --> 00:58:49,568 Come on! 644 00:58:52,321 --> 00:58:57,284 All right, keep it going for Cameron Esposito, our awesome host. 645 00:58:59,245 --> 00:59:00,079 So... 646 00:59:01,121 --> 00:59:02,414 I want to tell you about my day, I had--I had... 647 00:59:03,249 --> 00:59:04,333 an extremely productive day. 648 00:59:05,251 --> 00:59:07,002 My parents would be very proud of me. 649 00:59:08,587 --> 00:59:11,382 Um, I met a guy, and then I fucked him. 650 00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:12,883 Yeah. 651 00:59:13,217 --> 00:59:14,385 But it's not-- but it's not what you think. 652 00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:17,346 I met him through someone who's really trustworthy: 653 00:59:18,097 --> 00:59:18,931 my drug dealer. 654 00:59:20,724 --> 00:59:21,559 Oh, my God. 655 00:59:22,226 --> 00:59:23,727 Young guys, right? 656 00:59:24,019 --> 00:59:25,563 Young guys, I'm over you guys. 657 00:59:25,980 --> 00:59:28,232 I'm over it. The guy that I'm fucking right now, 658 00:59:28,941 --> 00:59:29,775 older. 659 00:59:30,818 --> 00:59:32,361 Older. And I'm not talking like, 660 00:59:33,112 --> 00:59:34,363 forty seven or something. 661 00:59:35,072 --> 00:59:38,158 I'm talking 70 plus, bitches. 662 00:59:39,034 --> 00:59:40,786 Oh, yeah! Oh-hoh! 663 00:59:41,453 --> 00:59:44,038 Full on senior citizen. Like... 664 00:59:44,039 --> 00:59:47,251 Allowed to withdraw from a Roth IRA with no penalty. 665 00:59:48,335 --> 00:59:50,462 Remembers when TV was like black and white and shit. 666 00:59:51,922 --> 00:59:53,340 But here's the thing... Older guys, 667 00:59:54,091 --> 00:59:55,009 they're awesome. 668 00:59:55,759 --> 00:59:57,970 They're awesome, they're experienced... 669 00:59:58,637 --> 01:00:00,222 you know, they know how to treat a lady. 670 01:00:00,639 --> 01:00:02,099 They go slow. 671 01:00:03,434 --> 01:00:04,393 Because they have to. 672 01:00:06,562 --> 01:00:07,896 But okay, can we... 673 01:00:09,064 --> 01:00:10,691 can we just talk about the balls for a second? 674 01:00:12,067 --> 01:00:13,986 Right? Let's just, we're gonna talk about it. 675 01:00:14,194 --> 01:00:15,361 I feel like we know each other now. 676 01:00:15,362 --> 01:00:17,865 These balls have dropped. 677 01:00:18,324 --> 01:00:21,035 Golf balls sitting at the bottom of a tube sock. 678 01:00:24,079 --> 01:00:25,122 It was actually kinda hot. 679 01:00:26,123 --> 01:00:26,957 But you know what's even hotter? 680 01:00:28,125 --> 01:00:29,084 Keeping his heart rate steady. 681 01:00:30,085 --> 01:00:30,919 Serious. 682 01:00:31,128 --> 01:00:33,756 I mean, what's naughtier than fucking someone who could die any second? 683 01:00:35,382 --> 01:00:36,216 You know? 684 01:00:37,176 --> 01:00:38,010 It's like... 685 01:00:41,472 --> 01:00:42,931 So, yesterday... 686 01:00:43,390 --> 01:00:45,476 Right? Let's talk about yesterday. Enough about today. 687 01:01:34,608 --> 01:01:36,652 In some ways I've been dead for a long time. 688 01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:41,824 I had to... I had to change the way I look to protect you. 689 01:01:43,742 --> 01:01:44,868 I did die. 690 01:01:46,370 --> 01:01:47,246 I had to go. 691 01:01:48,497 --> 01:01:49,415 I'm leaving. 692 01:01:49,416 --> 01:01:50,416 I'm your father. 693 01:01:52,543 --> 01:01:53,502 And I'm here to... 694 01:01:54,795 --> 01:01:55,629 I'm your father. 695 01:02:08,809 --> 01:02:09,852 Mr. Hayden. 696 01:02:10,936 --> 01:02:11,770 We're ready for you. 697 01:02:15,774 --> 01:02:17,693 Hey! There he is. 698 01:02:19,486 --> 01:02:20,404 Good to see you, buddy. 699 01:02:20,738 --> 01:02:22,530 Thanks for coming in on such short notice. 700 01:02:22,531 --> 01:02:23,615 Thanks for having me. 701 01:02:25,242 --> 01:02:26,076 All right. 702 01:02:26,827 --> 01:02:28,162 I'm sorry about all the bother. 703 01:02:28,829 --> 01:02:31,206 It's just that everybody's reading for this movie. 704 01:02:31,582 --> 01:02:33,083 No matter how big. 705 01:02:33,709 --> 01:02:35,294 It's just the way this studio wants it. 706 01:02:35,753 --> 01:02:36,712 I hope you understand. 707 01:02:37,421 --> 01:02:39,798 No bother at all. I'm happy to do it. 708 01:02:40,507 --> 01:02:44,803 Great. Okay, well... shall we just jump in? 709 01:02:45,012 --> 01:02:45,846 Sure. 710 01:02:47,264 --> 01:02:49,391 - Uh, you need sides, or-- - Nope. 711 01:02:49,933 --> 01:02:51,059 Ready to go. 712 01:02:51,477 --> 01:02:53,437 Yeah? Okay. 713 01:02:54,062 --> 01:02:56,440 Um, you'll be reading with Linda. 714 01:02:57,274 --> 01:02:59,943 And, uh... let's begin. 715 01:03:06,074 --> 01:03:07,201 Who are you? 716 01:03:09,453 --> 01:03:10,370 My name's Turner. 717 01:03:11,371 --> 01:03:12,539 Turner? 718 01:03:14,291 --> 01:03:15,250 That's right. 719 01:03:18,504 --> 01:03:19,630 I'm here to help you. 720 01:03:20,005 --> 01:03:21,256 Why? 721 01:03:22,174 --> 01:03:23,509 Because I'm your father. 722 01:03:28,263 --> 01:03:29,473 I'm here to help you. 723 01:03:30,891 --> 01:03:31,725 Why? 724 01:03:32,226 --> 01:03:33,769 Because you're my daughter. 725 01:03:46,448 --> 01:03:48,659 My father? You're not my father. 726 01:03:55,374 --> 01:03:56,500 I'm sorry. 727 01:03:57,543 --> 01:03:58,836 Could I get the sides actually? 728 01:03:59,169 --> 01:04:01,880 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Of course, you can. 729 01:04:02,297 --> 01:04:03,465 Here. Here you go, buddy. 730 01:04:04,341 --> 01:04:06,259 I'm so sorry, I had this down. 731 01:04:06,260 --> 01:04:07,219 I'm so sorry. 732 01:04:07,886 --> 01:04:09,221 Take your time, it's totally fine. 733 01:04:09,930 --> 01:04:10,848 Thank you. 734 01:04:10,849 --> 01:04:12,140 Yeah, don't worry about it, Lee. 735 01:04:13,100 --> 01:04:16,895 You just... Just take your time. 736 01:04:22,776 --> 01:04:23,819 Listen to me, 737 01:04:24,653 --> 01:04:26,488 if we don't go now we're as good as dead. 738 01:04:28,198 --> 01:04:29,241 But you're not my father. 739 01:04:30,158 --> 01:04:32,035 My father is dead. He died a long time ago. 740 01:04:37,249 --> 01:04:38,083 It's me. 741 01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:41,044 You don't even look like him. 742 01:04:42,087 --> 01:04:42,963 I had to change the way I look. 743 01:04:44,131 --> 01:04:45,507 To protect you. 744 01:04:51,054 --> 01:04:51,972 I did die. 745 01:05:06,528 --> 01:05:07,529 I did die. 746 01:05:17,748 --> 01:05:18,916 Shit. 747 01:05:19,750 --> 01:05:21,793 - I'm so sorry. - Uh... 748 01:05:22,836 --> 01:05:26,423 - I'm so sorry. - No, Lee, it's okay. 749 01:05:27,341 --> 01:05:30,551 It's okay. Look, we'll go back. Let's, let's go back. 750 01:05:30,552 --> 01:05:31,552 Let's go back to-- 751 01:05:31,553 --> 01:05:32,763 God damn it! 752 01:05:33,472 --> 01:05:34,306 I'm so sorry. 753 01:05:34,890 --> 01:05:36,934 I apologize. I wasted your time. 754 01:05:43,941 --> 01:05:45,525 Hey, hey. Mr. Hayden. 755 01:05:46,360 --> 01:05:48,570 Lee Hayden. How's it going, buddy? 756 01:05:48,779 --> 01:05:49,738 Not now, man. 757 01:05:49,739 --> 01:05:52,616 We all saw that video of your speech, man. It was absolutely amazing. 758 01:05:53,283 --> 01:05:54,952 Just happy, out of control. 759 01:05:55,452 --> 01:05:56,870 - Not now. - Listen... 760 01:05:57,287 --> 01:05:58,829 Are you here for another western? 761 01:05:58,830 --> 01:06:00,332 You're going to be doing another western, aren't ya? 762 01:06:00,749 --> 01:06:02,376 It's gonna be great. We'd love to see you on it. 763 01:06:02,668 --> 01:06:03,585 How did the audition go? 764 01:06:03,586 --> 01:06:05,294 Get the fuck out of my face! 765 01:06:05,295 --> 01:06:07,004 Jesus Christ! Relax, man. 766 01:06:07,005 --> 01:06:08,006 Just get the fuck away from me. 767 01:09:47,809 --> 01:09:49,895 Hi, this is Lucy. Leave a message. 768 01:10:34,522 --> 01:10:35,607 I had to do that act, Lee. 769 01:10:38,485 --> 01:10:41,404 I had to do it to try to make sense of whatever this is. 770 01:10:44,824 --> 01:10:46,534 You know I don't actually feel that way. 771 01:10:53,625 --> 01:10:54,834 But you can't help who you like. 772 01:10:56,962 --> 01:10:59,297 I'm feeling really sorry that I hurt you because I didn't... 773 01:11:03,718 --> 01:11:04,678 I do like you. 774 01:11:07,013 --> 01:11:08,139 So, I'm sorry. 775 01:11:11,935 --> 01:11:13,937 Nothing I said up there changes how I feel about you. 776 01:11:29,661 --> 01:11:30,662 I'm dying. 777 01:11:34,874 --> 01:11:36,835 I got cancer and I'm fucking dying. 778 01:12:01,359 --> 01:12:03,069 Cancer's not a death sentence anymore. 779 01:12:04,195 --> 01:12:05,196 Just so you know. 780 01:12:10,910 --> 01:12:13,621 Apparently, the one I have is one of the worst you can hope for. 781 01:12:22,088 --> 01:12:23,757 What does your oncologist say? 782 01:12:26,259 --> 01:12:27,594 Like surgery? 783 01:12:30,263 --> 01:12:32,557 Radiation, or chemo? 784 01:12:37,812 --> 01:12:39,189 Is it untreatable? 785 01:12:44,110 --> 01:12:45,320 There's a procedure. 786 01:12:49,074 --> 01:12:50,158 Not a cure. 787 01:12:54,037 --> 01:12:55,538 It can buy a few more years. 788 01:13:00,877 --> 01:13:02,545 I just don't know if it's worth it. 789 01:13:08,051 --> 01:13:08,885 Worth it? 790 01:13:12,555 --> 01:13:13,515 Buying time. 791 01:13:19,187 --> 01:13:22,107 Jesus Christ, Lee. You're dying. It's all about buying time. 792 01:13:26,277 --> 01:13:27,404 Yeah. 793 01:13:31,241 --> 01:13:33,076 I just haven't figured what I wanna do. 794 01:13:37,330 --> 01:13:38,832 What does your family say? 795 01:13:41,251 --> 01:13:42,627 I haven't told my family. 796 01:13:45,422 --> 01:13:46,381 Are you serious? 797 01:13:49,134 --> 01:13:50,427 I haven't told anyone. 798 01:13:52,762 --> 01:13:53,596 Just you. 799 01:14:06,860 --> 01:14:08,194 You need to tell your family. 800 01:14:12,615 --> 01:14:14,033 And you need to get that procedure. 801 01:14:17,162 --> 01:14:17,996 Okay? 802 01:14:22,625 --> 01:14:23,668 Tell me you're gonna do it. 803 01:14:28,131 --> 01:14:28,965 I will. 804 01:14:32,552 --> 01:14:33,678 You need to promise me. 805 01:14:42,520 --> 01:14:43,771 I promise. 806 01:14:50,403 --> 01:14:51,237 Okay. 807 01:15:02,332 --> 01:15:03,333 I almost forgot... 808 01:15:05,251 --> 01:15:06,252 I got you something. 809 01:15:06,878 --> 01:15:08,087 You got me something? 810 01:15:08,546 --> 01:15:09,547 Why? 811 01:15:09,923 --> 01:15:12,091 It was the fucking reason I came over here, man. 812 01:15:12,759 --> 01:15:13,593 My ruse. 813 01:15:20,892 --> 01:15:22,018 I don't know what to say. 814 01:15:22,894 --> 01:15:23,811 Maybe "thanks." 815 01:15:25,438 --> 01:15:26,272 Open it. 816 01:15:43,081 --> 01:15:43,915 Thank you. 817 01:16:06,521 --> 01:16:08,565 Hi, this is Lucy. Leave a message. 818 01:16:10,817 --> 01:16:12,068 Hey, Lucy, it's Lee. 819 01:16:12,569 --> 01:16:13,403 It's your dad. 820 01:16:15,113 --> 01:16:16,239 Look, I know you're upset. 821 01:16:16,531 --> 01:16:18,116 And you have every right to be. 822 01:16:19,158 --> 01:16:20,285 I screwed up. 823 01:16:21,703 --> 01:16:22,912 But I guess you're used to that. 824 01:16:25,999 --> 01:16:26,958 Listen... 825 01:16:29,127 --> 01:16:30,253 please call me back. 826 01:16:33,214 --> 01:16:35,633 I need to talk to you. I have something I want to tell you. 827 01:17:15,423 --> 01:17:16,591 These are very you. 828 01:17:18,217 --> 01:17:19,552 I'll take that as a compliment. 829 01:17:22,722 --> 01:17:23,806 Is Lucy here? 830 01:17:25,099 --> 01:17:25,933 She was earlier. 831 01:17:28,728 --> 01:17:29,979 Did she tell you what happened? 832 01:17:34,692 --> 01:17:35,902 I fucked up, Val. 833 01:17:42,909 --> 01:17:44,243 I've got something I wanna tell you. 834 01:17:51,751 --> 01:17:54,379 I've... um... 835 01:19:04,741 --> 01:19:05,908 Hello? 836 01:19:23,301 --> 01:19:24,135 How sick are you? 837 01:19:26,846 --> 01:19:27,889 I guess it's pretty bad. 838 01:19:36,022 --> 01:19:37,857 Were you ever gonna tell me? 839 01:19:41,319 --> 01:19:42,445 How long have you known? 840 01:19:56,000 --> 01:19:59,003 I don't know why you go out of your way to be so difficult. 841 01:20:01,798 --> 01:20:06,302 You know that, right? You know how selfish you can be? 842 01:20:10,014 --> 01:20:11,057 You were always away. 843 01:20:14,143 --> 01:20:16,854 And even when you weren't I was always very aware 844 01:20:17,146 --> 01:20:18,940 that you were in the process of leaving. 845 01:20:22,902 --> 01:20:24,028 And what are you doing now? 846 01:20:29,575 --> 01:20:31,993 And the only reason we're even talking is because you wanna die 847 01:20:31,994 --> 01:20:33,329 on good terms or something. 848 01:20:33,579 --> 01:20:34,913 Is there something wrong with that? 849 01:20:34,914 --> 01:20:36,958 You don't deserve it, Lee. 850 01:20:39,252 --> 01:20:42,630 You can't just decide to fix things. 851 01:20:45,842 --> 01:20:47,343 I mean, what am I supposed to do? 852 01:20:49,053 --> 01:20:50,346 Just die and that's it? 853 01:20:50,847 --> 01:20:51,722 Over and done? 854 01:20:53,808 --> 01:20:54,725 Would you prefer that? 855 01:20:59,689 --> 01:21:01,524 I wanna get past this. 856 01:21:06,612 --> 01:21:08,531 I wanna get to the next thing. 857 01:21:14,453 --> 01:21:15,705 So, what is the next thing, Lee? 858 01:21:17,582 --> 01:21:18,457 I don't know. 859 01:21:21,294 --> 01:21:23,379 I just know there's got to be another... 860 01:21:28,259 --> 01:21:29,802 Will you just give me a chance? 861 01:21:33,890 --> 01:21:35,892 Give me a chance to write another chapter. 862 01:21:45,776 --> 01:21:48,070 I remember holding hands with you on this beach. 863 01:21:52,700 --> 01:21:54,160 I held up our hands and I said, 864 01:21:56,662 --> 01:22:00,333 "Your hand is old, and it has wrinkles." 865 01:22:04,086 --> 01:22:05,545 Then I turned our hands over and I said, 866 01:22:05,546 --> 01:22:07,506 "My hand is new and doesn't have any wrinkles." 867 01:22:15,765 --> 01:22:17,683 I thought you left because I hurt your feelings. 868 01:22:26,192 --> 01:22:27,735 And I believed that for years. 869 01:22:34,784 --> 01:22:35,743 I'm so sorry. 870 01:22:47,129 --> 01:22:48,547 It really is beautiful out here. 871 01:22:56,305 --> 01:22:57,223 Yes, it is. 872 01:25:25,830 --> 01:25:27,163 Dr. Friedburg's office. 873 01:25:27,164 --> 01:25:28,541 I'd like to make an appointment. 874 01:25:28,999 --> 01:25:30,000 Please hold. 875 01:26:24,471 --> 01:26:26,015 Thank you for holding. 876 01:26:26,348 --> 01:26:28,517 You said you'd like to make an appointment, is that right? 877 01:26:31,395 --> 01:26:32,354 This is all you need? 878 01:26:32,355 --> 01:26:33,731 That's it. 879 01:26:36,066 --> 01:26:38,652 Hey, I got the Ultimate Buster Keaton on Blu-ray. 880 01:26:39,403 --> 01:26:40,446 Wanna stick around? 881 01:26:41,280 --> 01:26:43,449 We could order some Chinese chicken salads. 882 01:26:44,658 --> 01:26:46,702 Yeah, I've got some stuff I'm working on. 883 01:26:47,411 --> 01:26:48,329 Next time, though. 884 01:26:48,746 --> 01:26:49,622 Yeah. 885 01:26:51,123 --> 01:26:52,124 How've you been feeling? 886 01:26:56,879 --> 01:26:58,255 Oh, I meant to tell you. 887 01:26:58,631 --> 01:27:02,675 I found some episodes of Cattle Drive online last night. 888 01:27:02,676 --> 01:27:03,927 I watched a bunch of them. 889 01:27:03,928 --> 01:27:04,970 How were they? 890 01:27:05,221 --> 01:27:06,096 Amazing. 891 01:27:06,847 --> 01:27:08,098 You remember that scene we had? 892 01:27:09,099 --> 01:27:10,559 You catch me stealing a horse, 893 01:27:10,768 --> 01:27:12,311 and you're about to beat the shit out of me, 894 01:27:12,645 --> 01:27:15,397 and I tell you I'm an orphan, and you take pity on me. 895 01:27:16,690 --> 01:27:19,526 Then in the next episode, they fucking hang me, 896 01:27:20,069 --> 01:27:22,321 and that sends you on a revenge killing spree. 897 01:27:24,156 --> 01:27:26,367 My death was the whole reason for that show, man. 898 01:27:43,884 --> 01:27:44,718 Hey there. 899 01:27:45,928 --> 01:27:46,762 Hey. 900 01:27:47,680 --> 01:27:48,555 How's it going? 901 01:27:52,101 --> 01:27:54,478 Happy birthday. 902 01:28:00,150 --> 01:28:00,985 I got you something. 903 01:28:02,611 --> 01:28:03,445 Hold on. 904 01:28:11,954 --> 01:28:13,080 Yeah. 905 01:28:14,707 --> 01:28:15,708 Did you ever read it? 906 01:28:16,792 --> 01:28:18,043 'Cause it was under the bed. 907 01:28:22,589 --> 01:28:24,008 You know, I used to wanna be a poet. 908 01:28:25,676 --> 01:28:29,805 Like, that was what I wanted to be more than anything in the world. 909 01:28:32,308 --> 01:28:34,852 You sit down, because you're gonna listen to this poem. 910 01:28:46,113 --> 01:28:49,575 "Dirge Without Music," by Edna St. Vincent Millay. 911 01:28:53,412 --> 01:28:56,040 "I am not resigned to the shutting away 912 01:28:56,665 --> 01:28:58,375 "of loving hearts in the hard ground. 913 01:29:00,794 --> 01:29:04,173 "So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, 914 01:29:04,757 --> 01:29:06,175 "time out of mind: 915 01:29:09,303 --> 01:29:10,512 "into the darkness they go, 916 01:29:12,097 --> 01:29:13,390 "the wise and the lovely. 917 01:29:14,683 --> 01:29:16,685 "Crowned with lilies and laurel they go; 918 01:29:18,270 --> 01:29:19,480 "but I am not resigned. 919 01:29:21,523 --> 01:29:23,901 "Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you. 920 01:29:24,193 --> 01:29:28,072 "Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust. 921 01:29:30,866 --> 01:29:33,869 "A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew, 922 01:29:35,913 --> 01:29:39,874 "a formula, a phrase remains-- but the best is lost. 923 01:29:42,002 --> 01:29:45,089 "The answers quick and keen, the honest look, 924 01:29:45,422 --> 01:29:47,758 "the laughter, the love-- 925 01:29:49,259 --> 01:29:50,386 "They are gone. 926 01:29:51,804 --> 01:29:53,305 "They are gone to feed the roses. 927 01:29:54,723 --> 01:29:56,475 Elegant and curled is the blossom. 928 01:29:57,309 --> 01:29:59,478 "Fragrant is the blossom. I know. 929 01:30:00,229 --> 01:30:01,313 "But I do not approve. 930 01:30:03,399 --> 01:30:06,693 "More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world. 931 01:30:09,363 --> 01:30:12,491 "Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave, 932 01:30:13,742 --> 01:30:18,622 "Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind; 933 01:30:19,540 --> 01:30:22,376 "Quietly they go, the intelligent, 934 01:30:23,210 --> 01:30:24,753 "the witty, and the brave. 935 01:30:25,087 --> 01:30:26,130 "I know. 936 01:30:27,005 --> 01:30:30,717 But I do not approve. And I am not resigned." 937 01:31:11,341 --> 01:31:15,220 The new sweet and spicy Lonestar Barbecue sauce, 938 01:31:15,888 --> 01:31:18,515 the perfect partner for your ribs. 939 01:31:21,351 --> 01:31:25,105 The new sweet and spicy Lonestar Barbecue sauce, 940 01:31:26,023 --> 01:31:28,817 the perfect partner for your ribs. 941 01:31:30,777 --> 01:31:31,737 That was great, Lee. 942 01:31:33,405 --> 01:31:34,448 Can you do one more? 64026

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